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@stopher85-blog
MEN: Discover Yourself
Happy One Year: Anniversary My Positive Life
One year ago today, I sat in my room feeling very dissatisfied with the state of HIV and the stigma associated with it. I wanted to do something about it. I wanted to be a voice for those that cannot find theirs or cannot express it because of certain barriers. I decided one year ago today, that I wanted to make a difference in HIV in my communities and to share my stories with others who share these experiences with me. Today is my Blogaversary!
So much has happened in a year and today it's been remarkable to just sit back and think about all the things that have happened in my life.
This year I have received the Governors Award for HIV/AIDS work and will be receiving that award from Steve Bullock the Governor of Montana. Not only that, but I will be sharing that honor with two others that I know very well and I'm honored be to counted among those men who have stood up to make a difference in the community.
Here is the link to the article: Click Here
Here is my acceptance speech for tomorrow where I will be surrounded by many of my closest friends and family who have supported me through this stage in my life.
Acceptance Speech 2013
I am so humbled to stand before you all today and accept this award. I want to thank everyone for their support today. Each of you has had an incredible impact on my life and have made me a better person. I’m so deeply grateful for all your kindness and love.
I have been interested in HIV related work since I was a junior at Capital high school when I wrote for the Paw Print about the Orasure Rapid HIV test making its way into use. Since that time so much has changed in HIV, and largely for the better, but we aren’t there yet.
I want to take this time to remember those that we have lost because of this terrible disease. Some of us have experienced it first hand watching our lovers, friends, and family die or become severely ill. I have listened to many heart breaking stories throughout the years of those of us that have lost loved ones and from those who have survived to share their stories. It is important to share these stories so that we never forget these courageous people who have fought bravely for their lives to remember those we lost.
Today HIV is a manageable chronic condition because of the work of people like yourselves who have advocated, funded, lobbied, volunteered, cared for, and loved those infected with HIV. We are making progress towards a future where HIV will no longer hold power over us.
This year the World AIDS Day theme is "Getting to Zero: Zero New HIV Infections. Zero Discrimination. Zero AIDS-related Deaths" and it holds a powerful message. It shows that in the future we can live free from the suffering that HIV has wrought. In order to get to Zero we need to combine our efforts and resources to combat this disease. The economy has taken a hard hit and our government has struggled to find money to afford to HIV Prevention and Treatment. But as our government is making cuts to just about every program out there, I ask that you remember that when we spend money on HIV Prevention and Treatment we are not doing just that, but rather we are investing it in our future, a future where we can all flourish free from the disease and it’s insidious nature.
In the long run, it is far cheaper to keep people from getting infected than it is to treat them for a lifetime. We have the tools to prevent HIV infections and we have the passion to do it! We need to embrace PrEP as a prevention strategy and make it affordable and accessible to those at risk for HIV and spare them the stigma associated with it.
Mr. Governor we need your help to make sure that we can get this funding to continue our work in Montana. Our work in Montana has caught the attention of the CDC as a progressive state for HIV Prevention and Treatment and is leading the way for our region in HIV prevention efforts. The CDC is really excited about the work we are doing on the internet to reach our target population, but our funds are tight.Without funding for projects such as these and without lawmakers and government support of projects like ours, we cannot be successful.You really can make a difference in our future as a state that truly flourishes.
To my friends and family, thank you for your support over the years and for giving me the courage to stand up here today and make a difference in Montana. It is your love, kindness, and compassion that has made me the man I am. I stand up here today as reflection of your compassion and love, to show that you can live with HIV and you can make a difference. You too can help by lobbying for better HIV funding. Donate money to your local HIV prevention community based organizations. Educate yourselves. Fight the stigma. Get tested. Stand up here and fight HIV with me. Let’s be one of the first states to truly show the world that we can get to Zero infections and Zero AIDS related deaths. Thank you.
Here is a little BIO written by David Hererra who nominated me for the award:
Christopher W. Gehring, an undergraduate in health and human performance at the University of Montana, has been volunteering and working in HIV for over ten years doing HIV testing and developing empowerment strategies with other young gay and bisexual men based on San Francisco’s Mpowerment model.
Chris grew up in Helena and actually was involved in one of the first gay and straight alliances (GSA’s) in Montana. Chris’s enthusiasm and passion for the HIV work that he conducts comes through in whatever he’s doing, whether it be presenting before a retreat audience, handing out condom packets to young men at a drag show, or even performing in drag to raise funds for HIV prevention.
