who ya gonna call?

Joey understood what Micah was trying to tell her. As much as it terrified her, that wasn’t where her confusion came from. She just couldn’t wrap her head around how she hadn’t seen this coming. She thought she knew Micah like the back of her hand, all his favourite foods and what songs helped him relax enough to sleep at night and the fact that he hated that one Spongebob episode where he kept missing the bus because he kept getting stupidly distracted.

Joey was like a Wikipedia for Micah Abiola, so how had she not known this? She’d done nothing to earn him thinking about her so highly, and yet instead of feeling like she was being rewarded, all she felt was a deep pit of dread in her stomach.

Everything is going to change now, she realised. The thought filled her with horror.

She nodded quickly when he reassured her that she would always be his best friend, hope flaring in her chest - and then the most awful word in the world came. The but that made Joey realise there was no coming back from this now.

“Micah,” she said softly, more tears spilling down her cheeks. She’d never been an overt crier, not even in front of Micah, but there was no keeping them at bay right now.

She knew he was handing her an olive branch when he told her that she could ignore what he was telling her. Her heart hurt so, so much. She sniffed pitifully.

“But… everything has changed,” she pointed out, softly. Now she knew she would second guess every hug she gave Micah, wondering if she was accidentally torturing him or worse, leading him on. She remembered all the times they had laughed at tweets their friends had sent them, of fans over analysing their body language and declaring them secretly in love. Had Micah’s laughter been false all this time and had he thought that Joey was laughing at him?

Inhaling a deep breath, Joey lifted her head, watery brown eyes landing on Micah’s face and the pain in her chest increased tenfold. She loved him so much, more than anyone, but why could it not be in the way he wanted? She couldn’t imagine herself preening under his attention and batting her eyelashes at him like the leading woman in every rom-com she’d ever watched. When she thought about spending the rest of her life with Micah, she’d never pictured candlelit dinners and declarations in the rain, just her and the most important person in the world to her, living together side by side with their matching coffee mugs and their shared beanie and their ghosts.

“Are you mad at me?” she whispered.

Micah didn’t know what to say. Maybe Joey was right and that everything would change. He’d probably been naive to assume that it didn’t have to, that they could still be best friends. But he couldn’t force her to like him back, not in the same way he liked her, and he also couldn’t expect her to want to keep up the charade of them being close friends when she knew the truth. Would the sight of him now make her stomach turn? Would hearing him laugh at her jokes or lean in for a hug make her cringe and pull away? The fact that he had any doubt in his mind terrified him. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d doubted anything about his friendship with Joey.

“Right, yeah. Of course,” Micah nodded, his heart sinking in his chest. Everything had changed, and he couldn’t do a thing about it. He’d made his bed.

Micah hadn’t ever been a fidgeter. He wasn’t exactly prone to panic attacks or major fits of insecurity, even in spite of the mess of his family and the grief that he carried around with him every day. He tried his best to be pragmatic and always approach a situation logically, never letting his doubts and anxiety get the better of him, but right now he felt himself unravelling. His fingers trembled as he shoved them haphazardly into the pockets of his jeans, too tight as the denim chafed against his knuckles.

He wanted nothing more than to cross the room and pull Joey into a hug, to rub warmth into her arms and soothe the ache in her chest, to wipe away her tears and reassure her everything would be fine. That was how things worked for them. He was always on hand to be her shoulder to lean on, but he was the one responsible for her tears. Micah was the very thing causing her distress now, and all because he’d dared to love her in a way that she couldn’t return.

“I’m not mad at you, JC,” Micah sighed, his heart thudding against his ribcage. “C’mon, I could never hate you. I just... I wish things didn’t have to change, that you didn’t have to...”

He paused, cutting himself off. That she didn’t have to what? View him differently? Distance herself? That was what was happening here, wasn’t it? Joey knew things would be different now because she knew she wouldn’t be able to be around him. They would be living together yet living separate lives, worlds apart.

