Dear Diary
I was thinking about a former Denial sub of mine and I wrote this. I thought some of you might have fun reading it...
Denial Day 67 (May 17, 2020)
(6:37 am)
Good morning! Dominus has started me toward my first edge today. He is using His tongue. Itās so hard to concentrate on writing while He is doing that. But I suppose that is the point. I had SO MANY sex dreams last night! Probably because of my date coming up tonight. Dominus still wonāt tell me which of His friends Iāll be meeting. He wonāt even say if itās somebody Iāve met before. Iām hoping Heāll let me take my belt off for the date, but Iām scared to ask. I want to cum so bad! Iāve never felt this needy before. And, of course, I love it. Iām terrified Heās not going to let me cum before JuNo and then itāll be at least another 30 days. I donāt know if Iāll be able to make it that far. Iāll maybe have to literally LIVE in my belt. Can I trust myself otherwise? The scary thing is, lately when Iāve been edging myself, thereās a small part of me that is HOPING Iāll make a mistake. Itās been so long since Iāve felt that explosion. Here comes an edge. Bye!
(7:38 am)
Dominus started my day with six edges. All with His tongue and fingers. Then He locked me into my belt. My pussy is on fire. BUTā¦ He told me I get to take my belt off tonight for my date! Then He told me Heās going to let his friend fuck me! I told Him that sounds wonderful but after 66 days Iām scared I wonāt be able to hold back. Especially with a man who doesnāt know my body as well as He does and who doesnāt know the signs of when to stop. And He saidā¦ thatās okay! He said I have His permission! Iām going to cum tonight! Iām sad that Dominus wonāt be there with me when it happens, but it still feels like it will be His orgasm. And Iāll tell Him all about it. But Iām so excited!
(8:24 am)
I keep reaching down between my legs and being surprised when all I feel is cold metal under my fingers. My clit is so... activated. I keep rubbing anyway. I canāt help it. I was walking by the couch and I just started humping the arm. I didnāt decide to hump the arm, I was just walking by and then I noticed I was humping it. Of course I canāt feel anything, but just the motion of humping feels good in a way. Dominus walked in on me. He laughed at me and I stopped but He told me to keep going, so I did. He took out His phone and started videoing me. Naked except for my belt. Whimpering so hard I was almost crying. He told me He wanted to see me cum, which meant He wanted me to have a fake orgasm. Fake orgasms during Denial areā¦ torturous. Thereās no other word for it. Itās pure torture to fake like youāre getting exactly what youāre dying for. And itās so demeaning. Which is exactly why He loves it, of course. One time when I had a friend of His in my ass and Him in my mouth He said to me, āJust imagine if your parents walked in here right now. Imagine what they would think of their little girl.ā I often remember that when Iām doing something particularly degrading. Like when I was humping that chair with my belt on and pretending to have a mind blowing orgasm. What if somebody I respect saw me doing that? Why am I such a whore that it turns me on to think of that? What made me this way? Well, now Iām dressed and sitting in my car. Dominus is keeping the key to my belt today instead of giving me the lock box, which means Iāll be coming home during lunch for edges. Off to work now!
