triptych for the heart.

𝗂 𝗐𝖺𝗇𝗍, 𝗂 𝗐𝖺𝗇𝗍, 𝗂 𝗐𝖺𝗇𝗍.

[sunstaiined]

#𝚂𝚄𝙽𝚂𝚃𝙰𝙸𝙸𝙽𝙴𝙳: muse blog for devilselbowhq. penned by jay. featuring ellis ward, juniper monroe, madsen merrin.

[sunstaiined]

CLOSED STARTER FOR @insainted, MAISIE + JUNIPER. the wedding.

She does not know the men getting married. In fact, that was part of her plan -- she would go right up to them, thank them for the cake, congratulate them on getting married, that she hopes their marriage lasts longer than hers did, and explore the hell out of this farm. She couldn't very well do that until they were settled yet, though, and Juniper had asked Maisie outright if they wanted to come with her in the form of a tie made to match her own hand-sewn garments, simple and handsome and very them, and she said as such, leaning in once she'd (poorly) tied it to their collar -- she tried her best, but Maisie would have to fix it.

She'd made her own dress, skirt kissing her ankles in a flowy movement every time she took a step, tighter at the waist, accentuating her willowy frame with long sleeves, ethereal. Curls loose and half-pinned, out of her face save for the few she can never manage to tame. She felt giddy when they arrived at the farm, brown eyes taking everything in with wondrous excitement. "Do you think they'll let me pet the animals?" she asks, out of seemingly nowhere, though this has been on her mind heavily since she found out the ceremony was being held on a farm. She squeezes Maisie's arm where they are interlocked, a bright grin on her features, eyes widening. "Do you think they'll let me feed the animals?"

[murdcrofcrows]

who: @sunstaiined ( june ) where: wedding reception

"that ceremony wasn't as gay as i thought it was going to be, it felt like every other wedding i've been forced to attend." this one he hadn't been forced to go to, it sounded like it was an open invite and his uncle was officiating. he heard there was supposed to be one hell of a party afterwards and there was potential to meet people so why wouldn't he want to attend with his favorite person?

now they sat in line for drinks, chatting of course, but also looking around. bash was taking in the sheer amount of people that would attend a wedding though maybe he was wrong. the only weddings he'd ever attended ( including his own to which he was now divorced ) were in the bunker and extremely boring and everyone showed up. his and june's joint divorce party had been a major rager, though. he wishes they could do it over with some of the new people he'd been meeting out in the wild. "oh! hey there's that person you were talking to, maisie or whatever. i told you they'd be here, they're basically like, my cousin but i haven't really talked to them yet. maybe you can get them to dance with you."

[sunstaiined]

Juniper slapped his arm, chastising. "Sebastian Estrada," she warned, leaning in slightly. "Don't be crass. It was a beautiful ceremony." One she absolutely cried at, had to dab at the corners of her eyes, hoping the makeup she'd applied didn't start running. She had no idea who Beau and Ziggy were, but the vows were emotional and romantic and Juniper was easily moved. She loved love -- she loved the idea of the whole thing, of loving someone so much you must throw a whole event, invite the whole world in to witness it.

She threads her arm through his, resting her cheek on his shoulder while they wait, smoothing her hand down his forearm, distracted. Juniper's head perks up at the mention of Maisie, and she sees them across the crowd, smiles to herself, smitten. Fucking smitten. After a moment, a slow grin forms on her face. "I know they're here, silly, I invited them," a playful roll of her eyes, but she is far from bothered by his forgetfulness. She is reminding him to eat most days at this point. "Your cousin?" Her head tilts, thoughtful, working out that math. That's not weird. She doesn't think so. She shakes her head and shrugs. "I'll dance with Maisie," she says definitively, knows they don't quite like dancing, but she loves the closeness of it. "I wanna dance with you, too, before some sweet thing steals you from me for the night. Anyone caught your eye?"

[sunstaiined]

CLOSED STARTER FOR @eatabug, JUNIPER + FELIX. felix's office

Her legs are swinging off the desk, back and forth, at complete ease, even though she is not, for all intents and purposes, supposed to be in here. Papers were spread across his desk in gentle, deliberate disarray -- not messy, just lived-in. Clipboards and handwritten notes in tight, elegant script that she leaned far too close to decipher. She didn't touch them, but she hovered her fingers nearby, brushing.

She was looking for Bash. He was around here somewhere, that much was obvious, but he'd disappeared, the finicky bastard, and now she was playing a game of hide and seek. Somewhere along the way, she'd gotten distracted; the door was just barely cracked, a lapse in judgment or someone was getting fired for sure, but her curiosity, as always, got the better of her.

