Steven Lim's Personal Tumblr

Where I talk candidly about YouTube and my faith, getting through life one day at a time.

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[stevenkwlim]

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[stevenkwlim]

<3

[stevenkwlim]

The night before Watcher's big Announcement

4/18/24; no spoilers here. Just a bit of reflection.

12 years ago, I started blogging on this Tumblr page to capture my feelings and where I was at. Even though so much has changed, it also feels like nothing at all has changed. Back then, I was a kid from Ohio just trying to make a living off YouTube. At the time, I didn't even know how to operate a camera, how to act on screen, or even how to edit a video. But I knew that I loved the process of making videos, and that propelled me day by day.

When I started making YouTube videos in 2012, I gave myself 4 years before I'd call it quits. 4 years to make a living or I'd reconsider and find a different career path. Looking back, I didn't realize how close I cut it. But it really wasn't until 3 years in that I made a hit. And I thank God every day because it was some combination of luck, hard work. and divine intervention that somehow someway led me to work at BuzzFeed, create Worth It, meet Ryan and Shane, launch Watcher, and well.. the rest is history.

That being said, I'm at a crossroads here again. Tomorrow is kind of a big day for me and our team. It's nerve-wracking to take risks at this stage of my career and company's life. Who knows where things will go? Will we succeed or will we fall flat on our face? I truly don't know. But no matter what, I just wanted to take this time to dwell in a place of gratitude. Thank you to all the people who have supported my career, team Watcher, and the shows we make. I can't believe this is my job that I get to wake up and do every single day. Speaking of job, thank you to my team at Watcher, I love you and am so grateful for all of you. I can't believe how hard you all work day in and day out to make the beautiful videos and shows that we do. Thank you to my wife, thank you to my family and friends, thank you to our investors/mentors, and thank you to God.

For some reason this journal entry came out like an acceptance speech at the People's Choice Awards. Whoops. I honestly don't even know what I wanted to get across when I started writing but that's it for now. Tomorrow's a big day and I don't know what this means for myself or for Watcher's. But what I do know is that it's been the best five years of my life building Watcher and I thank God every day for that.

See you on the other side,

Steven

[stevenkwlim]

2021... what was that?

Every year, I love writing my end-of-year Tumblr reflection. Most years, I start writing it days in advance, workshopping every word and thought as it becomes immortalized on this website. (And while I still don’t know if I’m using Tumblr correctly, it was an honor to crack the top 50 top web celebs this year)

But this year is different. It’s 9:41pm on New Year’s Eve and I’m just putting the proverbial pen to paper. It’s only fitting, given 2021 has been a year I’ve journaled less than ever and felt so busy that it constantly feels like time is slipping away. 

This year, I got a dog. (Technically November 13 2020, but what is time in this pandemic?) 

I got engaged! (May 23, 2021)

I even bought a house with my partner (September 26, 2021)! We also got legally married on October 28, 2021 (even though ceremonially, we’re going to hold off until COVID slows down a little).

So much amazing stuff happened with work.

And my cat passed on December 7, 2021.

For me, this has been the year of many things. The year where I’ve felt closer and farther from God than ever. The year I started saying “my wife.” The year I felt like my company was real because we hit consistent revenue goals meaning we got to hire a bunch of incredible people. The year I also saw people leave my company (all on good terms, thank goodness). The year of Shang-Chi. The year of poker and Starcraft II. The year of the existential crises. The year I’ve truly felt old for the first time.

And yet, in all the ups and downs and circle arounds, what can I say or do but give thanks to God? I’m grateful for this life, because as short of a time we have on this earth, I’ve been so blessed. Blessed to know God. Blessed to have the privilege of pursuing my dreams. Blessed to have my health and loved ones around me. Blessed to have the peace of Christ in the midst of the craziest era of my lifetime.

So while this year has been many things, I’ll end by saying this - this has been the year I’ve been blessed beyond belief. In 2022, I hope I can slow down and count my blessings more often.

For y’all reading out there, thank you for being a part of my journey. I love and appreciate you so much, and will be praying for you as well.

Steven

[stevenkwlim]

twenty twenty

Here we are, back with my yearly update on Tumblr.  Not sure if this is the best place to be posting these, but I parked my words here in 2012 and haven’t looked back ever since.

And hey - maybe one day I’ll start my own web-journaling company 😉. Jk. Kind of. I’ve certainly thought about it before. ANYWAY, let’s reflect a bit, shall we?

To be honest, this is not easy to write. Normally I’d recap the year, talk about the ups and downs, etc. And I’ve typed out a few different drafts on what I want to express here... but none of them can capture the breadth of 2020. And I mean, what words can I commit to text that haven’t already been declared and circulated across social media platforms worldwide?

But the one phrase that keeps crossing my mind is something that you may be familiar with if you grew up in the church. It’s a chant that was spoken every morning in Sunday school and we were reminded of it in the good times and bad. It goes like this:

Leader: God is good, Response: All the time!  Leader: All the time,  Response: God is good!

