[sunset-in-my-veins]

Lately:

• Saw Obsession on my half birthday, it fucking rocked and hasn't left my brain yet. I was prepared for the scares (and kept my eyes averted for the worst of them), all except for the beer bottle and the flower pot. And I knew about her in the corner scene but it still freaked me out to the max (and then his reaction made me laugh)

• Survived the heat wave, thankfully we were not one of the thousands that lost power during either heat wave slash storm this month

• Desperate to hear about Ms. Swift's wedding or at least the dress. Two of my most beloved famous people were there, Pete Wentz and Seth Meyers

• Saw my primary care doctor, she referred me to pain management

• Celebrated Garnet's birthday with carry out and cake and frozen custard and four collectables/little things presents

• Had the worst air quality in the entire fucking world because of the fires in Canada

• Never been so happy to hate lettuce

• Dippin Dots review:

• Saw the hematologist and then did a deep dive on hemochromatosis and iron absorption and cast iron pans and got a red heart shaped 9 inch enameled cast iron. It's pretty but not as good to cook with :(

• Two infusions:

And I got him talking about Obsession as he unhooked me

Second one had four attempts before nurse Justin had a success right in my fucking elbow, got to ask him about the shower and he showed me a picture of his fiancee and his little niece

Pretty sure I'm gonna take at least three weeks off, maybe all of August

• Sophie got her hair done:

• Sadly not really vibing with Waterpark's new album with the exception of No No No No No (banger that sounds like their old stuff) and Gwen Stefani (one of the best and catchiest 'new' sounds they've put out in the last two albums)

• Botox with a substitute nurse practitioner who a) actually scrubbed me down with alcohol and didn't do one half wet single swipe across my forehead and b) applied pressure when I started bleeding like a stuck pig, so c) I love her

• Pain management appointment yesterday to address the sitting pain that started in August 2019 and has my constant companion every day since. Girlie asked me a million questions and poked my guts and ordered a nerve block, which I'll probably get in October (earliest they had open)

• Watched The Fast and the Furious, Reign of Fire, The Accountant, The Evil Dead (also kept my eyes averted for about 90% of this, can't handle that kind of splatter gore), The Long Walk, Mortal Kombat 2, Evil Dead 2, and Army of Darkness. And rewatched Wuthering Heights and Mortal Kombat

Loved The Vampire Lestat, and just finally finally FINALLY got disney+ again (I've been asking since December) and the first thing I watched as the End of an Era miniseries

Upcoming:

excited to vote for Abdul, even though he's not gonna win

MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE

maybe TBS in September too:

To wrap this up. one more screenshot:

and the sunset yesterday:

[sunset-in-my-veins]

Lately:

Not too much this month too because I'm still doing bad (shocking how disability is . . . disabling)

• Doctor's appointment was rescheduled because she was sick (wahoo), now going in early on my dead Dad's birthday (opposite of wahoo)

• New tote bag purse, I put these pins on (R2-D2 lapel pin, witch hat from Sara M. Lyons, and a Chomby Stamp pin, aka my personality distilled. All that's missing is a FOB pin)

• Had another tornado warning

• The three-year-and-three-month-old fridge died, three months after the protection plan ended. Repair guy said it'd be $700 to fix it, so we got a new one. Fifteen days living out of two coolers before it got here. She's silver, bottom freezer, and makes high pitched sounds every so often.

I cannot believe how bad I've gotten in the last three years. Last time I handled it and did about half the cleaning. This time Garnet did 99.99% of it all and the only thing I could handle was cleaning for a few hours the day before it was delivered, and got post exertional malaise after :(

• Trimmed hair some more, now it's just a pinch above my elbows

• The 'I voted' sticker contest began. I love her:

• BRAND NEW IS COMING TO THE FOX IN OCTOBER FOR AN ANNIVERSARY SHOW

I HAVE SUCCEED IN THE LONG GAME OF MAKING MY BROTHER A BRAND NEW FAN

• Made a new cat friend (they stayed there with me for most of that sunshine time)

• Four infusions, only one where I got to talk to nurse Justin, and the last one had a fucked up ride that had me going back and forth from one end of the hospital to the other seven fucking times :) Now I get a two week break because the infusion center is overbooked, if I feel okay I might take a whole month off for the hell of it to get a nice break and confirm if I want to continue or not

• The gut doctor said Garnet doesn't have colon cancer

• Still have not gone to the movies, luckily Obsession is doing so well I don't think it's leaving anytime soon. Can't say the same for Mando though

• One more screenshot:

• And a dog picture:

Watched Queer and How to Make a Killing and two scenes from Evil Dead Rise (the opening + the the homage to The Shining's elevator), and rewatched Hot Rod and Scary Movie and The Lighthouse

and not movies but I finally watched The Penguin, and rewatched IWTV before The Vampire Lestat started

UPCOMING:

I fear the heat wave

Half birthday, maybe going to the movies if we haven't melted by then

Primary care appointment, IDK what to say to her

Garnet's birthday

Hematology appointment

Waterpark's new album comes out finally!!!

Botox with somebody other than my neurologist because she's on leave. And it'll be my last appointment at that office because they're moving to my hometown in August, across the street from where I'd get my haircut when I was little and get a M&M cookie next door if I was good. And I was always good ♡

[sunset-in-my-veins]

Lately:

Not too much this month bc I've been doing bad.

• Not recommended - dropping a huge vase outside on the ground right where your dog walks. Dumped some nasty water outside and it slipped out of my hands and exploded in about eight million pieces on the steps/pavement/grass

• Ants have invaded. 90% are in the bathroom between the toilet and the air vent, I've had two in my room and Garnet's had multiple. Massive fucking ant hill in the yard. There were no sightings for twelve days and now they're back again 🙃 I can literally feel myself get more crazy every time I see one

• My beloved movie game cinerdle finally went down on the 12th :( Final three themes were sex workers, A24 horror, and James Wan

• The 16th was the first SUNSHINE TIME of the year and I've been out there almost every day since

Two bees have been tag teaming me and going at my head every time, a few days ago I jumped up so many times that I hurt enough to take an opioid at bedtime. And on Thursday I blacked out and almost went down.

• I think it should be illegal to see an ex* on the television (high school boy I was with for roughly four weeks in 2009, he's in a college commercial) (what's fucked up is that it's happened TWICE now)

*Cliff notes of our relationship if you're wondering - he asked me out, I had no interest in him but said yes to a) make someone jealous and b) see if I could form feelings for someone else [FAILED ON BOTH COUNTS], we went on two "dates" to the park and to the movies and I met his mom before the second one, the little bit of time we spent together made it clear we had absolutely nothing in common/no shared values, he went on a band trip out of state and he called and said he was coming home with a ring, and I dumped his ass over the phone. The end. He married a classmate right out of high school and I had not seen him, or barely thought of him, until now.

• Went to the library yesterday and the cake supply store down the street had a big sale, I got a piping set and some birthday candles that look like they date back to the '80s at least, and Garnet got a used Blue's Clues cake pan for $3 that says it cost $50 to rent it

And also tried a new ice cream place for the first time, I got mint chocolate chip and it had some weird ass thick chopped chocolate instead of flakes and it hit me in the bad texture way and I almost puked

• Three infusions this month, canceled one because veins blew on both arms and I needed a week off to heal, got a disgusting big bruise from it that's been there for eighteen days now and is still green

Only got to talk to nurse Justin ONCE, bullshit

• Quite the month for a newshound whose special interest is epidemiology (me)

• Watched Contact, No Hard Feelings, Wuthering Heights several times (my new obsession - what's gross is very off-putting but what is hot is HOT AS FUCK), Spiderman Into the Spiderverse, The Stepford Wives (the remake), The Bride, Spiderman Across the Spiderverse, Molly's Game, and Bridget Jones Diary

and rewatched Twister (for it's birthday, at home and not the movies unfortunately and only because it wasn't showing anywhere) and Runaway Bride (for the first time since I was a child)

and not a movie but I finally watched A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms, and I loved it. Second to last episode when he cried, so did I

Also, have not seen either Obsession or Mando yet, Obsession because Garnet's friend Vivi wants to go with us and Mando because Obsession is the priority

UPCOMING:

Garnet has something like twelve appointments in June, including an upper endoscopy and colonoscopy. And he wants to go with me to my primary care appointment and tell her to do more for me, but I'm gonna try to talk him out of it

Maybe going to my cousin's kid's graduation party, but probably not

Rewatching Interview with the Vampire before the new season starts

Cat and Adam's trip to MI has been called off, but Cat is gonna fly Garnet to Delaware for Cat's birthday in December, and for Adam's graduation next spring (presumably)

To end this, two pictures from today: my view before I came in tonight (featuring the jungle between the shed and Mom's window), and Sophie on Garnet's bed:

[sunset-in-my-veins]

Lately:

• Beginning of the month and Easter was spent looking at lamb cakes and comparing them to my dog (third pic was me packing for vacation in 2017)

• Tornado warning very very close

• It took five minutes for the repair guy to fix the washer and it was free, yeehaw

• April statement from my student loan company said I needed to make a payment on 05/03, called them and they said there was an 'error in the system' when I recertified my income and it selected the wrong plan and rejected my application, so I reapplied right away. On the 15th I got a letter dated the 4th that IDR ended and interest was capitalized, even though they said I had 90 days to recertify. Then I got a letter that said I had a month of forbearance. Called on the 24th and a nice boy said IDR is active and I don’t have to rectify until next year so HOPEFULLY this shit is fixed but I already got my May statement which says give us money, so who the fuck knows for sure.

