INSTEAD I HAVE RAGE.

I  LEAVE  TOO  FAST  TO  FIND  THE  LIGHT

[startasted]

#STARTASTED.           A MULTI - MUSE,         WRITTEN BY S. 

[tragicwrit]

HOUSE OF THE DRAGON: S01EP01 THE HEIRS OF THE DRAGON

I  trust  your  ride  was  pleasant.

Try  not  to  look  too  relieved.

I  believe  I’m  quite  content  as  a  spectator,  thank  you.

I  don’t  need  mothering.

Someone  has  to  attend  to  you.

This  discomfort  is  how  we  serve  the  realm.

I’d  rather  serve  as  a  knight  and  ride  to  battle  and  glory.

You  stink  of  dragon.

Well,  that  sounds  suspiciously  like  good  news.

And  are  we  meant  to  weep  for  dead  pirates?

I  would  be  delighted.

I  bought  you  something.

Now…  you  and  I  both  own  a  small  piece  of  our  ancestry.

You’re  always  like  this  when  you’re  worried.

I  want  to  fly  with  you  on  dragon-back,  see  the  great  wonders  across  the  Narrow  Sea,  and  eat  only  cake.

I  like  this  position.  It’s  quite  comfortable.

I  never  jest  about  cake.

So  you  remember.

They  are  searching  the  texts  for  similar  cases.

Bad  humors  of  the  mind  can  adversely  affect  the  body.

Whatever  it  is,  it  needs  to  be  kept  quiet.

Cauterization  would  be  a  wise  course  of  treatment.

This  is  the  only  place  I  can  find  comfort  these  days.

I’ve  never  been  more  certain  of  anything.

Crime  of  every  breed  has  been  allowed  to  thrive.

Carry  on.  You  were  saying  something  about  my  impunity.

Making  a  public  spectacle  of  wanton  brutality  is  hardly  in  line  with  our  laws.

Time  will  tell.

I  can  assure  you,  the  sheep  are  prettier.

Perhaps  you  aren’t  ready  to  move  on  just  yet.

Enforce  my  laws,  but  understand…  any  further  performances  like  last  night’s  will  be  answered.

I  would  gladly  take  it  if  I  thought  I  needed  it.

Best  get  on  with  it.

Now,  I’m  fairly  certain  I  can  win  these  games.

It’s  a  marvel  that  war  didn’t  break  out  at  first  blood.

We  must  either  act  now  or  leave  it  with  the  gods.

I  wish  you  luck.

This  is  the  last  thing  any  of  us  wish  to  discuss  at  this  dark  hour,  but  I  consider  the  matter  urgent.

These  recent  tragedies  have  left  you  without  an  obvious  heir.

Well,  who  else  would  have  a  claim?

I  will  not  sit  here  and  suffer  crows  that  come  to  feast  on  their  corpses!

I  wouldn’t  know  what  to  say.

I  do  know  how  passionate  you  are  for  the  histories.

All  I  wanted  was  for  someone  to  say  that  they  were  sorry  for  what  happened  to  me.

But  dream  and  pray  as  they  all  might,  it  seems  I’m  not  so  easily  replaced.

The  gods  give  just  as  the  gods  take  away.

I  corroborated  this  report  with  three  separate  witnesses.

My  family  has  just  been  destroyed.

Yet  everything  I’ve  given  you,  you’ve  thrown  back  in  my  face.

Then  why  do  you  cut  me  so  deeply?

They  all  prey  on  you  for  their  own  ends.

When  you  look  at  the  dragons,  what  do  you  see?

Without  them,  we’re  just  like  everyone  else.

I  swear  this  by  the  old  gods  and  the  new.

Promise  me.

[ohisms]

↪     ᵗʰᵉ 𝑫𝑼𝑺𝑻𝒀 𝑻𝑶𝒀𝑩𝑶𝑿 .    (  a  collection  of  various unsorted sentence starters .  adjust  phrasing  as  necessary .   will be updated frequently .  )

why are you here ?

drive .  drive fast .

i think we should make an informed decision .

are you coming or not ?

you’ve been avoiding me .

[ name ] ,  what were you thinking ?

this should be your priority .

let me hold you for a minute .

get out of my way .  i won’t tell you again .

that wasn’t supposed to happen .

can you keep a secret ?

i don’t know what i did to deserve you .

you seriously think i could’ve done something like that ?

you’re safe with me .

sorry isn’t good enough .

where is all this coming from ?

who told you about that ?

sorry i’m late ,  i got caught up .

you’re being paranoid .

why are you looking at me like that ?

you’re the single most important thing to me .

all i’m asking is that you hear me out .

whatever they told you ,  it’s a lie .

we shouldn’t stick around here .

hold my hand ,  i don’t want to lose track of you .

