BO BURNHAM: MAKE HAPPY SENTENCE STARTERS.
“you should not laugh.”
“you should not forget about your problems.”
“the world is not funny.”
“i have no idea what’s going on over there.”
“what are they fighting about?”
“i can’t wrap my mind around exactly why i’m here.”
“you wanna be happy, well, get in line.”
“i love the idea of you.”
“that wasn’t clever, just mean.”
“do not give those dumb fucks any credit.”
“honesty’s for the birds, baby.”
“why is there a little boy living alone down the lane?”
“am i the only one concerned for this little boy?”
“if you’re writing honestly, that’s art.”
“that’s textbook pandering.”
“that’s a scarecrow, thought it was a human woman, sorry.”
“i hope you’re feeling me subtextually.”
“the boots i’m wearing cost three grand.”
“you don’t know what land you’re in.”
"they’re lying and manipulating you.”
“you deserve better.”
“thank you, weird man. bye.”
“culture’s over, everybody, we lost.”
“how dare they think them fucking around is worthy of your attention?”
“yeah, ‘whoo’ that sadness out.”
“if you want love, lower your expectations a lot.”
“if he’s got a thing for feet, say, fuck it, sweep me off them.”
“you might think your dick’s a gift, but i promise, it’s not.”
“but deep down we know we don’t deserve it.”
“we all deserve love, even on the days we aren’t our best.”
“original doesn’t mean good.”
“why are you holding a jar of mayonnaise?”
“touché, bitch.”
“i have to clean it up because you’ll only mess it up more if you do.”
“flaming hot cheetos are not for pussies.”
“they’re not sponsoring me, i’m just trying to get them to.”
“do not stick with me through thick.”
“if i stop entertaining you, kick me to the curb.”
"man, if only i was anybody else at all.”
“i went through a pretty rough breakup recently.”
“it’s over.”
“we shouldn’t fight to stay together just to fight again.”
“eat a dick.”
if you don’t like this dick sitch, eat a dick, bitch.”
“i try to speak to you but you don’t listen.”
“honestly, are you fucking five?”
“i’m saying how i’m feeling and you’re saying ‘eat a dick’ over and over again, does that seem mature to you?”
“i’m hurt and i’m trying to hide it.”
“i thought we had a future together.”
“i didn’t think you’d cry for me.”
“i thought you were lashing out in anger but now i see you’re scared.”
“maybe we can work this out and not break up.”
“you think three lousy tears offsets three years of shit?”
"you’re not what i need, hon; lick this clit then leave, son.”
“can i say my shit?”
“i’ve got lots of shit to say.”
“i can’t fit my hand inside a pringle can.”
“you think you can, i know you can’t.”
“irony can be so painful.”
“dude, you should’ve warned me.”
“half the shit inside my burrito spilled out.”
“i wouldn’t have got the _______ if i knew it wouldn’t fit.”
“truth is, my biggest problem’s you.”
“i wanna please you but i wanna stay true to myself.”
“a part of me loves you, a part of me hates you.”
“i don’t think that i can handle this right now.”
“if you hated it, that’s fair.”
“on a scale of one to zero, are you happy?”
“i really wanna try to get happy.”
“i wouldn’t even want it if i got it.”
“oh god, my dad was right.”
“you’re everything you hated, are you happy?”