• POTS doctor appointment, ride got me there an hour early and I was like okay I'll go across the parking lot and spend an hour in my childhood library/my second home. It was pouring rain and the parking lot was flooded, got to the doors, tried to open, locked. Looked at the hours on the building, tried again, locked. Looked at the hours again, they didn't open until noon on that Friday. Hope a security guard somewhere watching the cameras got a laugh out of that. Very sadly walked back across the flooded parking lot and spend that hour sitting in the waiting room looking like somebody had dumped a few buckets of water over me.

The actual appointment was a non-event, he gave me an order for more infusions and said see you in six months

• FLORENCE AND THE MACHINE FOR THE FIRST TIME (AND FIRST CONCERT ALONE)

Feelings a few days before the show:

Looked at the ADA drop off and it didn't look great for pick ups, and I told Garnet the best meeting place would be in front of the Masonic. He said by Hockeytown. So we had three ideas for after the show.

He dropped me off, I felt very freaked out but calmed down as soon as I was through security. Got my ADA relocation and went up to the third floor for the first time, found my seat, and then went back downstairs to walk around during the opener. Saw a lot of dresses, way more men than expected, and only six masks. Got bracelets from the Planned Parenthood people. Sat down right before the opener ended, between a very scented person and a teenager who had a caregiver sitting somewhere else.

OH MY GOD THE SHOW WAS INCREDIBLE. Loved the first two 'new' songs and then Shake It Out started and I started gross snotty sobbing (I think if she had played my #1 Never Let Me Go I would've popped like a balloon)

The witch choir/dancers blew me away, they looked fucking possessed. Loved it.

Favorites were King, the guitar-heavy One of The Greats (went from 'I love it' to 'this is my new favorite song'), Buckle, And Love (the closer, oh god) and THE LIVE DEBUT OF PERFUME AND MILK, WHICH I THOUGHT SHE'D PLAY AND I WAS RIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHTTTTT OH MY GOD.

Overall felt like something healed in me, 10/10

Pictures didn't turn out but my three videos did, this was my view:

Leaving was a fucking mess. I went out the wrong exit relying on my wits alone and then (obviously) went the wrong way. Garnet called me and told me to head to the q-line and I was halfway to the Masonic, on accident (the complete opposite direction of where Garnet said to go). Asked a very cute cop (looked like nurse Justin but better) which way to go and he pointed me in the right way. Speeding towards Woodward in a place you've never seen before, juggling two phones and a rollator - would not recommend.

Did a voice memo of the whole show and it turned out very nice, better than the ones Garnet has done on his watch. Got home and scrolled past the intro and it landed right in the middle of Buckle, doubly smacked with 'this turned out better than expected' and 'I heard my favorite heartbreak song':

Had a witchy feeling that I was gonna run into somebody I know. Turns out my childhood best friend was there, on her birthday. I spent fourteen of those with her 😭 I don't think she would've recognized me bc I look radically different than the last couple times she saw me, but damn it would've been nice to give her a hug.

• Another tornado warning very very close at 2am. Heard a maintenance guy at the hospital the next day say the tornado siren next to his house glitched out and went for two hours straight, I can't imagine.

• Mid month Garnet went through some paperwork to find stuff about Dad's spleen problem (that he also has) and discovered stuff about Dad's brain injury/when shit was BAD when Garnet was little and he didn't take it well, had bit of a mental breakdown and I thought I was gonna have to call 911 on him for several days in a row, but he's now slightly improved (but still not great).

This was the best of his many, many messages about our parents:

(no, actually, the best was about how much he loves me and how I prayed to get him because neither of us would've have made it without the other)

(He also texted our aunt and shared some of his feelings with her, and she said 'come any time, and bring Emily')

• 20th anniversary of the first time I saw FOB (with the childhood best friend mentioned above 😭)

• Trimmed hair a little bit more, now it's at the very top of my waist.

• Cinerdle (my second favorite movie game) is dying too. Had seven movie games at the beginning of March, next week I'll have three daily and one weekly (all owned by the same people, so if Framed goes down too I'll be completely fucked)

• Three infusions, two of note (first was quite a dichotomy):

Found his wedding website because I'm a nosy freak, 1) his girl is hot 2) they're getting married at my dream venue, THE MASONIC

• And every driver I had this month (eight?) were five stars, special shoutouts to the guy who asked me how I wanted heat vs air and what music to put on, the guy wearing a Star Wars shirt who was quiet for 95% of the ride and them recommended a metal SW song to me and asked what I like, and the very attractive young-looking grey haired man who played the pop punk station and called me 'my dear'

• SILENCE OF THE LAMBS AT THE MOVIES YESTERDAY FOR IT'S BIRTHDAY, OH MY GOD. One of my most favorite and most rewatched movies, it looks weird without the captions.

It was us and four other groups of people in the little theatre, and nobody else laughed at the 'it puts the lotion on the skin' scene.

• Botox today, hurt and I bled like a stuck pig.

• Watched Scary Movie (good), Scary Movie 2 (slightly less good), Batman (didn't love it, think I would've liked it more without the two adaptations that I do love), Batman Returns (good but too weird), Scary Movie 3 (less good than the 2nd one), The Edge of Seventeen (unpleasant), Reality (mid), Christy (mid bordering on bad), What Lies Beneath (mid), The Big Short (good), Baby Driver (really good beginning and then very downhill from there), and Marty Supreme (five stars)

and rewatched Alien, Zola, and The Mummy

And here's my Breaking Dawn highlights, I am finally free/the Twilight brain worms have gone back to sleep:

UPCOMING:

Garnet might be house sitting/pet watching for Jacqui, might not

No Doubt's shows at the Sphere in Las Vegas start, I hope at least one of the gen x babes in there knows how to livestream a show on tiktok

Maybe seeing the horror movie Obsession at the movies because the trailer worked on me, badly. Gotta read spoilers first to make sure I can handle the gore/scares on the big screen, though. Also probably seeing the Mando movie too, if it's worth it (might get a month of Disney+ instead bc then I can watch the Darth Maul show and the Taylor stuff)

Garnet sees the doctor who hopefully gets the ball rolling on his splenectomy

Mom hopefully sees a dental surgeon (she cancelled the last appointment day of because of nausea and they said 'we need a deposit to reschedule you')

I prepare for my June doctor's appointment that Garnet says he's going with me to demand she fucking does something for me

HOPEFULLY it warms up enough for sunshine time. We had two little hot stretches this month, but the porch hasn't been cleaned off yet :( And the news says temp below normal for at least two weeks :( :(

To end this on a cute note, Dad self portrait that Garnet uncovered. His head was not round, it was very oval, so apparently he didn't have a mirror when he did this in 2003:

[sunset-in-my-veins]

Lately:

• Mom saw a dentist and they wanted to take a bunch of teeth out for several thousand dollars, she said no, obviously.

• Hair trim fail, took several days and a few inches to even out and now it's elbow length.

• My cousin from Montana (and my aunt) visited Michigan for the first time since we were both children, and she didn't reach out to meet up. They spent several days in Detroit. IDK if I'm more hurt or pissed off. Like, what the fuck?

• Washer went non-functional with a control panel issue, hopefully fixed next week when the repair people have a new control panel for us

• Hematologist I saw in January had ordered a test just to rule out hemochromatosis and it turned out to be positive??? Took several weeks to get the man on the phone but he said it's only minority positive (carrier?), and to avoid iron so it doesn't overload and mess with my organs. When I'm anemic and take iron daily.

I have many questions, and don't see the guy until June.

• Also, U of M wanted records from primary care of labs, imaging, and medications for my sitting pain before they can schedule me for pain management.

