Rising from the ashes @survivalistjunpei - Tumblr Blog

((Hi! My antidepressants have been working really well! Actually, that’s why I haven’t been so active these past few days. I wasn’t addicted to the Internet or anything, but I didn’t have the energy to do anything other than lay in my bed, so at the very least scrolling through Discord and Tumblr on repeat made me feel like I was doing something, as opposed to just...staring at the ceiling and occasionally turning over in bed. That’s really why I was able to respond ~immediately~ to posts/responses.

While I work on recovering from my severe depression and anxiety-- which I use that word knowing that they won’t just go away, rather I use it to say that I’m dealing with them to start functioning in the ways that I need to again --I’m going to be taking a step back from this blog for a while. It’s not going to be forever! I just...need some space to breathe. Gonna be stepping back from Tumblr in general (my main is @itsya1upboy and my other RP blog is @sunyshore-leader-volkner).

Though I’m also taking a step back from this blog because...well... My writing isn’t entirely vent art, but it can get pretty dark. To be entirely frank, while Havardr is his own character and not a pure self-insert, a lot of my writing him was and is a projection of my own issues with mental illness and my fears about where I’d end up down the road.

I mean, these stories need to be told, and Etrian Odyssey was the framework in which I was able to do so-- not just Havardr but everyone. The disabled, the mentally ill, PoC, LGBT+, everyone of every shape, size, and color--- they deserve to have stories told too, and people should see stories that they can be inspired from. I never consciously say, “I’m going to add an X character now.” but I do want to make sure I handle things respectfully and tell these stories right.

But it’s also with the sorts of stories I tell, where I’ll need to step back for a while to deal with my own mental health. My writing didn’t cause my depression and anxiety; I’ve had them for years. But writing was part of the process in which I was able to open the Pandora’s box of my emotions and begin evaluating them and working through them, and right now, writing darker characters is not what I need to be doing.

That’s why I’m going to be stepping back from this blog for a while. I don’t enjoy RP any less, and I really love everyone I’ve met here in the EO RP community and the general EO community here on Tumblr! But for the sake of my mental health, it’s going to be necessary for me to do this. Thank you so much for supporting Guild Phoenix thus far, and I hope you will continue to support them in their future endeavors!))

#mun speaks #important #hiatus

"Ohmygosh, you guys have an Yggdroid friend here now!?"

We do! She’s going to be my bodyguard until the harassment surrounding me dies down, and then she’s going to be staying in Maginia for a while after that as a member of our guild.

Greetings. My name is Sigma. And you are?

*Mama dog shows up looking for her puppies*

Let’s bring them over to her, Xiang, I think that is the mother dog.

Alright!

((Sigma and Xiang sit the puppies in front of their mother and step back slowly, making sure not to seem a threat to the mother. The mother sniffs of her babies, and barks once; one puppy that the two missed crawls out from under the couch and bounds over to the mother. She licks it clean before turning around and heading out the door, all her puppies following behind her.))

Okay! That went well!

((The pair turns to Florentin.))

Flor, you alright?

Huh--- Oh yeah! I’m fine. ((His smile, however, is more nervous than relieved.))

Thank you for your help, Xiang. I’ll stay with Florentin now, so you go on your way.

Okie-dokie! ((With that, Xiang bounces off down the hall.))

*releases a whole litter of puppies in the inn, each and every one with a nametag that says "werewolf" on it*

Wh-whoa!

Florentin, are you allergic to dogs?

N-no, but... I know they’re just babies, but...

Ah, that’s right, you’re afraid of dogs, yes? Don’t worry, I’ll get someone to help me get these back to their owner.

((One of the puppies toddles up to Florentin, its whole butt wagging as it walks, and sniffs of his leg before sneezing on it. Florentin flinches a bit.))

Woooooah! Holy crap, you guys! Where’d all these guys come from!?

Ah. Xiang. Could you help me get these gathered up, please? Florentin is afraid of dogs, and I only have so many arms.

Yeah, of course! Flor, you go sit down over there, ‘kay?

((Florentin nods, still quite on edge around all the canines, and goes over and sits down nearby, and Sigma and Xiang begin rounding up the puppies.))

Hi guys. We, uh, returned from the hospital. We’ve been gone a while, I know. Havardr was out all the next day after the surgery, and then stayed there for a few days after. Me and the others stayed at an inn near the hospital so we could be close by in case anything happened, so that’s why we’ve been gone too.