[ name ]  …  truth or dare ?

i love you .  nothing’s gonna change that .

can you tell me what happened ?

you can’t come around here anymore .

back off ,  okay ?

what ,  you don’t have time for me anymore ?

you’re asking for too much .

i’m trying to start a new life .

what do you mean ,  you aren’t coming back ?

sometimes i think you must hate me .

why can’t we just talk about this ?

i know i fucked up ,  you can stop rubbing it in .

you’ve got quite a reputation .

i’m not usually like this ,  i’m sorry .

please ,  just let me explain myself .

i love watching you work .

we’re on the same team .

did you ever tell anyone ?

you’ve got a lot of explaining to do .

really funny ,  you’re very mature .

you call THAT a PLAN ?

can we get out of here ?

i thought things would be different .

this is not up for debate !

do whatever you have to do .

karma’s going to get you for that .

it could’ve been a lot worse .

i asked you to leave me out of this .

maybe it’s time to take a leap of faith .

i never want to see you again .

can you see how many fingers i’m holding up ?

i’m gonna be there when you get what’s coming to you .

you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me .

i’ve been waiting all night for this .

i told you not to contact me .

sometimes i really think you have a death wish .

what do you need ?  —  what can i do ?

i would do literally anything to keep you safe .

that was supposed to be a secret .

you haven’t called me that in years .

stop telling me to calm down !

we make a pretty good team .

i have so much i want to say to you .

i’m not going to let anyone hurt you .

can we please not do this right now ? 

wait ,  wait  …  just breathe for a second .

how are you holding up ?

why don’t you stay the night ?  i’ll take the couch .

i don’t need your protection !

you’re not making this easier on yourself .

are you going to let me in ?

i’m supposed to be protecting you .

i will kill you if i have to .

do whatever you have to do .

this is going to hurt ,  i’m sorry .

what happened to you ,  where have you been ?!

there was nothing you could’ve done .

you’re all i need right now .

i don’t believe in love at first sight .

have you been following me ?

i need you to believe me .

what do you remember ?

i’m not a good person .

what the hell’s going on with you ?

you’re being followed .

just when i thought my day couldn’t be any worse .

i’ve been having weird dreams .

so you’ve been lying to me this whole time ?

are you trying to get us killed ?

this is the worst thing that’s ever happened to me .

i never asked for your help .

you’re being followed ,  pretend you know me .

why has it started to feel different with you ?

don’t worry ,  i have a plan .

i heard everything .

do you need to sit down ?

i have the right to know what’s going on .

i’ve just gotta catch my breath .

stay out of my business .

what did you think was going to happen ?!

don’t cause a scene .

tell me something about you that i don’t know .

can i buy you a drink ?

what if  …  we played spin the bottle ?

this was never a problem until  [ name ]  came around .

you can’t ask me to make that choice .

are you seeing anyone right now ?

i need you to listen to me ,  we don’t have long .

you’re lying ,  that doesn’t make any sense .

you look  …  stunning .

what are you trying to prove ?

who died and made you the boss of me ?

you can’t just show up here like this .

let me make it up to you .

there’s no way i’m leaving you like this .

can we stay like this ?  just for a little longer .

i don’t need you to fight for me .

so  …  you lied to me ?

you’re the only one that can help me .

i can’t help you if you won’t let me .

i never introduced myself ,  i’m [ name ] .

i expected more from you .

you have no idea who i am ,  do you ?

are you real ?  is this real ?

can i stay with you ?  just for the night .

you’re going to get yourself killed .

why did you help me ?

tell me what i can do to help .

pick a card ,  any card .

i never wanted any of this .

i love you .   you don’t have to say it back .

do you wanna get out of here ?

what the hell are you talking about ?

i should have trusted you .

get your head out of the clouds .

how is any of this MY fault ?!

what aren’t you telling me ?

i can’t help you if you won’t let me .

it’s never just one with you ,  is it ?

you’re not supposed to know about that .

shut your mouth .

i haven’t kissed you yet ,  today .

where is this coming from ?

come over here and make me ,  then .

keep lying to yourself ,  see where it gets you .

i’m not a bad person .

is that what you wanted to hear ?

we can’t be seen together .

i can’t give you what you want .

i need you to leave .

are you drunk ?

i’m here ,  i’m here .  i’m not going anywhere .

you might want to take a seat for this .

have you been listening to anything i’ve said ?

i haven’t heard from you in weeks .

you’re jealous ,  aren’t you ?

who do you think you’re talking to ?

what are you reading ?

you could’ve killed me !

come on ,  we don’t have time for this .

i just need ten minutes of silence .

really ?  that’s all you have to say ?

we could leave ,  you know .  go far away .

you don’t look too good .

i never want to see you again .

why can’t you just leave me alone ?

i thought you died .

you’ll do anything for attention .

give me another chance .

how’s the weather up there ?

all you do is hurt people !

i’m sorry ,  none of this makes sense .

you need to get out of here before anyone sees you .

i told you i didn’t want you around here .

is that supposed to be a threat ?

you’ve changed .

don’t look at me like that .

it’s a beautiful day ,  don’t you think ?

i did what i had to do .

you never know when to stop .

i’ve got to get home ,  it’s getting late .

i have nothing to prove to you .

stop LYING to me  …  all you do is lie .

you don’t have to be nice to everybody .

don’t tell me what to do .

pull your head out of the past .

nobody can help me .  i can’t even help me .

we are not talking about that right now .

are you new around here ?

you have no idea what you’re starting .

i’m gonna get us out of here .

whatever you came here to say ,  i don’t want to hear it .

everyone’s staring at us .

is there anything i can do to help ?

i won’t cause you any more trouble .

