A little bit about me - a revert story
I reverted to Islam when I was 18 years old. Roughly 6 months prior, Allah SWT - the best of planners, put people in my life who not only were good examples of Islam but were of good character. Simple people, not showy, not self absorbed, just living to do good and please Allah SWT. Never did I think a summer job I got to make some extra cash before college would take the small inkling of suspicion I had growing up sitting in church wondering why we prayed to man, and open my eyes the truth of Islam. la ilaha illallah.Â
In the short span of 6 months, I would be convinced. Not because I sat mulling over it, not because I necessarily read the entire Qurâan before I decided. I was convinced by the kindness and compassion of others. I was convinced by their eagerness to do good and their reluctance to speak ill or pass judgement on others. The advice I was given shortly before, which I will never forget was: âJust do it, worry about everything after.â So, that is what I did. I took my shahada in December of 2016 with a close friend and her family.Â
Opening my heart to Islam was such an enlightening feeling, but it left me feeling somber as well. I didnât include my family on my journey. One could say I was a closeted Muslim. I was afraid that my choice would be a disruption to their lives, or worse yet break our relationship. So I said nothing, resolved to let my actions and behavior as a Muslim speak for the value of a religion. I had the benefit of being away at college to hide and continue to foster my deen. Because of school obligations I was rarely expected to come home and I took advantage of this to hide my new disdain for pork, going to church and praying to Jesus over meals. I thought, my parents are educated people they will notice eventually, nothing needs to be said. Over the course of 3 years I never once told my parents I was Muslim. They knew the majority of my college friends were muslim and that I wore turban hijab often. Iâm sure they saw my phoneâs location when I would go to the masjid late at night for youth Qiyam with my friends. But for some reason the threat that I would lose my family was unfathomable to me. I could fulfill my religious obligations, even tell strangers I was muslim, but not my family. I had heard the horror stories of other reverts to islam: families disowning their children, kicking them out, cutting them off, or worse being physically violent. I knew my parents wouldnât do this, but shaytaan would whisper, âyou never knowâ.
Reverting to Islam, as far as religious obligations, was easy. I was a modest kid growing up. I never drank or went to parties. I was studious and filal to my parents. It was definitely difficult to put on my hijab, and keep it on. Giving up the compliments about my physical appearance, my body and my hair in college was the hardest thing and the best thing I have ever done. Giving up vanity allowed me to appreciate me. There were many days that I felt ugly. Not that I wanted to wear clothes other girls were wearing per say, but I craved the attention and gratification that came along with wearing them. Islam allowed me to break free of the male gaze. Now, I wear clothes that make me feel beautiful both physically and spiritually, for me. There is a ease in submitting to Allah SWT and living to please him and not his creations.
Eventually, as I expected my parents did see the change in my behavior and suspected its source. I never had to say the words. They didnât change how they felt about me. Alhamdulillah, their love was truly unconditional. Honestly, this felt better than saying the words early on an having them misconstrue its meaning, associating the word muslim with any and all stereotype narratives peddled by mass media in the East and West. I didnât want them to worry. I didnât want them to think theyâd lost me.Â
Now at 22, I feel a fire to learn about Islam and what it means to be pleasing to Allah SWT - to start going above and beyond minimal effort. I donât think myself a scholar, but if this dunya is a test then surely the Qurâan and the hadith are the answer keys.Â
This blog will encompass my thoughts and reflections on finding and maintaining my journey on the straight path.
snowghoul
blakekathryn
dailybridgerton
romaincrisis
