Forever young @stayevildarling - Tumblr Blog

Hello, could I request a sarah character (WV, CG, or BDH (or all 3 🤞) and reader fic. Something like R has been acting strange, distant and or just not her usual self, sarah character notices and begins to worry so snoops through Rs things, and r catches her gf in the act, and it starts a big argument. R may cause the argument and make it a bigger deal then it already is as like I said, she's not been herself. Hurtful words get said and r and gf don't speak for a good few days. And then finally they manage to talk it out after something happens (idk u can choose how this goes)

Thank you

Cordelia Goode x Wilhemina Venable x Billie Dean Howard x Reader- Let Down

A/N: I LOVE this request!! Thank you so much🤍 I changed some things a little bit but hope you enjoy

tw/tags: established poly relationship, mention of smoking, mention of troubled sleeping, some very slight mention of past trauma, angst/hurt, comfort

word count: 8k

taglist:

@lunaticwhittaker , @billiebeanhoward , @lanawinters-ily @kenzbro , @minaslittleone , @httpfiftyshadesofgay @whitelotus00, @ninaahelvar , @paulsonsratched , @vintagepaulson , @isle-of-earle , @grilledcheeseandguavajelly , @lucyintheskywithxanax , @fanfics4world , @mymiraclewitch , @hazard-to-myself , @awritersometimes , @wastdstime , @p1pecleanerwitheyes , @queen2234 , @ihartnat , @lifebyinez, @ahsatanizgay, @laavaagil, @wtfffisgoingon, @stepintomyworld

The first person who noticed was Cordelia of course, the blonde angel who had known you the longest. Supreme and headmistress of the academy you had been a part of for years. She noticed immediately how your usual bright smile didn‘t reach your eyes anymore. How it seemed forced at times. And the thing that made her most sad, was that she knows exactly what you think of her, how you feel and how she is your sunshine always and had been for years. When you finally confessed your love for her years ago, you had told her that looking at her felt like seeing the sun rise every morning and she was undeniably your sun and Cordelia knew it. But you had no idea that the blonde thought exactly the same way about you.

Your smiles would make her whole day brighter, whether the sleepy morning ones where you would yawn and stretch in the most adorable way, the subtle shy smiles during dinner with your other girlfriends or those proud smiles you had reserved for her only, whenever she was being her badass supreme self as you called it. She had missed those lately, seeing them replaced with these quick forced ones that she hadn‘t seen before. She noticed that your hands were often shaking in the day, how they wouldn‘t reach for her anymore, not locking pinkies during cooking or walks in the academy gardens with her, how you wouldn‘t reach for her at night anymore.

She noticed everything about you always, every slight discomfort she could feel deep in her bones, every bad day. And undeniably you didn‘t have many of those, you were always the bright one, the collected and calm one managing to stay calm even during the darkest storms the academy or she ever faced. Your hands would always find her shoulders after a long day in her office, massaging her shoulders gently to ease the tension. You would always lean your head on her shoulders afterwards, gentle of course and she would always take in your scent, soft lavender or honey whenever you stole her or Wilhemina‘s shampoo again, occasionally some fancy lotion when you stole Billies, even though you would giggle and lie about it.

You had been their missing puzzle piece, the fitting centre that finally made them realize their feelings, finally allow Wilhemina to move into the academy fully and finally make the three of them more than the occasional hookup since fate let them meet on accident. Suddenly there were feelings, butterflies and Billie‘s teasing flirty self was replaced by a gentler version of herself, one that would finally stop running and substitute sex for love. She finally allowed herself to feel after years of thinking she couldn‘t settle. You finally broke Wilhemina‘s walls down a little bit. She was still quiet at times, still dealing with her pains herself but seeing your face at the end of every work day, that gentle smile and your gestures like a warm bath waiting for her every night made everything better.

And Cordelia knew all of that. It was subtle at first, the missing smiles replaced with forced fake ones, the shaking hands, the faint smell of cigarette smell clinging to your clothes, at first assuming it was from Billie. But then you withdrew little by little. There was still tea waiting for her in her office every morning but you wouldn‘t sit there to have it with her. There was still Mina‘s lunchbox for work sitting on the kitchen counter every morning but not you sitting next to it and kissing her goodbye while your feet dangled off the island in the most adorable way. Billie‘s cigarettes would always be full, you slipping out whenever she was out but this time it wasn‘t coming with you surprising them with little things from the shop anymore, just full packs for the medium every other night.

It really hit her when the seasons changed, the summer heat slowly replaced by shades of oranges, yellow and red, crunchy leaves in the driveway or garden to the academy. But you weren‘t really around to enjoy it, you weren‘t dragging them to Starbucks when pumpkin spice season hit and you didn‘t even force them to decorate for your favourite season with you way too early, making Wilhemina groan and Billie and her just chuckle before giving in like every year. It hit her that random day when the rain pattered against her office window and you weren‘t sitting there staring at the rain in fluffy socks with some tea in your hand. You were gone, replaced by this version of you she had never seen before.

