me nearly falling 😓😓
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Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
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Love Begins

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Claire Keane

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@strawberrywatermelonx
me nearly falling 😓😓
what is this
okayy this took me a while so i hope you enjoy!!
you’re in the backseat half listening to everyone talk over each other phones out names getting read off rooms being figured out last minute changes people complaining laughing the usual chaos before something big but you’re not really paying attention not fully because every time his name comes up your focus snaps back without you meaning it
someone reads it out like it’s nothing like it doesn’t matter like it won’t change anything
“ilia and you”
there’s a pause just for a second just long enough for it to feel like something
“oh” someone says dragging it out like they noticed too
you don’t react not really just nod slightly like it’s normal like it doesn’t mean anything but when you look up he’s already looking at you and he doesn’t look away this time
“guess we’re stuck together” he says and there’s a small smile there something quieter than usual
“guess so”
you look away first
the room is quiet when you both finally get there bags dropped by the door neither of you really moving for a second like you’re both waiting for the other to say something first
“you can take the bed by the window” he says finally setting his bag down like he needs something to do
“i don’t mind”
“i know but still”
you nod and move past him the space feeling smaller than it should be like the air changed the second the door closed
you’ve always been like this with him not really obvious not something anyone could point out but it’s there in the way conversations last a little longer than they should in the way you stand a little closer than necessary in the way he looks at you when he thinks you’re not paying attention
it’s never been said
not properly
it happens later when everything’s quiet lights low the city outside barely making it through the curtains you’re both still awake neither of you saying it but neither of you sleeping either
“you should sleep” he says from his bed voice softer than earlier
“so should you”
“i will”
“you won’t”
he lets out a small breath that almost sounds like a laugh
“probably not”
another pause
longer this time
“come here”
you don’t ask what he means you just move standing up crossing the small space between the beds like it’s nothing like your heart isn’t beating too fast like this hasn’t been building for months without either of you doing anything about it
you sit on the edge of his bed at first unsure just for a second but he shifts making space like he expected it like he’s been waiting for it
you don’t know who leans in first
you never will
it’s slow at the start soft almost hesitant like both of you are still deciding if this is real if it’s actually happening his hand finding yours then your waist then pulling you closer when you don’t pull away
and you don’t
you never do
it feels like something breaking open like something you’ve both been holding in for too long finally slipping through the cracks
time passes
you don’t track it
at some point you’re not sitting anymore you’re closer than that tangled in a way that makes everything else feel far away quiet and distant like the world outside the room doesn’t exist anymore
he says your name like it means something different now like it always has
and when it’s over when everything settles and the room goes still again you stay there for a while neither of you speaking breathing slowly coming back down from something neither of you really understands
eventually you pull away just enough to look at him
he looks different softer but also like he’s thinking too much already
“we should sleep” you say because it feels like the right thing to say like something normal to hold onto
“yeah”
you both lie down after that not as close but not far either
you don’t sleep
your mind doesn’t stop
it replays everything every second every look every touch twisting it into something heavier than it felt in the moment
what does this mean
what happens now
was it just the moment
was it a mistake
by the time morning comes you feel sick with it
he’s still asleep when you get up or at least you think he is you don’t check properly you don’t give yourself time to you just grab your things as quietly as you can your chest tight your thoughts too loud
you don’t say anything
you leave
practice feels wrong from the second you step onto the ice your body moving automatically but your head somewhere else entirely you mess up things you never mess up you stop halfway through a run through and just stand there staring at nothing
“okay what is going on” amber says skating over arms crossed looking at you properly
“nothing”
“that’s not nothing”
isabeau joins a second later her expression softer but just as concerned
“you’re not even here right now”
you shake your head trying to brush it off but it doesn’t work nothing feels normal not your body not your thoughts not the way your chest feels like it’s too tight
“i just didn’t sleep” you say
amber gives you a look
“is that all”
you hesitate
that’s enough
“what happened” she asks and it’s not nosy not really just direct
you look down at the ice then back up then away again like saying it out loud will make it too real
“me and ilia” you start then stop
they both go quiet
“we didn’t mean to it just happened and i don’t know what it means and i didn’t want to make it into something it’s not so i just left this morning and i didn’t say anything and now i feel like i messed everything up and i don’t even know if he meant it or if it was just the moment and i can’t think straight”
it all comes out too fast your voice catching slightly at the end
there’s a pause
amber exhales slowly
“you left”
you nod
“yeah”
“is he still asleep” isabeau asks
“i don’t know i didn’t check”
amber shakes her head slightly
“okay first of all that was a bad move”
you let out a weak breath
“i know”
“second of all you’re overthinking this so much it’s painful to watch”
“isn’t she always” isabeau adds gently
you don’t argue
“you need to talk to him” amber says
“i can’t”
“yes you can”
you shake your head again
“what if it meant nothing to him”
amber looks at you like that’s the dumbest thing she’s heard all day
“then he wouldn’t have let it happen”
“isabeau” you look at her instead
she gives you a small smile
“you’re not the only one who looks at him like that”
your stomach drops slightly
“what do you mean”
“i mean he’s been gone over you for months”
you stare at her
“that’s not true”
“it is” amber says immediately
“we’ve all noticed”
you swallow
“then why didn’t he say anything”
“because he’s ilia”
that’s enough of an answer
there’s another pause
“just go talk to him” isabeau says softer this time
“before you make it worse”
you already feel like you have
but you nod anyway
the walk back feels longer than it should your thoughts still loud but different now less panic more fear of what you’ll find when you open that door
he’s there
sitting on the edge of his bed
awake
he looks up the second you walk in and the look on his face makes your chest tighten immediately
confused
hurt
trying not to show it
“you left”
you close the door behind you slowly
“yeah”
there’s a pause
“why”
you don’t answer right away and that makes it worse you can see it in the way his expression shifts the way he looks away for a second like he already thinks he knows the answer