She hopped down when she heard footsteps, didn't startle, didn't scramble, just turned, bright grin already in place like she'd been invited. Her hands were behind her back, posture innocent in a way that fooled no one with a brain. "Dr. Estrada!" June chirped, tilting her head at Felix like they were neighbors instead of… whatever this was. "I'm looking for Bash. Well, I was. Successfully, I think. Then I wasn't. So then I found this door, and I thought, wow, this seems super important."

[murdcrofcrows]

who: @sunstaiined ( juniper ) where: governor's mansion, their room

no matter what bash tries to tell anyone or the lines he might use to pick someone up, juniper has and always would be his number one. that's why when they left the vault and he was told to show up at his uncle's, he brought june with him. because despite what it may look like when the two of them were together, she was about the only person who'd ever managed to ground bash. so much so that even his mom's would call for june if bash was acting particularly awful when he was younger. it was just better for everyone involved if june was around and they would learn that the hard way if they didn't want to just go along with it from the jump.

"this is the better bedroom, this kid has games i never heard of in the bunker. come get in on this," he glanced away from the screen to offer her a controller then went right back to shooting hoards of monsters on the screen. "the other room had so many books. like dude how many books can one person read? and why would you want to look at them all the time? weirdo kids this guy has." he didn't know that for certain, he's not met any of them as far as bash knows and he hasn't bothered to ask about his uncle's lover's children. mostly because he didn't care. him and june were reaping the benefits. "i think i'm supposed to do something today but i can't remember what. are we going somewhere?" it was a fifty-fifty chance june would know if there was something important. if not they'd find something else to do.

[sunstaiined]

Juniper doesn't even look at the screen at first. She's standing in the doorway, skirt swishing around her calves, taking in the room like it's one of the seven wonders of the world and not just a room -- sunlight filtering through, truly, one of the biggest windows she's ever seen, shelves that aren’t bolted down, soft carpet beneath her toes. Because yes, she immediately stripped her shoes off the moment she stepped foot inside. She hums, soft and thoughtful, like she's cataloguing the place in her head for later, then pads over and plops down beside him without ceremony.

She accepted the controller and immediately pressed the wrong button. The character on-screen spins uselessly and June laughs, bright and unbothered. She'd almost rather be in the book-room, but the game on the screen was her main attention now that Bash was at her side. "That's because the only books you read need pictures in them," she teases lightly, nudging her knee against his, grounding without thinking. Her fingers fumble around with the buttons of the controller, then manages to figure it out.

At his question, she pauses, and her character almost dies on screen because of it. There it is -- that familiar sense of responsibility settling comfortably on her shoulders, the quiet role she's always played. June tilts her head, her hair slipping over her shoulder. "You're supposed to meet your uncle later for some dinner thing. With like, manners and stuff." She makes a face. "But it's not for a while. We've got time. Hey, how the fuck do you win this thing? It's like, impossible." Her jaw drops and she slaps his shoulder as they play. "Hey, don't do that! You're gonna get me killed!"

[murdcrofcrows]

who: @sunstaiined ( mads ) where: hell's gate

after a very raw and revealing confrontation with the underboss of the shamrocks, poe had been forced to go cool off ( literally ) in an ice bath in the locker rooms while everyone was getting ready to start fighting in the gauntlet. it was a bunch of bullshit that he couldn't join them, and even worse that he had to lie and say it was some injury as if that would be enough to stop him. he pulled long, damp, dark hair back to rest in a single long ponytail down his back. one grounding breath later, he was out of the locker room and on the prowl for a good place to watch the fights from.

dark eyes scanned the crowd already formed until he found a railing to lean against and a face that looked so out of place in this crowd he was surprised it wasn't that bakery saint tomas. or the priest who would talk to him anytime he made the mistake of wandering past the chapel.

"if you're lookin' for a good show, you should come back when i'm in there." he pointed out, giving them a quick look over. a light chuckle fell out of him before he could think of anything else to say. "pretty boy, you look lost. are you even old enough to be in here right now?" it was a joke, of course, poe didn't give a fuck if someone snuck in there underage. just ask maisie o'halloran. but, it was worth pointing out that they looked so uncomfortable he wouldn't be surprised if they actually did have a stick shoved up their ass.

[sunstaiined]

Mads forgets, sometimes, how much Poe gets under his skin until he’s right there in front of him, looming and way too comfortable in a space Mads already feels like he’s trespassing in. The soiree had felt like a mistake the moment he’d arrived and he was genuinely debating on just leaving by the time Poe showed up at his side like a cockroach that didn't know when to die. Mads told himself it was networking. Obligation, structure. Something normal people did.

