Stoned With My Mum

[stonedwithmymum]

I recently had my very first job interview. As it turns out, a few months before said interview, I smoked with one of the women that interviewed me. I'd like to think that's a good story to tell people in a few years. We'll see!

[stonedwithmymum]

I woke up this morning to mum lamenting that grapefruit isn't what it used to be

[stonedwithmymum]

Mum I love you

[stonedwithmymum]

:D

[stonedwithmymum]

How to make me lose me appetite for root beer: On soda cans, you may be aware that you can turn the tab around to cover the opening of the can. You can then use the tab to hold a straw for your drink. I personally never thought of it because of the people around me growing up never used straws in cans, or when they did, they never used that method to hold the straw. So I used this trick. Mum then decided to remind me that straws are ticklish and so in holding the straw in place, I was torturing the poor straw.

[stonedwithmymum]

Mum turned to me and saw me dressed in my “pride gear” consisting of a black shirt, a black bracelet, and a black hat with rainbows all across them (and some dark jeans). She said to me, “you look like a big black babdook

[stonedwithmymum]

I can’t stand the way those “feminine” Razors look cute and innocent like they don’t samurai sword the hair off your legs like any other razor. They’re frilly and brightly colored but if you don’t use it right it’ll cut you open

[stonedwithmymum]

"We'll fix that bug... Eventually. When you start using ice skates to go to the toilet because hell just froze over. "

[stonedwithmymum]

Mum: *points to me with her index finger* en garde!

Me: I’m not doing that. That’s weird.

[stonedwithmymum]

[stonedwithmymum]

My Child is Evil: A Series of Anecdotes from Mum

Apparently the Imperial March (otherwise known as the Darth Vader theme) plays through Mum's mind when she thinks about her child.

[stonedwithmymum]

(Referring to the character Nightmare in Soul Calibur IV) Mom: These lines were literally written by a wheel of cheddar. Like a wheel of cheddar just became sentient and asked for a pen and paper and wrote these lines... *2 minutes later* Wait no it was like a brick of brie.. Like something upperclass that thinks it's better than everyone else

[stonedwithmymum]

I get really freaked out when I remember I have veins and it makes me squirm quite terribly. I think this comes from it feeling like a weakness. Like bruises bein broken veins. Sometimes I'll think about it and suddenly start focusing on the feeling of my lungs moving while I breathe and it feels even worse uggh

[stonedwithmymum]

These bagels.. They're soft.. And firm. Like boobs. -Mum