“if you regretted it you could’ve just said that”
“i didn’t regret it”
he looks back at you then
“then why did you leave without saying anything”
“because i didn’t know what to say”
“so you just didn’t say anything at all”
“i thought that was better”
he lets out a short breath shaking his head
“yeah well it wasn’t”
you step closer
“i know”
another pause heavier this time
“you could’ve just talked to me” he says quieter now but it hurts more like that
“i know”
“you didn’t even look at me”
you swallow
“i didn’t trust myself to”
he frowns slightly
“what does that mean”
“it means i didn’t know what it meant and i didn’t want to say the wrong thing and mess it up”
he lets out a small frustrated breath
“you already messed it up by leaving”
“i said i know”
“do you”
you look at him properly now
“yes”
another silence
“so what now” he asks
you don’t have an answer
that’s the problem
he laughs slightly but there’s nothing happy about it
“so it just didn’t mean anything then”
“that’s not what i said”
“then what are you saying”
“i don’t know”
“that’s not good enough”
your chest tightens again
“i’m trying”
“trying what”
“to figure it out”
he shakes his head pacing now like he can’t stand still anymore
“it’s not that complicated”
“it is for me”
“why”
“because it is”
“no it’s not” he snaps turning back to you his voice louder now
“you don’t just do that with someone and then walk out like it’s nothing”
“i didn’t say it was nothing”
“then stop acting like it”
“i’m not acting like anything”
“you are”
you shake your head frustrated now
“you don’t get it”
“then explain it to me”
“i can’t”
“why not”
“because i don’t know how”
he lets out a sharp breath running his hands through his hair
“this is exactly why i didn’t want this to happen”
that hits
“then why did you let it”
“because i couldn’t stop it”
“that’s not an answer”
“it is when it’s you”
the room goes quiet for half a second
you stare at him
“what does that mean”
he looks at you like he’s already said too much but not enough at the same time
“it means i can’t just turn it off”
“turn what off”
he laughs slightly but it sounds wrong strained
“this”
“what is this”
“you”
your chest tightens
“ilia”
“no you don’t get to stand there and act confused” his voice rising again frustration spilling over now
“you look at me like that you act like that and then you leave like it didn’t matter”
“it did matter”
“then why did you leave”
“because i was scared”
“of what”
“of ruining it”
“you already did”
that stings more than anything
you go quiet
he exhales hard pacing again like he’s trying to calm himself down and failing
“i’ve been trying so hard not to mess this up with you”
you look up quickly
“what”
“i didn’t want to say anything because i thought if i did it would ruin everything and then last night happened and i thought maybe i was wrong maybe you felt it too and then you just left”
your heart starts racing again
“ilia”
“no because what was i supposed to think” he keeps going voice breaking slightly now
“you don’t just do that with someone you don’t just” he stops shaking his head frustrated
“you don’t just do that with someone you don’t love”
the word hits the air before he can stop it
everything goes quiet
he freezes
you do too
“you don’t just do that with someone you don’t love”
you repeat it slowly like you’re trying to understand it like you need to hear it again to believe it
he looks at you like he wishes he could take it back but can’t
“you love me”
it comes out softer now
he doesn’t answer right away
then
“yeah”
barely above a whisper
your chest tightens so hard it almost hurts
“for how long”
he lets out a breath looking down then back at you
“a while”
you shake your head slightly trying to process it
“and you didn’t say anything”
“because i didn’t want to lose you”
you let out a small breath almost a laugh but it’s not happy
“that’s exactly why i left”
he looks at you confused
“what”
“because i felt it too”
he goes still
“i just didn’t know if you did” you continue your voice quieter now but steadier
“and i didn’t want to be the one who ruined everything by assuming something that wasn’t there”
he steps closer slowly like he’s not sure if this is real
“say that again”
“i love you”
it comes out easier than you expected
he closes the distance properly this time his hands coming up to your arms like he needs to ground himself like he needs to know you’re actually there
“you left because you were scared”
you nod
“yeah”
he lets out a breath almost a laugh but softer now
“that’s so stupid”
“i know”
“you scared me too”
“i know”
there’s a pause but it’s different now lighter
then he pulls you into him suddenly like he’s done holding back like he’s not risking you walking out again
you hold onto him just as tight
and this time
neither of you lets go
re upload of this cuz i got scared and took it down🩷 ྀི
say my name softer (final part)
warnings- kissing and argument
the room is tense.
you stand across from him, arms crossed.
he doesn’t move.
doesn’t look away.
⸻
“you know what?” you snap. “i’m done pretending like this is easy.”
“i never said it was easy,” he shoots back.
“no, you act like it’s a mistake you can just fix!”
⸻
he runs a hand through his hair, pacing once.
“because it’s moving too fast!” he yells. “i’m trying to protect myself!”
⸻
“protect yourself?!” you step forward, chest tight. “i’m not the problem here!”
⸻
he stops, breathing hard.
“…you don’t get it.”
“try me!”
⸻
he glares, jaw tight.
“you don’t understand what it’s like… to be me. to feel… everything and try not to ruin it!”
⸻
“and you think pushing me away helps?!” you yell back.
⸻
another pause.
then:
“…i… i don’t know what to do,” he admits, voice cracking slightly.
⸻
you freeze.
“…what?”
he looks at you, and for a second, he looks smaller. vulnerable.
“…i like you. i like this. you. all of it. and i’m scared i’ll mess it up.”
⸻
you take a step closer.
“…do you think i care about that?”
he swallows.
“i… i don’t know.”
⸻
you close the distance.
hand on his chest.
“look at me,” you say softly.
he does.
⸻
you reach up, touch his face lightly.
“…you don’t have to figure it out alone.”
⸻
he blinks.
“…what if i do?”
“…then we do it together,” you whisper.
⸻
he swallows again, nodding slowly.
then he leans in, hesitant.
you meet him halfway.
⸻
the kiss starts soft.
slow. careful.
hands tentative, testing the waters.
then he pulls you closer, one arm wrapping around your waist, the other resting lightly on your shoulder.
you press back, letting him in, fingers tangling in the back of his hoodie.
⸻
he lets out a quiet breath.
“don’t go,” he murmurs against your lips.
“…i’m not,” you reply.
⸻
the kiss deepens, a little messier now, grounding both of you.
it’s soft, but full of relief.
all the frustration, all the fear, all the tension melts into it.
⸻
he pulls back slightly, forehead against yours.
“…i’m sorry,” he whispers.
“…me too,” you murmur.
⸻
you stay like that. close.
breathing the same air.
no words needed.
just comfort.
⸻
and for the first time, it feels like neither of you are letting go.
me i guess ྀི
chapter 6 will be out soon
Hiii!!
This is a request I have, but it’s similar to a fic you made. For context I’m the person who asked for the vampire fic, and OMG it’s so good 😭. I keep reading whenever I go on tumblr, and I was so happy that you wrote it. I was wondering if you could maybe write another vampire!ilia biting fic, but with this fic I have a reference photo for it. For some reason I can’t send through here because there is no option for pictures. I’m totally fine if you don’t want to write another fic like that, but if you are I will try to send you the picture somehow.