I have grown to love these words, to cherish them, to live by them, and to encourage others by them. But if there’s a year of my life that has challenged that to the depths of my soul, 2020 is certainly it.

Was God good in 2020, where millions were left to suffer and die through a global pandemic? Was God good in 2020, where billions of livelihoods were interrupted, disrupted, and even eradicated in the blink of an eye? Was God good in 2020, to allow so many who represent Him (Christians) to spew hatred and show no compassion to the world?

These are questions that I have pushed to the back of my mind because I don’t want to come to terms with them. And certainly there are many more unanswered questions that have left me in an existential daze.

By the way, if you were looking for an answer to those questions, you’ve come to the wrong place. Quite frankly, I do not know God’s plans nor do I understand His ways.

But here’s what I do know: I desperately cling onto this little thing called faith. What is faith?

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. (Hebrews 11:1)

These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised, since God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect. (Hebrews 11:39-40)

Some of you may be thinking, “Steven... why would you have faith in God now? What indication has God given to you that He exists, let alone is a good God?”

This is most definitely a valid question and is even something I ask myself at times. Long story short, I gave my life to God many years ago and it is the single decision that has given me complete peace and joy. My faith is the most important part of my life and it’s the reason I live. At the end of the day, God has placed me here to share His love with those around me. As for the longer story - hopefully I can share my full testimony with y’all in the future.

So for 2020, I leave with more questions than when I entered. But if there’s a single thing this year has taught me, it is that I so desperately need God. (If this sounds familiar, that’s because I believe I wrote those exact words in 2019 and 2018 as well). And I may not understand why 2020 had to happen, but I hope and have faith that there was a reason for it all in His plans mapped out across eternity.

WELL. I certainly did not think I would end up here when I started writing this entry. It’s not the most perfectly written thing. But this is what’s on my heart today. I hope you all out there are doing okay, staying healthy, and making the most out of the life you are given. Love you and see you in 2021.

Oh, I guess one good thing about 2020 is I got to spend a lot of time with this guy.

Steven

[stevenkwlim]

Lord, you are Good

It’s Sunday, December 8, 2019. It’s 11:01pm and Watcher’s announcement goes live in exactly 10 hours and 29 minutes. At 9:30am, Ryan, Shane and I are about to launch a production studio with ambitions to be the HBO of unscripted digital shows. 

As I sit here and try to reflect, I realize that this is the first time in a while I’ve taken the time to do so. But I felt the need to write this because this is really my last chance to capture the uncertainty of it all before everything starts to crystalize. Watcher could be huge. Or it could be nothing. No one knows, but that’s what makes it exciting.

Furthermore, my motive in writing this entry is to capture a sense of who I am at this very special moment of time. So that no matter what happens, I can look back at my words and remember why I did all this in the first place.

In 2012, I was at my safe & well-paying job at P&G. By my first week there, I knew that this wasn’t what I wanted to do. So what did I do? I prayed.

I prayed and prayed and prayed, and asked God for guidance on what His Will for my life was. And one night... I pulled out my iPhone to record a video and share it with my friends. I immediately fell in love with the process of making videos and had peace in my spirit that this was part of God’s plan for me.

Of course, I didn’t know where it would lead me. But I had a sense that if I stepped out in faith and walked clearly in the presence of God, that He would reveal His purpose to me. And so I walked. Or more so... stumbled. Fell. Struggled. It wasn’t easy. But truly God was faithful. One opportunity after another opened up. And I prayed continually that if this wasn’t the way for me, that God would shut the door. But God was faithful to me and led me to where I am today.

And so as I reflect on my journey, I would say that while all my circumstances have changed, what drives me remains the same. I wake up every day with the intention of pursuing the Kingdom of God and all His righteousness. What does this mean practically in my life? Truth be told, that’s something I’m still figuring out. Sometimes, I feel like it would’ve been so much easier for me to live a Christ-centered life by being a missionary or a pastor or a church staff worker. But this was not what God had in store for me. God has brought me along this journey to teach me how to be faithful in the every day. To work hard and be excellent at my job. To be among people who don’t share the same beliefs and values and to love them more than I love myself. To be patient, to be humble. To serve.

That’s the beginning. Next, it’s about trusting God. It’s about dying to my own desires and living for God’s will. Who am I to question the creator and all His plans for His people? And so I lift every day up to Him - that He would use me and my talents and my possessions to honor Him. My prayer for 2020 is for the OPPORTUNITY to preach the good news, and the COURAGE to follow through. It’s scary. Give me faith, Lord!

And so why did I co-found Watcher? It’s to express myself in this way. I know that God has given me every opportunity and it is my hope that I would honor Him in my work. I pray that I would lead sacrificially and with integrity. I pray that God would bless Watcher for the sake of growing His Kingdom. I pray that I would not pursue money, success, fame, worldly riches... but that Watcher would allow me to store up my treasures in heaven - using the position of influence that God has put me in to share the good news of Christ with my peers and my viewers. 