Guess what primary care has done jack shit for? Like, no one has, but her specifically?

• Two of my seven movie games that I play daily went down and were deactivated. RIP moviedle and posterdle :(

• Sophie has started to not sleep through the night. Until a few weeks ago, we'd put her to bed in Mom's room and she wouldn't come out until she heard me or Garnet in the kitchen the next morning. Now she comes out either immediately or after a few hours in the middle of the night, and barks at our bedroom doors.

Mid-month on a bad night when Sophie wouldn't lay down and stay in Mom's room, Mom got up and threw my door open, woke me up, and went nuts on my ass, screaming that I had to take Sophie in my room or she was going to put her down tomorrow, and gave me the worst post exertional malaise ever (and first time ever from emotional stress/shock), no fucking doubt in my mind that I have chronic fatigue syndrome now. I felt like I needed to be hospitalized.

Mom apologized, for once. But I've got another instance of 'my mother is utterly insane' for my list.

Sophie saw the vet last week and got gabapentin (like mother like daughter!), and it has knocked her out most nights

• Two short power outages, one from wind and one from a car accident

• Made an art gallery entry for Neopets and did not win

Tried to recreate this item:

It was way harder than I expected and it did not turn out (the fucking tail! It looked okay before I tried to make it thicker. And I thought the red writing stuff was opaque):

• Garnet's anniversary of almost dying went as you'd expect (tears). Anniversary of meeting the person who messed me up went as you'd expect (tears), except worse because I read something I wrote a long time ago and had a complete fucking meltdown about it (cried with my head in my hands so hard that a river of tears ran down my arms).

And I slept through dead Dad day.

• The Neighbourhood's tour started:

• Four infusions, only one super noteworthy:

(if the whole nurse thing doesn't work out he should be a cop or a priest - he asks you a question and you can't NOT tell the truth)

Last week he came over right away to tell me he started the book he got for Christmas and we'd talked about, got the IV started after the nurse I had failed twice, and kept! looking! my! way! when I had to take the mask off for allergies and water.

I've puzzled over my feelings in the past few weeks and here's what I've landed on: I like male attention from cute guys, sometimes

• Also, two weeks in a row, two different nurses asked if I was getting a port. NO I AM NOT GETTING A PORT, HOLY HELL. Can't even gauge how much the infusions help and make up my mind if I want to take a break or quit, I'm not implanting something in my body that raises the sepsis risk to the fucking roof. No thanks!

(Also, the transportation company was on the news, for sending non-handicapped accessible cars to a guy in a wheelchair)

• Watched No Strings Attached (fine, Kevin Kline was the best part), One Battle After Another (not bad but not best picture), Civil War (deeply fucking upsetting), Men (would not recommend because it was scary and nonsensical and the birth sequence . . . no . . . but I cannot stop thinking about it), and Dave (I love Kevin Kline now)

and rewatched V For Vendetta (didn't feel like a rewatch, the end made me cry), The Spectacular Now, Jurassic Park, Friendship, Ex Machina, Crazy Stupid Love, Inception, and the whole Twilight saga out of order in varying states of captions on and off, sound on and off, and fast forwarding through anything that wasn't Edward or Bella and watching it straight through

Eclipse highlights (Midnight Sun ones were gone when I went to screenshot them), they're real sophisticated:

UPCOMING:

Mom sees a dental surgeon, finally, and if that fails too, I think she's going to one of the dental schools

POTS doctor follow up, idk what the hell he’s gonna say about the infusions and the desmopressin

FLORENCE AND THE MACHINE, FIRST CONCERT ALONE. Three screenshots to show my current state of mind:

(I hope she hears my mental pleas to play Cassandra)

Seeing one of my all-time favorite movies, Silence of the Lambs, at the movies for it’s birthday

Botox

IDK if the Cat/Adam/hot friend Eva trip to MI is off the table or what, because Cat is having issues with PTO :(

To end this on a cute note, the dog in a ball:

[sunset-in-my-veins]

Lately:

• Two beginning of the month messenger things, to start this off:

• Doctor's appointment, she sent an order to check my sodium every two weeks so I could start the desmopressin without freaking out about it, and referred me to U of M pain management

• Had botox, the neurologist's receptionist is retiring and was training her replacement and when I walked up to the desk she said "This is Emily, one of my favorite patients, she's so nice and calm." Don't say that about me and then LEAVE ☹️

• There was a FOB show. Pic from twitter:

• MOTION CITY SOUNDTRACK AT THE FILLMORE

HEARD NEW SONGS FOR THE FIRST TIME IN TEN YEARS

SCREAMED ALONG TO EVERY WORD

WE ARE SO BACK

THEY WERE SO GOOD

FUCKING HELL I LOVE THIS BAND

Three not so good things: 1) Say Anything sucked, as they always do 2) security didn't want to put me or Wheely through the metal detector so they gave me a TSA-style pat down - BUT FAILED TO SEARCH THE STORAGE COMPARTMENT ON THE ROLLATOR. DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY VAPES AND/OR KNIVES I COULD HIDE IN THERE? AND NOT IN MY BRA OR MY ASS CRACK? and 3) a drunk asshole said 'This bitch is wearing two masks?' on the way out. I should've run over his toes or called him a fuckwit but I was too shocked

• Watched the Olympics like I was being paid for it, 26 hour binge one of the early days. Watched every second of bobsled/skeleton/luge etc. events and figure skating, I think my favorite moment overall was when a snowboard or skiing guy who did the final run of his career and then took off like five layers to strip to the waist, roared at the cameras like a caveman, and laid facedown in the snow

• Also the combination of Winter Olympics + paczki day = triggered my 'almost died in February 2010' PTSD, from when I got so dehydrated with the stomach flu (came down with it on paczki day) that I spent several days in the ICU and then watched the Vancouver opening ceremony on the night I got sent to the regular part of the hospital

• Celebrated Mom and Dad's 40th anniversary with heart shaped pizza and heart shaped cake

Semi-related, I put brussels sprouts on pan pizza for the first time and it was one of the best ones I've ever made:

• Saw the rheumatologist, writing the pre-appointment summary of my chronic fatigue gave me psychic damage. He did very little, had my bend my fingers and my wrist in a EDS way (normal for both, I think I might have a non-hypermobile type though) and asked how my sleep is. Gave me a CDC print-out about chronic fatigue syndrome.

Ordered rheumatology blood work which all came back negative, so that avenue is dead, along with endocrinology and hematology.

• Only two infusions this month, four pokes at the first and an all-time record of FIVE at the second, both times only succeeded right in my fucking elbow. Considering a break but I don't know for how long. A month? Or try going every two weeks? I can't make up my mind

No nurse Justin at either one (he was there at the second but too busy to say hi, I heard him and perked up and audibly said 'Oh no', can't believe I'm down bad for a taken! catholic!! man!!!) but the driver who took me home on the first trip asked if I made the ride often and I said yeah weekly and gave an explain-it-like-I'm-five description of POTS and IV hydration and he said "So you have POTS?" His teenage daughter has it and manages it by . . . not eating bread (doubt that's POTS, never heard of that, and I would not be willing to try)

And I finally started the desmopressin, and (tmi) made me only pee TWICE in TWELVE HOURS, which is ABSOLUTELY FUCKING UNHEARD OF (usual is like two or three times an hour). IDK if it works in the way I want it to (keeping the infusion in my body longer) but didn't work too good this week, infusion on Wednesday and had a horrible POTS meltdown yesterday (96/44 BP and 164 pulse). Even if it doesn't, it'll be good for concerts and stuff. Speaking of . . .

• Garnet got our MCR tickets and I got me (solo shows!!!! for the first time ever!!!!!!!!!) tickets for Florence and the Machine in April, seeing her for the first time when I've wanted to since 2009 (tour started and hadn't listened to Everybody Scream, made a playlist with the old songs she played, and had opened Ticketmaster by track #2) (Buckle has destroyed me) and The Neighborhood in November (seven years and ten days since the last time they came here)

• Sophie's 14th birthday was celebrated with a birthday burger and butter cake:

• Cleaned up under my desk for the first time in a few years and it fucked up my hip for several days, which is the reason why I haven't cleaned under my desk for a few years

• Mom's got a bad tooth that needs to come out, bad since last weekend, went to a dentist on Thursday and the ER yesterday when it swelled up horribly, and is probably seeing a different dentist today with care credit

(A week before the one year anniversary of Garnet's fucked up tooth infection that nearly killed him)

• Watched The Smashing Machine (complete and utter waste of my time) and Thief (good) and Airplane! (oh my GOD) and Cop Land (very good) and Marie Antionette (very good), and rewatched Interstellar (😭), Hot Rod (Garnet came out of his room during the climax of the bus jump and cried laughing which made me cry laughing) and The Shape of Water (wept almost as much as the first time I watched it). And missed Jurassic Park at the movies because neither of us were feeling good.

