I WISH YOU’D STAYED .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・
summary: jacob never meant to hurt you, but that didn’t change the fact that he always put bella first. when you finally walk away, he’s forced to face the weight of his mistakes—and the unbearable agony of being separated from his imprint. as the distance between you grows, so does his desperation to make things right. but after everything, will it be enough to fix what he broke?
pairing: jacob black x fem!reader
word count: 4,8k
warnings/notes: ANGST! heavy argument, being second place, bella mentioned, being taken for granted, imprint!reader, yearning, tears, desperate jacob, happy ending
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it had been a perfect day—one of those rare, golden moments where the world outside didn’t exist, where nothing mattered except the warmth of jacob’s arms wrapped around you and the quiet, easy rhythm of his laughter.
the rain had started in the afternoon, a soft drizzle tapping against the windows, turning the world outside into a blur of gray. but inside jacob’s small house, there was only warmth. the crackling heat from the fireplace, the feeling of his hand lazily tracing patterns over your skin as you lay curled against his chest on the couch, his heartbeat steady beneath your ear.
for once, there was no weight of responsibility on his shoulders, no sudden interruptions pulling him away. it was just you and him, wrapped in the quiet comfort of each other.
jacob had promised you tonight.
no distractions. no interruptions. just the two of you.
and for a little while, you let yourself believe that promise.
you should have known better.
the sharp chime of his phone cut through the peaceful quiet, and you felt the shift before you even saw the name on the screen. jacob tensed beneath you, his muscles going rigid, the warmth of his touch suddenly absent as he reached for the phone.
“jake,” you murmured, a quiet plea, but it was already too late.
you saw the name before he even answered.
bella.
your stomach twisted, a sick, sinking weight settling in your chest.
jacob sighed, running a hand through his already-messy hair, and you could hear it in the way he said her name—softer, gentler, laced with a concern so automatic it felt like instinct.
“bella?”
you swallowed hard, trying to ignore the way your hands curled into fists against your lap, the way the warmth of his body against yours suddenly felt so far away.
you tried to block it out. tried to focus on the lingering touch of his hand on your knee, on the way his body still rested against yours. but the moment stretched too long, his attention already slipping, his focus already elsewhere.
“what happened?” his voice was sharper now, all ease gone, his posture straightening. his brows knitted together in concern as he listened, jaw tightening with every second that passed.
then, without hesitation, he stood.
your heart dropped.
“where are you?”
a heavy silence. then a breath, sharp and determined.
“i’ll be right there.”
he was already moving, already reaching for his keys, and something inside you cracked.
“jake?” your voice barely came out, quiet and fragile, but he didn’t hear it.
or didn’t want to hear it.
you forced yourself to stand, your heartbeat ringing in your ears. “jacob.”
this time, he stopped. not fully—his hand was still on the doorknob, his body angled toward the exit—but he turned just enough to glance at you.
“she needs me,” he said simply. like that was all the explanation you needed.
the words settled deep in your chest, cutting deeper than they should have.
you took a breath, trying to steady yourself. “and i don’t?” your eyes were desperately searching for his. “you promised—”
jacob’s expression faltered for just a second, something like guilt flickering across his face, but he shook his head. “y/n, this isn’t about you.”
your lips parted, a sharp, bitter laugh slipping out before you could stop it. “isn’t it?” the hurt in your voice cracked through the air like a whip, and jacob finally looked at you—really looked at you.
but it wasn’t enough.
because you could already see the outcome.
you could see it in the way he was still standing by the door, in the way he hadn’t sat back down, hadn’t reached for you, hadn’t once considered staying.
his choice had already been made.
“i just—she’s upset,” he tried again, running a hand over his face. “she needs someone.”
“she always needs someone,” you shot back, your voice trembling. “and somehow, it’s always you.”
jacob let out a breath, frustration evident in the way his shoulders tensed. “it’s not like that.”