Apparently some shit went down in the few days I was gone...? Like, uh, someone new joined the guild to be Flor’s bodyguard...because someone brought an F.O.E. into town while they were harassing him... What the fuck is wrong with you people? Bringing a goddamn bat int---

Hey now, let’s not get too steamed over this. It all worked out in the end, right?

...Yeah, I guess so.

Anyways, Havardr’s still gonna be going up to the hospital for his physical therapy, and Logre’s gonna be escorting him to and from there... But other than that, we’re all back. Well, Havardr and Logre are both gonna be off the battlefield for a while...but, eh, so it goes.

I’m glad to be back with you guys, heheh! And I’m sure the others are too.

I still don’t see why I’m out of commission for the time being...

((Junpei rolls his eyes.))

You know why, Idiot.

Anyways. All five of us that left before are back! Now then, to go get Sigma’s paperwork filed...

-----

((Honestly not sure what happened to the other person involved in that arc, but I only just realized how long it’s been since they went MIA! I have like...no sense of time... Depression be a bitch like that. XD

Uhhhh, anyways, Junpei, Havardr, Logre, Lis, and Miku are all back for asks and shit... Sorry about the delay!

And also, I guess you can sorta retcon those asks where Vash and Florentin said the surgery was taking a long time. Junpei definitely would’ve sent a note to his husband explaining what was going on, even if it was kept as a private matter within the guild.))

#etrian odyssey #eo #etrian odyssey nexus #eox #eon #roleplay #rp #guild phoenix #junpei #havardr #logre #mun speaks #important

((Hello! I don’t know how active I’ll be in the next few days. Everything may proceed as normal, but at the same time, I’m going to be starting an antidepressant and I have no clue how it will affect me. Everything should be fine, in theory! But if I drop off the face of the Earth, that will probably have something to do with it.

I also dunno what happened to the surgery arc, on the other person’s end, they seem to have dropped off the face of the Earth themselves... I’m gonna make a post to, uh, wrap that up, and get those five characters off the bus.

Also that post will retcon the asks where Vash and Florentin are saying the surgery was taking longer than expected, I suppose; not like it’s the only sudden retcon, there was also Lepido knowing something he should not have that we pretended didn’t happen.))

#mun speaks #important

survivalistjunpei

Would it really be so horrible if people knew you're a vampire? It might even make all the harassment stop.

I— I-I’m not a vampire! And even if I were, it would be my place to disclose such a fact or not! My personal life or past or race are none of anyone’s business, unless I make it so! Instead of blaming me for being harassed, blame the people who aggravate my allergies, or bring monsters into town, or harass me in other numerous ways!

gardenofscaledwings

…Now, Florentin, we’ve never met before, and I’ve a terrible, terrible reputation among your guild in particular…but even knowing that full well, I cannot abide by any of this.

Lepido turns towards the…individual? Message? In question, eyes red with fury-which, admittedly, isn’t a rare look on him.

No one desires notoriety for things outside of their control, much less constant threats on their very life for said attributes! No one should need to do anything-to prove themself, to bare some terrible secret, to share their all with complete strangers-just to keep these horrid threats off of their doorstep! Do you honestly believe that people do not have the right to SOME privacy!? Do you not think matters such as medical history or past would fall among that right?

And even if he did say he was a vampire, whether that ridiculous theory held any merit or not, what, exactly, oh-so WISE and POWERFUL individual behind the mask, even think it will accomplish? It “might” make it stop. Or it might spark a hunt, or fill his harassers with vindication, or inspire others to poke and prod at his limits even more so!

Leave the poor man alone, now, before I decide I want to make your lives a living hell-something you know damn well I am capable of.

survivalistjunpei

Oh, goodness, thank you… I was about to say the same thing. Even if I…gave in, and said, “Oh yes, I’m a vampire!” that would just lead to more harassment! Or a witch hunt! Or in this case a vampire hunt…

H-hopefully that Yggdroid friend of Xiang’s should be arriving soon… Maybe she can help defend me against harassment. I-I know that’s a horrible thing to have to say, really, it is, but it’s what we have to contend with, and Lis and Bertrand aren’t all-powerful.

