Its been... well you know.
Its as if the storms have gone for good... but I can't really tell if that's a good thing.
Its as if I've lost half of me, like I've changed so drastically that I'm no longer someone I remember.
I may wander the same halls, stare blankly at all the same walls, and yet they seem different. Is it possible that the difference is me?
Sometimes I miss those days when I smelled of cigarettes and sex, when my eyes were dark and full of pain.
Its hard to let go of toxicity... like a hook buried in the meat of your heart.
Once there was someone I loved and hated at the same time... and now I've come to realize it was the same for my self perception.
Some might cringe away at the thought of who they were, and I may be no different, however that person I was is dead yet somehow I miss them.
Its a confusing kind of thought. I know I've changed and arguably for the better, but here I sit and wonder...
I know that version of me was more creative. I also know the pain they felt and slowly watched it kill them.
I feel as if I'm an accomplice to a murder, or would it be suicide?
Either way the Sunshine who took the name as irony is now dead and gone, even if his influence still remains.
Now its just me, the other side of a coin laying in dirt never to be flipped again... hopefully?
My name no longer holds itself with irony, now I well and truly feel as if it belongs to me.
In a weird, weird way what I'm trying to say is that sometimes I wish I could see him again without it hurting me.
Love and hate are some of the strongest emotions and sometimes they hold hands and tear you apart.
Whether towards another or for yourself consider those feelings closely; they may not be entirely different.
- Sunshine Mourning the Storms