Lord, I pray that you would teach me to be faithful. I pray for perseverance that leads to character, character that leads to hope.

For however many more years I have left on this earth, Lord, I lift them all up to You!

Steven

[stevenkwlim]

What 5 Years on YouTube Has Taught Me

In 2018, the most important thing I learned is how desperately I need Jesus. Uncannily, this reads almost identically to the lesson I shared in my 2014 reflection:

“...what I am saying is that in the midst of all my splashing, I think the biggest lesson from 2014 is that I need to trust God.”

December 31, 2014

2014 was a very different time. I was still in Ohio, independent YouTuber, making ends meet by working night shifts as a server in a Chinese restaurant. But just five years later, my big “risk” to jump into the creative industry looks like it has paid off in a big way. The YouTube show I created got renewed for its 4th and 5th season and regularly tops the charts on YouTube. I surpassed all my personal goals for my social media accounts. And the world became my playground as I got to take more than 70 flights to numerous cities in the past year. With as much career success as I’ve had in the past few years, someone from the outside might think that I have it all figured out. 

Despite everything, my heart remains unchanged from 2013, focused on the one thing that got me into all of this in the first place. And that is to honor God in all that I do. Money, fame, and success can provide fleeting happiness, but if you ask anybody in this industry - none of that lasts. Truth be told, many of my most joyous and peaceful moments came when I was flat out broke. And many of my most anxious moments came when my social media numbers were the largest.

So what has changed in the past 5 years? Well, I’ve learned that being a Christian doesn’t mean that God will give me more. Being a Christian doesn’t make me a morally better person either - in fact, I’ve just become more aware of my own shortcomings, selfishness, and humanness. But thank God for that, because Jesus came for the sick and the sinners. What being a Christian does mean is that every day, I survive on the grace of God. And it means that the source of my joy comes from fulfilling God’s purpose in my life. And what exactly is that purpose? I’m still not 100% sure, but I know in some part it means using the platform I was given to share the love and good news of Jesus.

So, new year’s resolutions. I pray that in 2019, God would continue to guide me and never let me go. I pray that in 2019, my purpose would become a little clearer as I give back to God what He has given me. I pray that in 2019, I would find joy in His plans, strength in His sovereignty, and love in His grace.

Okay. With all that being said, here’s a look back at all the cool things that happened in 2018! All the things I’m thankful for, the things I’d like to praise God for, the things that I couldn’t have done without all of your love & support. 

On February 4, Worth It aired a 2-minute special in the Super Bowl pre-game show.

On March 15, Worth It was featured on The Today Show.

On March 18, we launched Season 4 of Worth It!

On May 4, HBO asked me to be a community ambassador and guest judge for their HBO APA Visionaries Contest.

On May 13, we launched Season 3 of Worth It Lifestyle.

On May 14, Worth It won the People’s Voice Food & Drink Webby Award.

On May 14, I traveled to 7 countries in Europe in 10 days.

On June 3, we launched Worth It Merch.

On July 10, I attended my first Vidcon as a featured creator.

On July 16, I went back to Japan with the Worth It team + Rie!

On August 10, I attended my third KCON as a featured speaker.

On August 15, Crazy Rich Asians came out and sent shockwaves through the Asian American media landscape.

On September 9, we launched Season 5 of Worth It!

On September 19, I was a “contestant” on the Asian Bachelorette 2.

On September 21, a fan created a Worth It Wikipedia page. Looks like we’re official now.

On September 16, I found a church in NYC that I love!

On September 29, I was awarded the “Excellence in Cultural Awareness” award by Asian Professional Exchange.

On October 2, I had the privilege of appearing on one of my favorite YouTube channels - JK News.

On October 4, I hosted the San Gabriel Beer and Dumpling Festival.

On October 6, I played in my second ISA Charity Basketball game!

On October 10, I collaborated with Korean Englishman & Ollie, two of my favorite new friends. 

On October 13, I appeared on Season 2 of In Control With Kelsey.

On October 22, Worth It won it’s second Streamy!

On November 9, I went to Kuala Lumpur and had a life-changing Nasi Lemak. 

On November 13, I visited Taipei for the first time since high school and got to experience the incredible world of Taiwanese street food.

On December 8, I attended the Kore Asian Media Unforgettable Gala and was incredibly inspired by the movement happening for Asian Americans in media. 

On December 9, I went to Seoul with three of my favorite people in the world and had the craziest time of my life. Also, the notion that LA K-Town food is as good as food in Korea is absurd.

On December 27, I went on a vacation with my whole family for the first time in 14 years!

I know 2018 was a hard year for many people. In many ways, 2018 was the toughest year of my life too. My encouragement to you: Stay true to yourself, keep the faith, and don’t let your heart grow faint. Better days ahead - we’ll get through this together <3

Steven

[stevenkwlim]

Thank You, Anonymous Donor

Two days ago, my roommate told me that an anonymous person loves the work I do and wants to help me out with some financial support. It's not much, they said, but they hope it can help keep me going.

