“I can’t do this alone,” she says. “Sorry, Sugu, man, I need help”
“Seriously, you’re not well right now. I need help.”
He’s gripping his own thighs with too much force.
He’s been hurting himself.
She should’ve paid more attention. She should’ve noticed Geto was spiraling.
She doesn’t know what else to do.
She’s never seen him like this.
She’s been here for Geto’s bad days.
“I can’t face him,” he says. The despair in his voice is so profound that it makes her own heart ache. “Not after what I said to him.”
“Baby, Suguru, listen, man,” she says. She sucks at being reassuring. “He’s got you, you know he’s got you, remember?”
He keeps shaking his head.
He’s in some sort of trance.
How could she not have noticed Suguru was in such a bad mental state? Him being an asshole to Gojo should’ve triggered some alarms. Him talking to y/n like that should’ve told her just how bad it really was.
“He hates me, he hates me, he hates me…” Suguru keeps repeating.
“He doesn’t hate you. He doesn’t. He never could. He loves you, remember, Sugu? He loves you. You’re his better half. He always says that, doesn’t he? Would someone who hates you say that?”
Suguru’s knuckles are white.
His cursed energy is a mess.
Something is gonna happen.
Suguru is gonna do something he regrets, or he’s gonna hurt himself irreparably.
It’s a miracle that Gojo isn’t already here after feeling his cursed energy behave like this.
If she so much as stops grabbing Geto by the arms, the boy might run.
She takes her phone with one hand and dials.
“Gojo, we need you, he’s—”
Suguru shakes erratically between sobs.
“Yeah, I feel it. I was trying to give him some space.”
“Last thing he needs right now.”
Gojo ends the call and is at their side within seconds.
Suguru gets more upset the moment he sees him.
“Please don’t, don’t…” he keeps mumbling.
Gojo kneels right at her side.
His eyes are full of pain.
It can’t be an easy sight, seeing the guy you love like this.
He looks her in the eyes.
She’s so relieved. She was scared that Gojo would still be mad or too hurt for him to be able to take care of Geto. No one gives Gojo enough credit. He really is the strongest, just not in the way everyone thinks.
Satoru whispers something in the boy’s ear and kisses his hair.
“Shoko, I know I’m asking a lot, but could you go and stay with her?” Satoru asks.
As she walks away, she sees Suguru crumbling in the other boy’s arms.
He’s tossing a ball against the dorm wall he shares with Suguru.
Maybe if he’s annoying enough, at least he would make him come and confront him.
He’d rather take the anger than the silence.
He’s aiming the ball at the same spot with the same rhythm.
But he’s with Shoko, so it should be fine.
Suguru has always confided more in Shoko than in him.
It stings, but at least he’s not pulling away like he used to.
He wants to text the lovely girl lying in the hospital bed. But she lost her phone—not really, they know where the phone probably is. He just cannot stomach going to fetch it.
He can’t think about her without thinking of him.
So he gets back to where he started. Sulking about Suguru.
He feels Suguru’s energy do something scary, and his whole body goes on alert. Only once before has he felt this, and he doesn’t want a repeat of that.
He starts pacing in the limited space of his dorm.
When his phone starts ringing, he fumbles a little with his own jacket to get it out.
“Gojo, we need you, he’s—” she sounds strained.
“Yeah, I feel it. I was trying to give him some space.”
He hears sobbing, and there’s a clear struggle on Shoko’s side.
“Last thing he needs right now.”
What he finds breaks his heart…
Suguru begins to thrash in Shoko’s arms. He’s trying to get free. She’s clearly holding him in place. Is he trying to get away… from him?
He gets on his knees so he can be at the same level as his friends.
“Give him to me,” he commands.
Shoko doesn’t let go of Suguru until he wraps his arms around his waist.
“Got you, love,” he assures his best friend. He kisses the crown of his head.
He asks Shoko to leave, to go and take care of her.
When she’s gone, Suguru falls completely and entirely apart.
He rubs Suguru’s back as he cries.
He feels his own throat tighten, and he’s aware that tears are falling from his eyes. But he stays there, kissing Suguru’s head and breathing in the familiar scent of his hair.
When Suguru’s spasms recede, he takes the boy’s face in his hands.
He expects some resistance, but he’s almost limp.
He shivers at the somber thought.
“Can I take you somewhere?”
Suguru’s eyes look so full of agony.
However, they can’t stay there. It’s getting colder by the minute, and Suguru’s clothes are wet and muddied.
“Leave me, please. Just go.” Suguru’s voice is hoarse and broken.
Suguru tries to tear his gaze away. To free himself from the tight but loving hold Satoru has him in.
“I won’t do it,” he tells him.
Geto uses more force this time. He shoves him with his whole body weight. Gojo might be taller, but the dark-haired boy still has some weight on him. He lands on his back, the air knocked out of his lungs. Geto ends up on top of him. He clings to the boy’s clothes and rolls him over.
“I told you,” he says, a bit out of breath from the struggle. “Not. Gonna. Happen.”