Anyways thank you so much, and you’re the best ❤️🩹
i’m not a vampire (pt2?)
sorry i didn’t get your photo so this is kinda a part 2
warnings- aggressiveness kissing , biting
“you’re staring again”
you don’t even realise you’re doing it until he says it your eyes flicking up from where they’d been fixed on him for too long longer than normal longer than safe
“i’m not”
“you are”
he doesn’t sound annoyed if anything he sounds amused like he always does when you try to deny something obvious you look away anyway folding your arms slightly like that’ll fix it
it’s late again it’s always late with him the street empty quiet the kind of silence that makes everything feel closer than it should be and he’s leaning against the wall watching you like he’s been waiting which he probably has
“you keep showing up at the same time”
“so do you”
he smiles at that slow and easy like he enjoys this more than he should and you hate how it makes your chest feel tight in a way you don’t want to think about
“maybe i just know your routine”
“that’s not creepy at all”
“only a little”
you shake your head but you don’t leave you never leave not right away
he pushes off the wall stepping closer not too fast not enough to scare you just enough that you notice the distance closing your body going still for half a second before you relax again
“you’re cold”
“i’m fine”
“you say that every time”
“because it’s true”
he hums like he doesn’t believe you his eyes dropping for a second not just to your face but lower like he’s focusing on something else something you can’t see you shift slightly under his gaze
“what”
“nothing”
he says it too quickly and that’s when you know something’s off not wrong not exactly just different heavier like the air changed without asking
“ilia”
his name makes him pause something in his expression tightening for a second before smoothing out again but not completely not enough to hide it
“you should go home”
you blink
“what”
“it’s late”
“you’re literally standing here too”
“i know”
he runs a hand through his hair looking away like he’s trying to think through something and losing the argument with himself
“then why are you telling me to leave”
he doesn’t answer right away his jaw tight his shoulders tense like he’s holding himself back from something you don’t understand
“because i don’t think you should stay”
“that doesn’t make any sense”
“i know”
you take a step closer anyway because if he wanted distance he should’ve stepped back first and he doesn’t move he just watches you like he’s waiting for something waiting for you to decide something he can’t
“you’re acting weird”
“i’m trying not to”
“not to what”
he exhales slowly like he already regrets this whole conversation
“nothing”
you stare at him
“ilia”
this time your voice is quieter softer and it does something to him you can see it the way his expression shifts the way his control slips just slightly
“you need to tell me to stop”
your heart stutters
“why”
“just do it”
“no”
he lets out a short breath almost a laugh but there’s nothing funny about it
“that’s the problem”
“what is”
“you don’t know what you’re saying no to”
“then tell me”
he looks at you properly now really looks at you like he’s memorising something and for a second you feel it again that strange pull that keeps you here when you should leave
“i can’t”
“then i’m not going anywhere”
that does it
he steps forward fast enough that it knocks the breath out of you his hand finding your arm steadying you even though he’s the one who closed the distance your back nearly brushing the wall
“ilia”
you don’t get anything else out before he’s kissing you not like before not slow not careful this is different rougher desperate like he’s already gone too far to stop now your hands come up instantly grabbing onto his jacket pulling him closer instead of pushing him away
he makes a quiet sound against your mouth something strained something he’s trying to hold back and failing his grip tightening just enough to keep you there
for a second it feels normal just a kiss just him just this
then it shifts
his mouth drags from yours slower now like he’s forcing himself to take his time even when he clearly doesn’t want to your breath catches when he pauses at your jaw your fingers tightening in his jacket
“ilia wait”
you say it but there’s no force behind it no real attempt to stop him and he knows it
his hand slides up to your neck tilting your head slightly his touch still careful still gentle in a way that doesn’t match the tension in his body
you feel it before you understand it that sharp pressure sudden and wrong your body going still your breath catching hard
“ilia”
this time it comes out quieter
he doesn’t stop not immediately
your hands grip tighter your heart racing so fast it almost feels loud in your ears everything narrowing down to that one point that one moment that shouldn’t be happening
then he pulls back
fast
like he’s burned himself
you stumble slightly your hand flying up to your neck your eyes wide your breathing uneven
“what the hell was that”
he’s already a step back shaking his head like he’s trying to clear it
“i’m sorry i didn’t mean to go that far”
“you bit me”
he goes still
completely still
“ilia you just bit me”
he looks at you like he doesn’t know what to say like there’s no version of this where you don’t realise what just happened
“i told you to stop me”
“you didn’t explain why”
“i couldn’t”
your hand presses harder against your neck like that’ll make it make sense like that’ll ground you but it doesn’t
“what are you”
he doesn’t answer right away his eyes flicking down to your hand then back up to your face something unreadable in them now something darker
“you’re not gonna like it”
“just say it”
another pause longer this time heavier
“i’m trying not to hurt you”
“that’s not an answer”
“it’s the only one you’re getting right now”
you stare at him your heart still racing your thoughts not catching up fast enough
“ilia”
this time it’s not frustrated it’s not sharp it’s quieter uncertain
he looks at you again and for a second you see it clearly the thing he’s been holding back the thing you didn’t understand before
hunger
and something else mixed into it something softer something that makes it worse
he takes another step back like distance will fix it like distance will stop whatever this is from getting worse
“you should go”
this time you don’t argue
not because you want to
but because you don’t know what just happened
and you don’t know what he’ll do if you stay
say my name softer (pt 5)
(only 6 parts to this story)
it’s quiet for too long.
⸻
you’re still lying there.
he’s sitting beside you.
not touching.
not looking at you.
⸻
you sit up first.
“you’re really good at making things awkward,” you say.
⸻
he exhales. “i’m not trying to.”
“could’ve fooled me.”
⸻
he rubs a hand over his face, still not looking at you.
“this is exactly what i didn’t want.”
⸻
you freeze.
“…what?”
⸻
he finally looks at you.
“this.”
he gestures vaguely between you.
⸻
you stare at him.
“you mean what just happened?”
“yeah.”
⸻
there’s a pause.
then
“okay,” you say slowly. “then why did you let it happen?”
⸻
he doesn’t answer right away.
which already tells you enough.
⸻
“ilia.”
“because i wanted to,” he says, a little sharper now.
“okay, so what’s the problem?”
“the problem is everything after.”
⸻
you let out a short laugh.
“you’re kidding.”
“i’m not.”
⸻
you stand up, grabbing your hoodie from the floor.
“so what, you just didn’t think that far ahead?”
“i did.”
“clearly not.”
⸻
he stands too now.
“i did, that’s why i said we should take it slow.”
“yeah, and then you didn’t.”
⸻
“neither did you,” he shoots back.
⸻
that stops you for half a second.
but only half.
⸻
“don’t do that,” you say.
“do what.”
“don’t act like this is on me.”
“i’m not.”
“you are.”
⸻
he exhales, frustrated now.
“i’m saying we both knew this was a bad idea.”
⸻
“then why are you acting like you regret it?”
⸻
he doesn’t answer.
again.
⸻
you laugh, but it’s not funny this time.
“wow.”
⸻
“i don’t regret it,” he says quickly.
“then why does it feel like you do?”
⸻
he runs a hand through his hair again.
pacing once across the room.
⸻
“because this changes things,” he says.
“yeah,” you reply. “no shit.”
⸻
“i’m your coach.”
“and?”
“and that matters.”
⸻
“you keep saying that like it’s supposed to mean something,” you snap.
“it does mean something.”
⸻
“to you,” you say.
“yes,” he says, like that should be obvious.
⸻
you shake your head.
“so what now, you just go back to telling me ‘again’ like nothing happened?”
⸻
he doesn’t answer.
⸻
“that’s what i thought.”
⸻
you grab your bag this time.
actually ready to leave.
⸻
“don’t do that,” he says.
⸻
you stop.
but you don’t turn around.
⸻
“do what.”
“leave like that.”
⸻
you let out a breath.
“how else am i supposed to leave?”