“I wish I hadn’t ruined things,” he murmured, guilt etched across his features.

linkedinabernathy

↳INSTAGRAM: @lincolnabernathy posted a photo to their story:

@micahabiola: the people are demanding pumpkin season.

#insta: link #ft. link

↳INSTAGRAM: @paranormaljoey uploaded to their story.

@micahabiola replied to this story: Glad Val's got your covered, JC. Take care of your head. ❤️ I'll get a batch of sugar cookies in for when you're home.

#insta: joey #ft. joey

@paranormaljoey: i am never drinking again.

@micahabiola: @paranormaljoey Make sure you drink a lot of water, yeah? And remind Val to bring you some ibuprofen, yeah? Tylenol makes you itch.

#tweets: joey #ft. joey

VOICEMAIL: JOEY Micah: Hey, Jo. Just checking in... [pauses, sighs] I know you're probably asleep by now. Or a little, uh, worse for wear, but I thought maybe you could... I don't know. Maybe call or text me when you're back to your hotel okay? Just so I know you're safe. Or whatever. I dunno. It kinda sucks that Val left you alone like that, but I guess she's just having fun, right? [laughs breathily, voice tight] The Biltmore sounds pretty great, buddy. I'm glad you're having fun out there and... [voice softens] We'll do whatever you wanna do, okay? Go wherever you wanna go, Fatty or no Fatty. [he clears his throat] I don't think it's a good idea to talk about the rest of that stuff, Jo. I know you probably don't even mean any of it... [forces a laugh] You're just drunk, right? It's just the alcohol speaking, yeah. Yeah, that's it. Zoey and I are happy. I want you to be happy, too. So much. You're still my best friend, JC. I'll see you when you get back, okay? I promise. We'll hang out. Tell this Mickey guy to take good care of you until then.

#calling: joey #ft. joey

↳INSTAGRAM: @paranormaljoey uploaded to their story.

@micahabiola replied to this story: Wow. You look incredible.

@micahabiola deleted this message.

@micahabiola replied to this story: Hope you’re having a blast ❤️

#ft. joey #insta: joey

Who was Joey Claremont meant to be if not Micah’s best friend?

Before anything else, that had been her prime identity. Before the show and the move to New York and brushing shoulders with real-life rock stars like Poppy and Diego, Joey had always known that her place was at Micah’s side. And she’d stupidly assumed the same rang true for him. Now, she had to wonder if he’d thought of it like a chore. A necessary evil. Catering to each and every one of Joey’s whims because her bossy nature wouldn’t let him say no to her. She thought she had outgrown her annoying tendency to talk over the top of others, desperate for her voice to be heard. Had she been steam-rolling over Micah this whole time, making him resent her?

Even as Micah reassured her he wasn’t mad at her, she wasn’t sure she believed him. He was levelling her with a degree of frustration that was so unfamiliar for Micah to wear. He never got irritable with her, not when she overruled the producers and decided she wanted to do things her way, not when she crawled up the honeysuckle trellis of the Abiola household to wake him up for long enough to crawl into the warmth of his bed when they were kids, not even when he had to go around their tiny apartment, picking up half-open Sprite cans because Joey never succeeded in finishing a full one before popping the tab on another. Maybe she’d been stupid (or egotistical) enough to believe there was no limit to Micah’s patience when it came to her.

Now, she realised she’d pushed him to the brink.

“I’m sorry,” she said uselessly, wiping at the tears spilling down her cheeks. She didn’t want to cry in front of Micah, but it didn’t feel like she could stop. Each word he said punched out another salty tear from her eyes.

“What are you saying?” she whispered, voice trembling.

Micah hadn’t said anything outright, but too much had passed in the conversation for them to not understand what was being revealed right now. Even if Micah didn’t say he had feelings for her outright, they couldn’t just pretend like he was saying nothing. Him telling her his love was different than her own was confirmation enough and her heart stuttered in her chest.