– just follow my instructions for once !

do you want to come in ?

i just didn’t know what to do .

you need rest ,  lie down .

i’m not who you think i am .

i don’t know what you want me to say .

you’re not like anyone else i’ve ever met .

i feel like i’m going insane .

stop asking ,  you’re not going to like my answer .

i didn’t want you to see me any differently .

i wish i knew what to say to you .

don’t give me that look ,  you know what i mean .

you should be afraid .

do you still love me ?

i never thought i’d get this far .

the world doesn’t revolve around you .

i need you to give me some space .

i know what you’re doing ,  don’t play games .

you left me to die .

i’m beyond repentance .

when are you going to get it through your head ?

i missed you more than i thought i would .

i’m in love with you .

what do you need from me ?

i’ll kill them ,   just say the word .

[ name ] ,   what are you doing here ?

how can i help ?

you’re pathetic .

i need you to come pick me up .

where have you been ?  it’s eleven o’clock .

i couldn’t live with myself if i let you get hurt .

i can’t just pretend it didn’t happen .

you’re a real piece of work .

do you remember how we first met ?

when did all of this fall apart ?

that’s not what i came here for .

i would do anything for you .

[startasted]

euhnoias​.

the lies that spill from her twin’s mouth fall like poison on her ears,  corroding her nerves,   concocting dreams where she desperately clings to the illusion of truth  that may be present in the  cloying words.   hope  flickered like a flame desperately trying to survive the rain,   but sarcasm doused it down to a smoking wick    &   left her stranded in the aftermath of the flood   —   head hung low,    shaking as if the gesture would  erase reality.   despite the mist of the woods that surrounded them  &   the dark wash of the other’s eyes,   ( similar to her own  &  yet so different )    elena could see the  glint of selfishness  flash in them when katherine spoke.     ❝   condemn an innocent girl to a fate that we ran from?   ❞     her voice rose  rapidly in pitch,    raw  horror contorting her features in contrast to the other’s delusive impassivity.     ❝   no,  that is not what I want!   ❞

heightened senses notify her of the cheery laughter that broke in their dining hall   &   elena turned towards the sound of it,   face softening with longing.     like a moth to a flame,  she took two steps forward towards the house.     ❝   she has her whole life ahead of her…  dreams,  a future—   ❞     she trailed off,   caught in a dream-like stupor of  what could have been.    eyelids fluttering closed in an attempt to visualise it too,   a wistful smile spreading across chapped lips.   a two-storied suburban home on a hill,   overlooking a lush garden lined with a picket fence.    inside:    a family of four,   content in their shared bliss of domesticity.  two sisters ran through the corridors,   giggling despite their mother’s shrill cries of protest.   there was sunshine,   the sweet scent of peonies.    then there were fangs,   laced with blood,    black pools filling the space where  eyes would be;    a hunger,   terrible hunger  to tear a body inside out.   and then there was a name   —   MIKAELSON.     yanked back to the present moment   &   with her breath caught mid-way in her throat,   she whirled to face katherine.     ❝   we should protect her—   warn her,   tell her to get out of town   …    or something—   ❞     the words tripped over each other as they left her,   desperately,   like a current of water rushing towards salvation.    her glare was the gleam of a  blade under the sun when she added,     ❝   you will  not  hurt her.   ❞

IN HER GAZE HOPE SPROUTS AND HOPE WITHERS,    DYING WITH THE SHARPNESS OF A KNIFE.      for a brief moment she almost wants to laugh.      it’s been such a long time,    five hundred years,    and her twin refuses to learn to see people for what they truly are.      ( YOU ARE ALMOST ENVIOUS OF THAT INNER GOODNESS.      HOW SHE HOLDS ONTO THE PROMISE OF LEAVING THINGS BETTER THAN SHE FOUND THEM,    A DROWNING GIRL DESPERATELY GRASPING AT WHATEVER STRAWS THE OCEAN MAY FIND FOR HER.      YOU ALMOST COVET IT,    BUT NOT QUITE:      ALTRUISM HASN’T SAVED YOUR LIVES,    AND NO AMOUNT OF PRAYING EVER CHANGED ANYONE’S MIND )      ❝      and why shouldn’t i?      the girl means nothing to me      ——      apart from the fact that she’s our key to freedom.      ❞      she’s seen this before,    too many times to count,    rolling her eyes again and again and again in a ritual not so foreign,    that seems to be elicited more often when in the other’s presence.      another day,    another moral conundrum she could spare.      ❝      do you always have to be so boring?      ❞      she moves then,    blurred frame coming to a stop before elena,    fingers raising to rest ‘pon her collarbone.      the notes that drop from red lips are stained by ridicule.       she is mocking as she turns,    circling her prey    /    wicked smile falling into place.      ❝      elena the martyr      …      elena the savior      …      elena the hero.      no one is going to care that you sacrificed your life,    and mine,    for some teenager you barely knew.      ❞        

