Okay, I never post pictures of myself but today I had a major personal breakthrough.
Earlier this year, my boyfriend Aaron and I went to look around Victoria’s Secret and I saw a gorgeous orange bikini hanging up. He said it would look great on me and told me I should buy it, but instead I got upset, saying that “I don’t deserve to wear that bikini I don’t have the body for it.” He looked at me like I had just insulted his mother’s lasagna.
I’ve never liked my body in bikinis. Sure, I’ve felt sexy in nice outfits or even lingerie, but bikinis have been my worst enemy forever. I never felt pretty enough to be confident in one, so beach days were a nightmare and I would avoid pool parties at all costs. I didn’t believe stretch marks, thick thighs, and a belly were good accessories.
A couple months passed and I became obsessed with that bikini. I mentioned at dinner one night that if I got in shape and had smoother skin I would buy it, and Aaron looked me dead in the eye and said, “Tomorrow I am buying you that bikini and you’re going to wear it and look gorgeous like always.” I begged him not to, because I felt that my body wasn’t good enough, for a piece of clothing.
The next day he dragged me back to Vicky’s and told me not to come out of the fitting room until I realized I was sexy. I tried it on and stared at myself in the mirror, picking out every little flaw I saw. I came out bummed, but he smiled and grabbed it and paid an obscene amount of money for that damn orange bikini. I cried both because of how sweet a gesture it was and because I believed I didn’t deserve it due to my lack of a bikini body.
Fast forward three weeks to today. It was beautifully sunny out so I decided to finally wear the bikini and get some sun, but I avoided mirrors as I walked out to my backyard. After lying there for a while I started to notice how nicely the orange color popped against my caramel skin, and actually smiled.
When I came inside I felt a weird rush of confidence and bliss, so I flopped on the bed and snapped a few selfies just to see. The first ones blew me away, I almost didn’t recognize myself. I looked… good? So then I decided to pose like one of those models I always envied and I thought, “Wow… why was I ashamed of my stretch marks? They make me look like a sexy tiger! And look at these curves! Have I really always looked this beautiful?” And that was it, I had my bikini body.
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