Ember

Hey fuckers. My name is Ender. I'm transmasc. I use He/Him. Please try your best to use them. I won't get mad if you unintentionally use the wrong ones. I like snakes. I'm asexual, but not aro. I'm Biromantic. I like to think im funny but i'm probably not. Interests: Harry Potter fanfiction (i fell in love with HP when i was like seven, and unfortunately it has rooted too deep in my brain, so now i read fanfiction because it is the only HP media I can consume guiltlessly), Formula 1, Reading, Theatre, making random noises, drums.

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I, much to the surprise of everyone around me, am not ACAB. I am ACASB.

All cops are Schrödinger’s Bastards. They are neither bastards nor non bastards until proven guilty.

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I really think the writers of White Collar messed up by making Neal straight. I don’t have many grievances with them, but this is one of them.

That man is too cunty not to be. Like who sees a man who can use guns but doesn’t like them, only wears designer suits, is perfectly put together, charismatic as fuck, an artist, and a history nerd, and goes “ah yes he’s heterosexual.”

I know the show was released in 2009, and that could explain it, but they’ve never shied away from stuff like that. First episode, the second smartest (other than Neal) character is revealed as a lesbian. Bomer was/is an openly gay actor, and already had a kid.

I would have loved to see Neal Caffery be gay, and Matt Bomer to play his most popular role true to himself.

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i haven’t been to therapy in a month.

i can tell you for certain my mental health is not doing well.

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the only time i’ll read a romance where the MC has to pretend she’s a boy is if she ends up trans.

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If you would like to skip my story telling, go to the stars for the funny part

I was in the big city near where I live seeing a musical. It was late at night and I had to take a piss, but we didn’t want to wait in lines (i was with my parents). My dad, the very smart man he is, planned this, and had us park a few blocks away from the theater near his office building. It’s open 24 hours. When I say this building is fancy, I mean it. Marble flooring and walls, elevator banks that only go to certain floors, and turnstiles (ish, they have like glass that opens) that lead to them. We go up to the 45th floor, and go to the bathroom. My dad then shows us around. He takes us to the “cafe” which is a fully stocked kitchen where everything is free. He showed us his office, etc.

********

When we were in the elevator on the way down, I asked who was the head of the *city* office (they have a couple branches). He gave like six people before my mom cut him off,

“He is.”

(I also want to clarify that when I say big company I don’t mean something like amazon. He works at a financial firm.)

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When your drum lesson starts at six but you’ve been sitting in the lobby for half an hour because your brother takes speed limits as a suggestion, not a law.

I’d wager that he’d win in a race against Lance Stroll.

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I theorize Max Verstappen DNF’d on purpose so his son Antonelli could get points.

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Ferrari Engineers: *say something* Hamilton or Leclerc: Fuck Off

Mercedes: *say something* Antonelli and Russell: Thanks :) I value your input.

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my mom saw a Mercedes that hit the wall of a store on the saturday of Barcelona. I had a genuine existential crisis about it, think it was an omen for the race the next day. my parents called me ridiculous. WELL WHAT DO YOU FUCKING KNOW? KIMI DNF’D!

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ik i seem like a bandwagon F1 fan since my favorite teams are Mercedes, Red Bull, and Ferrari, respectively, and my favorite drivers are Antonelli, Verstappen, and Leclerc, but i can explain.

The first piece of F1 media I saw was the F1 drivers fears video. I thought Kimi saying “pineapple on pizza” without hesitation was hilarious. Then, i started watching interviews, Max Verstappen’s blunt AF answers were fucking funny. Then I saw a picture of Charles Leclerc, he looked dead in the eyes. I thought mood.

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I got the red bull lego. the big one. i was super excited. now, im a mercedes fan, but i can never find it in stock, so i figured that i might as well get my second favorite. i went to show my dad and he went “traitor.” like i wasn’t the one who like mercedes first and my dad just kinda went along with it.

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at the bone doctor. gonna find out why my back is being a little bitch

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I was just watching F1, and i came to a conclusion.

If an intense battle between Max and Antonelli or Russell breaks out on the final lap, Antonelli or Russell trying to overtake him. If Max thought that continuing the battle would lead to a DNF, he would let Antonelli pass, preferring to take a place down than DNF. If it was Russell, he’d rather crash and take Russell out with him.

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Normally, I hate age gaps. I think they’re weird. However- in My Happy Marriage, the FMC is 20, and the MMC is 26. I personally think that because of the specific abuse Miyo went through, I think it works well. The MMC has a certain maturity that someone her age likely wouldn’t. He has life experience, and a calmness to him that works well with Miyo.

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soooo. i was recently in Matilda the musical as Trunchbull. i was the oldest kid in the cast by at least four years, and an average of six.

This would be fine, except one of Trunchbulls lines, in a song, is, “This school of late, has started reeking. Quiet maggots while i’m speaking.”

I potentially said, “Quiet faggots while i’m speaking.” My director was crying laughing. Same with the tech crew. We had to have a conversation with some of the younger kids about how words can hurt, and faggot is one of them.

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is “who wears the pants in the relationship” straight person for “who’s the top?”

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my biggest flex was that when i was in the summer second grade, my friends and i did a popsicle stand. We used soda and special popsicle molds. I came up with the name Soda Pops. I’m sure a fuckton of people have already done that, but i’m still proud.