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Firsts

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Getting Older

It has been a minute since I posted and thought it would be a great time to get back into the swing of things. This year, I turned 50 and have been working out the adjectives for it. A few come to mind, some of which are not PG enough for this page, others that come to mind are insightful, wiser and grumpier. One of the most predominant joys of being a woman is menopause. My time clock has…

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I've Got A Feeling

I’ve Got A Feeling

If you have followed my blog for any length of time, you will know that I am not too emotional and have always had trouble voicing my feelings. Sometimes things just hit you when you least expect it and I guess death has a way of doing that. The past couple of months have been so weird. My ex-mother-in-law pawed away. She left a legacy with me that I will ever be thankful that she was in my…

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Left Handers Unite

I am a lefty. Being a lefty in a right handed world is challenging. I think it is such a testiment to this country. We must conform to what has been defined as “normal“. Always adapting to existing technology and it is pretty crazy. I would love to create a business just for the left handed society. maybe even a social media group dedicated to resources and products that are geared for the left…

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2020 = BS

Yes, all of us has been affected in one way or another with the 2020 Pandemic. Whether it be physical, like the loss of a job or emotional, like anxiety. Social media is riddled with it, the news is filled with the stories and statistics. We are being asked to stay home, alienate ourselves from family and friends and the businesses we frequent are plagued with shortened hours and limited…

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Being Alive

One of my recent posts was actually something I had read that really defined me to a tee. My childhood was a train wreck and my only solace was that it wasn’t going to last forever. Even as a child, I had a sense of reality and counted the days to when I would never come back home.

Abuse of any kind depletes your soul. It hardened my heart. My emotions were buried deep within and rarely…

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Trauma Response

I cannot take credit for the following text. But, I was inspired one day while on Facebook when a friend posted this. I researched a bit on facebook and did find a Jamila White that is a Life Coach and Psychic. I liked her page and will send her a copy of this post so she is aware that I have her words. If she got it from somewhere else, then I apologize. I have no clue about rules on using…

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Wake Up!

I read a statistic that said that every nine minutes a child is sexually assaulted and of those abused, 95% of them know their abuser. Why do people think that a child is their possession to do whatever they want to them? Do they not think that a child is a real person? Do they think they do not have emotions, thoughts and opinions?

I would take this a step further. Anytime an adult treats a…

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Dreams

I still dream about my father. As much as I don’t want to, my subconscious always seems to take me back to a time in my life where he existed. Sometimes I think the dreams are memories while others are merely recent scenarios with him being peppered into the narrative.

Some may say this is being “haunted” by my past? Is it?

I have said it before, the mind is powerful. I really do not…

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Just Who Will You Be

Just Who Will You Be

It has been several years since my father’s death. I still cannot refer to him as my “dad”. I believe this word denotes affection and fondness, neither of which I have for him after all these years. Why is that?

No amount of time or therapy will ever give me back the years I have literally forgotten. I do hold him responsible him for this loss and I forever will.

Forgiveness is for…

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But Why?

I do this for one person.

Photo by Designecologist on Pexels.com

One person out there is struggling and feels like their world is caving in. They are on the edge and are considering suicide or are living a destructive life. It may be YOU. You have been sitting on the sideline and really don’t know how you could ever make a difference in someones life.

I want you to know that I understand…

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Memories on Pages

I spend a considerable amount of time trying to sort through my childhood memories to ensure that they are real. Of course, I remember the bad like it was yesterday, but everything else is foggy. I am unsure if it really happened or if it is accurate.

When I was a young mother, I began journaling. I was frightened this lapse of memory would attack my adult years and I would miss some of the…

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Sex is a Good Thing

Sex is a Good Thing

To be clear, I like sex.

Let’s uncover some of the traumatic results of being a sexually abused child, when it comes to sex.

Virginity

So, was I a virgin? The physical manifestation of virginity was removed as a child by my father. The continued abuse of my body remains the reason for this blog, but it did not define me. Call me a wild child, but I did not givemyself to another man…

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Children Learn What They Live

One of the things that makes me so angry is the fact that I was duped!

I consider myself fairly intelligent with good common sense, however, my childhood was riddled with lies and deceit. My father controlled what was brought into our home and how it was perceived. Everyone lives this to an extent but in a more harmless fashion. For instance, if your family grows up watching college football…

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Just Friends

The same 10 year span of ex-communication with my father also impacted my mother. At this point, there was no way of getting her away from him. I know I even offered my home as a place to live to salvage the relationship. My mother would not go for it. Just recently, since starting this blog, she opened up to me and shared her decisions, hesitations, fears and the life she married into.

Wh…

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Not That Lucky

Ok..ok! I am not perfect. I definitely have so much to learn as well as endless potential even at close to 50 years of age. I have learned so many things from life that have made me the woman I am today.

My children are healthy and testaments to the fact that the abused don’t become abusers. I literally treated them the way I wanted and needed to be treated as a child. I let them get angry and…

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New year. New challenges.