What You Missed
The Holyhead Harpies are making a comeback this year as they seem to be working harder than ever before to get a bundle of wins under their belts. Be sure to send in your dedications and requests as we’re nearly at our All Hallows Eve broadcast that’s filled with spooky music and tales.
The Auror Office seems to be undergoing changes with more regulations and training given to all department employees. Nicolas Parkinson, a newer and younger Head of Office, has been adjusting to the new position seemingly well. Though not many have seen him publicly as often as before. Many are asking What other sort of changes will he bring? While some critics don’t believe he is up for the job, having been chosen over many seasoned Aurors vying for the job themselves. More on Nic Parkinson in a bit.
Frederick Noynas, the famed wizarding explorer and historian, has announced this week that he’s forming a group to seek out Merlin’s Encyclopedia. It is believed that it continuously adds pages with detailed descriptions of spells, charms, or curses. Noynas believes the monstrous book to be hiding somewhere in London, but he says he is first searching out members for the group that will search with him.
The string of robberies that once plagued Diagon Alley have ceased thanks to the DMLE who have managed to capture Madame Iddy Willington, who had been working under the alias Dung. Her trial begins this week with the Wizengamont.
Student Profiles of the Week courtesy of @thats-so-tilden
Severus Snape
Story from anonymous student listener: I think Severus might be a vampire, or at least part vampire. Hear me out alright? He’s super vampire-pale, has long greasy hair (just like Dracula but not combed back), and he doesn’t like garlic… Well no ones ever seen him eat garlic anyways. And he’s always so grumpy (probably because Dumbledore is making drink animal blood instead) and he barely opens his mouth (so he can hide the fangs). And if you don’t believe me, there are a bunch of witnesses who say they saw him bite Cora down near the lake. Some people say they kissed but I know the truth.
Tilden Toots
Story from himself:
So I had the craziest day today right. I was just helping out with the research for this radio station and I found out that the wonderful Nick Parkinson was going to be in Hogsmeade next week! So as the dutiful intern I am, I revealed the news on the WizGiz forums and people went crazy! As expected of course! No way can a guy that handsome can get away without having some overly obsession fans. So with the news, I told people I would be meeting him soon and that they should send their fanmail to the radio station so I can deliver it to him directly. And man, can people work fast! We got soooooo many letters sent in just under an hour! And these were no 1 ft. parchments, oh no, they were like full 6 - 7 ft. and that was only in the first hour. After that they only got longer and longer and there were other stuff like toys and candy and handmade clothes. Geez, I kinda wish I was good-looking enough to get that much stuff! Anyways I had a hell of a time sorting it all through and fitting it into a box, but I managed it so far! And of course, could you announce it over your radio show Flora? I have a feeling that some students are struggling to use the WizGiz.
Nicolas Parkinson has been creating quite a fan base and has become very popular on the WizGiz hosted message boards. He’ll be coming to our station in Hogsmeade for an interview in a few days, so keep sending in more fanmail either by owl, Tilden, or through E-Letters on your WizGiz.
Be sure to send in your E-Letters or owls to enter a chance to win tickets to Sugarhex Radio’s first ever holiday bash!
It’s time for tomorrow’s horoscopes thanks to Madame Whittle. Tune in for her midnight daily show on 232.1 FM.
ARIES
Your appetites may diminish today as you fall into a vat of gravy with no inside ladder. Any beer consumed tonight may come back to haunt you, possibly in the form of a dead comedian. Your bed is made, lie in it. Fall asleep for a while. Spoon the pillows. Yes, that's it. Relax.
TAURUS
Peaches and cream - if only more things were like these two beautiful, oft-paired, delights. Your sub-conscience may decide to rebel against you today and force you to re-remember everything you had managed to block out. A flurry of exclamation marks will come back to haunt you later this month as an letter comes true.
GEMINI
Most of the things you believe in could be hacked apart by a fairly terrible dream. Babies are not meant to be sugared or par-boiled. Parenting classes may be important to someone close to you. Shallow puddles may deceive you today.