UPCOMING:

Nothing much except finding out what The Neighborhood is playing and commemorating some bad anniversaries (Garnet's almost dying last year, Dad dying, marking nineteen years since I met the person who has haunted me for nineteen years, real fun stuff all around)

Also, I'm still in this godforsaken hole:

To end this on a cute note, me and the birthday girl:

[sunset-in-my-veins]

Lately:

• Had a good birthday: library and Culvers and then carry-out from my favorite restaurant (Angelina's) and my favorite movie (Captain America: The Winter Soldier) and my favorite birthday treat (key lime pie) and presents (got a paperback of Slow Dance, a From Under the Cork Tree keychain that you can scan with your phone and bring it up on Spotify, a Bram Stoker's Dracula shirt, and two beaded bracelets and a painting of my snowman made by Garnet)

• Emotional terrorism from music:

• Had a one minute power outage and a 25 minute long one that gave me a PTSD flare up (if anybody wants to buy me a standby generator, hit me up)

• Elle from America's Test Kitchen died, I knew she had cancer but I didn't know she was from here and only 49 ☹️ Really fucked me up

And two of my favorite authors (V.E. Schwab and Sarah Dessen) both lost their dads this month

• Dog got her haircut

• Water was turned off twice for repairs with no notice, which gave me VERY bad PTSD

• Saw the hematologist nurse, was not as shitty as the doctor he replaced, and he's sending me to see a rheumatologist

• Did another haircut to waist length (influenced by Florence Welch + Zendaya in the 2006 scene in Challengers) and I think I found the ideal length to maintain!!! Still feels long but wildly fluffier and less weighed down and I can do a normal kind of bun that stays where I put it!!!!!!!

• Had four infusions and only one was really noteworthy:

(it was six months)

• Made the mistake of going 'oh, Twilight is on?' and it turns out, I have a disease:

Not pictured: how I've watched the series seven times in the last couple weeks and recorded the New Moon goodbye forehead kiss on my phone so I can revisit those three seconds for forever. SEND HELP

• Very shitty erratic sleep schedule and bad lack of energy all month long. I look and feel like Bella does right before she has to start drinking blood mid-vampire pregnancy, so that's cool

• Watched 65 (not good at all, but an increasingly disheveled Adam Driver with Star Wars hair in protective dad mode shooting dinosaurs with a blaster, what more can you ask for?) and The Cut (extremely not a fun watch, last time I'll take a chance on a movie that doesn't have a wikipedia or IMDB plot summary) and Margaret (not good but stayed with me) and While We're Young (worst movie I've seen in a long time, painfully pretentious and unfunny) and Edge of Tomorrow (VERY GOOD, the coffee scene wrecked me) and Coyotes (bad AI bullshit) and The Dead Zone (VERY VERY GOOD) and the new Running Man (horrible, didn't pay for it and wanted a refund) and the documentary Architecton (okay) and rewatched This Is Spinal Tap and The Matrix before falling in my Twilight hole

UPCOMING:

Meredith primary care appointment and Botox

MOTION CITY SOUNDTRACK AT THE FILLMORE, HEARING NEW MUSIC FROM THEM FOR THE FIRST TIME IN TEN YEARS

cancelled two infusions because of ^ and my arms will get a nice break, hallelujah

probably seeing of my faves on the big screen for the first time through Flashback Cinema:

seeing the rheumatologist (cool thing is that the hematologist didn't really say why he was sending me, so hopefully I don't sound as stupid as I did when the receptionist asked and I was like "uhhhhhh . . . fatigue? maybe chronic fatigue syndrome? general work up? ruling stuff out?")

SOPHIE'S 14th BIRTHDAY

FURTHER IN THE FUTURE: Cat and Adam and their hot friend Eva are probably visiting Michigan in May to scope it out for a future possible move from Delaware! How do I a) sell Michigan to them so they don't choose Wisconsin instead and take Garnet from me and b) seem normal for several days on a row?

AND GARNET SAYS HE'S GETTING MCR TICKETS WITH HIS TAX REFUND

[sunset-in-my-veins]

Lately:

And a mini year in review

• Had an infusion with two vastly different rides:

• Finally washed and started using the quilt I got for last birthday when I realized shit, it's almost my birthday

Looks like this:

Soft and heavy, took almost two weeks for me to get used to it and not kick it off the bed overnight but now I love it

• Cancelled an infusion because of the weather

• Victorious, the third and final book in my favorite series of all time, got a release date (OCTOBER 6TH!) and a blurb (the trio reunites!!) and the page count (FIVE HUNDRED AND FORTY FOUR!!!)

• My emotional support webcam / alaska aurora livestream shut down three days earlier than they said they would because it wasn't working 😭

• Had the yearly appointment at my neurologist's office to say yes botox is still working, so insurance will continue to pay for it

• Second infusion of the month it was such a madhouse that they didn't get me back until 2:50 (they usually do at 1:45)

• Phone appointment with a nurse at the aneurysm doctor's office that I'd been trying to get schedule since October. She said ultrasound was fine, "your chart says you have POTS? How does that effect you?" and "You have chronic pain?" and "Do you eat normally?" ☹️

• Won the neopets art gallery again

The item:

My recreation (looks more like the pet than the cookie based on the pet):

My trophy count:

• Got invited to my aunt and uncle's 50th anniversary party and were reunited with them and my two cousins and their children who I haven't seen in ten years, and their respective in-laws that I haven't seen since their weddings (20? and 16 or so years ago). It was very nice, I love my cousin Becky the most, and her kid (who was just recently a baby, in my book, what do you mean she's nineteen) asked me to be friends on FB.

My uncle's hearings aids weren't working too good so he mainly watched the hockey game that was on the TV, and looked to Garnet and I and asked very loudly "HOW IS YOUR MOTHER DOING?", and said nothing to anyone else.

First time maskless in public since 2020

First time in a restaurant since the sitting pain started in 2019

Felt weird and bad!

• Garnet filled me in on his friendship with Danny on the ride home: Danny was on thin ice and either said something or did something that set Garnet off so he set up a boundary and Danny stomped on it in a very shitty way, specifically in a crazy ex-girlfriend kind of way. So Garnet's pretty sure their friendship is over and it just waiting for the right time to tell him that.

• We also went downtown to see the tree downtown and it was PANDEMONIUM, went home and looked at the livestream and was surprised:

• Becky sent Garnet a message and said it was nice to see you two, you both "look like you're thriving." HA

• Sophie had a seizure. She's fine, I'm not, Garnet's not. Told her she couldn't die on Christmas because that would ruin it forever, and she didn't, so that's good

• Had a good chill Christmas. Spaghetti dinner and presents on Christmas Eve and a bigger pot roast dinner on Christmas Day. Only made one kind of cookies due to a complete and utter total lack of energy, so I'm gonna make the cut out ones for new years (hopefully. Might hold off for heart ones in February)

Tree was put up but did not get decorated. Danny did not come over (knew that would happen even before everything went to shit, bc of work)

The livestream view on Christmas Eve:

• There was a bad wind storm on Monday (had several overnight power blips, each made me lose more mental HPs) and went on the michigan subreddit to see how bad everywhere else got it . . .

and found out via reddit that my beloved snowman on the way to the library . . .

my friend*, dare I say . . .

ATE SHIT AND DIED?