You moved through the academy like a ghost, not present for meals or activities with the witches, often joining in bed at night when they were already sleeping and the first out of bed every single morning. Sometimes she couldn‘t find you, not in your shared room, not in the greenhouse, not curled up in Billie or Wilhemina‘s office. She would eventually find you on the sofa or on the small bench in the garden, sleeping every single time, curled up in one of Billie‘s oversized hoodies or one of the throw blankets Mina had knitted. And the image broke her every single time, seeing you so small, curled up and clearly something bothering you in order to withdraw from them so much. And she tried- god she had tried to break through to you, conversations in her office, over dinner but every single time your voice was barely steady, changing the subject or keep reassuring her you are fine but she felt it deep in her bones that something wasn‘t right.

And she had tried to talk to your other two partners too, Billie sharing her concerns but equally clueless as to what to do, having tried a few things herself. Wilhemina kept telling her to leave you be because it would only make it worse to pry and to give you time. She knew it all too well, what forcing someone to open up does and so she reassured Cordelia every single time and told her to back off a little bit. But of course the redhead worried too, she could read you just like Cordelia could and even though you tried harder to pretend with her, knowing she was stricter, she noticed, of course she did. She doesn‘t remember the last time you curled up on her chest or randomly appear in her office late and ask when she would come to bed before plonking in the chair opposite her, refusing to sleep until she was done before eventually dozing off anyway.

But Cordelia couldn‘t listen to her partner. Not when this was about you. One of the most important people in her life that captured her heart so fiercly when the world made her think at some point she would never find love without betrayal ever again. And so, as she stands near the drawer in your shared bedroom, the rain pounding against the windows, her thoughts go a million miles an hour, trying to decide if this really was the way. Whether she should trust her gut and look for even the smallest hint that her suspicions are right after having tried to get you to open up and failing. She keeps hearing Wilhemina‘s voice in the back of her mind, telling her to let you breathe and come to them when you are ready and she remembers Billie‘s equal concern but nodding in agreement with Wilhemina.

A storm rages through Cordelia as she is torn between love for you and the fierce urge to protect you and help you through whatever this is. Her hands linger over your wardrobe side for a long time before she finally pushes it open, telling herself if anything, she could pretend to do your washing even if that was a lie. She carefully slides her hands over your clothes, opening the drawers but finding nothing. And for a moment she realizes what the hell she is doing because in no other universe would she ever be doing this, especially to you. But her feet lead her to your nighttable anyway and she hovers for a second before pulling it open. At first she doesn‘t find anything unusual, a notebook and pen and she flips through it, seeing nothing of concern before gently setting it on the bed. She doesn‘t see anything unusual at first, some lotion, some painkillers.

It‘s not until she lifts the little drawer insert when she sees a packet of cigarettes and a lighter, tugged neatly behind a book, clearly not something that was meant to be found. Before she has the chance to open the book however, the door opens and Cordelia freezes. There you stand, on your way to the wardrobe, wanting to get yourself a hoodie before stopping in your tracks, at first noticing the wardrobe open, then your eyes wander to the bed seeing your things and then seeing Cordelia standing there with your lighter and packet of cigarettes in her hands, her expression filled with both concern and guilt as her mouth opens almost to explain but closes again because she knows whatever she could say next, would never make the betrayal of this any better.

You stand frozen, eyes narrowing a little as the realisation settles in that she wasn‘t just looking for something, she was digging through your things, without asking, clearly not trusting you enough. No words come as you avert your gaze to the bed, your things laid out so neatly and gently, kinda proving that she wasn‘t just aimlessly digging and disregarding your stuff, she was so gentle and careful but god it stings. The world stops for a moment as neither of you find the right words to say. And just then, the sound of a cane can be heard, far away at first but then following into the cold bedroom, usually filled with so much warmth and light. Wilhemina only sees your frame at first, lips parted and eyes looking so full of sadness before she steps in further and sees Cordelia, a pack of cigarettes and lighter in her hand, standing by your nighttable.

The redheads eyes close quickly, a flicker of disappointment crossing her features as she sighs audibly and it speaks length. „What are you doing Cordelia?“ she asks, turning towards the blonde, her posture tense as every inch of her body made it clear that she wasn‘t on board with this. „I just - I couldn‘t wait and watch any longer .. I needed to“ the blonde starts before Wilhemina cuts her off „Invade her privacy?“ she snaps, her tone startling you a little as you snap out of it for a moment. „I told you to let her come to us for gods sake“ she hisses, her cane echoing through the bedroom once, unable to hide her disapproval, knowing exactly how fragile you are right now, even if they don‘t know why and knowing this would only push you further away.

