06.07.26 - How I'm Feeling Right Now
Hi girl hey. Well ya girl has been going through it this weekend. I spent all of yesterday and majority of today with Chris. Her place is soo fucking peaceful. I knew something was off with her tho. She had some terrible news about her sister. She was basically murdered. She found out she was brain dead today. A few hours after I left her place. I feel so bad for her. She hasn't experienced loss like this before and she's getting hit back to back with it. She is going to be okay but it hurts you to see your friends hurt too.
Timing sucks because I am about to move back to my hometown. Idk today I was reallyyyy fucking high thinking about my move back. Now don't get me wrong. I am completely setting myself up for success by moving back. I won't have the stress of work or worry about paying bills. Life on the coast moves soo fucking slow. I will be calm around family and friends but for some fucking reason. The little voice in my head kept saying that I was going to f*il and get back home and a year has gone by and I have lost the entire plot and I am fucking stuck in Mississippi. idk why those thoughts were popping in my head. Actually I know why those thoughts were popping into my head. Fucking change is at my fucking feet. And because change and I have a love hate relationship when I feel I havent fully embraced the change to come. I start to self-doubt. The fucking fact of the mattter is this. I am going home. I am going to work on my fitness and get the body I want. I will lock the fuck in like no one has locked the fuck in and I will take the lsat twice and get the scores I want both times. I will apply the schools and do all the things and I will secure scholarships and funding. Once my application process is all settled. I will go fucking travel around europe and asia. It will be beautiful. I will put in the word I need to and usher in this new exciting era in my life. I swear I can fucking taste it. I want it soo fucking bad. ugh. I hate that even for a second I thought I can't do it. Thats asinine. I will get everything I want and then some. I am a powerful woman who has ambition and love for my education and life expericences. Everything will work out. Tenaysia I fucking love you and everything is going to come together for this. Please just enjoy the time and ride. two years from now I will be living in a new beautiful city looking hot with funding for law school. a great place to live and a hot intelligent boyfriend who treats me like a queen. I will have more discipline and patience with myself. Everything is mine for the taking. I will be successful. I fucking love myself.