(HOPEFULLY DID NOT DIE AND IS JUST DISASSEMBLED BECAUSE I CANNOT TAKE THE LOSS OF MY ALASKA AURORA WEBCAM AND MY SNOWMAN, GODDAMN IT)

(* https://sunset-in-my-veins.tumblr.com/post/168105799011/i-had-a-shit-day-but-i-just-remembered-something)

• Infusion yesterday with a very late ride and three pokes, but nurse Justin came over to say hi and I had a very nice friendly driver on the way home, so it wasn't all bad

• Watched Fight or Flight (entertaining) and This Is Spinal Tap (very funny, RIP Rob Reiner I loved you so much) and the Godfather 2 (very good) and the Godfather 3 director's cut coda death of Michael whatever the fuck it's called (not good at all) and the Spinal Tap sequel (also very funny)

• Did not spotify but here's my goodreads (still gotta finish one, maybe two books today)

favorite non-rereads were Bury Our Bones, that Bad Batch novel, and House of Psychotic Women

UPCOMING:

BIRTHDAY ON FRIDAY! Thirty four! What the hell!

hematologist

Sophie haircut

hopefully getting a month of disney+ to watch the new Taylor stuff (could not this month because Mom insurance BS sucked up too much money)

Sophie picture, lurking behind the bag of bottle returns on the morning post-seizure, to end this part on a good note:

MINI YEAR IN REVIEW:

January - good birthday, Georgia aunt died

February - Sophie turned 13, saw the endocrinologist

March - Garnet almost fucking died, met nurse Justin and did not imagine I'd be seeing him weekly

April - endocrinologist said I might have a rare genetic diseases and then did two half-assed tests and said I didn't, Garnet returned to work

May - saw Revenge of the Sith and Scream at the movies, started the infusions

June - BRAND NEW TWICE and reached a nsfw goal/achievement that I never thought would be possible 😈

July - Stress test, went to the movies twice for the new Jurassic Park and Superman, Garnet quit

August - Little Port Huron vacation, instagram said I was a bot and disabled my account

September - got my account back, Inception at the movies, did an insomnia study

October - Scream the movies a second time, Garnet went to visit Cat in Delaware and it was the start of the death of his friendship with Danny, minor haircut

November - WATERPARKS

December - ^

Three things I did this year: upped my pizza game, hit my hair length goal, and did things I did not fathom

Sunshine time count: 78

Non-functional 'nothing because I don't feel good' day count: 109

'Slept all day' count: 23

HOPEFULLY UPCOMING FOR 2026:

Finding someone to help me and applying for SSI

MCR at Comerica (please god)

Possibly adopting another dog once the house is clean/finished

Getting established with the hip replacement doctor because it might actually happen this year

Returning to tumblr beyond making my monthly post, god-willing

Happy new year! 🎉🎆🍾♡

[owl-recluse-deactivated20150626]

It’s that time of year

[andoutofharm]

the thing about Folie à Deux (fourth studio album by american rock band Fall Out Boy, released on December 10, 2008) is that it makes you speedrun every possible emotion known to man and shrimp in the course of 50 minutes and 34 seconds

[sunset-in-my-veins]

Lately:

• Bullied the POTS man's physician assistant into prescribing the medication I want to try! And then got it from the pharmacy and read you have to carefully monitor salt and water intake or you can die, so I haven't started it yet. Sodium level has to be checked and I gotta figure out how to monitor salt and water intake on it.

Cute driver, but the trip psychologically damaged me, my hometown library is all ripped up and everything is different and it made me cry.

• Mom fell in the bathroom and had chest pain, almost went to the ER three times, saw her doctor, they told her that her collarbone was broken and then said no it's just arthritis.

Every time I went into her room I got a "I feel like I'm dying", to put it into perspective.

Garnet didn't go to the wedding because of it.

• Bullshit phone appointment with the social worker my doctor referred me to for SSI help, I had a couple of specific questions but I'm kinda lost and confused overall and thought she would help with that. Nope, gave me the number for a legal nonprofit and Social Security's phone number. Such a good use of three weeks of phone tag to set up that eight minute long phone call 🙃

• Dryer smelled burnt, took some time to get somebody to come clean it out and I almost ran out of clean clothes. Dude cleared out the dryer vent and the inside of the dryer and that fixed it.

• Had an ultrasound to check my aneurysm with a very creepy driver and an ultrasound tech who grilled me about endometriosis, because her daughter might have it.

It was unchanged:

• Three unremarkable infusions, only saw nurse Justin once, he stopped to tell me about his future sister in law who might have POTS and got some snake oil salesman's diagnosis instead.

• LANDS END BROUGHT BACK THE BAG I WANT IN THE SIZE I WANT IT IN. Backordered until after my birthday but it'll be mine soon ❤️

• My emotional support webcam is shutting down, and I am fucked up about it:

• WATERPARKS CONCERT!

It was downgraded to the cathedral (1,000ish) at the Masonic (main theatre 5,000ish), hadn't been there since summer 2018 and my impression was that it was hot and the sound quality was shit, but they renovated it and both those problems were fixed.

Danny had to cancel because of a mandatory shift, and I learned that ADA seats in the cathedral are the first row.

Got there, went to the ADA ramp's door, nobody was there, froze half to death and my hands cracked bc I was unprepared. Got in, saw the ADA were not actually accessible, just normal seats with a barrier in front of it to divide the lower bowl and the pit, so I a) couldn't use wheelie and b) didn't bring my damn cane since I didn't think I'd fuckin need it and c) did not pay money to only see the pit's butts the entire time, so I walked around for the openers and came back about ten minutes before the band went on (saw a man in a power chair, I wanna know where they put him).

They played SUNSHINE RIPTIDE IN THE PRE-SHOW PLAYLIST. It was so out of left field that I didn't clock what song it was until the second verse.

The show was awesome, I love them too much. Heard some old songs for the first time and the new songs (that I'm not big on, except for Any Minute Now) sound better live.

Hurt my throat screaming the opening to Real Super Dark and I Felt Younger When We Met ("I SAID I LOVED YOU TO DEATH, SO I MUST BE DEAD") and the entirety of Like It ❤️ But really like Blonde and Stupid for You and Fuck About It and Dream Boy and Turbulent, too.

No pics but here's by best video, second half of Crybaby, my favorite song off their second album:

(I think it would be cool if I could hold my phone up higher)

All other tour stops got between three and five acoustic snippets of normal stuff and extreme deep cuts, and for some fucking reason we got the full normal versions of Lucky People (requested by a VIP couple who used it to walk down the aisle) and 21 Questions instead :( And they switched this out, too:

No pics and no posts from the band because of the holiday and the next leg of the tour went on sale that day, how dare.

Stood for the whole set and only almost fell over twice.

• Thanksgiving was good, I moved everything on my normal cooking schedule a day early and then went super slow the day of, couldn't juggle more than two things at once. But it all turned out awesome and I feel like I'm made of stuffing and pecan pie.

• Watched Minority Report (fine) and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (loved it) and Eddington (sure was . . . something) and Dune Part 2 (good), rewatched Friendship and American Psycho

UPCOMING:

Just Christmas - Danny is supposed to spend Christmas Eve with us because his abuser is invited to his house. The friendship has cooled significantly since Garnet came back from the trip to Cat's and realized it wasn't a healthy relationship. Garnet's definitely not gonna rescind the invitation, but I'm not 1,000% sure it's happening, either.

Ultra-crisp Sophie picture courtesy of Garnet, to end this on a cute note:

[sunset-in-my-veins]

Lately:

• There was not a sunshine time on the 1st, but cat friend Paul let me approach him and accepted pets and scratches, which he normally does not. So three months in a row of attention from Paul on the 1st

• Meredith primary care appointment, nurse did a depression screening and my result was Bad, unsurprisingly. I told her about the infusion issues and her stupid ass response was that I should get them twice a week 🙃 Got referrals for pain management/spine center for my sitting pain, and social worker for SSI help

• I am not big on Taylor's new album outside of the first four songs, so I've been listened to Midnights and earlier to remember that she DOES make music that I like, and I've latched onto tis the damn season, Is It Over Now, Better Man, and right where you left me

• Cancelled two infusions, first because I felt too hellish to go, and second so I wouldn't crash during the weekend when Garnet wasn't here

• SCREAM ON THE BIG SCREEN in a moderately packed small theatre. Went by the imax where Tron was playing, and the doors were shaking

• 20 years of loving FOB 🥲

• 8 years since Brand New at the Fox, what a difference a year makes: last October 15th boo hoo-ing because I'd never hear You Won't Know again, this year I was fine since I heard it TWICE this summer

• Garnet left for Delaware, I tried to turn on the heat, it blew cold air, thought it was the filter, couldn't get it open.

He had a good time, high points of going to Rehoboth Beach and having a trans family dinner with seven of Cat and Adam's friends and a painting night, bad note of a) Danny acting like a total bitch and b) Garnet realizing their relationship was unhealthy he visited his actual best friend, and Garnet nearly dissolved their relationship before Danny apologized and said they're gonna work on being better.

Two messager highlights:

I survived taking care of Mom, but it was not a good time and is making me think of where I will live in the future if she has to go in a nursing home

• Garnet came home, got the furnace open and changed the filter, still no heat, took a few days to get it serviced because they were booked out. Got it up to 71 in here with constant laundry and cooking and a $20 space heater, but went down to the low 60s overnight. 11 days of me wearing three layers before fixed (it was the gas valve).

