Felix

seouless Aussie dancer of Stray Kids

[sunshineboylix]

for a moment, he just looks at soobin. the tension from before is still there, faint around the edges, but it isn’t breaking anything. it isn’t pulling them apart. soobin is still close, still touching him like this, still searching his face instead of turning away. that’s the part that matters.

something in felix’s chest eases—not all the way, not enough to feel light, but enough to steady him. enough to remind him that they’re still here. that whatever this was, it didn’t take soobin from him. “i’m okay.” not because everything is settled, but because he knows what he needs to do now. where to guide this. how to bring them back to something that feels like them again.

he doesn’t leave the space open after that. doesn’t let the moment linger too long in that fragile place where it could tip back into something heavier. instead, he leans in just enough to press a light kiss to soobin’s temple, slow and deliberate, letting it sit there for a second before pulling back.

“i'm just glad we’re okay,” felix murmurs, quieter now. his hand slides a little higher along soobin’s side, settling there, keeping him close without holding too tight. like he’s anchoring them both in this version of things—the one where nothing is slipping, nothing is breaking, where they can just exist without overthinking it.

“come here,” he adds gently, though soobin already is. still, he draws him in a little closer, arms wrapping around him properly this time, more sure, more present. his chin dips to rest lightly against the top of soobin’s head, holding him there in a way that feels familiar, easy. and maybe that’s the point. "now, can i please make you dinner? i went to cheongdam and got that milk bread you like for dessert."

[choissoovins]

soobin's hand starts to move without much thought, slow and absent as it traces along felix’s back, up, then down again, fingers brushing lightly like he’s grounding himself in the feel of him. "yeah," he repeats "we’re okay."

felix’s words about dinner settle in a second later, and something in soobin softens even more. "you got milk bread?" there’s a small shift in his tone. something fond slipping through as he tilts his head just slightly, like that detail landed deeper than anything else. his fingers slow where they rest against felix’s side, brushing once more before settling there. "you didn’t have to do all that," he adds quietly, though it doesn’t sound like he minds at all. if anything, the opposite.

he exhales softly, leaning into him just a little more before lifting his head enough to look up again. "i’m not saying no to that," he admits, a faint, tired smile pulling at his lips. then, after a small pause like he’s catching up to his original train of thought, his brows knit slightly.

"wait," he glances toward the room for a second before looking back at felix. "do you know where i left my sleeping shirt?" his hand resumes its slow, absent path along felix’s back as he speaks, tone quieter now. "i was trying to find it earlier... before i got distracted. these clothes are starting to bug me and i want to get comfortable."

[sunshineboylix]

“yeah,” he echoes softly, his hand resting firm and warm at soobin’s side. felix lets out a quiet breath as soobin settles into him, the slow, absent movement of his hand along his back grounding in a way that feels familiar again. when soobin mentions the milk bread, felix huffs a small, almost shy breath of a laugh against his hair, something lighter finally slipping through. “of course i did,” he murmurs. his fingers trace a slow line along soobin’s side, a quiet reassurance in the motion.

“i wanted to,” he adds, softer. it’s simple. uncomplicated. something he can give without overthinking it. he lets the moment sit there for a second, warm and settled, before soobin’s next question pulls his attention back. felix lifts his head slightly, glancing around the room as if the answer might just be sitting out in the open.

“your sleeping shirt?” his hand slides from soobin’s side as he leans back just enough to look properly, gaze flicking toward the dresser. “i did the wash last night,” he says after a second, voice thoughtful. “it’s in the top drawer. i put some sweats you left here in there too, but it’s cleared out for you to put whatever you want in there.”

felix’s gaze drops back to soobin, softer again, taking in the slight tension in his expression. his hand lingers for a second longer at soobin’s side, thumb brushing once more in that same slow, grounding way before he lets him go, giving him the space to move. “c’mon,” felix adds gently, nudging him just a little. “go get comfortable. i’ll get started on dinner.”

[imnayeonactually]

❝ ...Mhm, yeah, I can see that. ❞

Still wearing that same expression; still half-annoyed, still half-amused. Truly, how did she end up nursing a grown man back to health? Though her movements tell otherwise, slowly and carefully. A thumb comes up without thinking, brushing lightly beneath his eye. As if that alone could smooth out that glassiness; to press him gently back into focus.

❝ Serves you right. ❞ Muttering under her breath, the spoon hovering just shy away of his lips before feeding him once more. ❝ Who even told you to run on caffeine like that? Don't you have food in your dorm? And I mean like actual food... not protein bars or protein shakes. ❞

The spoon dips into the bowl for a moment, shifting to adjust the blanket around his shoulders, tucking it closer. Then, the silverware resumes to gather another spoonful, nudging it gently forward.

❝ You need to eat more, okay? ❞

[sunshineboylix]

he looks up at her, normally bright eyes just a bit unfocused as his lips form a small pout between bites. "i didn't mean to..." he mumbles, "i just forgot about it." he's embarrassed to admit how many nights he's fallen alseep in the practice rooms or on the couch in chris's studio recently. his sleep schedule has been a mess for weeks with all of the travel and such, so he's been sleeping where he can, when he can. and most days, it's not nearly enough.

felix whines in protest at her scolding, even though he knows that she's right. he needs to take better care of himself, his trainers and managers keep telling him so, but he can't find the time to. not when so many people need him to be 'Felix of Stray Kids', and not just felix. still he nods weakly at her words and accepts the next spoonful.

his shoulders relax a little bit then, now that some of the caffeine has left his system and he has something solid in his stomach, the room is no longer spinning and he can actually look at her. " i thought..." he thinks over his next words for a moment. "i thought i would be able to handle it better by now, but... i feel like it's impossible to be what people expect of me."

[choissoovins]

soobin exhales quietly at that, the sound faint but real. "okay," he murmurs. it’s not forced. it lands gently between them. his arms tighten just a little around felix’s waist. after a minute, he shifts, lifting his head slowly. his hand slides up along felix’s side, fingertips brushing his jaw, thumb resting there like he’s grounding himself in something familiar. he leans in, pressing a soft kiss just under his jaw, slow, lingering for a second before pulling back. when he does, he doesn’t go far. his hand stays where it is, thumb brushing lightly along felix’s skin as he looks up at him, expression quieter now, but more settled.

he studies him for a second, like he’s trying to read the things felix isn’t saying out loud.

"...are you okay?" he asks softly. his brows knit just slightly, thumb still moving in small, absent motions against his jaw.

"is there anything else going on in your head right now?" he adds, quieter. "anything you didn’t say?" there’s no pressure in it. no expectation. just an open space, offered carefully. his grip at felix’s waist stays steady, not letting the distance come back. "you can tell me," he murmurs.