(10:37 am)
Iām so HORNY! Of course, Iām always horny, but usually I can do other things. I can confine the need to a corner of my brain so I can do things like respond to email, or have a normal fucking conversation. But all morning Iāve just been sitting and staring and thinking about how horny I am. And wondering who Iāll be fucking tonight. Wondering if heās good looking or fat or smelly or stupid and then realizing I DONāT CARE. My fingers have been in my pants all morning. Exploring the belt. Looking for gaps. I know there are none. Iāve tried a million times. Today Iāve been absentmindedly trying to dig my way to my clit. Trying to tunnel between the belt and my skin. Tugging at it. Tearing at it. Thank god I have an office because Iām not sure I could stop myself even if I was still in one of the cubes. Iām writing this one handed. Bill came in a bit ago and I still have no idea what he wanted. When he walked in I was humping. Not humping anything. Just sitting in my chair and grinding. Bill started talking and I heard nothing. I immediately started imagining sucking his cock. Sucking Billās cock! I imagined having to move rolls of fat out of my way to get at his cock, which I imagined as miniscule. And I fucking gobbled it up. I sucked his cock into my face like it was the last cock on earth. I imagined his giant fat belly squished up against my cheek as I gleefully slobbed all over his dick. At one point he asked if I was okay! He had to ask twice because the first time I was too busy imagining him grunting like a pig and busting all over my face. And I was loving it! I apologized and said I was distracted today and he said something and left and I had to struggle to stop myself from asking if heād like me to suck him off behind my desk. Even right now thereās a part of me that wants to call him and ask him to come back! One time when we were still new Dominus told me He was going to turn me into a ācock starved cum whoreā and it turned me on to hear Him say it but really inside I thought it was just dirty talk. And now here I am! I almost asked my disgusting, sweating, fat nightmare of a boss if I could drink his cum in my office.
(11:39am)
Dominus just texted me. He wants me to come home for lunch like I thought He would. When Heās not going to tell me to come home for lunch He sends me to work with my belt key in a lock box. That way if I really need to get out of it He can tell me the code and I can get the key. But Heās got the key and Iām about to head home.
(12:53 pm)
I have no idea how many times He just edged me.Ā Stopped counting at around 12. There is straight electricity between my legs right now. Iām practically a walking edge. Iām going to explode as soon as Dominusā friend looks at me tonight. Heās going to think heās the greatest thing Iāve ever had between my legs. Say what you want about what Iāve become, I am definitely good for the male ego! So now Iām aĀ total mess, safely locked away back into my belt. Dominus kept the key again, which means Iāll be coming home before my date. Unless Heās going to give it to His friend? Sitting in my car right now, about to head back to work for an afternoon of dry humping and imagining doing depraved things to my co-workers while I flood my panties through the grate in my belt. Bye!
(1:27 pm)
Dominus just sent me a picture of the guy Iāll be fucking tonight. Heās so hot! I mean, like āJustin Trudeau doing yogaā hot. This is going to be the longest afternoon of my entire life. And then I have to sit through an entire dinner staring at that face and wishing I was sitting on it! I might die. If I didnāt know I was going to be getting fucked later I might be going after this fucking belt with a hacksaw.
(3:15 pm)
I canāt stop trying to dig my way under this belt. Iām going to hurt myself! Itās literally impossible for me to work so Iām just sitting here imagining all the things I want to do tonight with my hands shoved into my pants trying to find any weakness in this metal monstrosity! Iām a mess!
(4:50 pm)
Almost time to go. Iām legitimately scared I might cause an accident on the way home.