I don't know who you are, and I respect your desire to remain anonymous. But from the bottom of my heart and with tears welling in my eyes, Thank You. 

--

You see, since October, I had been praying to God asking Him whether or not I should quit my side job as a waiter. And for months, I heard nothing but silence from God. As many of you can probably tell, YouTube isn’t paying me enough to support myself. The money I make at the restaurant is just enough to pay my bills without having to dig too far into my savings account. On the other hand, if I quit my job, I could potentially accelerate my way to a financially sustainable YouTube career. 

Figure 1: A clip from an old video I did in 2013. I forgot I used to do my hair that way... Good times...

What I didn't realize, though, is that God was orchestrating a way for me to focus completely on YouTube. The day I quit my job (last week), I DIDN'T EVEN REALIZE IT. It just so happened that my schedule no longer could fit with my employer's schedule, and so my boss figured it'd be better I take a break. And just like that, my longstanding prayer was answered. 

To my anonymous donor: the money means more than you know. It helps me financially, it helps me know that people care about what I do, and it energizes me to keep putting out quality content. 

I'm so excited for 2015 & I hope you are too! God bless, and I'll see you on next week's Tumblr Thursday!

Steven

[stevenkwlim]

2014 – The Year I Splashed Like a Magikarp

[you can read about 2013 here]

As I'm writing this, it’s 8pm on December 30, 2014, which means I only have 28 hours left to get out all my thought about the big two-zero-one-FIVE. HERE GOES NOTHING.

Okay so, you know that feeling that you get when you’re going through something and you KNOW that it’s really good for you, but it sucks at the time? Well, that’s what I felt like for ~90% of 2014. In my heart of hearts I know that God has a perfect plan for me, but I also know that God may not reveal that epiphany moment to me for at least another five years. BOOOOO.

To put this another way; let’s say there’s this Pokémon trainer – we’ll call him David - and he just captured a level 15 Magikarp.

Figure 1: Magikarp in all its glory. I never realized how long his (her?) whiskers were

Now, David wants to train his Magikarp to level 20, because that’s when Magikarp evolves into the arguably the strongest Pokémon in the ORIGINAL 151, Gyrados*. 

Figure 2: Gyrados! Just don't use him against Pikachu...

So what does David do? In order to let his Magikarp gain real-world battle XP (experience points), he starts off every PokéBattle by sending out Magikarp first. 

But why?! The only move his Magikarp knows is “Splash,” which is an attack that literally does zero damage. LESS DAMAGE THAN STRUGGLE.

And for a lot of 2014, I felt like that Magikarp.

I’m like… God! Why do you keep sending me out into battle when I have NO IDEA WHAT’S GOING ON!? I'M YOUR WEAKEST POKÉMON!! And right before I think I’m about to faint, God feeds me a potion, switches over to a different Pokémon, and wins the battle. 

Now, I'm NOT saying that in five years, 2019 will be the year I Hyper Beam like a Gyrados. To be quite honest, I'll probably be out of PP by then and then it'll just be a Magikarp Struggle-fest. But what I am saying is that in the midst of all my splashing, I think the biggest lesson from 2014 is that I need to trust God. This year has been so up and down, and if I let myself... I can easily be discouraged. But if I look back at 2014 with 20/20 hindsight, I can slowly start to see the beautiful picture that God is painting with my life.

With that being said, I present to you the battles of 2014 that God threw me in to raise my XP. 

2014 in BP (Bullet Points):

On January 23, I was paid for the first time to talk about YouTube stuff. 30+ people came! It was exciting :)

On February 7, my car was broken into. They stole everything I had ever worked on. It was devastating.

On February 8, one of my best friends (David) started a fundraiser to rebuild my career and livelihood. That campaign would end up raising over $3000, more than the amount that I had originally lost.

On March 17, I released Restaurant Kid, my favorite project to date. Hearing the stories of restaurant kids changed my life and gave me a whole new perspective on the world. 

On March 29, I got to lead a workshop at the Midwest Asian American Student Union Spring Conference. I was put on a panel with people far more successful than I am, which was so very inspiring and humbling.

On April 6 and April 11, I got to meet some more real life college students in Minnesota at Indiana and give inspirational talks! This was definitely the HIGHLIGHT OF THE YEAR! I loved visiting college campuses and meeting people who watch my videos. :) Looking forward to doing that a bit more in 2015!

On August 13, I released the most personal project I had ever done. It's called the Things I Carried and it's about how stereotypes literally weighed me down growing up.

On September 23, I went semi-viral.

On December 3, I did another very personal project about the stages siblings go through. I love you Alvin and Tiffster!

On December 30, I ended the year with 7000 subscribers. I started the year at 2000 subscribers and am looking forward to another year of making videos!

