Leaves of Change @storm-in-teacupgurrl - Tumblr Blog

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beardedmrbean

theman

I GOT A FUCKING RAISE THE POTATO WORKED WTF

tattooedzombigirl

This potato works. Every. Fucking. Time.

imanutcase-10

Then bring me luck

thirddeadlysin

the day after I posted this last time I was notified that I was selected for a really cool mentorship gig and got an unrelated glowing review at work

f0rbidden-forest

as-warm-as-choco

ovls

In the heart of d(e)arkness

willow

mood

killue

realizing u have to wake up again tomorrow and the next day and the day after that:

almightyzig-deactivated20251230

Hypersensitiveconsciousness

When you drink a diet coke and can FEEL, on a cellular level, the damage being inflicted on your body.

Would you ducfuck a follower?

is this davidson

Physical Adaptation

If exhausting physical labor demanded from workers pre industrial revolution was the plight of the masses then, prolonged screen exposure is the plight now.

Hello AGAIN

So....writing is difficult. Writing consistently even more so. In the last 2 months, my living situation unexpectedly changed and the access to wifi was abolished with said change.

But I’m back and plugged in on the grid and want to pick up writing once again.

A few things that have happened in 2017 thus far:

-Moved to 3 different houses within 4 months (I’m really making up for being practically immobile for the first two decades of my life)

-My partner and I traveled to Hawaii during Chinese New Year and he came for a visit to Taiwan a few weeks ago

-Obtained a yoga studio membership (actually quite important to well being so it deserves to be recognized.

-I left AA (until further notice)

-Have really solidified my position as a reliable and long-term employee/English teacher at work

Also, I am coming up on the 6 month mark of the move to Taipei. A wide range of things could be said about that but for now, the old platitude fits well; I am so grateful.

Kind Eyed Stranger

Kind eyed stranger, protecting a federal vault

I try to make my gaze match yours, to bring the kindness back

You stand rigid and proud, in the small corner of your space

What’s weighing on your mind? Who is on your case?

How did the days string together, how did you land here

In front of my gaze, the object of inquisitive fear.

*I am brave*

wǒ ài nǐHa even typing the above felt uncomfortable, I had to dissociate the “I am” from myself and imagine a different persona.

I wonder why...because I don’t particularly think of myself as cowardly, at least not anymore. I definitely possessed a lot of fear as a child/early teenager and it largely defined my experience in middle and high school, but I don’t think I’m necessarily unique in that respect.

I’m going to leave this one alone for a bit because there are a lot of memories that float up that I don’t want to analyze or dwell on in this particular moment.

In other news, I wish I was participating in the Women’s March on Washington. Though sister marches are being organized all over the globe, Taipei isn’t hosting one unfortunately. I’m happy to not be absorbing the slew of fatalistic chatter and I have, for the most part, been very selective and guarded about the content of the news I consume while still maintaining a state of relative awareness on current events.

Yesterday my elementary students had their last day of English classes and are off to enjoy 3 weeks of winter vacation and celebrate Chinese New Year. That means my teaching hours are cut in half and I will be done with work at 3 pm instead of 6:30 until February 13th, which will be a welcome few extra hours of freedom and study/reading/Taipei discovery time. Last night I made my way to a concert venue and saw my first live show here in Taipei. The sound quality was excellent and the Asian crowd was SO subdued, and a pleasant surprise. Though my friend told me that Asians can get rowdy at concerts but the determining factor is the artist and as we saw an American electronic-indie-rock band from SF and not a Korean girl group, the crowd reflected the “chill” demeanor of the band itself. My height also afforded me greater comfort than the other less statured attendees.

I also can’t believe January is 2/3rds of the way over with! It’s historically been my least favorite month of year but 2017 January has had a different texture to it. Maybe it’s experiencing emotions fully or the new location or the accomplished age of 23 , but regardless it’s a pleasant change.

May the last third be full of hope and I hope the promise of a New Year still rings true to you.

wǒ ài nǐ

Liza

*I am exactly where I am supposed to be*

Simply because I am here, sitting in this particular chair, in this particular cafe, in this particular city, rather than anywhere else. Where else am I supposed to be?

I am so absurdly happy with my day to day existence here it’s almost unbelievable. I like being busy from 9 to 7, having a place to be and a job to do that I for the most part, am enjoying. That’s most likely the largest factor contributing to my high level of satisfaction. Although I think location and pay cannot be disregarded, for my enthusiasm may not have been as zealous if I were teaching in inner city Los Angeles. But I feel like I am living the life that I expected and wanted myself to have at 23 years old. I didn’t know the intricate details but the concept of being abroad for a prolonged amount of time has appealed to me for as long as I can remember.

Of course it took work and courage to get here, but even in those times of concern and anxiety and indecision, the goal was at the forefront of my mind and I had a deeper knowing and certainty that I would, at the very least, get on a plane to Taipei. Also, I can’t write these self- congratulatory averments without paying homage to my parents and their support (moral, financial, and otherwise) for the past two decades and in general filling up my passport with stamps to such an extent that traveling to 2-3 different countries in one year was THE NORM for me. And I don’t even have pilots for parents. They, in turn, have their parents and circumstances to thank and the record goes on back through an ancestry.com type of family tree. I’m a small piece of a gigantic, interwoven, complex fabric of relations and relationships, who just happens to be experiencing the evolution of her consciousness on an island in Asia.

Now time to study. Next place to be is in the A-100 class in DC.

wǒ ài nǐ

Liza

*our challenges are our greatest learning devices*

Day 2 of the Mantra Project presented me with this headline: our challenges are our greatest learning devices.