„Don‘t“ Cordelia hisses, setting the cigarettes and lighter on the bed, her frustration slowly bubbling to the surface. „Don‘t make me the bad guy Wilhemina, not when I‘m the only one who seems to care“ the supreme snaps. Your eyes widen, completely frozen in the tense storm brewing before Wilhemina snaps „You call this care? Billie and me care plenty but we also care enough not to go through her things. She isn‘t a fucking teenager Cordelia, she is an adult, allowed to have her own secrets and deal with her own problems“ the redhead snaps, causing the supreme to sigh in annoyance. „Oh yeah? even when she‘s smoking? hurting herself in silence huh?“ the blonde snaps and that only seems to fuel Wilhemina more as she chuckles bitterly. „Oh get off your high horse Cordelia, Billie smokes plenty and we don‘t fucking scold her for it, if anything it turns you on“.

You stand there, caught in a storm that is clearly brewing because of you but somehow you can‘t speak, your hands beginning to shake and ears ringing slightly as you hated this, arguments, raised voices more than anything else. Before you can hear more of their arguing, your feet carry you out of the room and down the stairs, past a very startled Billie who stares at you with furrowed eyebrows, following the raised voices, considering whether to go after you as you slip past her wordlessly but deciding to head to the bedroom first, wanting to figure out what the hell she missed. „What the hell is going on?“ she asks as she steps inside, clueless as to what happened and drove you away.

„Well Cordelia decided to snoop through her things and get caught by her of course“ Wilhemina hisses sarcastically which only makes Cordelia put your things back neatly before banging the drawer shut in frustration, causing the picture frame on top with the framed photo of you four to rattle violently. „Dee“ Billie tilts her head in disapproval, her eyebrows furrowing as to why she couldn‘t wait even though she gets it, having been worried about you too, ever since Cordelia first brought this up. „We need to calm down for her sake, she just left“ the medium explains and then it hits your two girlfriends, realizing you aren‘t standing there anymore and both of them having been so caught up in the arguing that they aren‘t even sure how much of that you heard.

„She looked so scared and sad“ Billie sighs as she rubs her temples, unsure how to fix this right now, the tension between Cordelia and Wilhemina very obvious right now. „What did you find?“ Billie asks, not to pry but wanting to know if she found something that could lead them in the right direction after all. „She didn‘t even find anything bad, just a lighter and some cigarettes“ Wilhemina hisses before Cordelia rolls her eyes. „I did find a book“ the supreme says before glancing at the now shut drawer again. „What book?“ Billie asks before the blonde sighs „A notebook, never seen it before maybe a diary“ the supreme whispers before Wilhemina shakes her head and bangs her cane again. „No way, you are so damn lucky you didn‘t open that. You- We did enough damage for one night“ the redhead hisses and with those words she turns, balancing on her cane as she turns away from them and walks out of the room, leaving behind a hollow silence.

The mediums eyes follow her girlfriend out the room, glancing at the empty hallway for a moment before they land on Cordelia again. „Cordelia it‘s okay, I get it, you were scared“ Billie tries reassuring her but the supreme just shakes her head. „Don‘t- don‘t try and comfort me Billie, shes right“ she gestures towards where Wilhemina stood moments before. „You should have seen her when she came in here, she looked devastated“ the supreme sighs before quickly wiping at her eyes, the guilt eating her alive as she steps away, disappearing into her office, knowing you needed time now, as no amount of words could fix what you had walked in to. Billie sighs before heading downstairs, eventually finding you curled up on the sofa, your soft breathing steady as you must have fallen asleep but she sees how red your cheeks are, how you must have been crying and she hates this, hates that Delia caused this, hates that she couldn‘t hold and soothe and comfort you like you had done for them so many times in the past.

She worldlessly reaches for a bottle of cold water from the fridge, quietly placing it on the coffee table for when you would wake up before wrapping a blanket around your frame and leaving you be, heading to the garden for a smoke, trying to clear her head and find for a way to navigate this. It doesn‘t take long before the sound of a cane echoes through the academy, Wilhemina‘s steps gentle but equally rushed as she tries to find you, having calmed down from her frustration against Cordelia. She sees the outline of Billie smoking outside, before her steps stop when she sees you on the sofa. She sighs, hearing soft whimpers and snoring and her eyes close because she wants nothing more than to shield you from whatever this is- hold you the way you have held her in the past.