Watching him blossom and grow over the years has truly been an amazing ride. As a participant at one of the first young gay men’s health retreats at Camp Mak-A-Dream, he kept presenters on their toes with his insight and questions. It wasn’t long before he established himself as a peer leader willing to help educate young men about not only HIV, but as importantly about mental health, coming out, self-esteem, body image, or communication.
Whether living here in Montana, or living in Portland, Chris always remained an HIV and sexual health advocate. Since returning to Missoula as a University student, he has focused his interest in social media and behaviors in the gay rural community. In 2012 he began working with FDH & Associates on their MORE Project, a social media project working to reduce HIV stigma, increase HIV and STD prevention, promote knowing one’s HIV status and increase HIV rapid testing among gay, bisexual, trans men and men having sex with men. He currently works with FDH and the MT Gay Men’s Task Force as the Evaluation Coordinator for the MORE Project.
Thank you to all of my followers who have taken the time to read about my experiences. I hope that if you are struggling with being positive that you will find your support. The best advice that I can offer to you in this situation is to get involved in your community in some way. It has truly made the difference. Stay strong. Stay smart. Stay sexy.
All of my love,
Stopher
Crazy Busy and a Little Self-Praise
I’ve been so ridiculously busy with school, work, the GMTF, and dating I haven’t had a lot of time to write. I thought I would take a few minutes out of my day to touch base with the blog world.
So all summer I had been working and writing and started dating a very sweet man in Helena, my hometown about 2 hours away ( 1.5 if your my boyfriend). It’s been an amazing experience and I feel so blessed to have him in my life. He has helped me feel confident, he has great ideas, he’s a wonderful listener, and he cums like a horse.
School has been in full swing. I changed my major from Sociology to Community Healthy in the Health and Human Performance field. I’m taking courses on Sociological Research Methods (oh yeah I decided to minor in Sociology as a compromise), a basic philosophy course, a Social Psychology course, and Community Health Theory. It’s been wonderful and I’m really excited about my new career path. It seems more suitable and with healthcare all a mess, now is the time for good people to come in and fix it!
I was part of a conference call with the CDC in Atlanta about the HIV work we do here in Montana. We’ve developed and have employed a tracking method for internet outreach based on a model that I developed. The CDC was really impressed and needless to say I received many accolades– not to toot my horn, but I’m going to go ahead and toot my own horn. The next step in the process is to operationalize it and train a staff of people (volunteers possibly) how to conduct internet outreach and how to track and record data from the population we are trying to make changes in. It’s been a fascinating experience thus far and I hope I have the energy, motivation, and support to further explore and develop this program. Look at me doing big people things. Woot!
In addition I have been working on a fundraiser for our organization. I designed a flyer and have been promoting the hell out of the event. We’ve spent about $200 dollars and I’ll be happy if we can break even. Sometimes Helena is a tough crowd for gay related events. That evening, however, I will be performing in drag and MCIng with my fabulous sister Bambi and I as Heidi Codone. Should be a good time.
For one of my classes I have to help develop a health program. My group and I are trying to develop a toiletries program for the homeless shelter. It’s been a real pain in the ass because I work with two very clueless girls– I mean kind-hearted girls, seriously. I helped develop a training manual and I have an idea of how to manifest this program, but I don’t think I have enough support from my peers to accomplish it.
At the Women’s Opportunity and Resource Development job I have been given a raise and a unique position has been created for me. I get paid an extra .50 an hour to train new people and to develop programs around the office that will help with the effeciency of the organization as a whole.
I attended an HIV positive retreat and invited Mark S King to come join us. He did and he presented and he was fabulous. It was nice to bridge generation gaps and cultural/rural-urban differences and I appreciated his perspective and his participation. It was a fantastic retreat and I think we all learned quite a bit about how we look at the world. Chantz and I did a wonderful job of engaging our audience and generating discussion. Matter of fact we went over by 45 minutes because people were so into discussion. It was awesome and I learned so much about myself and my community.
My roommate moved out leaving me with quite a bit of space and it’s been really nice. We’ll see if I can afford it, but for now I’m basking in the luxury of being a single person household. Stay Positive! Stay Healthy!
