I AM THE GOD OF THE GAPS,

I AM THE DEMON OF SODOM, I AM THE BLOOD OF AN ANGEL.

[stonedstevie]

🤍 call me stevie or maw 🤍

follows from @frothingatthemaw | they/it/she/he (any) + neos | 21 | plural & bpdtism

general taglist | taglist for others <3 (send an ask if you'd like one)

i sometimes post suggestive/nsfw stuff under #nsftposting (block this tag if you’re uncomfortable seeing that kind of content)

i will post about weed & being high, and i do not tag it (safe to assume i am always high, if you plan to msg me)

please ask before reblogging system related posts, thank you!

+ other things under cut!

spotify | pronouns page | discord: please ask

sideblogs:

writing blog: @mappedfantasy

selfship blog: @sugaredbloodcells

hoard blog: @steviehoards

our system blog: @mainframesystem

love centered/aesthetics blog: @loverstained

catkin blog: @kittybaps

japanese/anime girl blog: @aromanticwaifu

& i have a nsfw blog, dm me for that!

other links:

system spotify | character playlist spotify | last.fm | ao3 | letterboxd | twitter | tiktok | bluesky

[stonedstevie]

gonna do my nails today i think… does anyone have any ideas?

[stonedstevie]

t-shirt that says “i can be trusted around men who are nice to me”

[stonedstevie]

how am i supposed to be ANY amount of normal about this.

[stonedstevie]

guys i wanna do drag makeup SO BAD!!!!!!!

[stonedstevie]

i have things to look forward to YIPPIE!!!!!!!!!

[stonedstevie]

new theme new theme :3

[stonedstevie]

i wish i could wear a cute outfit around the house but ITS TOO FUCKIN COLD 😭

[stonedstevie]

lowkey think i might be really struggling with reality at the moment… like dissociating to a level of not being able to discern what’s really real. everything feels a bit too fake for my liking, like everything is a fabrication. i feel like i am awake in a dream, like i know i am experiencing things but they don’t feel substantial or like mine. i feel as if i am experiencing a world that’s going to be ripped from me

[stonedstevie]

thinking about “when the power of love beats the love of power, the world knows peace”

[stonedstevie]

i love josh zerkaa so much none of you chat to me 😭

[stonedstevie]

i need to get off this app and get out of bed before i drive myself insane

[stonedstevie]

had the unfortunate realization of “i don’t think i deserve love unless i have to fight for it.” such as i don’t know how to actually feel and accept care someone just gives to me on their own accord, when typically i would have to fight for someone to care for me, would have to sit down and have conversations about how to care for me, and having someone do natural care that comes to them is something that doesn’t sit right with me. it’s genuinely unfathomable in my brain that someone could care for me without me having to ask for it. i’ve been catching myself interpret someone saying a nice thing in a way of them being negative to me… like i’ve completely not even considered the possibility that it’s been said out of something positive. i don’t know how to be loved without begging for it

[stonedstevie]

i woke up from a nap and was immediately plagued with WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN

[stonedstevie]

i think i’m feeling a little bpd about this guy because the timing was really insane in how i broke things off with the guy i was seeing and then he messaged to ask how i was doing. it felt like it was supposed to happen for some reason, the timing felt too perfect to not mean something. or maybe i am looking for signs of hope in nothing, i don’t know. and i think i feel bpd about him because he was offering to be of support during me hurting from all of it, and i think me thinking i was so unloveable after it and he being someone who cared fucked with my brain given our history. so now i really don’t know what’s happening anymore after i don’t necessarily need him to like vent to anymore. we’ve just been casually texting whenever he replies and i don’t know if this is going to continue or if we’re going to eventually fall back into not talking for months at a time. i hate uncertainty, especially when it comes to people i have some kind of feelings for/with

[stonedstevie]

it’s not even like i can ask him why he’s still here because what sane person who you’re platonic with a capital p with asks that LMAO

(has agreed upon being platonic after things didn’t work out romantically) heyyyyy why do you still choose me despite all of this? :3

LIKE NO??????

[stonedstevie]

another thing about this guy btw is that i think he’s like. lowkey rich or something. it’s very intimidating to know him and for him to still choose to know me. because this man’s father was a cop to where they threw a retirement party for him. and his man is always busy doing something out. he owns a lot of quite expensive things… and it’s seemed like that for as long as it can seem. and he says it’s no big deal to travel to see someone? like flying? and he works at a company that i think he owns in some way? i think? i don’t know. but talking to someone who seems like they come from such a fruitful background as someone who is poor as fuck and is literally from the poorest region of the country it’s fucking terrifying. it’s like the whole high school thing of the popular kids being the rich ones and the poor ones being looked down upon. it feels like that but it’s a rich kid doing the big bad thing and befriending a poor person. i don’t know!!! knowing him feels really weird because he feels like someone who shouldn’t fucking choose me knowing his life but he doesn’t care about all of that at all and says he cares about me despite whatever fucking else has gone on between us. i don’t know how to take that. i just don’t get why he is who he is and has the life he has, and YET chooses to be in my life in some sort of way, even after i was bitter with him and even after we didn’t talk for a few months. why does a person like him choose a person like me? i know it’s stupid to feel that way but seriously… why and how?