⸻
he doesn’t respond.
⸻
you turn now.
“you’re the one who made it weird.”
“i didn’t make it weird.”
“you literally just called it a bad idea.”
⸻
“because it is,” he says.
⸻
that hits.
harder than anything else.
⸻
you nod slowly.
“right.”
⸻
a pause.
⸻
“you know what,” you say, quieter now. “next time just don’t invite me over.”
⸻
he flinches slightly.
barely noticeable.
but you see it.
⸻
“that’s not what i’m saying.”
“then what are you saying.”
⸻
he hesitates.
and that’s the problem.
⸻
“exactly,” you mutter.
⸻
you turn again, reaching for the door this time.
⸻
“wait.”
⸻
you stop.
again.
⸻
“what,” you say, not turning around.
⸻
he doesn’t answer right away.
you can hear him move closer though.
⸻
“i don’t want you to go,” he says.
⸻
you close your eyes for a second.
“…you should’ve thought about that earlier.”
⸻
“i am thinking about it now.”
⸻
you turn.
he’s closer.
too close for this kind of conversation.
⸻
“you don’t get to push me away and then say that,” you say.
⸻
“i’m not pushing you away.”
“you literally are.”
⸻
“i’m trying to not mess this up.”
⸻
you let out a small, frustrated laugh.
“you already are.”
⸻
that lands.
⸻
he goes quiet.
you can see it.
the moment he realizes.
⸻
“…okay,” he says, softer now.
⸻
you don’t respond.
⸻
“i’m bad at this,” he adds.
⸻
you look at him.
really look at him.
⸻
“yeah,” you say. “i know.”
⸻
another pause.
⸻
“but don’t act like i’m something you have to fix or avoid,” you add. “because i’m not.”
⸻
he nods slowly.
“i know.”
⸻
“do you?”
⸻
he steps closer.
just a little.
⸻
“i don’t regret it,” he says again.
this time quieter.
less defensive.
⸻
you hold his gaze.
“…then stop acting like you do.”
⸻
a pause.
⸻
“i don’t know how to do this right,” he admits.
⸻
that hits differently.
⸻
you soften.
just slightly.
⸻
“then figure it out,” you say. “but don’t take it out on me while you do.”
⸻
he nods.
⸻
you don’t move.
neither does he.
⸻
still too close.
still not resolved.
⸻
but not as sharp as before.
⸻
not yet fixed.
but not completely broken either.
⸻
and somehow
that feels worse.
⸻
because now there’s something to lose.
My boiler broke so we have no heating and no hot water for shiwer write a fic about it
dusty
aslo say please next time
“you’re actually joking” you’re standing in the bathroom doorway just staring at the shower like it personally betrayed you arms crossed shoulders up from the cold
“i’m not joking” ilia says from the other room way too calm for someone who should also be suffering right now you turn your head
“there’s no hot water”
“yeah”
“and no heating”
“also yeah”
you just blink at him
“ilia i can literally see my breath”
he squints a little like he’s checking then shrugs
“okay yeah that’s kinda bad”
you still try the shower because maybe it’s not that bad it is the second the water hits your skin you flinch so hard you step back immediately grabbing the wall
“nope nope nope”
you reach forward and turn it off again from the other room you hear him laugh
“that bad”
“i hate you”
you call back grabbing a towel
“you don’t”
“i do right now”
when you come back out he’s on the couch scrolling on his phone like everything’s normal you just walk over and drop down next to him grabbing the blanket and wrapping it around yourself
“move”
“i am moving”
“move more”
he sighs but shifts anyway and you immediately lean into him without even thinking about it it’s warmer obviously he glances down at you
“you’re freezing”
“i know”
you pull the blanket tighter but it’s not doing much your hands are still cold and you end up a bit closer to him without really meaning to he notices but doesn’t say anything just puts his arm around you like it’s normal you pause for like half a second then just let it happen because it’s warm and you don’t care
“you smell like cold water”
he says after a bit you look up at him
“what does that even mean”
“like not warm water”
you stare at him
“you’re so helpful”
he smiles a little and you have to look away so he doesn’t see yours you end up properly leaning on him now head against his shoulder legs tucked under the blanket he adjusts slightly so you’re more comfortable like it’s automatic
“this is your fault by the way”
“how”
“you live here”
“that’s not how that works”
“it is today”
he laughs quietly and his hand moves over your arm like he’s trying to warm you up it’s not weird it just feels nice
“we could boil water”
he says randomly you don’t even move
“for what”
“like pour it in the bath”
you lift your head just enough to look at him
“and then what sit in disappointment”
he laughs again
“okay yeah fair”
you drop your head back down
“i’m actually so cold”
there’s a small pause then he goes
“come here”
before you can even ask he’s already pulling you closer shifting so you’re basically half on top of him under the blanket
“ilia”
you let out a small laugh
“what are you doing”
“fixing it”
“this is not fixing it”
“it is you’re warmer already”
you pause he’s not wrong your hands rest against his chest just to steady yourself but you don’t move away you just stay there closer than before
“okay maybe it’s working”
you mumble he hums like he expected that his hand moves again over your back slow and absent like he’s not even thinking about it you relax into him without realising
“if the boiler stays broken i’m blaming you”
“if it stays broken i’m doing this again”
you tilt your head slightly to look at him
“that’s not a threat”
he smiles a little
“i know”
you don’t say anything after that you just settle back down against him pulling the blanket tighter around both of you it’s still cold everything’s still broken but you’re not shivering anymore and you don’t move away
Hiii!
I have a request for an reader x vampire!Ilia. Can you also add the fact that reader doesn’t know he’s a vampire and such, and maybe a part where he bites reader ❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹
(Totally cuz I’m not obsessed with his “I’m not a vampire” program 😅)
Anyways tysm!!
