Tumblr Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains II

This is the thirtieth season of Tumblr Survivor and is being hosted by: Ryan Teddy Mandy Silva & Teddy Jonas.

[survivorhvv2]

FAN & HOST FAVORITES & PLAYER OF THE SEASON REVEAL

Let’s get to it. We’re going to start off with the Host’s favorite awards.

MANDY’S FAVS:

MAMA E

JENN

RYAN’S FAVS:

JENNA

SHELBY

BRIDGET

TEDDY’S FAVS: 

PAT

SHELBY

JENN (A) I broke the rules and chose four, whoops.

Now onto to the Fan Favourite Award. Before we announce the winner and reveal the top three vote getters we just want to say that the vote was extremely close which speaks for how strong this season’s cast was. 

The top three vote getters were Amelia, Pat, and Matt. But the contestant with the most amount of votes was....

PAT! Congratulations! You won over the viewer’s hearts. 

And now onto the Player of the Season award. Us hosts went back and forth on who should receive this award and once again, it was a close race so we decided to award two castaways the award. The winners of this award are....

Pat and Jenna!

Pat- After being blindsided in his last two games, Pat had a lot to prove. He started out on the victorious Bondoso tribe and was able to form strong bonds while avoiding Tribal council through the early rounds. He was instrumental in many pre merge challenges by coming up with winning strategies to outsmart the competition. Whether it be by creating a macro, using his creativity to edit his tribes music video, or his in depth knowledge of Survivor trivia.

He was involved in finding all three idols that were discovered in the game and at one time, held two of them. He also won three Individual Immunity challenges in a row and was just one more win away from possibly winning the entire game. Pat was arguably the game’s most well rounded competitor and was a force to be reckoned with.

Jenna- Jenna came into the season not knowing many people, but that didn’t stop her from forming tight bonds with others and getting them to trust her. She only went to two Tribal Councils pre merge and was this season’s dark horse. She was able to situate herself in between two alliances with both of them knowing about it and fed them bits and pieces of what she wanted them to know. She was instrumental in getting herself and her closest ally, Logan, to the finals and in a crazy season with numerous twists and turns, she never had a single vote cast against her. Jenna is not only deserving of the Player of the Season award, but she’s one hell of a winner overall.

Thanks to the cast once again for an amazing season!

[survivorhvv2]

EPISODE 16 "GODDAMN, IT’S NICE TO BE IN A SEAT OF POWER.” (FINALE) - PATRICK

I've been giving a lot of thought to the final four and beyond this morning. Usually, I make a conscious effort to think a few moves ahead, but not TOO far ahead. Now, with my F3 appearance likely hinging on an immunity win at F3, I think I'm in a comfortable enough position that I can start thinking about the end game. Right now, I think I can win over anyone except maybe Amelia. They're too damn likeable, haven't upset anyone and, although they haven't made any "big moves," they set themselves up pretty nicely and haven't even received a single vote against them. (EDIT: I just realized Matt voted against them last round. God bless you, Matt.) Amelia's played a damn solid game and that could be a problem. Jenn could have a good argument, too. I don't think the early game vote-out will resonate much with the jury. It feels like a lifetime ago, she wasn't out of the game for super long, and she struck at Hector to create the first real power swing in the game. Plus, she's bounced back time and time again after losing allies. A carefully crafted narrative could win it for her. Jenna, obviously, has played a fantastic under-the-radarish game, getting people to trust her before pulling the trigger. I feel like that might cost her Jess' vote, but beyond that I'm just not sure. We've played similar games, playing both sides as best we can, but where mine pulls ahead is the comp wins and idol finds. Logan, I hate to say it, probably isn't winning this game. IMO, he's been TOO under the radar. I could be WOEFULLY mistaken, and will likely have some egg on my face when these get released. But for my money, his game hasn't really resonated much? His deception has been fairly transparent to me, and his connections don't have him as firmly plugged in as I'd like to think he thinks he is. Matt can't win the game at this point. He got voted out, came back through no doing of his own, and hasn't been dominant enough in any aspect. The narrative of being someone who fought and rallied against adversity seems to have written its final chapter after he was voted out. That leaves me. From a purely subjective third person perspective, I think I've played a solid game. I've been plugged in on every single vote since the first swap, except the Héctor blindside. I don't know that anyone else can claim the same (except maybe Jenna?) I've won two crucial competitions. I've found two idols and put in the legwork for the third, which I think Jess would agree would've been infinitely harder to find without my influence. And then I plotted with Jenna to flush that idol, just to ensure it couldn't be used against us. And although I wouldn't have chosen to take Jess out when Jenna did, allowing her to do so put all the blood on her hands, none on mine, and let me keep working both sides. I could have stopped it — remember, I had both idols at the time. But I chose not to. It made more sense for my game to let it happen than it did to actively step in. Even if Matt would've finally gone. I can — and hope I get the chance to — rationalize every single move I've made, from the start of the game until now. And the only one that feels shallow or weak, to me, is the first Daniel vote. And even then, he was a villain on a tribe where we could avoid shit hitting the fan by voting him out. Little did I know he'd win on RI, eh? A quick breakdown on the jurors so fa: JOHNNY: (wow he made jury?) Don't know him at all. Wasn't on the same tribe at any time. Impossible to tell. DOM: I think he'd vote for me in the right circumstances, depending on what he's been told in jury. BRIDGET: I'd hope she'd recognize the strategic merits in getting her — a player who had already demonstrated their willingness to be cutthroat — out. DANIEL: Possible? If he's voting based on game, there's a shot I'd get it. If he votes personally, no chance. JESS: I'd hope her vote is more or less locked up at this point. That leaves whichever of the other three that don't make it. That could (gulp) include me. In my ideal world, I'm sitting next to Logan and either Matt (for the easy win and Jenna's vote in jury) or Jenna (for the challenge, although it'd come at the expense of Matt who probably wouldn't vote for me.) And come to think of it, it could be fun to play Yul vs. Ozzy with Jenn, too. Really, just not Amelia. I can't beat them. This vote is looking like it'll be either Jenn or Matt. There are arguments to both but, while I'd much prefer to see Matt go, I think the momentum is carrying toward Jenn, to the point where the only way to save her would be with the idol. And I think we can all understand why I'd rather keep that for myself. Survivor is a game of self-interest, first and foremost. I'd almost want Jenn to find this idol ASAP. But practically, I'm not sure how feasible that is. It's an uber-tricky idol — probably moreso than the first three — because there's no way of telling if any of us are on the right track. It could be anything. Unless we get another clue or something, I'd be stunned if this idol is found before F5 — which, frankly, is the way I like it. Less unknowns floating around means less opportunity to get sideswiped. Ugh. I'm still blown away at this. Final 4, at worst. I'll, at worst, be joining such other community icons as Logan from Olympics (and HvV! Hi Logan!), Hector from Kiwayu (and HvV! Hi Hector!), Gavin from Somalia (and HvV! Hi Gavin!), Lydia from Port Royal (and the runner-up of Riau! Hi Lydia!), Pris from Ireland (and the winner of Riau! Hi Pris!), Wes from Panama (and a host of Riau! Hi Wes!) and Katie from Tocantins and Cooks (and she runs a Tumblr Survivor store! Hi Katie!) Okay these shoutouts are getting long and obnoxious. Anyway, can't wait to either be in such awesome company or tell all you suckers I beat you. :~) (My hubris is gonna bite me in the ass.)

Also, I'm a goof. Amelia got three votes in Daniel's first vote-off too. WHATEVER STILL A HUGE SOCIAL THREAT.

so basically im screwed

okay. so. i called pat and i told him that matt wasn't actually voting for me and that we're planning to vote for jenna. he said that was "definitely good to know" and im just really hoping it will pay off - we also talked about the fact that this vote (for him) is probably gonna be largely based on how he can win the next immunity, since we all know if he loses he's out for sure. so. hopefully my utter incompetence in challenges is going to be a plus here. ugh i don't know, i guess it's all in pat's hands, which wouldn't be the case if it weren't for his damn idol. so here i go off to look for the other damn idol once again even though it's literally nowhere to be found. hhhhhhhhh.

First things first, Matt came to me before the vote and, in a super non-confrontational or aggressive way, said that I was probably hoping he wouldn't win immunity 'cause I wouldn't know who to vote. I didn't take it to mean anything (and even got a chuckle out of it) but all I could think was this: http://i.imgur.com/qzJWqOE.gifv

Okay so once again this is gonna be a game of trust. Amelias gonna vote me. That much I know. Pat claims he's playing his idol on me but he's also saying he's going along with Amelias plan to idol Matt. Then Pat said that Matt is gonna be voting for me, but Matt said he'd never vote for me. Pat wants me and Logan to vote Matt with him and then he idols me and Matt goes. Me and Logan also have our Advantages, which how we use them is gonna come down to who we trust to do what. The only thing i'm worried about is Pat playing the idol on Matt. It's a small worry I'm not gonna lie, but it's there. In that case we could either place a vote on Amelia and nullify their vote, or just have me and Logan both vote Amelia and use our things and not tell Pat incase it is a bluff. I really don't think Matt would vote for me though. Which is what I'm mainly worried about. I would rather have Matt here in the final 4 than Amelia and I really doubt Pat would play his idol on Amelia anyway. Then again Amelias easier to beat at immunity and I really do wanna go to ftc with Logan and Pat (especially if Pat plays his idol on me). But how can I do that to Matt? And what if it's all a lie? And what if Amelia wins final immunity? I am very worried about everything and everyone and everyone still sucks but Logan and i'm not sure what I should be doing. I think if Matt goes i'd probably be losing the game no matter what. But if Amelia goes i'd probably have a really good chance at winning it. But if Matt wins final immunity.... God ugh never mind  tbh any choice sucks and I think i'm screwed anyway so, yeah, it's gonna come down to the game of trust, which is always a hard game to play with Matt involved. 

Note: Right now, I'm leaning toward saving Jenna and getting Matt out. If you can't even trust me with your full story at F5 when I'm immune and you need my help, it speaks to a much bigger problem.Plus, not sure I'm comfortable with a F4 of Amelia, Matt and a pissed off Logan.

Good morning. My mind's in full-on Survivor mode today and, rather than look up spoilers for tonight's episode (WHY IS IT NOT 8 O'CLOCK YET?!) I figured I'd share a bit of my thinking going in here. It'll be interesting to see how close I was when all is said and done. So, my list of pros and cons for bringing each person to the next round and F3: Jenna Pros: — loyal ally, might tie F4 vote if I lose immunity — my best shot at making the end without immunity — probably not getting many votes (which is robbery, but still good for me) Cons: — good game, might be tough to beat — if not now, booting her later could be a problem — good competitor Can I beat her? YES. Amelia: Pros: — Not a super effective comp player (important in F4 FIC) — Offers an alternative I can push to boot in F4 if I lose Cons: — has jury +/- locked up; impossible to beat — Will be gunning for me next round (but won’t everybody?) Can I beat them? NO. Matt: Pros: — A vote against me not on jury — Easiest to beat, not that that's saying a ton (see cons) Cons: — Helping him almost definitely loses me Jess’ vote (+others?) Perception becomes reality. — Still doesn't trust me enough to tell me full plan — Biggest threat for FIC; won’t win game but could take me out easiest — Had enough of his emotional manipulation. — Will have a reasonable argument that he overcame a ton of adversity, should he make it. Should get the underdog vote, even if he can't realistically win. Can I beat him? YES. Logan: Pros: — ally — still think he’s loyal? but will cut me when he can — Logan’s game couldn’t realistically get him enough votes to win, could it? — Logan/me at the end, plus Bran and Miranda winning, plus the six other winners in Olympics, cements that cast as one of the best ever? Cons: — has two jury votes locked up? (bridget, gavin. possibly daniel? maybe matt?) — could easily get to the end with 0 votes against Can I beat him? IF JURY'S VOTING ON GAMEPLAY. So what I'm picking up on from this exercise is that I have far more reason to boot Matt than anyone, even if my odds of winning his jury vote are remote. There would be a temptation to boot Jenna. I think she'll do better than she thinks she will, but I feel like every move she's made, I was aware of at least and had a say in at best. Plus, I've got two things she doesn't: the immunities and the fact that I found two idols. Even she doesn't know I was the one who found Jenn's idol. Shows I wasn't just playing her game and going along with everything. Also, lots of question marks in Logan's writeup. The truth is, although I've been exceptionally well-armed on an informational front, Logan had more opportunity to make bonds with Gavin, and didn't really spearhead any voteoffs that would cause sour feelings. But he also didn't really spearhead any voteoffs? And the immunity is a nice resume padder, but I feel like gameplay-wise, I have a definite advantage over him. My best chance might feasibly be Jenna and Logan, hoping the jury takes gameplay more into account and any bitterness doesn't factor in. I'd hope it wouldn't. But, if personal feelings come into play, here's how I see the votes breaking down: Jury based on personal thoughts, not game: Bridget: Amelia/Logan if there. Maybe me if not? Daniel: Logan if there? He’s gonna be tough to convince. Dom: Could probably get Dom. Gavin: Logan/Amelia if they’re there. If not… Jenna? Jenn: Me unless I do something stupid. Jess: Me unless I do something stupid. Johnny: Toss up. Has not played with any heroes, and probably wouldn’t vote Matt. (Amelia:) Logan if there. Matt if not? (Matt:) Not me. Still can’t differentiate game from personal (Logan:) Amelia/Jenna. Maybe me? But probably not. (Jenna:) Depending on circumstances, me. If I don’t protect her this round, vote lost. This round needs to end so I can stop getting wrapped up in possibilities and focus on Rites (and, eventually, the FIC.) But the day's still far from over. I suspect I'll be hearing a lot from Matt and Amelia. And while I feel like it wouldn't be beneficial to lie to them, there's also the added bit about them re-doubling their efforts to find an idol if I do spill too soon. It's a balancing act. Everything is a balancing act. I just hope this vote is the one that FINALLY tips Matt's scale firmly toward the jury.

so here's the lowdown / the 411 / what's crackin: as far as i know, everything comes down to whether pat thinks he has a better chance against matt or jenna in the final immunity challenge. jenna and logan are voting for matt, and i'm assuming that jenna will use her extra vote on matt and logan will #cancel matt's vote. so that leaves me and pat. if pat decides he wants to keep matt, he can give matt his idol and vote for jenna and get her out. now, i *was* going to just vote for jenna no matter what and hope it works. but i've realized that's dumb. so more realistically, unless pat tells me 100% that he wants to vote for jenna, i'm probably going to vote for matt since if pat doesn't save him he goes anyway and the last thing i need going into final 4 is being there with someone whom i unsuccessfully tried to blindside. so. if pat *does* vote jenna, then she goes and the only thing remaining is for me to win final immunity. [smiles nervously] look the thing is i know if i get to the final four and pat wins that challenge, i'm gone. nothing in the world is going to convince him that i'm not his biggest threat to win. and in that case, if i do get voted out and it's like pat, logan, and matt in the final three, well, that majorly sucks. i'd probably vote for matt though. anyways, so.....so much depends on pat right now, which i hate, but i'm keeping up my strategy of telling my enemies what's going on and keeping my allies in the dark. iconic? messy? stupid? i dunno. we will see. one final note: i'm very proud of myself for not getting ultra emotionally involved in / attached to this season. like, of course i want to make it to the end and of course i want to win, but if i don't - if i get voted out tonight or at final four or even if i'm a third place flop with zero votes - it won't be the Total End Of The World like it was with m*chu picchu. because i'm proud of myself for what i've done, and i've had fun with this season, and i haven't let it take over my life. my brain knows it's a game, and it's just for fun, and i really *have* made friends even though i didn't come here to make them. so i'm gonna be okay, and i'm gonna be proud of myself for getting this far, however far that ends up being. also i'm keeping a close eye on logan and especially jenna just to make sure they're not going to try anything suspicious, and if i see any sign that i have something to worry about i'm ready to launch up the old Operation Fake Idol for insurance. (:

https://youtu.be/v7sk7cXDQ_Y

God help me, I think I'm considering whether to make a deal with the devil and trust Matt Summers. In the final five. If this works, and I can trust him, I've just sealed my spot in the final three. If it doesn't, and I can't... well, thank god Jenna's on my side. We probably go to a firemaking challenge. And if Jenna burns me too, then... I'm fucked. This is the most intense voting session so far. My head hurts. I'm genuinely fearful for my game, and I'm not even vulnerable tonight. The other four must be on edge like crazy.

:( (Gonna get a lot of rest tonight because I get the feeling an endurance comp is coming. And a "who said this on the jury" thing too.)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CX6enXy5YXQ Warning: This is the product of emotional and physical exhaustion

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1Rd5lklIBAf Pardon the change in format — the video and audio got out of sync and it was very distracting. Have a pure audio file instead.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VtGqsX6u-sY

Written confessional this time. Feeling pretty low energy and my laptop's in my bag anyway. So... I'm very obviously super bummed out that I flopped so epically on that maze. I tried so damn hard on that sucker. SO damn hard. I spent the full hour and a half working on it. Not talking to anyone, not multitasking, not even any music or TV playing in the background. It was just me and the maze. And the bottom line is, I couldn't get it done. I can't dwell on it, though. There's just no time for that. If I spend the next 24 hours playing what-ifs and being a sadsack, I'm going to lose. And I'm going to deserve it. So, instead I'll be working my damndest to get the four in every other category. I did the math — if I get 4s in every category and a 1 in the maze, that leaves me with 13 points. So if someone else sweeps the 3s and gets a 4 in the maze, that's a tie. That's the best anyone can do if I win the other three categories. So, that's what I'm gonna do. I talked about potatoes last night, and I made them my bitch today.  Cleared 200 — and even made 30 on the high scores table! — but I'm going to keep trying. I know I've probably got this sewn up, but now is easily the worst time to get complacent. The slide puzzle is coming along, too. I got exceptionally lucky with the configuration of one puzzle earlier — 1 and 2 were already in the correct spaces, 3 and 4 were essentially three clicks away from being locked in. So I'm hovering in the mid-30s, which is going to be an uber hard spot for me to best. Slide puzzles are not my forte at all. I'll keep trying and, who knows, luck of the draw might kick in again? But I think that's about as good as it's getting. The maze... we won't be discussing that ever, Except to show you my final submission, sent with only a few minutes left in the hour-and-a-half limit, and only after erasing one of the one-way arrows: http://i.imgur.com/dCS7vTx.jpg (And the file's name, incidentally, is maze-pat-fuck-everything.png.) So that leaves the endurance comp. I figured it all out: I don't have to do anything until 6-ish tomorrow. And I need this, badly. So I'm going to bed early — like, as soon as this is sent in. I'm waking up early, having some coffee, then going to town on this sucker. And I plan on going as long as I possibly can before I have to do something else. For me, this game really just became a case of "How bad do you want it?" And I want it. I want it badly.