“I don’t understand,” she said, shaking her head.

She’d never thought of herself as the kind of girl someone could easily fall in love with. It might have sounded deliberately self-deprecating, but it was the truth. When she compared her own awkward tomboyishness to the femininity and soft curves of Chess and Poppy, she immediately understood why her best friends were the ones guys tried to chat up when they went to a bar together. Joey was used to sitting quietly in a booth, ignored but straight-backed as if a better posture would make her more appealing.

Perhaps that was why she’d never once entertained the idea of Micah ever feeling anything more for her. Why would he?

“I’m not… What is there to process?” she asked, sharply and a little desperately. “We’re best friends. I love you so much. More than anything in the world. It’s not different. We love each other the same, right? There’s nothing… more. I don’t get why you’re seeing more here. I’m just…”

She shook her head wordlessly, her fingers clenching and unclenching in the fabric of his beanie in her lap.

Joey’s obvious denial was hurtful, but Micah couldn’t pretend he didn’t understand. It wasn’t easy for him, but it was a practical landmine to her. She thought they were on even footing this whole time, two best friends who loved each other unconditionally and without complication. The unconditional part was unequivocally true, but Micah had steamrolled straight ahead with more complication than she’d ever deserved to endure. He’d gone and ruined everything that was good about them by daring to feel something more.

“Yeah, you do. You do understand, Jo. You don’t wanna hear it, but let’s not pretend,” he sighed.

He could see it in her entire body, all the ways in which she absolutely knew what he was trying to tell her. The wide-eyed desperation, the ways her fingers fidgeted nervously, and he could hear it too, in how her voice lifted, her tone sharp as she tried to explain it all away. Micah would be flattered by her perseverance and the frantic way she was trying to cling onto the dregs of their friendship if he didn’t also feel the harsh sting of her rejection. She didn’t return his feelings, and that was something he’d just have to accept, but it didn’t make it hurt any less.

“You’re always gonna be my best friend, JC. That’s not gonna change, but...” he exhaled slowly, bracing himself for what was to come. It wouldn’t be easy, and he knew Joey wouldn’t like it. But there was no use leaving anything left unsaid, not at this stage. “I like as you as more than a friend, Joey. I like you so much that it makes me feel crazy when you’re not around. I like you and I love you and I hope me telling you that doesn’t make you hate me forever, but it’s true. You can ignore it and we can pretend this never happened, but it doesn’t make it any less true.”

Micah’s heart was pounding in his chest, his fingers trembling as he sought some sort of release. This would usually be the part where Joey would reach across, wrap his hand in hers and all the tension would melt away. He was fairly certain he’d just lost those privileges in a matter of minutes.

↳INSTAGRAM: @paranormaljoey uploaded a photo:

joey going on a spontaneous trip that she didn’t spend weeks upon weeks planning in advance? stranger things have happened! (alternate caption: poppy is planning a tour, chess is elbows deep in fashion things and other people are busy so i was left to my own devices.) see you soon @.talkvalentina i guess?????

@micahabiola: Oh, cool. I love Miami. Have fun.

#insta: joey #ft. joey

She walked back the past five minutes in her mind, wondering where she’d gone wrong. It had to have been the dumb comment about the American Pie movie, right? If she could only rewind time and go back to that moment, then she would have kept her stupid mouth shut about what Micah had chosen to watch on television and given him the pecan cluster and let that be that. They could have gone back to normal, if she hadn’t been such an idiot.

It was way too hard to look at him right now. She knew she had to, but out of the two of them, Joey was always the cowardly one, the scaredy-cat, the one that had to hide behind Micah’s bigger frame when they eventually crept into a location with their cameras.

Right now, it might have been easier for Joey to step into the most haunted house in America with her soul on display for an old-fashioned possession, than face what Micah was trying to say to her right now. She couldn’t do it. She didn’t want to do it. She just wanted things to stay the exact same, when Micah was her best raisin-loving friend and they operated in complete synchronisation, no weirdness, no awkward tension between them.

