If you want a huge fat lady as your partner, I better not ever hear you giving them grief or insulting them for being lazy.
That wonât fly around here. If you make me feel like I canât just be comfortable, fat, and lazy around you, Iâll be gone. QUICK. Even just friends. Iâm good, let me live peacefully.
there was definitely a period of time in my life when i thought that i was asexual. i think a lot of feedists, and in general, people with fetishes and/or very strong kinks, can sympathize with this uncertainty. i tried for many, many years to have the sex most people seem to desire. it caused me so much embarrassment and shame and pain. nothing hurt more than the disappointment from people i cared about who didnât understand my reluctance to do certain things or the anxiety i always felt in bed. i even, unfortunately, took the path that a lot of feedists/FAs take and purposefully avoided dating/having sex with fat people for fear of making them feel objectified or uncomfortable. could better communication from me have made this all easier? definitely. but i simply didnât know for a very long time what i truly wanted or how to properly articulate my desire. and even so, itâs difficult to talk to someone about an unconventional fetish you have that they donât already share. you might ruin things with someone you care about. and the thought of a fat person feeling uncomfortable after i tell them about my feelings, or if they simply realize it in the moment? i could never put someone through that. even if things turn out okay in both those scenarios, you always run the risk of hurting yourself or others. perhaps honesty in these situations represents a trade off between short term embarrassment and long term pain, which is a good thing for both sides, but it can still be a very hard thing to do.
so yeah, i thought i was asexual for a time. part of my confusion in regard to this was my struggle to fully understand what asexuality even means. this is how iâve come to understand that term over the years:
asexuality is when youâre not interested in what society broadly views as âsex.â that is, at least in a heterosexual context, you may not be interested in PIV sex, oral sex, making out, potentially anything that falls under that category. thatâs not the stuff that drives you, thatâs not what youâre looking for or fantasizing about. you might still be a very sexual, horny person. itâs just that, for lack of a better term, âmainstreamâ sex, whatever that means to you whether youâre gay, straight, etc, isnât what youâre into.
thereâs probably a whole world of writing on this topic and iâve really only scratched the surface, but thatâs what the term seems to mean based on what iâve read and observed. but sometimes, iâll see asexuality described as a total lack of a sex drive. youâre not interested in anything or attracted to anyone. the other day i saw one of those kink jar type things and there was a âhypersexualâ to âasexualâ slider, with those two representing opposite ends of the same spectrum. so for the purposes of that slider, asexuality is the lack of a sex drive? or is this in regard to how strongly you desire âmainstreamâ sex? i truly have no idea. i think a lot of that âit means you donât have a sexuality at allâ idea that most people think about when it comes to asexuality comes from most people having no conception of sex outside of âmainstreamâ sex. to them, and iâm just talking about heterosexuality here since itâs where my perspective is, if you donât like PIV, youâre asexual. going back to that spectrum and my possible understanding of it, an âasexualâ person could still be âhypersexual,â but that hypersexual desire is directed towards something other than âmainstreamâ sex. thereâs likely some other, better term for someone with no real sex drive at all, but iâm currently unaware of what it may be.
but after being lucky enough to experience feedism and other kinks in my life, i realized that iâm not asexual. simply put, the âmainstreamâ sex i was normally completely uninterested in was suddenly far more appealing when i was engaging in it with another feedist who i already was very physically and emotionally attracted to. thereâs still some things i need to figure out. for example, being with a fat feedist girl made me desire PIV sex for maybe the first time in my life. i tried it before many times in the past, but it never felt good until then. is that the only kind of person i want to do it with though? iâve been with a skinny feeder only once and had no interest in doing it with her. is it because she was skinny, or was it because, as i realized later, i actually wasnât attracted to her emotionally or physically (regarding things other than her weight) at all? the jury is still out on that one.
but in general, i know that i can definitely, and happily, engage in and fantasize about âmainstreamâ sex when itâs mixed in with feedism/fat admiration, the central fetishes that dominate my sexuality.
