i dont sing for my supper i am supper king

no worries

[iconwannabe]

—Ocean Vuong.

—May Sarton.

[supperking]

so yeah this cycle is just going to keep on happening until I learn and focus on what I actually needs to be focused on. I've endured so much heartbreak and my own fault because I refuse to look at myself as a work in progress and I have to continue to be in progress I feel stagnant how is someone supposed to find a partner in me if I don't even know if I have my own back covered?

[supperking]

lets not do this again

when you meet up with an old fling and he only remembers the sex but you dont (bc it was not good and were most likely disassociating)

[supperking]

i really think im good at a lot of things. but then i wonder... good enough??

is there such a thing

[supperking]

*"dear diary" by britney speaks plays aggressively*

[supperking]

itsbeenawhile

so that was a lot. did not even think to check the timestamp on my last post. im not sure what to make of the last 2(?) years. so much has changed, but i think its for the better? im in a period of transition boys have been ran thru, promotions have been had, jobs have been quit, people have moved, that bitch did get beat up, i went blonde again, ghosting is still a thing! oh and covid. forgot about the whole pandemonium thing i do feel a bit manic/lethargic itcomesinwaves been thinking about my future a lot what that will look like i made a flow chart i guess it helped but then i started looking for careers that encompassed all that i do and theres not enough time i feel so behind no concept of time experiences are feeling i need something now i need to be able to provide give back help however i can but im tired its about 4am a second ago i was wired but now im tired funny how that happens

[prepgoth]

[supperking]

idk what else to do. im (almost) moved out of my moms house finally, have had great opportunities come my way, found some good furniture on the side of the road, have like 4 boyfriends so theyre p much disposable which is amazing because ive never had anyone before 2017/2018 actually want to even like talk to me like that uh lmao and i kinda dont know how to react. like do i take advantage of every opportunity given and live lowkey selfishly but amazing, or like actually build genuine relationships w people for who they are and not how much money they will/make in the future when im ugly and no one will love me bc men throw away women over a certain age overboard? idk lmao im jus fuckin around and experiencing life and enjoying not having one single boyfriend, but a bunch of guy friends who act as my guinea pigs for the real deal. whoever tf that gonna be lmao ! boy that was a whole lot but basically im sitting here watching my roommates bird smoking a bowl and trying to rework an old beat without having any idea how to do what i want or how to do it myself. my life is the beat wooooow bro haha suh dude fuck what is this but anyway im here bc i cant make a single decision about my life and its driving my crazy because i end up just doing nothing and wasting my life and its stupid i could be doing a number of things like at least 6 but i guess theres some sort of secret or trick to getting everything you want done because i know im not the only one but i feel like my level of wasting time fucking around, this that or whatever is like beyond what it should be and i dont know how to change. sike i do but damn im lazy i left the beat on replay now i kinda hate it lol also i joined a pyramid scheme which is cool but like i suck at it but im keeping a positive attitude !!!! which is the most important!.. ? no its not my roommate/coworker and i are going to go to the apartment's gym when im officially moved it i hope its clean oh god can u imagine jus like entering and its musty af i really should have checked it before i agreed to this and also moved all of my shit into her apartment. why tf am i so eager to ruin my life wait its not even for sure bad yet can i chill?? my cat just tried to kill her bird oh god why did i think this was gonna work? im jus sayin tho im not buyin her a new bird JUS SAYIN i didnt come here for any of this and neither did u im sorry this is a fr waste of time. this is like the embodiment of what i feel about my life decisions wow am i breaking thru ???? come thru self awareness im tired time to smoke again