I.A (exams are kicking my ass, pls continue supporting skz and svt, be kind to yourself and others. Much love, nyx.)
Hi, I'm nyx.
+ she/her, Indian, cancerian, enfj
+ I love storms, science, han jisung and joshua
+ #my rain ⛈️ - I'll be thinking about you worldwide <3
+ ults (skz and svt)
+ masterlist (scrap)
+ I often take most of my dividers from @cafekitsune , check their lovely blog out ^-^
+ you might recognize me from the account, @dreamyyeosang, which was my account, but tumblr was a bitch and somehow blocked it from showing up in tags and searches.
+ #my evermore ♡- I want your midnights <3
+ requests are NOT open, I write solely driven by spontaneous 3 am motivation.
Synopsis. Soonyoung was scared of changes, he held onto the past like his life depended on it, replaying fond memories in hopes that it'll dim the fear of the future within him. He was terrified of changes, you weren't. Isn't that a perfect recipe for heartache?
Extra. it's been raining since morning, and although I love the rain I was in the mood to write something angsty. Warning, not proof read, so excuse the mistakes.
"You're leaving?"
His voice came out louder than soonyoung had expected it to, bouncing off the now moderately empty room
"Hi soon" came a tired reply from the girl standing with her back facing him, hands preoccupied with stuffing her clothes in the cream colored suitcase.
"You're leaving." He repeated his words, this time the confusion had left his tone.
"Yeah" she sighed. Soonyoung felt like his head would explode at the lack of information, he felt betrayed, hurt even. They were best friends. They were supposed to stick by each other till the very end. They were lovers, their love was supposed to decorate this one horse town with pretty shades of pink and lilac.
The dynasty soonyoung had imagined they'd build together slowly began to wobble as if it was built on paper.
"Yeah? Yeah?! Really? That's all i get?"
It was ludicrous. Incredibly ridiculous how she thought she could simply pack up and leave.
"I don't have anything else to say, soon"
He hated it. He hated how that nickname always made him weak, "of fucking course you don't. You never do!" It was as if a mist made up of pure anger and sadness was slowly clouding his mind causing him to lash out.
"I'm sorry" she replied placing her folded top into the suitcase,
Before she could say anything else soonyoung gripped her forearm, turning her around and staring deep into her eyes, "You're sorry? You say you're sorry but you don't sound sorry!" His grip fell slack the longer he stared into his favorite pair of eyes, helplessness was what he felt in that moment,
"What am I supposed to do soonyoung? I got accepted into my dream college, and the new session starts on monday" she turned around to finish folding her clothes leaving him flabbergasted.
"Then what am I supposed to do?! What meaning does this town hold if you're not here?!"
"Then move out with me," she held his hands abruptly and for a split second he thought everything would be okay with her warm hands holding his cold ones, he desperately wanted to believe everything would be okay, but he knew only fools would believe a lie as blatant as the one he had been repeating to himself, but then again maybe he was the fool.
"Move out with me, we'll find a place to stay in Seoul, you would find amazing dance academies there soon, so much better than the ones here." It was as if all the warmth had disappeared, and an ice cold bucket of water was being poured on him.
He ripped his hands out of hers, holding them close to his chest as if someone had physically hurt him, "I ... can't. I can't do that"
"Cmon soon!! what does this town have that Seoul doesn't?" He could hear it in her voice, the kind of tone she used only when she was desperate. A weird ache settled within sooyoung, knowing that she's hurting as much as he is but the only difference is that she wanted out, and he didn't.
She was always the go getter, chasing dreams left and right, running and running till she could no more, home held no meaning to her maybe because she never truly had one. But he recalled one late autumn afternoon when she had kissed him on the cheeks, softly whispering, "You're my only home" into his ears.
His blood rushed to his cheeks, and it was that same day he decided she was the one who built his paradise.
Ah, sweet ignorant bliss.
If only he could rewind time back to when they were young, dumb and careless.
"Why are you so desperate to leave! You grew up here for fucks sake, how can you just pack up and.... leave!" He yelled allowing the dam to finally break.
