⟢ Hello! We are a physically disabled DID system of 50+ identities just posting and reblogging whatever is on our mind. We are also autistic with BPD symptoms, so tone tags and clarification mean a lot to us. We are bodily 18. We collectively go by the name Stratus and one/ones + he/him + moon/moons + haze/hazes pronouns.
⟢ This blog was initially created to help us find canonmates--we do not consider this to be very helpful anymore and are not looking for canonmates--so please do not DM just to share timeline stuff. This blog now serves more as a space for any of us to share miscellaneous stories, system stories and some syscourse feelings, reblog pretty art and witty quips, and sometimes vent or reblog vents. We will try to appropriately tag vents with #vent and specific trigger warning tags when necessary. Tags including a name and emoji (e.g. #atlas 🥡) dictate specific identities' posts.
⟢ DNI: Basic criteria (transphobic, racist, ableist, etc.). Endogenic "systems" and their supporters. Minors under 16 years old. Less of a DNI and more of just. We generally won't interact.
[looking at people younger than me] you have your whole life ahead of you [looking at people older than me] you have your whole life ahead of you [looking at myself] its over
they put pussy in the water supply to keep the lesbians healthy
ⓘ Fact Check
There are currently no jurisdictions worldwide that mandate the addition of pussy to drinking water, nor have any clinical trials shown that the addition of pussy to drinking water has any significant effect on the heath of lesbians.
For more information on Tumblr Fact Check or to report inaccuracy, please see our reports page.
still living with my parents as an adult is just like. i'm grateful to not have to pay for groceries. i have to get out of here. i'm grateful to have a roof over my head and not have to pay rent. i have to get out of here. i'm grateful to not have to worry about sending out endless job applications that all lead to nowhere. i have to get out of here. i'm grateful i'm grateful i'm so fucking grateful. i have to get out of here
having audio processing issues is so humiliating like yeah i heard you and yeah i was actively listening but the problem is i dont know what the fuck you sayed
Does anyone else's system become more covert the less it's paid attention to? We started university recently, and now very rarely speak to others who know about/regarding our DID and it feels as if our system is retreating. More amnesia for amnesia (not realizing amnesia or switches), less sensing of other identities when co-fronting, more blurring and just feeling like a collective amalgamation, it's as if our brain is trying to retreat to singlet mode before we knew of our systemhood and it's doing numbers on our denial. I was curious to hear if anyone else has experienced this and what exactly you did/have done about it if you've experienced similar.
So, I got this anonymous ask, and I wanted to respond to it. As big blocks of texts with no paragraph spacing hurts my brain, I color coded it by how I’ll be responding to it. Text color on the image corresponds to the text color of my response. Also TW for violence, death, transphobia, and ableism. Ask below⬇️
Ok, let’s begin.
1: I’m not deciding how mentally ill people are based on how they present or act. In fact, I’m not deciding how mentally ill people are at all— I’m not a psychiatrist, and I’m not qualified for nor responsible for that.
2: Endos do hurt people. They are often anti-recovery, don’t encourage enough research before telling people they’re endogenic, some of them actively encourage people to “become plural” aka separate their personality states, which can be actively harmful to your mental health, and I’ve even seen some encouraging others to try to force dissociation. Furthermore, they spread misinformation and negative stereotypes to not only singlets but other systems and perpetuate the spreading trend of misconceptions in the online system community, a lot which also spread offline, as goes the spread of (mis)information a lot of the time.
3: it’s not about “looking bad”, it’s about an accurate description of the disorder being relayed.
1: yes, ableists will go after any systems, real or faking. Ableists are ableists, and having only real systems post wouldn’t stop that, because most of the ableists that specifically CDDs have the idea of a “perfect system” already in their mind and will fakeclaim anyone who doesn’t fit that mold. That doesn’t mean that those ableists don’t get their fuel a lot of the time from endogenic communities, and use that to target traumagenic systems. Either way, yes, ableism is bad. On that, at least, we can agree.
2: no one mentioned anything about cringe culture or stupidity. Cringe culture is dead, stupid people deserve grace to be educated or just ignored. I never claimed endos were either of these things.
3: I never claimed all endos had the same mindset, as that’s just plainly not true. Some endos claim non-disordered plurality, others claim to have CDDs without trauma. Some believe in willing their system into existence, some don’t. But, in the grand scheme of things, almost all are just people who saw systems online and thought it sounded fun and either got pulled into the community or actively chose to start faking. A lot of traumagenics/anti-endos I’ve talked to said they were convinced they were endogenic by the endogenic community online and later either found out that they were traumagenic or that they weren’t plural at all. I would never lump every endo together, nor would I target individual endos.
4: for someone apparently so against ableism, you sure do seem to have a very lax attitude towards using ableist language.