i’m not a vampire
warnings- kissing, biting
you don’t notice it at first
nothing about him feels obviously wrong not in a way you can explain he looks normal talks normal smiles like anyone else maybe a little quieter than most people you meet a little more observant but not enough to stand out if anything it’s the opposite people tend to look at him longer than they mean to like there’s something about him they can’t quite place
you’re not any different
Ilia Malinin just appears in your life one night standing outside a small convenience shop while you argue with a broken vending machine that already took your money you hear him before you see him a quiet laugh under his breath and when you turn he’s leaning against the wall like he’s been there the whole time watching
“it’s not gonna give it back” he says voice calm almost amused
you narrow your eyes at him “i figured”
he steps closer pressing a button like it’s nothing and somehow the machine hums back to life dropping your drink with a soft clunk
you blink “okay”
he shrugs slightly “you’re welcome”
you should leave it at that you almost do but there’s something about the way he looks at you steady focused like he’s paying more attention than he should
“thanks” you say grabbing the drink
he nods once like that’s enough but he doesn’t walk away
you start seeing him after that
not intentionally not at first just around outside buildings at quiet streets leaning against railings like he belongs there always at night you don’t question it immediately because you’re not paying that much attention
you probably should have been
“you’re out late again” he says one evening when you pass him near the same shop
“so are you”
he smiles slightly at that like he expected it “i don’t sleep much”
“that sounds unhealthy”
“i manage”
there’s something off in the way he says it but you ignore it stepping closer instead of away
you don’t know why
talking to him becomes easy in a way you don’t expect he listens more than he speaks but when he does talk it’s like he already knows what you’re going to say next it should be unsettling it isn’t not really
if anything it pulls you in
“you’re cold” he says one night watching you rub your arms
“it’s freezing”
he shakes his head slightly “no you’re cold”
you frown “that’s what i just said”
he doesn’t argue just steps closer close enough that you can feel the difference immediately
he’s warm
warmer than he should be
your breath catches for half a second but you don’t move away
you don’t remember who leans in first
just that suddenly he’s there closer than he’s ever been his hand resting lightly at your waist like he’s still giving you time to stop this
you don’t
the kiss is slow at first almost careful like he’s testing something his grip tightens slightly when you don’t pull away pulling you closer your hands finding his jacket without thinking there’s something different about it something heavier like it means more than just this moment
you feel it even if you can’t explain it
he pulls back sooner than you expect
breathing uneven
eyes darker than before
you blink still a little dazed “what”
“i should stop” he says quietly
you frown “why”
he doesn’t answer
that should’ve been your warning
it happens a few nights later
you’re back near the same street quieter than usual barely anyone around he’s already there of course he is like he always knows when you’ll show up you don’t question it anymore you probably should
“you keep finding me” you say
“or you keep coming back”
“maybe both”
he smiles slightly but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes this time
you notice it then
the way he’s standing just a little too still the way his gaze lingers too long not just on your face but lower like he’s focusing on something else entirely
you shift slightly “you okay”
he nods once too quick “yeah”
but he doesn’t move
doesn’t look away
“why are you looking like that” you say quieter now
his name seems to snap something in him
he steps forward closing the distance between you faster than before his hand finding your arm not rough just firm
you don’t pull away
not yet
“i need you to tell me to stop” he says voice lower than you’ve ever heard it
your heart stutters “why”
he exhales sharply like he’s trying to hold something back
“because i won’t if you don’t”
you should be scared
you’re not
just confused
and something else you can’t quite name
“what are you-”
that’s all you get out before he leans in again kissing you harder this time less controlled like whatever restraint he had before is slipping your hands catch onto him instantly pulling him closer without thinking your body reacting before your brain can catch up
his grip tightens at your waist pulling you flush against him and for a moment everything feels the same as before
until it doesn’t
his mouth drifts from yours
slower now
hesitating for a fraction of a second at your jaw
your breath catches
“wait”
but you don’t move
his hand steadies you
his other tilts your head just slightly
gentle
too gentle for what follows
you feel it before you understand it
a sharp sudden pressure at your neck not enough to hurt at first just enough to shock you into stillness your fingers tighten against his jacket a quiet sound leaving you before you can stop it
“ah-what the ”
he doesn’t respond
not right away
it doesn’t last long
just long enough to make your pulse race your thoughts scatter your body go tense under his hands
then he pulls back
fast
like he didn’t mean to go that far
you stumble slightly hand coming up to your neck instinctively
“what the hell”
he’s already a step away now breathing uneven eyes wide in a way you’ve never seen before
“i’m sorry i didn’t i didn’t mean to”
you stare at him “you bit me”
he freezes
the silence that follows is heavier than anything before
“what are you”
he doesn’t answer
not at first
just looks at you like he’s trying to decide how much to say how much you can handle
“i was trying not to” he says finally voice quieter now “that’s why i told you to stop me”
you shake your head slightly still processing “that’s not an explanation”
“i know”
another pause
“tell me”
he exhales slowly
“you’re not gonna like it”
your hand is still at your neck
you can feel where it happened
you can feel your heart still racing
“just say it”
and the way he looks at you then
isn’t human
not really
not anymore
ok well this is literally me so
say my name softer (pt4)
warnings- implied sex (i’m to scared to write actual smut)
“you’re leaving already?” he asks when you step off the ice.
“yeah.”
“early.”
“it’s not.”
he glances at the clock, then back at you like he’s still not convinced.
⸻
you sit down, pulling your guards on.
he doesn’t move.
just stands there.
⸻
“what,” you mutter.
“nothing.”
you stand, grabbing your bag.
⸻
“wait.”
you stop, turning back.
⸻
he hesitates for a second.
then
“do you wanna come over?”
⸻
you don’t answer right away.
you just look at him.
⸻
“we don’t have to do anything,” he adds quickly. “just… yeah.”
⸻
“…okay,” you say.
⸻
the drive is quiet.
he keeps one hand on the wheel, the other tapping lightly against it.
you catch him glancing at you once.
he looks away just as fast.
⸻
his place is warm.
a little messy.
hoodies on the back of chairs, skates by the door.
⸻
“you can sit,” he says.
you drop your bag and sit on the couch.
he stays standing for a second too long.
⸻
“you’re acting weird,” you say.
“i know.”
⸻
he finally sits down.
not too close.
just enough space between you.
⸻
a few seconds pass.
neither of you talk.
⸻
“you can sit closer,” you say.
⸻
he looks at you.
then shifts.
closer this time.
your shoulders touch.
stay there.
⸻
“better?” he asks.
“yeah.”
⸻
you turn your head slightly.
he’s already looking at you.
⸻
you don’t think about it.
you just lean in.
⸻
he meets you halfway.
⸻
his hand comes up to your side, resting there lightly at first.
you shift closer, your knee brushing against his.
⸻
the kiss starts soft.
slow.
⸻
then it doesn’t stay that way.
⸻
his grip tightens slightly, pulling you closer.
your hand slides up his hoodie, bunching the fabric in your fingers.
⸻
you turn more toward him, your leg moving over his without thinking.
he adjusts with you, one hand steady at your waist.
⸻
“you’re making this difficult,” he mutters against your lips.
“you asked me here.”
⸻
he kisses you again, deeper this time.
less careful.
⸻
you end up closer, fully turned toward him now.
his hand moves from your side to your waist, pulling you in until there’s no space left.
⸻
your fingers slide to the back of his neck.
he exhales sharply, leaning into you.
⸻
you shift again, and this time it’s not comfortable on the couch anymore.
⸻
he pulls back just enough to look at you.
“wait,” he says quietly.
⸻
you pause.
he watches you for a second.
then
“come here.”
⸻
he stands, pulling you up with him.
⸻
you don’t let go of him.
not really.
your hand still caught in his hoodie as he leads you down the hall.
⸻
his room is darker.
quieter.
⸻
the door closes behind you.
⸻
he doesn’t say anything this time.
just pulls you back in.
⸻
the kiss is different now.
faster.
less hesitation.
⸻
you move with him without thinking, stepping back until you hit the edge of the bed.
you sit without breaking the kiss.
he follows immediately.
⸻
his hands stay careful.
still at your waist.
still grounding himself.