• Garnet started a new medication and that plus the Danny stuff plus talking with Adam = he's been cleaning and purging his old clothes and some of Mom's bullshit, taking like six trash bags a day to be donated

• Had one normal infusion with this:

and a rapid fire discussion as he unhooked me, about Halloween and scary movies: I said my three faves and he said his are Smile and Hereditary (what!), asked me if I liked Prisoners and I asked him if he liked Seven, asked me if I had watched X (said yes I love X and Pearl) or Weapons or The Substance yet and I said no I gotta prepare myself, I'm not good with body horror or jump scares, and he said he doesn't do slashers or gore.

And one with fucked up rides again, had to pay for my own uber over there because there was no driver and no ability to to do anything until the non-existent driver cancelled, and they basically told me 'tough luck, go fuck yourself'. Same bullshit on the way home but when I called them I got an extremely helpful and nice girl who stayed on the phone with me and figured out how to fix it and I almost cried. Saw nurse Justin, but he was so busy I didn't even get to say hi.

• Cut my hair from right below my ass to just above it, feels so much better now that I'm not sitting on it or anything. Might go a little shorter to waist length when I trim it again in three months or so.

Before and after:

• THE NEIGHBOURHOOD IS BACK, and how do I find a sugar daddy type person who loves No Doubt and wants to go see them in Vegas but doesn't want to go alone?

• Sophie got her shots yesterday and had a bad night, wormed around and then cried when she jumped on the couch 😭 She's fine today, thank god

The vet who has cared for all of our animals since I was four years old retired

• I placed as a staff pick in the jellyneo (Neopet’s fan site/guide) costume contest ☺️

• Only had four sunshine times this month before fall hit. Bullshit :(

• Watched:

It part 1 right up until the second before the projecter scene (can't handle that or most of what comes after)

Bring Her Back (scary and disgusting and sad as fuck)

the miniseries version of It (good)

Bumblee (good)

my binge of watch-when-Garnet's-away movies: Babygirl (hated it), Challengers (twice, loved it, though it was explicit and it wasn't), Love Lies Bleeding (BEST MOVIE I'VE WATCHED THIS YEAR, SO BETTER THAN THE GODFATHER? PERHAPS), and Bound (very good)

Weapons (four stars, that scene with Josh Brolin in the basement scared the fuck out of me)

Saint Maud (five stars, I will watch anything Rose Glass makes now after this and Love Lies Bleeding)

Maxxxine (not good)

and rewatched Napoleon Dynamite and Gone Girl and my halloween scary movie favorites trio of The Shining, Silence of the Lambs, and Scream

And also watched Task (love it, finishing it later, second to last episode made me weep, how dare they do that) and The Chair Company (second episode when he was in the alley and started screaming and looked like a fucking muppet, I laughed so hard that I cried)

UPCOMING:

Appointment with the POTS man's physician assistant, I do not want to

Botox

Garnet is going to PA for a wedding (Kenna and now Garnet's friends Liz and Frank)

Maybe seeing the new hematologist nurse but they called and said I have to reschedule it, hallelujah

Probably getting an imaging test for my portal vein aneurysm because, uh, haven't in six years when it's supposed to be yearly

WATERPARKS AT THE MASONIC, still haven't figured out how I'm doing Thanksgiving the next day, like what I can make ahead and what I can do when I'm dead on my feet

Turkey day

Hoping finally applying for SSI, but I'm not ready for that rn

Here's the four sunsets I got after my sunshine times, two Sophie pics, and the painting of Sophie that Garnet did:

[sunset-in-my-veins]

Lately:

• Two months in a row of first sunshine time with my cat friend Paul

He accepted pets and smelled like a fish fry

• The end of my hyperfixation 😭 Wept at the end

• And the seasonal return of my emotion support webcam, they added a new feature:

And this happened the other night:

• Bullshit appointment with the POTS physician's assistant Joe, completely shot me down about trying the antiantidiuretic, he went and asked the doctor and he said absolutely not, it shuts down your kidneys. Had no other suggestions/alternatives for me

Finally started the low dose metoprolol yesterday after nearly fainting on Saturday (64/44 BP, woo)

And no noteworthy infusions except today, besides a driver who has taken me before and recognized me (I did not recognize him). Haven't seen nurse Justin, I think he may have moved to mornings 😔

• My pink croc flip flops / house shoes of many years died

Apparently they're phasing out the crocband flips, because I could only choose between white or navy

• Got frozen custard with Danny, who ultimately decided to not change their name to Wolfgang just as I got used to it

During one of their phone calls Garnet put him on speaker and said 'do you want to say hi to Emily?' and his response was like "YES!!!!" 💗💗💗

• My neopets phone game faerie fragments updated and it wasn't compatible with my phone anymore. Emailed support to get the required specs, bought an ultra cheap tablet with the required specs, got it and spent four hours setting the fucking thing up, and it also wasn't compatible. So I finally activated the iphone se I bought in 2021 and I'm in love

• SAW INCEPTION AT THE MOVIES. It was just as face meltingly awesome as it was when it came out

• MY INSTAGRAM ACCOUNT WAS REINSTATED

(you can follow me on there but I don't post, only follow)

• Celebrated Mom's birthday with Chili's and cake. And MCR's tour was announced:

• Got Motion City Soundtrack tickets for February at the Fillmore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (the new album is SO good, we are so fucking back)

• Heard this incredible news:

• Did not get MCR tickets, but we have plenty of time to score them

• Finished the insomnia study, it was ultimately unhelpful but not a complete waste of time, mainly because I get two hundred bucks for doing it so WAHOO

• Last scheduled FOB concert ☹️ There were no streamers ☹️☹️☹️

• Screenshot summary of today's infusion:

I think I'm gonna a break and see if I need them or if I can do without

• Watched Friendship (twice, first watch laughed a little and second time it was nonstop) and Warfare and rewatched Seven and Napoleon Dynamite (for the first time since middle school, howled throughout) and The Batman and The 40 Year Old Virgin (omg). And watched Alien Earth, it was fucking disgusting and had a bad ending but it was good

One more screenshot:

UPCOMING:

Appointment with primary care Meredith on Thursday, I don't wanna

IDK if I'm more excited about Taylor's new album or Taylor's new interview on Late Night with Seth Meyers, my #1 show

Possibly seeing Scream at the movies again

20th anniversary of becoming a fan of FOB 🥲

(suicide tw) Garnet's going to Delaware for a five day Cat visit. Five days of solo taking care of Mom i.e. preview of my future that I wanna off myself over, not looking forward to it to say the least!!!

To end this on a more positive note, two very different sunsets and a rainbow and one more dog picture:

[sunset-in-my-veins]

Lately:

• First sunshine time of the month was with my cat friend Paul:

• Poor dog jumped off Mom's bed and landed wrong and limped for four days

• The insomnia study is about ⅓ over. Definitely good for people who have typical insomnia, but it hasn't done shit for me who just has fucked up sleep and no diagnosis and not capital-I Insomnia

• Haven't quit my infusions yet (because the alternative is drinking stuff and I don't think I can stomach that rn, literally or figuratively), haven't had nurse Justin lately but I have had a nurse who reminds me of my friend's dead mom (RIP Moe), and a woman who is absolutely fucking obsessed with my hair. Cannot cut it until I eventually quit because I think she would be legit heartbroken.

And I had two rides that fucked me up - one on the way home, first driver cancelled, had to wait 45 minutes for a new one because the phone robot at Saferide is useless, second driver rolls up and has eight air fresheners tied to the passenger seat headrest. Fragrance, blasting radio, stuck in traffic, pain from sitting, nearly pissed myself = overstimulation meltdown, came home and cried nonstop. And one on the way there last week, man asked what I was going to the hospital for and we talked about POTS, H1N1, the pandemic, disability, and social security the whole way there. "That really fucked up your whole life, huh?" is gonna rattle around in my brain for a long time.

I also had one really good ride, with a guy playing '80s Madonna who started talking about how his two girls don't like his music and then got into his whole parenting philosophy as he took a detour so we wouldn't be stuck in traffic. I wanted him to adopt me

• Uneventful botox. Next one in November will be #20, I wanna make a cake or something.

• Back in January Lands End added a tote bag that was my aesthetic to a tee:

I wanted small with a zipper and long handles. I checked twice a month. And then I started checking weekly. And finally I emailed customer service:

Haven't used it yet because a man on reddit tried to buy a medium with a zipper and long handles for his GF on their anniversary and fucked up, and is searching for one. Hasn't responded to my DM yet but I'd sell it to him.

Anyway the purse I took from Mom fucking fell apart after two weeks of use, and I wanted to see if medium WAS to big for me, so I switched to a medium pink tote that I'd gotten on clearance a few years ago. And it is too big, but it's not egregious.

