True Facts about The Great State of Texas:
-You are legally required to say âThe Great State ofâ before every utterance of the word Texas.Â
-Barbeque is a blood type.
-You are required to have a favorite football team and no, they donât mean that stuff with the round ball.
-Fixinâ is a completely valid verb and it is spelled correctly.
-Austin is overrun by people from California and as such it is every native born son or daughterâs duty to complain about them.
-You will at some point in your time in The Great State of Texas come across a âTexas Truckâ which is a brand new, white, double wide truck with oversized wheels and a lift kit that prominently displays a cross on the back window that may or may not be bedazzled. This truck will be driven by a woman with giant fried blond hair who will wear a bejeweled top with crosses on it.
-UT vs A&M is a Thing and even if you donât get it you have to play along with it.
-There is really only one safe conversation topic in Texas. The Weather. Bring it up and everyone will heave a sigh of relief because we can all agree It Is Too Damn Hot.
-Speed limits are more like guidelines that actual laws.
-Except in Giddings. Fuck Giddings.
-Your children will either get shipped off to the Texas Renaissance Festival or Schlitterbahn at least once in their career as school children.
-There are multiple water parks called Schlitterbahn.Â
-No. I did not make that name up.
-Houston and Dallas like to pretend the other does not exist. San Antonio would like to remind everyone that they exist and theyâre quite good at basketball.
-Austin is 2000% done with SXSW.
-It can take you three hours to drive from one side of Houston to the other if the traffic is particularly gnarly.
-The tumbleweeds live out west in Lubbock. They are carnivorous and you should run away from them at first sight.
-No one knows if Lubbock really exists or if itâs just a place the witness protection agency made up.
-East The Great State of Texas is apparently a lot like Louisiana, which is where beignets come from and your parents and grandparents go to gamble.
-The Great State of Texas can legally be split into 7 states and they would all argue over which one is the Real Texas.
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