She’d thought that the chex-mix comment would, in a half-hearted way, remind Micah of how fond she was of their friendship. Of how they knew each other inside and out, all their own little idiosyncrasies that other people had to wait years to work out about them. Instead, her head whipped around at his response to it.

“Going wrong?” she echoed, eyebrows pulled together in a frown.

His next words hit her like a punch to the gut. She blinked at once, the tears she’d been holding back, spilling over her eyelids. Brown eyes shone with hurt at the idea of Micah, her best friend in the whole world and the most important person in her life, thinking he was some sort of stand-in to her until someone else came along. Whatever hypothetical boyfriend-to-be he’d conjured up in his mind.

“What?” she whispered.

Quickly, her sweater sleeves still covering her hands, she reached up and stubbornly wiped away her tears. Sniffing as quietly as she could, she cast Micah a look that she hoped didn’t show just how betrayed she felt.

“Is this about the chex-mix?” she asked stupidly, although she already knew this was something much bigger than that.

A stuttered breath hiccuped out of her and she tried to pull herself together and rally. She couldn’t let his conversation spiral out of control this way. She would do what she could to claw it back into familiar territory.

“Micah, you’re not a stand-in for anyone. You’re my best friend. The best person I have in my life. Why are you…” Her bottom lip quivered dangerously again and she had to fight hard to not revert back to the spoiled little girl, an only child fresh off the loss of her mom and dad, shuffled between two sets of grandparents who would give into her every whim the moment she started crying. She’d used her tears to her advantage then, but she would never dream of doing that with Micah.

“Are you mad at me because you’re not my boyfriend?” she asked quietly, fearing the answer.

Everything was going south and fast. Micah felt nauseous as he stared at his best friend, hurt etched plainly across her features. It killed him to think he was responsible for the look on Joey’s face right now, so much so that he suddenly didn’t care about his own feelings, or the wrongness that had nestled into his bones.

“I don’t mean wrong, I just... You’re my best friend, JC. I’m the luckiest guy in the world, I know that...” He sighed, pausing for thought. Micah was already well aware of how pathetic and desperate he sounded. There was a niggling voice in the back of his head, begging him not to start sounding like one of those ‘nice guys’ that thought they somehow deserved something more just for doing the bare minimum.

That wasn’t it, though. He didn’t do the bare minimum for Joey, nor did she for him. They were like two magnets, forever gravitating towards each other come hell or high water. Even whenever Joey was back home and Micah was still stuck in New York, the two were intrinsically linked, forever in sync with one another, their phones practically glued to their ears as they checked in on each other every hour god send. Micah had been oblivious back then – or maybe he’d been choosing to ignore the obvious – but they’d never really behaved like just friends, they’d always acted like more. Even when he hadn’t known it, there was a part of Micah that probably assumed that some day, they’d slowly work their way towards figuring it out together, to crossing that line and exploring what was hiding beneath the surface.

But Joey didn’t want that. And that was fine, really, he supposed. She was entitled to her freedom, to not return his feelings, but that didn’t mean it had to feel good.

“Hey, no. Please don’t cry,” Micah breathed, a lump forming in his own throat. He wanted to take a step towards her, to pull her in for a hug and squeeze all the badness out of both of them. But he couldn’t, and he knew that, so he simply shook his head, anguish etched across his features.

He wanted to let her talk, to allow her the space to say her piece. Maybe that would help them? To hear Joey explain her side of things, to finally put all these feelings to rest and try and work through them. So, she didn’t feel the same? He could get past that, they both could, and move forward to something healthier, something better. But whatever their dynamic was now, it had to change for that to be possible. Surely Joey understood that too?