You know, one day I will actually do a video confessional like I say I am gonna do, but today is not that day. I really don't think I have a chance at winning this challenge. My schedules really unfortunate with it right now and I hate it but theres nothing I can to to change the fact that I kinda have half a day where the guys have 2 full days. The good thing is that everyones telling me their scores in things. So I can hopefully figure out who will get immunity even without knowing the maze score. The thing is, i don't know who I want to win. I would of course like to win. But yeah i don't know thats out. It's probably between Pat and Matt, and it should be because those are the ones who need it most. Realistically Matt should win. This way we can finally get out Pat and I would most likely have this game in the bag. BUT, ugh i don't know if thats possible for Matt to win and I really know I probably shouldn't just get rid of Pat and if he'd let me do that without a hell of a fucking fight. I'm also not convinced Pat wouldn't try to go for me, especially if he has immunity. He wants to win. He wants that more than life itself and I think he knows that I'm the only person that has an even remote chance at beating him. Before Amelia went they told me Pat would want me out. I don't know if this is from something he said to them or a speculation but I have to take it into consideration. BUT I also have Matt telling me he will never write my name down and I really do feel confident in my bond with Logan that no matter what we're voting together. I don't wanna lie to Matt. I don't wanna cut Pat. But there is no way in hell i'm letting Logan leave. The thing with Matt is that he's been kinda pissing me off just with his ROP. He obviously thinks he has done all of these things that had nothing to do with him. He had zero hand in Gavin going. Amelia leaving and him staying did have a lot to do with me because I really thought Amelia was writing my name down so I convinced Pat to switch. I know that it's good for me that he's so delusional but I hate it cause ugh i don't know he's taking credit for things he didn't do and if the jury believes him... Oh well. I really do love Matt and Pat. They both get on my nerve sometimes game wise, but they're great people and had I maybe been working with them longer it would be different, but that's just the way it is. And they also could be lying to me so who knows. The thing i'm worried about is that I've always been weary of Pat. I know I have. And he's always juussttt been beating me in all these comps lately and I don't want that to predict how this game will end. We will see. It's still a lot of trust, and my whole game could easily come crumbling down by trusting the wrong person with the wrong thing, so no matter what the race to the end is not even close to being over yet. 

[7:35:00 AM] Pat: I’M STILL CHUGGING ALONG. [7:40:00 AM] Pat: I’M STILL CHUGGING ALONG. [7:45:00 AM] Pat: I’M STILL CHUGGING ALONG. [7:47:59 AM] Pat: I’M STILL CHUGGING ALONG. Of all the comps, I pick now to flop? Goddamn useless, overrated, fucked up, gutless, miserable lousy excuse of a choker. I woke up extra early on a Saturday so I could go all day, and I couldn't even last an hour. I knew I needed this. And I didn't get it done. I suck.

[11/21/15, 11:13:57 AM] Pat: If push comes to shove, are you still good with forcing a tie? [11/21/15, 11:14:44 AM] Jenna: Yeah [11/21/15, 11:16:03 AM] Pat: hey — I haven't said this much during the game, but I appreciate the hell out of you having my back. We've made a pretty kickass team. [11/19/15, 7:29:52 PM] Matt Summers: Also no matter what [11/19/15, 7:30:01 PM] Matt Summers: I'm not writing your name down [11/19/15, 7:30:12 PM] Matt Summers: I meant it when I said I wanted to go the end with you [11/19/15, 7:30:19 PM] Jenna: Yeah same [11/19/15, 7:30:22 PM] Matt Summers: Even if pat wins immunity I refuse to vote you out [11/19/15, 7:52:33 PM] Jenna: there's no way I'm voting you [11/19/15, 7:53:24 PM] Hogan: Let's try the challenges tonight and try to get the best that we can for now [11/19/15, 7:53:58 PM] Hogan: I am NOT having Pat win :) Screams What the fuck are you doing Jenna. I honestly don't think I can let any of these guys down. No matter what i'm with Logan. The others.... i just don't know. I'd rather vote Matt at this point just because i've been with him longer and... i don't know... I want this ftc to be a fight. Me, Pat, and Logan WOULD fight it out you know. Even if I don't win. But I don't think Pat CAN win this immunity. God I hope i'm wrong. Because it's either him or Matt because of my schedule. So. Yeah i don't know. I'm an asshole. It's whatever. Maybe I can still win if I vote out someone, maybe I can't. If my questions are bitter and suck i'm gonna put all of my energy into getting Logan to win. FUck I hope Pat wins this immunity. 

I. AM. PUMPED. I just won the final immunity of the season, and not even just a little bit. I won each individual category and I couldn't be happier. I'm shocked that Pat didn't do very well. I felt like he would hunker down and work nonstop on all of it, and the fact that I was able to beat him at everything is insane. I've had so much fun working on this challenge, and I think it also really showed the jury how badly I want to win this game. It's obvious that I put the most effort into winning that, and hopefully the jury will notice and respect that. Being in the final 3 is so surreal to me. I've never even FATHOMED of making it this far, and after three seasons of fucking up and making mistakes and getting voted out, I finally have a chance to convince the jury why I deserve to win. Making it this far is such a blessing in itself but I don't want to settle for that. I've worked harder, took more risks, and overcame more adversity than anyone else here and I genuinely believe in the seat of my soul that I deserve to win this game. I know I've made my mistakes. I got voted out, I made a deal that I was never going to keep, and I constantly found myself on the bottom and on the outs. These things are going to be brought up by the jury, but it's my job to make them see the game how I saw it. Regardless on if I get the win or not, I'm so proud of myself for all I've accomplished. When I started this game I wanted to show that I could play an honest, loyal game, but throughout the events of the season I proved to myself that I don't have to just sit there and let people take advantage of me. If I'm not comfortable in my position, I do not have to sit there and let myself go down with a sinking ship. I constantly adapted, and I was constantly a target, and I've put so much energy into just staying alive in this game that it's unreal. But in the end, it's all worth it. I've made such great friends and i've had so much fun playing this game. Now, I just have to get ready to face the jury. Their perception of me is the only thing I have to worry about now. I'm very inexperienced when it comes to tribal councils, but I've been a juror three times in Tumblr Survivor, so I think I have a good grasp on how the jury operates. If I can just get 5 votes, I've won the game, and I really think I can pull it off. Fingers crossed!

What am I gonna tell Pat? Shit 

Well, I sucked at the Final Immunity Challenge. No shocker there. Even Jenna beat me with, like, half the time. What is shocking is that Matt won it. Everyone was expecting Pat to kill it, but I'm happy that he didn't. Pat may have had a messy game, but he has the best story and (I think) the most support on jury. He said it himself, he's the biggest threat left. It's best that he leaves. It is bittersweet because I do love him and know how much he wants this, but...yeah, I want this, too. And there's no way I'm voting for Jenna. The only way something can go awry is if Matt decides to vote with Pat, forcing a tie. I don't see that happening. So, I may be getting a little ahead of myself, but I may have just made the final 3!

My fate in the game, for now, is in Jenna's hands. Matt reneged on our deal from last week. He sent me a message last night, immediately after he won immunity, telling me. I'm not at all surprised — but it says a lot about a person when they make a deal then renege on it as soon as it's no longer convenient. If I go to jury, Matt doesn't stand a chance at my vote. Not even bitterness — that's just not good gameplay. It's one thing to socially maneuver around obstacles, another thing entirely to give your word and then break it. So, my game rests in Jenna's hands. I think Logan is probably in her ear, telling her all the reasons why I need to go now. But, she and I have been through thick and thin together. It would be a smart move to knock me out, but she's been telling me throughout this whole cycle that she was still up for tying it for me. So I would really hope she'd stick true to her word. Otherwise, she'll have been feeding me false hope when none was required, and that's pretty damn cruel. I wish I didn't have to vote Logan here. But... assuming I go here, in one shape or another, it's entirely my fault. Not only did I not get the challenge win, but I'm also more or less responsible for keeping Matt around. That was a big mistake, in hindsight. Ugh. I can't believe Matt beat me at Potato Counter. That's my jam. I'm tied for eighth on the damn high score list! Not that it would've mattered, I guess. If I go here, I've had a good run. But... even though the die is cast, the chips are down, the tiles have been Jenga'd and the Mouse Trap has been sprung, I'm not ready to go yet. Then again, is anyone?

I might actually be considering voting Logan. But i'm not really am I? God i don't know. Like, fuck. I just, I really want to fight in the end against Pat. I really really want to do that. But I fucking promised logan I'd never vote him and there's so many times he's had my back too. That was Pats argument "I could've idoled on the Jess or Jenn vote and screwed up your plans. I've had your back through all of this cause i've trusted you." And he's right. He has had my back. He has been such a good ally. But so has Logan. But i don't know if Logan can win. And Pat can. And like i'd rather Pat win than Matt. And I'd rather have it be a fair fight. How many times did I say I wanted this season to end so the winner wasn't obvious. But how many times have I said Logan is my number one. And that I didn't think I could vote Pat? I don't know What to do I hate this so much. How come every vote is like this. Like I honestly don't fucking care if I go home now cause then I wouldn't be the person voting against my friends, they would be. God damn it. 

This is the worst day.

Sigh. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42QoImdENPA

FINAL 3! FINAL 3! FINAL 3! I am SO excited! But, I know I have an uphill battle at Final Tribal Council. Matt seems to think I have no chance of winning, which is disheartening. I want to prove him wrong. I've played my heart out during this game. Hopefully I can argue my point well enough that the jury can see that and will want to vote for me. I'm nervous to see their questions. It's scary, because I know I'm under a microscope. Everyone's watching me, and it's stressful. Voting for Pat was a lot harder than I thought it'd be. We've had a whirlwind relationship during this game, but he truly is an amazing guy, and he fought hard. I mean, I have, too. I'm just sad. Anyways, enough of that. FINAL 3. BABY! I'm ecstatic.

:) I decided I'm gonna use my confessionals as to what I wish I could tell the jury. It's gonna be mean and bitchy cause I'm angry right now. So don't take it personally (just like you told me not to take your speeches personally) Alright, I'm not starting yet I need my arm and my cats on it. 

Honestly these jury questions suck. Not like, the questions are bad, but they hurt. Jess' hurt. And I knew it would but it sounds like she has so little regard for my game. I don't know what she expected me to do, just hand her the win? Just lay down and let her build a fire on my back? No. And I mean I get it, they're bitter, but it sucks. It sucks because of how upset I was personally over her vote off and how people still think I apparently did nothing? And I get it, that's how I needed to come across, but ugh it's frustrating because how can I convince people that I influenced them in a vote when my whole goal with that was making them think it was their choice. Whatever, apparently Logan and I did nothing and I'm a sociopath that eats the heads off little children and we didn't do anything right. Yet??? we're???? here???? Your games had flaws. Sorry. I saw what a game had to look like to get to the end of this season and they should at least get that. But they don't so. Whatever. I just want this to be over with.

(A confessional from the dead)

Hi guys I know the game is over but I think the viewers need to know that Jenna one. :)

[survivorhvv2]

EPISODE 15 “I’M BEMUSED RIGHT NOW” - PATRICK

okay. so. i called pat and i told him that matt wasn't actually voting for me and that we're planning to vote for jenna. he said that was "definitely good to know" and im just really hoping it will pay off - we also talked about the fact that this vote (for him) is probably gonna be largely based on how he can win the next immunity, since we all know if he loses he's out for sure. so. hopefully my utter incompetence in challenges is going to be a plus here. ugh i don't know, i guess it's all in pat's hands, which wouldn't be the case if it weren't for his damn idol. so here i go off to look for the other damn idol once again even though it's literally nowhere to be found. hhhhhhhhh.

Okay so I was told that I missed two episodes worth of stuff to talk about so here we go. I won't be able to talk about these votes in 50 words or less because that would be insane. It's a lot of stuff. So, Gavin got voted out, and that was neat times because it was unanimous and probably the last one of those that will ever happen, ever. I'm almost, like, hoping I get to the end of this game because I want to know what he'll ask. I'm fascinated by the way Gavin views the world. I just don't know. In the middle of this, I won three challenges and it was okay. I got these stupid clues and I gave them to Pat and Jessica because I thought it was a good idea to do this. I assumed that they'd tell me if they found it. Like a dickhead. And so then for the tribal after that, Jessica and Pat seemed, like, weirdly not panicky for a couple of people who might get voted out. And I dismissed this because I am, as I said before, a dickhead and I just didn't think anything of it. They told me that they were "pretty sure" Jenna would flip because they told her that Matt had a good chance of winning at the end (which???????? Why did I believe these things? What the fuck?). And at the same time, I'm talking to Jenna and she's saying stuff to me about not wanting to do this and not thinking that flipping is a good idea, and I dismissed this as well thinking that it had something to do with the fact that Jenna was talking to Jessica and maybe didn't know that the three of us (me, Jessica, Patrick) were working together. Dumb. Dumb dumb dumb. So then a few minutes before the votes are due, Jessica must have gotten a funny feeling about the vote because she messaged me and said that if she made it through the vote, she'd tell me a bunch of stuff but if she got voted out, to ask Pat about these things. Okay. So she predictably did get voted out, and I asked Pat. And oh man, guys. So Jessica, Pat, and Jenna were all in this alliance with a name so unspeakably dumb that I don't even want to write it out. They were with Hector before, which is why Jessica was in such a shitty mood about it him getting voted out. And they found both idols. And they thought I was close with Amelia and so they didn't trust me. And I fucked everything else up because I assumed, like a dickhead, that being friends with someone automatically meant that we'd work together in an online Survivor game. And I was so mad. Like, far more angry than any full-grown adult should be about Survivor on the Internet. Moreso at Jessica, because she came to me when Mario got voted out and was shitty to me about telling Amelia about who we were voting for, when I think it was probably them (Jessica and Patrick) who told Jenna, who told Bridget, who apparently knew for hours before the vote. But hey, cool to blame me. I don't mind. But Jessica wasn't around, and so I gave Pat shit about it for a little while. And so while all of this was happening, I was also looking for the stupid merge idol. Pat gave us this spreadsheet earlier in the day with all the possible combinations, and I'd been trying it, but it occurred to me pretty late in the night, after he "revealed" all these secrets, that it was odd that he only gave me possibilities that started with clues 1 and 3, and not 2. And so I just started trying random shit with the second clue at the start and I got into the blog to find that the idol was not there. Because OF COURSE NOT. Because Pat FOUND IT two days before that.   And so Pat got more shit from me, because when all the stuff happened the night before, he was like, "I fully have your back now and we're basically engaged, I am so down to work with you." So finding out that he lied yet again about another really important thing was not my favourite thing to have happen. But then he gave me the idol, and so I should have been happy but I was bombing around my apartment in a murderous rage, and then I had to go to work in that murderous rage. And, like, I kept asking him questions because I kept thinking of shit that I wanted to know and he would tell me, and I'd look at my phone and just get angry all over again. It was, probably, the least productive day of work ever put in at my company. So then yeah. I didn't win immunity and I kind of resolved that I was going to use my idol no matter what, and the next day Logan got into the blog too and it came out that the idol was gone, and so what I'd imagine happened was that everyone kind of assumed that I had it, which would have been actually hilarious if Pat hadn't given it to me and I was voted out because of it. But I had already decided to play it and Pat kept saying shit to me that made me more nervous (because of course), and so I wasted the only idol I'll ever have in my entire life. But we got Matt Summers out, hurray! But yes, so now. Hopefully Mario gets back in. This game kind of seems like his thing. So I hope that he gets back in, and I also hope that I win immunity because I was kind of a shithead in that last vote because I was trying to get these people to vote for me. AND THEY DIDN'T EVEN DO IT. GOD. CAN I HAVE MY IDOL BACK OR NO? FUCK. 

So, this might be the last confessional that I'll do. Despite being the dumb-dumb that I am, I'm aware that wasting that idol last time was a definite flub up and might have been the nail in my coffin constructed entirely of mistakes. Just be aware that as of this morning, November 16th, 2015, I am pretty sure that this is not going to end all that well. Also, just as an aside, why is it that someone has to get fucking removed for cheating every time I play one of these games? Why is this a thing that has to happen? We needed Mario. We DID. We needed him to come back in, and he definitely did need immunity, but there might have been ways to help him. He literally had to post ANYTHING and he would have beaten Matt. What. WHAT. WHAAAAAAT. Anyway, the things that are happening. I haven't found this idol, and I don't think I will because I am lacking in that part of my brain that would allow me to glean codes from videos. Shoot darn. And so my best bet is convincing these people (Amelia, Logan, Jenna) to vote Matt right back out. And they should. A have a feeling that some lying went on there before he got voted out. Amelia came to me and asked me if I'd been planning to blindside them with Matt. Matt said he wasn't "throwing names out there," and so I feel like this person wasn't me or Pat, because it would have only benefitted him in the long run to start brewing up some suspicion around us. It would help him out a lot, because Amelia told me that they wanted to just re-oust Matt. They could just be telling me what I want to hear, but I don't know. Plus there's the advantages that Logan and Jenna have, a vote doubler and a vote canceller, according to Pat. I feel like they're going to try and hang onto them until next round, but if they decide to play them this round, I'm screwed. Like, even if we do pull Amelia over, if Logan has any doubts whatsoever, he can just double his vote for me, and poof, Jenn's dead. So my best bet is to try and get Logan to see the merits of not killing me and try to find that idol/wait for Pat to figure it out, as per the story of my life. Also, let the record show that if Pat found that other idol and he doesn't tell me that he found it, I'll kill him. If you're reading this in the future, Pat, if I find out that this happened, I'm Coming For You.

Okay I promise i'll make a video confessional tomorrow about Matt coming back but I just wanted to say I am so curios to see if I really am all these peoples "number 1s" when I read their confessionals. And this isn't like some mean "oh I'm so great thing" this is me being like "I literally have no idea if they're telling the truth or not." Anyway, I am going to die from having to vote out at least 2 of my supposed "number 1s" and thats why I hope they think they're playing me, because I'm selfish and don't wanna be the asshole who turned on all these supposed ride or dies. Whatever. I don't know how to get out of this situation so i'm just gonna ride the wave of whatever happens and not fight things too hard and see where I end up. Also i'm gonna look for this idol like my life depends on it because I know thats what Jenn is doing and I CANNOT have her get saved again.  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bLwSH1kAqgw&feature=youtu.be

Now that I have some time I can finally do a confessional! The round I was voted out was pretty hectic. Pat won immunity, and I knew deep down that Jenn probably had that idol so I went into panic mode. It made sense for them to want me gone; I was busy with the play and wouldn't have time to compete in RI, giving Mario a better chance at winning his way back in which would benefit them. So, I used my connection to Jenna in an attempt to blindside Amelia instead to spare my life. However, Jenna didn't use her double vote, and I was sent out of the game in a 4-1-0 vote. I knew my odds of beating Mario were slim, particularly in a flash game when I was literally not going to be home all weekend. However, Redemption Island was hell for me. I got so many flashbacks to Adversaries as Mario told me off and tried to make me feel bad for the moves I made in this game, and I let it affect me. I was wondering why any of this was worth it if I was going to lose all respect people had for me, and I was fine with not coming back into the game. I was at the point where once this game was over, I was just going to stop logging on. It was a very low point for me, but then fate struck and I was given a second chance in the game. When I came back Jenna immediately came to me and we talked for an hour. She explained what happened with the vote and how she wished she tried harder to save me, and I realized that everything Mario said wasn't true. Maybe I did get voted out by my allies, but I was given another chance to right those wrongs and survive in identical circumstances. So, I immediately got to work. Jenna and I looked for that idol for AGES and we still haven't been able to crack into it. However, in the meantime I hatched a plan. If Logan nullified a vote and Jenna cast an extra vote, we would have enough votes to split it between Jenn and Amelia. If Jenn played her idol, we would vote out Amelia in the revote because they're the biggest threat in the game. Jenna was completely on board, but Logan wasn't having it. Jenna and I considered voting Amelia regardless, but nothing about the situation felt right to me. I've come to the realization that I'm sick and tired of playing this game like a coward. I spend so much time and energy scrambling to protect myself and throwing those closest to me under the bus and it's exhausting and it makes me feel like absolute shit. I came back into this game for a reason, and I think my reason is to own the fuck up to all the shady shit I've done this game out of fear and to make it right. I told Amelia about my plan and I'm just being as honest as I can with everyone. I know Pat and Jenn are voting me, so if Jenn plays an idol I'm going home for good. But this time, it's different. This time, I'm going home because I had my friend's back, and I'm fine with that. My heart is telling me to vote for Jenn, and my heart hasn't failed me yet in this game. I just have to follow my gut and hope for the best.