Calling all Outreach Workers and Organizations
I’m working on doing some internet outreach with Adam4Adam and I am charged with creating an online outreach protocol. I was wondering if anyone out there in the HIV/AIDS prevention and treatment world has one that I might be able to model for rural Montana internet communities. I’d greatly appreciate any leads. The sooner I can complete this, the sooner I can do outreach to my community through A4A. Thank you in advance. Contact me at [email protected].
Is Hegemonic Masculinity a Driving Factor in HIV/AIDS in Select Communities?
Click here to read the story
I see problems with correlating any demographic to HIV and its progression towards AIDS, but at the same time I understand that certain demographics are harder hit by the epidemic (men who have sex with men in our community). That being said I DO think it is important to look at each of these subgroups to look at why HIV is effecting these groups, but we don’t always see the picture so clearly and that leads to assumptions like this man has about coming out and HIV/AIDS– that is to say that he might be right about tackling perceptions of gay identity and having safe space for those men to affirm their identity. I have always had problems with the masculine identity as I believe this is a real problem in HIV prevention.
I had read a study once that looked at black men who have sex with men and those men who were perceived as masculine were also perceived to be “clean” (pejorative term) or otherwise uninfected and had a higher likelihood of engaging in higher risk sex. These kinds of attitudes (as well as not having the space to come out) limit conversations between men and often times does little to foster honest conversation about risks– which are something everyone engages in at some point in their day (sexual or otherwise). That is to say that perhaps, maybe, that anything related to HIV isn’t masculine, and therefor not desirable to those who identify with hegemonic masculinity. This kind of attitude is reinforced then and HIV becomes a problem for that community. Speaking as an outsider (not one in the black community) I cannot say for sure, but in my experience this theme runs pretty strong in most communities (i.e. men on the DL in rural areas.)
Part Two: Murder and Sex
Part One: Click Here
Part Two:
Outside the birds chirped and ebb and flow of traffic began to pick up for the early morning commute. The window to apartment 226 lay open. A cool breeze drifted inwards causing the curtains to flutter. Leo lay on his back fully exposed, his blankets wrapped at his feet, and his arms rested above his head. He stirred, rolled on to his side, and pinched his nose between his eyes while rubbing in small firm circles. He opened his eyes, blinked a few times, and scraped the eye boogers from the corners of his eyes. He made a face as he stretched, yawned, and caught a whiff of his breath—it smelled like he had been eating the ass end of a dead hyena. He fumbled his way onto the floor from the mattress and slowly stood up, cursing his penchant for vodka and tragedy.
Leo showered, brushed his teeth, dressed, and snagged a black hooded sweatshirt from his closet. He slipped on his running shoes, grabbed a backpack and a bottle of water. He grabbed the lube from his floor and screwed the lid back on. Then he reached in his top dresser drawer and fumbled around for some condoms he had kept next to his underwear. He closed the door to his apartment while inserting ear buds into his ears and clicked on his favorite playlist. He checked to make sure the door was locked and exited his apartment building in the fresh morning air. He took a deep breath in and thought—nothing like a walk in the park to cure a bad case of the “hangover hornies”.
The number 12 was due to arrive at its fifth checkpoint around 5:25 a.m, and Leo was five minutes early. He leaned up against the pole marking the bus stop and lit a cigarette after snagging one from his back pack. Movement across the street caught Leo’s eye. He turned to better view the store front of Wicca Basket-- a new age shop run as a business in the front and residency in the back. Two men seemed to be preforming a normal business transaction, but something seemed strange about the look on one of the men’s faces. He heard the roar of the bus and took a deep drag before pinching the cherry off into the street and tucking the snipe behind his ear.
The number 12 rolled to the bus stop, Leo paid the change meter and found a seat near the back of the bus. There were only two others on the bus, an old man with a newspaper and a middle-aged Korean woman flipping through a beauty magazine. As the doors closed and the bus began to pull into the street Leo looked over his should and out the window. He saw the one man at the counter strike his customer over the head with something large. The customer fell to the floor in a spray of blood as Leo gasped in horror. Nobody on the bus seemed to notice as the bus moved forward and Leo turned and sat in his seat conflicted about what to do next. Had he really just witnessed an attempted murder? He fumbled for his phone heart racing and dialed the police.
After giving over his account of what happened and his personal information to the dispatcher, he was assured an officer would respond to the incident and have a look to see if anyone had indeed been hurt. Leo didn’t feel much better about what he had thought he had saw. He put it out of his mind the best he could.