This one seemed a bit impersonal and overused, but I will try to derive a new insight or inspired thought. I like that the word “challenges” is used instead of problems or irritations or weaknesses. I don’t have problems. I have too many irritations, all of different breeds that surface out of swampy or dry, thin or thick air and tend to pass just as quickly as they arise. Weaknesses I don’t care for, either. Is the word interchangeable with “flaws”? If so, I will analyze those at a later time. Otherwise, my body and mind are relatively strong but life is fragile and weakness seems like too debilitating/belittling of a word that doesn’t take into account the tremendous opportunity that exists within looking at one’s weaknesses.

Excuse the last paragraph, it makes no sense and is rather pithy so let’s start over:

Clearly a part of growing up or simply being a conscious human past the age of 6 means being confronted with challenges, real or imagined. Challenges are akin to the geological forces at work when rocks go through a lifecycle, they mold and shape people in nearly literal ways and the larger the challenge the more consequential it’s impression on the target. Luckily, the major challenge of my life has little to do with my childhood or upbringing and has not ossified me beyond repair; although it has the ability to do so. As it currently stands, I can’t even remember the specific challenges I felt afflicted with a few year back. I’m sure I still carry residue from those times somewhere deep in the psyche, but the things that used to plague and give me nightmares then don’t even appear in my mental continuum now. Point being I not only survived but I feel certain that knowing the transient nature of most maladies helps me find the “learning device” within the challenges that come up these days.

Perhaps my first 23 years have been easy and I will start getting a continuous stream of black zebra stripes in my life from hereon out. And life surely (although by choice) gets tricker to navigate with passing years. But I feel lucky to have found out what my problem is early on and have been willing to change my manner of living to make sure it doesn’t overtake me so I can keep, or rather create, the life that I desire for myself.

Any challenges that come my way hereafter, then, I will choose to look at as little bitcoin-token-rare earth mineral-jewels to use to invest in myself and hopefully benefit other people by providing comfort and solidarity. Challenges are personal, but never unique in their nature or circumstance. The ability to handle stress is largely what determines how contended and productive people are as well, and those are two objects that motivate me because I share the same instinctual drives as the rest of the them.

It’s almost 10pm in Taipei and it’s been a busy but great Monday. My students are getting excited for Chinese New Year because they get a break for nearly a month and little do they know (or actually, some do) that I nearly match them in excitement because it’s the Year of the Rooster!!!

Hah no. I get to see Isaac next week in HAWAII and I don’t remember looking forward to a reunion as much as this one.

wǒ ài nǐ

Liza

Update, 1 month later.

Unbeknownst to me, the writer that resides inside this mind decided to take a month long hiatus. I missed documenting about my life in Taipei, however, and want to make it a steady and consistent habit (truly truly) so here I am, sitting inside of yet another cafe (new part of Taipei, though) on a rainy Saturday evening.

The 12th of January marked the second month anniversary of my move here! This city has been so good to me. Not only the city, but more importantly all of the people I have met here as well. I am known in the Xindian neighborhood, where I work. Meaning people recognize me! I get the same order of coffee in the morning from a 7/11 and one of the cashiers usually starts making it while I browse for other items to purchase. There is another toothless old man who runs a soup stand who always waves at me in an exaggerated manner and says (yells) “HELLO!” every time he sees me. Perhaps I should buy some clam soup from him as a sign of appreciation for his over-zealous greeting.

The people I socialize with the most-my coworkers-are also incredibly friendly and easy to get along with. I frequently ask Neve for her assistance if something needs to be translated and she has called salons to book services for me on numerous occasions. Olivia, the 26 year old girl from Texas is leaving a week before Chinese New Year to go on a 3 week trip around Thailand, Vietnam, and Cambodia with her husband for their honeymoon. I find my expectations and judgements to be constantly poked and proven wrong with her, more so than with anyone else. Reason being is that on paper she is an overweight Texan with various Christian insignia tattooed on her body who eats cheesecake for breakfast most mornings. And my bias automatically leads me to believe that her mental faculties will be less than luminary. Yet she’s actually incredibly sharp and has helped me a lot with questions regarding teaching. In general I think colleagues serve as good reminders that there are as many different opinions and lives being lived as there are people on earth, yet that tends to be overlooked because most of the people we surround ourselves with exhibit similar characteristics.

Anyways, I feel myself settling to life here and am feeling extremely comfortable. In fact I would say that has been my general disposition from the start. There’s a tight knit AA community here that I am a part of and I also attend meditation meetings once a week. I would say that I meet up with at least one new person per week on average and have been absolutely spoiling my taste buds with the various cuisine and tea/coffee options. This morning I went to an animal shelter and volunteered for 2 hours with two other girls by walking and feeding a few dogs (so many dogs not enough leashes and hands to hold them).

What else has occurred? I had one of the most memorable New Years celebrations of my life 2 weeks ago. The group I was with hiked in the mountains to a grassy area that had views of the city and we watched the fireworks blasting off from Taipei 101 and all over the urban landscape below us. I’m much more content and excited with my life this January than last January, to say the least.

It hasn’t been all tropical vegetation and auspicious signs in my tea leaves, of course. There have been some dark days here as well. My current living situation is depressing me and some drinking episodes have made life here very...human? But overall these aren’t really problems. I don’t think I have problems. I’ll find a new place to live and know that long term sobriety is and will be my path, as well. For now I am trying to keep a healthy balance between being 23 but feeling like an old, old, old, out of touch with her peers but in flow with the universe, soul.

wǒ ài nǐ

Liza

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