• There were two nights of fireworks that were visible from the driveway and two nights of FOB concert streams from Japan ♥️ Joe's substitute boy does good vocals and I absolutely love that he unnecessarily takes that metal guitar shredding stance for Saturday, which does not require that.

Also forgot two MCR shows, including the most important one:

• Went on vacation to Port Huron, four days getaway of swimming and fast food. Bad food news the hotel restaurant took the special mac and cheese off the menu, good food news there was a change since we were last there in 2023:

Alternated between Culvers and Chipotle and the second order of tacos were so overstuffed and perfect that I wanted to offer the boy my hand in marriage. And I had frozen custard three times in less than 24 hours.

Two bad things thought, 1) that Tuesday was the 15th anniversary of the thing I don't like to talk about (vague, I'm sorry) and luckily I heard the song I used to like and can no longer listen to because of him on the TV the weekend before and got all my sobbing out then. But I was plagued with thoughts of, like, what was he doing fifteen years ago right now, all fucking week. And 2) Kenna's dog Howie died on the day we came home ☹️ My favorite dog that's not mine. I didn't get to meet him ☹️☹️☹️

• Danny a) called me family after offering to take me to the library to pick up my holds (😭 x100,000,000,000) b) took me and Garnet and his friend Wren to the library and Taco Bell, took Wren home and then spent the rest of the ride bitching about her and how she expects him to buy her dinner, and then offered me a chicken strip after I said it looked like my ideal kind (😭) and then I got to tell my why-I'm-a-vegetarian story, and c) is changing his name to WOLFGANG, and I am struggling with that

• Garnet's having a really hard time right now (job search, physical health, mental health) and spending a lot of time with Wolfgang:

• Random thing I don't know where to put (pizza dough before the par-bake):

• Instagram accused me of being a bot on Thursday, and when I appealed they disabled my account.

Spent the last few days reading about how to get it back and I'm gonna send a message to the attorney general's consumer complaints thing on Monday, but I'm not doing too hot with this. Didn't realize how the little people on my ipad were a tentpole of my sanity.

Thank fuck nobody in Brazil streamed FOB's shows :(

• Incredible news for Detroit and Windsor and us specifically:

• Watched Death Of A Unicorn, Goodfellas, Companion, Awake (apparently I will watch anything for my man Hayden), Love and Monsters, Gone Baby Gone, My Mom Jayne, The Suicide Squad, Freaky Tales, and Trainwreck, and rewatched Jurassic Park, Zodiac, Drive (♥️♥️♥️), and Prisoners

UPCOMING:

Appointment with the POTS man to try and get on an antidiuretic so I can keep doing the infusions and not piss myself all the time. It was supposed to be a phone appointment but my shit phone wouldn't work with their website

Maybe seeing Inception at the movies, not with Wolfgang because he's "not a Christopher Nolan guy", what the fuck

Mom's birthday + a new Culver's opens

Last FOB concert for the foreseeable future

To end this, the best sunsets of the month, and a fluffy dog after the post-kennel bath:

[sunset-in-my-veins]

Lately:

• Haircut on the 1st

• Saw the new Jurassic Park movie (it was not good, except the t-rex scene) and had special ice cream for my half birthday

• Celebrated Garnet's birthday with cake and presents at like 1am after he spent the whole entire day with Danny :( Thought we were gonna do something together and apparently thought wrong

• Purse fell apart, snatched one from Mom's room until I can find a good replacement, and this was the contents of the old one:

(Two masks and a pain patch, hand cream and migraine meds, gift cards and med list, sunglasses and mini m&m tube of quarters, stolen gloves and earbuds and a mystery ziploc and tissues. Wallet and pens and sharipes and inhalers and brush and meds, doctor cards and gum and random shit, lip products I haven't used in years because of masks, brush, keys, and all the little things I take anytime I can grab them: sugar in the raw, strawberry jelly, and lemon packets)

(No wonder it was so damn heavy)

• Won the neopets art gallery again and got a nice message from somebody who said they love my entries and to keep it up 🥰

• Had my stress test before the order from last summer expired, and it was a non-event. IV and injection of radioactive shit, wait for it to spread, scanned, injection of the stuff to make your heart think you're exercising (which consisted of three nurses staring at me while I had a teeny tiny little bit of chest pain and heart rate topped out at 118), slammed a little can of Pepsi bc caffeine counteracted the medication, scanned again, waited for a cardiologist to look at the EKG, and then I was out of there two hours earlier than expected.

The day before I read about people who had to be admitted to the hospital after getting the medication so I was surprised that my biggest problems were a) the two Canadians who didn't shut the fuck up the entire time we were all back there b) the TV that was playing smooth jazz and ocean sounds with AI art of a beach c) a painful reaction to the EKG that lasted for a few days (extreme crop bc underboob):

And then Superman at midnight with Danny (it was awesome, I love Mr. Terrific). That was a long day

• I wanna quit the infusions (discussed it with the stress test nurse who gave me the radioactive shit, and she basically convinced me) but idk. Gonna try two more times to get the antidiuretic medication and if I can't get it or it doesn't help me, I think I'm gonna stop.

And had two nurse Justin appointments:

Not to sound like a grade-a Freak but the only reason I haven't already quit infusions already is a) nurse Justin and b) the two days of POTS relief that I do get

• Felt like I got poisoned by ziploc bag, strong chemical smell infected my biscuits and I tasted it all day

• My hyperfixation Cook's Country magazine is going under :( TV show is sticking around (as long as PBS survives this presidency) but I love the magazine more :( :( :(

• Got told to clean off the porch, we made progress but it's not done yet. Had a little mental breakdown over my favorite purple nightgown (mildew from the broken washer destroyed it and I'd just left it out there for two years, the mildew spray didn't help and turned it pink) and finding some of Dad's shirts (they did not smell like him)

• Signed up for an insomnia research study thing and apparently gave some alarming answers to the mental health questions, because one of the research students almost called 911 on my ass. Had to leave her a very panicked voicemail of 'I'M NOT GONNA DO ANYTHING, I'M JUST HAVING A HARD TIME RIGHT NOW'

• Patrick filled in for Justin in Motion City Soundtrack and FOB and MCR all in one night

• Instagram thought I was a bot and suspended my account, it was reinstated it after I appealed. Scary

• Waterparks put out a new single (only listened to it enough time to learn the words so I don't get sick of it before the album comes out like I did with Lowkey As Hell) and they are coming to the Masonic(!) the day before Thanksgiving, we're going with Danny:

Day before Thanksgiving is my biggest and most awful holiday prep day so I'm already trying to decide if we can have an early Thanksgiving, a late one, or a 90% pre-made one

• folklore's fifth birthday, listened to it in full for the first time since Ms. Swift's tour ended and cried my fucking eyes out

• Spent ten minutes at the summer reading library party because I didn't feel good that day but didn't wanna miss it

• Garnet hit his limit on Meijer's bullshit and quit. Last day was on Saturday

• Kenna's dog Howie (my favorite dog who isn't mine) might have cancer, thought he was on his way out a couple days ago 😔

And Kenna's man's best friend was (domestic violence) murdered

• Sunshine time is my saving grace

• Watched Pride and The Passenger and Reservoir Dogs and Moonstruck and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Mutant Mayhem and The Godfather and Carriers and a Ms. Magazine documentary and The Crow and Dog Day Afternoon and Collateral, and rewatched Pride and Prejudice and 28 Days Later and Pearl and Chronicle. And tried twice to watch The Brutalist, but that movie is not for me

UPCOMING

Starting the insomnia study with a teams appointment and then it's like six weeks of CBT with a robot, I think

Maybe going on vacation up north? Maybe going to see Kenna? Maybe just Garnet goes to see Kenna? Who knows

Botox and a video visit with the POTS man to try and get the antidiuretic prescription

Five FOB shows and five MCR encores to look forward to

Considering a haircut because my breakage is getting to me . . . but on the other hand, the other day I bent forward and it touched my feet, and I don't quite feel like stopping yet. And I'd still have breakage if I cut it to mid back like I'm thinking (I do not want a bob ever again). But sitting on it and having it get caught between my pants and my undies isn't very cool (can you see the source of why I've been waffling back and fourth about this for a good three years now?)

To wrap this up, three dog pictures and one cloudy sunset:

[sunset-in-my-veins]

Lately:

• Garnet had an awesome time at the Pierce the Veil show. Jacqui and her sister were there too 💗

• Mom had a fucking mental breakdown about Garnet being a grown up and making his own choices (going to a concert alone, spending the night with Danny when he wasn't feel good - you know, groundbreaking stuff right there) and screamed at me about it for an hour.

