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This is lovely. Inspirational pic and quote from The Woven Road.

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ITS TIME

Ticked-Off Trannies With Knives

So FUCKING FUNNY, is an understatement is all I can say. This movie required my buddy Ross and I to pause it so that we could finish laughing at the awesomeness of the Dialoge. To say that these bitches are CUNTY is also quite inadequate!

When I first decided to watch this I was kind of tipsy as was Ross and we figured we might have made it through the first ten minutes, but no! It starts out hilarious and just keeps on going. Though this is about as low budget as you can imagine it is very worth your time.

Now these "trannies" are more like drag queens with breast implants, in that they work at a club and do performances (however it does seem that they live their lives as women). But the main story line is that there is some violence that takes place against them, they learn some skills and then seek revenge on their attackers.

Watch this movie! The dialogue is spectacular and it never gets to awfully heavy. Trust me, this is not a waste of time. I had my doubts at first and if your really leery (thinking that it may just be for gay audiences) give it 10 or 15 minutes and you will not be disappointed.

Metropolitan

This shit was funny as fuck yall. Now originally I was hesitant, especially since it was released in 1990 and I didn't recognize any of the actors names. But I'm always a sucker for Upper East Side Manhattan and a comedy of manners. So with those combined in the description I was ready to watch this.

Now to say this movie is slow moving is actually pretty fair. It isn't a fast paced physical comedy with laughs generated from people falling down. Instead it is entirely driven by the dialoge. Now it is made and set in 1991 Upper East Side Manhattan during debutante season. The script is what really makes this movie so freaking good. The lines are great but its the subtle wittiness that keeps you laughing the whole time. There were several times whilst watching this that I had to ask "did he really just say that with a straight face"

In fact I thought this movie was so funny that I watched the first ten minutes and knew that I could not watch it alone. I had to wait for my buddy Ross to come over and boy I'm glad I did. This movie is so quotable is ridiculous. I highly recommend this movie, There are a few attractive guys in it and the early 90's clothes provide a great reminder to how great living in 2011 is, at least for chicks (this movie had some horrible dresses) but upper class men's clothes really haven't changed much.

So if you're in the mood for a witty yet laugh out loud comedy this is for you!

Slaughtered Vomit Dolls

Though the title makes it sound intrguing, low budget and possibly just humoursly bad. It is in fact only one of those three: Low Budget. I talk alot about the 10-15 minute test but when it was time for me and my buddy Ross to call it quits on this one we had only made it through the first 9 minutes.

This movie is HORRIBLE, disturbing and just downright confusing. From what I saw it was some kind of girl-got-raped-ritualistically-and-now-is-seeking-vengeance-if-she-can-get-off-the-drugs type story line.

Really people Don't waste your time with the utter piece of shit.

Hellion: The Devil's Playground

So I decided to give this flick a try because of to main factors: It's Australian and It's classified as "Satanic Stories" on Netflix. I tend to find demon possession kind of scary if not at least interesting, and I really haven't been let down by the Aussies yet when it comes to movies.

So the premise of this movie is that a newly single mom movies to suburban Australia with her college aged son and two smaller children. Well in the intro to this movie (which takes place 30 years ago) there is a crazy cultish demon worshiping thing going on. I personally was still kind of confused about what happened in the beginning. Anyway, most of the evilness revolves around this odd clubhousey type building in the backyard. And guess what, the demon presence has a particular taste for currupting children.

Now there was a point where I turned this bullshit off because I thought it was going to go into the realm of "creature feature" and actually show a demon stalking around but that turned out not to be the case much to my relief. The acting in this movie is pretty horrible and there are only two attractive guys (not even really hot but at least pleasant to look at) one of which is the douchy real estate agent and the other is the college aged son. Alot of movies I watch I find that I would enjoy them more watching them with other people but that is definetly not the case with this one. Though it was somewhat entertaining I would feel bad making somebody else watch it with me.

Army Wives

So I just finished watching the first four seasons of this show that are available for instant on Netflix. All I can say is WOW! When I first heard of this show I thought that it would most likely be pretty lame, but then I heard some people whose recommendations I trust say good things about it. So when I saw it show up as a new arrival in the tv shows section I figured I would give it an episode or two to see if I liked it.

Well six hours later I found myself fully immersed in this show. Lifetime did not disappoint with this one. Not only are the four main women and one man pretty good people but they don't make the show all about complaining and they keep the caddiness to the side characters. Now don't get me wrong, there are some points where this show becomes a crytacular and reduces the watcher to a blubbering mess but over all you're excited for these people and their spouses and really wish them well.