Other Honorable Mentions:

I splashed in every kind of video I could possibly make. Short films, narrative pieces, vlogs, comedy sketches, emotional pieces, social experiments, the list goes on and on. What were your favorite Stevenkwlim videos from 2014? Tweet me or leave me a comment on FB! This will begin to shape how my channel looks in the near future :)

I started dating this amazing girl.

And I'm so thankful for all the people that God has sent to help me along the way. x x x x x [and so many more people I can't name - my family, DavidTan, JayChuang, VincentLiu, JasonLee, DerekSpies, AnnieGu, AlisonChang, JeanRheem, GloriaLin, DAVIDWAI, JasonChu, EugeneChoi, SongyiYen, JosephButso, and I literally could go on for days and cannot count all the people... I know I missed a bunch of people but know that I remember your help!]

Most importantly, though, thank you all for watching my videos and supporting the work I do. I am so very thankful and indebted to all my fans and I love you so very much.

Cheers to a beautiful 2015! 

Steven

*In no order, the 5 strongest Pokémon in the original 151: Ditto, Dragonite, Dugtrio, Gyrados, & Mewtwo.

[stevenkwlim]

"... Just remember someone from your hometown is still trying to become a rapper."

"If you feel bad because you didn't do well on a final, just remember someone from your hometown is still trying to become a rapper.*"

When I saw this quote, it made me laugh out loud. I'm usually the kind of guy who laughs internally when I'm reading/watching stuff alone, but in this instance somebody immediately came to mind and I couldn't help but connect with this quote. I have no idea what he's up to now but he was a really nice guy with a huge dream. I still remember hearing him say "I'm going to become a rapper!" And in my head I'm like "oooookay. sure bro." Last time I checked (2-3 years ago), he was still rapping at open mics and releasing free downloads of his work. Each track was getting about 50-100 downloads.

Figure 1: One of my favorite pictures from High School. I believe this was... 2007? Try not to be blinded by the bright light coming from my pale thighs.

But then when I thought about it, a daunting realization came over me... I am that "rapper" "artist" from high school trying to be a YouTuber.

Whoops.

And then you know when you get bad news or some big realization comes over you and your whole body goes numb? Blood pressure skyrockets? Eyes widen and this sense of embarrassment just slaps you in the face? Yeah that was me. 

Whoops.

And then at the same time, I'm thinking to myself.. wow... this is what all those rappers must feel like. "If I could just get my one big break, I could make it big... I could be the next big thing..."

Whoops.

And it was again one of those "wth am I doing with my life?" "I need to go back to a safe job before it's too late--"

Whoops.

--

And then I remember that my identity is not defined by my job. I remember that even if I "fail" in making this a full time gig, my plunge into YouTube was a success by the people I have been able to touch. I remember that there needs to be different kinds of people in this world... doctors, lawyers, engineers but also rappers, artists, and YouTubers. Most importantly though, I remember that I do this to bring glory to God. I advocate for Asian Americans because I feel compelled to celebrate God's creation and share it with others. 

I guess what I'm saying is, if you're having a bad day, don't think about that rapper from your high school who works at McDonald's. Instead, remember that your self worth is not defined by your letter grades or boss's rating or criticism that people lay on you. Heck it's not even defined by your most passionate ambitions or career choices. You do you, and know that you are an amazing human being no matter what people say.

Have a wonderful rest of the week! Thanks for joining me on this week's Tumblr Thursday.. See you next Thursday!

Love

-S

*My apologies, but I can't figure out who came up with this quote so I'm sorry but I can't give proper credit

[stevenkwlim]

The 4 Stages of Sibling-ship - (Director's Comments)

WHOOOOO! Yesterday, I finally released my short film about siblings, which I spent a good chunk of the last month making. You can watch the video here, and I think it turned out really amazing! Special thanks to the super talented cast & crew (aka my friends and friend's kids LOL)! 

Figure 1: Noah (past older bro), Ziah (past younger bro), Me and Stephen (super talented director & DP) after the shoot. This was exhausting but by far the most fun shoot I've ever done! Kids just make life better :)

Figure 2: Me and Jon (older bro). Best Asian American actor I know in Columbus, legit.

But this short film wasn't just 1 month's work.. it was 24 years in the making - the making of the film started when I was born into a very loving family. My big brother and I went through these 4 stages and I can almost tell you the exact dates when we transitioned into each stage.

Then, the role was flipped. My little sister was born 5 years after me, and now it was me who was guiding her through life, then neglecting her, then coming back for reconciliation. Being on both sides of the relationship has really given me clarity on what it's like from both perspectives.

As I interviewed many other people about their sibling-ship, I noticed that the siblings that go through these 4 distinct stages typically are the ones who are close in age to each other. For those of you who have a huge age gap, there isn't really much time for these stages to develop. Funny enough, the ones with huge age gaps all said they or their siblings were accidents. LOL.

A lot of people have asked me if this was a true story, and wanted to know what gift my brother got for me that I rejected. 

Well... I did a terrible job of portraying this, but this was supposed to be a fictitious short film. As with any short film or movie, the inspiration is drawn from real life but dramatized and squeezed into a 6 minute piece. There was no "one gift" that I rejected.... trust me... I loved all the gifts my big brother got me LOL. 