“then what is it like, jacob?” you shook your head, your hands trembling at your sides. “because from where i’m standing, it feels a whole lot like every time she calls, i stop existing to you.”
his lips parted, but no words came.
and that was the worst part—he didn’t deny it.
didn’t try to convince you otherwise.
because maybe, deep down, he knew you were right.
the air between you felt suffocating, heavy with everything unsaid, with months—years—of this same unspoken battle. and maybe, if this had been the first time, you could have let it go.
but it wasn’t.
and you were so, so tired.
you swallowed hard, your voice quiet now. “stay.”
jacob’s brows furrowed, something pained flickering in his dark eyes.
you stepped closer, reaching for him, your fingers grazing the fabric of his shirt. “stay,” you whispered again. “just this once.”
for a split second, he hesitated.
for a moment, you saw the war in his eyes, the battle waging between duty and something else—something softer, something that was supposed to belong to you.
you held your breath, waiting.
but he reached for his keys.
and you exhaled, shattered.
the answer was clear.
it had always been clear.
jacob didn’t say anything as he opened the door, stepping out into the cold night, the rain still falling in a steady, relentless rhythm.
you stood there, frozen, watching as he disappeared into the dark.
and you already knew how this night would end.
the rain lashed against the windows, turning the night outside into a cold, howling blur. the sound should have been soothing, a soft rhythm against the glass, but tonight, it only made the walls feel smaller, the space between you and jacob suffocating. his small house, what once had been a place of warmth and quiet affection, now had become a battlefield.
you stood in the center of the living room, arms crossed tightly over your chest, willing yourself not to shake. not to let him see just how deep the hurt had buried itself. but the storm outside was nothing compared to the one inside you.
jacob stood a few feet away, his damp hair still sticking up in disarray from running a frustrated hand through it. his breathing was heavy, his chest rising and falling as he struggled to contain whatever was boiling beneath his skin. the heat of his body, the energy of him, should have been reassuring—but tonight, it burned.
“you’re overreacting,” he said, his voice edged with exhaustion, like you were nothing more than a problem he needed to fix. like he couldn’t understand why this was hurting you so much.
a bitter laugh escaped before you could stop it, sharp and humorless. “overreacting?” you shook your head, blinking hard. “jacob, she calls, and you run. every single time.”
his jaw clenched. “she’s my friend, y/n.”
“she’s your priority,” you snapped, your voice cutting through the air like a blade. “no matter what we’re doing, no matter how many times you promise me that this—” you gestured between the two of you, the bond that was supposed to mean everything, “—comes first, the second she needs you, i stop existing.”
jacob’s hands curled into fists at his sides, the tendons in his arms flexing as if he was holding himself back. his nostrils flared, and he exhaled sharply, shaking his head. “that’s not true.”
you let out a hollow laugh, barely able to look at him. “it isn’t?” the words cracked, raw and exposed. “god, jacob, do you even realize how humiliating this is? to be your imprint and still feel like i’ll never be enough?”
his face twisted like you had struck him, but you didn’t stop. you couldn’t.
“i love you,” you whispered, and for the first time, saying it didn’t feel sweet—it felt like an open wound, fresh and gaping. “but i can’t keep doing this. i can’t keep watching you put her above me, above us.”
jacob let out a ragged breath, stepping forward like he wanted to close the space between you, but you backed away. his expression crumbled, desperation flickering in his dark eyes.
“y/n,” he rasped, his voice softer now, less sharp—pleading. “please. try to understand. it’s not like that.”
you forced yourself to hold his gaze, even as your vision blurred with tears. “then tell me what it is, jacob,” you whispered. “tell me why she always comes first. why you never think about how this makes me feel. why—” your voice broke, and you swallowed hard. “why i feel like i have to fight for a place in your life when i’m supposed to be your imprint.”
jacob’s face twisted with anguish, his hands gripping his hair as he let out a frustrated groan. “i don’t know how to explain it,” he admitted, voice thick with something you couldn’t quite name. “i never wanted to hurt you—i swear, i didn’t. i love you, y/n. you know that.”
