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"baby, what the fuck are these?"
walking into the bathroom, you see your boyfriend yuji holding up the new box of condoms you had purchased for him the other day.
you glance at the backside of the box, then back at him. "uh, it's a box of condoms? you're supposed to put them on before we have sex so that–"
"i know what they do, dummy." he flips the box around, showing you the frontside. "i'm asking why these ones."
you take a step forward. "what, you don't like the brand? i mean i kind of picked the first one i saw so.. i didn't know condom brands were so important to you."
yuji lifts his hand to pinch the bridge of his nose, then running that same hand over his face with a defeated sigh.
"no no, i'm talking about the size you bought, babe."
your arms cross over your chest. "the size? what wrong with it?"
he huffs, clearly flustered. "you got extra small."
a deafening silence engulfs the bathroom.
"...and the problem?"
yuji's eyes widen as he slams the box down onto the counter, causing some of the other miscellaneous items to jump up. "BABE. YOU GOT EXTRA SMALL. I'M NOT AN EXTRA SMALL?!????"
unable to contain yourself, you glance down at his crotch, dramatically squinting your eyes before looking back at him. then, with all the nonchalance you can muster, you give him a half-shrug.
"i dunno. it seemed like it'd fit when i looked at the picture."
your boyfriend was appalled. did his own girlfriend seriously think that he was an EXTRA small?? not even a regular small? EXTRA SMALL????
"you've got to be joking. are you fucking with me? if so, you're not funny."
you walked over to where he was standing and looked down at the box, trying not to chuckle.
"i don't see the problem? you're complaining about the size, but have you even tried to put one on?" you drop your arms, placing one hand on your hip.
he stares at you. "no i haven't, because i'll just be opening the box for nothing and then you won't be able to return it."
"return it? yuji why would i need to–"
"is this my fault?" he questions, placing two fingers on his chin to think deeply. "have i not been fucking you correctly? do i feel small to you? because i swear that's not what you tell me. you always say that it's too much."
your face heats up. embarrassed by his lack of filter, you decide it's time to end the joke. "yuji, i–"
"or–!" he (unfortunately) starts again. "is this your way of saying you wanna go raw? i mean, we've been together long enough... if that's what you want, then i'm happy to listen!"
"yu–"
he closes the gap between you two, his hands settling on your waist. "it's okay baby. from today onward, i promise that we can go raw."
you stare at him, almost speechless. "yu... that's not what i was–"
your words fall on his deaf grandpa ears. he was already determined to fulfill your every sexual wish. you sigh, placing your hands on his wrists.
"yuji, honey, i was just playing with you. the real ones are in my–"
"shhhh." he gently tucks your hair behind your ear, pressing a soft kiss to the top of your head.
"don't worry love, there's no need to be embarrassed. i got the hint, so i'll make sure to not wear one tonight!"
oh, for the love of god.
a/n: i kept seeing smau's of the reader purposely buying their s/o the wrong condom size so i wanted to write abt it😇 hmo on silly modulo yuji guys...👀 i believe that yuji before his friends started dying never lost his spark and and continued to act the same as always🫶🏾 (i promise ill lock in and write him fr next time...)
fyi, this is my first post on this new acct👀