Words Fall Out Uninvited

I.

[stfuitsmidnight]

I want to be an Autumn,

I want to be an Autumn so badly.

But unfortunately, I’m a Winter.

I can’t be Spring, I’m not a sweet and gentle beginning.

I can’t be Summer, I’m not a hot and bright interlude.

And I can’t be Autumn, because I’m not the brisk but welcome reaping of what was sowed.

That harvest isn’t mine.

I’m the cold and dark after.

I’m the closing shift, turndown service, flipping the lights and dusting the sparse shelves.

I’m the overnight, the back room stocker, checking logs and expecting, expecting expecting.

Expecting the red eye, expecting a shipment, expecting the openers, any minute now.

God, I want to be an Autumn.

I want my turn with the bounty, I want my turn at the table singing gratitude to the Summers and Springs.

I want my chance to enjoy the occasional surprise warm afternoon contrasted by chilly puddles from morning rain.

I want to say grace, and cheers to falling leaves I watched grow beside the people I watch them grow with.

But they’re not awake. They’re in the thick of their long nights’ rest on the way back to Spring, to Summer,

Autumn.

So I’ll be here. Syncing the clocks, doing the filing, sweeping up. Someone has to.

[stfuitsmidnight]

This love ain’t finished yet

[stfuitsmidnight]

[stfuitsmidnight]

I hope that whoever you are, you escape this place. I hope that the world turns and that things get better. But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you. I love you. With all my heart, I love you. -Valerie

Alan Moore, V for Vendetta

[stfuitsmidnight]

I can’t help it and I don’t want to

[stfuitsmidnight]

The air was cold, so the kiss was cold. And I could never make it warm enough for you.

[stfuitsmidnight]

All the trips we said we’d take

And all the memories we’d make

Oh, the promises we break

To spare the smiles we’d have to fake

And for whose sake? Oh, for whose sake?

[stfuitsmidnight]

[stfuitsmidnight]

Meeting you wasn’t like being struck by lightning.

I was the storm.

[stfuitsmidnight]

It wasn’t in the water and it wasn’t in the air, so it must have been in us already.

[stfuitsmidnight]

When you looked at me, you knew, and I knew you knew. But how could you be so sure?

[stfuitsmidnight]

It’s not that I didn’t love you, it’s that I didn’t want to.

[stfuitsmidnight]

Maybe not in this life, nor the next, but in some life out there amongst the fathoms, we made it.

[stfuitsmidnight]

Really, honestly, truly, it was so nice to meet you and I hope we meet again.

[bookgeekconfessions]

“You are part of my existence, part of myself. You have been in every line I have ever read.”

— Charles Dickens, Great Expectations (via the-book-diaries)

[stfuitsmidnight]

I’d go with you.

I’d go with you anywhere, any time.

[stfuitsmidnight]

I’ll play this game forever, because it’s better than not knowing you at all.