[survivorhvv2]

EPISODE 14 “I WANT JENNA TO MURDER ME, SHE’S SUCH AN ICON” - AMELIA

okay so it's time to do some thinking out loud. FIRST OF ALL THOUGH can you believe i made final 6 again!!! w h e w i'm so relieved. i mean okay technically it's like final 7 with redemption island but whatever okay just let me have my moment :') now if i can just not get 6th again i will be happy. so right now, it's me and jenna and logan and matt versus jenn and pat. which is good in theory, but practically speaking things aren't going to be that easy. because of the shit that just happened with matt, i think jenna wants him gone next round. and i do agree that matt has to go sooner rather than later. however, i think we still need to get out pat or jenn next time because when mario (or jess i guess) comes back from redemption island, we're gonna be forced a step backwards and at this point we *cannot* afford to have three villains in the game. like, at all. so ideally, we get jenn or pat next time & then focus on taking out matt. well, okay. more ideally.....i'd like to get pat out next time. which would mean one of the four of us getting immunity, because if jenn wins again, pat's gonna somehow play an idol, i'm sure of it, and that sends one of us home. i guess in that case we'd have to vote matt out. the reason i want pat out and not jenn is because jenn is all physical competition and (at least as far as i've seen) nothing else. she doesn't have a strong social game, and the moves she's made so far have not worked out well for her. so.....okay, yeah, i know i'm not supposed to think too far ahead, but i feel like at this point i'm allowed to start going there. so i'll say it. i'd love to be able to go to the end with jenn, because i feel like i could probably beat her. am i going to be able to make that happen? realistically, it's just not very likely. but if i can help her to stick around as long as possible, i'm gonna do so. the thing about the finals.....mmmm. the thing is, i feel like i can maybe probably get there [[knocks on wood five hundred times]] but i don't know if i can get there with anyone that i can beat. i know i need to Do Something, and do it soon. because as of right now, if things pan out the way that my alliance wants them to, then the final four is me/jenna/logan/matt and the final three is me/jenna/logan. whiiiiiich i don't know about. the pure and innocent hero inside of me really loves that idea, but the darker and probably smarter part of me thinks that that's maybe not ideal for me. because me and jenna have pretty much played the same game so far; i think i've played a little better than her and have been more visibly playing, but we are basically on the same level and she may be more likeable than me, which may make the difference in the end. as for logan, i don't know. i haven't decided whether or not he actually could win, because i know he was voted most likely to in touchy subjects but i also feel like he hasnt played a very strong or dynamic game??? idk. still not sure how i feel about it. ugh i Just Do Not Know!!!! ideally i'd like a me/jenn/logan final 3 because i think that would give me the best chance at winning but i don't know if that will be even remotely possible, and i don't know if i'd be able to go through with voting jenna out. hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. so yeah i guess my plan right now is win immunity, vote out pat, then have jenn win immunity and vote out matt, then go from there??? yikes @ myself what am i doing

I am so over this fucking game. I tried to make a video but it was shitty so whatever. Basically I voted Jess because she. would. win. No questions asked. And like, I feel so bad about it now like I don't think anyone realizes how awful I feel about it and I don't wanna say cause you guys are gonna think I'm pathetic (I have the video saved so I may show Jess I guess later if she thinks I'm a shitty person). But, god i don't know. I had 2 parchments and I voted 1 min before the vote and I didn't know what to do. You know. Voting Matt out would've been the safest bet I think. Pat and Jess and Logan were with me to the end I like to believe and I know that, but Jess would've won. I don't know if I could've gotten the nerve to vote her again tbh. And she would've won. I hope she does come back in though. If she does I'm fucking telling her everything and making sure that it's her and Logan in the end. She deserves it 1million trillion billion percent but thats why she had to go. I liked her too much. Plus now I have Amelia and Logan not trusting Matt (almost got them to flip on matt last minute. Oh well). I have the solid 4 of matt, me, amelia, and logan to fall back on. I hopefully have Pat with me. I'm not sure but i'm with him, and I've really told him almost everything so... I would hope he's with me. (I guess I could see him thinking I'm a threat to win the game with flipping on Jess but I doubt it. Even so, he should take me further than he takes Matt). And Pat has Jess. AND I have Logan 100% (I really don't think I'm wrong about that). It's set up okay, I just think it's gonna get messy quickly. And not in a good way for me. I blew a lot of my cover with this vote, but I needed to play to win. I needed to make some big, terrifying, move. And I guess I did and I guess I didn't. NOW my #1 ride or die in this game is Logan. Pat is somewhat up there but, i don't know, Logan is literally such an amazing person and out of anyone he really deserves to win the game and he's not a shitty person and I will not vote him out EVER. I don't care. I can't go through what I went through with Jess again. He's smart but nice and does think with his heart sometimes but not all the time and I play with my heart. It's a simple as that. And Logan is the best ally just for the fact that he's so amazing and i'd go crazy without him. It's kinda the same with Pat but I don't really trust Pat like I trust Logan. Pats smart, sneaky, and someone that will do anything it takes to win. I thought I was that person but I don't know any more. Then theres Matt who I am so sick of. I can't take his emotional shit. I know it's a trick, I get it. And it's real too but like, I can't deal with it. I hope you look at my confessionals and see how shitty you made me feel and if it is all a play like I expect it is I hope you realize it's a terrible, terrible way to play. And then Amelias just there. I don't know what they're doing anymore. I wish I did. Honestly I don't fucking care anymore. Like I don't really want to fucking win. Not like this. Not being an asshole and having a legit panic attack while voting Jess out. I don't really have it in me to fight anymore. I really don't. I feel like I made a mistake. Jess told Jenn everything apparently, which is what I was scared of and why I could never actually get out Jess but like I don't know I guess I believed all of that crap she said about how she wouldn't expose things and still root for me. It's fine. I don't really wanna be here, not with Matt and his emotional manipulation, not with Amelia and them barely talking, not with Jenn and everything Jess fucking told her, and not with Pat who I don't really trust anymore anyway and his cutthroat game. I knew I would have a better time with Jess than with Matt, but I thought I had to think smart. And I did. I just, i don't know. I made a move to get the biggest threat to win out, orchestrated the plan where I was the only vote that counted when Mario went, and will hopefully be able to do something cool with my extra vote and Logans nullifier. (I think my biggest problem is gonna be Pat, and making him stick with me). Whatever Logan should be able to get to the end anyway and i'll pull for him so hard on jury to win and then I won't have to be a mess over this stupid goddamn game anymore. But you know what, I basically voted out my mom (from egypt). And I really don't like it.

I'm gonna make it my personal mission to get out Matt. I'm not gonna deal with all the bios hip manipulation. I get it I really really fucking do but I don't go around waving all my problems in people's faces so they feel bad for me. I don't care if I win anymore, as long as I can get Matt out I don't give two shits what happens. 

Heh. Well, let it never be said that the game is ever boring. I told Jenn everything last night after the vote. Idolfinders, that we'd had both the Malvado and Bondoso idols, and that we still had one left, that Jenna was the one who turned her back on Jess. I realized three things while doing so: 1. Jenn had Jess and my backs a lot more than I'd realized. 2. Jenn will be an invaluable help in getting Jenna out, but I'll need to play that carefully to make sure Matt goes before her. Possibly Amelia, too? 3. For someone who was seemingly so alone enough to get voted out, Jess had some pretty strong allies. And now that I don't have any of the blood on my hands for taking out Jess, I'm actually not in a terrible spot right now. But, I did leave one thing out: the Margarida idol. I figured, with all Jenn's time I wasted yesterday, just coming out and saying, "Hey, I found it two days ago." wouldn't be the greatest thing in the world. (Plus, I still wanted to keep it a secret for just a bit longer, which in hindsight was a pretty wrong move,) So I told her yesterday night that I was going to make up a list of the second half of the clues and put them in my Google Doc. That way, I could pretend to "hack away" at the list and, OH MY GOD JENN I FOUND THE IDOL. But, I woke up this morning to three messages: [2015-11-09, 7:15:20 AM] Jenn: U25Z is the code [2015-11-09, 7:15:24 AM] Jenn: But of course it's not there [2015-11-09, 7:15:28 AM] Jenn: How long have you had it? ...shit. I haven't had a chance yet to ask how she found out. I made sure that code wasn't on the sheet of clues I gave her. Doesn't really matter, I suppose. But I pretty much had to tell her everything, after that. So I did. And I passed her the idol, too. Why, you might ask? 1. I can't be James-ed anymore. I can only be Ozzy'd. Or Jason Siska'd. Or Garrett-ed. Which would still be bad, but not terrible. 2. I think it locks in Jenn. It would've been a lot shadier if I just said, "Yup, I have it. Thanks for the clues. Peace." And a pretty big dick move, frankly. 3, and most importantly: it keeps us safe this week. Jenn's still asking about other stuff, and this game's been going on so long that I can't remember the specific details without going back to my notes at home. I do pretty much have to throw Jenna under the bus at the moment, 'cause Jenn's still pretty steamed about the Mario vote. And a large part of it is because Jess pushed so aggressively to find out who leaked the info, and ended up pinning it on Jenn instead of Jenna. Ugh. I'm going to be heartbroken when Jenna goes. If she'd have kept with the plan and gotten Matt out, we could've kept going, used idols strategically and taken out Jess together. But because she jumped the gun and we can't really take joint credit for it... perception becomes reality. Her resume at FTC would be very, very good. I'm just glad I had the foresight to go along with it instead of pushing back exceptionally hard on it. And hopefully Jess will come back at F5. Or Mario, I suppose, would be good too. But if it's him, and he, Jenn and I team up... I don't think I'd be winning the FIC. So maybe it'd be worth taking Jenna to F4, so I can push her as a bigger threat if need be? Ugh, I just don't know. It's going to be a rough cycle.

http://vocaroo.com/i/s0M4cRIxyEeS

Damn. Sad to see Jess go like that. Realistically I was losing a good person there anyway, but I feel like Jess is more loyal to me whereas Mario is more loyal to Jenn. So that's not ideal. To make matters even worse, I'm pretty sure I bombed the reward comp last night. There was one logo on the far left side of the screen that was barely visible, and I missed it on my first three swoops through. I'd imagine the undeclared part of the reward is idol clues, which, obviously, big whoop. But the immunity advantage would've been really useful. If I can win immunity this week or next, I lock in a top 5 spot (factoring in Redemption Island, of course.) If not... it won't be looking good for ol' Paddy. Anyway, as a bit of insurance I leaked to Jenna that Jenn correctly guessed the right code. I "conveniently" left out the part where Jenn asked me how long I'd had it, but it's essentially a dual-purpose leak: 1. It'll get Jenna pushing to flush the idol the second Jenn doesn't win immunity, which'll mean: 2. Jenn and I will hopefully have carte blanche to take out whoever we need to. (And also, if anyone asks me if I have the Margarida idol, I can confidently and accurately say I don't without lying or doing that whole "well, I didn't EXPLICITLY say I didn't have it..." thing I do sometimes.) Jenna also told me yesterday that people are thinking I don't have an idol now. THAT, I'm not sure how much I'm buying. I suspect the game there is to get me to drop my guard, maybe be lulled into a false sense of security... but that's not happening. Gotta keep your wits about you at all times. I thought getting blindsided at 18 and 11 sucked, but getting blindsided at 6 would be so freaking bad. I was chatting with my folks this morning about the game, and it kinda of hit me all at once... I've done well in some side games, played some strong games, but dammit, this game so far is the proudest I've ever been of a game I've played. I've had extreme highs and extreme lows, but overall I feel like I've been aware of everything that's been happening, I've made connections with everyone — real connections, I think, not purely game-centric. With maybe one or two exceptions, it's been a super fun cast from top to bottom. And I'm hoping in a few weeks, a majority of the super fun jury cast declares me the super funnest. But I've gotta get there first.

Soooo I think it was the wrong move to get out Jess. Pat told me Jenn found the idol. Of course Pat could've found the idol but there's really no benefit of him telling me Jenn found it. Now if Jenn wins immunity we're screwed cause then she can play the idol next vote or the next one and I know this wouldn't have happened if she felt secure in her numbers and with Jess being the bigger threat. I think I knew all along keeping Jess would be safer. But I convinced myself that I was scared of making a big move, and I didn't want to be scared so I voted for her. I think it'll be okay, as long as we can flush out her idol before someone (probably Mario) comes back from RI. If not, I'm probably screwed, which is my own fault and I'll just be pissed at myself for getting out Jess and not making it to the FTC. Whatever. This is the grave I dug myself in and I have to live with it.  

I am so screwed. once again. it's a theme with me can you tell? I don't go looking for all these fucking final twos! I really really don't. Im just a nice person who enjoys actually getting to know people. This does not mean I  want to work with you. In the end, I am gonna get fucked because I "had final twos with everyone". BUT I DIDNT. I made one ONE with Logan. All the rest people asked me. AND WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY TO THAT?!!?!?!? NO????? NO! I can't be like "sorry I have a final 2/3 with someone else, get lost. Matt called me and was like "I wanna work with you the most, I think we think the same, if it is final two i'd take you." and I mean I had to say yeah okay I feel the same way. Now i don't know if I can vote out Matt. Shit. *prays Jenn doesn't win and plays idol and we don't split on Pat so that Matt can go home and I don't have to vote him* He's gonna read my confessionals and die rip. But at the same time he is right. Pat has a really strong argument to win in the end. Me and Logan were banking on people not liking him but now Im not sure. Tbh I hope that it's me, amelia, Logan in FTC. I hope Pat goes but not because of me, and I hope that Jenn/Mario aren't a consideration there. Whatever. Look at this point, anyone i'm getting out is gonna hate me. They're not gonna listen to me in the end showing my accomplishments and thats fine. I don't care. I won't win, I've made peace with it, whether it be because of my own moves or because of how people perceive me it doesn't matter. All that matters is that I can get people who i would want to win against me and people who deserve to win there too. (i could go the route of taking people who probably wouldnt win but I really don't want this season to be a blow out you know? it's not in the hvv spirit... though i don't know if anyone really doesn't deserve to win it'll more be like "who do I not want to win") ALSO, I kinda hope these people are lying to me and try/get me out. That way i'm not the ass they are :P. 

http://prntscr.com/91upua "jenn <3" me: ( ͡ ͡° ͡° ʖ ͡° ͡°) me watching jenna and jenn now: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gx9hlhl5Peo

okay tbh honestly i want jenna to murder me she's such an icon if i gotta get voted out in this game i hope she orchestrates an elaborate hardcore and fierce blindside for me g od im in awe

ok so. pat wins immunity which is obviously the LAST thing that i want to happen, and first i'm like "shit okay there goes jenn" which sucks, and jenn messages me and says "please don't vote me out" and i'm like "i would love to do that if there is any way but i'm afraid the numbers aren't there so what can we do" and then jenna comes to me and says she thinks jenn has an idol and BAM here we go. so since the <3-gate last night, i've been thinking, and i feel like jenna probably lowkey wants jenn to stay around for the same reasons i want her to stay around. so regardless of whether or not ((god it's really hard to concentrate when elf is playing in the background yikes)) she actually thinks jenn has an idol or just wants an excuse to keep her, i feel that jenna. i feel that. but anyways, so now we're talking about maybe voting matt out instead. as of right now i'm not completely sure how i feel about that - i mean it's a cool idea in theory but it is still pretty concerning to keep both jenn and pat around especially when mario's probably gonna come back in any day now. and then the other half of the conundrum is that jenna was like "we should make jenn feel nervous that it's her so if she has an idol she plays it" buuuut i feel like i might have room to make some kind of deal with jenn if i'm honest with her and also help save her. like, she straight up said she'd vote for pat if i don't vote her out this time, and i feel like she'd be more likely to actually hold that up if i was upfront with her about what's happening, if we do end up voting out matt. but jenna thinks we should try to flush an idol, which she may or may not have. so, i don't know. i need to talk to jenn more about it and also to jenna and figure out what is the best option out of those available. i feel like this might be the time to make a move, but i don't know if making a move will put me in a better or worse spot...