❝      we had dreams and a future once,    remember?      ❞      the new doppleganger might not deserve this,    but neither did she.      from time to time she lets herself fantasize about a different life in england:      it often involves a beautiful house and a loving husband,    and it always forsakes thoughts of curses or hunger.      a life which,    despite being a product of exile,    she could’ve grown to adore.      in her wildest dreams,    even her daughter finds her way back home.      her sister remains her best friend,    she’s no longer alone.      NOT LIKE YOU ARE NOW.      those delusions reside only in the spaces between darkness and dawn,    when weakness folds her will to let a little light shine through.      such weakness also claims for more selfishness to come forth.      YOU WERE ROBBED OF THAT CHANCE,    SO YOU WILL HAVE THIS ONE.        ❝      i’m not going to be the one hurting her.      in fact,    i’m not going to touch a single hair on her precious little head.      that’ll be up to klaus.      ❞         her walking halts suddenly.      brown eyes stare at their exact copy with cold intensity,    the kind that stays and rips cities apart until it rains blood.     ❝     you can’t stop me,    elena.      we both know i’m stronger than you.      and smarter,    too.      ❞

[seraaphinamorgenstern]

“Something unlocked in his chest. The thunder in his ears dissolved into red smoke that coiled at the case of his spine. His lighsaber found his hand, and his lips peeled off his teeth in a smile that a krayt dragon would have recognized.”

[eleanoroliphant]

Women are special. Women are survivors. We must lift each other up and we have to be there for each other. Although life can be tough and seem dim, there is so much magic and beauty to find in the world and in one another.

[startasted]

❝      EVEN?      YOU'RE DELUSIONAL.      ❞      laughter takes the shape of a hurricane,    first born within the boundaries of her throat and crawling to escape past sweetly curved lips.      when she stares at her boring excuse for a doppleganger,    all her skin does is burn    /    it's deeply contained fury,    writhing and screaming 'neath the ice painted on her features;      it's disgusted jealousy,    constantly wondering why.      elena gilbert gets to live her pretty little life.      she has survived the sacrifice,    she has evaded being permanently murdered without resorting to vampirism or running for half a century.      a terrible joke on fate's behalf,    really.      ( AND SHE'S STILL COMPLAINING ABOUT HAVING TO DONATE A BIT OF HER BLOOD.      UGH.      MAYBE YOU SHOULD DO THE WORLD A FAVOUR AND KILL HER RIGHT HERE,    RIGHT NOW.      IF YOU DIDN'T HAVE THIS THIRST FOR REVENGE,    OR DIDN'T DEPEND ON THE SALVATORE'S COOPERATION,    YOU WOULD DO IT      ——      NO NEED TO ASK TWICE )      ❝      after all,    i'm the one who helped you and the scooby gang tonight.      ❞       then her lips morph into a delicate pout,    her brows inch closer together,    her head tilts to the left:      she's the picture of innocent grace.      threatening venom coats the words that follow despite her outer mask,    turning them sharp as a knife.      with no promise of staying away in sight.      ❝      what have you ever done for me,    elena?      besides ruining my plans and annoying me with your martyr complex.      ❞      

ELENA GILBERT SAID:      you and me,    we’re even.    no more owed.    you understand?   ( @euhnoias​ )      

[lostcap]

You’re in love with him, and he’s in love with you, and it’s like a goddamn tragedy, because you look at him and see the stars, and he looks at you and sees the sun. And you both think the other is just looking at the ground.

[misskathgifs]

#cutest cute to ever cute

[startasted]

virtue drips from elena's voice,    a tangible sweetness in the air that sticks to the back of her throat and prompts her eyes to roll.      TALK ABOUT SANCTIMONIOUS!      for all the hours spent thinking about her sister,   tracking her down to ensure her safety but always staying out of sight,    she hasn't missed this.      ❝      of course you did.      ❞      saccharine smile twists red lips and contempt crawls betwixt her words.      no one can foil this plan,    this divine move which will finally buy them freedom.      ( HOW CAN SHE NOT WISH FOR IT?      AT NIGHT,    WHENEVER SOME UNHOLY HOURS DECIDE TO GIFT YOU PEACE,    YOUR HEART YEARNS FOR SAFETY.      IT ACHES WITH DEEP ROOTED FEAR:      THE DEVIL WILL FIND YOU NO MATTER HOW CLEVER YOU ARE.      ONE DAY HE WILL,    UNLESS YOU TAKE ACTION,    UNLESS YOU'RE PREPARED TO DO UNSPEAKABLE THINGS.      AND YOU WERE REBORN READY FOR THAT BURDEN,    WERE YOU NOT?      BETTER YOU DIE THAN I,     AFTER ALL ).          ❝      maybe i also wanted to make sure our sweet,    innocent doppleganger was safe and sound.      ❞

it's not only bitterness tainting her heart    /    the corrosive flames of jealousy too,    interwine.      why does she get to live the life we should've had?      if the world doesn't owe you anything then you'll be taking what is yours by force,    you'll ignore your undeserving past to focus on a brighter future.      pretending becomes futile,    for her twin knows her well,    has seen the darkened depths encompassing her soul       ——      they made her leave a long time ago.      PERHAPS KATHERINE SHOULD NOT SEEK TO BARGAIN IN HER NAME.      an empty threat reserved for the empty space inside her chest:      whatever their problems,      and despite her flawless illusion,    she will always care.      ❝      or maybe i want to turn her over to klaus in return for our lives.      isn't that what you want?      ❞          