Um… Thank you again. My guildmates have spoken of you in varying ways… Some hate you, others are nervous about you… Miku seems to like you well enough, but even she is wary… Um, but you do seem like a good person, even if you do have a temper! It really isn’t all that different from Junpei when you think about it. Maybe he’s so angry at you because he sees what he used to be…and what he could become again…

…Um—! ((Florentin blushes lightly, clears his throat, and continues.))

I don’t know what I’m saying at this point. I suppose I’m just…really nervous after all of this today.

Um, th-thank you for standing up for me. People like you are really few and far between here.

gardenofscaledwings

‘Tis not a terrible thing, at all. Given what I know of Yggdroids, their very existence hinges upon the will of Armoroad’s Yggdrasil, and they are thus not only bound, but designed to fulfill its desires. There’s a saying in my homeland-If the Great Tree wills it, then let it be so. I do not believe Armoroad is exempt from that rule, and should the ‘droid both exist to serve its Yggdrasil and the Great Tree deign to give you another bodyguard, then…well, ‘twould hardly be an inconvenience, on either the God or the Yggdroid’s part.

…If you may permit me to speak frankly, a part of a reason I felt the need to come to your aid was because Lis was…busy, to put it lightly. Even if I may have pissed the man off, I do believe he deserves the time to cope with these new developments, and whatever may come of them. That and the continued need to stave off these threats against you can coexist, yes, but you both would need a helping hand-one I am more than willing to provide. Even Sir Bertrand de Gervaise, with the gifts of this…“Fafnir,” they call it? Is not all powerful-that is as you have said.

Hopefully, with another coming to your defense-especially one outside your guild-there will be less cruel jokes at your expense-and more who realize the injustice of the situation.

…Miku does not hate me, then? I had assumed she might-given the recent events, I haven’t had the time to apologize, and so that was a bit up in the air, ahaha…Hopefully the two of us are able to build a rapport of sorts even with a rocky beginning.

Do me a favor, though? Do not compare me to Junpei again. It is not my place to discuss his history, but given what it is, I cannot even feign solidarity towards him, nor will I pretend to understand why he is rallied behind so. If he is angry at me for his own, more personal hang-ups, rather than my open condemnation of non-dragon-related exploits, so be it-it is not my place to tend to that. Neither is it his to mend the bonds I’ve done such a fine job sullying within Phoenix. To each of us our own business-and may we not have to speak, lest it rise the tension further.

Ahaha, I’ve said quite too much though, haven’t I? There’s no need to worry-well, I suppose there is, but your fear of recent threats is both quite rational and newly unwarranted. We will see how these strangers will try throwing harmful substances as you now, with their arms bound…or their body paralyzed, or put to sleep, or given a severe curse that rebounds any damage done to you back at them. Maybe not that last one, actually…better for it to simply not hit at all. Whichever spell you prefer, it is at your disposal. And, of course, should anything land, Arcanists have some…rudimentary healing magic, complete with a simple revival spell. It should be unnecessary, of course, but it has been able to keep my guild afloat even with no medic or war magi to tend to them in the Labyrinths.

…It’s a shame there’s so few willing to stand for the innocent. No wonder there are those who even feel comfortable flaunting their injustices…

survivalistjunpei

Since the threat of the Deep Ones has been dealt with in Armoroad, at least for the time being, the Yggdroids have more freedom now. So it won’t be any trouble for Sigma to come here; King Seyfried said so himself! And this Yggdroid was once a member of Akane’s guild, so she’s already been authorized in the ways that she needs to be, for the most part…

I thank you for your offer, Lepido, but the others may become…incensed at having your presence near them often. Not Miku, like I said she doesn’t hate you… But some others…

Besides, I overheard Xiang introducing Sigma to someone as I walked past earlier, so she should be at my side shortly! ((He smiles brightly.))

But… Um… I don’t know what the power of Fafnir is… ((He really does seem clueless; perhaps this isn’t something that’s common knowledge even among Phoenix’s members?))

…Oh! Is that the ritual with the Caledonian knight? I remember meeting such a knight long ago—

Uh!! F-forget I said that, if you will. It must be me g-getting dreams confused with memories… The last such ritual was a century ago! And as far as I know, that knight died in the temple in High Lagaard, yes? The ritual has ended, so the cycle of the Fafnir is broken, to the best of my knowledge… So how would Sir Bertrand have gotten such a power? It makes no sense to me…

((Florentin clears his throat, looking rather unnerved, and continues.))