OKAY, i'm gonna make a video confessional later after I kinda get a better read on things but I'm worried about this vote. It keeps coming and going and I don't know who to trust anymore tbh. Pat said Jenn was gunning for me. Which is understandable I guesssss but it's still kinda annoying cause like ugh whatever I get it. Anyway, Pat can't very well NOT vote me. And for some reason i don't know I kinda feel like Matt Summers may vote me too. I know he said he voted Jenn and he wanted to go to the end with me no matter what but it was so out of the blue. And like, i don't know, i don't know. And then I'm worried Jenn and Amelia are secretly close. All I know is, I have Logan ready to play his negator and me my extra vote if need be. We have 3 votes right there and knock out one if it is for some reason those 4 block voting me (i really can't figure it out yet). So it'd be 3-3 and then I feel like I could convince Amelia to flip or Matt to flip. Or maybe Matt did vote Jenn and won't get power back till later and me and Logan could control who we wanted gone. (This is all under the assumption that Jenn is gonna play her idol which unless she thinks she has Amelia and Matt she should) I gotta figure out who to trust first though. Cause playing our special things when everyone voted how they said they would looks waaaay sketchy and also solidifies me and Logan as a duo. Whatever. I just want insurance, especially with the feeling I'm getting about this vote. 

i am screamin g what am i doing omfg okay so after a long time of discussing what we should do, i asked logan if he had all the idol clues and he was like "oh yeah! i have all four of them!" and then we went on a mad treasure hunt for about thirty minutes trying to find the password. sidenote: at this time i was also trying to cook pasta and i started a conversation with jenn like 2 minutes before it started, so i was trying to find the idol + trying to cook my pasta + trying to talk to jenn and keep the conversation moving in a fairly strategic way while also not knowing what i was supposed to be telling her because so much depended on finding the idol before we could decide what to do. so that was fun. anyways, we eventually found the password and the blog was like "nothing's here lmao", and i checked the permalink to make sure jenna or logan hadnt just found it and were lying but the post that said nothing there was made on november 7th right after the auction so it had to have been jenn or pat, and thats when i decided where i was going with all this. [1:38:05 PM] amelia (ɑɹi): all right so there's been an interesting development [1:38:48 PM] Jenn: Ooh, what is it? [1:39:05 PM] amelia (ɑɹi): well as it turns out [1:39:14 PM] amelia (ɑɹi): logan got all the idol clues [1:39:23 PM] amelia (ɑɹi): and he and jenna enlisted my help in finding it [1:39:56 PM] amelia (ɑɹi): and it was discovered that the idol was found on november 7th [1:40:19 PM] amelia (ɑɹi): none of us have it and it's doubtful that matt summers does [1:40:36 PM] amelia (ɑɹi): so now there is some talk about that [1:40:34 PM] Jenn: Are you fucking [1:40:38 PM] Jenn: I'm gonna kill Pat [1:40:58 PM] amelia (ɑɹi): did he not tell you about it? [1:41:48 PM] Jenn: I'm annoyed [1:42:04 PM] amelia (ɑɹi): i feel it [1:42:30 PM] amelia (ɑɹi): so like unless you knew about this or have the idol, and i believe you that you don't, i feel like pat is probably planning to keep it to himself [1:44:48 PM] Jenn: No! The thing was I gave the clues I had to Jessica and Pat because I didn't have time to sit down and try to find it [1:45:03 PM] Jenn: And they were both like, "yeah we'll tell you if we find it" [1:45:35 PM] Jenn: And so now fuck [1:45:46 PM] amelia (ɑɹi): oh man [1:46:00 PM] amelia (ɑɹi): he probably used his computer magic or something too [1:47:23 PM] amelia (ɑɹi): so the upshot of this is right now jenna and logan are discussing whether we should split the vote on matt summers [1:48:11 PM] amelia (ɑɹi): i don't trust pat very much right now but i trust you a lot and i don't want you to go home [1:51:01 PM] Jenn: God dammit [1:51:20 PM] Jenn: I mean we can just vote for Matt and get him out [1:52:17 PM] amelia (ɑɹi): i think so yeah [1:52:58 PM] amelia (ɑɹi): jenna and logan think that you probably have the idol though so they're like "we gotta get jenn to think it's her for sure so she plays it" so i'm not supposed to have told you any of this so, yeah, i'm being a little bit of a fli[p floopa right now :~) could this blow up in my face? absolutely it could. but what's life without a little risk? i'm betting all my money on jenn right now, and just really hoping it pays off. see the thing is, i trust jenn in that i know where the boundaries are between when i can and can't trust her. i think i mostly understand how she works. whereas with pat and matt, i'm not so sure. so i'd rather keep jenn around, and have her on my side, and have her as a shield, than send her to redemption island and be stuck here with pat and matt to deal with and have her potentially come back as well. yes, jenn could be messing with me right now, she could have the idol and she could have went and go told on me to jenna and logan and everyone under the sun, and if this is my downfall then i accept it and i will walk to my death. but i do believe that she's being genuine right now, and i really need her to trust me if i'm going to get anywhere in this game. anyways, so that's what's happening as of now. i need to check and see what pat knows about all this, because if he knows we know he has the idol(s?) it could make things a bit more dicey, and i need to confirm with jenna and logan that we're planning to do the vote split on matt. and then i need to have a little moment of silence for the cruelty i'm about to do to matt summers, because i do honestly feel kind of bad about it because even though everyone is like "he's so sketchy" i see his little loyal heart and i know he has such good intentions and i know this is probably going to hurt for him if he ends up going home. and if the plan changes and we decide to just vote jenn, i gotta tell her so either she can get some idol to save her or she'll go to redemption island knowing i did my best to help her, and hopefully either going into jury or back into the game with kindness towards me. [exhales] okay. yeah. this is kind of my big move even though it's not really a move such as a positioning, and we'll soon see if it pays off.

So this vote is a mess. Matt wants me to vote Amelia with him and use the extra vote. Pat thinks everyone but him and Jenn are voting Jenn, Amelia thinks that it'll be 2 on jenn 2 on Matt and then however Jenn and Pat vote. Nothing adds up either. Cause when you look on the idol blog the post that says "there is nothing here" was made Nov 7th, which suspiciously enough was when Pat would've guessed the idol code. It doesn't really make any sense though as to why he'd tell me Jenn found it. Maybe Jenn doesn't even know the code. But why? Whats the point behind it? And then who would Jenn think would have the idol? Nothing adds up. But for some insane reason I do trust in Amelia and Logan and even Matt so if Pat decides to vote me with Jenn (which would be insanely stupid, mind you, as I really will stick with him to the end or i don't know at least final 4 but most likely the end) then we have 2 votes going toward Matt that Pat wont be expecting. Or going toward Amelia I guess... i don't know. Whatever nothing makes sense anymore and once again I'm gonna be betraying someone no matter what. Which I hate.   I'm also debating giving my extra vote to Logan just incase, but what if they randomly vote him? Oh well. It's getting down to the point where you have to trust people, and theres really not much I can do unless I wanna mess up any chances I have next time. I need to have faith in Pat I guess. Him and Amelia and Matt I guess. Which he's trusted me a decent amount of times so I guess I owe it to him to trust him. 

should i be doing this? i'm second guessing myself now yikes i don't know matt summers is gonna be pissed and theres a possibility that logan might not vote matt like he's supposed to because "he doesn't think an idol will be played tonight" and ugh what if we just vote jenn out instead that would be easier but then everything i did today is way more likely to hurt than help me i don't knowwwww

okay you know what no it is worth it i gotta do this because jenn said she'd vote out pat next time and i need pat to go jenn has to stay

[survivorhvv2]

EPISODE 13 “I’M PLAYING THE BEST I CAN” - MATT

i highkey wish matt summers would be quiet and i could just figure out my own strategy for this damn auction instead of having us all do it as a group like.......ok i get it but if u think i'm not gonna bid on item #7 just because we need to "focus elsewhere" you are WRONG because 7 is my lucky number and thats just how its gonna be!!!1!! for real though i just want my letter and i want a salad and i want to sleep soundly tonight jeff

 And since this is being submitted post-rewards, even though it was filmed beforehand: 1. Yay at the decrease! 

2. Glad Jenna outbid me on #6C. Keeps our alliance hidden and keeps me from getting the decrease. 

3. Jenn and Logan with two hidden things (Jenna's is a vote doubler.) 

Surely they'll share clues again, right?

Jenn and I just watched Kiki's Delivery Service together, and it was a lot of fun. She's so amazing and nice. ♥

Please pardon the lack of post-production for such a monumental event. Sucks to your shenanigans, Logan "Chad" Daisy Ray. If that is your real name.

Jenna and I watched The Hunger Games: Mockingjay - Part 1 yesterday, too. I fell asleep during it, though. Not because it was boring, but because I was tired and it was late. Pat apparently figured out that I gave him a fake idol clue, and now he doesn't trust me. I guess he's mad that I didn't feel too indebted to him for "saving" me or whatever the round Mario got the boot like he planned. Oh well, sucks to be him. Like, he lied to my face, and then he only told the truth when I cornered him with it! He's also been incredibly sketchy! I'm not going to blindly believe whatever he says! I sweartogawdiwillfighthim. Matt is saying that he trusts the group of four we've got going (Amelia, Jenna, him, and me) wholeheartedly. It's kind of odd, especially because the two of us have only spoken strategy, like, once before. I don't know how to take it. It could be a ploy, it could be the truth. Who knows. Maybe he's trying to cling to something, and that's the only thing he has going for him. At this point, I'm just trying to get to the end with Jenna, sitting next to someone we can beat. Neither of us can beat Jenn or Jess, I don't think. So while I love them both, they both have to go.

okay so i know i have not made many confessionals lately and i apologize i have been too busy crying over my loved ones letters <3 anyways so supposedly jess is getting voted out tonight. we were going to use logan's vote nullifier on one of the 3 villains' votes and then split the vote 2-2 for jess and pat in case of an idol, but we've now decided that it's probably better to save the nullifier because pat has been nervous and isn't likely to give jess another idol, and he said that he wouldn't be totally upset if she went home tonight. which, i know, sounds pretty fake, but it did seem sincere at the time. supposedly the other three are voting for matt summers, and supposedly maybe they think there's a possibility i will vote with them or something. but in the last 15 minutes everything has hit the fan because jenna was informed (and told me) that matt summers went to patrick and asked him "If I scratch your back this round, you won't turn around and dig your claws into mine right?" which is SKETCHY AS HELL and then started saying things in our alliance chat like "if i get idoled out you guys will still have your advantaged and i'll just try to beat mario!" or "i really trust this a lot guys!!" and we're all kinda like [skype eyebrow emoji] so there was some frenzied discussion about that and whether we should vote out matt instead, and i went to logan and told him what was happening too, and now we've decided that we're probably going with voting jess 4-3? that's what logan wants to do and i think it's the smartest thing at this point, because there's literally 13 minutes left till the vote and you just can't make a reliable plan at that point because paranoia and anxiety is high and there also isnt time to talk to the villains and really get a feel for what they're doing. jenna is being hesitant about it, but i think we really just need to trust matt for now, or at the very least trust that the villains won't trust him, and stick to our guns. also @jessica, i'm sorry about all the messages you've sent me that are like "IDK WHAT IS HAPPENING BUT PLEASE DON'T VOTE ME OUT" that i havent responded to but like........gurl just because you go on vacation doesn't mean you can be like "if you guys vote me out while i'm on vacation you are So Mean and Heartless" i mean honestly plans gotta keep rolling whether or not you're here to stop them sorry bae

PART 1:

PART 2:

First of all so sorry for lack of confessionals. Set building and my sister being in town have really taken up a lot of my time, but i'll give you a basic run down. I'm really disappointed in the option. I didn't necessarily care about getting any sort of advantage because that puts an unnecessary target on my back, but I did really want that loved one letter. It means a lot to know that you're not all alone in this game, and having someone rooting for me would make me feel a lot better about everything going on, but oh well. In the end, I don't really NEED people to tell me they're rooting for me. As long as I'm playing the game I'm proud of and i have fun with it, I'm playing the best I can. This round's a bit tricky. We would play it safe and split the vote or pile it all on Jessica. I really don't want to get idoled out, but I can see the advantages of saving the nullifier for later. In the end we decided to all vote for Jessica, so hopefully this doesn't backfire on me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r6e0oFuxuCg

P.S.: Good news! I found the idol code again: U25Z. Deleted the row with it in it from the spreadsheet just in case the girls decide to go through it again without checking in

[survivorhvv2]

EPISODE 12 “EVEN THE PEPPIEST OF PEOPLE FEEL BLUE SOMETIMES” - LOGAN

http://vocaroo.com/i/s0CyXoMH6z99

This vote... went literally EXACTLY as I planned. It could not have been more perfect. MY VOTE was the ONLY ONE that counted (i thought it would be hilarious to add in the whole "I know this won't matter"), Jessica flushed her IDOL, Logan is SAFE. Pat came to me asking if we should vote off Jessica and I proposed my plan that was already in motion. No one messes with Logan and gets away with it. And so Pat knows that I orchestrated this, but he also wants Jess out which is amazing. (He probably thinks he had a hand in it too) But okay so what happened was, Jessica kept proposing these insane plans. This entire day I've been thinking "okay so how do we get an idol flushed and Mario out" and planing out each move with each crazy plan. Finally, Amelia was like well i'll convince them I'm getting immunity so they vote Gavin. But then everyone freaked out later and Jess was like "we'll vote Logan, Bridget would never expect that" and it all clicked into place. I get Mario out, someone who never talks to me. Jess will play her idol (as I told her we were all voting her) when it's revealed Logan has immunity, this way, no more fear of her idol. No one would vote Mario out and all I wanted was Mario to be out. And to top it all off, my final piece slid into place when Pat decided he wanted to trust me more than Jess. So this way I lost nobody supposedly. (I'm worried about Jess being like "Jenna told Bridget to give Logan immunity but oh well) I don't know whats gonna happen next. Tbh Im in a predicament but I think people will want Pat or Jess out. Maybe I could convince people Gavin? I may have to ride the wave to see what happens, I just hope someone comes back from RI this vote and it's over cause then I can really start playing without worrying about that. This has been a mess of a day and a mess of a merge, and it's only bound to get messier. At least it worked out and I made a move. SO much could go wrong and backfire, but if it does i'll go out not being the person who does everything someone tells them to do. 

After having a near-death experience at tribal yesterday, I realized that I haven't made a confessional in a while. I'm just going to do a really long write-up of everything since the first individual immunity challenge results. That's around the time I remember doing my last one. It's been a lot, so I apologize in advance. I promise I'll be better!! Soooo, I won the first individual immunity challenge! I was pumped to win it. It's always great to have immunity, and it's especially great to know you won't be the first merge boot. That's never cute. The plan was to boot Matt, and all the heroes appeared to be in agreement with that. I end up going to sleep, thinking everything is going to be fine and dandy. Well, people had to go and screw that up. Apparently in the middle of the night Jessica and Pat schemed to boot Bridget instead of Matt. They filled Jenna in on their evil plan and decided not to tell me because they knew I would tell them it was a stupid move. When I awoke from my beauty sleep, I saw that Jenna asked me if I could call at, like, 2am. Jenna, it was 2am. When am I ever up that late? I messaged that I could later, so we did when I got home. And that's when Jenna broke the news that actual angel Bridget was going to be sacrificed. I tried to think of a way to switch the target off of Bridget, but there wasn't a way that allowed me to stay in a good position. It was annoying and frustrating, and I was pissed off. I just felt powerless, you know? I ranted really hard to Jenna, while I was trying to figure out a way to save Bridget. I still feel bad about that. Jenna was already sick, and I just added onto her stress. Before the tribal results got posted, I told Daniel that Matt was getting votes. I figured it wouldn't matter either way, and I wanted to see if I could trust him or not. If he didn't save Matt, I could. And if he did, I couldn't. He saved Matt, and Bridget went. Major bummer. My heart still hurts. Since we felt uneasy after the vote, Amelia, Jenna, and I formed The Boo Crew alliance. It was obvious to everyone that Jessica was the one who threw Bridget under the bus. (Well, almost everyone. I don't think Gavin did.) Pat somehow managed to avoid getting heat, too. I knew what was going on, though, so I was pissed at Jessica and Pat for being fake as hell. http://31.media.tumblr.com/200f4281f35b2364277c61614aaef8a5/tumblr_n8byuqULIR1r1tfh9o1_250.gif Anyways, moving on. I was laying in bed, when I saw that Bridget messaged me. It was something like: "Pat was involved in my vote, too." And something in me clicked, so I rolled over and asked her if we could call. We did, and I spilled everything that Jenna told me about Bridget's elimination. Bridget was kinda shocked by it all and was, like, whoa. During our call, Daniel was busy blowing up Jessica's and Pat's games. He revealed everything I had just told Bridget to everyone—screenshots and everything. The aftermath was...it was glorious. My soul was so happy. Despite all his trying, Daniel still got booted. Even though he blew up The Duo of Evil's games, his way of doing it made everyone see him as volatile. Buuut, I did consider voting Pat for a split second out of spite...I was so conflicted. I had a last-second premonition that that would be stupid as hell, though. So, I didn't. I spent a lot of time trying to make sure Bridget would beat Daniel in the music challenge, and she did. And then I was hoping Matt would win the immunity challenge so that we could target Jess and Pat, and then he did. So!! Amazing!!!! I immediately brought up targeting Jess because mom's got to go. Don't play with duplicity if everyone can see through you. Everyone seemed to agree that, yes, she was a big threat. Two sides emerged: The Fearsome Foursome (Jenn, Jessica, Mario, and Pat) vs. The Other Five (Amelia, Gavin, Jenna, Matt, and me). *KILL BILL SIRENS* I kinda felt like I would be getting votes all day. It made the most sense, because no one would expect Bridget to save me. And earlier in the day I told Pat that everyone thought he was just playing Jessica's game. He seemed so hurt, and I don't know. Okay, I felt bad. I really did. Pat is someone I consider my friend. Amelia and Jenna told me it was going to be Gavin, though. Then Jenna started to think about it, and she agreed that, yes, I could get votes. Then Pat told her that, yes, I would be getting votes. Then that awesome tribal happened. Jessica played an idol, I got saved from the angel Bridget, and Mario was eliminated by one vote. An insurance vote at that. Amazing. So now I have an idol clue. I've only shared it with Jenna and Amelia. Gavin is too unpredictable, and although Matt voted with us last round, I'm still skeptical of him. I gave Pat a fake idol clue because I'm not sure where he stands. (Love you, though, Pat!) I hope Bridget can beat Mario and keep on keeping on. I want her to come back so bad. This confessional is so long. Goodbye.