"Because I know I'd never achieve the things I want to if I stay here!" Her voice matched his own, "Yes, I grew up here and yes everything was fun while it lasted but we're growing up soonyoung" her voice now slightly above a whisper, tear filled eyes looking at him, "I can't stay here and I most certainly cannot spend my whole life living here, I could but I don't want to. I wouldn't be happy. This town means a lot to me, you mean a lot to me but..."
"But?" He repeated, hurt beyond explanation
She walked upto him, placing a gentle hand on his cheek, "i wouldn't be happy here"
He felt his own tears wet his cheeks, her gentle touch softly brushing them away, "Why?" He choked, "do I not make you happy?"
"Soon" she breathed, softly kissing his forehead. He let himself revel in the feeling, closing his eyes as if trying to engrain how her lips felt in the back of his mind. "You make me the happiest"
He could feel the contradictory words coming,
"But this place doesn't make me happy."
He should've known. Her heart and soul was too vagabond to be tied, and he didn't blame her, she was always meant for something big, even as a child she took the risks he was too afraid to even think of. He played it safe and she played with fire, he'd seen her get burned endless times but somehow she comes back with a stronger lust to be free.
From what? Soonyoung would never know.
Opposites attract they say, and soonyoung couldn't agree more.
"So you're going" He opened his eyes to see tears streaming down her face, but there was sparkle in her eyes as she nodded. He felt guilty, wanting her to stay here with him when she's obviously meant to be out there making a name for herself.
Soonyoung couldn't keep many promises and he didn't bother making them either, but he made one last winter, to keep her happy and he knew if he asked her to stay, all it would take would be some cajoling and she'd stay but he knew a piece of her would die
And who was he to keep her when she has already left? Her happiness had always meant more to soonyoung than his own
"I'm sorry"
He kissed her. Allowed himself just another moment of self indulgence. He felt that she owed her atleast this goodbye kiss. It was unlike any kiss they've shared, it wasn't light like the one they shared when leaving the school premises,
Or passionate like the one they shared in the bathroom of a party, or sensual like the one they shared last week.
It was sad. It was like a rose wilting slowly, loosing all it's beautiful vibrant color, petals withering were the only proof of it's once alluring existence. He'd remember her, he'd remember her even when he'd forget everything else. She was loved by everything he had within him,
He'd remember the way she smiled, the way she'd bite her lower lips whenever she got nervous, or how her hands shook when angry, or how soft her lips were.
He stepped away, the gentle twitch of her hand wanting to reach out to him didn't go unnoticed. She smiled while whipping her eyes, "soon, you were one of the best things that has happened to me"
"You were the only best thing that happened to me" He replied with an equally sad smile. He was halfway out her old bedroom when he stopped,
"You never knew when to stay" He concluded more to himself than to her, eyes meeting her puffy ones, she giggled mirthlessly, "and you never knew when to leave"
Perhaps there was a more deeper meaning to her words, but before he could figure it out, he walked out of that door, that house and onto the streets. It was pouring, and he found it fitting;
when it rains, it pours.
A/n. I'm self projecting at this point lol. The amount of people I've disappointed by telling them I wanted more is insane, but hey, it's my life, I'm the one who has to live it, might as well make it beautiful while I'm at it :)
Fuck everyone atp. Karina had to write a fucking apology letter for seeing someone??????? SM YOU'RE SO DONE. KPOP STANS YOU'RE SO DONE. I cannot believe we're still doing this in 2024. Im gonna fucking burn this world down. THERE ARE LITERAL SEX OFFENDERS, RAPISTS, CRIMINALS WALKING AROUND AND RELEASING MUSIC IN KPOP AND YOU HAD TO MAKE A GIRL APOLOGIZE FOR DATING??
This is what her apology should've sounded like : "hi. To all the pathetic incels, creeps and thirsty men pls get a life. I will date who ever the fuck i want to, i am not a doll you can control. Get a fucking job, contribute to the economy instead of sending trucks to my company. Fuck you"
Ong bae is back 🤩, by the time the fic is out I'd be dead and decaying in outer space 🤩🤩🤩💕, love the determination tho, im still in my writers block era😭😭
Some kpop stans are SO DAMN delusional that I have to physically bite my fingers from blowing them up online.