I won't give any spoilers because I do think that this show is very much worth watching but I will say that somehow this show manages to have a villain type character for the first couple of seasons that results in an amazing and satisfying come-upins. Though I will say there is very little sexually related drama. People for the most part are not sleeping around. Also the husbands are pretty attractive especially Pamela's husband Chase. He is possibly one of the hottest men on tv. As for celebrity presence. There are special appearances (Wynonna Judd and Jill Biden) but the cast is pretty much unknowns save for Catherine Bell (of JAG fame) and Kim Delaney. I tend to prefer when shows have mostly people I haven't seen before that way I don't think back to their characters on other shows.

Now do I think that it is very realistic? I can't really say. I was in the Navy, and I did know some good wives there but for the most part I don't think they were anything like the chicks and one husband on the show. And there is alot of what would probably be unrealistic mingling between Officer and Enlisted wives. This show is also very pro-military which I liked but may not suit everyone.

So If you are also a fan of shows like JAG and NCIS and even Battlestar Galactica, then you would also probably like this show. At least give it an episode or two before casting judgement.

Survivors

Finally finished watching this show! Its only two seasons and since it is a BBC Drama and the English don't know how to keep a show on tv the two seasons are good and leave you wanting more. Now I do have to admit that I stopped watching after I finished the first season but got bored and decided to finish it today and boy am I GLAD I did.

This show is a post apocalyptic series but instead of a commonly used zombie scenario everybody is just dead. A flu type virus kills off 99% of the human population and the only people that are left are the ones that have some form of natural immunity. The first season is really good and is mainly about a group of people that just happen to find each other and are now trying to survive. They meet many other groups whilst on the road and drama ensues. The second season focuses more on a conspiracy that doesn't come to a head till the end of the show in the second season.

What I took away most from this show is a wondering about what people are actually like deep down. Are we inherently good or are we inherently bad. Its a question that is never asked on the show but by watching peoples actions one is left to figure that out on their own. This show is definitely worth watching and is lamentably only 12 episodes. However; the brits did know that it was going to end so the show does not leave too many questions unanswered. It was made in 2008 and I assume since it is now 2011 there will not be anymore seasons.

The Lost Coast

Another low budget gay movie, what a surprise! This one however is really not bad. Its primarily about three friends on Halloween. One friend is a guy that is now engaged to a woman, the other is a pretty Twinkie but cute and not campy gay, the third is the hag. Apperently back in High School (which I'm guessing was only maybe three years ago at the most) these kids went on a camping trip that resulted in the "straight" guy not being so straight. Well those issues come up again as the three friends plus a tag along newer friend traipse around San Francisco on Halloween night in a quest to find some Ecstasy.

Now If your thinking High-pace, crazy drug dealers, in sane antics similar to GO type of movie then you are very wrong. The pace of this movie is slow but it works, it's almost more reflective than it is slow. I liked this movie but I really don't find to many gay movies that are completely devoid of a positive aspect, though there are a few.

More than anything this flick is about unrequited passion, lust, and love. Its not one to watch with friends and try and have a good time with. I didn't cry during this movie but came pretty close, though I did watch it in the dark, by myself and was kind of drunk. But before yall roll your eyes and think you know how this movie plays out, I can tell you for a fact that it does break the standard norms of the gay unrequited love genre. However if you're looking for a third wheel fag hag character who actually has a purpose, you're not going to find it here. The chick speaks about three lines the whole movie and just kind of wanders off aimlessly a few times.

Overall I enjoyed this movie, and it really brought up alot of my own personal shit, so if you are the type that journals or a diarist then make sure you keep what you write in close at hand. And yes there are some funny scenes but honestly not to many, this isn't a comedy even by accident like so many low budg movies turn out to be.

Frontline: Close to Home: Scenes from a Recession

This was a little gem I found in my "top picks" section. It's just an hour and was filmed in 2009. It's about a woman that owns a kind of upscale private Manhattan hair salon. Now the movie isn't really about her, it's about her clients and how all they ever talk about whilst getting their hair cut now a days is the recession and not being able to find work. Now her clients, some of which are pretty wealth or in this case were pretty wealthy, would be considered for the most part upper middle class. There really is no racial or ethic diversity it's really all white business type people that come through despite what the description says on Netflix.

So If your in the mood for something educational but entertaining and from a first person point of view then this is a good pick. Also If you're like me and like to watch something while you eat dinner but don't want to have to worry about following plot then this is really good choice.

The Strip Game

Highly entertaining but possibly one of the most Ghetto things I've ever seen in my life and Belly is one of my favorite movies. The description of this movie is that it's Method Man's directorial debut and is showing his serious side. BULLSHIT! Yes it's a documentary about strippers from across the country but at the very begining of the movie he tells the viewers to "roll somthing up, smoke it and pass it around" and yes if it is your thing, a little weed would make this movie better.