The bus stopped a half a block away from the arboretum—a large wood of shady trees stretched to the outer limits of the city. Morning was the best time to cruise the park. Leo was bound to find someone to fuck him; despite having been shaken by the mornings events, Leo’s craving for sex would not abate until he succumbed to its will.
He walked into the arboretum and followed the trail. Not many joggers used these paths, probably because of all the cruising activity by men fucking other men. The trees were tall and the path wound to the top of the hill through a long switchback—and trails leading to flat areas covered by thick brush and bushes; perfect spots to engage in all kinds of scandalous behaviors.
Leo walked along the path smoking until he came upon an older man standing awkwardly and staring at him. The man nodded silently and thus they began the most awkward mating ritual known to man. Leo’s heart began to race as he nodded back. Off to the right was a small out cove of bushes with a thin but worn trail leading into them. Leo gestured with his head to follow him as he walked towards the out cove. The man nodded silently and thus they began the most awkward mating ritual known to man.
When the two had finished the older man departed first, leaving Leo there --with a used condom and a wad of paper napkins-- as he wiped off the evidence of his encounter, he wadded the napkin and tossed it into the bushes. The sex was fast and furious. It was painful. It was safe—but for what it lacked in romance the adrenaline rush was always welcome during an orgasm. It was the closest thing to having sex on a roller coaster that Leo could imagine. It was gross and it made him feel nasty, but somehow it made him feel part of something—something more; something bigger. Leo followed the trail back to the bus stop, but what Leo didn’t know was somebody had been watching him.
Viral Blip
Today I found out that I was a hair over undetectable. My viral load is 46 right now. Four weeks ago my viral load was 25 and prior to that my viral load was <20 copies. I have read that blips are not uncommon and that they usually occur when a person has been sick with another form of illness. That being said I haven’t been sick and I had a screening for all STD’s at the same time. I’m a little worried that my medication might not be working. I don’t really have a lot of base knowledge in this particular scenario. I have the habit of over-thinking something and I hope that I’m just making myself paranoid. How normal are blips?
That being said I am also a little worried because I don’t know how much of a risk I am to somebody as a bottom. Technically the Swiss study says that undetectable for the sake of being “non-infectious” is <40. I’m not sure six virons will really make too much of a difference, but I don’t know, can I make that assumption? I mean if my viral load is going up approximately 5 virons a week it’s eventually going to start increasing exponentially if unchecked right? How infectious is this going to make me? Ooops, here I go, over-thinking.
I feel like my security blanket has been taken away from me, or at least it threatens to be. I’m frustrated and a little bit nervous.
In other news the hot nurse that drew blood from me last Friday butchered my arm. Oh my goddess! Let me disclose that what happened was completely consensual and of no real fault to him for drawing my blood.
I always get my blood drawn from my right arm because my right arm has the best veins and the experience is relatively painless and routine. This time, however, for whatever reason my veins on my right arm wouldn’t cooperate. I got stuck twice– once with a butterfly and once with a needle– and I just wouldn’t bleed. I suggested the left arm and it wasn’t much better. He said that this would probably hurt and I gave him the head nod to just get it done. So he had no mercy and to his credit he was eventually and painfully able to draw my blood. The lovely nurse who was witnessing had to leave the room because she almost fainted.
My arm hurt like a mother fucker all day, almost to the point where I considered an arm sling to limit my movement. Then, oddly, for the next two days my arm was in great shape (except for the nasty ugly bruise that covered my arm two my elbow). Then on Sunday I started getting this sharp painful stabbing pains shoot from the ball of my shoulder all the way down the front of my arm into my wrist. It’s not a consistent pain, but certain movements and amounts of pressure will send out jets of flames. My new nurse (different from Hot Nurse and Sick Nurse) told me over the phone to apply heat and take pain relievers to help and if it wasn’t better in a week to get it checked out. A week! Are you kidding me? I hope this shit doesn’t go on for a week. It’s a good thing it’s my left arm, so I can still masturbate…
I don’t know. I’m in pain and I’m worried about my blip. Any advice? Also I’m looking for a link to the H052 Study as I think it’s called– the actual study from the Swiss that discloses their findings with undetectable viral load.
Best,
Stopher
A Short Story Just for Fun!
Leo Tucker was not a gorgeous man by media standards. He was of medium size and small stature. He didn’t quite fit the ideal image of a gay man in the media. He didn’t fit into the Adonis ideal, nor was he rich—he worked washing dishes in a dive 24 hour diner. He didn’t work out; he wasn’t shaved; he had small biceps, a broad but defined chest with furry cleavage and a furry tummy. He was still quite attractive and it surprised him how many men actually took notice of him.
