Fill Ur Lungs 🚬

i͓̽ o͓̽n͓̽l͓̽y͓̽ d͓̽o͓̽ w͓̽h͓̽a͓̽t͓̽ i͓̽ m͓̽u͓̽s͓̽t͓̽ t͓̽o͓̽ s͓̽u͓̽r͓̽v͓̽i͓̽v͓̽e͓̽

[supahguud]

Modern Life for the Black Deep South

My nana told me the stories

They used to stomp, clap, shout, and cry out

They’d still get maimed

She said, “We fought for one, we fought for all. This too shall pass and it will never be the same.”

She said I’d never walk in fear

They fought for my future

But then I opened my eyes i saw the world through tears

They ripped away the veil

And they declared

None of you people will be spared

We left you and your children what a torrid mistake

You don’t walk in our chains

Or die in our fields

Still you thrive even when we feasted on your flesh

Forced you to live in a world where we thought of you as less

And we faked the progress

We don’t detest

We will strip you down you savage pest

Until your backs are scared and bleed once more

We will not stop, we will go door to door

Strip you of your rights

If you should live in peace

You will not behold a future until you burn these white sheets

[supahguud]

White Room, Red Ears

In a white room but my ears are red

Black skin but my ears are GLOWING red

Same pink tongue, same words are said

I respond to them, but to me nothing is said

Make no mistake my ears are red

Even though I smartly said what I said

A different twang, a different pattern of speech

But no response

So my ears are red

They don’t know because my locs flow down

I answer questions with answers they do and don’t know

Even when they don’t know they sneer and ignore the truth

They don’t trust me and they are so uncouth

They say FUCK, IDIOT, SHIT, DICK

They scream, eyes all out their head

Veins, popping and pussing out their foreheads

Over being right, faces white and red

I speak sweet, shallow

Careful with what I share

But my ears are still red

They don’t even know, I’m glad they can’t tell

But the reason they don’t is because they don’t care

What to prove, What to prove

I worked hard for my spot

But my ears are red, man my face is hot

I don’t stay silent, I fight through the dread

Keep kicking rocks, control, conquer

Push through, advance

A silent, silent battle to keep my foot in the door, determined to never continue my mother’s path to poor

Blessed is my gift, so no tears shall shed

Thank god this brown skin washes over these ears when they’re red.

[supahguud]

Androgyny and Gender Envy

I don’t necessarily want to be a guy or look like a guy but I don’t want to look like a girl either.

I want to be able to embrace feminist a masculinity equally but I feel like in order to do that I have to embrace masculinity which inherently and social has to start with the base of a man.

I don’t like men and I don’t want to look like a man.

But I basically need to analyze and capture some of their traits to embrace my masculine side.

I think that’s where the envy comes from.

They are born with some of the traits I’d like to have but I don’t want to be them.

The way their clothes fit or how they can be messy and play with how they look.

Or their confidence or how society deems they can please themselves or others without even having to try.

The envy is the ease and the glamorization of the ease of being manly or masculine.

I don’t envy women because I am one.

I’ve been blessed with feautures that allow me to use my femininity whenever I need and however I need.

It’s alluring and beautiful and seductive.

It is powerful. More powerful than I feel masculinity is. It’s secretive and whimsical.

But if this makes sense. I’d rather have my personality and my eyes and my tongue represent my feminine and my hair and physic represent my masculine.

The happiest medium is when I do both at the same time.

[supahguud]

21... And So On

I feel like I'm in a really weird place in my life. The conversations I have with people, with my love, with my family... they all feel like they shouldn't be happening. Or that they are happening in a dream. They make me think. Too hard sometimes. I used to be so sure of myself and right from wrong. But after we left, and I didn't have to be in actual physical survival mode, I truly had to start thinking of the next steps for myself. School, Car, Graduate, Job, Apartment, Peace, and all that. And it's all happening. But I guess it feels surreal because I got here by myself. No mommy's support, no dad, no one ot realate to other than my bestfriend and my love. Everyone says I'm doing so well. So then why does it feel so weird to...be okay. Why does it feel so werid to go no contact and to find peace? I mean, this is only the beginning. It may not be as hard as it was growing up. But I feel so weird being on my own and figuring things out. It'll get better. I can't doubt that it will. I guess it's just sad knowing that all the help. guidance, and things that family and parents are supposed to help you navigate didn't happen. It's bittersweet to have to leave all the thoughts behind. But it's time to grow up after feeling so grown for so long.