Hope flared in his chest as she first started speaking, only to be immediately snuffed out as her sentence trailed off, her half-hearted why are you... hanging in the air. Why was he, what? Ruining things? Spoiling the fun? Micah wondered, with a slow and horrifying realisation, if that was how Joey saw him? Maybe he was just the friend that followed her lead, smiling and nodding where appropriate and never saying no or disagreeing because it didn’t fit their cosy reality. Had he broken the spell by daring to feel something she didn’t approve of?

Her final question, the final blow to knock the wind entirely from him, was enough of an answer for Micah.

“I’m not mad at you, JC,” he sighed, eyes fluttering shut in resignation. He ran a hand over his face, smoothing his features before pinching the bridge of his nose, allowing himself a couple of seconds to regulate his breathing.

Finally, he lifted his gaze to meet hers, reality setting in. Whatever had happened tonight, it seemed he’d ruined the best friendship he’d ever had. He could feel fresh tears stinging at the back of his own eyes too as it dawned on him that Joey might never look at him the same ever again.

“I think I just got too wrapped up in... I dunno, you, I guess. You’re great, Joey. You don’t need me to tell you that, you already know you’re my best girl,” he offered a sad smile, the words just the same now as they were any time he told her. “But maybe all that love you’ve got tucked away in that big heart of yours isn’t the same as mine. And I just need a minute to process that, I guess.”

raffertyreyes

↳INSTAGRAM: @raffreyes uploaded a photo:

Maria sent me these to ‘prove I needed a haircut’ then told me to put it to a vote.

@micahabiola: soz maria your cousin is hot and the bun must STAY

#insta: raff #ft. raff

At least the pecan cluster had gone down well. Joey wanted to keep the image of Micah’s pleased smile tucked safely in her ribcage, a comforting reminder that things couldn’t possibly have changed all that much between them. See, she wanted to smugly tell herself. Normal!

Then, she had to go and run her big mouth, making stupidly loud observations about whatever crappy movie Micah was watching. She knew he didn’t like that rubbish, and had only been voicing that to try and make some sort of conversation with him, centered around a topic that she had mistakenly deemed ‘safe’. But then the TV clicked off and her eyebrows flew upwards, head snapping around to see Micah holding the remote.

Immediately, dread settled into the pit of her stomach. Not the kind that usually stirred when they stepped foot into their latest haunt, a kneejerk chemical reaction that sent adrenaline pumping through her veins. This was different. It felt bad, and like she had nowhere else to channel it. All she could do was sit there and visibly flinch at Micah’s snappy retort.

“Don’t say that,” Joey mumbled, her eyebrows drawing together. It felt stupid for her to let tears spring up in her eyes, but she didn’t seem to have any particular control over her reaction to Micah’s words.

If Joey didn’t know Micah Abiola as well as she thought she did, then that was enough to make her second guess everything else in her life. Joey liked to think she knew a lot of things. She could name any Jellycat from memory, even if there may be a few she got muddled up. She knew ghosts were real, although her mission to provide any solid evidence on that front was yet to be fully realised. She knew a few spells here and there from her grandmother, even if they’d never worked out for her. She knew a lot of things, but none of them as well and complete as she knew Micah. Or so she’d lead herself to believe.

Her heart was hammering underneath the wool of her sweater. Like it was ready to give out under the weight of the heavy silence in the room. Tugging nervously at her sleeves and pulling them down over her dry, cracked knuckles (she really should have invested in some of that nice-smelling hand cream Chess had recommended to her), it took everything she had not to pout.

“Why would it be better?” she forced herself to ask, glancing at Micah out of the corner of her eye. As soon as she saw him with his head in his hands, she stared forwards again. She could still see him in the reflection of their television screen, but that was a little easier than facing him head-on.

She’d asked the question, but she had a feeling that she wasn’t going to like the answer all that much. Sometimes, Joey was always so sure that there was a presence in the room with them whenever they were shooting an episode. She’d swear by it, actually. That same certainty hovered above her head right now, threatening to crush her with the solidity of knowing that whatever Micah was about to say next, it would upturn every attempt at normality Joey had tried to push forward tonight.