[sunshineboylix]

for a moment, he just looks at soobin. the tension from before is still there, faint around the edges, but it isn’t breaking anything. it isn’t pulling them apart. soobin is still close, still touching him like this, still searching his face instead of turning away. that’s the part that matters.

something in felix’s chest eases—not all the way, not enough to feel light, but enough to steady him. enough to remind him that they’re still here. that whatever this was, it didn’t take soobin from him. “i’m okay.” not because everything is settled, but because he knows what he needs to do now. where to guide this. how to bring them back to something that feels like them again.

he doesn’t leave the space open after that. doesn’t let the moment linger too long in that fragile place where it could tip back into something heavier. instead, he leans in just enough to press a light kiss to soobin’s temple, slow and deliberate, letting it sit there for a second before pulling back.

“i'm just glad we’re okay,” felix murmurs, quieter now. his hand slides a little higher along soobin’s side, settling there, keeping him close without holding too tight. like he’s anchoring them both in this version of things—the one where nothing is slipping, nothing is breaking, where they can just exist without overthinking it.

“come here,” he adds gently, though soobin already is. still, he draws him in a little closer, arms wrapping around him properly this time, more sure, more present. his chin dips to rest lightly against the top of soobin’s head, holding him there in a way that feels familiar, easy. and maybe that’s the point. "now, can i please make you dinner? i went to cheongdam and got that milk bread you like for dessert."

[choissoovins]

soobin doesn’t say anything at first. he just watches him. it’s subtle, the way felix holds himself, the way his voice stays steady even when it sounds like it shouldn’t, the way everything he’s saying keeps turning back onto himself like he’s already decided where the blame sits. soobin notices it all. he always does, and he feels it shift in real time. the frustration from before loosening, not disappearing, just making room for something else. something softer. heavier in a different way. his grip on the box eases, thumb brushing over it slower now, absent instead of restless.

i haven’t. i’ll do better.

his chest tightens again, but this time it’s not from confusion. it’s from hearing felix talk like that about himself. "hey," he says quietly. it comes out softer. e pushes himself up from the bed just enough to reach, one hand setting the box aside beside him without much thought. his other hand reaches forward, fingers curling gently at felix’s waist, tugging him in closer, slow, careful, giving him time to pull away if he wanted to, but he doesn’t stop there. soobin’s hand slides up, resting against felix’s cheek, soft and grounding as he looks up at him. eyes searching, but gentler now, less tangled.

"don’t," he starts, thumb brushing lightly along his skin. "don’t turn this into you not being enough." his voice stays low. "that’s not what this is." he exhales slowly. "i’m hurt, yeah," he admits, honest, gaze not leaving felix this time. "but it’s not because you did something unforgivable or because you don’t deserve me." his hand lingers at his cheek for a second longer before sliding down, resting lightly at his side as he stays close.

"it’s because you didn’t let me in on something like this." a small pause. soobin swallows, then continues, "i’ve always been honest with you." there’s no hesitation in that. "about how i feel. about you. about us. when i say you make me feel safe, i mean it,” he says, "when i talk about the future, i mean it. when i joke about marriage or... whatever, i’m not just saying it because it sounds nice." as he says it, he shifts just slightly closer, his forehead brushing lightly against felix before he lets himself lean in, resting the side of his face against felix’s chest, close enough to hear him, to feel him there.

"i see that with you," he murmurs, voice quieter now, softened by the closeness. "i see my future with you." soobin stays there for a second longer before pulling back just enough to look up again, expression tired but clear. "so when you keep something like this to yourself," he adds gently, "it just throws me off because i thought we were already there.” his hand lingers lightly at felix’s side, not letting him drift too far even now. "just don’t shut me out again," he murmurs, "please."

[sunshineboylix]

soobin’s voice softens, and felix feels the shift before he fully understands it. the sharp edge from before dulls, easing into something quieter, something that doesn’t feel like it’s about to break. the way soobin moves closer instead of further away is enough to tell him that this isn’t the point where things fall apart. that soobin isn’t leaving. something in his chest loosens at that, almost instinctive, but it doesn’t spread. it doesn’t turn into relief the way it probably should. it just… settles.

he stays still when soobin reaches for him this time. doesn’t hesitate, doesn’t pull back. he lets himself be drawn closer, the movement slow and unresisted, like he knows better now than to disrupt it.

don’t turn this into you not being enough

the words land, but not the way they’re meant to. felix doesn’t visibly react, doesn’t argue, because it’s not about whether it’s true or not. it’s that soobin can see it. that it showed at all. that something in him cracked open enough for soobin to reach that conclusion. that’s the part that stays.

felix lets soobin pull him in further. his arms come up around him automatically, careful, one hand settling at his back, the other light against his side. the contact is steady, warm, an attempt to restore soobin’s sense of security after felix has torn it apart. he tilts his head slightly, just enough that his cheek brushes against soobin’s hair, his hold firm but gentle.

just don’t shut me out again

“i won’t,” he says quietly. and he means it. he can do that. he won’t keep things like this to himself anymore. by making sure nothing like this happens again. “i promise.”

[choissoovins]

soobin exhales slowly, hand coming up to drag through his hair again, more tired than frustrated this time. his fingers linger there for a second before dropping, gaze falling somewhere between them. for a moment, it looks like he might just step away. like he needs the space, the quiet, the time to pull himself back together without everything sitting right in front of him, but he doesn’t. instead, he shifts, taking a small step back, and then sinks down onto the edge of the bed behind him, like his legs gave in before his thoughts could catch up. the box is still in his hand, resting loosely now against his thigh.

"i don’t like this," he admits quietly. he keeps his gaze down for a second, "not you," he adds quickly, a little breath following it. "just this feeling. i hate that i don’t know where to stand right now." his brows knit faintly, something vulnerable slipping through now that the frustration has worn off. "because i thought i did," he murmurs. felix’s words echo again, and soobin swallows, slower this time.

"when you say you’re scared of losing me," he starts, "it makes me feel like you think i’m already halfway out the door." his fingers curl slightly against the box again before relaxing, like he’s trying not to hold onto it too tightly. "like i’d leave just because you wanted more with me. that’s the part that," he stops, exhales, shaking his head faintly. "that’s the part that hurts." there’s a pause. then he shifts slightly on the bed, shoulders dropping just a little as he lets himself sit in it instead of pushing past it. "i meant it," he says again, "all of it. every time we talked about the future, or marriage, or whatever." his lips press together briefly before he continues.

"i wasn’t just saying it because it sounded nice. i wasn’t saying it because i felt like i had to." his gaze lifts again, meeting felix’s more fully now, even if there’s still something fragile behind it. "i said it because it’s you." soobin exhales slowly. "and i don’t want you to feel like you have to hold yourself back from that with me," he adds, voice low. "or like wanting more is what’s going to make me leave." there’s another pause before he speaks again.

"i’m hurt about you not telling me," he admits. "i’m not gonna pretend i’m not." honest. "but i don’t want to walk away from this either." his gaze flickers for a second, then steadies again on felix. "so don’t fix it by taking it back," he adds quietly. "just talk to me instead of trying to hide the truth from me."