Each time Suguru tries to shove him, Satoru only clings to him harder.
It’s almost like when they used to fight, back in first year.
Only this time it’s not playful at all.
Geto lands a particularly hard blow to his ribs, one Gojo is sure is gonna bruise. He grunts. “Stop it, you idiot,” he tells him.
He finally manages to get on top of Suguru and holds both his arms over his head. He uses his knees to pin Suguru’s legs to the floor. He finally has the advantage.
Suguru is still struggling beneath him. He tries to headbutt him. “If we keep this up, we’re gonna— I don’t want to hurt you.”
Suguru starts crying again. “Do it,” he says. He sounds frustrated. “I deserve it.”
“Oh, so that’s your plan?” Gojo asks.
The grip around Suguru’s wrists softens.
Not enough to let him go.
He doesn’t think he’ll ever be capable of it.
“Make me mad so I hit you?”
He adjusts his grip again before Suguru can pull away.
“It’s a shit plan. It won’t work.” His voice remains calm. “I can keep this all night if I have to.”
He leans down until they’re almost forehead to forehead.
“But I still won’t get mad at you.”
“Then why are you here?” Suguru asks.
Gojo wishes he could take Suguru’s pain. He would endure it for him. If it’d help.
And then Suguru does something his Six Eyes never saw coming.
The whole world goes quiet.
Suguru’s lips are chapped, but still soft over his own.
Never in a million years had he thought this forbidden fantasy of his would come true.
So he hates himself a little when he pulls away.
Suguru goes completely rigid beneath him.
His eyes are wide with terror.
They stare at each other for a second that lasts an eternity.
And then Suguru actually attacks him for the first time that night.
The surge of cursed energy catches him completely off guard.
It sends him flying backward.
He rolls and gets back to his feet.
“Suguru, wait!” he shouts.
But his best friend is gone.
Geto’s cursed energy is completely gone.
He warps directly into the infirmary.
Shoko sends a scalpel flying toward him.
Infinity stops the knife.
He put it up after Geto’s strike.
He shouldn’t have dropped it at all.
Maybe he's still have Geto in his arms if he hadn’t.
“WHAT IN HELL DO YOU—” Shoko shouts at him.
“What the fuck?” Shoko’s whole demeanor changes in a blink. “You had him. YOU. THE STRONGEST. GOJO, WHAT THE FUCK?”
“I panicked!” he shouts back.
“JESUS, SATORU, WHAT COULD HE HAVE—” Shoko is panicking too.
The door to Y/N’s room opens.
She shouldn’t be out of bed.
“Satoru?” she calls his name from behind him.
He really doesn’t have time for this right now.
“Y/N, go back to bed,” Shoko tells her.
Maybe she’ll listen. Maybe she’ll go without a fight, and he won’t have to deal with that on top of everything else.
“Satoru,” she calls his name again.
She looks impossibly small.
Her face is swollen from crying, her eyes tired, and for a second his chest tightens.
Another person he couldn’t protect.
Shoko silently agrees with him. She’s not coming with them.
“We need to find him,” he repeats.
She heard that Suguru kissed him.
“Satoru,” Shoko is already getting rid of her coat and putting on her jacket. “Can you feel his energy at all?”
“I can help,” Y/N repeats.
Both Shoko and he turn toward her.
“So…” she looks a bit manic. “Everything’s energy, right? And I control energy. I mean, or I channel it. I think—”
Normally, he’d love to hear her ramble for hours on end.
“Y/N,” he says. “I’m sorry, but I need to find him.”
“It’s what I’m trying to tell you,” she sounds desperate. “I can help.”
He and Shoko share a worried look.
He’s about to tell her to stop.
But he needs to find him.
For all he knows, Suguru could be lying in a pool of his own blood right now.
“I need to go. He could be anywhere by now,” he tells her.
She looks like she’s about to argue.
Instead, she closes her eyes and seems to concentrate on something that completely escapes him.
“If I show you where,” she asks, “could you get us there?”
“You know where he is?” Shoko asks.
“What do you mean, show me?” he asks at the same time.
“I need to get dressed,” she ignores them. “It’s difficult to connect with him. He’s a mess right now, so everything’s dark.”
Gojo doesn’t have a clue what any of that means.
She’s clearly still weak after weeks at the hospital, but she walks fast.
Gojo doesn’t have time for this.
He touches Y/N and Shoko and warps to the girls’ dorm.
She groans. “A little warning next time.”
“Get dressed,” he tells Y/N.
She comes back in her uniform and one of Geto’s hoodies.
“Can you see where he is?” Shoko asks.
“Barely.” She’s closing her eyes, and her small hands are in fists. “Gojo, I’m not sure what I’m doing, but please, let’s try.”
The three of them join hands.
At first, it feels weird and warm.
Then it feels cold, and it hurts so much it’s almost unbearable, but familiar.
He instinctively knows it’s Suguru.
The moment he can see it as more than just a blip, he pulls himself and the girls with him.
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Chapter 20: What was always there
Hope you enjoy the chapter, I sure did...
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