[supahguud]

On the third year, I stood before you and kissed your cheek

I had spoken of bliss and joy, pure love

I speak of the same but on another plain

I have never felt a love so safe, fierce, and unconditional as I have come to feel and know from you

The Woman I Love

You are the master and the keeper of my heart

And you have earned that and more

You have spoken to me with such heightened adoration and attraction that sometimes I am left overwhelmed

You have learned me and seem as though you'd commit to learn for all the time to come

Ecstasy is the only way I can describe it

The utmost joy to know that someone as beautiful and tender as you has chosen me to be your love

You challenged despair, and you dared to love me

And you chose not to love for a season, but for all the years to come

You have helped me embrace myself with no shame, self-hate, or malice

You have given me the real you

which is my most prized and passionate treasure

If only a letter were enough to express my gratitude

If only a letter were enough to declare my love

I'll do it all the time, forever if you let me

I can only hope that when I say "I Love You," you feel all that comes with it

We are watching each other blossom

And we are loving every moment

Every Kiss, Every Smile, Every Touch, Every Breath

A new piece of us becomes present

For a lovelier world is built every day I am with you

[supahguud]

On the third year, I stood before you and kissed your cheek

I had spoken of bliss and joy, pure love

I speak of the same but on another plain

I have never felt a love so safe, fierce, and unconditional as I have come to feel and know from you

The Woman I Love

You are the master and the keeper of my heart

And you have earned that and more

You have spoken to me with such heightened adoration and attraction that sometimes I am left overwhelmed

You have learned me and seem as though you'd commit to learn for all the time to come

Ecstasy is the only way I can describe it

The utmost joy to know that someone as beautiful and tender as you has chosen me to be your love

You challenged despair, and you dared to love me

And you chose not to love for a season, but for all the years to come

You have helped me embrace myself with no shame, self-hate, or malice

You have given me the real you

which is my most prized and passionate treasure

If only a letter were enough to express my gratitude

If only a letter were enough to declare my love

I'll do it all the time, forever if you let me

I can only hope that when I say "I Love You," you feel all that comes with it

We are watching each other blossom

And we are loving every moment

Every Kiss, Every Smile, Every Touch, Every Breath

A new piece of us becomes present

For a lovelier world is built every day I am with you

[supahguud]

Damned If She Do, Damned If She Don't

Damned if she do

She told me she's proud

She's saved face and showed out in front of the crowd

She loves me, how lovely

At least that's what they all think

A protector who guides her young to the predator's keep?

A provider that hides food in her den?

A shelter, with a child in the wild?

Where were your soothing words?

A forward, honest woman with a backwards appeal

Damned if she don't

I think it's better that way

Locked doors

contorted face

Wide eyes

no words

no food

no home

no pride, no love

I can't tell if she's there, in the background

so black, so dim

From you I came, but what should I call you again?

Damned if she do

Half ass response

hey, okay, alright, goodbye

Then nothing for a while

Please, Please, Please

I can be lovely, I care, I swear

On my knees, but she doesn't see me there

I am a stranger, a nuisance

But a pretty trophy for the moment

From Birth to Earth

Praised for a while

Then left on my own

Damned if she do

Damned if she don't

[supahguud]

Past Fathoming

Oh to burn what evil lies inside of me

Self loathe

Anger

Fear

Selfishness

Greed

And spite

I’m no better than anyone I have ever hated or ever loved

My passion is out of spite

My brain is wired to stay in defense

To worry

To never admit I’m a product of my past

It hurts so bad some days

This prison in my head

Protect the things that matter

Even if you have to let him see you shed one tear

I protect all and nothing

Everything but myself

Sometimes I think I deserve(d) it

Revenge for sins of my own and those before me

But did I deserve to be left with half a heart?