Pretty boy. The words land uncomfortably, and Mads feels it immediately, that reflexive tightening in his chest, the familiar flare of insecurity he hates himself for carrying. He straightens without meaning to, spine pulling taut as if posture alone could armor him. He’s painfully aware of how he looks -- too clean, too soft around the edges for a place like this, hands clasped around a glass like he doesn’t know what to do with them, like a kid pretending.

“I’m older than you,” they say, a little too quick and defensively. Their voice is steady, at least -- they've learned how to make it steady. “And I’m not lost. Just… waiting.” For what, they don’t know. A reason to leave, most likely.

His gaze flicks briefly to the ring, the violence unfolding with a kind of raw certainty he can’t relate to, then back to Poe. He hates how easily Poe occupies space, how unabashedly of this world he is, while Mads is like an annotation scribbled in the margins. "I'm sure you're a real treat,” he adds, dry, almost biting, trying to claw back some ground. Mads shifts his weight, fingers curling into the fabric of his sleeves, eyes lifting back to Poe with something like reluctant challenge. “Why aren't you in there?”

[sunstaiined]

CLOSED STARTER FOR @murdcrofcrows, CORMAC + MADSEN. chapel.

The wood beneath his boots gave a soft, tired creak when he shifted his weight, like it was sighing at him for loitering again. He'd taken leave just to come up here -- told himself it was practical, that he needed to check on the roof repairs or the busted fence line or whatever other excuse felt less naked than I missed you. The truth sat heavier in his chest, pressing against his ribs like a second heart.

Their knuckles hovered in the air before they knocked softly. Then, after a beat, harder, like they were trying to convince themself that they deserved to be heard. Mads pushed the door open when they didn't hear an answer right away.

Inside, it smelled right and wrong all at once. His eyes found his father almost immediately; they always did. Sweep of habit, like checking for exits. "Hey," Madsen said after a beat of silence, and immediately hated how young it sounded. He stayed close to the door, fingers curling into the fabric of his jacket. The EAA emblem felt heavier today, like he'd pinned it on just for this moment, a stupid little badge that said look, I did something.

Clearing of their throat cuts through the silence. "I was in the area," they added, even though they both knew that wasn't true. Another beat passed, silence settling in that old, brittle way that had lived between them since the smoke and sirens. Their gaze caught on the floor instead of their father's face, and then to the scars on their palms, pressing their thumb into the flesh that had long since mulled over -- a nervous tic, but the pressure felt nice.

"They gave us a couple days off," he went on, quieter. "Chain rotations. I figured I'd… check in, make sure the place wasn't falling apart without me." A thin attempt at humor but it didn't quite land. His shoulders pulled tighter, like he was bracing for something invisible. Approval or disappointment, but the reality is that it would likely be nothing at all, which somehow felt worse. "Anyway," Madsen finished, low and careful, hands sliding into his pockets as he began walking down toward the altar. "I just-- thought I'd stop by. You doing okay?"

[avadaniels]

HEATED RIVALRY 1x02 "Olympians"

[oscar-piastri]

#i need him

[insainted]

There's a squeal of a giggle that's expelled from their throat as they're spun, their body's automatic response moving them onto the ball of one of their feet so as to make the action and movement easier and smoother. One could argue that there's not a single romantic bone in Briar's body—romance isn't usually on her mind when interacting with anyone or anything, and if pressed, she wouldn't even be able to tell you what 'being romantic' would entail or look like. But looking up at Ellis as his hands find her waist again, resettling her balance so easily, perhaps if anyone asked, she might just point towards him.

Her heart does an odd swell, like holding its breath if a heart could breathe.

At the mention of JD, Briar's head pivots this way and that, obliviously threatening their immediate vicinity with the deer's antlers coming out of the skull around her neck like a crest, a vicious crown. They'd seen JD a bit earlier, once looking a bit miserable near a wall, or perhaps a bar—Briar can't remember exactly, it was a fleeting glance, the only reason he even registered in their mind as JD being the way the six pairs of beady eyes catching the light quite beautifully, like little black pearls adorning the bridge of his nose. The second time, much more recently, before Briar had spotted Ellis and decided to mess with him, JD had been wearing a cowboy hat he'd gotten from who knows where and had looked like he was having a great time.

"I think he's alright, I saw him just now, but I can't see him now," Briar reassures him, turning their attention back up at the friend in their immediate vicinity, his words painting a huge grin on their face. "Ellis, we're the same age, I'm not middle-aged."