[sunshineboylix]

the space between them feels different now. not wider, not really—but heavier, filled with everything that’s already been said and everything that didn’t land the way it should have.

i don’t like this.

it hits immediately, low in his chest, a quiet kind of weight that doesn’t ease. felix doesn’t let his expression shift much, but something inside him folds in on itself all the same. he keeps still, hands at his sides, fingers curling faintly into his palms just to hold onto something steady while everything else slips. his gaze drops for a moment, brief but necessary, like he needs that second to steady himself before looking back up again. there’s no arguing it. no way to reshape it into something softer.

he didn’t tell him.

he let it sit in a drawer, let it become something hidden, something separate from them.

...like you think i’m already halfway out the door

he hadn’t meant it like that, but the intent feels irrelevant now, almost flimsy compared to the way it landed. because this is what soobin heard. this is what felix made him feel.

“i'm sorry,” he says, and his voice is steady in a way that costs him more than it should. the words don’t try to fix anything. they just sit there, small and insufficient, because there isn’t anything else to say to that. "i was thoughtless. with my words, and with buying that. i reacted to my own insecurities instead of trusting you." he should have told him. there’s no version of this where that part comes out differently. "you've done everything right, from the beginning, and i..." don't deserve you "...haven't."

for a moment, he considers stepping closer, closing the space properly, but he doesn't. soobin took the space for a reason, and felix doesn't want to make this worse.

“i should’ve told you.” it comes out softer than anything else, but there’s no hesitation in it. even if part of him wishes he could—just to undo the moment, to erase the moment he bought the ring—he knows that isn’t what soobin asked for. it isn’t what would fix this. he knows that now. "i was... embarrassed. i wasn't thinking when i bought it. i just... liked the way it looked. and that didn't feel like a good, or rational, reason to buy a wedding band. you're not even supposed to buy your own, you're supposed to buy it for your partner. it was... it was just an insane thing for me to do so suddenly, and so that's why i didn't tell you. not because i don't trust you, but because what sane person does that? who buys themselves a wedding ring because they like the feeling of it on their finger? i didn't want you to think i was crazy, because i probably would if i were you."

felix exhales slowly, his shoulders lowering just slightly as something in him settles—not lighter, not resolved, just… fixed in place. like he’s already turning it inward, already deciding what this means about him and how he handled this. how he failed to handle it.

“i’ll do better,” he adds, softer. his eyes drop once more to the ring, still in soobin’s hand, before lifting again. he doesn’t reach for it. doesn’t ask for it back. it's not something that belongs with him, not something he deserves to have.

[imnayeonactually]

"You smell like green" feat. Felix | @sunshineboylix

Door swinging open before knocking, slipping inside with authoritative ease like someone who's been there before plenty of times. Hands full, balancing a tray like a peace offering—an opportunity of a truce for that earlier comment he made. The steam curling upward in soft, ghostly ribbons from the bowl. 닭죽, a comforting and nutritious chicken rice porridge. Perfect for someone who's only been consuming questionable amounts of that forsaken energy drink on an empty stomach.

❝ Here, open. ❞

Scooping a careful spoonful, blowing on it with exaggerated patience. The kind of act reserved for toddlers and stubborn men.

❝ Don't make me airplane this, Lixie. ❞

[sunshineboylix]

felix looked up at nayeon with glassy eyes, unfocused eyes. he's not entirely sure how he got to her apartment, not sure where chris went. the caffeince crash snuck up on him, but now he can't seem to connect the dots for what's happening right now. "i'm tired," he whines. still he can't say 'no' to his twice noonas, so his mouth opens without complaint.

he accepts the spoon with a hum, still dazed from the amount of caffeine remaining coursing through his veins. he hums happily as the taste of porridge hits him, the first food he's had today. once he's finished chewing, he opens his mouth for another bite.

[dreamer-inseoul]

── 「 ✦ STARTER ✦ 」 for @sunshineboylix

Chris knocks on the practice room door before opening it, even if Felix can't hear him, he still wants to announce his presence before intruding on his time. "Hey, Felix," the older blonde calls out, poking his head in before his body follows and the door closes behind him. "It's time to call it a night, mate."

He knows that Felix has something on his mind, he doesn't know what but as the leader of the group, he makes it his mission to be clued in somewhat to the kids' lives.

"Hey." He calls a little louder, turning the speaker off to make sure that he's being heard. "Lix, man, it's nearly midnight. You need to head back to the dorms."

[sunshineboylix]

felix doesn't hear the door open. doesn't notice chris come in from how hard he's concentrating on the steps. he's been at this for hours, long enough for the lights in the hallway to shut off. long enough that he's forgotten about how hungry he is or what hour it might be. all he can let himself focus on is the choreography for the comeback and how he just can't get the steps perfect.

that's been the case for everything in felix's life lately. trying and failing to get things right. he's been struggling to focus at practice, falling short in his relationship would be an understatement. he feels like he just can't be what people need him to be.

it's not until chris shuts the music off that his concentration breaks long enough to notice the older man's presence in the room. as quickly as the music shuts off, felix locks in. he forces an easy smile as he wipes the sweat from his brow. "hey mate, didn't hear you come in."

@gnhabsirhc

[choissoovins]

soobin goes quiet again, but this time it doesn’t settle, it builds. something in felix’s words lands wrong.

we’re good like this. stable. easy.

his breath hitches slightly, and before he can stop himself, he takes a small step back. not far, just enough to create space that wasn’t there before. his free hand comes up, dragging through his hair in a quick, restless motion, like he’s trying to shake something loose that won’t budge. easy. the word sits heavier the more he turns it over. not comforting. not reassuring. frustrating. his jaw tightens, fingers pressing more firmly into the box without him realizing, the edge digging faintly into his palm as his thoughts start to spiral around it.

"easy?" he repeats, quieter at first. his gaze lifts to felix, searching, but there’s a crease between his brows now that wasn’t there before. “what does that even mean?” it comes out more frustrated than he intended. he exhales through his nose, shaking his head faintly as his hand drops back to his side, tension still sitting in his shoulders.

"because it sounds like you’re just settling." the word feels wrong even as he says it, but he doesn’t take it back. his grip shifts on the box again, restless, like he doesn’t know what to do with it or with the weight of everything felix just said.

"like this is enough for you because it’s easy to keep it here," he continues, voice a little tighter now. "like you’d rather not risk it turning into something more, so you just decide it won’t." his chest tightens again, the frustration tangling with something softer, something that makes his voice dip slightly even as he keeps going. "but that’s not what this feels like to me."

his gaze drops for a second, like he’s trying to collect himself, but his thoughts don’t slow, they just keep overlapping.

you’d want more. i’d ruin it first. things change.

soobin lets out a small, strained breath, shoulders still tense as he tries to make sense of it out loud.

"you’re saying you trust what we have," he murmurs "but at the same time you’re keeping it from becoming anything else. like you already decided where this stops." there’s a pause, "and i don’t know how i’m supposed to just stand here and be okay with that."