He generally loved every bit of his life. He loved his average looks. He loved his shitty job. And he loved men. That was why he had moved here from a rural town from the mid-west. He was tired of being lonely and couldn’t take any more from the small-minded men back home, half too scared to leave the house for fear they’d be seen with a “known homosexual”.
Leo wasn’t what you would call passably straight. He had a high voice, with delicate features—high cheek bones cresting just below his dark brown eyes. His nose was slender and long and ended in a small bulb that hung just above his plump delicate lips.
Leo had never been very good at meeting men, they always seemed put off by how gay he was. Leo was an advocate for the LGBT community, but in his heart he was just a gay man and nothing more. He was a man who loved the affection and company of men. He loved the way they made him feel during and after sex. He realized a long time ago that the experience of being a man and masculine was subjective, but none of his other peers seemed to pick up on that and followed a strict man code. Tall. Slim. Athletic. None the less, Leo was lonely.
“Hot date tonight,” came a voice next to Leo who sat sipping a microbrew IPA listening to the slow chatter of bar patrons.
“Excuse me,” he said politely to the handsome 40’s something man.
“Sorry, I don’t mean to bother you. I’ve seen you in here a couple of times. You seem a little more dressed up than usual. I thought maybe you had a date,” said the handsome stranger.
“No. No date, but thank you for the compliment. I had some business to take care of today.”
“Job interview?”questioned the man.
“No, not exactly. I had a meeting early today at work. I was trying to impress them—I’m trying to move up the ladder.”
The man nodded and took a sip of his beer, foam clinging to the top of his lip in his smooth groomed beard. He gestured towards the seat next to Leo, who nodded in acknowledgement inviting the man to sit next to him. The man sat for a second and a long silence hung between them as they sized each other up.
“My name is Dale,” he extended his hand and Leo grasped his hand and shook. The man’s shake was firm but gentle.
“I’m Leo. Nice to meet you.”
“Likewise. You’re a very attractive young man, Leo. I hope that I’m not bothering you tonight.”
“No, not at all. Matter of fact, I was hoping to find some company this evening.”
“Oh?” Dale said raising his eyebrow at the question intrigued by what Leo might suggest.
“Yeah…”
Four hours later the two had been kicked out of the bar as the bar prepared to close for the evening. It was late and the two had enjoyed each other’s company. Dale and Leo had polished off quite a few drinks, each lending to more interesting conversation. Now they were laughing and carrying on conversation walking down the street. Leo snorted at a joke that Dale had made and gently bumped into him as they walked. Dale stopped and looked at him underneath a nearby street light, his features slightly accented by the neon glow of the closed signs on the business awning they stood under. Leo leaned in and kissed Dale softly. Dale kissed back softly, slowly gaining in intensity their tongues exploring the inside of each other’s mouth. An SUV of young college girls cheered from the road as they cruised by. Dale and Leo laughed and pulled away from one another.
“Do you want to come back to my place,” Leo offered.
“Where do you live?”
“A few blocks from here is all. It’s very small. It’s a studio and has a small kitchen, personal bathroom, and a full size mattress. It’s not very upscale, but I like you Dale and I’d like for you to come home with me.”
Dale looked at him a moment with a quizzical look about him. He nodded and the two grew silent walking along the sidewalk. Leo’s apartment appeared ahead and he dug for the keys in his tight jeans which was no small feat for his drunk fingers. Eventually he was able to find the right key and opened the entryway door holding it open so that Dale could come in. He climbed the two flights of stairs and turned left into a hallway and stopped in front of 226, inserted the key, and unlocked the door. Dale caught a faint whiff of pot lurking inside the apartment, poorly disguised by the smell of cheap lilac incense.
To the left was a small stove, a mini sink, and an office sized refrigerator. The wall to the right of the kitchen housed a small dresser wedged behind two half-closed mirrored closet doors. The bathroom door was in the far corner with the light on. To the right was a full size mattress with a wad of blankets lazily strewn about. It was cozy and it had a charm to it. Dale turned to see Leo looking at him, seeking his approval.
“It’s nice. Charming. Small but charming.”