His admittance to liking her kisses has her raise her eyebrows slightly; it's no secret, certainly not amongst her friends, that Briar is very cavalier about kissing her friends—hell, even more than just kissing—but that doesn't mean her friends don't have a say about whether it happens or not. It has happened in the past that they've been requested not to, and they've always respected that, found different ways to express affection instead, even if kisses are the most natural and immediate way.

Of course, when she's indirectly invited to do more of it, she's certainly not going to pass that opportunity up. With hands on his shoulders, Briar pulls themself up and jumps, quickly wrapping legs around Ellis' waist to stick to him—so focused on him she is that she's unaware, or perhaps simply uncaring, about the way the only fabric keeping her 'decent' being forced high up strong thighs as one foot hooks around her ankle to keep herself in place.

"That's good to know, because I like doing it," Briar tells him, face close to his now, having made their significant difference in height irrelevant by more or less climbing this tower of a man. Wrapping her arms around Ellis' neck, Briar nudges her nose against his once or twice before her mouth finds his again—more intentionally this time, unlike the fleeting, quick kisses in the past, this is one she melts into, this is one she opens her mouth to, tongue darting out to find his.

[sunstaiined]

A smile cracks wide and tilted on his face as she spins effortlessly, dark curls moving with her, that laugh filling a warmth through the chasm of his chest. Oh, it's so easy to lean into -- that fun lightheartedness that seems to follow Ellis whenever he finds himself beside Briar. It made him feel greedy, wanting to hold onto whatever feeling blooms beneath his ribs when he is around her. Freedom, unabashedness, whimsy -- all things Ellis admires, wishes he could take some of the leftovers for himself.

His fingers find themselves pulling them closer as they begin looking around, solely for the potential of hitting someone with the antlers of their costume. Not controlling, just guiding, making sure nothing escalates in that preventative way Ellis seems to do. His palms stayed steady at their waist, thumbs pressing lightly, grounding them both while he shifted his stance to keep them balanced and out of the worst of the foot traffic, subtle pressure to angle them away from a startled couple swaying with drinks. The same quiet, steady guidance he's used his whole life -- move to the edges, soften the angles, protect the things that don't know they're about to get hurt.

And what humor it is, as they look for JD, Ellis is still only locked onto them. His gaze never falters, heavy lidded and fuzzy at the edges, relishing the closeness. The splatter of freckles across the bridge of their nose, the full curve of their lips, the way one stray curl would always fall across their forehead -- had he always memorized these things about Briar? Or was it simply his nature to remember?

"No, but you've aged much better." He is distracted; that much is clear. Her voice is static in his ears. He can only focus on the press of her body against his, enough to drown out any worry about anyone else and focus on the cultivating desire growing in the pit of his stomach. And then she meets his gaze once more, and he's one moment away from doing something stupid like telling them how stunning she is before her hands find his shoulders and she's hoisting herself up.

She climbs him easily, and his instinct kicks in before rational thought ever can. Hands snap to her thighs to steady her, making sure she doesn't slip or fall, doesn't get hurt by momentum or gravity or her own fearless joy. He feels the shift in eyes around them, the flicker of attention, the weight of public space, and suddenly he's painfully aware of where they are and who he is and how thin the line is between fun and wrong.

She's fearless about it, as she always is, as the world narrows to the space between their mouths. He feels it, that reckless, bright want of her, and Ellis isn't made of stone. He leans into it on instinct, a soft sound slipping from his throat when she presses her nose against his, and then she's kissing him properly. It isn't the soft, easy affection he'd been leaning on before, isn't laughter and music and sweat-slick closeness. It tips into something heavier, something that carries a kind of hunger he hadn't intended to match, but finds his mouth parting to welcome the taste of hers anyway.

His lips part from hers just enough to breathe, foreheads brushing, still close enough that it's almost worse than the kiss. His fingers press into the bare flesh of her thighs as if the touch will ground him and not drive him wild, and Ellis has to remind himself just where, exactly, they are. His voice is matter-of-fact and so, so laced with his desire that he isn't sure he could mask it if he tried. "You're makin' it real hard to think straight right now."

[murdcrofcrows]

oh it's cas. and while ursula never fully minded when cas came around, even when their wires got extra crossed that morning or the shit that came out of their mouth actively stole brain cells from her. have you seen them? plus she knew they had a lot of good under that rough exterior. but right now? this is not how she wanted to see them and the embarrassed flush in her cheeks was warm under the heel of her palm when she tried to dab away some of the moisture. reluctant as she was, dark, moisture rimmed eyes met their gaze when they crouched down.