(7:27 pm)
This is so fucked up! Iām so angry and so horny. As soon as I walked in the front door Dominus was standing there and all He said was, āNadu at the foot of the bed. Nude.ā And he handed me my belt key. So I said, āyes, Dominusā and went into the bedroom and strippped naked, unlocked my belt, and finally freed my desperate little kitty. You have no idea how hard it was for me to not immediately start rubbing my clit, but we both know the consequences for touching without permission, and I figured Heād be in shortly to edge me so I got into Nadu and waited. It was almost 6:00 when He finally came in! I was there for almost 50 minutes, dripping onto the floor beneath me. He came in and He grabbed a handful of my hair and He maneuvered me onto the bed, crosswise so my head was at the side of the bed. Then He tied me down, spread eagle with my head dangling over the edge. And He left. And He didnāt come back until almost 7:00! Practically two hours since I came home! At 7 He came in and used my mouth. While I was still swallowing His cum He put a blindfold on and a ball gag in my mouth. I felt Him between my legs and assumed He was about to edge me. I felt Him using his fingers to pull back my skin and expose my clit and then He started rubbing it. It felt so amazing! Then I realized He was rubbing some kind of cream on me. It burned just a little at first and then it turned cold and I started to fear what it was. Then He taped some sort of patch over my clit and locked me back into my belt. He untied my right hand and then he walked out and I heard the front door open and close. I was able to free myself and take off the blindfold and remove the ball gag. By this point I was starting to lose sensation in my clit and I knew I was right. When youāre wearing a chastity belt, nothing can touch your clit. Because of the rubber padding between the belt and your skin, the metal is raised up and it doesnāt ever brush against your clit. Otherwise you could just move the belt back and forth and it would stroke your clit and you could cum. But the belt leaves your clit completely untouched. But that doesnāt mean you canāt feel anything. Thatās part of the awful nature of the chastity belt. The rubber is pressed tightly against your skin right next to your pussy. So every time you move it pulls on that skin which in turn even more lightly pulls the skin covering your clit which, of course, stimulates your clit. But just the tiniest bit. So every time you move youāre reminded that youāre wearing a chastity belt and are not allowed sexual touch while simultaneously giving your clit a miniscule jolt. All day. Every time you move. It is cruel genius. I highly recommend it for all denial whores. But now when I move, I feel nothing. I reached down and moved my belt around with my hands. Nothing. He rubbed lidocaine all over my clit. And Iām sure that patch He put on me was covered in it, so it will keep seeping into my clit all throughout dinner. Itās working itās way deeper into my nerve endings right now. Turning them off. And turning me on. Making sure I wonāt be able to feel a thing in my clit later tonight. If I could wash it off right now sensation might return in time for the end of my date. But itās locked away from my touch. Iām trapped. Even now as Iām writing this I can tell my clit is gone. Iām on the verge of tears here. As soon as I was free I texted Dominus. This is the exchange. He told me to include this in my diary.
Me: Dominus! You said I could cum tonight!
D: You have my permission to cum. Have fun!
Me: But you made it so I canāt cum!
D: No, I gave you permission. You have my permission to cum. Lucky girl.
Me: But I canāt feel my clit!
D: Stop yelling at me.
Me: Iām sorry, Dominus. Iām frustrated. Please forgive me, Dominus.
D: I know youāre frustrated. Thatās how youāre supposed to live your life now. Thatās how you want to live your life. Thatās what you asked me to give you.
Me: I know, Dominus. Thank you, Dominus.
D: Good girl. You still have my permission to cum tonight. Youāll just have to do it without your clit.
Me: Thank you, Dominus.
And the worst part isā¦ heās right! I did ask for this! And I do love it! All of it. Even when Iām imagining moving Billās sweat-soaked blubber out of my way so I can get my mouth on his disgusting, tiny cock, Iām hornier than Iāve ever been in my life! Argh! I need to get dressed for my date. Bye!
(8:42 pm)
Iām in the bathroom at the restaurant. Heās waiting so I donāt have long. Heās so fucking hot! Got a text from Dominus with the code for the lock box. He said I should clean up down there before leaving. Iām sure itās so that none of the remaining cream gets on Samās cock so we wonāt ruin his fun. I excused myself and raced to the bathroom and opened the lock box, took the key out, and practically ripped my belt off. And then I started rubbing away at my clit right here in the stall. Nothing. Itās completely dead. Like your cheeks when you leave the dentist. You can tell something is touching it, but you canāt feel the touch at all. I can still feel inside my pussy, so the sex will still feel good, but Iāll never be able to cum without my clit. Who knows? Maybe the sensation will come back in time.