SO. Everything went according to plan at the last tribal council. Logan's votes were cancelled, Jessica ended up playing (one of) Pat's idol(s), and Jenna's sole vote for Mario sent him to Redemption Island. The downside is that now I'm terrified of being voted out, because in a flash game or puzzle type challenge I don't think I stand a chance against Mario. However, as of recent events, I hopefully don't have to worry about being sent out the door any time soon. After the successful formation of The Peace Skulls, I'm feeling a lot better about my position in the game. Despite Amelia and Jenna both being incredibly likable and each playing their own types of game very very well, I think my chances of beating them in a final 3 are so much better than beating Pat or Jessica. In a way, I'm glad they went behind my back, and I feel like part of the reason I lashed out against them so much was because I was desperate to get out. I love both Pat and Jessica so much on a personal level, but I really do feel like the only reason I was so loyal to them was because I thought I had no other choice. I assumed basically that everyone else saw me as a no-good flipper and that my only chance at making it to the final tribal was to do their bidding and have them take me there. However, now I just feel so great. I'm making choices that benefit myself, and I'm involved in an amazing alliance with people that ACTUALLY want to talk strategy with me, and actually care about my voice and my opinions. I'm still going to be weary, because they all did come from the same original tribe and there could be more alliances that are secret and I don't know about, but I plan on staying loyal to Amelia and Jenna all the way to the end. I'm making a genuine connection with both of them, and that's something that I don't really feel like I've been able to do since Chief's Island with Maria. When I signed up to play this season, I wanted the old Matt Summers back. The loyal one, who refused to vote out his allies and everyone seemed to root for. But lately, I'm starting to realize that he never left; and neither did Adversaries Matt who flips on his alliances to put himself in a better position, or Somalia Matt who attempted unorthodox moves and risked everything to make it further in the game. All of those are me, and I think this season I'm finally starting to learn what it takes to win. Self awareness is key; I have to know who I am and play up to that instead of trying to suppress certain aspects of my personality. I can be the underdog who fights as hard as he can to stay alive, I can be the flipper who votes against those who he pledged loyalty to in favor of another situation that benefits me more, and I can be the one who tells an elaborate lie to save himself and take out a threat to his game. There are so many times in this game where I should have been voted out, but I wasn't; all because I decided to trust my gut and trust in myself. And I've never felt better about playing a game before. It's like the final piece of the puzzle clicked, and even if I don't end up winning this game, it's such a relief to finally feel good about how I'm playing a game. Amelia and Jenna gave me the clue to the idol that Logan received, and all I know about the password is that it contains the letter z. Not necessarily incredibly helpful right now, but it's going to be my mission to get as many of the other clues as I can because I want that idol. Not even just as a safety net, or to keep it out of Pat's hands, but I want it for myself so I can use it how I best see fit. I've been through so much in this game already and I'm more determined than ever to win it, so I'm going to pull out all the stops to make sure I have the best chance possible to ending up in that final tribal with a resume good enough to win. I'm a good speaker, and I believe I can articulate my game well if given the chance, but I can't rely on anyone else to get me there. I have to do it, nobody else. My biggest concern right now is Gavin. I can see a potential flipper from a mile away, and Gavin has more reason than anyone to flip on this newly formed Blood Sacrifice Circle 5 person alliance. I'm predicting he's going to get quite a few negative Touchy Subjects answers and it's going to freak him out. He'll need to make a move, even if it's not necessarily the smartest, just to put himself on the radar in a last minute attempt to gain respect from the jury. I've played with Gavin before, and even if he's playing UTR now, he won't be afraid to make a move like that if he really thinks it will benefit him. Which is why, depending on if I think I could do it without it blowing up in my face, I'd like to use Amelia/Jenna/Logan to take Gavin out by scaring them with the prospect of getting idoled out. Jenna believes Gavin trusts Logan the most so it may not be worth it to even pursue, but Gavin leaving will benefit me in the long run. We get an idol flushed from the other side without any of my core allies leaving, and I take out a person that might be tempting to take to the final 3 in the event Jenna and Amelia decide I'm too much of a threat down the road. I don't want to feel too confident, because in all honesty I feel like I'm still a probationary member of my new alliance. I was going to be the boot last round if I didn't win immunity, and I think this alliance is still feeling me out to see if I can be trustworthy. While I would love to pull off that move and take Gavin out, my gut as of right now is telling me it's not the best move. In this instance, my reputation as a flipper may pay off for me. I believe fully well that Pat has an idol, and if any of Pat/Jess/Jenn win immunity, we have a 50/50 chance of choosing the wrong person to vote and one of us getting idoled out. My plan for the next few days is to subtly convince Pat that I may work with him in the future, so that if someone DOES get idoled out, it won't be me. It's definitely very stressful, but I'll wait until after immunity before making any big decisions. 

A bit of context for my Touchy Subjects answers post-game. First off, a lot of these were not actually answers to the questions as they were stated, because the truthful answer to 'who do I hope to never talk to again' is nobody. Despite some obvious tension and aggression, I like everyone in this cast (yes, even Shelby! That seemingly random hatred is pretty much a Shambo vs. Laura situation in my eyes.) Who has no chance to win if they make it to Final Tribal Council? Gavin, Gavin (An easy answer. Gavin's relatively inactive, has self-voted and is not perceived as nearly as likeable as he was in Somalia. With so many strong players, he's the obvious choice and will get votes.) Who absolutely needs to get voted out next? Jess, Jess (Playing to public perception on this one. I definitely want Jess to make F4 with me, Jenna and Logan... but I also want that immunity.) Who is the most likely to have an idol? Matt, Matt (I was tempted to put myself here, since I know there's still some perception of that among people who aren't Jenn and Matt. But I feel like neither Jess nor Jenna would throw me under the bus? And even if they did, if the thought's already out there, so be it. At least I can shade Matt a bit in the process.) Who would you trust with your life? Logan, Logan (Another obvious answer for me — and true. I really would trust him with my life. And I think he's got enough ties to Amelia/Gavin/Jenna/Jess that this will be an easy answer.) Who would do the best on actual Survivor? Jess, Jess (Also true, IMO. She's calculating, very smart and I get the feeling she'd probably be pretty decent at physical competitions, too. If Jenn were a bit more overtly social, she'd be my pick here.) Who would you most like to be stranded on an island with? Jenna, Jenna (Also true. Jenna's hilarious and a super fun conversationalist. But also playing the odds here — she's pretty universally liked, I think. And if anyone questions this vis-a-vis alliance lines, she and I did a lot of work together on the music video. Not a stretch to say we're friendly without being allies.) Who is the most sensitive? Matt, Matt (Also probably true. I expected Matt to be able to disengage personal from game a lot better. He still can, I know it. But again, playing to perception. And after the post Jess made in the tag post-last Tribal, that'll be fresh in peoples' minds.) Who mistakenly thinks they’re running this game? Gavin, Pat (This is the first in a reoccuring tactic I'm using — an answer I think will be myself, combined with a complete throwaway that has no chance of being the real answer. That way, I'm not accidentally feeding another potential answer and stealing a point from myself.) Who do you hope to never talk to again after the game? Logan, Pat (Only because I can see Gavin and Matt possibly saying this. And I've probably irritated enough people in the short term where it'd be possible? Plus, appearances and whatnot. Literally no one should ever be putting Logan here.) Who has surprised you with how well they’ve done? Amelia, Amelia (True! Amelia's in a way better position than I ever imagined they would be, and that's a massive testament to their game. Even when votes don't go according to their plan, Amelia's still in a better position for it more often than not.) Who does not deserve to still be here? Gavin, Gavin (I'm just piling onto Gavin here, but a self-vote in an all-stars season really sits the wrong way with me. Plus, again, this will be the popular answer. I'm sure of it.) Who do you think would be the viewer’s favorite up to this point? Logan, Logan (First off, it's spelled favourite. With a U. Second... this one is hard. I obviously don't have a sense of the viewers at all at this point, but I feel like it'd have to be Logan? He's that perfect blend of likeable, friendly and loyal.) Who has the biggest sense of entitlement? Gavin, Pat (Just in case. Not sure this one will be correct — I could see Matt taking this one. But again, I've stepped on enough toes that this could be me. We'll have to wait and see, but I'm not uber confident about this one.) Who will be the most bitter juror? Matt, Matt (Once again, the comment about that post is fresh in people's minds. Plus, at least when it comes to me, I'm pretty sure I won't get his vote because he'll be upset I burned him on the Daniel vote.) Who do you sometimes forget is still playing? Gavin, Gavin (His posts don't even show up in the freaking tag! He doesn't respond to many messages! Not a stretch.) Who is the most cutthroat? Jess, Jess (Perception is reality. And, I suppose in this case, reality is reality, too.) Who is the most annoying? Gavin, Gavin (I feel bad about this one because it's far from the truth. It's just where I feel the answer's gonna go. I think Amelia's not too enamored with Gavin, and I have reason to put him here after the flubbed message-to-group-chat.) Who sucks the most at challenges? Gavin, Gavin (No-brainer.) Who do you wish was never cast on this season? Gavin, Gavin (Three bad ones in a row for poor Gavin, but... self-vote? Really?) Who is the worst liar? Matt, Matt (In a lie-by-omission kind of way, absolutely Matt. I could see my own name popping up here, too, because I'll readily admit I'm not the best liar. Don't have much experience in it outside the game. If DK were still here, he'd be my answer LOL.) Who will absolutely win if they make it to the end? Amelia, Amelia (This one's obviously going to be Jess. Very obviously. So why am I forfeiting this point? Simple. To get people to recognize one of the next biggest threats' game. Amelia is playing a fantastic under the radar game and needs to go sooner than later. I feel like everyone else can be managed somewhat, and neither Matt nor Gavin stand much of a chance in an F3. Amelia and whichever of Jenn/Mario survive RI will be the biggest threats to my ideal F4.) ------------------------ Interestingly, Jenn didn't appear once in my answers. I toyed with the idea of putting her for the deserted island question because we chat a lot in the Margabirda Chat and she's a riot and a half. But by public perception? She told Jess and I the other day that she hasn't spoken to Logan or Gavin yet. I believe that to some degree. So that's two votes guaranteed she wouldn't get there. She might get the 'never speak to again' one by virtue of not talking to those two IN game, but I don't feel like she's done much to necessarily deserve that. I'd rather self-deprecate and take a chance.

Well. It's been a minute. And there's a lot of stuff that I've screwed up to go over. Like three votes worth of stuff. So I'm not sure how to go into this without literally writing a thesis on it. Okay. In fifty words or less: THE BRIDGET VOTE: Not a huge screw up. Not about me. Bridget wanted Jessica out at some point, Jessica wanted to strike first. Was basically just a one-tribe re-do of what happened to Hector. Bridget knew immediately what happened, told everyone. (38) THE DANIEL VOTE: Didn't really want to vote him out. Would have been better for me to vote out Gavin but my alliance with Pat and Jessica was not a democracy. It's a democrazy. Waste of words. Wanted Daniel to give me the Captain thing next round, so I voted with him. (49) THE GOD DAMN FUCK SHIT MARIO VOTE: Trusted Amelia, we were leaving them out of the vote, didn't want to lie AGAIN, Mario and I told them right as the vote happened. Not sure if this was my fault. Probably. Ironically the only time I believed Amelia was with us. Mario is gone and I am sad. (50) See. I'm capable of being brief. Anyway, now. I'm frustrated and annoyed because I'm a hypocrite and I've lied to Amelia for pretty much every vote and now that they've done the same to me, I think that was a very uncool thing to do. And I also have a sinking feeling that I might be thoroughly screwed, because Amelia (of course) told Jenna that I told them who we were voting for, Jenna (of course) told Jessica, and now Jessica (of course) is asking me about it. BUT OKAY. I WANT TO SAY A THING ABOUT THIS. Everything that we have done for the past two votes has been in the name of not blowing Jessica and Pat's cover. You know, their cover that was INSTANTLY blown when we voted out Bridget. And I mean instantly. She knew AS the votes were coming in. There's no cover to protect. It's been THOROUGHLY BLOWN. And so of course in the interest of doing this, Mario and I have to make ourselves look like morons. Mario threw his vote away in the Daniel vote so we didn't accidentally vote Pat out, I've been lying up a blue streak to Amelia because there were suspicions raised that they have an idol (which, I mean, probably. If it's bad for me, it's probably already happened) and we voted someone who would have probably worked with us out. And if we weren't clearly working with them, Matthew might not have gone and voted with the other Heroes this round. Nothing about this was good for us. It's just leaving Mario and I with the dead end option of working with Jessica and Pat for all eternity, which I would have wanted to do, but the ability to have options is always nice. AND. AND. If everyone's votes hadn't been nullified, that last vote would have been a TIE. They were trying to say that Matt was gonna vote for Pat, but why would he just cast a solitary vote? Of course I'm gonna feel uneasy about that. It's not as if Pat and Jessica could have, you know, told us about the idol. If that had been the case, I would have never told Amelia. Because if we're gonna tie, the very best thing to do is lie to someone you want to help out on the revote. IT'S STUPID, GUYS. IT'S REALLY, REALLY DUMB. AND IF WE'RE ALL WORKING TOGETHER AND PLAYING THE IDOL IS AN INTEGRAL PART OF THE PLAN, WHY NOT TELL THE OTHER HALF OF THE ALLIANCE? WHAT THE FUCK. It would just be nice to be told things? Apart from making an "alliance chat," which are binding in a court of law, that's the least that they could do. And yeah. Admittedly, telling Amelia who we were voting for was not a good idea. All told, it was the worst idea of the night. Absolutely. We'd lied a thousand times and they stopped trusting us, possibly for good, last time. Which is fair. A thousand is a lot of times to lie to a person. So a big part of the blame is definitely on me. Probably more than half. I did this. Anyway, now I won the solitary post-merge Flash game challenge and I felt useful for like a second, which is a nice thing. I guess. I got idol clues, which I just... I just don't... Guys, I just don't have the patience. I literally thought that there was no way anyone would put the effort into get the first two idols, and it turns out EVERYONE DID. Even if it's just four characters, I would rather die. Literally and figuratively. But honestly I probably need it. Those two extra points in the touchy subjects challenge are probably only going to come in handy if everyone else gets 1 and 0. Thanks for the effort in trying to keep it fair, though.

[7:04:46 PM] Pat the saltine: Even though I've historically sucked at Touchy Subjects... I just wanna get this over with. :P [7:05:53 PM] Matthew (Bhutan Host): I'm very intrigued to see what some answers were [7:09:22 PM] Pat the saltine: Definitely. Same. I know we can't discuss answers yet, but I'm sure I'm gonna be at least three negatives. Always try not to take them personally, but there's always that little voice screaming BUT WHAT IF IT IS [7:11:43 PM] Matthew (Bhutan Host): Yeah don't take it personally [7:11:50 PM] Matthew (Bhutan Host): If it happens [7:11:57 PM] Matthew (Bhutan Host): I know I'll get a few negative ones [7:14:10 PM] Pat the saltine: Oh, I know what you mean. Like... people have got to write something, right? And with the absence of a "who would you give a million cookies to" option... [7:14:20 PM] Matthew (Bhutan Host): But a lot of time if people don't know what to put they'll just put someone not in their alliance [7:15:46 PM] Pat the saltine: True. Or else they're tricky and put people in their alliance to confuse people. I've seen it done both ways. It's like those lists we had in that first post-merge IC. [7:16:59 PM] Matthew (Bhutan Host): Well yeah I could see that too [7:17:50 PM] Matthew (Bhutan Host): But idk what use people would have in trying to be sneaky at this point TBH [7:20:35 PM] Pat the saltine: Eh. Probably just second nature at this point. But even if those decoy answers are in anyone's lists, I imagine we'll get some fireworks just because of the format of the comp. It's not exactly designed for friendliness. [7:17:50 PM-7:48:00 PM] Matthew (Bhutan Host): *silence* Matt, I wasn't born yesterday. You're obviously trying to get me to agree with you so that when your name pops up you can go postal on me again and have a "reason" to target me. To quote the esteemed rapper Lil Dicky, "I don't give a damn what you're playing right now." Your name's gonna come up, my name's gonna come up. But I'm not going to overplay based on results to a competition where people will likely be attempting to obscure reality somewhat. Will you?

Jenn won immunity and messed up all of my plans. Thanks, Jenn. Why do you have to be so good at everything?!

Since I recorded this, Logan's been pushing really hard to get Jess out. I wish he'd see that's a bad move. And I don't even mean for my game (although that's certainly true, too.) If his pushback ends up making me burn this idol, I won't be happy.

I haven't wrote a confessional in ages, but I am trying my best to stay as that GOAT to guarantee myself a spot at the end nonetheless. I have got myself in a few alliances, and never should be (in the position I currently am at least) the biggest target in the said alliance. The goal is to make a move late in the game if all works well. Apologies to the hosts too, as though I am busy, I am overdoing it to try and push forward this persona.

I guess it's probably gonna be either a straight vote for Gavin or an idol played and Matt goes. And it really is up to me and Logan to decide which one we want, yet again. Which could become a problem when people decide to stop thinking that they need us. I don't know. On one hand, I see the benefit of having the idol played, but I also like that as a sort of "protector" for me. (i.e. we could hopefully use it later to get people out that we don't want here) At the same time, with the idol still in the game it makes Pat and Jess invincible almost. I also would like Matt to stay... he might win in the end I guess but it wouldn't be as much of a win as Jess or maybe Pat. Also once Matt goes, we need to keep Gavin for a long time. I suppose thats the same for Matt once Gavin goes though..... Okay so. Let's say we don't use the idol. Gavin goes. Next is Jenn (if she doesn't win immunity/ i kinda hopes she wins it (but I also wanna win it)). Then the next time Jess/Pat plays idol, hopefully idols out Matt or Amelia. Then we get Jess, then we're left with Pat, me, Logan, (Matt or Amelia), and a RI person. I would hope everyone would take me to the end, but if Jess comes back then i doubt it. Maybe Matt or Amelia would come back. Then scenario two: vote Jess, Pat idols her, Matt goes. If Amelia sticks with us then maybe Jenn or Pat or Jess would go next. They'd have to hopefully be the next two votes. That leaves us with Logan, me, Pat, Amelia, Gavin ideally but it's not very practical. And a RI person who is hopefully Matt but is probably not. I think we could get Amelia and RI person then I guess. I don't know. I like the first option better, just cause Gavins never here. But at the same time who knows how loyal Pat or Jess will be with that idol. 

I know this is goofy as sin, but I feel like it needs to be preserved (context: I wrote that Jenn came up while googling Egypt Jenn for more info on what got her out. But autocorrect adjusted it to say 'Penn.':) [2015-11-05, 2:51:57 PM] Logan: Penn is my favorite player this season. [2015-11-05, 2:52:07 PM] Pat the saltine: asdfghjkfdsdfghjkl;lkjgfdsa THAT WAS AUTOCORRECT [2015-11-05, 2:52:12 PM] Logan: :~) [2015-11-05, 2:52:18 PM] Jenna: poor Penn [2015-11-05, 2:52:39 PM] Logan: When will Penn get the justice she deserves. [2015-11-05, 2:52:54 PM] Pat the saltine: Yeah, Logan. Justice4Penn. You Teller. [2015-11-05, 2:53:07 PM] Logan: I've never heard of You Teller. [2015-11-05, 2:53:14 PM] Logan: Is that like YouTube? [2015-11-05, 2:53:35 PM] Pat the saltine: Similar! It’s just videos of you getting TOLD over and over again. [2015-11-05, 2:54:33 PM] Logan: That sounds like a horrible website. [2015-11-05, 2:56:04 PM] Pat the saltine: You would love it, really. Truthfully. You should go there now. You get to pick an avatar first! [2015-11-05, 2:56:39 PM] Pat the saltine: You get to choose between a TOLDar bear, a Told Cut Combo, a Bullfrog Told, or Told Yeller. [2015-11-05, 2:57:12 PM] Logan: Hmm... I'll go with Told Yeller. [2015-11-05, 2:57:24 PM] Pat the saltine: You can’t have Told Yeller. [2015-11-05, 2:57:29 PM] Pat the saltine: You, my friend, just got TOLD. [2015-11-05, 2:57:31 PM] Pat the saltine: OH SNAP. [2015-11-05, 2:57:43 PM] Logan: Logan has left the conversation (This was an actual leave, not one of those /me leaves deals.)

Even the peppiest of people feel blue sometimes. It's a sad fact of life. Voting out Gavin is really hard, mostly because I told him early in the game that I'd be loyal to him. He's shown multiple times that he doesn't fully trust me, though. That's concerning. I really, really hope this is the right move.

I'm caught half between wanting to play my idol tonight, and half trusting my allies. But, screw it. The idol stays in my pocket. I'm not letting it get flushed out for freaking Gavin.