The whole point of the piece was to tell this story that happens to so many siblings and show that there is always hope for reconciliation at the end. Like I said in the film, there will always be times for many brothers and sisters when the sibling-ship seems all but ruined. That certainly seemed like it from the standpoint that my brother and me rarely talked for a couple years. But the best part about siblings is that no matter what, you will ALWAYS be siblings. You will ALWAYS be family, and so you will ALWAYS have to love each other for better or worse. This isn't like a girlfriend/boyfriend who you dump and never see again. When you dump your brother, there is always hope to come back together. I've lived long enough to know that can be okay, when it comes to family.

One really touching story of reconciliation is my dad's story with his little brother. I don't know how close they were growing up, but they definitely weren't close for the time I've been alive. They literally live as far away as two people possibly can (America & Malaysia lol). Without going into much detail, they've had their fair share of epic conflicts and went their separate ways. But the last time my dad went to Malaysia, my mom told me that he sat down with his brother and felt like for once... they could just chat about their lives, as brothers, with no strings attached. Isn't that crazy? I was really inspired by that. Even people in their 40's and 50's are navigating through these 4 messy stages of sibling-ship. Time heals. So if you feel like you're going to be forever stuck in stage 3 with your siblings, just know that there's always hope to come back together. After all, you're family.

Figure 3: Alvin, Tiffany, and Steven. aka the big three, the three musketeers, the perfect trifecta.

God bless! See you all on next week's Tumblr Thursday :)

Steven

P.S. This holiday season, if you feel ready, I'd encourage you to reach out to your loved ones! - especially those you've lost connection with :) 

[stevenkwlim]

A McDonald's Thanksgiving

So my family decided to do lunch for Thanksgiving this year. It was a pretty typical Chinese-style meal - notice the hot pot and stuffed duck. Mmmmmm :)

Figure 1: Thanksgiving at the Lim Residence

But because this blog post isn't about my amazing Thanksgiving lunch, that's all I'll say about that. Now, for dinner, I needed to get some work done so I headed over to America's favorite restaurant - McDonald's. 

Figure 2: Me salivating over the apple pie I was about to devour

When I got here, I was honestly really surprised with what I saw. I wasn't sure what to expect, but I figured it'd be pretty empty. Nope... I was very wrong.

There were a LOT of people here - the drive thru line was incredibly long (at least 9 cars back), the dining area was packed, and there were even families eating their dinner in the play place area while their kids jumped around.

I don't know why it surprised me so much, but yeah - I would never associate "Thanksgiving" and "McDonald's" in the same sentence. 

At the same time I guess it makes sense. McDonald's is one of the only restaurants that is actually open on this day so it's a very convenient place for people to go if they're looking for a meal or even for those who are about to go black Friday shopping.

But a family that caught my eye is a family that sat down to the table adjacent to mine. Now, I have no idea what their life circumstances were, but it appeared to be a single mother with her two daughters. The mother looked really tired, as if she had been working all day. Not going to lie - my first instinct was to pity them. The youngest daughter (around 8 years old) brought the food to the table, and the three gave thanks for their meal and proceeded to chow down.

At that point I felt like a creep so I stopped watching them and went back to my own work lol.

2 minutes into my work, they burst out laughing. Again - no idea what they were talking about, but I couldn't help but notice how happy they were. As they sat there chatting and teasing each other and laughing, they just looked genuinely, really, happy. 

I guess the takeaway from the whole story is that no matter where you are or what circumstances life has handed you... true joy comes from a heart of thankfulness and surrounding yourself with people you love and care about. This family didn't look very well off to me, for whatever reason didn't really have anybody else to eat with for thanksgiving dinner, heck.. they were eating at McDonald's. But that didn't matter and they didn't let that get them down. They had as much fun at McDonald's than my family did eating a boss lunch filled with scallops, king crab, oysters, and duck. 

--

This Thanksgiving, I'm thankful for you. Each and everyone of you who cares about my life enough to watch my videos, read my blog, and encourage me in your comments. Thank you for driving me to what I've become now. I'm also thankful for where God has taken me in my career, and I'm thankful that my career has taught me to become a man after God's heart. 

Have a happy and wonderful Thanksgiving! See y'all on next week's Tumblr Thursday.

[stevenkwlim]

Too Late To Quit YouTube?

“Very few bloggers, however, make the transition from obscurity to non-obscurity, because it also takes an unhealthy dose of hard work, perseverance, discipline, patience, improvement, and personality.”

-What You Need To Know To Make A Living As A Blogger

While this quote is talking specifically about bloggers, I can definitely relate to it as someone who is trying to make a living in the social media industry.

Before I decided to become a YouTuber, I knew it would be hard.

People told me that I would struggle. Not that I didn't believe them... but I didn’t really understand everything it would require me to get to where I want to be. Even a year in, I'm not quite on pace to be in the place where I want to be.