I really just want some idols *cough enhypen cough ZB1 cough every 4th gen group out there* to drop the fan service and just go rougue; start dating every other idol, cursing rude fans out, skipping fancalls, get married, have kids, sue those saesangs, just pull a complete 180. These creeps need to be thrown out A S A P.
I understand that kpop at the end of the day is what it always was, entertainment. And that idols are there to sing and dance for entertainment.
But isn't "call me mommy" "can i be your master?" Wearing a lingere to a fc, showing up with leashes and collars to fan meets, Taking it way too far??
What kinda messed up perception of entertainment are you projecting onto these idols, you freaks !
I need to know what kind of anger management classes these idols are taking because I could never. I would've done snatched their and their future children's wigs so fast. I'd gladly spend a night or a week in jail than let someone degrade and dehumanize me.
Some kpop stans are SO DAMN delusional that I have to physically bite my fingers from blowing them up online.
I really just want some idols *cough enhypen cough ZB1 cough every 4th gen group out there* to drop the fan service and just go rougue; start dating every other idol, cursing rude fans out, skipping fancalls, get married, have kids, sue those saesangs, just pull a complete 180. These creeps need to be thrown out A S A P.
I understand that kpop at the end of the day is what it always was, entertainment. And that idols are there to sing and dance for entertainment.
But isn't "call me mommy" "can i be your master?" Wearing a lingere to a fc, showing up with leashes and collars to fan meets, Taking it way too far??
What kinda messed up perception of entertainment are you projecting onto these idols, you freaks !
I'm turning the final pages of the year 2023, and I couldn't have been more nostalgic.
This year was nothing short of a roller coaster. From highs to lows to burnouts, I've experienced it all, so many mistakes made, so many lessons learned and yet I regret nothing.
I enjoyed this year, thoroughly. Being in my last year of high school I didn't think I'd make such good friends and establish such close bonds but I did. And suddenly going to school wasn't as scary as the thought of it all ending was. Covid fucked us all over so heavily but it also helped us reflect on who we really are, and somewhere lost in all the hassles of our daily lives was a kid wanting to live
I'm so glad I let that kid live this year, I let her breathe. Entering 2023 I was wary and scared of the changes it'd bring because let's face it, change is scary. But oh boy did that change embrace me wonderfully.
It helped me completely transform myself. I got my grades up, got acknowledged by all my teachers, started studying seriously for my college entrance exams, made friends, went on trips with them, laughed with them, cried with them, argued with them.
And suddenly 2023 didn't seem as scary as before.
So here's to another chapter that has ended, and to another one about to begin.
Thank you for treating me well 2023,
Au revoir and merci, 2023 🥀💕
A special thank you to my lifeline @kyeomyun , she's the reason I've come this far, and the reason I strive to excel and work hard each day. Thank you Jada, for letting my cry, rant, laugh and fangirl with you. Here's to another wonderful year, and here's to us. 💙
And for my beautiful and so utterly kind followers, :(( thank you sm for reading the shit I post. I couldn't have been more grateful and yall are the reason I get such ego boosts. 🤪😭😭. I mean waking up to someone spam liking or reblogging with keyboard smashes *IS* such an ego boost, is it not??! Please be happy and healthy in 2024 and continue to shine bitches.
Ik this year hasn't exactly been the kindest to you or svt but I'm so glad you got through it. You shine so bright and I hope you always shine this bright if not brighter. You're an inspiration to millions,
Grr I finished watching "night has come" and honestly, I feel a bit underwhelmed with the show. I mean, it was a nice show, with a gripping plot but I kinda guessed the ending maybe because I've read a skz fanfic with a similar plot...
There was little to no chemistry between the main leads, even tho I know that romance isn't the main genre but I'm only saying this since they were hinting at something between the two.
The ending too... just left me feeling wishy washy, I didn't like the ending tbh, but all in all it was nice, there were definitely some scenes that left me gapping like a fish out of water, however when compared to the other Korean thriller shows, this one left me feeling a tad bit disappointed.
Crying screaming throwing up isn't enough. I need to screech so loud I start to levitate because wtf was that ending. It emotionally scarred me. I wanna fucking jump off a cliff wth. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