Periodically other rappers hang out with Method Man as he travels to five citites and samples the strip joints (West Chester NY, Atlanta GA, Miami FL, Huston TX, and Los Angles CA). Now he does meet some interesting girls on this tour and things they same are really crazy most of the time. Now I have been to alot of strip clubs in my day but have never really been to a Black strip club before and that is what this movie is about. There are only about three white people in this whole movie. So from a sociological point of view it's pretty interesting.

But the girls are what this movie is about and you do learn quite a bit about them. A few times through out this flick Method Man (when he isn't high as shit) talks about how he wanted to learn what these girls were like in real life not just on stage. The viewer does get a glimpse in to their real lives, a few are lesbians in committed relationships, a few are just single girls trying to save money to start their own business, and most have families to support. But to often the personal lives of the girls in this movie is eclipsed by questions like "Are there problems with girls not washin properly?" "can you do any special tricks"(Mind you these girls do got some tricks now).

Is this movie watchable? Yes. Is this a feat of cinematic art? Fuck no! It's about ghetto strippers for God's sake! So if you want to have a little bit of a laugh and see somethings you might not normally get to see then give this movie a try. and since I hate spoilers all I'll say is in LA even Method Man was speechless about what happened.

Keep the River on Your Right: A Modern Cannibal Tale

This movie was something else yall. First off the description about this dude being a cannibal in Peru is very misleading. You don't actually hear much about Peru until almost the end of the flick.

However, the rest of this movie is absolutely hilarious. Not only is the film mostly about this dude's time spent with the Azmat of Indonesia, but also peoples reactions to his stories from back in the 70's and 80's. Now this isn't some Indiana Jones type dude. Oh no! This guy is an awkard Gay New York Jew. and he is so fucking funny. He also tells stories about how all the men in the Azmat tribe had male lovers as well as wives and that he too had a male lover with them. In a clip from an interview from 1988 the interviewer asked him if he had a relationship with one of the men, and when he answers yes the interviewer says "You were there to study them not play with them" God it makes me glad we don't live in the 80's when things like that could be said on national tv. There are also some really touching moments when this guy goes back to visit the Azmat and basically meets his old boyfriend again.

When he finally does start discussing Peru, which for him was life changing enough that he can no longer paint artistically, the story is pretty brief and matter of fact as he deals with own personal issues regarding his time spent in Peru and what it means to him now. It really makes the viewer think about the perspectives they have on their own life experiences.

But this old gay man is quite sassy at points and makes this movie not only watchable but actually quite enjoyable.

Best line from the movie " I'm tired and I want to go to bed. I had a little drink about an hour ago and it's gone right to my head"

Also beware, there is a very disturbing mass circumcision scene early on featuring Azmat tribal children.

The Third Jihad

This Documentary is utterly terrifying as fuck!!! This was done by a Muslim man that was shocked by the amount and strength of radical Islam in the world. It offers a very sobering view on the current world situation and is also very informative about Islam and the different ways that Muslims view it. He also talks alot about a document, similar to a manifesto, by many different radical Islamist groups about their long term intentions. Let me just say that I was shocked quite a few times during this documentary. The big two were when the director shows how the majority of Muslim organizations in America that call themselves "moderate" actually have strong ties to Hamas and Hisbollha, and how there are training camps in the United States for prisoners that converted to Islam whilst in prison! I had to take a break half way through this movie just to kind of process what I was learning. Also this is good alone but probably better with someone else because it really makes you want to talk to someone and hear their views on it.

The Horde (La Horde)

French Zombie Movie!!! That alone piqued my interest, but then I find before starting it that it was made in 2009 was enough for me to press play. Before I found out about Netflix and just bought movies on dvd like any other dude, I didn't really care how old a movie might be. But then I started streaming movies and got a new TV. Now watching anything made before '07 looks cheaply made and low budg movies look even more low budg. but I digress.

This movie was actually pretty fucking bad ass. The French def know how to shoot an action seen and the blood and gore was done with high quality CGI, this has way better production values than other euro zombie flicks I've seen before (namely Evil). And when it comes to zombie movies one of the major motivating reasons to watch it now adays is the quality of the gore, I mean who doesn't like a zombie flick that actually had a decent budget. The fact that zombie movies started having larger budgets in itself changed the genera. Think back to the old 80's flicks compared with the high quality Dawn of the Dead remake and 28 Days Later. This movie does not fall short in any aspect money is able to fix and for the most part stays in line with most conventions of the genre.