you inhaled sharply at his words, at how they sounded more like an apology than a reassurance. “then show me,” you whispered. “because right now, it doesn’t feel like love, jacob. it feels like i’m waiting for you to actually see me.”
jacob’s breathing was uneven, his chest rising and falling too quickly. he looked at you like he was unraveling, like he was on the edge of something that terrified him. “you are everything to me,” he said, his voice hoarse. “you don’t get it—i feel you in every part of me. you’re the first thing i think about when i wake up, and the last thing before i—” his voice broke, and he shook his head, like he was trying to force himself to stay together. “i can’t lose you.”
his words made your heart ache, made something deep inside you want to give in—to believe him. but words weren’t enough. not anymore.
“you don’t have to lose me,” you whispered. “you just have to choose me.”
jacob’s expression shattered, his body physically flinching as if the weight of your words had struck him straight through the chest. his hands trembled at his sides, his whole frame tense like he wanted to reach for you—like he wanted to grab onto you and never let go.
but he said nothing.
and silence had never hurt so much.
you took a trembling breath, the realization settling deep in your bones. “i deserve more than this,” you whispered. “and i think—deep down—you know that too.”
jacob’s entire body went rigid, his breath coming out in shallow, uneven bursts. “y/n, please,” he murmured, stepping forward, but you took another step back.
tears blurred your vision as you shook your head. “i can’t be second anymore, jacob.”
the storm raged on outside, the wind screaming through the trees, but the real storm was in his eyes—in the way he looked at you like he was falling apart, like he wanted to grab hold of you but didn’t know how. he had never looked more desperate, never looked more like he wanted to fight for something—but it was too late.
with one last look at him, at the pain written all over his face, you turned.
you didn’t wait to see if he would follow.
and somehow, knowing that he didn’t hurt the most.
the days blurred together, heavy and cold, despite the summer air hanging thick in forks. you had done everything to put distance between you and jacob—ignoring his calls, avoiding la push, staying home as much as possible. even your parents noticed something was off, the worried glances lingering longer than usual, but you couldn’t bring yourself to explain. how could you? how could you tell them that the boy who was supposed to love you, the one who was bound to you in ways deeper than words, had made you feel like you were nothing?
so you buried yourself in the isolation, letting it wrap around you like armor. but no matter how hard you tried, the ache in your chest never eased. the imprint was a cruel thing, tethering you to him, making it impossible to sever the connection completely. you could still feel him—like an invisible thread pulling, tugging, aching.
and jacob?
jacob was drowning.
at first, he told himself he could handle it. that you just needed space, time to cool off. you would come back once you calmed down—once you realized that what you had was stronger than a single fight. that’s what he told himself, over and over again, as the days crawled by.
but the imprint had other plans.
it didn’t let him escape the truth. the bond that had once felt unbreakable, like a safety net woven from something deeper than love, now felt like a wound that refused to heal. an open, raw ache in the center of his chest that never dulled. every second without you felt wrong—like something essential had been ripped from him, leaving only the empty space where you were supposed to be.
then came the pain. not just his own, but yours.
the imprint tethered him to your every emotion, and your heartbreak hit him like a punch to the ribs. it wasn’t sharp or fleeting. it was constant. a lingering sorrow that coated everything, suffocating, inescapable.
he felt it when you curled up in bed at night, staring at the ceiling with the same exhaustion he carried. he felt it when you ignored every call, every text, each one sending another wave of desperation crashing over him. he felt it in the way your heartbeat changed when you saw his name on your phone—and in the way you refused to answer.
sleep became impossible. every time he closed his eyes, all he could see was your face the night you walked away. the way your voice had broken. the way you had trembled, not with anger, but with hurt.
and worst of all? it was his fault.
he had caused this.
he would lie in bed, staring at the ceiling, feeling every ounce of your heartbreak as if it were his own. he would reach for his phone, fingers hovering over your name, but he knew. you weren’t ready. you weren’t waiting for him to say sorry—you were waiting to see if he would change.
the pack noticed almost immediately.
at first, they thought he was just sulking—jacob had never been one to handle emotions well, especially when it came to his imprint. but as the days stretched into weeks, it became impossible to ignore.
