In this world it’s yeet or be yote.

tw: ed side blog,, please block me if you’re in recovery or thinking about recovery, you deserve to get better, i believe in you <3 — current bmi of 29 - goal bmi of 17 active as of may 2021 they/them, 18, vegetarian days without binging: 1

[starvingenby]

my dms are always open if anyone needs to vent or generally need some friendly words of support. however, i will not encourage your eating disorder, ever.

[sweet-hearts]

[jenn1fersbody]

@chadwaifu on pinterest

[starvingenby]

oh so just two days ago my dad was raising hell about me blowing through a whole package of junk food but now all the sudden it’s “i’m worried i haven’t seen you eat at all” man shut the fuck up

[sn0wflake-thin]

[starvingenby]

uh hi i was gone for like a month but i’m baaack for better or for worse i guess

[understands]

[starvingenby]

maybe it’s a good thing i don’t live alone yet because i definitely would have died by now just from the sheer amount i’d be smoking without people to slow me down

[decayr]

[starvingenby]

the worst part about this shit is using up all my “allowed” food and having to choose between not eating for however many days it’ll be before the next grocery run or binging and ruining the progress i’ve made.

[starvingenby]

twice in a row now i did actually intend on meeting my calorie goal, but i soon as i’ve eaten like half of what i was gonna eat i feel like shit and i feel fat. i don’t feel okay about myself unless i’m actively starving.

[starvingenby]

honestly wish i didn’t have such a fucked up mindset bc my body is literally not even that bad. like i have soft skin and some neat birthmarks and my body shape is nice, but i look at myself and all i can see is failure and mistakes and flaws. i feel like such a waste, someone else should have this body, someone who can appreciate it. i don’t deserve it. i don’t deserve my health.

[eatersneverprosper]

“Your brain alone needs 500 calories...” yeah well my brain should have thought about that before it gave me all these disorders

[starvingenby]

right now i’m at the point where i genuinely don’t even feel hungry, i just feel weak and agitated. this is what i’ve been wanting for years now. i’m so happy.

[100lb-deactivated20220527]

[starvingenby]

okay so today my dad came home with junk food (coincidentally two of my favorites :/) and i knew if i tried to ignore them i’d end up binging so i ate just a serving size of two of them and in total it was like 360 calories so my total intake is still under 900 (more then i’ve been eating but still in a deficient) and i actually feel okay about it. obviously i haven’t lost any visible weight in the past few days because i’m trying to undo months and months of 2000-4000+ calorie binges so i still feel like shit because of my body but at least i can feel okay about my food choices :)

[starvingenby]

i’m really proud of myself rn, i’m up way too late and i’m really hungry and craving pizza and stuff like that but instead of letting it get the best of me like i always do, i made some broccoli and loaded it with spices. only like 130 calories which is a lot for a latenight snack but hell it beats binging on toast and cheese

[starvingenby]

FURTHERMORE ! i forced myself to drink lots of water in between bites (which i never do bc i hate drinking water) and i left a couple bites uneaten (also something very difficult for me) so i’m very :) rn