Cordelia appears seconds later, the same instinct and guilt making her find you and she stops besides Wilhemina, sighing softly seeing you like this, and the guilt eating her alive. She glances at Wilhemina then and their eyes share the same understanding, despite the harsh words exchanged before, what really matters right now is you. „I‘ll make some dinner for when she wakes“ Cordelia says softly before Wilhemina nods and very quietly walks towards the armchair, opposite where you are sleeping. She sets her cane down before sitting, not making a single noise as she watches over you like your very own guardian angel, wanting to be right there for when you wake up.

By the time you do, the academy is considerably darker, the food Cordelia made still on the stove on low heat, the three of them wanting to eat with you even though it was way past your usual dinner time. Wilhemina watches as your breath hitches as your eyes force open, almost as if you were expecting something bad to happen the second your eyes open. Her eyebrows furrow as she leans forward gently, her lips parting as she watches you sit up, rub your eyes before straightening. „Hey little one“ she whispers before your eyes meet hers briefly. „Hi“ you murmur before folding the blanket Billie put on you neatly. Moments later, the blonde appears, having heard your voice before smiling. „We made dinner“ she says softly and your stomach churns at the thought before you quickly rise to your feet.

„I‘m not hungry, thank you“ you whisper before slipping past them, missing Billie‘s startled expression as Wilhemina tries calling after you. You stop for a second when you see Cordelia in the hallway, unable to meet her eyes for more than a brief moment before walking past her, heading upstairs without another word. All three of them sigh as their eyes meets, knowing Cordelia‘s actions just drove you further away from them than before. When they return upstairs after eating in silence, none of them managing more than a few bites, they hear the sound of the bath running and despite how long they wait for you to join them in bed, the moment never comes. By the time Wilhemina and Billie fell asleep due to exhaustion, Cordelia watches you slip through the bathroom ensuite door and right out of the bedroom. Her eyes glisten as her instincts scream at her to follow but knowing maybe the redhead was right and you really needed time now.

And you did, they barely see you the next few days, occasionally seeing you around the academy, mostly sitting by yourself, listening to some music or doing some colouring in your books outside, sometimes only appearing in the kitchen for a quick snack before practically running again. They hated this, not having you close, not having you nuzzle yourself into Delia‘s shoulder while she worked, not sleeping on Mina‘s chest and not sitting on Billie‘s lap when she sneaked away for a smoke. They hated every part of this, not having heard your voice properly in days other than a polite decline whenever they asked you something, mostly to sit down with them or asking if you‘d join them in bed that night.

But you never did, Cordelia‘s actions cutting deeper than you expected and the guilt of why she did that in the first place running deep. You never meant to shut them out like this, make them worry about you like this but you couldn‘t help it at the time, wanting to be strong and fine for them, put together like they are. They had so much to deal with already, Billie chasing ghosts every day and carrying people‘s painful life stories for her show, Mina with her terrible pains and the pain life had given her and Cordelia with the constant stress of being the most powerful witch and both headmistress and like a mother to most of these girls in the academy. You couldn‘t possible burden them any more with your own problems and so you went quiet, never meaning to cause them so much worry they had to go through your things.

„Little one?“ the sound of Wilhemina‘s voice startles you as you almost drop the cigarette where you are sitting on the porch in the garden. You quickly put it out in Billie‘s nearby ashtray even though it was useless because not only did she already see, she wasn‘t oblivious to how you had been coping lately. It was well past midnight now, the moon hanging high over the coven as a breeze whistles through the air, causing you to shiver a little as she steps through the back door. Her features land on you and god when she sees you, bags under your eyes, clearly freezing her heart clenches. It had been days now, days since Cordelia digged through your things, days of silence from you, days of dinners and nights without you.

Usually the redhead would find you asleep on the sofa each night now, relaxing a little bit knowing you are at least sleeping but when she finished in her office, pretending to work while in reality worrying and thinking about you, she couldn‘t find you on the sofa, only the blanket and pillow Cordelia wordlessly put there for you but then she saw the porch light flickering in the dark. There is silence as she looks at you, her expression unreadable with all the words she wishes she could say but unable to remotely get them out the way she wants to. „Wh- what are you doing awake?“ she asks softly, ignoring all the unspoken tension between you in this moment. You hesitate, eyes darting to your hands in your lap, fiddling with the sleeve of your hoodie before shrugging „I-" you start but stop because you have no idea what to even say.

„Couldn‘t sleep?“ she asks softly, so unlike her usual harshness and you meet her eyes for a second before nodding then. „Why don‘t you come back to bed love? we miss you“ she sighs and she doesn‘t miss the way your eyes fill then, silent tears threatening to spill before you swallow hard and push it all down. „I‘m okay“ you whisper softly before she watches you get up, slip right past her with sunken shoulders and curl up in the darkness of the living room on the sofa. She shuts the porch door before glancing at you, wishing she could just scoop you in her arms, hating nothing more than this distance between you, knowing you must be struggling badly with everything if you are smoking and not sleeping at this time of the night.