"i'm fine, just people djol kaka, have mouths full of shit and i let it get to me, dumb." she sniffled and watched them shuffle through their pockets. "all that and not a single tissue or napkin or hankerchief in there?" she tutted her tongue a couple times but end with a watery laugh. long glittery nails plucked the caramel from their hand and started to work on unsheathing it from the wrapper. "guess this'll have to do."

ursula released her pouted lips to pop the candy in, figuring at least she could use the sugar boost. "what're you doing out here anyway, baby?" she hoped it wasn't to check in on her, that would be embarrassing beyond belief. ursula prided herself on being the one to check in on everyone else.

[sunstaiined]

Their face pinches at the mention of other people bothering her. Cas may be a bit all over the place, but the one thing they've never been was cruel -- they could never understand the inclination so many have to resort to it, the thing that very well destroyed the world as they knew it and left them all standing in its rubble and ash. But, they could not complain, not for all of their own hurt. Here they are, crouching next to Ursula with a singular task in mind to make her smile -- that's got to count for something, right?

Then again, they still made the mental note to go back in at some point after this and find the bastards that made her cry. Maybe pants them while invisible or something. Cas will workshop it.

They watched her take the caramel like it was a sacred ritual, eyes narrowing in fake seriousness. "Hey, easy. That's premium goods. Took me a solid fifteen minutes of pretendin' I belonged at that table." A beat, then softer, with a slight curve of a smile, "Glad it helps."

At her question, they sit directly in front of her and criss-cross-applesauce their long legs, leaning back onto one hand and glancing up at the dark sky then around the side of the building as if casing it out. "Got bored," Cas admits honestly. "Tried to sneak up to the top floor, but man, they keep that shit on lock." They shake their head, disappointed at their failure. "Hey, were you able to at least get a dance in?" An idea strikes them as the music inside can be faintly heard from the open doors, and suddenly Cas is on their feet again, holding a hand out for Ursula to take. "C'mon, I promise not to step on your toes."

[sunstaiined]

CLOSED STARTER FOR @insainted, JUNIPER + MAISIE. soiree ball, just outside.

Okay.

She hadn't meant to get distracted. In fact, she was meant to meet Bash inside about twenty minutes ago, but she figured he'd probably be able to handle himself without burning the place down for a minute. Actually, Juniper was well aware that this was wishful thinking on her best friend's behalf, but unfortunately, once her interest was piqued, there was little that could be done to alter her path.

The moment she rounded the ornate side entrance of the building and caught a flicker of something skittering and glowing under one of the alley floodlights, every other responsibility dropped clean out of her head. She'd been walking alongside someone, taking in the lights and the decorations and even the chill, Gods, it was so chilly out here in the open, wasn't it? Juniper loved it. She loved every single, solitary moment she was able to breathe the air above.

"Did you see that?" she'd asked to no one in particular, perhaps her companion -- Maisie, yes. Brown eyes locked onto the alleyway the creature had disappeared into. In a moment, she was gone.

The alley felt like a private cathedral, the kind children in old world stories probably imagined when they prayed. June looked down at herself with a quick sweep of hands, suddenly remembering she was in costume -- not vault grays, not mandatory standard issue. Something she made, soft and flowy and hers. The skirt was long, warm earth tones with stitched patches of embroidered vines all the way up, the seams hand-finished at the sewing room during stolen breaks. Her top was fitted, slightly corseted, cinched with ribbon she dyed with wild berries. Her dark curls were piled up on her head, pinned with bits of thrifted brass and tiny beads. It wasn't elaborate like some of the costumes she was sure others wore, but June liked it that way. The sewing room gave her a place to take a scrap and turn it into something. Piece by piece, she'd been remaking herself, too.

If she hesitates, it's only for a moment, to decide if she wanted to ruin her outfit before she'd even set foot in Hell's Gate. In the end, she decides it's worth it. Before she can lower herself to inspect the bug, movement beside her catches her eye, she'd forgotten she left Maisie's side. "Shh, shh! You'll scare it!" She puts a finger to her lips and grabs the other's hand, bringing them to a crouch beside her, gaze full of wonder. The sting of sharp little pebbles and rocks presses into her knees as she tucks her skirt beneath her, hunched over to inspect the glowbug.

"Oh, what are you...." she asks delicately, in awe of something so alive. June tilts her head, not a lick of impatience in her body, a whole party going on inside and she'd much rather sit out here with the bugs and critters. "You know, my mother used to call me Junebug when I was little," she admits, unprompted. She speaks softly, so as not to scare the thing, and looks over to Maisie with a playful little smile. "What'dya think? Any resemblance?"

