I’ve met and lost so many friends who have been forbidden to hang out with me due to their significant other. And I know this is a normal thing, and I totally respect their partners for wanting to have boundaries. But sometimes it’s ridiculous, especially if I known the guy since before I hit puberty.
But what can I say? I’ve been there before. The jealous girlfriend who didn’t like it when my boyfriend hung out with anyone else with tits that wasn’t me. I was that girl once upon a time.
But. I’m older now. And I have something to share, or rather, a state of mind I would like to share with anyone (man or woman) out there that is telling their partner who he/she can or cannot hang out with–bear in mind, that I was this person once, okay?
Whether we like it or not, it all boils down to insecurity. It’s hard to accept that we are insecure, but yes, truth is, we are. Hence why we tell our loves to stop seeing that person if we’re not around, or to stop talking to a person. Sometimes if we’re driven crazy enough, we’ll ask our love to block and delete one’s number.
I’ve been on both ends of the equation. Either way it sucks.
If you’re on the blocked side of the equation: you lose a friend, and most of the times, you’re in the dark about it.
If you’re on the side asking to block: you will forever be mentally and emotionally exhausted, always paranoid that your partner went against your wishes and dropped the ‘forbidden one’ a text.
So coming from someone who was once paranoid about everything my partner did, I’m gonna tell you, if you can admit that you might be this person, it’s not worth the emotional stress.
Why be in a relationship if you can’t be content and at peace with yourself? I’m not saying that that person you’ve chosen to be with is the wrong one but rather you yourself, are not ready for a relationship.
Insecurity doesn’t mean that you don’t love yourself. It just means you don’t love yourself enough to believe that your partner won’t leave you for someone else.
Here’s the trick I learned.
Let go. Be a little more open and a little more certain.
Because what’s the worst that could happen if you find out your gut instinct was right about the person you wanted your partner to block? What if your partner DID end up crushing hard on the person you were so weary about?
What’s the worst that could happen?
This: If your being lenient with whoever your partner hangs out causes an affair (an honestly, it is NOT your fault), the worst thing that could happen is you’re left with a whole bunch of Instagram photos to delete.
You know why? Cos that’s actually the best thing that could happen. Sure, no one wants that to happen, but if it does, it’s the best signal to get the heck out.
You want someone who can’t even imagine being with someone else other than you. You deserve someone who can’t imagine being with someone else other than you. If this partner of yours is getting freaky with someone else? You lose your partner, but you save your heart.
The most common after-math sentence (and defence for the relationship) is this: “But it’s been *enter number* years! We’ve been dating for so long! It’s such a waste to throw it away!”
It’s such a waste that you want to hang on to this. I’m not saying fighting for things isn’t worth it. But if you’re always gonna be looking over their shoulder at their texts, not sleeping at night because their Whatsapp status says ‘online’ even though they’ve already said goodnight, how happy could you possibly be?
Be certain about yourself. Insecure is NOT sexy.
If something bad happens–well, shit happens.
But don’t forget to love, and love with all your heart. Our partners are human beings and they need to still have their own lives of some sort too.
Let them be themselves, and you just join in on the fun. Just as you should be you, and let them join in on the fun.
If they choose to be assholes, then you are under NO OBLIGATION to stay.
I have lived in love so easily. Because I do not worry.
If ever–the universe forbid–something bad happens to my heart, I won’t have much to put back together because I am still my own person. I was just being accompanied!
THANK you, for reading this. And if you wanna talk about your insecurities, TALK TO ME.
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