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[stfranciscandle]

Thinking about the bus while not on the bus. I took the metro in paris, and when I got on it was mostly empty, so I took a seat. Then it was suddenly packed. A man put his suitcase in my lap, and then somebody started yelling in my direction. I thought they were telling me to stand up, and felt awful because I couldn't because his suitcase was on my legs.

Anyway, I read I Love Dick recently, with its extended footnotes on giving people schizophrenia. I wasn't coping with this. My supervisor said it's rare but really special to feel personally addressed by texts, she feels that too. My psychiatrist quadrupled my medication.

[kittdestiny]

Hate to ruin your "fun" but making an entire au for a character revolving their schizophrenia and much worse writing them in a disgustingly INFANTILIZING MANNER is not as "cute" or "wholesome" as you may think it is. not only did you make an alternate universe where their SERIOUS MENTAL ILLNESS apparently DEFINES them, but you also appear to not take them seriously enough to think that schizospec people even as grown ass adults need to be babied and taken care of or protected like uwu or whatever

if you think adults in the schizophrenia spectrum don't deserve to be treated with respect like any other adult then you disgust me to no end and i want you to stay 2k miles away from me. be normal about schizospec people or die and burn in a fucking fire. -sincerely a tired adult schizospec person

[stfranciscandle]

Obvs not talking about your alt account, but in case people also get reference and recognise themselves in the word character.

It's ok if your anhedonia makes you not care about anything except a really life changing analepsis like diagnosis. It's ok if you compartmentalise. And it's ok if you're not representing your cohort fairly, that's not your job.

[stfranciscandle]

Me: on the bus wearing maroon jeans

Guy: gets on bus wearing maroon hat

Normal person: hey, he's got good taste

Me: whoever planted these jeans in the op shop knew this day would come. that girl has a maroon stripe in her plaid as well. did she just wave at that maroon van? are they wearing it like a flag? is it solidarity? am I with the good guys?

[stfranciscandle]

Not a bus themed post. Just found the tag schizospec cos I was looking for hearing voices. And suddenly there's posts about reference and feeling invalidated when you can't disclose your world to people and other people saying you can join us under the label of neurodivergent and I'm actually crying.

[stfranciscandle]

When you have a spare seat next to you on the bus and someone gets on and sits next to you and your legs touch but neither of you think it's your responsibility to make yourself smaller in this mean world so you spend fifteen minutes with your legs snuggling. #busthoughts #enemiestolovers

[stfranciscandle]

Diagnosing hypo-salience:

- Going to your grandparents instead of a concert. Your grandparents taking you to the concert anyway.

- The third sequel of your why-ex's favourite film franchise.

- Maths. Or English.

- God. Or Gravity Waves.

- Bread and butter.

- Somebody else's triggers before you get to like them.

- The young girl gestured for me to get on the bus before her. Big smile. Very genuine.

[stfranciscandle]

The bus seat is graveyard cold. Probably someone had their water bottle on the seat. To spite me. But you can't prove it wasn't a winter sprite on his way to the office where they calculate the costs of removing all the leaves (in this economic climate!) at approximately 1000 leaves per tree and 1000 trees per kilometer.

[stfranciscandle]

I tried to study on the way to uni.

Honestly though, I hated that old woman on the bus stopping reading to shake her head pointedly and sigh at the person who answered the phone. And I loved that man rhyming in the style of either slam poetry or clang.

The bus doesn't belong to my anxiety about (somebody) making a scene. It might belong to everybody else's though.