ELENA GILBERT:      continued from here      ( @euhnoias​ )

[startasted]

DARKNESS STILL SWALLOWS THE SKY WHOLE:      it turns the night so utterly lightless that not even stars dare to shine.      down here every step feels like certain death,    with each and every breath the surrounding shadows almost come to life,    writhing and dangerous      ——      ready to strike.      or perhaps that's just her stupid imagination running wild.      how have their lives come to this?      they've been hunted,    terrorized by one of their best friends,    tortured viciously in a twisted attempt at revenge.      ( JOSH'S BETRAYAL DEEPLY HURTS.      YOU FELT A CONNECTION TO HIM,    A SHARED PLACE TO LAY DOWN THIS OVERWHELMING GRIEF.      YOU ONCE TRUSTED HIM.      IT ALL FEELS WRONG NOW,    TAINTED AND ACHING IN A WAY YOU HAVEN'T EXPERIENCED SINCE HANNAH DIED )      and it hasn't stopped at that,    no.      the damn universe suddenly decided being kidnapped and drugged wasn't enough,    it chose to laugh in their faces and throw fucking monsters into the mix,    too.      simply hilarious.      at times,    the help dawn will bring feels painfully out of reach.          

when emily speaks,    her eyes are quick to move towards the other's features.      lips part instantly as an innate desire to prevent discord crawls beyond her caged teeth:      ❝      they're not    [ . . . ]      ❞      she cannot even bring herself to finish that sentence,    chokes on the realization that there is no defending what mike and ashley tried to do.      yet cautiously tries to soften this irreparable damage.      if they are going to make it out alive of this nightmare,    they have to work together.      they have to be a team.      ❝      they were just scared,    em.      which doesn't mean they weren't acting like huge assholes.      ❞      is asshole too inadequate a word?      she isn't certain what to call someone who has tried to commit murder in the name of safety and dread,    when both perpetrator and victim are longtime friends.      a pause before carrying on      /     only the sound of her own heartbeat fills the space between them.      ❝      maybe desperate people are the ones we should be afraid of.      ❞

EMILY DAVIS SAID:      stupid people are dangerous.    ( @euhnoias​ )

[disneyfeverdaily]

“Thank you for getting me out of there…. Aladdin, isn’t it?”

[startasted]

with blinding sunlight cascading 'round them,    the world almost pretends to be harmless.      sweet.      warmth dances across her skin as words begin to take shape in the bottom of her throat.      eyes widened,    mouth parted:      the strokes of trepidation painted upon her features.      ❝      AFRAID?      OF COURSE I AM      ❞      the safety and the home dorne has provided will not last forever,    not if they intend to reclaim their lives.      memories dance like they belong to another era,    a different time she desperately wishes she could return to.      HER SWEET BALERION,     THE HOURS AND HOURS SPENT PLAYING WITHIN THE RED KEEP,     EVEN HER FATHER QUIETLY READING TO HER AT DUSK.      there's a darkness now looming,     enveloping an otherwise amiable façade.      ❝      only a fool would remain fearless in such dangerous times.      ❞      oh,    she knows of the wars to come.      sometimes,    when night has fallen and she finds herself alone with her ruminations,    the thought of seeing those who destroyed her family suffer is enough to soothe her mind.      ( YOU'RE NOT A LITTLE GIRL ANYMORE.      YOU CANNOT HIDE AND YOU CANNOT RUN.      YOU KNEW THIS DAY WOULD COME.      YOU'VE BEEN PREPARING FOR IT YOUR WHOLE LIFE,    AND YET NOW THAT IT IS POUNDING ON YOUR DOOR YOU PRAY FOR MORE TIME.      YOU PRAY FOR YOUR FAMILY TO COME OUT UNSCATHED,    BUT THE CRUELTY THIS KINGDOM HAS SHOWN YOU CLAIMS THEY WILL NOT.      THEY CANNOT. )      ❝      but that doesn't mean i won't stand by our family,    ma.      ❞      it’s whispered softly,    falls from tightened lips that threaten to curl themselves into a sad smile.      unbowed,    unbent,    unbroken.      true courage doesn't carry the absence of fear.      it sprouts from the realization that there is something even stronger than that fear.      it comes from their strength,     and it comes from their grief.      fingers move to tightly grasp her mother's hand    /    a steel determination now illuminates her gaze.      ❝      we will take back what they stole from us.      ❞      it will mean their reckoning.      she will be a dragon.    with fire and blood,    they will take it.

