I'm simply simple but completely complex

Hi. I'm Carol & my favorite emoji is probably the cool one.

[incendavery]

it’s HARD ok

[stuff-n--things]

me: *is frustrated*

me @ me: dont u fuckin do it

me: *starts tearing up*

me @ me: OHHHHHHHHH MY GOD

[alexisreneg]

[stuff-n--things]

officer: license and registration

me: *hands officer a card*

officer: this is a get out of jail free card from the game of monopoly

me: yes

officer: you got lucky this time, have a good night

[vinstage]

[oosanbashi-deactivated20190503]

[vinesnow]

[yourzombiepinup-deactivated2016]

I thought this video died

[unicornriiarchive]

I QUOTE THIS CONSTANTLY AND NO ONE FUCKING KNOWS ABOUT THIS

[beyoncebeytwice]

[andresiapi]

[gratitudecafe]

i mean

[pottaplanta]

[incalescentheart]

[micdotcom]

Watch: Leonardo DiCaprio calls to end climate change in Oscar acceptance speech.

[s-c-i-guy]

He worked like 20 something years to win an award and when he finally did he used his 30 second speech to talk about the environment. Fuck yes.

[sci-universe]

Over the last few years, DiCaprio has steadily donated his celebrity - and at least $30m in funding according to his foundation - to help advance the United Nations climate negotiations, protect coral reefs and tigers, to stop overfishing, to create marine reserves in the Pacific, and spread public awareness about the dangers of climate change. (from How Leonardo DiCaprio became one of the world’s top climate change champions)

[shaycode]

I’ve convinced myself the 2016 election isn’t even real at this point. “Please clap” and Jeb giving out turtles that he carried in his pocket?? 38% of Florida voters thinking Ted Cruz could be the Zodiac Killer?? Donald Trump saying he could literally shoot anyone and he’d still get support? Marco reading mean tweets?? Talks of drafting Mitt Romney?? Bernie dancing to Hotline Bling?? Rand flipping the media off?? Ben Carson’s rap ad?? John Kasich making a bacon Snapchat filter?? Hillary dabbing for votes?? Like, just imagine all the stuff that’s gonna be put in the history books

[blackwallsbones-deactivated2016]

[d-voldo-deactivated20190607]

[alongfalltothetop-deactivated20]

Oh I’m an asshole.

So today pulling into Stop and Shop, this lady cut me off and nearly drove into me, and then, when I tried to pass her, she swung to the right and nearly hit me again, and then flipped me off.

So somebody is having a bad day and taking it out on me. That’s fine. It’s harmless, and I don’t know what’s going on in this woman’s life. I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt she’s not just a piece of shit and is just having a bad day.

But then I park and she follows me, and gets out of the car and starts swearing at me and getting in my face.

Now I go from “indifferent” to “I’m gonna fuck with this woman’s head.” Now I would say I’m a gentleman of size, and in all black and bemohawked I probably look spookier than I actually am, so props to this lady for getting in my face. Now of course I’m not going to hit her, or even threaten violence. That’s shitty. Nobody should get threatened with violence.

Instead, I take a step back, narrowing my eyes like I’m studying her face really closely, and then I touch one of the several piece of “occulty” jewelry I’m wearing (none of which, by the way, are magicked in any way at all). Then I mumble some nonsense under my breath, and then make the fig gesture and the horns at her.

She stops, wide-eyed.

“WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST DO TO ME?”

I chuckled, and shake my head. “Nothing at all.” I say in a not-terrible convincing voice. “But every time something bad happens to you today, you’re gonna be thinking of me.”

Then I winked at her, and walked away.

[curiowitch]

[wickedkhaleesi-blog]

This is savage and genius