if you are a feedist or someone with a strong fetish and consider yourself asexual, more power to you. i support you and who you are, and i hope you find happiness and love. but for people like me who have been teetering on the fence, the only way to know for sure is to try. make the effort, live this out with people who share your desires. exploring feedism can be a unique way to express sexuality outside of âmainstreamâ sex. and if you also desire that âmainstreamâ sex, it can be included into feedism so easily. feedism in general can provided such a rich tapestry of desire and connection, so no matter where you fall, youâre going to have a good time.
if a lot of this seemed obvious to you, good. congratulations. iâm happy youâve been able to do that work on yourself. but for those who are still confused, still searching, i hope this resonates with you and helps you along the path to self-understanding, fulfillment, and happiness.
god, I love this and feel like I could have written a lot of this about my own journey of figuring out how I relate to my sexuality. Iâve also grappled a lot with asexuality as a term and a concept, and have found it useful depending on who Iâm taking to. identifying as ace has felt like it erases such a big part of my sexuality, which for me shows up how OP is describing for themselves: more normative sexual desire typically only exists with other feedists or in the context of feedism somehow.
I get resentful that I feel like I need to use a label that feels wrong to me just because my sexuality cannot be understood in the limiting and normative frameworks that are available to us. and yet, if Iâm talking to someone who isnât a feedist or not at least kinky, I do still use the term ace because Iâm not interested in normative sex on its own and am at a place in my life where I would choose not having sex over having sex that feels hollow and unfulfilling.
the more sex Iâve had with other feedists, the more clear this has gotten for me. Iâm still working through a lot of grief in the understanding that in most cases (never say never), normative sex without kink is off the table. while I would love to want that too, I donât, and I know (from experience) trying to make myself want it caused a cycle of shame and repression that Iâm not willing to go back to. Iâm sure this will continue evolving as I do, but I love this post and always feel so comforted by learning that others have similar experiences to my own.
Low key holding space for people not ready to directly interact with this community, or trying to but then backing out and trying again. Wishing you an expeditious self acceptance/healing/unlearning fat phobia/whatever youâre going through journey
Just so you know though, mutuality is an essential human need, so know that interacting with people who share your sexual orientation is necessary to your well being
Ilya felt like his smile was going to split his face. He was overwhelmingly happy. Shane was beaming up at him, eyes bright and freckles crinkled, and Ilya loved him. And Shane loved him. Holy fucking shit. Shane Hollander is in love with me.
To get to be your feedist self with someone, let your sexuality really exist with them, is a gift beyond words that I hope every feedist experiences at least once in their lives.
how lucky we are to be alive in a time where we can connect with other feedists easily online (even though itâs totally still hard in so many ways and thatâs real too)
as much as i love evil and extreme feeders, thereâs something so hot and cute about someone who absolutely melts and is totally mindblown by your gluttony. me listing off whatâs a casual lunch to me being a jawdropping list for you. me mentioning how much iâve eaten today and you automatically squirming and needing to tease me- even from a dominant position. itâs so much hotter than someone hearing the same thing and immediately trying to say it doesnât sound like enough, or immediately pushing to eat more (if youâre gonna be like this, you better put your money where your mouth is!)
maybe itâs the innate contrast of my huge meals being shocking, or just the sweet nature of it. do i still wanna be dotingly egged on to eat more? duh! and could they still get a little mean with it? duh! but still, some of you need to learn how to praise a feedee along the way rather than just trying to make us force feed ourselves until we feel sick every dayđ
I love seeing people really pay attention to the way eating too much makes them feel. If youâre eating, I want you to put one hand on your belly and leave it there, I want you to feel yourself growing under your palms. I want you to notice how tight you get. I want you to know what youâre doing to yourself. I want you to want more.
several things I canât get over in this picture with the main one being how huge my ass has gotten. it has been such a journey for my body to decide to put fat anywhere other than my belly, but this is absolutely a fat ass đ„Čđ„°
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