[survivorhvv2]

EPISODE 11 - "I DON'T THINK THIS WILL MATTER, IT'S JUST INSURANCE.” - JENNA

Well, rip me, rip Daniel, and rip everyone left in the game too stupid to know when you need to make a move. rip in rest y'all

A note: after talking to Matt some, I think I was a bit too hard on him. But I also feel like he'll probably not trust me going forward, which is simultaneously unfortunate and as good an excuse as any to vote him out. But my jury management clearly needs some work.

Well, it seems to be advantageous to have Daniel on Redemption Island with me. No one wants him to win this round, so a lot of people have been sharing their song lists with me. Logan and I already found ~50 together, and then Pat gave me his list. I didn't want to share it with anyone so people wouldn't be reluctant to help me in the future. But Gavin asked for help, so I gave him 20 songs from Pat's list, and purposely included songs Logan didn't have :) Logan already submitted, so he gave his entire list to Gavin. Who's trying to combine both my list and Logan's... and I don't want to tell him Logan and I have essentially the same list plus four or five songs lol. So he's going through all the struggles of comparing lists right now LOL Anyway. Daniel is a fighter, and I feel like he could very easily win this, but I'll remain hopeful until I see results posted! He was out of town, anyway!

(do i trust matt? Eh... But, I like this plan a lot better and feel more comfortable with him than with Pat or Jess....soooo)

The vote might be 0 - 1 - 1 - 1 - 1 I hope this happens it is my dream come true what kind of Ancient Greece teas

At this point in the game, I'm basically Russell Hantz. I fucking hate it. The nature of the game implies that people are going to be displeased with some of your actions. That's just the way it goes. Everybody is fighting for the exact same thing, and that 'same thing' is only available to one person. But as much as it's a necessary evil to have people who disagree with your actions, it's another thing to have a significant chunk of the cast still in the game openly resent you — or, worse for people whose opinions I really respect, disappointment. That's where I'm at right now. We've covered Matt, who's upset that I didn't keep him in the loop on the Daniel vote — I thought they were close. He tells me I was wrong. Logan's disappointed at me for helping get Bridget out. I thought I was playing a smart move to keep a close ally safe. He tells me I'm seen as her puppet instead. Daniel, I'd assume, is probably still upset at the way the vote went down that got him out. I said it in the video last night, and I'll expand a bit more here: he's insanely more likeable out of game when we're not directly adversarial. And he strikes me as the type who really just wants the rest of the season to play out well. But I wouldn't be surprised if there's still a below-the-surface underlying level of resentment. Bridget, I'd assume, is probably... actually,. re-read the whole Daniel bit, only she's just as pleasant in game as out of game. And, of course, she's still alive, technically. I tired helping her yesterday, but she obviously got more than me. Her disappointment stings, too. Gavin, I assume, isn't thrilled that I threw his name out as a decoy. And I think the self-vote was probably either deliberate so he could boot a bigger target, or else accidental and I'm still a target at some point. Amelia, I think, is cool with me. So they are probably gonna be one of the targets tonight because why the fuck not, right? Jenn, Jenna, Jess and I think Mario are all good with me for the moment being. I truly, truly hope we can keep it that way. The PJs (that's Pat, Jenna and Jess — coining it, dammit) discussed possible plans to get ourselves to the final three this morning. And it's a plan that works, on the one hand. I can't see much going wrong with it, barring a second idol or Jenna being flushed out earlier than she needs to be. On the other hand, I'm going to be burning a lot of people. And it's not going to be pretty, or easy. For all the talk I do about separating game vs. personal, I'm not very good at it. I'm very empathetic, and I'm going to feel like absolute shit every cycle until I go out. It's one thing to be on Redemption Island and fighting for survival, another to be wrecking things from within. But mostly, what's killing me here is the same thing that's been killing me inside all game long: perception vs. reality. The reality is, Jess, Jenna and I are all equally contributing to this alliance. That's why we work so well together. We strategize together, we have fun together, we found the idols together. But, according to talks I've had, the perception is that Jess is the puppet master and I'm just along for the ride. That perception will make sure that I get no jury votes. I think at this point, that's a foregone conclusion. If I get to the end with those two, it'll mean that I flipped (or look like I flipped) on at least half the remaining people. And not in a way that appears to make any sense. On the other hand, if I flip on Jess and Jenna now, that's another four I WILL have flipped on. And that's just a really shit feeling. I've outplayed myself. I put myself in a corner and, although the game's still young, I don't see a way out of this barring a fucking insane jury speech — assuming I even make it there. I'm really at a low spot here. I guess the bright spot is that I'm usually confident and overly optimistic when I get blindsided, so maybe not tonight? If I go and you guys use that as an episode title, I will peel all the labels off your canned foods then put them back in the pantry. Thanks for listening to my whiny self-loathing. Back to gamebot mode, meep morp.

this is either gonna be fantastically successful or i'm about to get hardcore blindsided, but either way i'm having so much fun right now. literally twenty different fragmented plans have been suggested over the course of the last twenty hours, my favorite of which was jenna's plan that involved a 3-2-2-2 vote, but ultimately what we've settled on is this: jess and pat and jenn, along with mario i guess even though he hasn't talked to anyone at all that i know of this round, think that i am going to vote with them for gavin. this is after i told them that i got bridget to give me immunity instead of gavin, when in fact i told bridget to definitely give it to gavin. so, i'm pretty sure they're buying it right now, and the four of them are probably voting gavin. while the rest of us are going to vote eiher jess or mario. then there's part B: the paranoia initiative. it'd be reeeeaaallly nice to flush an idol this round, especially if pat has it, which he probably does. so me, matt, and jenna are each taking separate measures to gradually heighten the uneasiness, and hopefully make pat play his idol out of fear of going home. matt is "really good at making pat uncomfortable," so he's going to continue doing that, while i'm telling jessica how much matt fucking summers is going awf about pat. like, in a joking way, but also in a serious way. and jenna said she's going to message jess before tribal happens and be like, "i'm a little worried i hope everyone votes the way they're supposed to", and then it'll be revealed that bridget did not in fact give me immunity and pat will hopefully whip out his idol and then we'll get rid of the idol and jess or mario. what can i say? i'm an idealist. i'd like to believe that this will all work perfectly.

On 11/2/15, at 4:58 PM, Pat the saltine wrote: > Would it be worth flipping on Jess to keep Logan around? She's a huge threat... but also a huge asset. If we flip on her, she's probably blindsided... but we lose the villains, too. Not to mention that we're both seen as flippers. And we wouldn't have that safety net, since I'd assume she's still the biggest target. When Pat is finally saying things I need him to say. And I convinced him to let me convince Bridget to save Logan Amazing And then I'm probably lied to by someone and look stupid but oh well. I'm not risking Logan, sorry. (we're flushing Jess's idol not voting her out, probably?)

ohmygod ohmygodohmygodohmygod I told Gavin I was planning on voting out Amelia so he'd run back and tell everyone. Keep them in the loop so Bridget would use the captaincy on them and free up other options. Predictably, Gavin ran back and told everyone with the receipts from our chat. IN THE GROUP CHAT WITH ME IN IT. I'm crying with laughter. I'm dying of secondhand embarrassment. Tomorrow, if I make it through this vote, I'll be shaking my head about it all morning. But right now, I'm worried. This might derail the plan. And with two hours to go til the vote... it's gonna be a race to the bottom.

[survivorhvv2]

EPISODE 10 "OUR HAPPY FAMILY IS BROKEN." - LOGAN (MERGE EPISODE)

Okay, Casey and Shelby are out. I wanted Casey out over Gavin, since I feel like Gavin will stick with me more than Casey would. I think she would have stuck with the heroes because it benefits her, but I don't think she would have stuck with me. I'm looking for loyalty and who is going to take me the farthest. Jessica was fighting hard to keep her too, and it was kind of sketchy. Then again, I know that she was paranoid about the idol and that she doesn't feel comfortable working with Gavin. But that definitely factored into my decision on who I wanted to keep. It's best for Jenna and I moving forward to work with him, I think. Totally. Admittedly, there were some bumps in our triad. First of all, Jenna and I contemplated voting Gavin out. That causes some friction, of course. I don't he definitely knew about that, but he knew something was up. He obviously felt uncomfortable with Jenna, since he asked Amelia for the immunity. So, I had all three of us call to work through our issues. I hope it worked, I really do. I want to work with these guys, and they can't, like, not trust each other. I don't know, though. It was kind of awkward. I was messaging both of them while the call was happening and telling them to talk through everything. At least I tried. I'm pretty sure merge is coming, and now I know that both idols have been found. I feel like Pat has an idol. I don't know why, but I just do. It's a sixth sense—the idol sense. If he does have it, it could be helpful. I think he trusts me. I also feel like Matt may have an idol. He was telling Jessica that he was going to be looking hard for one. That could mess up my master plan. So hopefully he doesn't have one, and I'm wrong. If a person found both of the idols, I will be very impressed. Kudos to you, person. You have idol power. I hope I can get you out, with both of your idols in your pocket. There's so many heroes left going into a potential merge too, it's scary. We're going to be turning on each other soon. Our happy family is broken.

So, ideally, we merge after the Redemption Island results and I'm a little nervous for it. With all the swapping, and the One World twist, aaand being an all returnee season, pretty much anyone could be working with anyone. All the heroes haven't voted together since the first vote and that was a fucking mess. I don't really trust either Jess or Amelia, and I'm worried they might be able to tell. After the Hector/Jenn blindside, Jess started talking to me a lot more. Presumably, because she realized she needed me for a number. I feel like I am on the bottom of Jess's alliance and I don't really want to go out early. Amelia just voted with Jenn/Mario, which is understandable. But I asked them if they trusted Jenn/Mario or just for that vote, to which they said Jenn wanted them to work together in the future. Why else would Jenn and Mario vote out, essentially, a goat in this game when they could have taken out a HUGE social threat such as Amelia? So Jenna and I went on call last night to discuss our options come merge. Both of us are worried Jenn/Mario/Amelia/Jess/Pat and Johnny (?) may team up because they are all huge fucking threats -- whether it be social or comp. And it sucks the RI challenge changed because I was going to help Dom find words. Although we haven't talked much in this game, he doesn't trust Amelia and Jess anymore so I think he'd be on my side. I want to trust Matt, but I don't really know if I can. But regardless if I can trust him, it will be difficult to get Matt/Jenna/Logan/Gavin to all trust each other. It seems we're the odd ones out and we really need to work together if we want to advance further into the game. I still want to work the Six Mary Murderesses angle, though, just to ensure Jenna's and my safety at least for a little bit longer. One of my biggest issues in these games is I tend to feel like I'm right and am kind of adamant about how a vote should go... I need to not do that this time :)

[26-10-15 9:58:23 AM] Matt Summers: Well for a lot of people [26-10-15 9:58:26 AM] Matt Summers: Myself included [26-10-15 9:58:32 AM] Matt Summers: You're viewed as the puppet master That is just great really wow thank you Mario for making me the captain round one so that I can probably be the first merge boot really it's wonderful I am so happy thank you :') Forget Pris now I'm channeling MJ who was an early-merge target when he won, hopefully he will guide me through the game to FTC thank you MJ in advance A couple of people did tell me that Bridget wants me out like hard core which like okay?? I was working with her and really wanted to go far with her but trying to get her out early merge is fine by me too! Apparently she's the reason Hector left and she's had it out for me since the first vote (instead of you know... targetting one of the 3 remaining people that actually voted for her but anyways you do you Bridget). She's pretty bad at talking strategically w/me and her #1 mistake was telling Jenna and Matt anything about wanting me out because they both told me everything :~) Honestly though I'm surprised that more people aren't targetting Jenna? I'm happy because I want to go far with her but I think she's playing a really good game. Maybe it's just because I know everything she's doing and they don't but she's like what I wish I could do in this game in terms of UTR strategy haha. Anyways hopefully we merge tonight and me/Matt/Pat/Jenna/Logan/Amelia maybe?? can take Bridget out of the game and then I can stop being a threat and everyone can forget about me and target Jenn/Mario. 99% of the reason I decided to get rid of Dom instead of saving him was because I can guarantee that even though people think I'm a threat, they'll always think Jenn and Mario are bigger threats than me. This is kind of all over the place but I'm still taking like 10 pain meds a day so whatever I guess it's better than not submitting a confessional at all

When you don't find something funny but you have to pretend you do because you're in a Survivor game [7:24:36 PM] Bridget: Hahahaha jfkda;snfea oh my god. That sounds hysterical!! omg Everyone is trying to further themselves by subterfuge. It's making allegiances difficult to know, and I'm struggling to see where people are at. I think I have an idea, but I'm not totally sure what's true and what's hearsay. Jenna is the only person I trust one-hundred percent. Well, like, ninety percent. Amelia told Jessica that Mario would join the heroes if she saved him, which is why she gave him immunity. This led to Dom's blindside. Buuuut nothing about the story I was given is adding up! I don't think Jessica is rash enough to let Amelia play her like that. She has said that she trusts Amelia and that she is skeptical of Dom, too. It'd make sense to save the player you view as more trustworthy, if you could... Regardless of whether Jessica was in on it or not, it was a crafty move that's created even more paranoia. Apparently Bridget and Gavin are close. That's what the word on the beach is, anyways! This kind of confused me, but if it's true, I guess it makes sense. Both of them most likely viewed themselves as the two at the bottom of the heroes. Bridget is said to have been involved in the Hector blindside as well, which is surprising. I'm not sure what to make of her. She told me she wants to work with Jenna and I come merge, so we'll see how that turns out. I'd really like it if Matt could somehow go home before we merge, though. Everyone seems to trust him, and I'm like.. No, y'all! Don't! His last name is "Summers" and summer is a season full of hot sun and regret. I mean, he's nice and all. I just feel like he's a weasel.

http://vocaroo.com/i/s08OXK9BSeeR

I also wanna add

1. I dont trust what anyone is saying to me (such as Amelia could secretly be wanting a final 3 with Jenn and Mario who knows) 2. If it benefits me more to stick with Amelia longer than Gavin I would,           plus a final 3 of me, Logan, Amelia would feel fairer 3. Jess now wants me and Logan to play the bottom so Matt feels more secure and vote with Bridget which if that is the truth then thats actually amazing!!!??? 4. Playing the bottom has worked really well for me before so hopefully it doesn't mean Pat/Jess won't stick with me

So, in Olympics Did haiku confessionals Those were lots of fun Now, in HvV, Time to go another round Ready, set, begin! First, jubilation Merged again, na-tu-ra-lly Glad the team part's done Bondoso strong? Hah. Read an article today About Samoa Downfall of big tribes No chance to vote out others Fractured at the merge That is the case here One tribe mate especially Comes straight to my mind The Hector vote out Blindside of epic portions Bridget had a say Information leaked A voting block all compromised By a turncoat move Good for Bridget though Probably not a bad move Miscalculated By booting Hector Thought she was weakening Jess He was an ally Surprise! I am, too! That's useful information Trust card? Revoked. HARD. Still, playing friendly Not arousing suspicion Going with the flow Cardinal rule one Never turn down alliance Ever. Ever. Ever. Ever. EVER. Along those same lines Agreed to secret pairing With Mario. Gasp? We'll see how things go Don't intend to honour it At the moment, though Not sure he's sincere Think he just needs the number Won't he be surprised?! (No, probably not. But it sounds less ominous If I don't add that.) Post-immunity Bridget is the first target If all goes to plan Post-merge, the truth is Numbers are EVERYTHING, dude Majority rules (Moreso than before Although you could argue that Same statement applies.) Locked down some numbers Matt, Logan, Jenna, Jess, Pat Maybe some Gavin? Cannot trust many Daniel, Mario and Jenn Oh, obv Bridget too (It feels obnoxious To use 'obv' in a haiku Sorry, grammar nerds.) That leaves but just one: Amelia. Think I trust. They've been pretty cool One last thought process: Sad to see Dom go last night Misjudged him a lot Inactivity Believed he was not engaged Never been more wrong Dude tried his ass off Nothing but respect for him Hella nice guy, too Going to miss him here Johnny? Um, not quite so much. Good riddance to that. Got some merge names in Big fan of Novamente That word means 'again' 'Here we go again' Inspiration for that one Now the game begins! Also love Aveiro I pronounce this uh-VAIR-oh I'm not sure that's right. It's three syllables A region in Portugal Kinda beautiful Down with whatever As long as it's not something That's like Behougie Closing out this post By testing syllable fit For some shout outs, y'all! My drafter, Torsa Winning this whole thing for you Don't hold me to that MJ, my true fan I can fit this in one line: Number 23. (TBH, I know You like Amelia more I would, too, myself.) Molly Christ, saviour. Saviour of what, you may ask? Not sure. YAY MOLLU! Jack Estavanik Estafanatic is hard To fit in a line Bran, Cody, David Kwah LaLoompur slays your lives The true queen. KNOW THAT. Ry, Teddy, Mandy, Hello during a haiku Have a pleasant day! Okay, that's enough Finished with all my shoutouts For now anyway If I left you out It's because you didn't fit In syllable schemes Or if it's not that Maybe I just forgot you You figure it out :~) These haikus are done Go back to your lives that are Non-miraculous (Unless you are Molly Christ Who turns water into wine Wine is just better.)

Kinda new plan: I don't trust anyone anymore and am just gonna stay low and do whatever Pat and Jess wanna do and figure things out later. Jess told me Amelia made a chat with her and Pat. Amelia did not tell me they did that. So now I don't trust Amelia and I'm scared they will use my whole "I wanna get Pat and Jess out later" thing against me. So Now I can only trust Logan, and I can't make plans with anyone because SOMEONE will go and tell Jess or Pat. I don't know what people are doing. No one can win against Pat or Jess. If everyones just gonna go and tell them literally everything I don't wanna even play this game. Hopefully Amelia's still with me. Either way i'll be on jury no matter what and if they're against me and choose sit next to Jenn/Mario or Pat/Jess in the end Amelia is not going to win... that much I can ensure. 