⸻
yours don’t.
they move up, pulling him closer, fingers catching in his hair this time.
⸻
he lets out a quiet breath against your mouth.
one hand shifting slightly, holding you steady as you move.
⸻
you lean back just enough to pull him with you.
he follows.
no hesitation.
⸻
everything slows down and speeds up at the same time.
movements messy, unplanned, but not uncertain.
⸻
he pulls back once.
just for a second.
breathing uneven.
⸻
“tell me if—”
“don’t stop,” you cut him off.
⸻
that’s it.
⸻
after that
he doesn’t.
⸻
time passes.
you don’t really keep track of it.
⸻
it ends slower than it started.
quieter.
his forehead resting against yours for a second before he finally pulls back.
⸻
you both just sit there.
close.
breathing uneven.
⸻
then he leans back, running a hand through his hair.
you shift beside him, still close, your shoulder brushing his.
⸻
neither of you say anything.
⸻
he looks at you once.
then away.
⸻
you lie back against the bed, staring at the ceiling.
he stays sitting for a second before moving beside you.
⸻
there’s a small gap between you this time.
not as close as before.
⸻
you turn your head slightly.
he’s already staring at the ceiling.
jaw tight.
⸻
you don’t say anything.
not yet.
⸻
but you can feel it already.
the shift.
⸻
and this time
it doesn’t feel as easy.
colder
(ITS NOT LETTING ME DIRECTLY REPLY TO PEOPLES REQUESTS SO IM JUST DOINH THEM)
you notice him before he notices you, which is rare for someone like him.
Ilia Malinin doesn’t exactly blend in anywhere, especially not here, standing at the top of the slope with his board tucked under his arm, talking loudly to someone who’s clearly less interested than he is. he laughs easily, gestures too much, shifts his weight like he can’t stay still for more than a second. he looks like he belongs here in a way you don’t.
you’re already strapped into your board, standing a little off to the side, waiting for the lift line to thin out. you don’t talk to people here. you don’t really talk to people anywhere if you can help it. it’s easier that way. cleaner.
he notices you when you start moving.
you push off without hesitation, carving down the slope in a smooth, controlled line, no wasted movement, no show-off tricks, just clean riding. you don’t think about who’s watching. you never do.
but he is.
and by the time you reach the bottom, slowing near the lift, he’s already behind you.
“you’re good,” he says, like it’s a statement you should respond to.
you don’t turn around immediately. you unclip one foot, step forward, and only then glance at him briefly. “i’m fine.”
he grins like that’s funny. “no, you’re better than fine.”
you shrug. “okay.”
you start toward the lift without waiting for him, but he falls into step beside you anyway.
“you come here a lot?” he asks.
“yeah.”
“you always this talkative?”
you glance at him again, a little more annoyed this time. “depends who i’m talking to.”
he laughs, not offended at all. “so i’m the problem.”
“probably.”
he seems to like that answer more than he should.
⸻
it becomes a thing after that, even though you never agree to it.
he finds you.
not immediately, not in an obvious way, but every time you show up, he’s there at some point, sliding into conversation like it’s natural, like you didn’t spend years getting comfortable with silence.
“you ignore everyone else like this or just me?” he asks one afternoon, dropping down beside you in the snow while you adjust your bindings.
“everyone.”
“wow. i feel special.”
you don’t respond, tightening the strap.
he leans back on his hands, watching you. “you ever smile?”
you glance up. “you ever stop talking?”
he grins. “no.”
“figured.”
you push yourself up, board scraping lightly against the snow, and take off before he can follow immediately.
he still catches up halfway down.
of course he does.
⸻
you don’t know why you let him stick around.
he’s loud. annoying. too much.
he talks when you don’t want to. laughs when you don’t think anything’s funny. pushes into your space like he’s never been told not to.
and still, you don’t tell him to leave.
⸻
“you’re impossible to read,” he says one day, riding alongside you before slowing to a stop.
you unclip your board again, brushing snow off your gloves. “good.”
“no, not good. it’s frustrating.”
“then stop trying.”
he shakes his head, smiling like you just said something interesting instead of dismissive. “no, i don’t think i will.”
you sigh quietly, but you don’t argue.
⸻
it’s colder than usual the next time you see him, wind biting harder, fewer people on the slopes.
you’re sitting near the edge of the run, catching your breath, when he drops down beside you without asking.
“you’re gonna freeze,” he says.
“i’m fine.”
“you say that a lot.”
“because it’s true.”
he studies you for a second longer than usual, his expression less playful this time. “you always keep people this far away?”
you stiffen slightly, just enough to notice.
“yes.”
“why?”
you stand up before answering. “because i can.”
you start moving again, expecting him to let it go.
he doesn’t.
⸻
he catches up quicker this time, slowing beside you instead of racing ahead.
“that’s not a real answer,” he says.
“it’s enough.”
“for you, maybe.”
you stop suddenly, turning to face him. “why do you care?”
he blinks, a little caught off guard.
“seriously,” you add. “why does it matter to you?”
he hesitates for the first time since you met him.
“…because i like you,” he says, like it’s obvious.
you stare at him.
“that’s a bad idea.”
he shrugs slightly. “yeah, probably.”
“then don’t.”
“don’t what?”
“like me.”
he laughs under his breath. “you think it works like that?”
you don’t answer.
⸻
there’s a pause, wind cutting between you, snow shifting under your boards.
he steps a little closer, not enough to crowd you, just enough that you notice.
“you’re not as cold as you think you are,” he says quietly.
you frown. “you don’t know me.”
“i know you don’t tell people anything,” he replies. “that doesn’t mean there’s nothing there.”
you look away first.
which is new.
⸻
“you’re doing it again,” he adds.
“doing what.”
“pulling away.”
you scoff. “i’m standing right here.”
“yeah,” he says, softer now. “but you’re not really here, are you?”
⸻
you don’t like how that lands.
you definitely don’t like that he noticed.
⸻
“i’m going down,” you say, turning away.
“of course you are,” he replies, pushing off after you.
⸻
he stays beside you this time.
doesn’t race ahead.
doesn’t show off.
just matches your pace.
⸻
at the bottom, you don’t walk away immediately.
neither does he.
⸻
“you’re still here,” he points out.
you glance at him. “so are you.”
he smiles slightly. “yeah.”
⸻
you hesitate for a second.
then
“…you talk too much,” you say.
“i know.”
“…but it’s not that bad.”
he looks at you like you just said something huge.
“that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”
“don’t get used to it.”
“too late.”
⸻
you shake your head, but there’s something softer in it now.
not a smile.
not quite.
but close enough that he notices.
and this time
you don’t tell him to stop looking.
say my name softer (pt3)
should i do face reveal?????
you both act like it should.
like “slow” means something safe.
like it means nothing is actually happening.
⸻
it doesn’t.
⸻
practice starts the same.
he’s already there.
you show up.
no weird tension at first.
just routine.
⸻
“warm up properly,” he says as you step onto the ice.