Figure 1: I'm proud of what I've done. But it's been a long journey

So if I could go back in time knowing what I know now, would I still do it? Would I still try and become a YouTuber?

I want to say YES, emphatically, because the human side of me wants to justify my decision making. However, this answer just isn't so cut and dry. I've quite frankly given up a lot to be in the position I'm in now, things like my health and many friendships. I've had to learn how to be disciplined especially when I don't feel like it - this means that there are days I wake up and just have to force myself to go through the motions because the work demands it.

But back to the question - yes, yes I would. More and more I'm learning that life is about the journey you take more than the destination.

Take this as an example: The most common school of thought financial advisors give to people who hit the lottery is to put it away and pretend it never happened. Most people who are given a large sum of money don't know what to do it and end up having compounded problems because of it. The problem is, when you reach your destination too early, you miss out on all the learnings from failures and hardships. You start taking things for granted.

My journey specifically has drawn me infinitely times closer to God. Every day I wake up, I'm forced to rely on Him. I can't leave my apartment without my bible or I honestly feel lost. God guides me, God drives me, and God gives me confidence because I know I'm not relying on my own human spirit to succeed.

This alone is the biggest reason why I continue to do YouTube and absolutely love it.

But I think the key for me is to not just continue because I feel pot committed.

I have to be careful that I'm not just saying yes because of how deep I've already entrenched myself in YouTube. In economics, this concept is called "sunk costs," which are investments you made that you can't get back. My sunk costs are:

The time I've given to YouTube

The sacrifices I've given up in my social life

And one that isn't so straightforward: The pressure to succeed because my job is so public. I feel this pressure because I've told other people to follow their dreams so how would it look if I dropped everything and went back to corporate life?

But committing to something because of how much we've given up is the problem so many people make with their lives now. Sunk costs make us feel like we can't and shouldn't quit. To an extreme, this is why it's so hard to get out of abusive relationships.

I guess what I'm trying to say is this: yes, I would still do YouTube if I could do it all over again. And yes, I'm happy with where I am now. But as I go deeper and deeper into my YouTube career, I gotta focus on the journey and have an open hand when considering my future. And even though I've given up a lot, it's never too late to quit. The things I've gained from just being on this journey are enough to justify my sunk costs.

Have a wonderful rest of the week! Much love and I'll see you next Thursday :)

Steven

[stevenkwlim]

hello! i'm a fan of yours, an abc (australian-born-chinese) :) i just wanted to thank you for your "asian parents respond to i love you" video. loving my parents with words has been a thing God has been burdening me with a long time now (and He still is), and He really used your video to push and challenge me to do that. although i still have many issues with this, being the prideful asian kid i am, He really brought about a good work through your video. so thank you and all glory to Him :)

You're welcome, and to God the glory! :) thanks for watching my video(s)!

[stevenkwlim]

No Video This Week :(

So I feel like I battle this every week, but it's always hard deciding whether I should put out a video just to put one out a video or wait and hold off so I can focus on quality.

As a one-man team, I can tell you that it has been nearly impossible to put out a quality video every week. I've managed to kind of do it for the past 2 months or so, but not without a price - my deteriorating health. If you guys read my Tumblr a couple weeks back, I described my 100-hour work week and how it affected my life and sleep schedule.

Without going into the details, my body has been feeling the effects. I actually recorded a video last night, and was planning on putting it up today. But as I started to edit it, I could see that my eyes were completely devoid of passion - I was doing it just to do it.

Figure 1: This is what eyes devoid of passion look like

So, my apologies, but there will be no video this week. I just couldn't put myself up to uploading that video because it felt fake. And I can't do that even if it means losing a bit of momentum or a couple subscribers. This is the trap I so often fall into - doing YouTube for other people instead of foremost to bring glory to God. I think Galatians 1:10 says it more eloquently than I ever could: Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.

At the very moment, I'm feeling my stress level rise and my emotional capacity drain. This is normal for any human being who has a pulse. But one constant that researchers observe in very successful people is their ability to get back up after taking the punches. & it definitely feels like somebody's punched me in the brain.

So this is my test. Am I going to wallow in self-pity or get up and get going?

I guess we're about to find out. 

Steven

P.S. Looking for people who like what I do and are interested in being a part of it. Let me know if you have any leads. You can email me at: [email protected] 

[stevenkwlim]

5 Things Going On In My Brain Right Now (Stream of Consciousness)

Hi all!

It's Tumblr Thursday, and usually it's very easy for me to come up with a topic to blog about because I'll just mumble jumble what's going on in my life that week. But this week has been a slow week - I spent most of it just mindlessly editing so I haven't had much time to think. (by the way, have you watched my last video yet?) So BE WARNED: this will not be a typical post but rather a stream-of-consciousness post. I use stream of consciousness all the time to help me when I'm really struggling with ideas or when I just feel stuck. You should try it sometime!