She reluctantly goes upstairs, knowing there was no point and even if she sat with you, you wouldn’t sleep a wink, let alone losen up. Wilhemina hears the shaky breath that escapes you once she is out of sight and it kills her, how comfortable you used to be around them and how there was now this distance and wall she couldn‘t seem to break no matter what they did. Upstairs, both Billie and Cordelia are still awake, the medium scrolling absentmindedly on her phone, the supreme pacing, the guilt and concern written across her features. „She‘s not sleeping“ the redhead whispers before shuting the door. „Found her smoking outside“ she adds which causes Billie to sigh and lock her phone.

„I hate this“ the medium whispers, torn between wanting to scoop you into her arms and letting you take whatever time you need to let them in again. „This is all my fault“ Cordelia sighs as she carries on pacing, rubbing her temples in frustration. „I shouldve listened to you, I should have let her come to us and now I drove her away“ she sighs, stomping her foot in frustration as she struggles with her own tears. Billie and Wilhemina sigh, knowing there wasn‘t a lot they could say to make this any better. And so all they can do is lay awake, Billie sitting in bed, Wilhemina leaning against the headboard and Cordelia settling in the chair by the window, unable to sleep without you and the guilt weighing heavily on her shoulders.

It‘s about 3am when a sudden sound startles all three of them. Neither of them had really been asleep, occasionally dozing off but all sitting in the same spot from hours before. The academy was deadly silent at this time, especially it being Saturday and all the witches out at their families or outings. „What was that?“ Billie asks, having registered a dull thud before another sound ripples through the quiet academy, this time the sound of glass smashing against the floor downstairs. They are all quick on their feet, Wilhemina grabbing her cane before they rush down the stairs and step into the darkness of the living room. The outline from the hallway light illuminates the sofa and they can see the empty space, their eyebrows furrowing before Billie switches the light on.

Their breaths hitch as they see you hunched in a corner of the living room, blanket loosely on the floor as you hug your knees, rocking back and forth softly as your eyes are forced shut. The image makes their hearts stop and Cordelia is the first to connect the dots, where the blanket lays on the floor, the rug slightly folded at the corner as you must have hurried away from the sofa and knocked one of the vases, shattering it in the process. „Babydoll? did you have a bad dream?“ Billie asks, seeing your shaken expression and how pale you are. You don‘t even register they are there, too caught up in your own storm before Wilhemina quickly crosses the room, leaning her cane on the coffee table nearby, ignoring her back as she crouches to your level.

„Little one?“ she whispers before her hand softly touches your arm, a grounding motion that causes your eyes to snap open and involuntarily flinching a little. „It‘s me baby, you are okay, you‘re safe“ she repeats and Billie and Cordelia watch with heavy chests, witnessing the interaction and how absolutely pale and terrified you look, neither of them ever having seen you like that. „Mi- na?“ you ask, a bit oblivious as to what is happening before a sad smile make it‘s way onto her features. „Yeah it‘s me little one, I think you had a bad dream“ she says softly before you snap out of it a little, glancing around the room, seeing the shattered vase and a very concerned Billie and equally concerned but guilty Cordelia standing a few feet away.

You quickly scramble to your feet before handing Wilhemina her cane and helping her up „I‘m fine“ you whisper quickly before slipping right past them. And that small gesture, despite your pain, despite your fear, you caring more about helping your girlfriend in that moment, knowing her back would hurt from kneeling, kills them all in their individual ways. They watch as you fetch a brush and a trash bag before picking up the glass carefully, wrapping it in a bag and taking it outside. „Very sorry about the vase, I‘ll replace it“ you mumble before they hear the sound of the trash opening and closing, the sound of the shards echoing through the quiet night. They all lock eyes as they see the back door close and they hear the faint noise of a lighter and smoke curling through the window.

Cordelia sighs, staring at her girlfriends like „What the hell have I done?“. Billie takes a deep breath before heading to the kitchen, switching on the light and preparing some tea, urging them both to sit. Your heart is pounding by the time you take the first drag, hating that they had to see this, so wrapped up in everything that you can‘t hear the kettle, let alone their quiet murmuring from inside. When you step back into the kitchen you freeze, a small part of you having expected or rather hoped they would leave this- at least for tonight and that maybe just maybe they would be back upstairs. But you should have known really, the days having stretched too long and their concerns now at an all time high after finding you like this.