[sunshineboylix]

felix exhales quietly, his jaw tightening before he can stop it. he doesn’t interrupt, even when the words start to come faster, sharper—not cruel, just… honest in a way that presses right against everything felix has been trying to keep contained. so he lets the silence sit for a second after soobin finishes. "... babe... that's not what i meant. i know that's what i said but-..."

he let's out a small sigh of frustration. not frustration with soobin, but himself. his voice is still soft, but it’s different now. not smoothing, not deflecting. there’s something firmer underneath it, even if it’s quiet. “it’s not ‘easy’ because it’s less,” felix says, more carefully. “it’s easy because… i don’t have to question it. i don’t have to wonder if it’s going to disappear.”

his chest tightens as soon as the words leave him.

too much.

but he doesn’t take them back.

“i’m not deciding where this stops,” he continues, quieter. “i’m trying not to push it.” his fingers curl faintly at his side, like they’re resisting the urge to reach for him again. "i'm not scared of commiting to you... i'm scared of losing you for asking for too much."

felix’s eyes flick briefly to the box still in soobin’s hand, then back up again. “if i was settling, i wouldn’t have bought that,” he says, and this time there’s no softening around it. no deflection.

"i'm sorry for hiding it from you." he looks up at soobin, trying to read his facial expression. " soobin..." he reaches for his boyfriend's face like he's made of porcelain. "i love you. more than anything. i... i want to marry you, but all i care about is being with you. in whatever way i can."

felix felt like he'd dug a grave for their relationship and soobin just found the shovel. was this it? would this be what made soobin walk away? "how can i make this right?"

[sunshineboylix]

felix feels it unravel in real time. a thread pulling loose, then another, until suddenly everything he thought he was holding together starts slipping through his hands. the words sit heavy in the air, and felix already knows he chose wrong. his chest tightens, something sharp and immediate, but he doesn’t interrupt. he lets soobin talk, even as each word lands a little deeper than the last.

‘you just didn’t trust me enough to take me seriously.’

“no—” it comes out instinctively, too quick, like he can catch it before it settles into something real. but the rest of it doesn’t come as easily. because that’s not it. it’s worse than that.

felix’s hand shifts slightly against soobin’s wrist, not pulling away, just… there. grounding, or maybe asking for it. he doesn’t reach for the box this time. doesn’t try to fix it with movement.

he sees the way something in soobin’s expression cracks, just slightly, but enough. felix’s breath catches, quiet, his gaze dropping for a moment. “i didn’t mean it like that,” he says softly, and this time there’s no attempt to smooth it over too quickly. it’s slower. more careful. like he’s trying not to make it worse again.

because he already has.

his fingers curl faintly where they rest against soobin’s wrist, the smallest bit of tension betraying him. “i didn’t think you were just saying things,” he corrects, quieter now. “not like that.”

felix exhales slowly, like he’s forcing himself to stay here instead of retreating into something easier. because this is the part he didn’t want to say. the part that makes everything feel too real, too close to shifting into something he can’t control. but he can see it. nothing else is going to reach soobin unless he does this properly.

“i thought if i treated it like it mattered too much, it might scare you.” there it is. “not because you don’t mean what you say,” felix adds quickly, softer now. “but because… things change when you make them bigger.” his voice dips slightly on the last word. because marriage is bigger. forever is bigger. losing him would be bigger, too.

“i didn’t want to be the one that pushed it there,” he admits. there’s a pause, quieter this time, but not empty. his thumb brushes once against soobin’s wrist again, more tentative now, like he’s not entirely sure he still has the right. “i wasn’t hiding it because i don’t trust you,” felix says, and this part comes easier, more certain. “i was hiding it because i didn’t trust… what it would do.”

to us

to you

to me

his eyes flick briefly to the box still held between them, then back to soobin’s face, searching again, but more openly this time. less controlled. more honest than he’s comfortable with.

“i bought it because it mattered,” he says finally, voice quieter now, but steady in a different way. that part, at least, he doesn’t try to soften. his chest tightens again, but he doesn’t look away this time. “i just didn’t know if i was supposed to let it matter out loud.”

[choissoovins]

soobin didn’t answer right away. he just stood there, the box still in his hand, felix’s touch still resting against his wrist, light, almost careful now. his thoughts felt loud. not in a way he could sort through, just overlapping, one after the other until he couldn’t really tell which feeling was supposed to come first. hurt, confusion, something softer underneath it all that kept trying to understand instead of react. his chest felt tight again, but it wasn’t sharp anymore, it was heavy. he let out a slow breath, gaze dropping somewhere between them as his thumb brushed the edge of the box again.

"i don’t even know what i’m supposed to feel right now," he admitted quietly. it wasn’t defensive. it didn’t sound like he was pushing back. just honest. a little lost.

"i’m trying to understand you," he added after a second, softer, like he was thinking through it as he spoke. "i am. i just," his words faltered, shoulders pulling in slightly as he tried to find something that made sense to say. "i don’t know what to say to this."

the admission sat heavier than anything else he’d said so far. his gaze lifted slowly, finding felix again, searching in a way that felt more open now, even if it made him feel a little exposed.

"what did you expect to happen?" he asked, voice low, careful. not accusing, but there was something fragile threaded through it. "like if you told me." there was a small pause, his brows pulling together faintly.

"did you think i’d get scared?" the question lingered for a second before something else slipped through, quieter, but heavier.

"or" he hesitated, breath catching just slightly, "did you think i wouldn’t want it?" his chest tightened again at that, and he swallowed before continuing, voice dropping just a little more. "because it kind of sounds like you don’t trust what we have."

he didn’t say it harshly. if anything, it sounded more unsure than anything else like he didn’t want that to be the truth, but didn’t know how else to read it. his gaze dipped for a moment, lashes lowering as he tried to steady himself again. "and i don’t know what to do with that either."

[sunshineboylix]

he feels that pull to fix it, to say the exact right thing that will smooth this over, make it lighter, make it safe again. it’s instinct at this point. take the hurt, soften it, carry it if he has to. but this isn’t something he can smooth without breaking something else.

“no,” he says finally, quiet but certain. his thumb presses faintly against soobin’s wrist, something a little more grounded this time, like he needs the contact to stay where he is.

“i didn’t think you wouldn’t want it.” that part is easy. certain. it’s everything around it that isn’t.

“i thought if i said it out loud—if i let it be real like that—then it wouldn’t stay the same anymore.” his gaze lifts back to soobin’s, steady, even if there’s something more exposed in it now. “not because of you,” he adds, softer. “just… because that’s what happens when things change.”

his chest feels tight again, but he doesn’t look away.

“we’re good like this,” felix says quietly, and this time it doesn’t sound like reassurance—it sounds like something he’s been holding onto. “we’re… stable. easy.”

safe

he doesn’t say that part, but it’s there, sitting underneath everything. his fingers curl slightly, then relax again against soobin’s wrist, like he’s catching himself before he grips too tightly.

