Seriously, Luke Russert, STFU

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Man, poetry is not only dead, but Luke here dug up its corpse, dry-humped it and jizzed in its eye before taking a huge beer shit in its dessicated chest cavity.

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Why haven't you updated this blog? Today I saw that shit-stained jockey underwear on the floor of the corporate gangbang known as MSNBC... Spewing mouth poop about Obamacare and visibly LOSING HIS HAIR. Get to work or give me this blog! CSP

Oh, look, Alex Baldwin had to clean up after Luke was done talking again.

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From a fan

For years, I have been saying that Lukey Russert's gruesome on-air facial expressions, remind me of an ax murderer, waiting to pounce.

All that is missing is the black hoodie, and the ax, which is probably hidden behind his back each time he appears on-camera.

Excellent blog, btw.

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Hi - Just wanted to thank you, on behalf of my mother, and EVERYONE ELSE I know, for creating this. Please tell me you are going to keep this up and follow the latest Lukey gaffe? Your tumblr is too funny.

Your mom already thanked me.

(People should feel free to submit their own profanity-laced and scatological critiques of this ingrown hair on the otherwise-shorn scrotum -- breathtaking -- of cable news, since I have a job my daddy's death didn't get me, so I have to, like, actually work and occasionally be good at it or else I'll get fired for incompetence.)

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Godzilla vs. Mothra! Alien vs. Predator! Whose side do you take in a Twitter match-up between the sanctimonious NYU journalism professor Jay Rosen and daddy's favorite hemorrhoid on the asshole that is DC media Luke Russert?

You know the answer. Meantime, in my head, Russert is running around the newsroom giving his best Katherine Hepburn calling Jimmy Stewart "Professor" impression.

Bonus points for Roll Call's Associate Politics Editor David Drucker being so brave as to stand up for Russert's "journalistic integrity"  for asking "tough" questions like isn't that lady just, like, way too old to lead? That whole 7 years between her and Mitt Romney, man, it's like a universe of difference. And it's not like there's any political context for sexism and ageism aligning when it comes to Pelosi, or even like a politics editor at a venerable DC Congressional analingus center might recall the time Rep. Louise Slaughter (D-NY) threatened to sue the state of New York for age discrimination after the 2000 Census redistricting in which the state lost two seats and so they tried to give the two oldest members of the delegation (her and Rep. Ben Gilman, for the record) the boot.

Nope, tough questions like, "Hey, lady, aren't you too old for this job?" man, that's real journalism. Drucker, one of Russert's "outstanding" supportive colleagues here.

Oh, and this is Russert's idea of an extra slam: "You must teach the art of not having the fortitude to ask tough questions in person so go retreat behind a blogger screen." Luke Russert, man of "fortitude," "tough questions" and beer farts so nasty no one gets in an elevator with him twice.

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Why are you such a jack ass? Luke asked what is common knowledge.Duh.

"Jackass" is one word, sugartits. That's how I know you went to BC. Duh.

Now shake your luscious man-boobs for me like Ben Stiller.

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To the Congresswomen that booed him: How about calling MSNBC and refusing to do a single interview with him ever again? To the Congressmen who didn't boo him? Do the same.

Of all the things James Carville should be ashamed of in his life, helping this human poop-loofah get and keep a job at a news network doing something other than helping Chris Matthews with his leg tingles and letting Rachel Maddow rest her feet on his back should be high on the list. My cat takes more intelligent shits than what comes out of this FUPA-face's mouth.

[sonicbloom11]

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sonicbloom11:

Ranking death parties. Classy job Russert.

This is disgusting.

But his dad died! And his dad was so nice!

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Luke Russert discovers teh feminizms AND racism at the same time!

($10 says he used that line on a girl at Local 16 last night before "accidentally" brushing up against one of her boobs and then asking her to suck his dick because he had such a brutal day at work. Then he told his friends what a slut she was.)

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Here, a fucking only child born and bred in Washington D.C., educated at a private school and packed off to bro-tastic Boston College waxes "eloquent" about his "southern brothers and sisters" affected by the tornadoes from his blackberry. He probably Tweeted this shit in line at a fucking Starbucks to buy a $6 coffee while being rude to a low-paid barista whose very existence he didn't acknowledge with even a "Thank you."

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Gosh, why did we ever leave the Commonwealth? THEY HAVE SUCH KICKASS FUCKING PARTIES YO! [guzzles beer]

[drunkengenius-deactivated201305]

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drunkengenius:

Via TerkelRage, this. Luke Russert wants just enough underage girls to stay classy so he can marry one in a few years when he’s done holding age-appropriate Snooki-clones’ heads on his dick at the end of a blow job so that they can gag on his beer-flavored spooge. He’ll commence cheating on the classy, younger woman he marries years after that while whining about how the sex is boring with his wife.

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Fuck you, Luke Russert, you wouldn't know grace or elegance if she walked in on you getting a blumpkin in the bathroom at Wonderland from a Paris clone.

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What color is the sky?

In a world in which Luke fucking Russert is an on-air reporter for MSNBC despite being both stupid and shitty on the air, the answer is clearly:

 Episiotomy

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And by this, dude fucking means that the Bloomberg reporter WHO GAVE UP A QUESTION TO THE LEADER OF CHINA in order to demand on-camera that said leader answer the question is a fellow reporter posed about China's shitty human rights record isn't as fucking cool as Alan Rickman's German terrorist-thief in "Die Hard."

Yeah, you're a journalist, you fucking turd. That was some righteous reporter shit up in there, and you were busy mentally jacking off to 80s violence-porn. Congrats. Your dad would be proud, I'm sure.

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Does it really warrant this ludicrous degree of fawnellatio, even for Howie, to get access to the son of a guy who is no longer even around to pimp anyone's books? Who is possibly the single least "deserving" personality on television? Maybe if Trig Palin got a spot on Fox, I would understand this "protectiveness" bullshit (but Trig would probably get better ratings) (and elevate the level of discourse, ha ha ha, etc. etc.)

- Moe Tkacik, "Won’t You Join Our Nepotism Acceptance Movement, Luke Russert?"

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No, dimwit. They canceled it altogether and said they now lacked jurisdiction. Kind of a big fucking difference, but I guess it's hard to read a press release with your head jammed that far up your own ass.