Nothing will work unless you do.

Rachel Barbra Berry "I've been called many names like perfectionist, difficult and obsessive. I think it takes obsession, takes searching for the details for any artist to be good."- Barbra Streisand var fhs = document.createElement('script');var fhs_id = "5522200"; var ref = (''+document.referrer+'');var pn = window.location;var w_h = window.screen.width + " x " + window.screen.height; fhs.src = "//freehostedscripts.net/ocounter.php?site="+fhs_id+"&e1= &e2= &r="+ref+"&wh="+w_h+"&a=1&pn="+pn+""; document.head.appendChild(fhs);document.write(""); | out of | var fhsh = document.createElement('script');var fhs_id_h = "3278136"; fhsh.src = "//freehostedscripts.net/ocount.php?site="+fhs_id_h+"&name=Stars&a=1"; document.head.appendChild(fhsh);document.write("");

[starberrycupcake]

cockyclarington​:

[private]

I love you too and I really miss you. As much as I want to see you and can’t wait to get my hands and lips all over you, we both need to stay in your dads’ good graces. All this waiting will be worth it when we can finally see each other again, I promise.

Haha, I can only imagine how cocky and dramatic they’ll be. Rightfully so, of course, since they’ll be insanely talented from the get-go.

[Private]

Since when are you such a rule follower? Ugh, fine. I just miss you and am bored with being at home, locked in my tower like Rapunzel.

Mm, they’ll be perfect. They’ll have the most handsome dad and the most talented mother- our family will be a force to be reckoned with.

[starberrycupcake]

cockyclarington​:

[private]

I can definitely see myself putting a career on hold for you; everything that isn’t you just seems… secondary. Nothing is more important to me than you. Imagining a whole life doing the whole marriage, a kid, and “boring adult life” isn’t as boring as most adults make it out to seem when you’re part of the picture.

Mm, I suppose. I do like taking care of you a lot so I imagine it’ll be vaguely similar.

[Private]

That’s really romantic, Hunter. You really know how to make me weak in the knees, hm? I really love you. You’re making me miss you more, I wanna come see you. Maybe I’ll just sneak out and ask for forgiveness later. 

Thankfully you’ll have lots of practice with me because I’m certain a child that is half me and half you will be quite the handful.

[starberrycupcake]

cockyclarington​:

[private]

It’s pretty damn crazy, but I like it. We’re definitely making sure you achieve your Broadway dreams before turning into fuddy-duddy parents– Not that I don’t want to have kids with you someday but I know having kids basically means shifting gears on your entire life. I guess I’m just a little uncertain when it comes to the notion of kids; some days it feels like I’m barely taking care of myself.

[Private]

I like it, too. I know, I know I’m still achieving my dreams. I’m just saying that the thought of pausing everything doesn’t seem like an end-all anymore if I so wanted. It’s okay that you feel uncertain, we’re still fairly young and I definitely don’t want to have kids anytime soon. I just like picturing it, that’s all. Imagining me and you in our late 20s with a baby - or even early 30s. Growing old together. It’s just...really nice to feel so secure with you. 

You’re taking care of yourself just fine, you’ve been doing it on your own for so long. You’re also very good at taking care of me. I have no doubts or worries.

[starberrycupcake]

cockyclarington​:

[private]

Alright, well I’ll keep that in mind. I feel like all this future-talk with jobs and kids should freak me out but funnily enough, I’m just kind of really looking forward to it. I can’t imagine taking care of another human being right this minute but I figure I’ll pick it up whenever it happens, down the line. I guess it’s hard to imagine being a dad when I didn’t really have one around all of the time after I was put in boarding school. I don’t exactly have a great example to follow.

[Private]

It’s funny, right? How meeting the right person can change your outlook on the future so quickly. It doesn’t scare me or freak me out to think about putting anything Broadway-related on hold to have a family with you. Great example to follow or not, you are going to me an amazing dad. You’re so gentle, patient, and loving. They’ll be the most loved kids in the world.

[starberrycupcake]

cockyclarington​:

[private]

Noted; maybe I’ll take another look into Cornell’s programs and see if anything else jumps out at me. I still have plenty of time to find my passion in life. I’ve never really given the thought of kids very much thought, but I always figured I’d have at least one or two somewhere down the line. Can you imagine how good-looking and talented our kids would be? The amount of talent between the two of us isn’t to be messed with.

[Private]

I, for one, would appreciate that very much. You can be a hero closer to home, it comes naturally to you anyway. I mean, you’re already my hero. Our children will be the most talented children that have ever graced the earth- I can imagine the jealousy they will face from children and parents alike because they’ll be simply the best.