1: it’s not the same thing as the transtrender thing. Gender is an identity that is based on a social construct, and can change. You can transition into a different gender, and transgender people typically aren’t telling people “become transgender! You can will dysphoria into yourself!” You don’t need dysphoria to be transgender, because the biggest tell is the euphoria you get. Furthermore, you cannot “transition” into having a mental disorder. Frankly, it’s transphobic to imply that being transgender is a mental disorder, and it feeds into transphobic rhetoric.
2: people don’t wake up one day and “decide” to be transgender. They can decide how they want to present. They can decide to transition, to come out, to stay in the closet. But they cannot decide to feel like a different gender.
1: “even if somebody is 100% making it the fuck up literally why does it matter.” It matters because they can spread whatever misinformation they want to spread, and that can be harmful with those with the disorder. Furthermore, the fact that they are deciding to fake a mental disorder can be a sign of a mental illness in itself, and it shouldn’t be normalized to lie and say you have something you don’t.
2: it’s not about how much someone suffered, or that suffering more or less makes you “valid”. It’s a mental disorder literally formed off of childhood trauma, and without that, you cannot have the disorder. How much trauma that is, isn’t my place to say. Everyone’s brain develops differently and copes with things differently. I will never question if someone’s trauma is or is not enough, but there must be trauma. That’s the nature of the disorder.
3: “everyone needs to shut the fuck up and stop being a whiny cunt about it.” Yeah, I know this was probably you pouring your frustration into my inbox, but holy shit did you not make a good case for yourself. You have done nothing but insult me and repeat the same thing over and over without providing even a semblance of an argument: “anti-endos bad and evil, endos are valid!” essentially. Grow up. Learn how to debate.
1: “psych doctors are not yalls friends lol theyre another tool of the regime to divide people.” I’m not friends with my doctors, no. But that doesn’t mean I don’t need them. Mental and physical health are things that people often need help with, and it is inherently bad and wrong for you to imply that those people are somehow morally failing for needing that help and support. Without physical health professionals, I wouldn’t have made it a day. Without mental health professionals, I wouldn’t have made it to adulthood. They are not there to divide people, they are there to help. Is it true that many things are made to divide people and that mental and physical health resources are extremely racist, sexist, and overall discriminatory? Yes. Does that mean that if you are experiencing a mental or physical health issue you should ignore it for the sake of, what, sticking it to the government? Hell no. Sorry to say, but just not going to the hospital or to a therapist/psychiatrist is not a form of protest that is viable or helpful.
2: “that piece of paper "proving" youre mentally ill…” I don’t believe that everyone needs to be diagnosed to have the disorder. As I said before, yes, the healthcare system is very very flawed, and where I live, very very expensive. Being diagnosed is a privilege that not everyone can afford. I believe that well-researched self-diagnosis can be helpful, especially when you don’t have access to a professional, as long as you don’t claim to be diagnosed. Do your research, try to get professional help if/when you can, etc.
3: “wont mean shit when a violent ableist is looking to cure you with a brick… Why dont yall just lie down with your mouth on a curb so the cops can come and stomp your head in” I don’t know if you know this, but sending random violence into a trauma survivor’s inbox isn’t really chill of you m8. I mean, you do you ig, but really, did you think that this was going to change my mind? Alluding to me getting violently murdered/beaten to death by the police, or some ableist coming and hitting me with a brick? Fun fact: that doesn’t get anyone at all on your side.
4: “since yall wanna be oppressed so fucking bad” hate to tell you this, buddy, but yes, disabled people are oppressed. Even just mentally disabled. And yes, CDDs can be disabling.
1: “perpetuating a culture to fakeclaim people will only make a negative impact on everyone involved. somebody could be 100% DID all the way and still get fakeclaimed” I don’t support fakeclaiming at all, ever. No one should be fakeclaimed, even if they’re “clearly” faking. You don’t know them, you cannot see in their head, and unless they explicitly tell you they’re faking, you can’t know(and even then, who knows. There are some parts of my system who are still convinced we’re faking despite being professionally diagnosed). Anyway, I don’t support saying all endogenic systems are faking, because they aren’t, and that’s been proven to me. I don’t support saying that individual endogenic systems are faking, because they are a stranger on the internet, at the end of the day. I do agree that fakeclaiming is bad and will only really hurt actual systems.
Thinking about the one person in our life we're still very attached to that we haven't lost yet, but have never been close with and never will. Thinking about him a lot. And thinking about those we're still attached to that we've had falling outs with. Thinking about them a lot.
Sinking deeper. And thinking about them a lot. And sinking even deeper. Because just thinking about them hurts.
Picker Wheel is a wheel spinner for a random picker. Various functions & customization. Enter choices or names, spin the wheel to decide a r
Spin the Wheel!!!!
You have been reborn as a baby! This man is now your father and has to raise you.
How bad is your childhood?
(if you don’t recognize a character, just spin again)
Can a psychiatrist or psychologist perform an ADHD and autism evaluation if you're concurrently undergoing trauma therapy for complex trauma, or is it best to wait until after I complete trauma therapy? My trauma therapist told me that I probably have inattentive ADHD and autism in addition to my CPTSD, but they can't formally diagnose me with ADHD or autism.