“you look like shit,” paul said bluntly one night, arms crossed as he watched jacob push his untouched plate of food away.
jacob didn’t even have the energy to snap back.
quil and embry weren’t much better—watching him like he was a bomb about to go off. “you should talk to her,” embry suggested carefully, choosing his words like one wrong move would set jacob off. “fix things.”
jacob let out a bitter laugh. “she won’t even look at me.”
“that’s because you fucked up,” leah cut in, unimpressed with his self-pity. “and you know it.”
her words stung, but they were nothing compared to the guilt already eating away at him.
seth, the only one who seemed remotely sympathetic, shifted uncomfortably. “she’s your imprint, man. that has to mean something to her. if you just—”
“if i just what, seth?” jacob snapped, his voice harsher than intended. “say i’m sorry? tell her it won’t happen again? you should’ve seen her that night… i made her feel like she was nothing. that’s not something you just… fix.”
silence.
the weight of his own words settled in his chest like a stone. and that realization hit him harder than anything else.
for the first time, jacob was forced to sit with what he had done. to look back on every time he had left you mid-conversation to answer bella’s call. every time he had seen the flicker of hurt in your eyes and ignored it. every time he had told himself that you would understand—that you would always understand.
he had taken you for granted. and now, he was paying the price.
it wasn’t enough to say you mattered. he had to show you.
days turned to weeks, and jacob forced himself to change. to put action behind his words. he stopped chasing bella’s shadow. he stopped making excuses. and most importantly, he accepted that losing you—really losing you—was not something he was willing to let happen.
the next time bella called, he let it ring. and ring. and ring. the phone buzzed against the wood of his nightstand, vibrating with insistence, but he didn’t move. didn’t reach for it like he always did. the act felt unnatural—like breaking a habit he hadn’t even realized he had formed. but for the first time, he chose not to run to her.
instead, he sat in the quiet and thought of you.
he thought of your laughter, the way it used to wrap around him like warmth on a cold day. he thought of your stubbornness, the fire in your eyes when you stood your ground. he thought of the way you had always been there, always understanding, always waiting.
he had made you wait long enough.
so, one evening, as the sun dipped below the trees, jacob found himself standing outside your house, his hands trembling at his sides. he hadn’t seen you in what felt like forever, he had no idea if you would even open the door. the imprint was screaming at him to fix it, to hold you, to make it right.
but this time, he knew better.
taking a deep breath, he knocked.
would you open the door? would you listen? he didn’t know.
but for the first time, he wasn’t just desperate to get you back— he was ready to earn you.
the knock echoed through the silent house, sharp and insistent against the quiet.
you heard it instantly, but you didn’t move.
you knew who it was.
for weeks, you had felt jacob just beyond your reach—the imprint a constant, aching presence, tugging at you like a phantom limb. his absence wasn’t truly absence. it was a weight, pressing against your ribs, making it hard to breathe.
and yet, you had stayed away.
because every time you thought about him, all you could hear was the echo of your own voice breaking as you told him you couldn’t do it anymore. that you wouldn’t be second. and begging him to stay. to finally choose you.
another knock—louder this time, more urgent.
you swallowed hard, tightening your grip on the fabric of your sleeves, nails digging into your palms. he wouldn’t leave. you knew that. but opening the door meant facing him, meant seeing him—jacob, and everything he had put you through.
a ragged, shuddering breath came from the other side. then, his voice—low, hoarse, pleading.
“y/n… please.”
the sound of him nearly brought you to your knees.
jacob black never begged. never. he had always been too stubborn, too reckless, too sure of himself. but now, his voice cracked under the weight of something raw, something broken.
you squeezed your eyes shut, trying to steel yourself. but then he spoke again, and this time, his words came out uneven, trembling.