“i always do.”
he gives you a look.
you roll your eyes and skate off anyway.
⸻
but it’s different.
subtle.
small things.
⸻
he stands closer again.
not as careful as before.
not as distant as yesterday.
just… close.
⸻
“you’re dropping your shoulder,” he says, skating up beside you.
you groan. “again?”
“again.”
“you say that like it’s my favorite word.”
“it should be.”
⸻
you go to push off, but he stops you.
light grip on your arm.
not strong.
just enough.
⸻
you freeze.
again.
⸻
“wait,” he says quietly.
his hand doesn’t move right away.
neither do you.
⸻
“like this,” he adds, adjusting your arm slightly.
his fingers brush your wrist.
your heart does that annoying thing again.
⸻
he lets go.
too quickly this time.
like he noticed too.
⸻
“try now.”
you nod, even though you’re not fully focused anymore.
⸻
you land it.
not perfect.
but good enough.
⸻
“better,” he says.
you look at him.
he’s already looking at you.
⸻
there’s a pause.
longer than it should be.
⸻
“you’re staring again,” you say.
he doesn’t look away this time.
“…maybe.”
⸻
you blink.
“…maybe?”
he shrugs slightly. “you said not to pretend.”
⸻
your stomach flips.
⸻
practice keeps going.
but neither of you are really focused anymore.
⸻
you sit at the boards later, catching your breath.
he sits next to you.
closer than yesterday.
closer than he probably should.
⸻
“you’re quiet,” he says.
“you’re staring,” you reply.
“i am.”
you glance at him. “…you’re not even denying it now?”
“no.”
⸻
you don’t know what to do with that.
⸻
“this is a bad idea,” you say after a second.
he nods. “yeah.”
“you said slow.”
“this is slow.”
you laugh softly. “this is not slow.”
⸻
he leans back on his hands, looking out at the ice.
“then what is it.”
you don’t answer right away.
because you don’t really know.
⸻
“it feels like we’re pretending not to do something we’re definitely doing,” you say finally.
he huffs a quiet laugh. “that’s… accurate.”
⸻
another pause.
⸻
“are you gonna tell me to stop?” you ask.
he looks at you.
really looks.
“…do you want me to.”
you don’t answer.
⸻
that’s enough.
⸻
he moves first this time.
not as hesitant as before.
still careful.
still giving you time.
but not pulling away halfway through.
⸻
you meet him there.
halfway.
⸻
the kiss is different.
less unsure.
still soft.
but deeper.
like you’ve both already decided this is happening.
⸻
your hand ends up on his sleeve again.
his comes up to your jaw this time.
gentle.
steady.
⸻
when he pulls back, it’s slower.
like he doesn’t really want to.
⸻
“this is definitely not slow,” you murmur.
he smiles slightly.
“we can slow it down after.”
⸻
you laugh under your breath.
“that’s not how that works.”
“it is today.”
⸻
you shake your head.
but you’re still smiling.
⸻
“we’re gonna get caught,” you say.
“no one’s here.”
“someone’s always here.”
he glances around.
empty rink.
quiet.
late.
⸻
“…not right now.”
⸻
you should move.
you don’t.
⸻
“you’re not helping,” you say.
“i’m not trying to.”
⸻
your shoulder presses into his again.
this time neither of you pretend it didn’t happen.
⸻
“what are we doing,” you mumble.
he’s quiet for a second.
then
“…i don’t know.”
honest.
as always.
⸻
you nod slightly.
“…okay.”
⸻
it’s not an answer.
but it’s enough.
for now.
⸻
because neither of you stop.
and neither of you really want to.
say my name softer (pt2)
(can people pls comment 😬)
the next day feels different.
not in a big, obvious way.
just… off.
you notice it the second you step onto the ice.
⸻
he’s already there.
of course he is.
leaning against the boards, arms crossed, watching someone else skate.
but when he sees you
he looks away.
too fast.
⸻
okay.
so it’s like that.
⸻
you pretend you don’t notice.
tie your skates, step onto the ice, warm up like normal.
everything feels normal.
except it’s not.
⸻
“you’re late,” he says when you skate past him.
you glance at the clock.
you’re not.
“no, i’m not.”
“you are.”
you narrow your eyes. “you’re annoying.”
“you’re distracting.”
the second he says it, he looks like he regrets it.
you stop.
“…what?”
he shakes his head quickly. “nothing.”
you don’t push it.
but you don’t forget it either.
⸻
practice is weird.
he keeps it professional.
too professional.
short instructions. no unnecessary talking.
no sitting next to you.
no lingering.
like last night didn’t happen.
⸻
it gets under your skin more than you expect.
⸻
you mess up.
not badly.
just enough.
but this time, when you look at him
he doesn’t soften.
“again,” he says.
flat.
you blink. “seriously?”
“again.”
“ilia—”
“again.”
you stare at him for a second.
then push off harder than you need to.
⸻
you land it.
clean.
better than before.
you turn, expecting something.
anything.
he just nods once. “good.”
that’s it.
⸻
you skate over, stopping right in front of him.
“are we just not gonna talk about it?”
he looks at you like he doesn’t know what you mean.
“about what.”
you let out a short, disbelieving laugh. “wow.”
“what.”
“last night?”
his jaw tightens slightly.
“that was a mistake,” he says.
just like that.
⸻
it hits harder than you thought it would.
you try not to show it.
“right,” you say. “okay.”
he doesn’t say anything else.
which somehow makes it worse.
⸻
“fine,” you add, pushing off again. “then let’s just practice.”
“that’s what we’re doing.”
“yeah,” you mutter. “clearly.”
⸻
you skate for another twenty minutes.
harder than you should.
faster. sharper. sloppier.
he notices.
of course he does.
⸻
“stop,” he calls.
you ignore him.
“stop.”
you don’t.
so he skates over, cutting you off.
you almost crash into him.
“what.”
“you’re not focusing.”
“i am.”
“no, you’re not.”
“why do you care?” you snap.
the second it comes out, you wish you could take it back.
but it’s too late.
⸻
he looks at you for a second.
really looks at you.
“because i do,” he says.
quiet.
honest.
not defensive.
just… true.
⸻
you swallow.
“then don’t act like nothing happened.”
he exhales, running a hand through his hair. “it shouldn’t have.”
“why.”
he doesn’t answer right away.
just looks away, like he always does when it gets too real.
“because i’m your coach,” he says finally.
“and?”
“and that matters.”
“to who.”
“to me.”
⸻
that stops you.
not in a good way.
just… enough to make everything feel heavier.
⸻
“okay,” you say after a second.
your voice is quieter now.
“then just be my coach.”
he nods.
“okay.”
⸻
you hate how much that hurts.
⸻
practice ends earlier than usual.
neither of you say much.
you sit at the boards, untying your skates.
he’s a few feet away.
not looking at you.
⸻
“you’re leaving?” he asks when you stand up.
you nod. “yeah.”
a pause.
then, softer, “see you tomorrow.”
you hesitate.