“i didn’t think you’d get scared,” felix admits. he swallows, and for a second, something softer slips through. “i thought you’d see once we took that step, that you wanted more than I can give you.”

there’s a pause after that. it’s small, but it shifts something. his gaze flickers, just briefly, like he almost looks away.

“or that i’d ruin it before you could,” he adds, more quietly. that’s closer to the center of it. his hand finally shifts, not pulling away, but turning slightly so his fingers rest more fully against soobin’s wrist, less tentative now. just there, steady.

“i trust what we have now,” felix says, and this time there’s no hesitation in it. but his voice softens on the next part. “i just don’t trust what happens when i want more than i’m supposed to.”

[sunshineboylix]

his gaze drops for a second, not to the ring, but somewhere in between, like he can’t quite look at it directly with soobin holding it like that. “i just… didn’t know how to bring it up without making it into something bigger than it needed to be.”

he can’t even begin to explain what possessed him to actually purchase the ring. it was a moment of temporary insanity, driven by stress and panic. how could he possibly tell soobin that when he already looks so upset just seeing the box? felix’s fingers shift slightly against soobin’s wrist, a small, grounding touch. he keeps his tone gentle, careful, like he’s trying to guide this somewhere softer.

“i know we’ve talked about it in theory…” he mutters, glancing up briefly. “about getting married.”he doesn’t linger there. he can’t. “i didn’t think you meant it like… seriously.” there’s no accusation in it, just something quiet, almost self-conscious. “it felt like one of those things you say because it feels nice in the moment.”his chest tightens a little as he says it, but he keeps going anyway. “so i didn’t want to make it weird by… treating it like it was something you had to follow through on.”

felix finally looks at the box then, just for a second, before lifting his gaze back to soobin. his expression softens, something almost apologetic in it.

“i’m happy like this, baby.”the words are quiet, but they land carefully, like he’s placing them down between them on purpose. he shifts a little closer, not enough to crowd him, just enough to close some of the space that’s started to form. “i don’t need anything more than this. just you. just like this.” felix adds, softer now. his hand slides just slightly, thumb brushing once against soobin’s wrist in a small, soothing motion.

“i just didn’t want you to feel like i was holding you to something you said once.” felix searches his face again, more carefully this time, like he’s trying to read whether this helped, whether he managed to smooth it out or if he just made it worse in a different way. because underneath all of it, there’s still that fear that if he reaches too far, if he lets soobin see how much the ring means, how much marriage means to him… “i’m sorry, baby… this is why I didn’t tell you. i’ll take it back to the store in the morning and we can forget all about it, for real.”

[choissoovins]

soobin’s breath stuttered, quiet but uneven. he didn’t pull away from felix’s touch, but he didn’t return it either. his hand stayed still beneath it, fingers curled a little tighter around the box. you didn’t think i meant it. the thought landed heavier the longer it sat there. his gaze dropped, lashes lowering as he tried to make sense of it, but it only made the tightness in his chest feel worse.

"...you thought i was just saying things," he said quietly, voice softer than usual, but there was something fragile threaded through it now. he shook his head faintly, like he couldn’t quite believe it.

"i don’t... do that," he added, words slower this time, like he was choosing them carefully and still getting it wrong. "not with you." a pause settled, heavy and unmoving. and he's back to rambling again. "you really thought i didn’t mean it?" he asked, and this time it did sound like a question. his chest tightened sharper at that, something aching beneath it. "or you just didn’t trust me enough to take me seriously?" there was no bite in it. just hurt. felix’s apology didn’t settle anything. it just passed through, like it didn’t quite reach the part of soobin that needed it. and then...

i’ll take it back.

soobin’s head lifted a little, something in his expression cracking just enough to show through. "why would you do that?" his voice wasn’t loud. "you bought it for a reason," he continued, softer now, but more unsteady. "you don’t just..." he stops, unable to make sense of any of this.

"...you didn’t tell me," he said, quieter, but it landed heavier than anything else. his throat tightened, and he had to swallow before continuing. "you had this..." his hand lifted slightly, the box caught between them, "and you kept it from me." his voice dipped.

"i thought we told each other everything." the words sat there, simple but heavy. "and then you say you didn’t think i meant it," he added, almost under his breath. "like i was just saying things because it sounded nice."

"i meant it," he said, quieter now, the words pressing out through something heavy in his chest. there was a pause, longer this time, his eyes not quite meeting felix’s anymore. he let out a small, shaky breath, gaze slipping away for a second because he could feel it building. too much, too fast, and he didn’t know how to say any of it without it coming out wrong.

"i don’t know what i’m supposed to do with that."

[sunshineboylix]

felix feels it unravel in real time. a thread pulling loose, then another, until suddenly everything he thought he was holding together starts slipping through his hands. the words sit heavy in the air, and felix already knows he chose wrong. his chest tightens, something sharp and immediate, but he doesn’t interrupt. he lets soobin talk, even as each word lands a little deeper than the last.

‘you just didn’t trust me enough to take me seriously.’

“no—” it comes out instinctively, too quick, like he can catch it before it settles into something real. but the rest of it doesn’t come as easily. because that’s not it. it’s worse than that.

felix’s hand shifts slightly against soobin’s wrist, not pulling away, just… there. grounding, or maybe asking for it. he doesn’t reach for the box this time. doesn’t try to fix it with movement.

he sees the way something in soobin’s expression cracks, just slightly, but enough. felix’s breath catches, quiet, his gaze dropping for a moment. “i didn’t mean it like that,” he says softly, and this time there’s no attempt to smooth it over too quickly. it’s slower. more careful. like he’s trying not to make it worse again.

because he already has.

his fingers curl faintly where they rest against soobin’s wrist, the smallest bit of tension betraying him. “i didn’t think you were just saying things,” he corrects, quieter now. “not like that.”

felix exhales slowly, like he’s forcing himself to stay here instead of retreating into something easier. because this is the part he didn’t want to say. the part that makes everything feel too real, too close to shifting into something he can’t control. but he can see it. nothing else is going to reach soobin unless he does this properly.

“i thought if i treated it like it mattered too much, it might scare you.” there it is. “not because you don’t mean what you say,” felix adds quickly, softer now. “but because… things change when you make them bigger.” his voice dips slightly on the last word. because marriage is bigger. forever is bigger. losing him would be bigger, too.

“i didn’t want to be the one that pushed it there,” he admits. there’s a pause, quieter this time, but not empty. his thumb brushes once against soobin’s wrist again, more tentative now, like he’s not entirely sure he still has the right. “i wasn’t hiding it because i don’t trust you,” felix says, and this part comes easier, more certain. “i was hiding it because i didn’t trust… what it would do.”

to us

to you

to me

his eyes flick briefly to the box still held between them, then back to soobin’s face, searching again, but more openly this time. less controlled. more honest than he’s comfortable with.

“i bought it because it mattered,” he says finally, voice quieter now, but steady in a different way. that part, at least, he doesn’t try to soften. his chest tightens again, but he doesn’t look away this time. “i just didn’t know if i was supposed to let it matter out loud.”