The Horde is based on around what appears to be a soviet style apartment building on the outskirts of Paris. A group of four cops is going on a raid in this nearly abandon building to take out some Nigerian gangsters. Now the set up for the rest of the movie takes a full 20 min. so the 10-15 min test will not work for this flick. But once the first zombie attacks it's on for the rest of the movie. The zombies in this movie can Run and movie quite quickly, they also seem to posses some amount of cognitive thought.

Highlights of this movie definitely include an old Frenchman. Now he makes a repeatedly talks about "Indochine" and refers to the zombies as chinks. So I took it to mean he was the French version of a crazy Vietnam Veteran. Also it seems the French do not know how to fight zombies. There was way to much hand to hand combat in this movie and no matter how many zombies they fought, they never realized that a head shot was the best way to go. Also this movie takes place in one night in this one building so it is a really good movie to watch and consider if you are planning what you would do at the beginning of a zombie apocalypse. Linguistically only one interesting thing of not and that was when the Nigerians use the word "hardcore" and the old Frenchman has to have it explained and the Nigerians explain it as meaning the same as brutal. I thought this was pretty funny that as much as the French want to keep English words out some just inevitably sneak in. Also "merde" was translated to mean "Jesus" "shit" "crap" and "damn" throughout this movie.

So If you're in the mood for a zombie flick that is sort of different than the standard American (which is the pinnacle of the genre don't get me wrong), this French movie won't let you down, though it is weird at points but then again I think all French movies are kind of weird.

The Possession of David O'Reily

I Rated this Five stars yall. It was really freaking good and kept me on the edge of my seat with plenty of WTF! moments. First off, I'm infatuated with these demonic possession/ Paranormal Activity(PA) type movies so I was drawn to this flick whilst perusing the dregs of Netflix. Well from the beginning this movie is kind of odd, first in that the way the film is shot looks a lot like it would be a hand held camera like in PA or Blair Witch Project but it isn't. It's like when the narrator of a book switches from being omniscient one moment to actually just being the voice and thoughts of on character. This movie does that with filming style which is kind of off-puting. And this is a British Movie, but there isn't any odd cultural things of note.

The story is basically a guy shows up at his couple friend's house. Well the couple tell there friend of like ten years to come on in, and he then tells them that he and his girlfriend broke up after a huge fight. Well the husband and the guy have some bro time together and eventually the husband offers his friend a place to stay for awhile. Well it all seems kind of bland and kind of dramatic until you see the creatures. At first i was very taken aback. I was in no way in a mood to watch a "creature feature" genre movie but I stuck it out and it was worth it. The creatures are the main mystery generated by this movie but they are very seldom seen. When you do see them though they look like some Hellrasier type bull shit.

This movie also a complete side-story line that is woven in so well that you don't really notice it has nothing whatsoever to do with the creatures or demons that the rest of the movie is addressing. Yeah, this flick is well worth a viewing. The end of this movie really makes you wonder though and kind of puts an interesting spin on the last 10 minutes of the Movie. This movie is very watchable and recommend if you like the more subtle PA style horror flick with the nemesis being very unknown and unseen.

Wilderness Survival for Girls.

Lord have mercy yall. The lesbian undercurrent of drama in this movie is a little ridiculous, and by a little I mean Alot! The movie is about three girls that go into the woods to stay at a family cabin of one of the girls. A creepy man who says he's been squatting in the cabin shows up and the girls decided to keep him prisoner because they think he is a rapist and murder. Now one of these girls is obviously the leader and a major instigator of the inter-clique drama. Of the other two, One is a lesbian in love with the leader and the other is a mousy brainy virgin that is best friends with the lesbian.

To say that the drama is exaggerated would be unfair. Its really not over the top but really makes one wonder if 17 year old girls should be allowed to do anything by themeselves. Repetedly they jump to conclusions and spend more time arguing with eachother than actually planning how to handle this real life situation. As for the creepy stranger: he is actually pretty cool and you start to relate to him as he maintains that he is NOT a killer and just wants to get his stuff and leave. However, the story keeps it quite a mystery as to whether he is or isn't a bad guy.

Netflix says this movie is about three girls that discover their capacity for cruelty. All in all these girls are just examples of how indoctrinated young women have become. These girls are governed in their actions by a sense that all men are dangerous to women and that men just want to rape and murder helpless young girls whenever given the chance. This movie does a good job of how that kind of feminist indoctiration can just lead to unnecessary fear and violence.

I say this movie is watchable at the least but in all truthfulness kind of thought provoking.

"of course she's alright, bitch fucking shot me!"

"just because we are girls, why does that mean we have to be afraid all the time?"

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