my heart’s in the sky, supernova

Bec//21//INFP-T

[supernova-sprinkles]

illusion

sometimes when i look at you, i’m not sure if it’s the butterflies in my stomach that still haven’t quite settled or the anxiety i felt when you walked away

sometimes i wonder, while you’re shouting to others what you had to whisper to me, if it’s because you saw me as fragile like art or because you saw me as just weak.

sometimes i look back on ‘i love you’ and don’t see anything else, other times i see ghosts of pity and reluctance written behind every syllable

yet i’d die to feel those butterflies again, i’d die to have another whispered conversation, i’d die for one more ‘i love you’

because even though nothing was as it seemed, it’s better than nothing at all.

[supernova-sprinkles]

galaxies

this is for the girl with galaxies in her eyes:

never let anyone steal your stardust, babe, because i promise you there will be days when the universe threatens to suck up every last atom you have. fight it.

you, my dear, are a tiger without stripes. you may see that as a deformity, but i see it as an advantage. it allows you to hide in plain sight. show them how wrong they were about how dangerous you can be.

and no matter how many times the world keeps knocking you down, love, get back up again. you’re a hurricane in a ribcage when you’re feisty and i love that about you.

to the universe, we were two heartbeats that were one for a split second. to the world, we were two in seven billion. to me, we were everything.

[supernova-sprinkles]

Permanent

there’s only so much tension a rubber

band can hold before it

snaps

and i hope to god

i leave a scar when i do

.

ive had enough of

my back to the bricks

this bullshit

break my bones

bruises blooming

but ill come back

.

and when i do

it will be a day to reckon

i will wreck you

make you rue the day

you decided i was yours

yours to push around

and belittle

and abuse

.

i will rain down on you

like the second

coming of messiah

only there will be no mercy

no retribution, no reparation

the damage you’ve done is

permanent, but so am i.

.

so am i.

[supernova-sprinkles]

NaPoWriMo 2019 #16- family

i have stardust in my veins

cosmic sparkles from the

once-infant universe

.

i inherited my hair from a comet,

the same bright white waves

that swung past the sun

like the solar system was its playground

.

my mama was a supernova

and my father a black hole.

they connected, and in

that mass chaos is where

i was formed, in the wake

of intergalactic warfare

.

i feel a void where he once was

and if i stare hard enough

at the empty space that remains

i can still feel a slight pull

mocking me, saying come

catch me if you can

.

but i can’t

because i know that if i pursue him

im bound to get sucked in

past the point of no return

but sometimes, for the danger,

i pretend.

[supernova-sprinkles]

NaPoWriMo 2019 #7- rage

rage

blinding

white

screams

through

skin

.

terrifying

and

beautiful

all

at

once

.

once

i thought

i could

contain

it, like

a tiger

.

but it’s

ripped its

way out

of the bars

and my

lungs

.

and

roars,

screams,

till my

throat

is raw

.

and i

fall

back

down

to

oblivion

[supernova-sprinkles]

NaPoWriMo 2019 #1- ‘Death’

i need you to let go of me

i am a shriveled leaf

of no use to you

for i am already gone

.

the winter will be hard

and lonely

and it will seem as if death

would have been better

.

but when spring comes

you will have replaced me

just as easily

as the wind took off with me

.

it would be beautiful, i think

to decay beneath your shade

and sink into the soil

like i was never there

.

because i will always

be part of the lifeblood

in your veins that way

like i never left at all