“i know i don’t deserve for you to open this door.” a sharp exhale. “i know i don’t deserve your forgiveness.” his voice wavered, barely above a whisper. “but please… just let me say what i need to say.”
the imprint was relentless, pulling at you, forcing you to feel him. his desperation. his regret. the depth of his pain, tangled with your own. it was unbearable. you hated how deeply you felt him, how much your heart still reached for him even after everything.
because no matter how much he had hurt you, no matter how much you had tried to shut him out…
you had missed him.
more than you wanted to admit.
your body moved before your mind fully decided.
slowly, hesitantly, you pushed yourself to your feet, your pulse thrumming beneath your skin. every step toward the door felt heavier than the last, dread and longing intertwining in your chest.
your hand hovered over the doorknob. you hesitated.
you had spent weeks trying to sever the connection in your mind, convincing yourself that love—real love—wasn’t something you had to beg for. that if jacob had truly wanted you, if you had really meant as much to him as he claimed, then he wouldn’t have spent so long making you feel like you were just a placeholder.
and yet…
you exhaled shakily and pulled the door open.
jacob stood there, looking wrecked.
he wasn’t just tired. he was hollowed out.
his usually warm brown skin was paler than normal, his dark circles so deep they looked bruised. his hair was an unkempt mess, sticking to his forehead from either sweat or rain—maybe both. and his lips were parted, his breath catching at the sight of you like he had just been punched in the gut.
for the longest time, neither of you spoke.
then, jacob exhaled a sharp, shuddering breath. his hands were clenched into fists at his sides, shaking with restraint. “y/n,” he rasped, voice raw, “please.”
you swallowed. the weeks of silence between you had been long and unbearable, but jacob? he looked like he hadn’t survived them at all.
still, your voice was quiet, guarded. “what are you doing here?”
jacob sucked in another breath like he was trying to steady himself. but it didn’t work. his control was crumbling, desperation bleeding into every part of him. “i couldn’t—i can’t—” he broke off, running a shaking hand through his hair before stepping forward just a fraction, catching himself before he got too close.
his restraint made your chest ache.
jacob had never hesitated before.
“i don’t know how to exist without you.” the confession tore from him, desperate and hoarse, like he had been carrying it for weeks. “i thought i could—i thought maybe if i gave you space, if i let you have what you needed—” he let out a ragged, self-loathing laugh. “but it’s killing me, y/n. i feel like i’m dying.”
you clenched your jaw, willing yourself to stay firm.
but then jacob did something he had never done before.
he fell to his knees.
right there, on your porch, in the dim evening light.
and when he looked up at you—god—his eyes were glassy, filled with nothing but agony and pleading. “i fucked up,” he choked out, his voice wrecked beyond repair. “i fucked up so bad.”
the weight of his pain crushed into you through the imprint, drowning you in it. you gripped the edge of the door, suddenly struggling to breathe.
“i didn’t see it,” he whispered, shaking his head. “i swear i didn’t see what i was doing to you. i thought—” he let out another broken laugh, his hands trembling where they rested on his thighs. “i thought you’d always be there. i thought you knew how much i loved you, even when i—” his breath hitched. “even when i made you feel like you weren’t enough.”
you sucked in a sharp breath.
because that was the wound that had festered most.
not that he had put bella first. but that, in doing so, he had made you feel like less.
“but i get it now. i get why you left. i get why you needed space. and i know—” his voice cracked, and he sucked in a trembling breath. “i know i don’t deserve another chance. but i swear to you, y/n… i won’t make the same mistake again.”
you clenched your jaw, your emotions warring inside you.
because damn him. damn him for finally getting it.
jacob had always been passionate—fiery and stubborn and reckless. but this? this was something else entirely.
this was raw.
this was jacob black, broken at your feet, choosing you in the way he should have from the beginning.
and yet… you hesitated.
“why now?” you whispered.
jacob blinked, his brows furrowing.