Billie wordlessly places a warm cup of tea where you usually sit. Cordelia clears her throat before softly saying „Please sit down sweetheart“. Your heart is hammering again before you stammer out „I‘m fine- tired, you should all go back to be“ but before you can even finish, Wilhemina cuts you off „Sit“ she says, leaving no room for arguments as your eyes flick towards her, reluctantly taking a seat before your eyes travel to your lap, unable to look at either of them. „Y/N I‘m really sorry for going through your things“ Cordelia starts and you just shrug before whispering „It‘s fine, really Delia“ but she shakes her head firmly. „No it‘s not. I should have trusted you to come to us, I had no right to go through your things and I‘m genuinely really sorry, you didn‘t deserve that. You have given us your trust for years and I didn‘t do the same in return and“ she stops herself as she composes herself in order not to cry. „And you deserved the same from us- me. I‘m sorry“ she finally says which causes your eyes to flick to hers for a brief moment.

„It‘s okay“ you whisper, still not looking at any of them. „It‘s not okay though is it babydoll?“ Billie tries gently, trying so hard to meet your eyes. „You haven‘t been sleeping properly, you started smoking again and you haven‘t slept in our bed in days. You are hurting and that is okay and so valid baby but we want to help“ she urges, her features filled with fierce love as she tries breaking through to you. There is silence for a beat before you rasp „M‘fine“ but its useless because as soon as the words leave you, you realize how they don‘t sound believable in the slightest. „You haven‘t been fine little one, you haven‘t been fine in weeks and we don‘t know why, we want to help you because you deserve to smile, you deserve to lean on us, you deserve support and kindness and love the same way you give to us“ Wilhemina tries.

Her words seem to do something as a stray tear runs down your cheek but before any of them can wipe it for you, you angrily wipe it away with your hoodie sleeve, still not looking up from your lap that you have been staring at since sitting down minutes ago. „Sweetie we know something is going on.. you haven‘t smiled, really smiled in weeks, hell you haven‘t dragged us to Starbucks for pumpkin spice season“ she smiles, hoping it would get something out of you but somehow her words only make you more quiet as they slice straight through you, all of them able to read you so well at this point. „I know I have hurt you and I promise I will never make that mistake again“ she promises before carrying on „But I- we really need you to let us in, we are worried sick sweet girl“ she whispers.

The silence that follows is tense as your heart is pounding, your mind racing with all the things you want to say but keep inside at the same time. And then all that comes out is a quiet „I‘m sorry I didn‘t mean to worry you“ the first real sentence you said in a few days, your eyes briefly meeting theirs before leaving their gazes again. They all glance at each other, knowing this was a start bur equally sensing you really aren‘t ready to share yet and neither of them sure whether tonight was the right time for this. „That‘s okay, we know sweetie, we just worry because we love you and care about you“ Cordelia tries, causing more tears to run down your cheeks. Wilhemina sighs, wanting nothing more than to wipe them away before she says „I just wish you would let us in darling girl“.

It really isn‘t meant to sound the way it does but it manages your eyes to close for a second anyway before you whisper „I can‘t“ which causes their eyebrows to furrow „Why babydoll?“ Billie asks confused before you reply almost immediately „Because I‘m the one who fixes, who is there for others, I‘m not the one that gets to fall apart“ and that kills them as they realize that may as well be the truth as you are always so focused on them, their needs and their problems that maybe they never really gave you the room you needed to fall apart or be sad in return. And that realisation startles them as all they ever wanted was to take care of you, let you lean on them for once.

„Baby you are absolutely allowed to do that, you are always there for us like you said but we want to be here for you too“ Cordelia tries, your words having pained her so deeply she has to control her voice in order not to cry. „Please babydoll, we can see that whatever this is, its hurting you“ Billie tries before your fists clench under the table, trying so hard to keep your emotions at bay. „Come on little one“ Wilhemina tries in a desperate attempt and thats all it takes to finally break the wall down and unleash a flood of emotions, neither of you four had been prepared for. „I‘m tired“ you whisper and all of them can tell you don‘t mean the sleepy kind.

All three of them are silent for a beat as they let your words and the true meaning behind them settle. They glance at each other briefly, trying to figure out which of them would have the right words for this moment but somehow, none of them do. „What kind of tired sweet girl?“ Cordelia asks but they can tell you are beyond words now, your features filled with exhaustion. „Let us take you to bed darling, let us take care of you“ the supreme tries as she offers her hand to you. You don‘t even fully register what is happening because next thing you know, Cordelia and Billie gently lead you upstairs to the bed you hadn’t been sleeping in since everything. And then you are laying in your usual spot, your eyes heavy but surrounded by the three people who love you most in this world.

With Cordelia‘s gentle words, Billie‘s nails scratching soothing circles on your head and Wilhemina‘s quiet but safe presence you manage to doze off in no time. The three of them look at each other, still so puzzled what was truly bothering you because your words from before didn‘t really reveal all that much but one thing was clear, you are exhausted and tired from something but for now you are sleeping in their bed, in their presence and thats all they need. Hours pass as you sleep, Cordelia and Billie having fallen asleep beside you after fighting it for ages wanting to be there in case you would wake up and need them.