I’m sorry to have made you angry… I don’t mean to justify Junpei’s cruel words to you, or to say that it’s only an understanding of raw and hurtful anger that fuels his anger towards you. He’s definitely mad about the incident that put Havardr in the hospital first and foremost; he’s very protective of us all. I– I probably spoke out of turn. I don’t know much myself about his past…

I… It is indeed sad that there are few willing to stand up for the innocent… I’m glad I happened to join such a just guild… Lis, Bertrand, and everyone else… They’re all very kind and honorable. Some of them, now, I would even consider dear friends.

gardenofscaledwings

…That may be true. I could cause issues simply by being here. But considering current events, with Lis and the others occupied, there should be no issue with remaining on guard until news of Harvardr’s good health comes to us. The news WILL be good-I am certain of that.

Then again, I’d also not wish to interfere with Sigma’s duties, should I pose an issue…An Yggdroid seems a more capable protector than even other protectors, at times, and, well…I honestly never even considered that branch as a subclass. I am more about preventing actions before they even begin. I wonder what sort of things Sigma has programmed into her…

…It is not the cruelty Junpei committed ‘gainst me-‘tis nothing at all compared to his other crimes. Sometimes I wonder if that man should even be alive because of them…but only the gods can forgive him for this sin. I do not think I could ever even consider it.

Then again, that in itself is too much to say, when you admit not to know them, ahaha…Still, is it not important to know who you work with?

I’m sure it must be…uncomfortable, to hear me speak of your leader so, but such is the bare truth, and the moment I restrict it, every word I say then comes under scrutiny.

…If he is protective of the guild and keeps its members relatively safe, all should be well within it. That is what matters, yes? Once things expand beyond its comfortable insides, things might change, especially should he deign to repeat those mistakes…but for now, all is…

I don’t necessarily want to say “well,” but I suppose that is the truth, for the time-being.

And, of course, a guild is not its leader alone. Lis and Miku, from what little I’ve known of them, are both noble souls, and from what you’ve told me of Bertrand, Xiang, and Sigma, they also feel that most precious of drives-a duty to see the innocent secure. Furthermore, I’ve met briefly with Harlan, Annette, and Flemming, and all have noble hearts inside and out. It seems a good guild…at the very least, friends are an important thing to have. Even the most solitary species has some sort of rudimentary bonding instinct, and in one as social as us, the need to fulfill that instinct is great. It is good that Phoenix has given you the means to do so.

If Sigma shall be with us soon, would all be well with you if I allowed myself an introduction? I am assuming my leave should be taken shortly after, and I would hate to be rude towards her.

survivalistjunpei

Yes… I am certain that it will too. Those doctors are very capable, after all. And Junpei speaks so highly of Lynus…

I do know that Sigma was once an astronomer in the Deep City, and that she is also combat-trained, but that is the extent of my knowledge on her.

…It’s fine if you don’t like Junpei. I know he can be unpleasant, and I have a feeling that there are things in his past that I have no clue about. Things that you may know about. I’m not going to treat him any differently based on rumors and half-understood facts, though; that would simply be hypocritical of me!

I do know, however, that he has told us that his primary concern is protecting us and everyone else, and he won’t stop for any authority to do so. He says mistakes in his past came from following authority, and always tells us to be wary of it… And he said that even rebelling in secret still doesn’t keep your hands clean of authority’s crimes.

I… ((Florentin pauses, his mouth opening and closing as though he wants to say something but has no words to do so. Finally, he shakes his head.)) It’s really not my place to discuss such things, now is it?

In any case, I’m grateful for all of my noble and kind friends here in Phoenix: Junpei, Lis, Bertrand, Xiang… All of them.

Hello? You are Florentin, yes?

((Florentin turns around to face the young woman behind him. She’s wearing a long, dark purple cloak with glittering golden dots, not unlike the night sky full of stars. But he can tell from her unnaturally white and shiny skin, and the strange apparatuses over where her ears would be, that she is an Yggdroid.))

Oh! Indeed I am! You’re Sigma, yes? My new bodyguard? ‘Tis a pleasure to meet you.

((He reaches out and takes the hand that Sigma has extended, and shakes it with a smile.))

Ah, yes, this young man wished to introduce himself to you. ((He gestures to Lepido.))

