Sarah @stsxrxh - Tumblr Blog

Useless, not a good mom, not a good wife, im not good in everything.

I cant even make my partner happy..

I dont deserve anything good in this world. I’m not grateful, I always be mad with person that I actually love.

I hate everything about me.

Ya Allah, please teach and guide me to love You more than your creatures, in a very calming way. I dont want to hurt people & i dont want to be hurt.

Please let me seek for forgiveness for the ones that I’ve hurt whether intentionally or unintentionally.

Please let me be closer to You and practice my life from what have you guide us through Al-Quran and Sunnah.

Moment of Silence.

I’ve been staring and thinking what I want to write, but it is just so much that it went blank…

Theres so many things to let it out, and yet, nothing came out.

Many unwanted feelings, mixed feelings, and miserable thoughts.

I’m stuck in so many ways, as a partner, as a daughter, as a mom, as a friend, & as a sibling.

I always want to be the best for everyone, wants the best for everyone, to make everyone around me happy or at least they are happy with me. But, no matter how much I’ve tried, there are things I need to let go. Letting go is not okay, for me.

To carry so much weight on your own, is not easy. Im not going to tell people how much it weigh me because people may not understand.

I hope one day, some day, they all will understand that I only have pure intentions for my every actions.

Today, my heart shattered into pieces, my soul is empty and lost. I need my own time to gather it all to make me feel content again.

soul-from-another-era

AFTER 131 DAYS

My heart was filled with full of love right after i took my baby out of the incubator and put it in my arms. He was so small, so cute, so strong and such a cheeky boy.

Oh the indescribable feeling when i hugged him so tight, i feel like i want to be with him with all my life, to protect him no matter what, to love him unconditionally, and all the things that a mother would do. It was indeed one of the best feeling ever.

My baby was just staring at me with his sparkling eyes, and look at the surroundings as that was the first time he was held in my arms. Eventhough i wore the facemask but it can’t hide my nonstop-smiling-face behind it Hehe. It was amazing. Subhanallah.

After several times i hold him, now he’s very smart that everytime he sees me, he started crying so that i can straightaway take him out of the babycot 😂 but i love it!

This post i made it special because other mothers may feel what I felt right after they give birth. Unlike me, it took 131 days for me to hold my baby. But i’m still so grateful, Alhamdulillah.

I promise to try my best to be a good mommy to him, to teach him all the good things that I could, to ensure that my baby will be a good servant of Allah, be a good muslim, insyaAllah.

May Allah ease everything for my family.

May Allah ease for the life of Ku Anas Siddiq.

A new mother,

Sara ♥️

Hospital experience (Wad Bersalin 5E)

Wow, i never imagined that i’m going through this. Warded in a government hospital during this covid-19 is really no joke. As we all know, no one can even accompanying the patients even the closest family members including husband. Not having him by my side is really something that I feel lost the most.

But anyway, that is what we all need to go through. When I entered the ward, i was like, okay im not the only one that need to go through this. The best part is (somehow i feel like its a miracle), i am still standing strong here despite whatever stories i’ve heard from others. And i am very sure the strength that I gain is none other from the Almighty, Allah SWT. I knew He is with me, He has the best plan for me and my family, He knew I can do this. MasyaAllah, Alhamdulillah.

My parents’ prayers are also the main reason behind my strength. I can feel it. Umi was feeling guilty because she is in Makkah/Madinah doing her Umrah and she felt that she cant be here for me. But little did she know, I am actually grateful that she is there. Allah chose her to be in the most holiest place ever at this kind of time. MasyaAllah, indeed Allah is the best planner. I couldn’t ask for more. Papa has been praying for all of us, day and night, being the backbone of the family in his silence, is the way he’s showing his love. I can see and feel that too.

Not to forget, my family members and good friends that keep on praying for me. Their doa is indeed the best give ever. My in-laws has been sooo supportive all the way. I am so so blessed to have them in my life. Greatest gift ever. Sooo much love for each and everyone of them.

This one goes to my husband, Ku Muhammad Luqman Hakim. I dont know how to say it into words, but he is one in a billion I must say. I have the most supportive, the best husband in the world. No words can describe how much I really appreciate him and may Allah will always bless our marriage until the highest Jannah. May Allah give whats best for him, give him strength, health, wealth and all the goodness in dunya & hereafter. His sacrifices to make me the happiest wife, to give whats best for me, is really the next level of my imagination and expectation. Even me, myself dont know how to return it to him. Hopefully i can be a good wife to you too, sayang. And I will keep on praying for us. You deserve every kindness and loves as much as you give to others. I love you so so so much forever and always. ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

Ya Allah, please continuously give us strength for my baby especially, to be the strongest baby ever. May he can survive whats planned for him by You. May he will be the person that will devote his life to your path. InsyaAllah. Please make ease for everything and everyone.

Lots of love, Sara.

Semoga anak ini membesar dengan sempurna fizikal dan akal. Yang boleh membezakan perkara benar atau salah, baik atau buruk dan benda yang mendatangkan faedah atau tidak. Paling penting semoga imannya akan sentiasa tinggi dan sentiasa ingin mencari kebenaran di jalan Allah.

Let me feel the real meaning of love. And i know, I only have you that deserve everything.

A Day To Remember.

30 May 2021 is the day where I am officially a wife to my husband.

One of the happiest day of my life. I never imagine that this day has finally come. Even myself was still waiting for my solemnisation day and who’s gonna be my husband.

I am so so grateful that our journey since we met has been so easy. Im praying that Allah will always make it easy for our marriage journey until His jannah.

I am aware that marriage is not an easy process, so much to be patience, to adapt, to change, etc. But i am ready and i am willing to change as long as it is for the better of us.

Having him by my side is a bless. I can see his love towards me is pure. He is one in a million and i could not ask for more. May this marriage will lead us to be a better muslim, to be closer to Allah. InsyaAllah.

I pray that Allah will bless our marriage forever with loves and happiness, pray that my husband can lead me the way to the right path, my family can accept and love him as much as they accept and love me (also for his family). May our love will grow stronger

Tbh, i still feels like a dream, like “omg am i actually married?!?!” Hahaha but its better this time, a dream came true.

I cant thank my family enough for their hardwork and to make every of my dream come true! A true unconditional love.

Oh and, not to forget, i have add my new parents and 5 instant siblings and whats not to love about that! They are all amazing in their own way. Alhamdulillah alhamdulillah, is the best i could say right now.

May this love stays together forever.

#SaraTakeALuq

Lotsoflove, Sara ♥️

Promise

I’m just gonna put it here. A promise that should never be broken.

Lots of love,

Sara.

23.02.21

Yayyyy its our first session of jog together! This is some how a reason why i keep on falling in love with him. He pushed and encouraged me to be better day by day. Rode a motorcycle to my place just to jog with me knowing that I only get semangat to jog (or basically do everything) when he’s around. Eventhough he knew very well that berapa minit sangat je la pun i can jog, yang lain semua jalan je because my stamina not so good 😭 Still, he said that i was doing good enough for a first timer and gave all the motivation that I need. I wish i can always give him whatever supports and motivation when he needed and always be there for him no matter what. He deserve all the attention, loves and all the kindness in this world. You are already a good person, sayang.

I love you now and then to forever ♥️

Yours truly, Sara.

If i didnt end up with him, i’m not sure whether i can love someone again after that.

I’m still praying and hoping that he’ll be the last. But im just gonna prepare myself for the worst.

May Allah show me the path and make ease for everything.

LOL, Sara ♥️

Definition of love

Love is when you know very well the weakness and bad side of your partner, but you’re staying anyway.

It is when you can put all that aside and still see the good in that person.