“…yeah.”
⸻
you start to walk away.
you really do.
⸻
“wait.”
you stop.
of course you do.
⸻
you turn back slowly.
he’s closer now.
you didn’t even hear him move.
⸻
“i didn’t mean that,” he says.
you frown slightly. “what.”
“that it was a mistake.”
your heart does something stupid.
“you said it was.”
“i know.”
“then why say it.”
he exhales, frustrated. “because it’s complicated.”
“it doesn’t have to be.”
“it does.”
“why.”
he looks at you like he’s trying to explain something he doesn’t fully understand himself.
“because if i mess this up,” he says, quieter now, “it’s not just me.”
you don’t respond.
you just watch him.
⸻
“i’m supposed to help you,” he continues. “not make things harder.”
you step a little closer.
“you’re not.”
he shakes his head slightly. “you don’t know that.”
“i do.”
“you don’t.”
“ilia.”
he goes quiet.
⸻
you’re closer now.
again.
like last night.
like you both didn’t learn anything.
⸻
“you’re overthinking it,” you say softly.
he almost laughs. “that’s my thing.”
“yeah, i noticed.”
⸻
a pause.
then
“i’m not saying nothing happened,” he says.
“good.”
“i’m just saying we should… take it slow.”
you study his face.
he’s serious.
nervous, even.
⸻
“…slow is fine,” you say.
he looks relieved.
just a little.
⸻
“but don’t pretend it didn’t happen,” you add.
“i won’t.”
“and don’t call it a mistake.”
“…i won’t.”
⸻
another pause.
this one feels different.
lighter.
⸻
“so what now?” you ask.
he glances at the rink, then back at you.
“…you come tomorrow.”
you smile a little. “that’s it?”
“for now.”
⸻
you nod.
“for now.”
⸻
you leave again.
but this time
it doesn’t feel like walking away.
just… waiting.
for whatever this is
to catch up with both of you.
say my name softer (pt1)
(okok im working on those requests there in my drafts but im starting a series story)
warnings - kissing (READER IS 18+)
you don’t call him ilia at first.
it feels wrong.
“coach,” you say instead, pushing off the boards.
he looks up from where he’s standing, arms crossed, watching you like he always does.
“again,” he says.
you exhale, already tired. “i just did it.”
“do it better.”
you glare at him for half a second before skating off.
⸻
he’s strict in a quiet way.
doesn’t yell. doesn’t make a scene.
just watches.
and somehow that’s worse.
because when you mess up, he doesn’t need to say anything.
you can already tell.
⸻
“you’re hesitating,” he says.
you stop, turning toward him. “i’m not.”
“you are.”
“i’m just tired.”
he tilts his head slightly. “then say that.”
you don’t respond.
you just push off again.
⸻
you fall on the second attempt.
not badly, but enough to sting.
you stay down longer than you should.
not because you’re hurt.
just… frustrated.
you hear his skates before you see him.
then he’s there, stopping right in front of you.
“you okay?”
you nod, even though you’re still on the ice. “yeah.”
he doesn’t move.
“get up,” he says, but it’s softer this time.
you sit up slowly, brushing ice off your hands.
he offers his hand.
you hesitate.
then take it.
⸻
his grip is warm.
steady.
he pulls you up easily, letting go right after.
professional.
of course.
still, your fingers feel weird after.
⸻
“you’re overthinking it,” he says.
you scoff. “i’m not.”
he looks at you. “you always say that.”
“because it’s true.”
“it’s not.”
you cross your arms. “then what is it?”
he doesn’t answer right away.
just studies you for a second longer than usual.
“you don’t trust yourself,” he says finally.
that hits harder than you expect.
you look away.
⸻
after that, something shifts.
not obvious.
just… different.
he says your name more.
not just corrections, not just instructions.
just your name.
like it means something.
⸻
“again,” he says one night, quieter than usual.
you laugh under your breath. “you’re obsessed with that word.”
“again.”
“ilia,” you correct without thinking.
he pauses.
just slightly.
but you notice.
⸻
you freeze too.
“…sorry.”
“don’t,” he says quickly.
you look at him.
“it’s fine.”
it doesn’t feel like it is.
it feels like something just changed.
⸻
you land it.
clean.
you turn immediately, looking at him.
this time, he smiles.
actually smiles.
“see?” he says.
your chest does something annoying.
“told you i could do it.”
“you didn’t say that.”
“i implied it.”
he huffs a quiet laugh.
⸻
it gets easier after that.
not the skating.
him.
you start talking more.
in between runs, sitting at the boards, catching your breath.
about random things.
music. school. nothing important.
but it feels important anyway.
⸻
“you stay late a lot,” he says one night.
“so do you.”
“i have to.”
“so do i.”
he looks at you like he doesn’t fully believe that.
“you don’t have to push this hard,” he says.
“you don’t have to coach this much.”
“…fair.”
⸻
it’s late.
empty rink, lights dimmed slightly.
you’re sitting on the ice, legs stretched out, skates digging faint lines into the surface.
he’s sitting beside you.
closer than usual.
not touching.
but close enough.
⸻
“why do you care so much?” you ask suddenly.
he glances over. “about what.”
“this,” you gesture vaguely. “me. my skating.”
he looks away again, like he always does when the question gets too real.
“…it’s my job.”
“no, it’s not,” you say quietly.
he doesn’t answer.
which is basically an answer.
⸻
your shoulder brushes his.
just barely.
neither of you move away.
⸻
“you said my name earlier,” he says after a while.
you freeze slightly. “yeah.”
“you don’t usually.”
“i know.”
“…why now.”
you shrug, even though he can’t really see it. “just felt right.”
there’s a pause.
longer than the others.
⸻
“say it again,” he says.
your heart stutters.
“…what.”
“my name.”
you turn your head, looking at him properly now.
he’s already looking at you.
too close.
way too close.
“ilia,” you say, quieter this time.
he exhales slowly.
like he didn’t realize he was holding his breath.
⸻
something shifts.
again.
but this time it’s not subtle.
⸻
he leans in first.
not fast.
not rushed.
like he’s giving you time to move away if you want to.
you don’t.
you stay exactly where you are.
so close you can feel his breath now.
your heart is beating way too loud.
“this is a bad idea,” you whisper.
“yeah,” he murmurs.
neither of you move back.
⸻
and then he kisses you.
soft at first.
careful.
like he’s still not fully sure he’s allowed to.
you are.
you definitely are.
your hand comes up without thinking, brushing against his hoodie.
he pulls back slightly, just enough to look at you.
“…we probably shouldn’t.”
“probably,” you agree.
you don’t sound very convincing.
he lets out a quiet breath, forehead almost touching yours now.
“you’re still coming tomorrow?” he asks.
you smile a little. “yeah.”
“good.”
⸻
the rink is still empty.
still quiet.
but it doesn’t feel the same anymore.
not when everything’s changed.
and neither of you are pretending it hasn’t.
HIHI thank you for all the requests im working through them now!!