Lepido, this is Sigma, as I’m sure you gathered.

gardenofscaledwings

Greetings, Sigma. I am Lepido-not a part of Phoenix by any means, but here to keep Florentin some company and hopefully keep some misfits away from him. I do not wish to intrude upon this guild or your task at hand if my presence is unwanted, but I felt it within my duty to attend to this particular brand of injustice.

An astronomer Yggdroid…Yggdrasil must put high value in your class, to create so many. We are honored to have you here, and that the Great Tree would deign it so.

Lepido bows slightly, and his smile is soft and genuine. When he extends his hand to take Sigma’s, it is with precise, almost practiced movements.

This guild is lucky to have you. Florentin has given it a glowing review; may it be to your liking. And…

Florentin. About what you said earlier…I am loathe to agree. ‘Tis always best to hear the truth straight from the source. Even given my qualms about Junpei, ‘tis not-and it will never be-my place to lecture or babble on at length on what little I’ve been told. I…cannot pretend I like that he is even in the picture, but I am glad you found a capable guild.

Ah, not that such talk will interest Sigma much!

survivalistjunpei

Thank you for your assistance, Lepido. It is much appreciated. I was just introducing myself to Piper and the Pasaran, if you know of them, so it is good that someone could help Florentin in my absence.

Indeed He does. Yggdroid can be used as a term for solely the combat-oriented of us, but humans commonly use it as a term for all of us. Of course, that is most likely because for one hundred years, we were isolated in the Deep City, and had no need to differentiate between us and organic beings, besides the Deep Ones.

In short, in the Deep City, we are all Yggdroids, at least with how outsiders speak of us. Therefore, it makes sense that Yggdrasil would place great value in our kind.

…Ah, that’s right, Vessels worship the Yggdrasil trees, do they not? As Armoroad’s trade routes have slowly reopened, I have had the opportunity to learn more about the various races scattered throughout the world, which was necessary as more explorers flocked to Armoroad in the peace following the extermination of the Deep Ones. Although our Great Tree is of a different stock than the others, it is good to see people who respect such a sentient being.

I am glad to hear that others speak highly of Guild Phoenix. When Akane wrote to me last, she spoke highly of everyone within its ranks as well.

Indeed, Sigma! I think you’ll quite enjoy it here in Maginia with our guild.

I’m glad we could reach an accord, Lepido, if not an outright agreement. And you’re quite right, in that this probably isn’t the best topic to continue speaking about…

Ah, yes, Lepido, you referred to me as an astronomer. I can infer, then, that Florentin told you about my previous occupation, then.

Ah! I did indeed.

King Seyfried spoke with Yggdrasil fairly often, in the Abyssal Shrine; he was the mouthpiece for its revelations and commands. Yggdrasil has spoken with him many times about the black, starry ocean that He came from— the heavens.

King Seyfried wishes to go there someday, now that the threat of the Deep Ones and their grotesque Progenitor has been handily dealt with, and did even prior to contact with Armoroad. Thus, that is why the team of astronomers was assembled. We not only understand the stars, but how to engineer various machines as well.

It was actually fairly uncommon for us to have any sort of combat capabilities, but mine, as well as my close relationship with King Seyfried, were why I was ultimately sent to aid Guild Ragnarok after Macario’s untimely demise.

Perhaps some time when I am demonstrating my skills and knowledge to the Pasaran, you can join us, Lepido. Akane did tell me that your relationship with her guild is rocky, but I do not think they would object to me spending time with the Pasaran, even if you did happen to join us by chance.

((Florentin chuckles under his breath.))

I wouldn’t have taken an Yggdroid to be capable of deception!

Oh, my programming doesn’t allow for deceptive speech or behavior, at least according to my databanks. I speak only the truth.

((Florentin chuckles again.))

#etrian odyssey #eo #etrian odyssey nexus #eox #eon #roleplay #rp #guild phoenix #florentin #sigma #//hehe either sigma doesn't realize she can be deceptive #//or she does and she's evolved past her programming so to speak #//either way she knows it's not a good idea to outright seek lepido's company #//but does want to speak with him more since she's seen his less hateful side #//and ONLY that hdhjdhjdhjdhjd

I'm pretty sure she's a troubador yggdroid.

I see. Perhaps I’ll meet her someday.

Sigma, do you know Hatsune Miku?

I am afraid not. Was she someone who lived in Armoroad prior to the Calamity?