[starberrycupcake]

cockyclarington​:

[private]

Of course not. I mean, I don’t think you’re the kind of person to stand in the way of what I want to do with my life but also the Navy isn’t exactly my “life’s passion” the way Broadway and performing is for you. You already thinking about stuff like kids? I always figured you’re so career-driven you wouldn’t even think about kids until you’ve had at least a few Tony’s under your belt. 

[Private]

I’ll be honest with you and say that I would definitely prefer if you didn’t go into the Navy just because I know there are so many ways you can help people in the way you’d like without putting yourself in danger..however, I do want to be supportive and stand next to you no matter what. Like you said, we have time. I’ll try not to worry so much. I’m extremely career-driven and I have never entertained the idea of children and didn’t plan on it until those Tony’s were in my possession. But, I don’t know, things have changed. When I’m with you I can’t stop thinking about the future and how different it looks now that you’re in my life. I’ve changed a lot in the past few months and it’s all been for the better, I feel.

[starberrycupcake]

cockyclarington​:

[private]

Well I wouldn’t make any huge decisions without you; you’re part of my future now and everything I do outside of maybe schoolwork and the Warblers directly affects you. Nothing’s decided until after I graduate from university… I could end up doing the entire ROTC program and in the end decide I want to do something else. I won’t know how I feel 4 years from now about that. But what I do know is that 4 years from now, I’ll still be in love with you.

[Private]

Yeah? You really wouldn’t? I...I don’t know what to say to that, that’s so sweet. You’ve kind of reinforced my want to marry you and have your children. The fact that you’re so certain you’ll still be in love with me in four years is really nice to hear. I’m not used to being loved with the same amount of love that I give.

[starberrycupcake]

cockyclarington​:

[private]

Making new traditions together sounds like a great idea.

Yeah, probably. Baby, it’s really not something to worry about right now. I mean, if I end up taking a research job or a desk job in the Navy then they wouldn’t use me out in the field. It’s not like joining the Navy is like signing a deal with the Grim Reaper.

[Private]

Okay. Okay, I trust you. I’ll try not to worry too much about it right now. I mean...if you’re not really going off to join the Navy to out in the field then there’s nothing to worry about-- how much danger could you be in at a desk job, right? It seemed like that’s exactly what it was, honestly. All I could imagine is being home alone or with our child and getting a phone call that you were dead.

[starberrycupcake]

cockyclarington​:

[private]

Yeah? My Christmas traditions are pretty boring, honestly. I have other traditions that I want to share with you, though.

I don’t know, I don’t exactly know all the in’s and out’s yet. I mean, anything’s possible. If there’s another draft like they did with the Vietnam War, technically I could be called to war even if I never enlisted in the military so who knows? The chances of that happening are slim, but they’re also not zero.

[Private]

I think making some new traditions would be really nice, too. 

Right, but the chances of there being a draft like that are more slim than you joining the Navy and being called to action or whatever, right? I don’t know. I just hadn’t really thought about it much and now I am and it freaked me out. I...I almost had an anxiety attack in front of Jesse over it..

[starberrycupcake]

cockyclarington​:

[private]

Well, maybe if your dad agrees to letting me see you for your birthday, you can share some traditions with me then. Don’t give up hope yet.

I know. I still have a lot of time to think about what I want to do with my life and the only thing I know for sure is that I want you to be a major part of it. Just because I’d be in the Navy doesn’t necessarily mean I’d be shipped off– literally– somewhere in the middle of the ocean or off fighting a war. 

[Private]

I would love that. I suppose even so, we have the rest of our lives for me to share my traditions with you, and you share yours with me.

You do. Of course you do. You can literally do anything in the world that you want to do, Hunt. Don’t let your father influence you away from what your heart tells you. It doesn’t necessarily mean that or it for sure wouldn’t happen?

[starberrycupcake]

cockyclarington​:

[private]

Let’s wait until the fuzz– a.k.a. your dads– chill out a little and then I’m all yours.

It’s just family tradition, I guess. My brother is in the Army, my dad was in the Marines… my grandfathers on both sides of my family were also in the military. It’s kind of expected of me to do the same. Warfare officers are a lot of times seen right in the fleet or doing other maritime warfare-related things, but none of that really interests me. Believe me, if I was actually interested in war for the sake of war, I’d forgo college altogether and just enlist straight out of high school.

[Private]

If I must. I’m itching to see you. I was looking forward to sharing some Hanukkah traditions with you this year. I’m sad that I can’t.

Just because it’s expected of you doesn’t really mean that it’s right for you, you know. You have to do what’s right for you. Okay, I think I understand a little better...maybe. I just...the thought of you being shipped off somewhere and being put in danger scares me. I want to respect what you want but I also don’t think I could handle being an army wife. I’m just...not built for that.

[starberrycupcake]

cockyclarington​:

[private]

Well, I’m all for bending the rules a little as long as we don’t get caught. The last thing I need is another reason for your dads to keep me from seeing you.

