Like I said, I wasn’t entirely surprised
November 22, 2015 // 11:32PM
Hello self, Friendly reminder that you cannot expect others to care or remember things about you. That is a high expectation to uphold, especially when you do not put a good social effort forward. What is good, exactly? Should I feel uncomfortable? That doesn’t seem right. I should feel natural. Do not expect. They do not owe you anything and you do not them. This low standard for others ensures less pain on your end and more appreciation for genuine care when it does make an appearance. Take care of yourself and I am sorry if you hurt. Why do you feel so undeserving? I love you. You are enough.
Love, Self
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November 23, 2015
I am always fantasizing about being happy. I turn 22 in two days.
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December 3, 2015 // 11:23PM
I want to tell you how much I love and appreciate you, but I don’t feel it right now. I am feeling the way I feel in conversation with strangers who make me feel lesser. In those situation, I usually just leave. I am done wasting my time trying to be heard; I didn’t think it was possible through text, to completely disregard the topic at hand and ignore my words, the same way it occurs in verbal conversations. I don’t want to feel that, especially since you and I are already so distant from one another.
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and somehow, I am able to read these sad journal entries with a smile on my face. I know that the sharpest pains are over, and I know better days are to come.