Leo relaxed and smiled and closed the door behind him locking the deadbolt. He grabbed Dale by his shirt and kissed him hard. The two passionately kissed illuminated only by the bathroom light and stripped each other of their clothes. Leo kissed Dale’s neck and worked his hands and mouth down his front side, touching as much of his body as he could. He hovered just over Dale’s hard cock, kissing just above his pubic line. Dale moaned and grabbed his head while Leo inserted the man into his mouth. He pressed hard against the back of Leo’s head making him gag but didn’t stop. Leo’s penis became hard and stiff while his eyes watered doing the best he could to swallow Dale’s large cock.
“I want to fuck you,” Dale leaned over and whispered into Leo’s ear and pushed him down on the bed. Dale grabbed the lube that was conveniently open and sitting next to Leo’s bed. They stared at each other for a moment as Leo breathed hard and positioned his hips for entry. Dale teased Leo with the glands of his penis by rubbing it around on his asshole. Dale began to push.
“Wait!” Leo cried.
“What’s wrong?”
“I have to tell you something. Please don’t freak out. I’m HIV positive.” Dale paused at hearing Leo disclose his status. “I’m undectable. I don’t know if you know what that means, but I feel like you should know about my HIV status.” Dale nodded and sat back on his legs.
“It means that your risk of transmitting it is lowered, is that correct?”
“Yes. I mean that’s what I understand. I have read a lot about it, but I’ve never known anyone positive. We can wear a condom. But you just need to know before we go any further.”
Dale looked at him deeply. “Thank you for telling me, but I’m not sure I’m comfortable fucking you even with a condom. Matter of fact I have to go.”
Leo froze stunned by what had just happened. Why did this always happen? He should have never disclosed his status. It always turned people away and it was killing him slowly on the inside, chipping away at his identity with each rejection.
Dale dressed, unlocked the deadbolt, and slowly opened the door and slipped out the crack. He was gone.
Leo sat there on his bed tears welling at the corner of his eyes, determined not to cry. He wasn’t sad. He was frustrated. He sat up and reached in the small fridge and grabbed a bottle of vodka, unscrewed the cap, and took a long swig before choking and swallowing. He wiped the vodka from his lips and exhaled deeply slowly recovering from the cheap vodka’s burn. He took another swig and sat down on his bed still naked, legs folded with his bottle, and grabbed his laptop.
If you liked this very short story, let me know by liking, sharing, or commenting. I might be willing to take Leo on a longer adventure with you.
HopeAgainstAIDS by ~WaleedAlMalki
Road Blocks in our Quest to Building Better, Smarter, and Educated Community
I have been working with my organization for the past couple of months developing strategies to continue to do online outreach to men who have sex with men (MSM). Part of that strategy involves a marketing campaign that educates men on the risk associated with their sexual behavior. We received a grant that went from a 4 year grant with a 4 year plan to a 2 year grant on a 4 year plan. We have less time to accomplish what we have set out to do due to cuts.
Part of our strategy has been to track and see how many people are using our resources through social media and how many of those men came in to get an HIV test. In addition, my wingman and I have been developing a video blog that helps address the questions of men in our community around sex and HIV. Unfortunately we have been put to a halt. In order to post any Ads or any sort of media to the community it must be reviewed for the board and then sent to be signed by the Lieutenant Governor of Montana. This is a timely process that will eat away at our time on our grant reducing the effective data we would be able to present. The CDC and many of the rural states in this region have been really curious to see how well we can make this work.
We only have one surviving gay bar in Montana. The majority of hookups in Montana are on the internet through websites such as Adam4Adam, Craigslist, Manhunt, etc. A lot of what I have envisioned for this project is creating a culture online that supports HIV testing regularly and understands the importance of being undetectable and knowing your status. Part of that strategy involves using the language of the community and keeping the language around sex exciting and positive (in attitude).
I fear that this red tape will severely cripple our program and become too time consuming to push forward with conservatives in the State that would much rather just have this problem “disappear” because it’s not really their “problem”. The trouble is where the money is spent. Every time we spend money on this program for things that will be given to the public, it needs to be reviewed at the state and again signed by our Lt. Gov.
There is one way around this problem. My friend and I could continue to work on our project, but we would have to do it without the logos and support from our organization. That being said, we need that organization to help us with the costs of buying the equipment necessary to record and edit our work. Even if we took this project solo, we would not be able to link our videos or our marketing to any of the Gay Men’s Task Force without prior approval from said higher ups.