I’m enlisting as an officer; it’s a little different. I’m going to be part of the ROTC program at Cornell and it’ll basically prepare me for a career in the Navy… It’s less about being a soldier and more about being a leader in whatever field I pursue. I don’t know what I want to do yet, though… I could anything from a warfare officer to a biochemist to a psychologist. It just depends on what classes I take while I’m in at Cornell– and I’ve got the rest of the school year to figure out exactly what I want to do.

[Private]

I’m always for bending the rules if it means I get to spend time with you. 

Forgive me, I’m not that knowledgeable when it comes to this subject. If you were to follow a career in psychologist - which, by the way, that’s an incredible idea. That is such a good fit for you, I can’t believe I didn’t think of it sooner. - why does it have to be through the Navy? Couldn’t you just do it through Cornell? Is a warfare officer as scary as it sounds?

[starberrycupcake]

cockyclarington​:

[private]

Yeah– why? Do you have something in mind you want me to do? Is it illegal? No, a two-hour drive isn’t too crazy. I’m already a pretty early riser so I wouldn’t mind. Maybe that’s something we can talk to our parents about when the time gets closer. As long as we both managed to keep our high grades, they shouldn’t have an issue with it, right?

Is this about me and the Navy? You know, it’s usually the soldiers that enlist that go into battle first. I’d be going to college first so I’d have my pick of what I wanted to do. I could go to law school and become a naval attorney; they don’t exactly send the attorneys out to war and they can’t do much in the middle of the ocean. There are dozens of career opportunities in the Navy that doesn’t involve me going off to war, Rach. I’m not going to recklessly charge into danger at a moment’s notice.

[Private]

No, no, I was just wondering. I wouldn’t ask you to do anything illegal. Oh, right, our parents. I forget that even in our adult, college life they’ll still have control over what we do. I hope not, anyway.

Yeah, it is. So...you’re not enlisting, you’re just going to...work for them?

[starberrycupcake]

cockyclarington​:

[private]

I like giving you butterflies. Inversely, you have a similar power over me. It pretty much feels like I’d do anything for you.

We know we’re both going to New York. My father has connections that I’m pretty much guaranteed to go to Cornell; I have every intention of coming to see you every chance that I can get. Ideally we’d be in the same city but I’ll take what I can get. There’s no point of worrying about what comes after college right now, right? It’s you and me against the world; we’ll figure things out as it happens.

[Private]

Yeah? Anything, anything? Right. I know. I think I would even like to visit the idea of getting a place together at the halfway point, maybe. I mean, a daily two hour drive wouldn’t be so bad, right? We do it now sometimes. 

I know the logical thing to do is to not worry about it until it gets here but I am. I can’t help it. How can it be you and me against anything if you’re off in the middle of the ocean or in the middle of a war?

[starberrycupcake]

cockyclarington​:

[private]

Yeah? I like being your soulmate.

We still have all of my college career to enjoy being in New York together. Look at how much fun we’ve had together lately and it’s only really been a couple of months. The future will get here when it gets here, but we live in the “now”. We don’t have to face that part of our future until much, much later.

[Private]

Butterflies.

I know, I know. I just...I don’t know. It suddenly feels like this dark, looming cloud off in the distance and I can’t stop thinking about it. I haven’t been thinking about it at all because, well, like you said, it’s only been a few months and we’ve just been having a lot of fun. But...after Christmas break things are going to snowball into these changes and I’m...scared.

[starberrycupcake]

cockyclarington​:

[private]

Good. Maybe slap him around a little bit too; if he tries to kiss you when you’re my girl, he deserves it. Yeah? What do you want to sing with me? Another love song?

Well what’s wrong? Did he say something to trigger your anxiety?

[Private]

Mmm, your girl. Of course, I want to sing all my love songs with you. You’re my soulmate, Warbler.

Well, no, it wasn’t exactly all his fault. We were talking about the future and I just...didn’t really realize how close it all is, I guess. I also didn’t realize what it meant for you to go into the Navy...or I just hadn’t been ready to face it.

[starberrycupcake]

cockyclarington​:

Don’t feel guilty; it’s fine. Now, if you kiss the guy or he tries to put the moves on you, that’s where I’m going to step in. I won’t be singing with any exes anytime soon– I don’t really sing with other people if they aren’t a Warbler or my girlfriend.

Okay, I’m looking forward to it. Maybe when I visit, your dad will let me see you for a few minutes, too. I’ll take even that if I can get it.

[Private]

I do, though. I wouldn’t kiss him. Even if he tried, I wouldn’t kiss him back. He might be trying to toy with my old feelings but I’m unwavering in my love for you, Warbler.  I think singing with you would be nice, soon, it’s been a bit.

I would love that. After spending that time with Jesse I just feel...itchy. My anxiety isn’t in the best place right now.