(11:17 pm)
Dateās over. Iām sitting in my car. Crying. Didnāt cum. Maybe Iāll never cum again. Maybe my last orgasm was the last orgasm Iāll ever feel. I was so good to Sam in there. A total whore. Pretty much the instant we were through the door I dropped to my knees. I sucked his dick for like 45 minutes. My jaw is still sore. I was a genius tonight. A cock sucking Mensa member. I made him acknowledge the existence of gods. I was truly brilliant. When he came I think his life flashed before his eyes. I was trying to use up time. I was trying to give my clit a chance to come back to life before I got fucked. After the best blow job in the history of blow jobs he led me to his bedroom and I pushed him onto his bed and did a strip tease for him. A long, slow, torturous strip tease. Still stalling for as much time as possible. He was hard as a rock again when I was finally naked. I joined him in bed and he put me on my back. He climbed on top of me and kissed me. He slid down my body. He kissed my neck. He sucked my tits. He kissed my stomach. He kissed my thighs. He buried his tongue inside my pussy and it felt so good. And then he licked my clit. Nothing. He licked it slow and he licked it fast. He licked it gently and he licked it hard. He might as well have been licking my pillow. It was as if my clit had been removed. I started crying. He thought the noises I was making were pleasure. He asked, āYou like that?āĀ and kept going. I made some noise that might have been a yes and tried to stop crying, which I was mostly able to do by the time he started fucking me. As soon as he pushed himself inside I exploded with pleasure. It truly felt amazing. It was wonderful. And I knew in my soul that I would never cum from it. So I decided I might as well just enjoy it as much as possible. As soon as I gave up the hope of an orgasm it got even better. It felt so good to have him inside me. I flipped us over so I was on top. I ground myself hard down onto him. Pushed him all the way into me and kept him pressed there and ground my hips back and forth. Slowly. And then something amazing happened. Something unexpected. I felt the blossoming of an orgasm. The very first blush that tells you it might happen. But I still couldnāt feel my clit. Nothing was there. And yetā¦ I felt that an orgasm was possible. It was building so slowly though! I kept Sam pressed all the way into me and humped as hard as I could. That was the only way I could possibly get there. And it was working! It was building! Unfortunately, tragically, it was also getting Sam there. I told him not to cum yet. He told me to slow down. But if I slowed down, I knew my orgasm would die. I told him, āI canāt.ā He told me he was going to cum. I fucked him harder and faster. Filled with the desperation of 67 days. I begged him not to cum, tears in my eyes. And then he came inside me and I started weeping. Sobbing. I knew at that point that I would actually be able to cum, even without my clit. But not without his hard cock inside me, and I knew his hard cock wouldnāt be hard for long enough. So I was humping, grinding, racing. Literally weeping with frustration. I felt him getting softer and softer and then he slipped out. Limp and useless. All Iād managed to do was surf an orgasm. I didnāt even get to the edge. I flopped down beside him and he went down on me to use his mouth to finish me. Heās a nice guy so I faked a mind-blowing orgasm, which was one of the most frustrating parts of the night. I got dressed and left and now Iām sitting in my car sobbing in the quiet dark. Iām so horny.
(12:41 am)
About half way home I felt the sensation returning to my clit. By the time I got home my clit was weeping in frustration almost as much as I was. Dominus was wonderful. He held me and asked all about my night. We talked about it and He asked me if I wanted to cum. And I thought about it and I thought about the moment after the orgasm. After the waves of pleasure have dissipated, when Iām lying there and itās over. And I know what it would be like. Iād be disappointed. Iād be ashamed for giving in. Iād feel less submissive. I would miss the constant horniness. So I said no. Dominus just said, āGood girl. I wasnāt going to let you anyway, but good girl.āĀ So I gave Dominus the second best blow job in the history of blow jobs and he let me hump his shin while I did it. And I loved every second of it. I know Dominus will make me cum eventually. He says I have to cum from time to time so my body will never forget how it feels, so that I will always know what Iām missing. What Iāve sacrificed. Because thatās what makes the frustration so bad. Knowing exactly whatās being denied to me. And itās my frustration that makes my Man cum so hard. I know Heāll make me cum again. But maybe Heāll let me get through JuNo before He does.
Denial Day 68 (May 18, 2020)
Good morning! Dominus has started me toward my first edge of the day. He is using the tip of his cock against my clit...