A child like demeanor tucked away in cubbies that have long been crushed

An adult like perception blocked by the ones I learned from

It’s probably why sometimes I don’t wanna be perceived

I would hate for the bad and good to be seen

As I fear the latter may hold the most weight

[supahguud]

Laja’s first glimmer

Tears of joy

Leak

I’m overwhelmed with this sense

To speak of such love and adoration

I spoil myself when I think of these

I look at her and I swell

With joy

Peace

Pleasure

Purity

And glee

Gay with delight

[supahguud]

Cloth to a Raindrop

It’s storming outside

The raindrops don’t hit her when she walks

She so powerful but I doubt the rains knows

Ive never seen it curve the way it does

Perfect parts

Traces her figure

A deep and silent patter hits the pavement

Matches her step when she walks

I walk behind

Beside myself

Outside myself

It never touched her not even once

Little do we know she drowns in it

To her it engulfs

She never learned to tread and felt the world would let her sink

But a drop never hit her

Never got caught in a single lash

Never even grazed the tip of her nose

But she blends in with it

To her knowledge

So much rain she could break into drops

So much rain shes a puddle to the ground

But beside myself I wonder

How she even sets foot in the rain

Why even let a dark cloud tower you

Beside myself and behind myself

I watch as the drops never touch me

Blessed am I to hear the rain and

Feel the rain

Damned am I to be in its wake

In its path

For rain so gloomy and the sky so dim

Prays to touch me when i expose my skin

It’s hopes to turn me into of them

[supahguud]

Ballad of a Madman in Luv

As I sat I thought and tears filled my eyes

So wise as I thought I was

The ignorance still leaks through

I don’t know much about the soul

They had me locked away

All I learned was how to heal from sweet solitude

I get shifty

Anxious

Heavy in the heart

I stray like my brother

And blame all like my mother

I hate the way it feels

When I claw at the world

I try to run from the past

I get trapped in the void

Some times I feel sucked up

(He told me suck it up)

Then I get fucked up

To keep the bad thoughts tucked in

Then I labor my breath to keep my stomach sucked in

Sometimes I feel like a brick wall

No ears and no mouth

And when it really matters I push away and kick out

Even in love I can’t seem to not spiral out

My only hope is that my head heals the blackness

I try to find my way back

We hold hands while u stomp gravel

Pull me together

Wrap me in tight

The only time I sleep without infinite thoughts

Is when I’m with u at night

My peace and my pleasure

[supahguud]

Monsoon That Never Ends

Fuck the solution to the problem

I wanna feel crazy till I can’t feel anymore

End these games heed my call

Learn my lesson then blind my eyes

Become the one that I despise

Grow from hate then cleanse my wounds

I am the animal the world tried so hard to rid

And when that twister comes to dust the lands

I’ll be the one that understood

We climbed out caves to seek revenge

And when that big blast split the core

Fuck all wealth and rich and poor

All my life I been a shield from delight

You placed the sticks and stones that formed my plight

And when that nectar drops from sweet yellow flower

I’ll nestle long beneath the trees

Sink my teeth into its roots

Quench the hate my hunger brings

[supahguud]

Purple Signals

She left bite marks on my thighs

Pops of passion

She lent me a kiss while she bat her lashes

I love the way she giggles

And how she curves her lips

She walks in slow motion

And sways her hips

She got the tone of an angel

A new found Octave

My ears light up when she tells me two secrets

One that she loves and two that she cares

Then she pulls at my waist and Runs her fingers through my hair

I can’t help but keep my eyes on her

I see her body and her soul

I look past that and I only see her aura her colors

She helped me to speak

And grow and learn new emotions

New ways

Times wit her I’m in a daze

A purple haze

More than two days pass and I start to long for her kisses

Her sentences

Her soft hands and soft touch

Those eyes

Tunnels to my soul and she can tell what I’m thinking

In my mind how are u my love

Am I on ur mind the same way ur on mine

Can we talk can I preach to u my love

Then shower u in roses

I feel u in my heart

A lifetime beneath the surface

I gotta think how many times have u heard this

I wish I could articulate the waves that I feel

And the colors I see

And the intensity

The peace that u bring

The sweet sonder and cadence that in me u revived

How lucky we are to touch each others lives

[supahguud]

How I learned to hate

I took so much smoke in that I can’t even breathe

Eye twitch and ears howl

And my gums start to bleed

The aggression that I hid in the smoke of a joint

Only works for so long until I start to get to the point

The misery reflected time and time again in my face

Starts to grow on my skin

And whips at my chin

They flaunt it

It is within their vile nature

They spew it out

They know it’ll never be gone

That’s why when I come around they wanna pass it on

I try to shield my room with sage

Show the bad energies out

But they stuff it back in

And as they push others away

I get sucked into their bog

I destroy all around me

And no one understands that it leaves cracks within

Then the pressure builds up

And I spew out the hate

My eyes try to swell with tears and my anger burns it up

And the thickest blood sits across from me not giving a fuck

I learned how to hate from those who hate themselves

They steal good hearts as trophies for shelves