[folliesofmiceandmen]

"did they tell you that the food was free? must have been an oversight." it's as close to a joke as deirdre ever makes. she forces a smile that looks as forced as it feels before it drops again. completely blank. a slate. she's barely been home long enough to feel settled, but the place is already starting to clutch at her chest and drag her down toward that dark place again. she could certainly see a therapist about it, but stepping foot anywhere near an afterglow facility makes her skin itch, and while she's heard whispers about some twitchy guy taking clients in town, she's also heard that the man is a bit dull and lifeless, and she has no interest in staring at herself for an hour a week.

she offers a hum, lifting the glass she's been drinking from that has, somehow, refilled in the time it's taken to turn back to it, and lifts it to her lips for a small sip. "it's home. i'm happy to see my brothers again, though i think finn and feary are less than pleased with my return. might just be the signature o'brien face haunting them." it's her greatest fear, though best of luck torturing it out of her. no way in hell is the woman letting anyone know she's worried her brothers don't love her. it's weak, and it sounds pathetic. "dara might come around eventually. how has my little slice of hell been treating you?"

[sunstaiined]

Cas' grin deepened at her joke as brightly as ever despite Deidre's forced one. They always did like her dry humor. They plucked another grape and offered a careless shrug, all mischief. "They can always invoice me if they'd like payment." There are some things they should maybe care a little more about -- consequences of their actions, for one. Unfortunately, the feeling never came. What was the point of worrying about something that might or might not happen when you could just do something instead?

Cas hummed, tilting their head. They'd sort of, well, forgotten that her brothers owned this place. In fact, they sort of forgot she had brothers at all. They wonder if they've met them yet, passed by with this thread linking them and not even knowing it. "Fuck 'em!" she says a little too loudly, raising her glass a bit and throws her head back enough to down the rest of it. "You're here now, whether they like it or not, eh?" Cas nudges her a bit. "Little slice of Hell has a nice ring to it. You've always had a way with words, Dee." Cas' playful, sarcastic little grin never falters as she picks through the platter of food in front of them slightly distractedly. "Right. It's good! Very, hmm.... lavish. Your family always been this rich?"

[ashryder]

The morning was quick to be painted alive, before they knew it as they walked down the fairgrounds, more and more stalls began to be opened for business. Honestly some of these vendors truly have military grade efficiency. Ashton sighed almost in an exaggerated air of nostalgia, "what was it again that you used go call me?" Desperately ignoring the years now too inappropriate to recall, an ache pulsed as he tried to bury pet names of affection into the grave. Still the one he was searching for in his mind surfaced through the others, a grin mirrored back instead, "spaceboy wasn't it?" Ashton had a laundry list of strange nicknames given to him over the years, honestly the latest ones mostly came from Finn where the creativity never seem to end, more amusing and endearing than anything. Reminded him of those kinds when he was younger, with Ellis, where bantering nicknames of endearment, some he still remembers till this day. "We still both lose in the end because we're still both nerds."

Ash thought for a moment as if humoring the imagination of the smuggler life for Ellis before shaking his head, "exciting yes, but I don't know, I think you'd always be happier with the books, and pastries on the side instead. And you'd be safer." He doesn't elaborate on that out loud, topics especially surrounding the past, surrounding James wasn't meant for the open air and public ears. Only behind closed doors between the two of them. Because James was dead, he had to constantly remind himself even if it hurts to every time, even if his eyes find it hard to believe.

As he nodded and followed Ellis' lead to the faint scent already manifesting as described but at the pause between them, a soft laugh exhaled, "..what?" Ash eyes him back at the supposed nag, or judgement of just bread, "you know me." He huffed, as if much of him hasn't changed at all, Ashton unlike the rest of their peers had never once complained about the food they get, more than conditioned to eat the same thing day in and day out and only be grateful for it. "And you can't do that, you don't even know where my apartment is," back then it was easy when they shared a bunk, sometimes when they shared a room, inescapable when they shared a bed. The distance now was so tangible it hurts. There was no logic to Ashton's argument other than for the sake of banter, knowing full well how easy it would be to get it, from J.D, heck even from Dawn on the home command.

Ashton didn't skip a beat to make a point stubborn as it was taking a big sip from him cup, as if greedily claiming it as mine, not beating the bossy allegations as accused. He was a nagger more than anything, especially with people he cared about. But he paused for a microsecond, somehow enveloping in the incomprehensible relief in knowing his coffee order hadn't changed. More little clues, little comforts that the ghost of a person was still alive, "..good." He downed almost half the cup. Dawn had been going back and forth switching sides between the two men, just happy to be here and to be with an old familiar presence again, happily looking up to Ellis from a nice head pat, choosing to stay by his side, she gets head pats from Ashton all the time anyways! The soft visual painted was enough for Ashton to soften at the sight and ignore any aches in his chest.

