friend: i'll pick you up at 5
clock: 5:01
me: wHeRE teh fuKc
EXPECTATIONS
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trying on a metaphor
Sweet Seals For You, Always
Jules of Nature
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shark vs the universe
sheepfilms

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Andulka
will byers stan first human second

izzy's playlists!

Origami Around
Sade Olutola
Noah Kahan
Claire Keane
Cosimo Galluzzi
we're not kids anymore.
Misplaced Lens Cap
RMH
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@stfuamy
friend: i'll pick you up at 5
clock: 5:01
me: wHeRE teh fuKc
literally anyone: [overwatch things]
me: [nodding, pretending i understand. i do not.]
me: mom I need a new bottle of toothpaste
mom: finish the one you have sweetie
me: it's empty
mom: *squeezes the bottle and out comes extra toothpaste, Henry the VIII, michael jackson's corpse, the missing malaysian airplane, and 4 prisoner refugees*
dr thot
feel free to fall in love w me im just chilling
âi expected better from youâ well that was your fault lmao I got nothing to do with that
those little things on ur nose arenât blackheads, donât try and get rid of them theyâre sebaceous filaments and theyâre permanent and literally everyone has them
every girl has that little pouch of fat on her lower tummy, despite what magazines try n show u, you have important organs there that need to be protected donât try and get rid of ur pouch
ur body is smarter than u think and it knows what to do when u eat more than normal. one bad day, or even week, of eating poorly isnât gonna ruin anything at all I pinky promise
if u think u look good up until u try taking a selfie, itâs not ur fault - our faces are asymmetrical and when u see ur face flipped it will look unnatural to u, since u donât see it that way when u look in the mirror. to everyone else it looks perfectly fine
no oneâs stomach looks the same at 8pm as it does at 8am. no one has a chiseled six pack after a day of eating, not even the super fit people u see on tumblr, because ur stomach naturally expands after eating and expecting to have a flat tummy before bed is very unrealistic
no one notices if the bags under ur eyes are bad today. no one pays attention to the bump in ur nose or the zit on ur chin or the piece of hair that u missed when u were straightening. literally no one notices these things except you so stop worrying about it ur gonna be fine
sometimes u just gotta get over urself
this made me cry I needed it so bad
me going outside and trying to contribute to society after watching 20 conspiracy videos in a row:
let me tell u as someone with no impulse control the âtreat yo selfâ episode of parks and rec is very dangerousÂ
I just want to get dicked down again =/
old friends senior dog sanctuary did you mean to post this here
star wars spoilers
yoda is straight chillin
happy motherâs day to all the teachers i accidentally called mom that one time
when yr so tired ur eyelids are like SHUT IT DOWN BOYS but ur brian is like OPEN THOSE GATES LADS n ur closing ur eyes then opening then closing then opening then closing then opening then closing
âur brianâ
listen here mate i know what i said and i stick by it i cling to my mistakes like a real man
*exchanging wedding vows*
me: fullmetal alchemist my wife: *slightly differently from how I said it* fullmetal alchemist