“why did it take me leaving for you to realize?” your voice wavered, thick with the weight of everything he had put you through. “why did i have to walk away for you to see me?”
pain flickered across his face.
then, he did something that nearly stopped your heart.
he reached for you—hesitant, unsure—fingers barely brushing over the back of your hand before pulling away like he didn’t deserve to touch you.
“because i was a selfish idiot,” he whispered. “because i took you for granted. because i thought—” he inhaled deeply, his gaze locking onto yours with something desperate, pleading. “i thought I had all the time in the world with you. and i was so, so wrong.”
your breath hitched.
jacob clenched his jaw, his hands fisting in his lap. “but i choose you, y/n. i choose you.” his voice was thick, unsteady. “not because of the imprint. not because i need you to fix me.” he sucked in a breath, his eyes locking onto yours with something devastatingly real. “but because i love you.”
your heart stuttered.
jacob had said those words before. but never like this.
never with this much certainty.
never with this much desperation.
your fingers twitched at your side, your eyes looking at him—at his sleepless eyes, at the way his hands shook at his sides— and you realized something.
you had left to protect yourself.
but he had changed to earn you back
slowly, cautiously—you reached for his hand.
jacob inhaled sharply as your fingers brushed against his—his entire body freezing before exhaling a shuddering breath, like he had just been pulled from drowning. when you finally intertwined them, he let out a strangled sound, squeezing yours like he was terrified you’d slip away again.
“don’t make me regret this,” you whispered, your voice barely above a breath.
jacob let out something between a laugh and a sob, his forehead nearly pressing against your knee from where he knelt. “i won’t,” he swore, his voice shaking. “i swear, y/n—i won’t.”
your fingers curled around his, hesitant but firm, and jacob’s breath caught in his throat as you carefully pulled him inside.
and then, to your utter shock—jacob let out a choked sob.
it wasn’t loud. it wasn’t dramatic. it was the kind of broken, helpless sound that came from someone who had been barely holding themselves together, someone who had been standing on the edge of a cliff for weeks, waiting to fall.
his free hand shot up, hovering near your waist—so close, but not touching. he was waiting.
“can i—” his voice was wrecked, thick with emotion. “can i hold you?”
your heart clenched at the raw vulnerability in his voice. your walls cracking just a little more.
jacob black—who had never hesitated to pull you into his arms before, who had always touched before thinking—was asking.
jacob was holding himself back, his body so tense he was practically shaking, like he was afraid one wrong move would scare you away again.
wordlessly, you nodded.
his arms wrapped around you so tightly it almost knocked the air from your lungs, his body folding into yours with a desperation that nearly brought you to your knees. his face buried against your neck, and you felt the wetness of his tears as he let out a shuddering breath.
his arms tightened, his whole body curling around you, as if trying to shield you from anything that could take you away from him again.
“god,” he rasped, his breath hot against your skin. “god, i missed you so much. i—” his voice cracked, and he pulled back just enough to look at you, his hands framing your face like he needed to see you, to memorize you. his thumbs brushed over your cheekbones with the softest reverence. his breath was still uneven, his eyes still red-rimmed and wrecked, but there was something else there, too.
hope.
and then—before you could process it—his lips were on yours.
the kiss was desperate.
not soft. not hesitant. it was raw, unrestrained—starved.
jacob kissed you like he was drowning and you were the only thing keeping him afloat, like he was trying to pour every ounce of regret, every moment of suffering, into that one moment. his hands shook where they held you, and his breath came in short, uneven gasps between kisses, like he was trying to say something but couldn’t find the words.
when he finally pulled back, his forehead pressed against yours, his eyes squeezed shut. his breath was still uneven, still shaky.
“i love you,” he whispered, voice barely above a breath. “i love you so much.”
you swallowed hard, fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt, feeling the way his heart pounded against his ribs—too fast, too frantic.
for the first time, you weren’t just hearing his words.
you were feeling them.
and as his arms wrapped around you, holding you as if he’d never let go, the space between you disappeared completely.
wow. this is amazing