Wilhemina has been sitting awake the entire time, watching over you and reading every expression in your sleep. You had been calm, soft breathing for the last few hours until she noticed your chest rising and falling a little faster. How your hand that was gently resting on the blanket curled into a fist and when the first whimper/cry ripped from your throat she could tell whatever was troubling you must have followed you in sleep. Tears stream down your eyes and before she can wake you herself, you wake up with a sharp gasp. It‘s clear to her it‘s a nightmare and she isn‘t sure what‘s worse, that it wasnt the trembling, thrashing kind or the way you opened your eyes with both relief that its over but also no flicker of surprise. And it hits her then, that this must have been troubling you all along, nightmares.

„Little one?“ she asks softly, her hand gently reaching out but you just smile it away „I‘m fine“ you whisper before leaving bed and heading towards the ensuite to wash your face. Wordlessly, you slip out of the bedroom altogether before heading downstairs to the back door and lighting a cigarette, the same way you did every night when one of those nightmares woke you up. Wilhemina is just out of bed, reaching for her cane when Cordelia wakes. „Whe- where is she? where are you going?“ she asks confused before the redhead mutters a quiet „Nightmare“ and gestures for the supreme to follow her. The two of them make their way downstairs, features filled with concern as the puzzle pieces finally start fitting together after all.

The moon hangs high, illuminating your tired features as they step out into the cold night air, startling you as you quickly stare at the cigarette feeling caught but then remember that they already know either way. They stand there for a minute before stepping closer „Baby, did you have a bad dream?“ Cordelia asks and you avoid her gaze before nodding. „Is this what‘s been bothering you little one? nightmares?“ Wilhemina asks and you take another drag instead which speaks lengths and confirms her suspicions. Cordelia takes a hesitant step towards you before sitting next to you on the bench, her eyes darting over your tired features as your fingers hang onto the cigarette for dear life. „Why didn‘t you tell us baby? we could have helped“ she tries but you just stay silent, unsure what to even say to that.

The silence kills them more than any crying or breaking down ever could because they had never seen you this quiet and withdrawn before and it only makes the worry on their features deepen. „Little one, why aren‘t you letting us in?“ Wilhemina asks and you stub out the cigarette before staring at her. „You help Billie whenever shes filming with her nightmares so why won‘t you let us do the same?“ she carries on, genuine confusion written on her beautiful features. And somehow that does it, their concern, their words and the tiredness clinging to your bones finally making you snap. You stand before whispering „And what am I supposed to say to you three hm?“ you whisper, not in a cruel or snappy way, just genuine tiredness radiating from you.

„Billie has nightmares because she has to talk to dead people all the time which is so valid“ you begin, standing a few feet away from them now. „So of course I‘ll help her. You have the worst pains a person could ever endure Mina so yes I‘ll help because its valid and Dee you carry the world and this academy on your shoulders“ you sigh which only causes their eyebrows to furrow further. „And what on earth makes you think that whatever you are going through isn‘t valid?“ Wilhemina asks, your words cutting deep into her chest because it carries the fact that you think less of yourself which is the one thing she cannot cope with.

„Because it‘s not. I have nightmares about stupid shit from my past. About my narcissistic mother who-" you stop yourself, her words suddenly breaking something open. „I dream about all the pain I have ever endured in my life, the abuse of my old relationship, the mind games, the constant fear and anxiety, the people I have lost, the people that have hurt me and it won‘t stop“ you whisper now „No matter what I do it won‘t stop, every night and I‘m so tired, I‘m scared to sleep, I‘m scared to move or breathe because they always find me again“. And thats it, the raw confession knocking you right down as you sink to your knees right there on the cold tiles outside before your head sinks to your hands and you cry.

Cordelia and Wilhemina stare at each other for a moment in utter disbelief because nothing could have prepared them for what has been bothering you for this long. They knew everything about you and your past of course but you never ever talked about it and they realize in the dawn of the night that they maybe should have been more careful with you, that this was bound to catch up with you and that they should have been there for you the way you would always be for them. Cordelia abandons every single thought crossing her mind before crashing onto her knees and pulling you into her chest „Shh, it‘s okay baby“ she whispers, her own eyes glistening as neither of them had ever seen you cry like this before.

Wilhemina‘s grip on her cane tightens as she struggles with her anger, not at you- never at you but herself and the world. The world had knocked you down over and over for years when all you ever gave it in return was kindness and god she wishes she could burn it all down right now seeing you so damn broken. She watches as Cordelia craddles your face, pulling you into her chest and rocking you back and forth, her hand on your head because she‘s terrified you would slip through her fingers right there. She keeps whispering soothing words, telling you she and Mina are right here, that they won’t let you hurt alone anymore and it kills her. The supreme looks at Wilhemina, shaken with guilt and sadness as the redhead steps forward and places a hand on your shoulder.