[sunshineboylix]

felix’s first instinct is to close the distance, to fix the look on soobin’s face before it has time to settle into something heavier. he hates that pause, hates that something has slipped between them, even for a second.

the box looks smaller in soobin’s hand than it felt when felix bought it. lighter, too. like it couldn’t possibly hold the kind of weight felix knows it does.

he shouldn’t have kept it.

he shouldn’t have bought it.

“it’s just…” his voice comes out softer than he intends, careful, like if he keeps it light enough it won’t turn into anything real. like if he says the wrong thing, it might crack something open that he won’t be able to put back.

because what is the right answer?

that he bought it, not as a symbol of love, but of the life felix has convinced himself he’ll never get to have? that when he thinks about forever, it doesn’t feel safe… it feels like standing too close to an edge?

his eyes flick to the ring, then away just as quickly. he forces a small smile, the kind that usually works, the kind that smooths things over, the kind that keeps things easy. “i bought it a while ago. i just—forgot about it.”

he didn’t forget.

felix reaches for him then, fingers brushing lightly against soobin’s wrist, grounding, gentle. maybe if he’s soft enough, this won’t turn into something sharp. “don’t worry, baby, it was just an impulse purchase. nothing serious.”

[choissoovins]

soobin didn’t miss things. he never really had. especially not when it came to felix. it was always the small details with him. the way felix’s voice shifted when he was nervous, how his hands lingered a second longer when he wanted to say something but didn’t, the little habits that soobin had learned without even trying. so this. this didn’t fit anywhere.

he felt it before he showed it, the quiet tightening in his chest that made his breathing feel just a little more deliberate. not sharp, not overwhelming. just enough to throw him off balance. his gaze dropped to the ring again, thumb brushing along the edge of the box like he was tracing something familiar, but it wasn’t. it didn’t feel like something that had been part of them.

impulse. forgot about it. nothing serious.

none of it sounded like felix. that was the part that stayed with him.

soobin swallowed, slow, his jaw tightening faintly before he even realized it. because if it wasn’t like felix, then why was he saying it like that? why hide it? the question came quieter in his head this time, but it landed heavier. not suspicious, just... hurt. when he finally looked back up, his expression hadn’t hardened. if anything, it had softened, but in a way that made the distance between them feel more real, not less.

"you would’ve told me," he said, voice low. his fingers curled slightly around the box, holding it a little closer to himself without thinking.

"about something like this. you wouldn’t just forget." there was no accusation in it. no edge. his eyes flickered over felix’s face, searching without meaning to, like he was trying to find the version of him that made sense again.

"so why didn’t you?"

[sunshineboylix]

his gaze drops for a second, not to the ring, but somewhere in between, like he can’t quite look at it directly with soobin holding it like that. “i just… didn’t know how to bring it up without making it into something bigger than it needed to be.”

he can’t even begin to explain what possessed him to actually purchase the ring. it was a moment of temporary insanity, driven by stress and panic. how could he possibly tell soobin that when he already looks so upset just seeing the box? felix’s fingers shift slightly against soobin’s wrist, a small, grounding touch. he keeps his tone gentle, careful, like he’s trying to guide this somewhere softer.

“i know we’ve talked about it in theory…” he mutters, glancing up briefly. “about getting married.”he doesn’t linger there. he can’t. “i didn’t think you meant it like… seriously.” there’s no accusation in it, just something quiet, almost self-conscious. “it felt like one of those things you say because it feels nice in the moment.”his chest tightens a little as he says it, but he keeps going anyway. “so i didn’t want to make it weird by… treating it like it was something you had to follow through on.”

felix finally looks at the box then, just for a second, before lifting his gaze back to soobin. his expression softens, something almost apologetic in it.

“i’m happy like this, baby.”the words are quiet, but they land carefully, like he’s placing them down between them on purpose. he shifts a little closer, not enough to crowd him, just enough to close some of the space that’s started to form. “i don’t need anything more than this. just you. just like this.” felix adds, softer now. his hand slides just slightly, thumb brushing once against soobin’s wrist in a small, soothing motion.

“i just didn’t want you to feel like i was holding you to something you said once.” felix searches his face again, more carefully this time, like he’s trying to read whether this helped, whether he managed to smooth it out or if he just made it worse in a different way. because underneath all of it, there’s still that fear that if he reaches too far, if he lets soobin see how much the ring means, how much marriage means to him… “i’m sorry, baby… this is why I didn’t tell you. i’ll take it back to the store in the morning and we can forget all about it, for real.”

[sunshineboylix]

felix feels the air shift when he doesn’t find soobin in the living room. he sets his bags down on the counter carefully, as if too much noise would ruin the quiet in the apartment. soobin didn’t come to greet him. that’s odd.

“…baby?” he follows the sound of soobin’s voice to the bedroom. what could be keeping him occupied enough to not come meet him at the door? he pushes the door open expecting to find the leader curled up under the covers. felix had promised to make dinner tonight, so maybe soobin was settling in for the evening while he waiting for him to get home? different possibilities filled his mind in the short time it took for him to enter the room, but this one never cross his mind.

soobin holding…

the ring

at first, felix can’t find a single word. all of the languages he knew seem to have been wiped from his mind and all that he can process is his world falling apart right before his eyes. “i…”

come on, say something, his subconscious urges. “what…” he doesn’t even know where to begin. what to say that could minimize the damage caused by the little blue box resting in his boyfriend’s palm. “that’s not… what you think it is.”

he can tell by the way that soobin is holding it, but the crease in his brow, that the leader can sense how significant that infernal ring truly is. its the embodiment of everything they talked about when their relationship was new, when *forever* was too far in the distance to be frightening. but now, forever was waiting inside its velvet enclosure and it was far too real, too close for comfort.

[choissoovins]

soobin didn’t move when felix stepped into the room. he was still standing by the dresser, the small box resting in his hand. his fingers had gone a little tighter around it at the sound of felix’s voice. he looked up slowly, eyes landing on felix, really landing this time, and something in his expression shifted, quieter than usual. softer.

"that’s not… what you think it is."

the words didn’t quite settle. they just hovered there, unanswered, as soobin’s gaze flickered back down to the box for a second before returning to him. his thoughts didn’t come in clean lines. they tangled.

then what is it?

his thumb brushed along the edge again, a small, absent motion. why hide it? there was a flicker of something else, sharper this time. did someone give it to him? his jaw tightened faintly, not in anger, just confusion, something heavier sitting behind it. why wouldn’t he tell me? it didn’t make sense. none of it did. not with how they were. not with everything they’d said to each other before, all those late night conversations that felt too honest to be taken back.

soobin swallowed, lashes lowering briefly like he was trying to sort through it all before it showed too clearly on his face. when he looked back up, his expression had softened. less guarded, more fragile in a way he didn’t usually let slip through.

"then what is it?" he asked quietly. his voice didn’t carry any edge to it, just something small, almost careful, like he wasn’t sure what answer he was about to get.