Figure 1: Pretending to type when really I have no idea what I'm doing

I understand that the lack of structure in this post may not interest you, which is cool, but for my more loyal readers - here goes :)

1) I've been playing too much Facebook Tetris lately. Let's just say it's a good thing they only let you play like 7 games at a time. Addictions are a tricky thing... sometimes they are good because they help your mind escape and your body relax... but when is too much too much? 

2) My ankles have been healing up nicely! I went to the gym to play some basketball and it felt good. This might sound crazy, but I feel like God might've purposely sprained my ankles. Hear me out: sometimes God will help me focus on my work more by taking away something I love. Several months ago I was addicted to basketball.. played every day for too many hours.. and then I sprained my ankle. That forced me to sit down and work work work, which then led to me producing my first viral video. I'm pretty sure that's not a coincidence - praise the Lord. Now, I'm just going to play 2-3 times a week max. 

3) My life is really boring sometimes. It's a grind - and I'm learning to love that. I think in a world of social media it's so hard to enjoy the lulls in life. We're constantly trying to out do the next person and get more likes.. but what if we could just be content with what we have? What if we were able to get our satisfaction from within?

4) My birthday is coming up. I used to hate birthdays but now I'm neutral towards them. For some reason, I struggle with the idea that a day should revolve a single person. I also personally hate the attention, which is ironic because I'm now trying to become a YouTuber. So now I do shameless self-promotion all the time...

5) #AlexFromTarget. I wonder if he would've went viral if he was Asian. At first, I thought.. no way. But the more I think about it, the more I think it is possible. Obviously there are a lot more hurdles.. but... it's possible. 

Okay, that's really all I got - like I said, it's a different kind of Tumblr Thursday. But hey, sometimes life is like that. I also personally think it's better that we make the best of what we have, rather than trying to create drama in our lives for no reason.

Okay thanks for getting this far. I'll be back on track with my more organized Tumblr Thursdays next week!

Bye!

-Steven

[stevenkwlim]

Workaholic YouTuber

As I turn off my laptop and pull my covers over my head to block out the sunlight, I check my phone to see what time it is:

8:30am.

I set my alarm clock for 11:00 am and double check to make sure that it's "am" and not "pm". I need to get up in two and a half hours so I can finish editing my video and release it by 1:00 pm. I close my eyes and force myself to sleep.

Figure 1: I'm prettiest when I sleep, doncha think?

This has become pretty routine for me the night before I release videos - it's usually Wednesdays, but sometimes if I'm lucky I can release my video on a Monday or Tuesday. It's reminiscent of college midterms, but instead of just the professor who is grading me, this time it seems like it's the whole world that is ready to tell me what I did right and what I did wrong.

--

My girlfriend drops by Starbucks to visit me while I'm working. I tell her that it's been a long week and share a realization with her that's just hit me.

"Dude.. I think I worked over 100 hours this past week..."

My girlfriend, who usually has to remind me to take breaks and relax more, surprises me with her answer-

"Good If you're going to chase your dreams, you need to work harder than anyone else."

That makes me smile. Inside, I'm thankful that she understands and supports me 100%. 

--

I'm exhausted. My eyes are twitching and hurt from staring at my computer screen for so long... I did take a 2 hour nap earlier, but I need to get way more sleep than that.

It's times like this where I just sit here and start to reflect on my life. The more I think about it, the more I begin to take a long, hard look at myself. Why did I want to become a YouTuber again? I can't remember haha.

--

Maybe you can relate to this - but sometimes I get so caught up in my work that I start to lose perspective on the world. Then, very quickly I can get burned out.

I think whenever this happens, I always come back to asking myself the same three questions. These questions really help me to reorient my heart, mind, and soul.

1) Why am I doing this?

For me, I am most burned out when I just go through the motions without taking a step back every once in a while and looking at the big picture. It's important for me to remind myself to enjoy the process of creating art. Focus on the journey instead of merely trying to procure results. Trust that results will come with time.

2) Where am I drawing my strength from?

For me, my energy always gets drained the fastest when I look to people for affirmation. Not that people's opinions of me don't matter - I certainly welcome and appreciate feedback. But I can easily become obsessed with the # of views or the comments people leave. On the flip side, I am most energized when I draw my strength and inspiration from God.

3) And finally, am I scheduling in enough rest?

In the midst of all the work I'm doing, it is really important to rest. For all of you workaholics out there, you get this. Because of how demanding my work is, I start to put even the most basic things on the back burner. But really, there's so much more to life than the careers we pursue and it's really important to be healthy. I never thought there would be a time in my life where I'd have to force myself to eat or sleep or play basketball. And perhaps the most essential part of my life is the quiet time that I spend with God - if I lose this, I can see my life start to slip. 

Hope you all are having a wonderful week. See you on next week's Tumblr Thursday!

With much love,

Steven

--

P.S. All that to say, I think it's time I admit that I some more need help. If you know anybody who is interested in YouTube, interested in the topics that I cover, or has some talent in directing/filmmaking, let me know! You can e-mail me at [email protected].