Don’t say it, don’t say it, don’t say it, she chanted quietly.

“I don’t think it would be better if my best friend was bodysnatched,” she joked feebly, in a desperate last-ditch attempt to keep everything the same. “Who’d pick out all the raisins in my trail mix?”

Micah didn’t like to think that he was hurting Joey. Honestly, he’d actually prefer to carry the weight of both of their hurt than pile any of it on her, but it was too late for that. The wheels had been set in motion and the damage was already done. Besides, whether they liked it or not, Micah was hurting and Joey couldn’t wrap that awkwardness in a neat bundle and hide it from view. It wasn’t going to work like that.

“I'm sorry. That was a low blow,” Micah sighed, running a hand over his face.

Nobody knew him better than Joey Claremont, and they both knew that. There was no avoiding the truth. Some days, she knew him better than he even knew himself. She knew his favourite colour was the same colour of the t-shirt his dad had been wearing the last time he’d played video games with Micah before he’d died. She knew that he loved Pecan Clusters, evidenced by the one she’d brought home for him, but that he refused to eat them in public because Bradley was allergic. Joey had always understood that Micah tended to run hot, so when he wore a jacket over his hoody it was because he’d checked the forecast and knew she might be cold later. Every detail about Micah Abiola had been built with brick and mortar, patched together through blood, sweat and tears. Every inch of his loved ones was woven into the very foundation of him.

“I don’t know, Jo. Because...” he trailed off, lifting his head in surprise at her words.

Joey’s back was to him, as though she couldn’t bear to look at him, and it was just as well. If she’d been facing him, she’d have seen the way his shoulders had dropped in defeat, his lips curling into a downward turn. He knew she was joking, but it hardly mattered. To Joey, Micah was just her friend. Her best friend, obviously, and he’d always known there was no higher honour. Even now, he’d take it over absolutely nothing, but it still smarted. It still ached to realise he’d misread the signs and been alone in his feelings this whole time.

“Maybe that’s where I was going wrong,” he admitted with a sinking feeling.

He knew neither of them truly wanted to go there. It was unchartered territory, even after recent revelations, but it was inevitable. They couldn’t keep dancing around the subject.

“I’m not your boyfriend, Jo. I can’t keep being your stand-in until something better comes along,” he murmured.

shootallthebluejays

↳INSTAGRAM: @heyelena uploaded a photo:

elodie made me look cute for a novel idea’s valentines day event!

@micahabiola: so pretty!

#insta: elena #ft. elena

bwprestwick

↳INSTAGRAM: @spideybrad uploaded a photo:

For ages now the internet was pretty adamant that Sephy and I aren’t allowed to date because she’s Persephone Blake and I am, amongst other things, silly string if it made a wish to be a human as well as an Appalachian sasquatch the folks in Ohio tell their kids about at night to scare them into sleeping without a peep, but then today we saw that for V-Day, one of Seph’s stan accounts posted ‘happy cupid day to sephy and that lanky white boy she has to hold onto to stop the wind taking flight with him like a kite’ and so this is us finding out that we somehow DO have internet approval after all and our permission slip to date has been signed by Twitter user @snoopysephy. Now we can finally sleep peacefully at night and we’re so fucking psyched it went through and got greenlit on the most sickening and annoying day of the year. Yippee!

#insta: bradley #ft. bradley

@micahabiola: i've decided to be the bigger man this valentine's day and forgive Seph for stealing my man

raffertyreyes

↳INSTAGRAM: @raffreyes uploaded a photo:

Writing a song about how much I fuckin’ hate ICE. No, not the weather.

@micahabiola: in love with you

#insta: raff #ft. raff

marleybosswitch

↳INSTAGRAM: @marleybosswitch uploaded a photo:

new york winter getting you down? come see ya girl perform her tight five on friday night to make you laugh, giggle, or let out a trademark billy mchale chortle. jokes will be a-plenty although i understand if nothing i say is funnier than thinking diego could land drew blake.