Johnny Appleseed

A Indie Statesman OC SIDEBLOG

[statesmancider]

❛ I’m just gonna stay angry. I find that relaxes me. ❜

“Yeah? Why not try yoga or somethin more productive?”

[swallowedblood-archived]

A Ron Swanson™ sentence meme.

Because we all need to appreciate our lord and savior, Ron Swanson.

❛ Is Star Wars the one with the little wizard boy? ❜

❛ I’m just gonna stay angry. I find that relaxes me. ❜

❛ I can’t go, because I don’t want to. ❜

❛ You take me nowhere, and I talk to no one. ❜

❛ If any of you need anything, too bad. ❜

❛ I’m not sure I’m interested in that. ❜

❛ No, I am sure. I’m not interested in that. ❜

❛ I like saying no. ❜

❛ I hate everything. ❜

❛ I love nothing! ❜

❛ I regret nothing. ❜

❛ I regret everything. ❜

❛ People are idiots. ❜

❛ Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing. ❜

❛ Normally, if given a choice between something and nothing, I’d choose to do nothing. ❜

❛ I don’t want to seem overdramatic, but I really don’t care what happens here. ❜

❛ Keep your tears in your eyes where they belong. ❜

❛ Dear frozen yogurt, you are the celery of desserts. Be ice cream or be nothing. Zero stars. ❜

❛ Fishing relaxes me. It’s like yoga, except I still get to kill something. ❜

❛ I’m usually not one for speeches, so goodbye. ❜

❛ No. ❜

❛ What’s “cholesterol” ? ❜

❛ Your house isn’t haunted, you’re lonely. ❜

❛ I’m not interested in caring about people. ❜

❛ Strippers do nothing for me. But I’ll take a free breakfast buffet anytime, anyplace. ❜

❛ Birthdays were invented by Hallmart to sell cards. ❜

❛ You had me at meat tornado. ❜

❛ I like saying ‘no’. It lowers their enthusiasm. ❜

❛ [Son/daughter], people can see you! ❜

❛ Please do not approach me on the street after this event, and attempt to talk to me. ❜

❛ It’s called ‘the ground’ when it’s outside. ❜

❛ There’s no wrong way to consume alcohol. ❜

❛ Creativity is for people with glasses who like to lie. ❜

❛ I don’t like loud noises, and people making a fuss. ❜

❛ There’s only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk… Which is water that’s lying about being milk. ❜

❛ I know what I’m about, son. ❜

❛ I think there should be less talking in life. ❜

❛ Breakfast food can serve many purposes. ❜

❛ When I eat, it’s the food that is scared. ❜

❛ I was born ready. I’m [name] fucking [name]! ❜

❛ Not to worry, I have a permit. ❜

❛ I would rather bleed out than sit here and talk about my feelings for 10 hours! ❜

❛ Crying. Acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon. ❜

❛ When people get too chummy with me, I like to call them by the wrong name, to let them know I really don’t care about them. ❜

❛ I’m not a sore loser! It’s just that I prefer to win, and when I don’t, I get furious. ❜

❛ I wouldn’t say we’re close. ❜

[statesmancider]

@agentbubbly

“I don’t think Tequila will ever be the same.” Johnny did his best to keep a straight face as they left the bar. “He was so sure he’d get the lady’s number before you did.”

[madmadworlds-deactivated2020051]

same

[statesmancider]

theagentcider:

“N-n-no sir! I didn’t sir!” He said. He was suggested to meet his predecessor by Champ when he was told he was the new Cider. Joe agreed to see who’s legacy he was keeping up as well. He had seen the older male around and heard about his missions. But meeting him, he was a bit scary.

“I hope y’lie better than that in the field, kid.” Pale eyes bored into the young, nervous man knowingly. Johnny knew exactly what he was doing and he was going to probably get in trouble with Champ if he made the poor kid piss himself, but he was going to do it anyway.

“C’mon, sit down before you faint. I’m too old t’ be dragging bodies around the HQ.”

[statesmancider]

fcmily:

Of course, Micheal’s time in his agency still showed in his words, and actions. Yet, he still was out of it enough he had normal habits. 

“I suppose that some people would run,” Micheal said, and softly swore in french. “Do you have a phone? My isn’t working here right now.” He hadn’t gotten his international coverage renewed in time for this trip, after all. Thankfully, he knew a few people in the US to call, to see if they’d be able to help. 

“Lucky for you, I actually have a spare. It was supposed t’ be for my grandson’s girlfriend when she lands, but I can get another.” He reached into his pocket, pulling out a burner and tossing it to the man without a second thought. “You need a lift, too? ‘cause my car’s just out back.”

[statesmancider]

@governmentofficial

“Can’t an old man take a vacation here without being harassed by the government?”

[statesmancider]

@theagentcider

“Joe...did you just call me ‘grandpa’?” 

Johnny’s mustache twitched as he tried to suppress a smile. No, the new Cider needed the Strict Johnny Appleseed, not the good kind one. That was what he’d been telling himself ever since Ginger suggested the young man take over for him in the field. Not that he could ever keep the strict, business face that Champ and the others could still do so well. But, there was an attempt as always.

[statesmancider]

@agcntmartini

“Chrissy, darlin’, you coulda texted me if you needed a ride to D.C. I just got one o’ the jets back from California.”

[statesmancider]

@ghosttequila

“Don’t you look at me like that, boy. I was only supposed t’ pick you up, not a girl, too. She can catch a can.”

[statesmancider]

@thenameisq

“Boy, you’re welcome to drop by th’ ranch and see if it’s up to yer standards for those fancy Astons y’ got. Don’t usually house foreign cars for the government, but I can make an exception for you.”

[statesmancider]

@fuckstates

“Y’know there are these phone apps that could get you a better ride than this ol’ junk bucket.”

[statesmancider]

@fcmily

“Y’see a lot o’ different people in the booze business.” Johnny’s smile was an easy one to match his carefree drawl. He never liked people knowing too much, especially those that worked for officially sanctioned agencies. “Wasn’t surprising t’me when he up and started runnin’ from you suit types.”

[statesmancider]

statesmanrum:

“I definitely wasn’t invited to that event but honestly, were you really that shocked? I mean, I know Tequila is a pretty cool agent — don’t tell him I said that— but is it really surprising that he managed to do that?” His eyebrows were slightly furrowed. “I promise I’ll treat Prissy right. If there’s a scrape on it… I’ll buy you another one.”

“Tell y’what: you take Prissy fer a spin and if she comes back purrin’, I’ll let you take yer pick o’ my cars next time. Scratch her and yer getting a pedalin’ bike next time.”

[statesmancider]

starter call, kids. like for a thing from grandpa cider

[statesmancider]

@pueroimmersi

“Ain’t nothin’ wrong with a good ol’ fashioned martini, I always say--and not the whiskey kind.”

[statesmancider]

statesmangin:

@statesmancider

“Guess who just saved a few hundred women and children from an underground sex trafficking ring..This guy..Me..it was me..Got them all to safety and then blew the fucker up. It’s my style..It was awesome it like caved in on it’s self..And I got to blow something up and save people so..It’s been a good week!”

“I saw some of the footage from Ginger. You’re a bonafide Hollywood superhero.”