Once upon a time, in a horrendous, bestiality ridden town where people used their ped-egg shavings as toothpaste, there was an inbred rabid Cerberus named “PunchMyFaceGently” (Oh, and by the way, a Cerberus is a three headed dog. Just so there’s no confusion). One day, PunchMyFaceGently was walking to the candy lady’s house to purchase a quarter water, when he noticed the sky beginning to darken. The Cerberus tried the best he could to resist the urge to piss himself out of nervousness, but was unsuccessful. PMFG was anxious about the upcoming storm because he knew that the collar around his throat had some metal on it, and lightning tends to strike metal objects first. The sky gets darker, grayer, and begins to move hastily as people are starting to run and scream “Augh, help! A beast like none other is in our presence!” PunchMyFaceGently was convinced that they were running in fear from the upcoming storm, and challenged it by doing everything it has been said not to do during a hurricane.
For example, they made loud noises, used appliances that require electricity, and they wasted a lot of basic food items that would have come in handy in case they were stranded at home due to the storm. Cerberus was struck by lightning, and died instantaneously. When the dogs got to heaven, they noticed a few things without effort. First, they realized that they were no longer PunchMyFaceGently anymore, they were three separate dogs; Punch, who had an abnormal affinity for fruit juice of all varieties. Myface, was way too concerned with his looks, and Gently, who, as you may have guessed, was an abrasive, brash, pain in the you know what who was everything but gentle. It was made clear to them by an angel that the townspeople weren’t running in fear from a beast in the sky, they were running from the three of them when they were a Cerberus. This enlightened the three weirdly named dogs, and they wanted to go back to earth to let people know that they shouldn’t fear hurricanes nor dogs, as it is human beings who allow their ignorance to drive them to harm others, not innocent creatures or natural happenings in the sky that they have little to no control over, but are still pretty dangerous. They wanted to go back to planet Earth to spread the news about them not having to be feared anymore, but they were told that in order for them to be granted permission to go back to Earth, they would have to be kicked out of Heaven, like that one guy. But, for them to be kicked out, they would need to commit a sin, and when they get to Earth, they would no longer be three separate dogs, and they would remain a Cerberus until they either died or had children. Anyway, Punch, Myface, and Gently were pretty sure they wanted to go back to earth and get on good terms with a few people. So, in order to get kicked out of Heaven, the three dogs who happened to be brothers made a conscious decision to fuck each other doggy style out of martyrdom in Heaven. As soon as you could say “trap door”, one formed in the cloud they were bumping uglies on and they fell right down onto Earth, as a Cerberus. So, when they got to Earth, they talked to the townspeople and didn’t get anyone to change their perspective, because no one would let a Cerberus get close enough to hold an influential conversation with them
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