Uh. Why am I in the game? Forreal. I never won a single RI challenge EXCEPT the last one. Johnny and Dom are both consistently better at challenges than me... There's actually 0 reason why I should be in. Are the Survivor Gods watching over me? Did they want me to get back into the game? Nah. Probably not. I just got lucky. BUT! That's all you need in order to get far in this game. I was shocked that I got back in but I know that I have to get to work in order to actually have a chance to win this thing. There are 7 Heroes and 4 Villains (including myself) which makes it seem like I am screwed. However, I am pretty sure the 3 remaining villains all have way bigger targets than myself. BUT! Apparently, the lines are starting to blur. "Supposedly" there is an alliance of Bridget/Gavin/Logan/Jenna. Ok. Then I heard apparently Amelia is apart of it kind of? Same thing with Pat. Ok??? Jessica + Jenn are targets but they want to work together but they don't??? Ok??? Basically I am getting a bunch of information that absolutely means nothing to me. I just want to be safe so I can get to a point where I am making actual decisions. Oh, and Amelia has the idol and I am the only one who knows it (I think). If they told anyone lmfao idk... And Pat is going to be the swing. Great. That's just what he needs.. more power. I hope to pull a Riau soon on him. He's a sweet guy but once again doesn't want to work with me long term. Anyways. I am just hoping to make it past the Top 10 so I can get in the single digits for the first time, then figure it out from there!!! :)

I feel like doing these once a week is not a great idea, just logistically-speaking. Before we were only doing things a couple times a week (right?) and so not a lot had happened. But for whatever reason, this game has absolutely no chill whatsoever and we are constantly doing stuff. Constantly. My complaint is that the game is happening all the time? It’s not great for me. Just letting you know. So anyway. I feel like many many things have happened since the last time I did this. Jordan got voted out, which could have been avoided if we’d chosen the right Hero to put our votes onto, and then subsequently got eliminated on Redemption because y’all don’t know how to just give Flash games like human beings. And that made me sad, because I feel like he would have been with me until someone kicked over the traffic cone that is my game again. I will miss you, Jordan. RIP in peace. OH HO. And then! And then! We won that game with the balls and stuff and both of the other tribes had to vote someone out. And I kind of went into that thinking that it was kind of a non-issue, because I figured SURELY Casey must have done something to get someone to flip over on that tribe and that Matt and Shelby SURELY would vote with Bridget who had allegedly secretly flipped when Hector was voted out. BUT NO. NO. That did not happen. The exact opposite of that happened. AND NOW, that whole thing where we did the immunity magic on Shelby and got Hector out was for NOTHING. Because Shelby IMMEDIATELY ALSO GOT ELIMINATED. Guys. Come on, guys. Guys, please. Please get better. Like, the very last thing that I ever said to Shelby was that we were going to try to get as many Villains to the merge as possible. We’re sitting at three right now, and one person will come back in. And it’ll probably be Dom, because that’s in line with my luck. Hopefully he isn’t mad at me. But who knows. Anyway, yeah, that thing with Dom. I was a little concerned that Jessica would use the immunity magic on him but she did not, and then told me that if I didn't vote her out this round, we'd be square. And I was confused about this because it didn't seem to me that I had a majority of any kind, and so I told her that we should just work together and she seemed to be okay with that. But yeah, before that we voted Dom out, because he seemed to be the less reliable person of he and Amelia, and so hopefully Amelia works with Mario and I. But yeah, Jessica. Now that we merged, people seem to want her out, which is good for me, but also the target appears to be me and Mario, because we've proven ourselves to be competent in about 45% of the challenges so far. I think we have this, you guys. Anyway, if we can get Jessica to work with me, Mario and Amelia, and if Jessica can pull in Pat, who might bring Matt along with him (assuming they're close, which Matt told me they were), and also Daniel who told me he has no allies but he also could have been lying, we have probably five or six people there. I think that actually might be seven. Yeah, the rest of the Heroes, Bridget and blah blah and blah blah blah, are gunning for Jessica or me or Mario or someone. That's what I got from talking to the people I've talked to so far. I've got this, you guys.

We've finally merged! Now we are elephants and also green. I feel like merge is going to be so wild and so messy, but I also feel like I should be okay. I don't think I'm on the top of anyone's "People Who Need to Leave Right Now Immediately" lists. But oooommmmmgggg. I don't want to target Mario right now, but if he decides to slander Princess Daisy again, I may have to get him OUT! I can't have that negative energy around me! 

WE ARE OFFICIALLY THE PRINCESS DAISY TRIBE! YES, IT'S REAL AND IT'S HAPPENING! And the fact Loen was the runner-up is beautiful and hilarious, because it was a combination of Jenna's and I's names. I would've been happy with either name, but omg. I can't believe I'm actually on the Princess Daisy tribe....... This is the best day ever. I want to thank the hosts for picking the name, my dog for supporting me, and Princess Daisy for being flawless and wonderful.

I am sorry I am doing so many confessionals but Im getting really freaking pissed off. I don't wanna just play the stupid fucking goat that everyone forgets or just follows everything that people tell them to do. I HATE that there's literally no move I can make. You know all the goddamn villains are pretty much telling Jess everything anyone says. Why the hell do they wanna work with Jess? Literally get off your fucking seesaw and realize there are people who will work with you if you maybe, i don't know, TALKED to them??? I get it! You don't wanna get caught but TAKE A FUCKING CHANCE I SWEAR TO GOD. I am sick and tired of Pat and Jess running this game. I am sick and tired of having the heroes but none of the villains. I am SICk and tired that these villains have these reputations that could make them sketchy to work with. Tbh, I am sick and tired of people playing with Jess cause they know her, and because she's been captain. I know I walked into this game at a disadvantage but an advantage being newer. I KNOW THAT! But People shouldn't just look at your name on the list and see you as somebody lesser. As somebody who has no moves and is following other people. All I want people to do is put on their big boy pants and actually play the game!!! Like Matt, what are you even doing!? Didn't you tell Bridget you were sick and tired of everyone letting "one person run this game" And then you go And you fucking run and cuddle up to that one person as soon as you have a chance?? (this is in no way me hating on Jess. I really love Jess and I respect her so much, Im just tired of being a pawn and I'm tired of not being able to talk to anyone without people trying to use that as leeway to get closer to Jess) You have no idea how much I wanna just go and tell everything to people. But I know that that won't do anything but put a target on me. All I can hope, is that either my plan works and we can get Pat and Jess out eventually, or RI gets to stay on the same beach so I can just let loose without having fear of being exposed and voted out because of it. (Also I think UTR games are fine, I just don't like being looked at as a bad player or a follower or lesser, and it's getting to me, because no one is giving me the chance to prove to them Im not)

Pissed-off Pat is not pleasant.

the margarida tribe (+ the jury members) as blake lewis songs silence is golden - gavin break anotha - matt summers gots to get her - logan how many words - johnny hate 2 love her - jess without you - dom what'cha got 2 lose? - pat she's makin' me lose it - daniel bshorty grabs mic - mario end of the world - jenn i got u - jenna https://play.spotify.com/album/2DNbIvMrY2HPcgBkJtiY6W

Welp. I fucked up for a few different reasons. 1) I got too comfortable, and 2) I hoped I could trust Matt Summers. I've been very careful about who I've told that I don't necessarily want to stick with all the heroes. And Matt was absolutely fantastic about the Hector vote. Not even fucking Shelby knew I was involved. Which is why I thought I could potentially trust him. But once we got closer to merge, and through merge, he got shorter and shorter with me whenever I tried to talk to him. I tried gaining some of his trust, or at least information, by telling him I felt like I was on the bottom and that I felt Jess might be running things. Well, naturally, he used that against me and told Jessica. I'd do the same thing, to be honest, but I thought he didn't trust Jess either. So, my mistake. Jessica confronted me earlier, and I had to backtrack because there's obviously truth to it, to which I expressed some of my concern about the first vote. And now, I'm stuck with the heroes for the time being because I do not trust Matt or Daniel or any of the villains even remotely. If I were Jessica, though, I would tell the villains who we're voting so they could give immunity to them, and get me out. So I'm slightly concerned. But, mainly, it's Halloween weekend and I'm more excited about going out and having a good time tomorrow night :)

I hate the heroes. I feel like they're literally belittling me. I'm older than most of them too LOL. Like what the fuck? I hope my plans works. It's not my plan but it's the only plan I know. Use capitao on Matt and then vote out Bridget. That sounds perfect to me. BUT! I'm gonna be throwing everyone under the bus so lol bombs away my chances of winning. But I want to be safe so I'll need to do it honestly. 

The title for this video, The Day the Music Died, has two meanings. First, it's the first non-rushed video I made without a guitar intro. And two, I see Bridget as the "music" of the heroes tribe. She's been in tune with everything that's going on, her allegiances have been fluid like a good, flowing symphony, and her attitude is the equivalent of a good Taylor Swift song — it just seems to put you in a good mood. I think, as a whole, the game's overall attitude will suffer from losing her. But for me, this is a good strategic move in both the short and long term if it goes to plan. Please, let this go to plan.

http://vocaroo.com/i/s12sAhB2ZbDi

Okay so after the crazy night that was last night, I think we have a solid plan. The heroes should all be voting for Matt, the villains for Bridget, with Daniel saving Matt and sending Bridget to Redemption Island. I'm worried that the villains will fuck me and Pat over and vote for one of us (or Jenna instead of Bridget... yikes) but I'm not gonna worry about it, I'm just going to try and make the move and hope it works out and if not then oh well, I tried! I feel like it's a bad sign that I'm not paranoid I'm going at all tonight because I'm always paranoid at tribal but I think the people I put my trust in have my back for this round. I feel bad for Bridget but also not really, Bridget says she wants to take me to the end and that she was just throwing ideas out to Matt but if that were true, she wouldn't have got Hector out of the game and she would've come to me, not Matt, when she was feeling uneasy. I kind of want Amelia out next because Amelia is very sketchy and never really gives me a direct answer to anything but I'm fine with a villain leaving too tbh. As long as me, Pat, and Jenna can make final 8 then we're fine and we can get far thanks to our idols. Opinions on everyone left in the game: 1) Amelia - I know they're telling Jenna information they aren't telling me so I know they don't trust me so the sooner they're out, the better. 2) Bridget - Super sweet but really deadly. You throw my name out, then I do not want you to stick around! 3) Daniel - Kind of like Gavin where he's never really here but at least he talks to me? I don't reeeeeally trust him because he's only seemed to talk to me when he needs something which is not a good relationship to have. I feel like he's going to go out like Dom did/how Nicole went out in Sapphire aka he'll be in trouble and won't be online to save himself and I'm definitely not risking my game to save someone who isn't even putting in the effort (looking @ u Dom). 4) Gavin - Aww Gavin. The Kellan of the season!!!! He's not really here and I'm worried if we don't vote him out before Final 8 he'll just slide by to the end. But also, he's not a threat to win. So there's that. 5 Logan - Logan is so sweet but either one of two things is happening: he's aligned with other heroes and won't tell me or he's really delusional and thinks that a 7 person alliance is really a good idea. I told him that Bridget was targetting me and he basically shot it down immediately. Like... if we were REALLY aligned, wouldn't you want her out just as much as a villain? And he seemed offended when I said we should make a heroes minus Gavin alliance. Like dude.... Gavin! Is! Not! Here! We cannot be accommodating how our games play out and risking our safety to please someone who can't even take an hour every day to get online and strategize with us. He just isn't giving me anything other than "I won't vote out a villain" so as much as I like him, I don't want to keep someone around who isn't willing to play the game. 6) Jenn - Not a threat to win either. I love Jenn and would definitely vote for her but that's because I know her really well whereas no one else does because she doesn't talk to them. If she could be here until like, Final 6/7, then I'd be happy because I think people will always vote for her over me since she's an "immunity threat" (because we've had so many flash games...). 7) Jenna - Jenna <3 <3 If I don't win I hope she does, I think she's playing an amazing game and I really hope she goes far!! 8) Mario - Also not a threat to win. Everyone wants him out because he's good at challenges but his social game is really bad so I can guarantee he's not going to win so I'd rather keep him around for a while. 9) Matt - I'm saving him this round but I still don't trust him. I think it'll be easy to throw him under the bus next round and just tell Mario/Jenn he's targetting them so he has to leave. Plus we know he can't be immune so.... sorry Matt! 10) Pat - Yay I love Pat too, if me/him/Jenna get to final 5 I'd be super excited. Okay so after writing that... I guess my ideal final 7 is something like me, Jenn, Daniel, Jenna, Pat, Logan, and Gavin since out of that group 3/7 people won't win and I think 4/6 (not counting me) would 100% take me to at least Final 4. Or if Amelia is there it's not the worst because we can idol them out I hope? F 10 - Matt leaves, doesn't matter who gets secret immunity because he can't get it. F 9 - At that point... it's 6 heroes vs 3 villains. We can split the vote between like Daniel and Mario. I'd prefer if Mario left but who knows. F 8 - Split the vote again between Daniel and Jenn? Since in theory it'd be 6 vs 2? F 7 - We can assume Jenn is gonna be immune here from secret immunity. Hopefully at this point the hosts realize how stupid this twist is because if Jenn wins immunity, and like Amelia gets secret immunity, and all the idols are played (which is not an unlikely thing to happen??) then that's honestly a joke because only 2 people aren't immune which seems very unfair for those two but w/e you guys clearly don't wanna listen to anyone tell you your twist is too much!! Even though most players have confirmed they feel the same way!! Actually now I'm thinking about that stupid twist again and how it's a trainwreck with the way this season is designed (jury @ final 13 + RI + RI being part of the one world beach + people being voted out 4th somehow being on jury?? + idols + captain twist = too many god damn twists this is really overwhelming) so I'm not going to bother finishing this confessional

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V280YI-TmCM

Fuck you guys

You know what I hate? I hated knowing Bridget was going. I hated telling Logan and having him almost yell at me for doing everything Jess says. I hate that I now know that people on RI can give people idols. I hate all of this. You know what I wanna do? I just wanna ruin my game and vote off Jess, just to prove I'm not doing everything she says like most other people. But then I ruin my game. And I probably ruin Logans, and I can't do that yet. We tried to think up some plan that wouldn't burn us later but we couldn't and we were stuck and he got so pissed because everyone is looking at us like we don't do anything. (see: my last confessional) Whatever. Im setting things up with Jenn if I need her, Marios easy to swing, Daniel would be the easiest to get over but everyone sees that and all I want is Matt to leave. I don't have matt, I will never trust Matt, just leave already GOD. 

idk i kinda wish i got voted out instead of bridget because this is just too much right now who woulda thought that my ['secret'] villains' alliance would be the ones to pull the classic lying-about-the-vote-and-then-saying-they-still-want-to-work-with-me move. what does dan's rule say about that? i don't think so! (victory) (skull) [abi-maria voice] they're dead to me. anyways i dont know what's happening with this instant tribal i'm hoping we can get rid of daniel or something, i'm having a hard time focusing tonight and i don't know what i should be doing bright spot: pat's been talking to me for half an hour, not really about game stuff but just about like books and time travel and that's really been nice and helping me focus. so. thank you pat <3 sorry this is messy i'll figure it out tomorrow probably

I guess it sucks being voted out, but mostly it's just gratifying knowing I was right that Jessica is running this game. And I definitely think more people see that; unfortunately, I'm not sure much will change. In hindsight, I should have pulled Jenna/Gavin/Logan together and voted for Jenn. I had a very strong sense that I was going home -- I told Jenna and Logan I was going home a couple hours before the vote. Had I not been so busy with school/work/life, maybe I would have tried putting the vote on someone else. I just did not have the time to strategize. Oh well! It's nice still being able to talk to people, though. There are absolutely no hard feelings and I'm honored to have been cast with such incredible players. I most likely will not come back from Redemption Island, but while I'm still around, I can try to help people I'd like to see do well. This is my last season of Tumblr Survivor, so thanks for making it a good one @hosts :)

Oh my god. I may have been wrong. Or partially wrong. I don't know. My life is a lie. It was actually Pat who was behind the vote. Pat and Jess, but largely Pat. Makes complete sense. So now, I'm just trying to compile as much information as I can to send to Logan and do everything in my power to get Logan as far as possible honestly. I love him and I want him to win. I also weirdly want Daniel to go far? I don't know why, I just want him to cause some chaos.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Riq-vYudsik&feature=youtu.be

PAT JUST PLAY YOUR STUPID IDOL THAT IS ALL I FUCKING WANT PLEASE. Also 1. Maybe i'd fucking get out fucking pat if it wasn't for this stupid twist. 2. If I did i'd be fucked 3. This twist is stopping me from making big move 4. I hate all of this 5. Just vote me the fuck out i literally do not care anymore.

[survivorhvv2]

EPISODE 9 “SORRY, I’M NOT PLAYING YOUR GAME.” - PATRICK

You know I think it was smart getting rid of Casey. I struggled with how to go because I knew that either way I could most likely convince the other person (since it was kinda two sides with Jess and Logan) to vote that way. But, Casey had a lot of friends, and Gavin doesn't. Plus, Jess voting for him literally made him trust us even more. And now Ive set myself up that if we do end up losing, me and Logan should be fine because we won't vote for each other (I hope my trust in Logan isn't stupid) and Jess and Gavin want each other gone. Of course, if we do lose I'm fucked once again :) because i don't know what Logan will do but I need to stick with Jess, but honestly we really shouldn't get rid of Gavin. But, hopefully we merge soon and I think I'm in an okay place. If RI continues I think I'm untouchable to Jess and maybe even Pat, just because I know how many alliances she's in and I can tear apart her game (and she could do that to me too). Im banking on the fact it appears that Jess has made decisions and set up alliances so she would take me to the end cause she would win. And then I have a solid bond with Bridget going who expressed concern about other people using Casey agains us, and Amelia who came to me concerned that people were gonna trust Matt. Im hoping that I can maneuver around merge in an okay way, even with RI there (though I doubt it lets be honest we just gotta hope that it's gonna end). I think the only person who could possible be a problem is Pat cause I know he's smart and he knows Im smart so I gotta hope he wants to use me as someone he would win against, but either way, he's not a smart end game. Sorry, I don't wanna get too far ahead of myself. It's not all cut in stone, and It's gonna be a hard as hell fight. But all I know is that I seem to be set up okay going into a merge situation, and that's what I care about right now. 

Cute. No time for a full on video confessional at the moment, but with Shelby's little temper tantrum just now before leaving, I think it's funny that's she's urging people to do something different all while not giving me any incentive to. I can only speak for my own game, but she was the one who turned on me, then didn't say a single word to me afterward. Sorry I'm not playing your game, Shelby. I really feel *so* fucking torn up on the inside about it. It's a game, get the fuck over yourself.

http://vocaroo.com/i/s0Rz5rb1F7yF

(Regarding my last video confessional) I could see that Amelia telling me the thing about Bridget could be some elaborate plan, so like I'm not taking it for word, but I'm definitely gonna have it in my mind. 

YESSSSS after hours of countless trying, thousands of combinations, The Cluefinders finally have both idols!!! This is so exciting!! Now merge is (hopefully) going to be smooth sailing for the three of us. We can easily vote for others without fear of being idolled out, we can use idol paranoia to split votes to our advantage, we can do anything!! It's still a long way until the end but I think we're in a good position. Everyone genuinely believes I'm on the bottom, no one thinks I'm working with Jenna at all, ahhh I just feel really confident. Also, every season I have found an idol, I made FTC. So here's hoping that tradition continues.