"I'm your everything disposal, no? I usually eat everything that you don't like but feel bad about wasting it." It wasn't just James because Ashton would feel bad by proxy too. The scent of fresh pastries grew stronger as they neared the center, locking their sights onto the specific stall, greeting the familiar baker good morning, placing Ellis' coffee order before they picked their breakfast to go, "alright fine, if not bread then what do you usually get nowadays?" As stupid as it was Ashton wanted to learn about the little things, wanted to rewire the things that have changed and hold on to the things that have not.

[sunstaiined]

Ellis chuckles at the old nickname. There's a very large elephant that the two of them are choosing to ignore in hopes of paving the path of this seeming new normal, despite years and years of history between them. Ellis' only point of reference for it was the dulling of the ache as the years went by, thinking Ashton had moved on, had found peace himself in the EAA. He tried not to think about how terribly different things might be if they'd found each other sooner. How much potential was wasted, how they could have surpassed this entire phase of some newfound relationship that wasn't a relationship, but it wasn't entirely platonic, either, was it? No, he resolutely did not think of it. "Spaceboy and bookboy. We weren't really creative, were we?"

It was easier to laugh than it was to sit with the weight of safer. Safer. He supposed he had cultivated his life around it now, whether safe for himself or for others. He just stared ahead at the crowd, jaw shifting faintly. "Yeah, I know you," he agrees, and for a moment, he thinks of the evidence he has of how similar Ashton seems to the person he knew before, compared to Ellis slash James that Ashton has to learn. He didn't have the luxury of staying the same, even if there might be glimpses of his past self, a combining of lives, a choice he'd made. "Once you're comfortable, that's it," his hand cut through the air as if a knife. "Nothin' wrong with it. Unfortunately, there's a whole world of possibility out there when it comes to food, and you've just sealed your fate." He glanced over at him, something earnest flashing beneath the sarcasm. He raises a brow. "You think I don't have my customers' addresses? We do deliveries, y'know."

"There's gotta be a better term for that," he teased, mulling it over in mock thought. "Human garbage disposal?" Ellis grinned brightly at him, laughing at his own silly joke. They approached the stall and Ellis felt nostalgia sink into him like a stone in water. The greeting from the baker, Ashton ordering for him out of habit, all of it wrong in the way it felt so familiar. Ellis rolled the thought of what do you get now around in his head. He looked over the pastries and sighed a bit in thought before speaking rather decisively. "Honey knots. Obviously." He felt nineteen years old again when he glanced over at Ashton as they ordered. "Don't get the same thing as me. Seriously, pick something that looks even vaguely good to you. C'mon, spaceboy, broaden your horizons."

[backmaskcd]

They simply blinked at Ellis as it seemed like he needed a minute before his brain caught up, letting out a soft laugh. "Well; maybe. As long as you don't bite me or slit my throat, I think we can still manage to get along." Ellis seemed to always want to make himself available. It was nice, if a little suspicious. But Bart was suspicious of just about everyone, so it wasn't personal. He shook his head a little. "It's okay."

"I'm twenty two, yeah," they shrugged. "Not really, I guess. I've snuck some of whatever people would make in the vault. It was really gross though. I kind of just.... thought maybe it would be fun to see what people do. Like, regular people. So.... I don't know. Maybe just a beer?"

[sunstaiined]

Something about realizing how young they were shook Ellis for a moment. When Ellis was twenty-two, he was fighting for a military he didn't believe in. Bart's twenty-two and discovering the outside world for the first time. But they didn't look scared or overwhelmed; if anything, they were strangely steady, better put together than he'd been at that age by a long shot. Ellis reminded himself not to hover. He had a bad habit of hovering, especially when drunk.

"Beer's a good place to start," Ellis agrees, straightening and motioning the bartender over. "How 'bout a pilsner. That's pretty standard." He speaks out loud, ordering them both the same drink. Ellis preferred something strong, something you only needed a few of to feel the effects, but he's voluntarily taken on the task of making sure Bart was okay with that instinct he always tried to choke back, that stupid, quiet urge to keep someone else safe. When the drinks came, he lifted his glass and taps it gently against theirs in a toast. He takes a sip, and looks at them. "How's it taste?"

[sunstaiined]

CLOSED STARTER FOR @insainted, ANIKA + DANTE. soiree ball.

Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves except her. Well, that's how it felt, anyway -- without the crux of alcohol and the sweet release of nicotine, how in the hell was she expected to have fun here? This is, admittedly, poor planning on her part. She's half tempted to drink anyway, just to see if it really would mess with the cocktail of drugs Afterglow had her on, or if that was complete bullshit, too. At least there was free food, and she'd managed to find herself on the dance floor (alone, thank you) a bit earlier in the night. It felt nice, she could admit, to be loose-limbed and sweaty and free for a moment. One, blissful moment. Now, she's two seconds from climbing the balcony just to see if the alarm system is any fun to outrun.