[sunshineboylix]

felix’s first instinct is to close the distance, to fix the look on soobin’s face before it has time to settle into something heavier. he hates that pause, hates that something has slipped between them, even for a second.

the box looks smaller in soobin’s hand than it felt when felix bought it. lighter, too. like it couldn’t possibly hold the kind of weight felix knows it does.

he shouldn’t have kept it.

he shouldn’t have bought it.

“it’s just…” his voice comes out softer than he intends, careful, like if he keeps it light enough it won’t turn into anything real. like if he says the wrong thing, it might crack something open that he won’t be able to put back.

because what is the right answer?

that he bought it, not as a symbol of love, but of the life felix has convinced himself he’ll never get to have? that when he thinks about forever, it doesn’t feel safe… it feels like standing too close to an edge?

his eyes flick to the ring, then away just as quickly. he forces a small smile, the kind that usually works, the kind that smooths things over, the kind that keeps things easy. “i bought it a while ago. i just—forgot about it.”

he didn’t forget.

felix reaches for him then, fingers brushing lightly against soobin’s wrist, grounding, gentle. maybe if he’s soft enough, this won’t turn into something sharp. “don’t worry, baby, it was just an impulse purchase. nothing serious.”

[sunshineboylix]

felix can hear his heartbeat in his ears the entire walk to the apartment. he reviews his checklist over and over again, trying to ensure he hasn’t missed anything but also to distract himself. he knows he got all of the ingredients from the store, knows he picked the freshest flowers and biggest loaf of milk bread he could find, knows that he could get everything right and still not measure up.

he pushes the thought down as he approaches the door to his apartment, hopeful that soobin did come over. he fumbles with the keys but gets the door open just in time to make his voice come out evenly. “baby? are you here?”

@choissoovins

[choissoovins]

soobin had let himself in not too long ago, the familiar quiet of felix’s apartment settling around him like something second nature. his shoes were already kicked off by the door, socks soft against the floor as he wandered further in, absentminded in the way he always was when he felt at home somewhere. he’d started with the obvious places first, the back of a chair, the edge of the couch, half-looking for the oversized shirt he was sure he’d left behind last time. it wasn’t until he drifted into the bedroom that he crouched slightly by the dresser, pulling open a drawer with a small hum under his breath, more focused on the task than anything else.

“baby? are you here?”

“yeah, i’m here,” he called back easily, voice carrying just enough before softening again as his attention slipped right back to what he was doing. his fingers paused when they brushed against something that didn’t feel like fabric. a small box. neat. unfamiliar. his brows pulled together faintly as he picked it up, turning it over once in his hands. for a second, he assumed it was something gifted, another brand send, maybe, felix got those all the time.

without much thought, he flipped it open.

the world didn’t stop. it didn’t shatter or shift in any obvious way. everything stayed exactly the same, the quiet apartment, the distant sound of movement near the front door, but something inside him stilled all the same. his gaze settled on the ring, the faintest crease forming between his brows as he took it in properly this time. not flashy. not overdone. just intentional.

soobin exhaled slowly, almost too quiet to hear, thumb brushing once along the edge of the box like he needed something to ground himself. his first thought wasn’t confusion, it was something softer, heavier. something that sat low in his chest and didn’t quite have a name yet. he swallowed, lashes lowering for a moment as his grip on the box adjusted, careful, like it suddenly mattered more than it should’ve.

then, just as gently, he closed it.

the sound of the door behind him clicked faintly in the distance, and soobin straightened slightly where he was, the box still resting in his hand as he glanced toward the hallway.

[sunshineboylix]

felix feels the air shift when he doesn’t find soobin in the living room. he sets his bags down on the counter carefully, as if too much noise would ruin the quiet in the apartment. soobin didn’t come to greet him. that’s odd.

“…baby?” he follows the sound of soobin’s voice to the bedroom. what could be keeping him occupied enough to not come meet him at the door? he pushes the door open expecting to find the leader curled up under the covers. felix had promised to make dinner tonight, so maybe soobin was settling in for the evening while he waiting for him to get home? different possibilities filled his mind in the short time it took for him to enter the room, but this one never cross his mind.

soobin holding…

the ring

at first, felix can’t find a single word. all of the languages he knew seem to have been wiped from his mind and all that he can process is his world falling apart right before his eyes. “i…”

come on, say something, his subconscious urges. “what…” he doesn’t even know where to begin. what to say that could minimize the damage caused by the little blue box resting in his boyfriend’s palm. “that’s not… what you think it is.”

he can tell by the way that soobin is holding it, but the crease in his brow, that the leader can sense how significant that infernal ring truly is. its the embodiment of everything they talked about when their relationship was new, when *forever* was too far in the distance to be frightening. but now, forever was waiting inside its velvet enclosure and it was far too real, too close for comfort.

[sunshineboylix]

felix can hear his heartbeat in his ears the entire walk to the apartment. he reviews his checklist over and over again, trying to ensure he hasn’t missed anything but also to distract himself. he knows he got all of the ingredients from the store, knows he picked the freshest flowers and biggest loaf of milk bread he could find, knows that he could get everything right and still not measure up.

he pushes the thought down as he approaches the door to his apartment, hopeful that soobin did come over. he fumbles with the keys but gets the door open just in time to make his voice come out evenly. “baby? are you here?”

@choissoovins

[sunshineboylix]

felix wakes up without an alarm.

that alone feels wrong. his body is used to returning to reality in the presence of someone else, be it their warmth beside him or their voice calling through the door.

instead there’s only stillness.

he lies there longer than necessary, one hand pressed flat to his chest like he’s checking that he’s still anchored to himself. his back aches in that familiar, low, dull way—present but manageable. a reminder that he is alone in his body today, too. eventually, he gets up.

felix tries to be present, not glued to his phone, on the short drive. the clinic smells like herbs and clean linen. soon, he’s lying face-down on the table, shirt pulled up just enough to expose his back. when the first needle goes in, there’s a sharp breath—then release. his injury has taught him a lot about pain. mostly that he’s good at enduring it quietly. that he knows how to dissociate just enough to function.

as the acupuncture needles settle, warmth blooms in slow, unfamiliar patterns. his thoughts quiet—not gone, just… less loud. i don’t take care of myself until i have no other choice, he thinks.

he focuses on his breathing. in through his nose. out through his mouth. he lets the table hold his weight. lets the idea settle that his body deserves care. a needle near his lower back sends a pulse of sensation down his leg. he winces, then exhales through it. at some point, he dozes off as each pinch in his back brings him relief.

the kitchen smells like coffee when he returns home, a telltale sign that seungmin has left for the day. felix ties his apron a little too tightly, fingers moving with more focus than necessary for an action he’s done so many times. he’s trying a new recipe: lemon olive oil cake. he chose it on purpose. something he couldn’t already be perfect at. his therapist had suggested novelty without pressure.

as he zestes the lemon, his thoughts drift in uninvited. his mind fills in the blanks of the otherwise empty kitchen, the way it always does. he pictures a stray finger attempting to steal a taste of the batter, hears the soft words of reassurance that it will taste good, feels the warmth of a fantom hand on his back as he reaches for the mixing bowl on the top shelf. felix presses his lips together and keeps going.

his therapist had told him to interrupt the spiral gently. no scolding. no shame. just… redirect the energy. he measures carefully, triple-checks the oven temperature. his hands know what to do even when his mind doesn’t. there’s comfort in that—proof that he can make something warm and good without performing for anyone.

when the cake goes into the oven, he waits. he doesn’t fill the time with his phone. he lets the quiet sit beside him like an unfamiliar animal. you don’t have to earn rest, he thinks, trying the words on like they might fit someday.

when the cake comes out, it’s slightly uneven on top. not ugly. just imperfect. his first instinct is to criticize, to catalog what he’d do differently next time. he catches himself halfway through.