„Let‘s get her inside, she‘s freezing“ Wilhemina says before Cordelia nods and scoops you into her arms as if you weigh nothing. They work quickly as Cordelia sets you down, turning on a soft lamp and grabbing a blanket before wrapping it around your shoulders. The redhead gets you some water before putting the glass nearby. Cordelia is quick to scoop you into her arms again as Wilhemina takes a seat beside you, her hands hovering but not touching as the pain of seeing you like this eats at her soul. „M sorry“ you eventually hiccup before carrying on „I didn‘t mean to shut you out I just-" but Wilhemina stops you right there before you can go on any further.

Her fingers gently find your chin before lifting it towards her and wiping your tears „Listen to me little one. You have been strong for years, carrying all of our weight and pain and you never once cried or asked for anything in return. And I hate myself right now for not seeing your pain but I see it- we see how much you are hurting, how unkind the world has been to you but please never feel like your pain is worth less than ours, because god my sweet girl you are everything“ she sighs and the confession is so raw as her eyes shimmer that it makes you cry again right there. Cordelia gently brushes her hands over your back to soothe you before she whispers „Sweetie.. I‘m not even surprised you have those awful nightmares with how much you have been holding in but we are here now okay? And I promise you, we will take care of you and keep you safe okay?“.

You nod through tears, bottom lip wobbling as the supreme pulls you tight into her chest, letting you cry into her and clutch her shirt. Wilhemina‘s hand stays right there in yours, rubbing little circles and squeezing occasionally to remind you she is right there. It takes long minutes of their soothing words and your crying before it turns into hiccups and then silence. Cordelia glances down at you only to notice you must have been so exhausted you passed out right there in her arms leaning on her chest. „Poor baby“ she whispers before pressing a soft kiss to your forehead and glancing at Wilhemina.

And when their eyes meet it carries depths without any words being exchanged. Wilhemina silently apologises for brushing Cordelia off about her concerns, for scolding her for going through your things. And the supreme silently tells her it‘s okay but that they have got you now. Neither of them move the entire night, too scared to wake you and disturb the quiet sleep you have for what seems like the first night in a very long time. They keep watch, noticing every shift and making sure if you even so much as twitch they will wake you and make sure you aren‘t suffering any more of those dreams. You sleep through the night, through the early morning when Billie shuffles down confused, to her listening to everything you told your other two girlfriends and the silent tears when she figures out how much you had been hurting.

You missed the way she said „God she always holds me after my nightmares and I didn‘t even know she had them too“ while sighing and wiping her tears. You missed when the three of them made a plan and talked about how to support you and you missed Billie slipping out, only waking softly to the sound of the front door opening and closing. Your tired eyes flutter up at Cordelia, catching her blonde curls on your face and the way her face lights up when she sees you awake. „Good morning baby“ she whispers and you give her a small tired smile before glancing at Wilhemina who is still there holding your hand. „Any bad dreams little one?“ she asks and you shake your head in relief only realizing now this was the first night in weeks you slept through.

And then Billie appears in the doorway, beaming a little as she carries a paper bag and a tray of cups in her hands. She sets them down on the coffee table before striding over to you and cupping your face „Morning sweet angel“ she greets you before kissing your cheeks. „I‘m so proud of you babydoll“ she whispers before excitedly walking back over to the bags. „Now I heard someone missed the beginning of pumpkin spice season, so here we go, four pumpkin spice lattes and enough pumpkin flavoured pastries to last us all fall“ she smiles which causes your eyes to water but your smile to beam a little.

„You-" you start but can‘t finish as the smell fills the air and your eyes glisten with new tears. Wilhemina catches it, that flicker of doubt in your eyes whether you deserve this and she quickly makes your eyes meet hers before she says „You deserve this baby. You have had some horrible weeks and you did the bravest thing by telling us and we have got you now“ she whispers and you nod weakly before Billie encourages you to take a sip. „Go on, before it gets cold“ she says softly before you take a sip and the taste hits you instantly, making your cold body feel warmer and your chest bloom with the familiarity of this and their steady presence. „Thank you“ you whisper and all three can tell this was more than a thanks for the drinks.

„It‘s okay baby, we got you now“ Cordelia whispers softly before pulling you closer and pressing a kiss to your forehead. And you knew this wasn‘t over, you knew there was conversations to come and nightmares to be had because they couldn‘t disappear over night but with them by your side, you finally feel like you can breathe again and that maybe just maybe things will be okay again after all.

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