CANCER
The gongoozlers at your naked twister parties should at least be made to take off their shoes. It's never too late to do that thing you always wanted to do. You know - the THING. The thing? You know. Itching may be a sign of bad things to come.
LEO
Login to every site you can and you'll soon understand what the meaning of the internet is. Anything someone says today that is unkind is probably meant in jest, you ugly bastard. Thinking and flying at the same time can be hazardous for you today.
VIRGO
The latin phrase for what you're feeling right now is: "Non semper inquisit damascus aroooooo!". There's a little bit of dog language mixed in there too. Jumping up and down is great fun and encouraging others to do so is a fine way to make friends. Pull out of any prior engagements tonight as you are about to receive a special unexpected visitor.
LIBRA
Crying over spilt milk may seem like a folly, but perhaps not if you've spilt piping hot milk over your naked body. Live like you would like and you will part this world a happier person. Although you may spend a good deal of your life in jail. "Going Dutch" does not mean having it away with 4 people at once whilst smoking a jewel encrusted pipe. Don't trust anyone today. Stay inside until today is all over and done with. Don't trust this horoscope either. Just don't - okay?
SCORPIO
Relax, break out the medicines and pills! Your choice of reading material is starting to swerve dangerously into the "blue" section. Complete the sentence: "My day will be really shitty today because my boss will find out that I surf the internet for ________ hours daily."
SAGITTARIUS
There may be trouble ahead...but while there's moonlight and music and love and romance, the blow caused by the venereal disease you are about to become infected with, will be somewhat softened. Dave is not a name you want to associate with today. Dave may be the devil's spawn. It's hard to tell. Sing a song inside and to hell with the dark clouds that await you.
CAPRICORN
The randomness of the universe may affect you today as you search for meaning in a cornflake that looks like your nose. Your selfish ways will not improve this week as you win a sizeable jackpot on the lottery. Cartoons will flavour the day for you, today, giving you ideas and humour.
AQUARIUS
With today's celestial configuration, your emotional universe will once again glow with positive energy. You will be meeting more people, and your encounters are likely to be more profound. The coming weeks are quite promising for you, Aquarius. The music will be in the key to pleasure and sensuality.
PISCES
If some things start to appear impossible, it may be time to invent robots. Terrible envy can be yours all for the price of walking into a very expensive shop. Use that negative energy to summon up dark spirits. Much of your body weight tends to be distributed in a specific place - but that may start shifting today.
This week’s history fact:
The White Bengali Tigers of South Asia are magical creatures that rarely show themselves to the public. These creatures are born rarely to non-magical tigers and possess great magic that allows them to bring down their prey easily by immobilizing them and move from place to place in a manner similar to Apparation. As such, when caught, these tigers are put on display in Magical Zoos around the world. The tiger’s pelts, taken illegally, are also often sold on black markets, fetching a high price for their distinctive white coat and magical properties. The Wizarding Association for Endangered Magical Creatures urges all of wizardkind to be cautious if they have spotted a White Tiger as these creatures can and will lash out if they feel threatened. Wand makers will always strive to, at least once in their lifetime, use the hair of one of these beasts as a core in the wands they make. Wands with White Tiger cores typically require users with strong minds and bodies. Only a few of these wands are in existence and are extraordinarily picky in choosing their wizard.
Now for tea time. It’s been observed by Cassius Nott that Severus Snape’s favorite tea is earl grey with two sugars. What does that say about you, Severus? You are effortlessly classy and always wish you could drink your tea out of a bone china cup and saucer. You wouldn’t say you’re a snob, but rather you “have standards”. But your addition of sugar hints that you go against the typical grain.
What does your patronus say about you? Send it in and we’ll give you an analysis. This week, Tilden has offered up his own, which is a…human? Yes, that’s right. A human. You are a wise, loving soul who empowers others while being an aware person. You often provide brilliant examples for how to embrace our wholeness even if our body has difficulties in the physical world.
Thank you for listening this evening! My name is Flora Smethwick from Sugarhex Radio. Catch me tomorrow evening for more news and music served with a spoonful of sugar.