“it’s fine,” he says softly. and then, after a pause: “it’s… good.”

saying that about something he made—without attaching it to usefulness or praise—feels oddly vulnerable.

for a moment—just a moment—he lets himself believe that he is allowed to take up space, to rest, to be imperfect without fearing that it will cost him something or someone. the thought doesn’t stick perfectly. it wobbles. but it doesn’t disappear either. and that, he decides, might be enough for today.

[sunshineboylix]

the bar glowed like it was pretending to be warmer than it actually was, all amber light and polished brass, and felix let himself believe it for a moment. his shoulders ached with the kind of tired that sleep never fixed, the kind that came from carrying too many thoughts alone. he spotted hyunjin at the far end, the tension in his chest loosening just at the sight of a familiar face.

“hey,” he reminded himself this was why he’d come: to sit somewhere soft and dark and let the noise in his head finally quiet. the stool was cold when he slid onto it, grounding in a way that felt necessary. tonight wasn’t for fixing anything, just for surviving the week and maybe laughing once or twice. for now, that felt like enough. “hope you weren’t waiting long.”

@hyungjin

[hyungjin]

Hyunjin turned toward him with an unhurried ease, settling into the movement as he leaned forward against the bar. Forearms coming to rest there, fingers loosely laced while a quiet hum slipped from him like an afterthought. “Mm. Long enough to start judging the playlist,” he said, nodding toward the speakers. “So yeah. Mildly traumatic.”

He angled his stool a few degrees closer, not obvious, but intentional. “But don’t worry,” he added, glancing sideways at Felix, eyes bright with something playful. “I kept myself entertained. Thought about leaving. Didn’t. Thought about ordering without you. Definitely didn’t.” He lifted his glass in a small, mock-toast. “Glad you came though,” he said, simple, like it wasn’t loaded at all. Then his grin sharpened just a touch. “But being late means you owe me. I haven’t decided what yet, but I’m absolutely collecting.”

[sunshineboylix]

felix huffed out a quiet laugh at that, shaking his head as he reached for the menu even though he didn’t really need it. it was easier to look at laminated drink options than at hyunjin when he said things like that. “collecting?” he echoed, one brow lifting. “you make that sound like a threat.” but his chest felt lighter. it always did around hyunjin. like someone had cracked a window open inside him and let fresh air in. he set the menu down without reading it. “get me one of whatever you’re drinking. you’ve got good taste… with most things.”

felix finally looked at him then. really looked. the familiar line of his mouth, the way his fingers curled around the glass, the angle of his stool that was just a little closer than before. hyunjin had a way of making closeness feel casual, like it had simply happened that way. “thanks for waiting.” his shoulders slumped as the week caught up to him all at once. he hadn’t meant to bring it with him, but it clung like second skin. “i almost canceled,” he admitted, gaze dropping to the polished bar top. “i just… didn’t feel like being anywhere.”

a pause. then, softer, “but i didn’t want to not be here with you.” that was the thing about hyunjin. he wasn’t “anywhere. that was the thing about hyunjin. he wasn’t “anywhere.” he was a place. steady and familiar. the person felix could sit beside without performing, without bracing.

“so,” he said, trying to pull some playfulness back into his voice, “what’s the damage? what do i owe you? please don’t say something humiliating.” he hadn’t realized how badly he needed this—soft light, low music, and his best friend beside him, threatening to collect on a debt felix would pay a hundred times over if it meant feeling this steady again.

[sunshineboylix]

felix broke into a fit of laughter, shoulders curling in as he tried to catch his breath. “baby joeys, really?” he managed between laughs, shaking his head in disbelief. he glanced toward the mirror, then back at her, eyes bright. “but i guess it’s kinda true, huh? you always end up looking out for everyone whether you mean to or not.” the admission slipped out before he could catch it, and for a second he looked bashful, rubbing at his arm with the edge of his sleeve. “it’s nice, though. thank you, noona." he restarted the track, letting the beat fill the silence, and moved back into position. this time when he danced, the stiffness in his shoulders eased. it wasn’t perfect—his timing was a hair off, and he tripped over one of the transitions—but he laughed through it, stealing a glance at her reflection beside his. “okay, no sprained ankles on my watch,” he said, breath hitching as he kept going, tone playful but earnest. "shall we?"

[rosieisroses-archived]

Rhythm of music swelling once more, bass bouncing against the mirrored walls. Delighted grin tugs at pink lips, one that's wide and unguarded this time. There's something how his laughter curls through the mistakes that makes it impossible not to join in—air light and a bit dizzy like a shared secret, under some unbreakable Kangaroo Council pact. ❝ Hmm. Alright, no sprained ankles. Got it! ❞ A playful echo yet earnest, slipping right beside him. Movements less polished—easy, loose and free. ❝ But you know, if you keep that up, I might actually start believing I'm such a good influence. ❞ A twirl that wasn't quite intentional but it worked with the beat somehow. Still clumsy. More herself. Every snap of choreography dissolving into giggles, into the hymn of sneakers squeaking. ❝ And⸻you're doing great, by the way. ❞ Words uttered in between counts and breaths. ❝ I mean it. Like, I get it why everyone adores watching you perform. You make it look like... fun. Like it's okay to mess up. So thank you, my dear baby joey. ❞ A small pause. ❝ For reminding me it's fine to not have it all together all the time. ❞

[sunshineboylix]

every word from his fellow aussie settles in his chest like a stone. he wants to believe her kind words, and part of him does, but a louder part of his mind turns the praise into strictures. sunshine can’t allow for rain. so he smiles, practiced and easygoing, like there isn’t a worry in the world inside that pretty head of his. “that means a lot coming from you, so thanks.”

he considers her words, about not having it together all the time. how ironic that he thinks it true for everyone except himself. “it’s okay to mess up,” he says softly, as if he’s trying to reassure himself as much as her. “i think it shows your charm when you let yourself be imperfect.”

he checks the time on his phone, eyes widening as he sees the hour. “I didn’t realize how long we’d been here. should we get something to eat? there’s a place not far from here with really good dolsot.”