I don't wanna say anything else rn and get upset about it again but I think our living situation is going to implode at some point in the near future and goddamn it, I just wish I could be the one to leave first.

• Infusions are helping my POTS but a) they wear off too fast [I get two days of relief and two days of slightly better than normal and then two days of ABSOLUTE HELL before I return to my baseline] b) I pee too much and c) saw the POTS doctor's physical assistant and told him about an antidiuretic I'd like to try to help both things and he COMPLETELY shot me down. Gonna try again at the follow up next month because I can't do this another 50+ times without something to keep it in my veins longer.

Also, they are six hour ordeals when you include the insurance transportation that picks me up too early and takes me home too late, plus two hours on the IV. And this doesn't help:

Only had nurse Justin once but he stopped to talk to me during one appointment

• Told Garnet about an r/Detroit thread about chicken lemon rice soup (what he and Danny go out to get like twice a week) and got this in reponse:

We went out for frozen custard (that was an infusion night and I got post exertional malaise after [did too much and feft like I got streamrolled] which made me Very afraid of two concerts in two days)

• Got terrorized by a huge six legged beast on the couch right next to my head. Beat it until it was in pieces and then didn't calm down for about three days

• MOTION CITY SOUNDTRACK IS PUTTING OUT A NEW ALBUM FOR THE FIRST TIME IN TEN YEARS

• BRAND NEW, TWICE:

here's a little for-context precursor about how I spent a month refreshing setlistfm every night:

Night one was perfect and by the book. Used the ADA ramp entrance into the Masonic and the lady guarding the door told me I had gorgeous hair. Main floor seats, no openers (which was sick).

Highlights: Mixtape was a perfect emo throwback opener, Out of Mana fucking ripped just as I expected (and had the coolest visuals on the vertical screen), Lit Me Up was a special standout just like it was seven years ago at the Fox (it has the second coolest visuals, red spotlight during the heretic line deserves an award), At The Bottom was incredible, and I heard my dream list of songs: The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot, Limousine (I can hear myself on my video of it during the second verse and I don’t sound half bad), Play Crack The Sky, and Welcome to Bangkok (that it one of my ultimates and I never wanna listen to it again unless I can feel it in my bones 😔). Made heart eyes at Vinny for two hours and couldn’t believe I’d get to do it two nights in a row.

Three screenshots from my video of You Won't Know, feat. Vinny's disco ball helmet that he wore for the outro:

(my ultimate that I was most sad about never hearing live again. Thought I was gonna sob though it, didn't)

Night two we had second from last row cheap seats on the balcony and had a hard time finding them. It was day one of the heat wave and there was a HAZE in the air above the lower level, I've never seen anything like it.

I had expectations for the night two setlist based on the LA and Denver night two shows: couple songs swapped for acoustic versions, one or two unreleased deep cuts, and some minor differences. Blew that out of the water when they opened with Lit Me Up (A+) which led into SINK. TOUR DEBUT, THEY PLAYED IT FOR THE FIRST TIME IN NINE FUCKING YEARS, IT’S LIKE THEY KNEW ME, DAISY’S #1 FAN, WAS THERE. 

Holding onto this screenshot for when I need to feel something:

AND

THEY

PLAYED

VICES

I LOST MY FUCKING MIND

Cool thing about wearing a mask is 1) less likely to catch the plague from the potential super spreader event, and 2) nobody sees you standing there with your mouth open in shock when the piano girl starts singing the intro to the song that was cut from the setlist weeks ago

Screamed along badly, and realized in real time that I don’t know what the hell he’s singing in one of my favorite songs:

(Damn shame I can only attach one video and not present evidence that I don't sound like shit all the time, and that I can actually hold my phone straight when I'm not having a meltdown)

Little sample of how obsessed I am and how I had to get creative with my bookmark names:

Got the unreleased new song Sealed To Me which I had never heard before but it was good, just him and his electric guitar. And a cover of somebody, I ran to the bathroom and fell off the bottom step and almost broke my toe, and then had to run downstairs because they only had two girl's stalls for the entire balcony, and missed the first half of Deugauser) (And sweat so badly that it splashed. Shirt was soaked through. There were rivers. Blech). Also, very glad I recorded my beloved You Won't Know on night one because some asshole was heckling them at every quiet moment. But holy fuck, it was a perfect set.

 AND I SURVIVED. NOT ONLY THAT, STOOD FOR BOTH! TWO DAYS IN A ROW! I increased my salt intake and drank more fluids and gradually increased my standing and standing still amount everyday for two weeks before by staying upright during sunshine time. AND IT WORKED! My hip was more of a problem than the POTS, I was stiff as hell on day 2 and needed the cane to shift my weight without falling over.

It was a perfect set of shows. I can't begin to explain how much I missed them in the last seven years and I can't believe they're back.

• Three other things: my hometown made the national news because of a shooting. I made it into the neopets art gallery again. And Danny got a GF and then found out she lied about her age (said 20, actually 16! which is thankfully the age of consent!) and they're not doing too well in the aftermath of that.

• Watched Split, The Nice Guys, Whiplash, the first Rambo, Pulp Fiction, and rewatched Superbad and Stardust and X and 2001: A Space Odyssey (trying to recall other movies that I watched 15 years ago when my senior year let out and I had the raw power of a Blockbuster daily free checkout and the discovery of megaupload: that, The Thing, American Psycho, and approximately 100 others)

• Three pictures from the last few weeks:

UPCOMING:

Dog haircut

Possibly celebrating half birthday with Danny and going to see the new Jurassic Park movie and getting frozen custard again

Garnet's birthday (got the rock boy a 27 carat garnet rock for his 27th birthday. Etsy let me record a birthday message and I hit submit and then started inconsolably WAILING)

Possibly going somewhere for a little getaway, plans up in the air rn

Possibly going to a midnight showing of Superman with Danny (I don't super give a damn about that movie, but I am their movie friend and midnight show works best with their schedule)

Raven Boys graphic novel possibly becomes my entire personality, if V.E. Schwab's new lesbian vampire book doesn't do that to me first once I get my paws on it

One last BN screenshot:

[sunset-in-my-veins]

Lately:

• Revenge of the Sith with Danny was a fucking BLAST, not only was the movie absolutely unreal on the big screen, but I love Danny and we became immediate friends 🥰 I've been included on a few of their nightly phone calls

Twelve year age difference chafes a little, though

• The movies a SECOND TIME a week later to see SCREAM. HOLY FUCK

Now I wanna see all my favorites on the big screen

• Shitty appointment with the endocrinologist - said I don't have the rare genetic disease HPP, there's nothing wrong with me in an endocrine way, my blood work was totally normal (it wasn't), is my debilitating fatigue just my vitamin deficiencies? Or my pain medications? Or some other bullshit? Basically said get out of here, goodbye

• Celebrated 40 years since Mom and Dad met

• First IV infusion, it was with nurse Justin who did the special blood test in March and seemed very interested in me. Luckily he was busy and didn't get the chance to sit there and give me extreme eye contact and ask 20 questions

It HELPED (no red feet, less chest pain, less pass-y out-y feeling overall) but once it wore off I felt hellishly awful, I'm gonna look into a medication that helps you retain fluid better to see if that helps? But I won't be doing this weekly if I feel really good for a day and a half and then can't stand up long enough to cook once it wears off

• Got measured for my compression stockings by a nice girl who called me sweetie pie

• FOB Boston

Next FOB show is Garnet's birthday - in fucking Calgary :( why not here :( :(

• Shitty appointment with hematology, said there used to be a chronic fatigue clinic at U of M but it closed, so good luck finding someone, and she's leaving the practice. So the PA Brian gets a chance to help me out in November, and then I find someone new

• Two sunshine times

• Garnet had two sleepovers at Danny's

And the sexual harasser quit. No called no showed, I sincerely hoped he was dead in a ditch 😊

• Didn't see Weathers at the bar, and I'm not seeing Pierce the Veil this weekend bc tickets were way too much and I told Garnet he could go by himself. I only really wanted to hear Bulletproof Love, but not for $200

• Watched Tales of the Underworld on the 4th and The Last of Us, I think I watched the fifth episode like five or six times and I don't even know why (Jesse being hot?). Watched Blow Out and Witness and Furiosa and rewatched American Psycho (again) and Inception (three times) and Just Friends (twice) (yes I am mentally ill, why do you ask) and The Terminator

• Blurry dog photo:

UPCOMING:

BRAND NEW

BRAND NEW TWICE

IF HEARING MY FAVORITES DOES ME IN, IT'S BEEN NICE KNOWING YOU ALL