ELIA MARTELL SAID:      tell me,    are you afraid?  ( @euhnoias​ )      

[startasted]

lagaudiiere‌.

             𝐍𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐄𝐒 𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐍𝐎 𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐑 𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐃𝐄𝐄𝐍 𝐇𝐎𝐌𝐄 — they had started taking up residence when she’d lost her father, because it wasn’t enough that they had nothing to bury, she had to watch it happen over & over, night after night. A horror she hadn’t seen, but her mind tried to recreate. Now, no creativity is needed, for now she relives horrors she can never unsee ( Rue, her little songbird with her wings crushed because she had been too late. Cato — or what was left of him — begging for her arrow, so mangled she could barely make out the words. Peeta, bleeding & poisoned & there was nothing she could do. ) So loud were her screams as she tried to drag herself awake that Effie, in her own way, had tried to help, offering her little pills. She couldn’t have known that the nightmares became more real, more intense — & the pills? They helped her sleep so well that they wouldn’t let her wake, forced to relive everything even longer. Which was why she was here, fingers shaking, attempting to remain anchored around a mug of warm milk ( it was the most comforting thing she could think to ask for. ) She hates the little jump his sudden presence evokes ( & hates even more the relief that follows. ) Unable to return his smile ( muscles refusing to do so ), she instead scoots further down the couch — 𝐚𝐧 𝐮𝐧𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐧 𝐢𝐧𝐯𝐢𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧. Yet his question does get a small exhaled scoff, a near smile. ❛ Bad year. ❜ Words a little rough, she takes a sip of her drink to try to soothe it. 𝙵𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚜. They were trying to be friends now & the word is both oddly foreign & so very welcome that it scares her ( if only friends were all they had to be. ) She sighs, holding out the mug, 𝐚 𝐬𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐨𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠. ❛ Did you hear? ❜ The screams that have left her throat raw. 𝙷𝚒𝚜 𝚗𝚊𝚖𝚎 𝚘𝚗 𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚕𝚒𝚙𝚜. Did she wake him?

                  𝐕𝐈𝐂𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐘 𝐅𝐀𝐕𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐒 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐁𝐎𝐋𝐃 ,    but he does not feel particularly brave or strong tonight.     his collected facade decays ,    decimated at his feet after another endless round of terrifying dreams.     it will never end ,    their minds won’t find peace ,    they won’t rest  :    the thought steals the remaining breath from inside his lungs.     it weakens already crumbling legs and he's undeniably grateful when katniss offers him a place beside her.     the empty spot shines like a beacon of comfort ,    a light in the midst of all this darkness they carry inside their hearts.     no one else but her could understand     /     no one else could quiet the raging storm ,    and so his feet are quick to take him towards her ,    sitting down heavily before adjusting his prosthetic leg.     here ,    his chest rises and falls only a bit more easily ,    her presence instantly calming.     though he doesn't look at her yet ,    he does accept the mug with his eyes downcast.    slowly taking  a sip while gathering his scattered     (     𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚏𝚛𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚎𝚗𝚎𝚍     )     thoughts  ;     the milk soothes him in ways the water could not.     honeyed notes ,    static silence.     what does he say exactly ,    when he is so used to being the one who brings about reassurance  ?     when his nightmares usually compel him to simply paint and make sure she is still breathing  ?     a sigh also escapes him ,    fingers moving to comb through damp hair.     they would rather anchor themselves to her ,    hold her close and keep her that way.     he merely shakes his head.     ❛     tell me about it.     ❜     his words seem defeated ,    almost soundless.     blue eyes finally raise to search her features  :     they remain as unrevealing as always.     ❛     not tonight.     ❜     his own demons drowned all other sounds.     ❛     were they bad this time  ?     ❜                

[startasted]

                𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐑𝐄𝐌𝐍𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐍𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐄 still reign the beat of his heart when he enters the kitchen compartment.     a savage fight against the walls of his chest ,    droplets of sweat sliding down his forehead.     tonight was different  ;    not a vivid memory or the haunting image of katniss dying.     this time ,    he barely remembers     (     in your dreams ,    you're drowning ,    trapped 'neath the surface.     a sea of terrifying voices begging for mercy you cannot show.     those of the fallen ,    the slain.     through their suffocating screams you are gasping for air and desperately search for a way out     /     but escaping seems impossible.     such a lugubrious cacophony of sounds is enough to drive anyone mad.     their claim rises until it's all you can hear  :     𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚔𝚒𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚍 𝚞𝚜 ,    𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚔𝚒𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚍 𝚞𝚜 ,    𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚔𝚒𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚍 𝚞𝚜.     the water invades your mouth ,    your ears ,    your eyes ,    always shrierking     ——     it feels as if decades have passed when you’re finally allowed to wake up.     )     and remains enveloped in that haze  :     almost lost.     an unexpected presence washes most of it away ,    however he cannot yet speak.     all he can manage is an unsteady smile     (     𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝑡𝑜 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘱𝘩 𝘪𝘵 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘦𝘳  !     )     as his legs carry him towards the table.     his pale fingers tremble when they pick up a glass ,     filling it with ice water that soon trickles down a throat so sore ,    he wonders if he screamed alongside his victims.     lips part to deliver a fickle attempt at humor ,    tone tightening ever so slightly.     ❛     bad night ,    huh  ?     ❜  

[startasted]

lagaudiiere‌.