This baffles me. I understand the red tape and what its purpose is, but outreach has always been a grass roots effort. Look at how the AIDS epidemic from the 80’s found support—through activism. We need support from the government, but we can’t have them holding up the evolution of our communities with this disease. Current numbers are suggesting that conventional condom-based, abstinence-based methods not curbing the epidemic. The only feasible way to get a hold of this situation is to get back into the communities and foster healthy attitudes about sex and HIV. This will help reduce the fear associated with lack of knowledge that runs deep here in Montana among ALL communities. The reduction of fear and the education piece will help battle the stigma that prevents people from seeking out HIV testing and information regarding what their risk is, while allowing HIV positive people to rejoin the communities without being ostracized from the movement.
These kinds of attitudes in the State, who fear rebuttals from conservatives with pens and no return addresses, harms our community and forces us back in the closet and snuffs out healthy conversation that is honest and straight forward. The State will, inevitably, sanitize our movement. We don’t need to be sanitized, this is the language of our community. It may be vulgar, crass, and overly descriptive at times, but these kinds of messages find their audience. We want to test the barebackers. We, of course, test those that wear condoms, but the risk lies in barebacking. We need to get those people in for tests and have conversations with them about lowering their risk as most of them have abandoned the idea of condoms altogether. In order to get to that community, we have to relate to that community and use their language so that they feel they can have an honest conversation without the fear of rejection or judgement.
The bareback community reminds me a lot of the injecting drug user communities. Often times these communities are seen as the “untouchables” in our communities and associating with either one of them is socially taboo. Barebacking has become a taboo pathogenic course of action in society, but we still know that this behavior isn’t unusual! Bareback sex is natural. People do it. It is not without risk, but people still drive cars without seatbelts right? We still tsk at these people who get in accidents for not wearing their seatbelts, but if they survive we don’t shun them for the choices that they have made. I’m sure those people have enough to worry about and having support is incredibly important for these people to get back on their feet. Not with barebackers.Let them deal with the consequences of their own disease.
Where does this stigma come from? It’s coming from under educated persons and conservative rhetoric without being checked against the facts and without looking at its effects on the MSM community. We aren’t telling people not to use seatbelts. We are asking for their attention,
“Hey do you like driving without a seatbelt?—if so here are some things you can do to reduce your risk of injury (drive slower, drive during low traffic times, don’t drive drunk and forget your seatbelt)."
But too much of that can be twisted by these conservative thinkers that are saying we are encouraging that behavior by supporting them in their choices (maybe even celebrating their behavior—if so why not, we are all free to make our own choices right?) Gah! Why can’t the Government keep its hands out of our sex life? Regulating sexual behavior has proven to be nothing but trouble on so many levels.
“We don’t want to expose our children to those kinds of things until they are old enough to know.” Well then this falls on the parents. How often does a parent or parents really dig into conversation about sex with their children? Not enough. I grew up in a house that supported open dialog about sex, as do many others. I see the fear that people have, but a lot of this comes from parents who won’t take the initiative and be adults and parents to their children. It is a parents job to say, this comes with risk and this could be dangerous. But often times parents become lazy and complacent about educating their children because they trust the schools and the government to teach them for them (it’s less awkward that way and that's why we pay them). The education that the State is giving our children is sub-par. Ask any teacher in this nation what they think of the education system especially Sex Ed. I’m sure that you will find many that agree we could do more if we are more honest.
I won’t even touch on morality, because that is far too subjective for argument. I will only say that our current “moral” standard for regulating HIV involves not having sex. That’s not happening. It won’t happen. It can’t happen. Individuals have too much agency in their sex lives to avoid risky behaviors.
Stand Back and Get Out of Our Way! We Have Work To Do!
*As a consequence I will have to remove the flyers of the retreat that I have posted as it has the logo for the organization I'm working for.
This movie is a little dated, but it really struck me in a very personal way. I can identify with a lot of the men in this film. That being said, there are some rather obnoxious characters that really set an insidious tone to the film. What struck me was their candid expressions of their experiences. I think a lot of people could relate to some of those feelings here in Montana. There's a longer version on YouTube. Doing a search for the term "bareback documentary" will more than likely give you enough options to choose from. I might expand on my thoughts on this film in a later post and my own experience with what these young men experienced.
This is very clever. I like the potential for this.
Critical Thinking and Drafting of The Bottom Line: Social Media Based Intervention
Drafting
I think tomorrow after some sleep I will write about being Sex Positive and my strategy building this unique intervention.