The third time I’ve gotten you pregnant and each time I’m excited all over again. The first time was all wonder and novelty. The second time was wonder, and knowing what to expect and look forward to it. This time I feel like I can really savor the anticipation of each phase and the sexiness of it all.
Everything happens so much sooner this third pregnancy. You outgrow clothes more quickly. You just let your belly hang out now. You’re not self conscious about It anymore. You just let it expand and feel your shirts getting tighter and tighter. We know what to expect. It comes sooner than we remember but it’s nice that our favorite parts of you being pregnant come sooner. The first time we wanted to hit each milestone so soon that we enjoyed it but we were always looking forward to the next thing. The novelty wearing off has opened the door to savoring each phase to the fullest.
Nine weeks you’re already showing. I can’t help but feel smug and turned on. I did that. Not only did I do that but you’re also outgrowing your bras. I fucking love it. You’re semi indifferent, a bit surprised it happened this soon but not making a huge deal. Excited about it all but not acting like it’s your first rodeo. We knew that everything would come sooner. One evening I am sitting on our couch and you came over and sit on my lap, facing me and wrapping your legs around me, slowly grinding into me, I melt when you whisper in my ear “soon we won’t be able to do this anymore, not when you keep putting babies in me.”
Twelve week and you’re unable to hide the bump. Which really has already reached “belly” territory. I can already cup and hold your belly. It’s already liftable. I love grabbing it when we spoon. The first time you were pregnant you didn’t even pop at all until just before 16 weeks! You tried to push your belly out more because you wanted to look pregnant so bad. We were so excited. Now you’re groaning that your shirts are getting tight at three months and you’re starting not new able to zip or button your pants anymore. I feel kinda bad and also pleased with myself whenever I watch you struggle to fit into another piece of clothing. I promise I’ll make it up to you and buy you more clothes when you outgrow what you’ve got.
At fifteen weeks you’re undeniably pregnant. And mentally I keep comparing you to that first time. You still hadn’t popped and were so sad about it. You couldn’t wait to look pregnant and now people are asking if we are expecting twins. I can’t keep my hands off of you whenever we are alone. I love laying between your legs and using this bump as a pillow. I love feeling it get larger between us every time we hug. It’s big enough now that I feel it pressing into my body when you hug me or when you spoon me.
At 20 weeks you look closer to six months pregnant. And our baby is starting to our distance between us as it gets bigger. You’re starting to take deep breaths now sometimes. I do apologize that the harder to breath phase came this much earlier. I try to make up for it by doting on you every chance I get. Kissing your neck, massaging handfuls or your breasts, running my hands from the top of your belly down to your belly button and then down to your under belly. It feels so intimate. I’ll never feel this closeness to anyone. You ask “do you still find me attractive even when I’m this big?” I tell you quietly in your ear, “I find you this attractive because IM the one that made you this big”
At 24 weeks you look like you’re in the middle of your third trimester instead of at the tail end of your second. You’re waddling now. You’re not fitting into most of your regular clothes and can only fit in maternity tops and my shirts. I love seeing your belly press against the fabric of my tops, them getting tighter by the day. You’ve gone up two bra sizes and that’s on top of the permanent bra size you’ve gone and stayed up from the previous pregnancies. I love helping to pull you up every time you need to get up from a sitting position. I let you know how much I love your body when you’re pregnant. When you do feel awkward in your body I’m always ready to run my hands on all over it and tell you what I like about these curves.
At 30 weeks you look like you’re due. Whenever we go out people can’t help but ask how far along you are. The bottom of your belly has truly rounded out. I try not to stare too hard because I don’t want to make you feel self conscious. A feeling you’re feeling more often these days. You’re as big as you were at the end of your pervious pregnancies. Now you’re kinda worried how big you’re going to get by the end of this one. You always have one or both hands on your belly now. Rubbing the sides when you feel a strong kick or punch accompanied by a gasp or a groan followed by several deep breaths. Resting your hands on top of your belly or carrying it with both your hands to alleviate your back. I lift it whenever I can, I like feeling how much you’ve rounded out. The shape of your belly has grown into a low hanging belly. When you sit now your legs are pushed wide open by my baby. The way your breasts sit on top of your belly when you sit does admittedly make you look a little bit awkwardly huge. It looks like the whole front of your abdomen has just grown forward in a way that’s disproportionate to your frame. But I find the awkwardness hot. I did that. I was the one that made you like this. The baby i put in you is responsible for your state. Whenever we are out in public together everyone knows that you are mine.
At 36 weeks the belly is low. Your breathing is heavy, you’re constantly groaning and moaning and gasping. But you also tell me how much you love feeling so close yet so far. You want to her done but you know when it’s over you miss the belly. There’s so much movement happening inside you. It’s always moving and stretching in weird ways. We don’t know if you’re hours or weeks away from giving birth. But I hope it’s weeks. Im savoring you this big. One day you’re sitting on our bed in just a bra looking at yourself in the mirror.
“Look at me, I couldn’t keep my legs closed and now I physically can’t close my legs. Your baby is huge. What did you pump into me?”
“My baby? I thought it was ours”
“It’s ours when I’m not self conscious, it’s yours when I am. At least before I was pregnant if I was self conscious about my tummy I could put a pillow or blanket or sweater in front of it and I’d be fine. But this…?” You rub circles on the right hand side of your stomach as your voice trails off before you pick it back up. “But this is unhidable! Look at me. It just juts out. My tits are huge and just flopped on top of it.”
I walk over to you and kneel in front of you and kiss your belly button while rubbing the sides of your stomach. “I’m gonna rub this big pregnant tummy as I tell you this- I know you feel big and awkward but I can’t over state how hot I think you are right now.”
Five weeks later, you’re 41 weeks pregnant and I’ve never desired you so bad. Fucking you every chance I get to try to kickstart labor is the best. Hands on your heavy, long, awkward belly while I’m deep inside you is a different type of primal desire. You’re trying everything to kick start labor but nothing has worked over the past month. I love watching you waddle, watching you eat, watching you struggle getting out of the car, helping you roll over in bed, watching you plop down and drop your weight into seats. I help you every chance I get, I do feel kinda bad how much of a struggle everything has gotten at this stage. You need to catch your breath regularly. You’re always leaning backwards and putting your hands on the small of your back. You’re lifting it and resting it on tables and counters, and asking me to lift it to alleviate your body of some of the pressure. You get winded so easily now. Your hands are still always on your belly, consciously or subconsciously. I love watching you mindlessly rub your belly. Especially when you’re laying down or sitting. I can only hug and kiss you from behind or the side. This is the biggest you’ve ever been in pregnancy. You lay on the bed with a pillow stuffed underneath your left side for support, I come and lie down with you, behind you, spooning you and rubbing the right side quietly. We don’t need to say much. After a few minutes I whisper “so we want to do this another time or…”
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