           𝐒𝐇𝐄 𝐂𝐀𝐍’𝐓 𝐋𝐎𝐎𝐊 𝐀𝐖𝐀𝐘 𝐅𝐑𝐎𝐌 𝐇𝐄𝐑. 𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐒𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑. 𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐒𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐖𝐇𝐎’𝐒 𝐀𝐋𝐖𝐀𝐘𝐒 𝐁𝐄𝐄𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄. Until now. Until she no longer was. Until she no longer will be. She feels as if she’s mourning a loss, but she can’t properly grieve because she’s right here! Narcissa keeps her features devoid of the whirlwind of emotions brewing beneath ( She always has. She’s just never had to do it like this & never in front of Andromeda. ) Yelling is not her, Andromeda knows this ( but she wants to, she so wants to yell & scream & shake her sister — 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠? ) ❛ I just want to know why. ❜ She’s proud, proud that her words merely convey the ice she’s so well-known for ( & not the pain of it, for she feels shards of that very ice digging into her skin, poking aching chest. )

                𝐈𝐓 𝐀𝐋𝐌𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐒 𝐀 𝐇𝐎𝐑𝐑𝐈𝐅𝐘𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐏𝐈𝐂𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐄  :    the sordid strength that swipes over her sister's features.    it's not unlike a storm ,    ravaging ,    burning and freezing in equal parts.    she is covered in ice ,    and that expression has never been directed at andromeda ,    not once in her entire life.    (   you stupid girl ,    were you foolish enough to think they would forgive you  ?     𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘢 ,    you wish to argue.    but you held this hope ,    so close to your dear heart ,    that perhaps narcissa would accept it ,    if not understand it.    the knowledge that your were so deeply wrong claws at your chest ,    tearing your lungs apart.    )    darkened gaze is suddenly flooded with tears that she never allows to fall ,    preventing her from seeing the coldness that envelops the atmosphere ,    tangible at the bottom of her throat.     𝘛𝘏𝘌 𝘗𝘙𝘌𝘚𝘚𝘜𝘙𝘌 ,    𝘛𝘏𝘌 𝘛𝘌𝘕𝘚𝘐𝘖𝘕    /    it's almost too much ,    yet she manages to school her features into those of dry disappointment.     ❛     i fell in love.     ❜     her notes laced with fervor ,    head shaking as she again speaks.     ❛     is that really so despicable  ?     ❜

[startasted]

lagaudiiere.

                                𝐒𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐒 𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐆𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃 𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐅𝐀𝐂𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐑 & 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐍 𝐀𝐍𝐘𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐇𝐀𝐒 𝐇𝐈𝐌 𝐓𝐀𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐀 𝐁𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐇. Her defensiveness makes him believe that he was right, she was doing this out of pity, like he was some poor Seam boy who just needed her help. ❛ It is a bad thing. Don’t you get it? I don’t want — ❜ Her in his life? That’s a lie she can call out as clearly as day. If he hadn’t wanted her in his life, he wouldn’t have let her in. He hadn’t meant to, it had just happened, but he hadn’t stopped it. Not as much as he should have, clearly. ❛ I don’t want your pity. Or your charity or — whatever you think that was. ❜ All his life, it’s been him & him alone & he’s provided. He can’t imagine a world where he can’t. 𝐈𝐟 𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬𝐧’𝐭, 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐫𝐞 𝐟𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐲 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐬𝐮𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫. He is wildfire & rage, waiting to burn, often wishing to allow the fire that burns within him to take down the awful regime to the ground with him but not her. Never her. She’s been a balm to his wounds ( the irony is not lost on him. It just hurts all the more, fresh wounds a reminder he can’t forget, even if he wanted to ), a softness to the callousness that is their world, but also him ( especially him. ) When she shifts, when her words become softer, he takes a breath, tries to mirror her ( tries to calm the raging fire within. ) ❛ I wouldn’t have died. ❜ He bites back the other words he wants to say — I would have been fine. He doesn’t think that’s true & he gives her more credit than that to say them. But he wouldn’t have died. He’s been through worse. He has to. He can’t be soft & weak. 

              𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐇𝐔𝐓𝐒 𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐄𝐘𝐄𝐒 𝐁𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐅𝐋𝐘 𝐁𝐄𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐄 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐔𝐈𝐍𝐆, 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐇𝐀𝐌𝐌𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐈𝐍 𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐒𝐓, 𝐁𝐔𝐓 𝐇𝐄 𝐊𝐄𝐄𝐏𝐒 𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐕𝐎𝐈𝐂𝐄 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍. ❛ Don’t you get it? ❜ That was his problem. ❛ You do this — this thing & hide it. And then ask for nothing in return. ❜ He can’t owe anyone. Especially not her. Not in the cruel world they call District 12. It sits uneasily in his chest & will weigh him down forever. He can’t look her in the eyes if he owes her. Not like he used to But he has nothing to give that she doesn’t already have. ❛ I told you I don’t want your charity. I’ll pay you back. ❜ He can feel shame coursing through his veins. ❛ I don’t know how, Madge, but I will. ❜ Strawberries are the only thing he can think of & it leaves him feeling more helpless. No amount of strawberries will pay back what she’d done. Friends. The word feels almost out of place between them, definitely a jarring contrast to his anger & the betrayal he feels. ❛ Friends don’t hide things from each other. ❜