Omg this is SUCH a good question! While the real answer is “it depends,” the most reliable and practical answer is “no,” sadly. I will explain below.
Trauma is amorphous, it looks like a lot of things at once, it’s scary and sad and it messes with the general perception of the world and its safety. Two of the broad symptom categories we look at with PTSD and anything related to PTSD is “persistent negative alterations to cognitions and mood,” (meaning persistent negative changes to how you feel and think about the world and yourself) and “marked alterations to arousal and reactivity” (meaning alterations to how alert and reactive you are to stimuli). Additional symptom categories are avoidance symptoms (avoiding things that remind you of the traumatic event(s)) and intrusion symptoms (re-experiencing the traumatic event(s) in some way).
These do not share, at face level, overlap with ADHD symptoms, but practically they do share some significant overlap. Additionally, areas that don’t share overlap still confound assessment data. For example - are you getting distracted by the door opening because of ADHD or because you’re trying to figure out if you’re in danger? You may know the difference, but the assessor and assessment tools can have a harder time knowing.
And that’s just one example tbh - Is your difficulty with sitting still related to your elevated startle response? Or is it related to hyperactivity?
Did you zone out just now because you have difficulty with tasks which require sustained mental energy? Or is it because you were experiencing an intrusive memory of a traumatic event?
Is your academic performance struggling because you can’t pay attention in class? Or because a guy who looks Just Like The Guy who hurt you in class too and now you’re balancing your urge to leave to get away from him with your need to stay and learn?
Are you having a hard time connecting to others because you can’t wait your turn in conversation? Or is it because the traumatic event made you feel so altered and alone that you no longer believe you can connect to others?
Are you losing things because your organizational skills have been negatively impacted by ADHD? Or is it because your memory has been negatively impacted by trauma?
Do you speak before you think? Or do you say hurtful things to drive away people who want to connect with you because the trauma made you feel tainted and broken?
Or is it some combination of these factors? Is it that some of these experiences are related to ADHD and others to trauma and others still to simply being a human? It’s difficult for assessment tools to know, and to a degree it can be difficult for anyone but you to know. Trauma therapy can help with some of these confounding variables, and if you notice that after a few sessions of CPT or IFS or TF-CBT or ACT that you’re feeling better about the world/yourself, less bothered by intrusion symptoms, less compelled to avoid stimuli in your environment, and feeling less reactive and afraid, but you still can’t read a book without needing to get up and move every few minutes, or that you can’t stop losing things, or that you still can’t pay attention in class, then it can start to become more clear. But until the PTSD is understood and feels like it is more manageable by you then it has the chance that your testing data will come back mixed or inconclusive, which would be frustrating for you as you most likely spent money and time being assessed.
If you find yourself wanting to receive an ADHD diagnosis because it would help you give yourself more grace and patience in some way, I would invite you to try and invite that grace and patience into your life anyways. We may not be able to say if you have ADHD or PTSD or both, but you don’t need to know your neurological hardware was gonna be like this from birth or if it was forged this way through pain, but you don’t need medication to be kinder and more patient to yourself.
If you wanna get an ADHD diagnosis for accommodations, see if your therapist would be willing to write you a letter of accommodation for the PTSD symptoms currently causing you distress or impeding your functioning.
If you want to get diagnosed with ADHD to get access to medications, I would say that ADHD is most often treated with psychostimulant medication which often makes the hypervigilance symptoms and pervasive sense of fear/worry/overwhelm worse. I have yet to meet someone who has said to me “I feel so scared and easily startled all the time, I need some amphetamines to calm down” so I feel almost overly confident in saying that the balancing act of ADHD and PTSD is tricky enough as-is but ADHD meds would risk complicating it even further.
As for autism that one depends but typically I’d say it’s pretty consistent. Trauma changes your brain in ways that can look similar to autism as well. If you can think of things that would make your life easier but that you feel like you can’t do until you’re diagnosed with autism then just take my permission now to live your life as if you had autism if it would ever help you. Wanna only eat safe foods but not sure if it’s because of anxiety-induced nausea from PTSD or if it’s a texture sensitivity? While you work on the PTSD let yourself eat the safe foods. If your appetite comes back and suddenly you can eat romeritos and canned Vienna sausages and other foods with weird textures or flavor profiles, then let yourself do that when it feels right. Don’t know if you’re watching the same TV show on repeat because you like routine and predictability (autism) or if the routine and predictability helps your brain reorient after a flashback (PTSD)? Watch the comfort show anyways. You don’t need a diagnosis of autism to do things that people with autism do. We don’t have a monopoly on watching Archer 27 times we just have a knack for it.
As always to my readers, read more Terry Pratchett, be kinder to yourselves and each other, and know that even if you don’t yet have the self-knowledge you want you still deserve the patience and self-kindness you would have given yourself today.