But then she sees him. Dante Winters. Dante Winters, in costume.

"Ho-o-oly shit," Anika's voice is threaded with all kinds of amusement, loaded up on ammunition as she regards the finer details of his costume. "I'm gone for a year and a half and suddenly Dante Winters is the kind of man who dresses up for Halloween. Damn, what else have I missed?" Ani reaches up and flicks a piece of confetti off of his shoulder. "You look great, by the way. Seriously, you should incorporate this into your everyday attire."

[murdcrofcrows]

"i mean, you kinda had to know a little bit, right dude? as much as i like t' keep people guessin' this fact about me?" he held up the pinch of green he was currently packing into the bowl. "is probably the most obvious one beyond physical shtuff, even then—" lucky shrugged his lips into a dopey smile and his shoulders simultaneously. he knew ellis was smart and observant, much more so than lucky could even pretend to be, so he figured he was just pointing out what he already knew to be true.

twisting the grinder, lucky paused only to look up at ellis' comment and stare with big, dark rimmed eyes that were touched at first that he actually thought lucky might still have a singular brain cell left in his head and then, he laughed. "nah, man, i mean i appreciate it don't get me wrong. you're bein' like, real fuckin' sweet and all but i'm dumber than cicada shell." it only made it better when he mentioned the plants. now lucky might contribute to the cross-breeding of strains and help keep the plants alive, but he was not the star of that operation. "nah, that's all toph. he was the big mastermind behind it all i just do what he tells me and throw a million ideas at him till one sticks." that's why the two of them worked so well.

there was something special about watching someone light up for the first time, well, at least this was the first time he'd ever seen ellis smoke up. it was like watching someone learn something cool for the first time or when baby animals learn to walk. that is, if ellis ends up liking it. if he doesn't it would make it a tragedy but there were usually very little complaints when it came to the lucky-toph toking fuel. "how's it taste?" he asked once the hit was taken and listened to the other man's woes of quitting smoking.

"i heard it's hard as fuck to stop the nicotine, i never picked that up. my asthma is already bad, i shouldn't smoke but i prefer this over edibles most of the time and the thc is a bronchodilator so where the smoke can be rough, it helps overall." lucky nodded and pressed his lips together, then shrugged taking a hit himself and passing it back over. "so you've never smoked weed before? like, ever?"

[sunstaiined]

Ellis laughed under his breath as some of the tension in his shoulders loosened. Everything feels a little less sharp around the edges around Lucky -- the environment he and Topher had managed to cultivate somehow worked frighteningly well. Ellis felt as though he weren't even on this plane.Ellis tipped his head back against the chair, looking over at Lucky with a lopsided smile. "Yeah, the vibe is… present, sure, I just don't make a habit of assuming things about people." Ellis shrugged -- he was learning more than enough here and now, anyway.

Something in him always recoils at hearing people talk badly about themselves, even in jest, even as comfortable in themselves as Lucky speaks as though it is simple fact. Maybe because he'd spent too many years convincing himself he deserved the same. "Give yourself some credit, at least," he insists with the stubborn edge of someone who refuses to let a friend drag themselves through the dirt. "'Sides, cicadas are kinda clever. They sure as hell survive even when you don't want 'em to."

The warmth hit him like a wave, clinging to his lungs and settling into a pleasant buzz beneath his skin. He exhaled with an airy laugh. "It's good," he admits. "Kinda warm. Like whiskey. I'm used to the burn, I think." He blinks several times, trying to clear a fog that felt more like a blanket. "This is nice." He accepted the bowl back from Lucky with a muttered thanks, letting the smoke fill his lungs slower this time. It unfurled in his chest warm and heavy, and for once, his brain wasn't sprinting three miles ahead of him. He let the feeling sit there, grounding him, softening the edges of his mind. His gaze drifted somewhere toward the ceiling as that tingling feeling seeped into his limbs. "It is," he agrees with a wry scoff. "The herbal ones just make me feel like I'm smokin' compost." His head rolls over to look at Lucky, brows furrowing. "Didn't know that. Shoulda got into this earlier." he laughs a bit dazedly. Ellis thinks for a moment, stretching his long legs out in front of him. "Maybe? I used to go to Hell's Gate a lot, same time I picked up smokin'. Probably got some sort of secondhand somethin' there." He chuckled. "Don't go there much anymore. Too much goin' on."