                    𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐅𝐋𝐀𝐌𝐄𝐒 𝐇𝐀𝐕𝐄 𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃 𝐀 𝐇𝐎𝐌𝐄 𝐃𝐄𝐄𝐏 𝐈𝐍 𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐋𝐔𝐍𝐆𝐒.    the manner in which his words are delivered damages her ,    blow after blow ,    tearing them further away from each other.    is there a way to escape this ruination  ?    the entirety of him tells her no ,    that whatever they briefly shared will surely be gone once morning comes.     𝘈𝘕𝘋 𝘚𝘏𝘌 𝘋𝘖𝘌𝘚𝘕'𝘛 𝘞𝘈𝘕𝘛 𝘛𝘖 𝘉𝘌𝘓𝘐𝘌𝘝𝘌 𝘐𝘛 ,    𝘉𝘜𝘛 𝘚𝘏𝘌 𝘋𝘖𝘌𝘚.    his fire reaches her and she allows it to taint her veins ,    boiling her blood.     ❛     don't you dare tell me that.     ❜    oh ,    she is furious at what he proclaims  !    how can he say   (   so easily ,    so painfully   ) that her actions were wrong  ?    how can he prefer her indifference to her kindness  ?    he's 𝒈𝒂𝒍𝒆 𝒉𝒂𝒘𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒓𝒏𝒆  :    that's how.    as soon as it was summoned ,    her fickle intensity evaporates into sadness ,    and her arms tighten 'round slender frame.    remaining angry has never been her strong suit.     ❛     i couldn't stand the thought of you suffering.    i had to do something.     ❜    preferring not to contradict him    (   of course he would've died ,    the human body was not made to withstand such unmeasurable pain  :    not even one as strong as his'   )    madge instead chooses to expel a dry laugh.     ❛     what i did wasn't pity or charity ,    it was    ——     ❜     𝕤𝕖𝕝𝕗𝕚𝕤𝕙.    there was no altruism ,    no sacrifice in her deeds.    her motive was simple enough  :    a world he wasn't a part of sounded terrifying.    in so little time he had become vital to her ,    a constant that crept up her life and refused to leave.    after being lonely for so long ,    who could blame her for getting attatched so soon  ?    she appreciates the softening of his tone.    still ,    the embers dance 'neath his gaze ,   savagely waiting for another opportunity to attack.    and so she sighs ,    for  she doesn't dare finish her sentence    /    yet his next words rapidly coax what she intended to say out of hiding.                           

                    ❛     𝐈 𝐇𝐈𝐃 𝐈𝐓 𝐁𝐄𝐂𝐀𝐔𝐒𝐄 𝐈 𝐊𝐍𝐄𝐖 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐖𝐎𝐔𝐋𝐃 𝐃𝐎 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐒  !     ❜     cue an incredulous shake of her head.     ❛    you are so stubborn ,    gale ,    that you can't even see beyond your own stupid prejudice and realize i did it because i care about you  !     ❜    because i love you ,    she  almost yells ,    and the revelation has her breathing heavily ,    a scared light entering her eyes.    when she once again speaks ,    her voice is back to an almost whisper ,    irritating tears threatening to fall before being vanquished in the name of endurance.     ❛     and i care about your family.    the morphling helped them ,    too.     ❜     she vividly recalls the hope washing over hazelle's features ,    her disbelief and her gratitude.    the brightness illuminating vick's face when  he realized his brother wouldn't be in pain for much longer.     ❛     they didn't deserve to see you suffering.     ❜      the medicine gave them peace ,    and she could never regret that ,    no matter how much gale's anger pained her.     ❛     𝘪 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘰 𝘱𝘢𝘺 𝘮𝘦 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬.     ❜     she sounds tired now ,    the hurricane of emotions draining any energy she had left.     ❛    ——    and whatever you're thinking of giving me ,    i won't accept it.    ❜    the wheels turning inside his brain ,    she can almost see them  :    thinking ,    planning to give her what he does not possess.    him and his damned pride    /    she has too much ,    too many things she does not need or even deserve.    his last accusation comes laced with notes of betrayal.    she had done exactly that ,    destroyed the precarious trust they'd shared   ;   the acknowledgment of this festers inside her heart ,    the guilt devastating.     ❛     friends do what's best for each other.    ❜     she can't apologize ,    she won't.    not for saving him ,    and not for lying about it ,    though perhaps deceiving him had been wrong.    a knot forms down her throat ,    stopping her for telling him more.    she swallows to dissolve it ,    knowing what she wants to say is the ultimate truth  :    she would rather have him not speak to her ever again ,    than have him be dead.     ❛     even if it means losing the other person.     ❜