A LOT just happened. Like way too much. So, Pat and Jess both found and idol. Honestly, I think this is great. I think some people would feel worried if they were in an alliance of 3 and 2 of the other people found an idol, but I think it gives me a lot of power. Also, I'm weary of idols. Do I trust Pat and Jess? No. BUT, knowledge is power sometimes and now they really can't vote me out unless they want to tell everyone they have an idol. At least for as long as RI on the same beach stays in play. I know it's a little tricky cause if people find out I knew about them for a long time and didn't tell them until it was "useful" to me, but hopefully I can figure it out. It makes them have to stick with me more, and that's all that matters. Now, another thing happened. Amelia messaged me wanting to look for the idol together, which is a huge amount of trust that they are giving me. And then, they tell me JOHNNY of all people messaged them telling them the combo for the Malvado idol because he wanted to have a final 2 deal with them and he can't get the idol on RI. Of course, Jessica already has that idol, but this is still a TON of info to have. The only thing I'm worried about is that I messed up when looking on the doc for the idol combo and I wasn't doing the combos right and accidentally deleted the combo that was the right one. Which that looks sketchy as hell. I'm hoping they don't read too much into that cause obviously I don't have the idol, but it was way too big of a mistake to be making. As long as they don't think I'm lying about having it (WHICH IM NOT) then I feel really solid with Amelia. Cause they asked me to look for the idol and they told me they were gonna tell Johnny that they found the Malvado idol, and they are giving me a lot of trust. So personally I think this whole idol thing helped me a lot. It gave me SO much info on a LOT of people that could make me a dangerous person to go against/vote out when RI is on the same beach as everyone else :~) Overall, I know I didn't get an idol, but I gained information, and in this game, information can be worth ten thousand idols. 

alright alright alright let's think about this if i vote dom and jenn & mario vote with me, dom goes home 3-1 if i vote dom and jenn & mario vote for me, i go home 2-1-1 or 3-1 if they got dom if i vote jenn and dom votes jenn and the other two vote dom it's 2-2 and then i flip on the revote so dom goes 3-1 if i vote jenn and dom votes jenn and the other two vote me it's 2-2 and we go into a tiebreaker if i vote jenn and the other three vote me then i go home 3-1 so if i vote dom, there's a 50-50 chance that i go home and if i vote jenn, there's a 66% chance i don't immediately go home i'm not great at math, but i think that's pretty accurate, and in terms of numbers and figures then it makes more sense for me to vote for jenn. however, i also have to think about the social consequences. what happens to my relationship with jenn and mario if i vote for jenn? if they vote with me for dom, then i've got a ticket with them through the first part of merge, or at least i can have them think i'm in it with them. but if they vote dom and i don't, they're going to be mad and almost certainly put me on their most wanted list, and it'll close off that opportunity to get more information on what's happening with the villains. also, on what's happening with bridget - because apparently bridget has not been fully honest with our alliance and was part of getting hector out, if jenn is to be trusted on that. which is very interesting indeed. so anyway, i'm basically just trying to weigh the numbers vs the connections here, and i think the biggest thing is gonna be (as usual) capital-t Trust. i gotta talk to mario and jenn more and see if i feel like they're actually going to be with me. if i feel like they're voting dom for real, i'll probably vote dom because it's the best choice in terms of strategy and social game. but if it feels wrong or suspicious, i'm not going to risk it. ughhhhh i just want to make m*rge please

(And yes, I do recognize the irony in saying "Nobody is going to watch a 20 minute video in a video that clocks in at 19:12 all in.)

http://vocaroo.com/i/s16wOsb7ZcLK

[survivorhvv2]

EPISODE 8 “I’M FEELING #BLESSED” - BRIDGET

i am SCALPED ! rip @ me thinking i could trust jenn and letting her shove my head underwater but :~~~~))))))) how the turntables!!! also i dont know why the fuck jordan (was it jordan??) voted for jenn like….wyd….his “plan” for us was to get jess to give immunity to dom and then he was gonna vote dom so he could “continue to gather info” from the other side and me and dom were supposed to vote mario so??? yikes  what was that anyways im so into this now like we got out a villain and we know we can’t trust jenn/mario and i know i can trust jess & the other murderesses so as long as we don’t win this next challenge it is looking great ahead :’) w h e w

First of all, I just want to say I’m so proud of myself for starting the trend of actually using the captain twist. I always wondered why people never used it before, but that tribal was BEAUTIFUL. Second of all, I’m feeling #blessed. Since I’m leaving for the weekend, I just want to get everything in order because I know I’m going to tribal. The Six Mary Murderesses decided Amelia’s tribe should win, because my tribe and Carvao should have the easiest tribals. Anyway, I went to Matt to see what he was thinking, and Pat already got to him. Matt realized me turning on Pat would not be good right before merge, and if we went to rocks, it’d be a tie between Shelby/Pat, and Matt would have a 50/50 chance of going home. So eeep!!! I don’t want to get too excited or over confident, though. Fuck. I’m probably going home, aren’t I? You can’t get excited in this game. Shit.

Hahahaha. Aaaaaaaaaaaaah. Guys. Guys, things are not super-good. Things are not good at all. I can’t stop lying. A literal SWEATER OF LIES. Fuck. 

Alright so it worked out great that Jordan went and not Amelia cause without Hector we need to make sure we have people we trust. But This double tribal is not good for me. I am, technically, aligned with everyone on my tribe. Sooo… No matter what someone is gonna be mad. And a mad person on RI is NOT good. This is why Ive wanted to win so badly, if I can get all my allies to merge do you know how amazing that would be!? No one would expose me from RI, no one would get paranoid about not knowing alliances I had, no one would be mad if I didn’t vote they way they wanted. But with a double tribal i don’t know if we can win. Also the plan is to let Amelias tribe win so we don’t lose Amelia, which I agree on except if they could get Jenn or Mario out that would be so amazing. So i’m gonna hope that we just win, so I don’t have to deal with things. And like, okay I was totally cool with getting rid of Gavin but then he finally messaged me and I really do think I could use him more later on and I don’t think I could use Casey. Everything that Casey is doing is very very “pro heroes” and I feel like it’s very very pointedly so, and I just don’t trust it. Also Pat doesn’t want her to go home either, and Bridget already warned me that Casey has a lot of friends… plus I mean she’s WON. She knows what she’s doing.   And if we get rid of Gavin he could easily expose me and Logan for our alliance with him, which I really don’t want. Ughhhhh Can we please just win?? I know we can’t risk Amelia, but I think people might be mad if we get rid of Casey… I just… I feel like people aren’t realizing that we could easily get two villains out, especially a huge challenge threat like Jenn or Mario. Who would risk rocks?? No one! whatever. Okay but all of my alliances are: Me, Jess, Pat Me, Jess, Logan Me, Jess, Pat, Logan, Gavin (I think that’s still a thing?) Me, Jess, Amelia, Bridget Me, Logan, Gavin Me, Jess, Casey um who know’s if there’s more tbh. This is literally the same way I played in Egypt. The one good thing though is that Jess is in almost every alliance with me (Im assuming she may have some others I’m not in but I’m not certain), so she knows what Im doing cause she knows how I played in Egypt and could be worried about that if she wasn’t in all these things with me. I think that as of right now I’m MOST loyal to Logan. I’d like him, me, Bridget to go far together, but i don’t know if thats possible. I may have to stick with Jess over anyone just because she knows what she’s doing and I do trust her, but I just know she’d win over me. Look, I’m not set in anything. I think a lot is up in the air until merge/ Jenn/Mario/and Matt are out and people start turning on each other. Me and Logan agreed we just need to be small and let everyone tear each other apart first. Plus I know A LOT that some people don’t know about a lot of these people, so, I can tear these people apart… I promise you that. 

I’m dyING.. I was on call with Logan right, cause like a merge may happen soon, and I needed to feel out how he was feeling about the vote, make sure we’re making the right more and he was like “I wonder if people are gonna start to realize we’re in every alliance together” I I am so sorry Logan. Like I am literally so sorry that I’m lying to you about literally so much because I can’t tell you about how many alliances I am in. Really what should be the question is I wonder if people realize me and Jess are in almost every single alliance together (again I bet she has more but like, we’re in a lot together) I wanted to come into this game and not be such a freaking liar, but once a liar, always a liar I guess. And I know, I KNOW, that it’s not good cause people told me last season had I told them about more things they wouldve been fine, but had someone else told them they wouldve “dropped me in a second”… Ugh. Maybe that’s why me and Jess work well together… we’re both just villains pretending to be heroes with all our might. And she knows that about me. And everyone knows that about her. But anyway, at least that helped me know that he is with me. Though it’s gonna be a slippery slope at merge. That’s why I need to stick with Jess. She can take the brunt of all the hits. She can turn on people and i’ll just “follow”. And in the end, she’ll be the bigger threat and hopefully people will come to me about plans to flip, and no one will see me as anything worth while, because I’m just following Jess “blindly”. 

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1BNhQSklNFa

This vote could either be really easy or really difficult. You’d think that since there’s 4 heroes and Casey, we’d just vote off Casey if we lose, right? Well now it gets sort of complicated. Jenna and I would rather vote off Gavin because he’s never here, he’s super sketchy, and we have no idea what he’s planning at all. But for some reason, Logan really doesn’t want to do that. I guess he’s worried about Casey and Matt getting together if they’re on a tribe together? So in theory, we’d just suck it up and vote Casey. But then I’m also worried that there’s a sliiiiiight slight chance Casey has an idol. I know it’s like a 1% chance but that’s still a 1% risk I don’t want to take that she plays it and me or Jenna or Logan leaves. If she does have an idol and plays it AND votes for one of us three, the other two will just vote out Gavin on the revote (since that’s who I would vote for). But Logan is all worried about making Gavin feel safe and it’s like dude… he is never online. Why are we worried about making someone feel comfortable when they don’t contribute to our alliance at all?? He also said “oh we have to keep the heroes numbers up and while that’s true, it is possible for us to work with Casey. She has no one in the game, why are we isolating her intentionally when she could be a number for us (except unlike Gavin, she’s actually online to contribute to plans). The other tribe is also a mess. Pat and Bridget apparently convinced Matt to flip to avoid rocks and they’re like "yeah I really believe him”. Uhm okay well that’s the dumbest thing ever. You believe Matt Summers, the guy who single-handedly pissed off 10 people in an all stars season? The guy who forced rocks “for fun” even though he knew he had a chance of going? The guy who currently is outnumbered 8-5 but if he can get one of you out, will really increase his chances of being safe?? Yeah no I’m not buying it. I told Amelia no matter what, they should save Bridget this round. If Matt really wants to be on our side, they shouldn’t be going to a tiebreaker, and if he was lying I’d rather we have a near 100% chance Pat beats Shelby in a tiebreaker than a 50% chance we lose him or Bridget to rocks. [25-10-15 1:17:09 AM] Pat: Okay. Call me crazy, but I’m 99% sure Matt’s locked in. I think we’ve actually got this. this is the receipt I’m pulling on Pat when Matt Summers exposes himself as a liar and I was right the whole time.

Tribal is in an hour and as far as I know 3/5 of us haven’t voted and I STILL DON’T KNOW WHAT WE’RE DOING I s2g if Casey idols me or Jenna out, or Gavin and her have some big plan, or Amelia doesn’t save Bridget I will be SO DONE

[survivorhvv2]

“I HAVE LITERALLY WEAVED MYSELF A SWEATER FULL ENTIRELY OF LIES” - JENN

I’m a genius, and I love myself. Not only have I taken Hector away from Jessica, but I’ve also taken Jenn away from Jess. But I can’t get too confident, because watch, Jessica actually has no power in this game lol. But I’m usually right about these things. Not to mention, I don’t THINK people suspect I had any involvement with Hector’s blindside :) :) :) Hector, I love you, this was nothing personal. I just needed to shift power a little bit! But now, we’re faced with who will go home next. If Carvao loses, Jenn/Shelby will most likely save Casey and a hero will go home (probably Gavin, which makes sense, but he’s also someone I could probably use later). If Malvado loses and Carvao wins, MAYBE Jessica could give immunity to the right person. But it’s going to be a stretch, and everyone is going to be paranoid as hell after that immunity blindside :) If my tribe loses, it will probably be a tie between Shelby and Pat, to which they would enter a tiebreaker. Pat could probably win it, but that’s not a risk I’m really willing to take. Who knows what will happen! But isn’t it more exciting that way?

Hector got eliminated! I’m feeling sad vibes! And now, everyone is freaking out and paranoid! (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ Why did they trust Jenn!? Of course she would trick you! I knew she was shady and that we couldn’t trust the villains. A gay’s intuition is never wrong.

I mean Tbh I am sad that Hector left. Do I wish it was Pat? Yes. But it wasn’t, and I gotta adjust to the new game where the heroes aren’t in power anymore. I know everyones gonna be scrambling but again, all I gotta do is make people like me. I wanna stick with some Heroes, but if thats not gonna work Im not gonna die on a sinking ship. I want connections with Matt, I want Casey to see me as a number. I need these villains to see me as someone who would work with them, a non threat, just incase. I just feel like we need to win this one challenge to make sure theres one more tribe that has heroes with the captain twist, but i don’t know if that’s gonna happen so who knows. Im just scared cause I think we should be fine, but not for very long. There are too many splinters in this whole hero crap, and theres no way it’s gonna hold up for much longer. I’ll be the first one to flip, and that’s all that really matters tbh. 

I made the conscious decision to avoid posting a new confessional last night because I wanted to wait, clear my head and maybe come at this from a less aggressive standpoint. And I think it worked. This will be less aggressive than it would have been last night. So keep that in mind when you read this. FUCK SHIT FUCK GODDAMMIT SHIT ASS BALLS IN A MOTHERFUCKING BLENDER. PIECE OF SHIT GLORYHOLING TREACHEROUS DICKWEASELS. Ahem. I’m okay. Look, we got duped. Hard. There’s no way around that. It was a smart heads-up play by Matt, Jenn and Shelby. And I’d imagine Dom and Mario played some part in it, too. Am I pissed? Absolutely. We were in a great spot and because of our naïveté, we got burned. To make matters even worse, we all saw this was dangerous to some degree and appeared too simple. I take a lot of responsibility for this fuck-up of epic proportions. I gathered a lot of information without considering the source and, when Bridget was still concerned, I was the one who brought up the concept of Occam’s Razor. Should’ve known it’s NEVER as easy as it looks in here. That being said, it was damn smart move by the villains. Credit where it’s due. And now they’ve got us at a disadvantage. BUT it’s not over yet. There are a few silver linings to be taken from this: 1. This move will definitely galvanize the original Bondoso going forward. Where before, I was worried about the potential of a flip, the only one I’m concerned about now is Dom. And he’s probably the next one gone if Malvado loses here. 2. I’ve gained a lot of trust in Jess this past round. She was the one who first fed me the info about the immunity going to Matt, and I think she was as blindsided as I was. (Jess, don’t make me regret typing that when these are posted or I SWEAR TO GOD.) I mentioned that this galvanized us, and I think with Jess and I especially, we’ve both got a common goal here: revenge. So do most other heroes, too, I feel, but Jess and I were directly burned by this. Bridget, too, but her focus and mine this round is survival. We’ll build that bridge up some more once we’re sure to be safe. 3. Losing Hector sucks. Hardcore. I hope he comes back from RI fresh, in power and ready to dominate. But… at the risk of sounding arrogant… Matt and Shelby made a mistake by not taking me out. They have to know that we’re not just gonna sigh, ho-hum and get back to our gameplan. This means war. And keeping a *strong* competitor with a good strategic game over a *good* competitor with a good strategic game is not a wise move when war’s on the line. So, Jess, Jenna and I tossed around ideas for this comp last night. We’re in dire straits regardless. — Carvão pretty much can’t lose, because either we’ll be losing Casey (who really doesn’t fit on the villains tribe at all, IMO) or they’ll immunize her and one of Gavin or Jess will go. I know Gavin and Logan don’t trust Jess, and I worry this would be the time they’d make their move. — If Bondoso loses, the immunities become more or less irrelevant. Shelby can’t be immune twice in a row, so Bridget and I will pile on her. I can’t be immune, so Matt and Shelby will pile on me. Nobody will flip. It doesn’t make sense for anybody to flip. So we’d see a “fire-making” challenge. I like my odds there, depending on the comp, but the thought of elimination obviously makes me nervous. — The ideal situation would be to see Malvado go to tribal council. Realistically, we’d lose Dom. Ideally, they’d toss all their votes on Amelia, who we’d tell them we’re protecting just to see how they’d react. And then we’d actually protect Amelia. The good thing about five-person tribes with hidden immunity is that it’s not realistic to split votes. It leaves too much to chance and could royally backfire if the person receiving two votes is immune. — A sub-point to that last bit, I’d consider not immunizing Amelia at all, giving the power to someone else instead and leaving Amelia able to be immunized the next time Malvado goes to tribal. But that has a few drawbacks: if they vote Amelia anyway, they go and it leaves us with Dom. Who I’m on record as not trusting. If we want to control the immunity, we’d have to give it to Dom. Who I’m on record as not trusting. And if we gave it to a villain and Carvão ended up not winning, it would not be Jessica handing down the power, but rather a villain. Who I’m mostly on record as not trusting. So, dire straits. The odds are high that a hero is gone this round. So we need to choose our victim, I guess. And the odds are better of something going “wrong” on Malvado than anywhere else. So if we can make them lose and Carvão win, that would be a small victory. Ugh. Dammit, Jenn. Dammit, Shelby. Dammit, Matt Fucking Summers. I see why you got that nickname now. But well played. This isn’t over. To quote Omar from the Wire… “Come at the king, you best not miss.” You missed. Our turn.

Wow that worked, I am honestly shocked. We finally got out a hero. Sucked it had to be Hector but¯\_(ツ)_/¯. At least I’m safe. And now Shelby is captain so if we lose she can help me out a little. Things are finally starting to turn around for me.

Okay so i have a lot to catch up on The Johnny vote/ round:  Johnny thats your own fault man. Like we would have won the challenge and it would have saved me stress and we would have been up a number, we killed the puzzles and his 2 second thing ugh. I literally didnt know who to vote for until like 15 mins before, it was Emma but than she flipped it on Johnny, like i felt bad cause Johnny did save me but like he was so shady and a FLIP FLOOPA. But i was very nice to watch Mario fight someone that wasnt me! I feel no ill feelings towards Mario and while we will never be friends, I just hope we  will no longer be enemies. But that may be an unrealistic hope who knows? The Emma vote:  The music video challenge was fun, but only me, Matt and J*rdan did it. Then I heard the vote was between me and Emma due to the Capitao twist, and Jess gave me immunity but Emma got the votes anyway. I think Jess told the majority (not me lol) what she was doing and it was gonna be whoever didnt get it and I love Emma but im happy i got immunity, even though that clue was SHIT. That was har me Matt and Emma were on the botton Tribe Swap: YAS. YAS. YAS. I was next to go on Malvado so thank god for this. Jenn came back from RI, a little too early if you ask me. If someone comes back every 3 rounds this came is gonna take forever. So our tribe was Me, Daniel, Shelby and J*rdan, and Amelia, Dom, Pat and Hector. As soon as I saw this I wanted to flip. I hated being on the villains tribe. IM A NEAT LADY, i was never cut out for the villains! Chaos Casey was an act to shake up the season, gamewise i didnt view myself as the villain! But id say I was to play again! The villains were almost all legitamate physcopaths. Plus no one seemed into it, no one was on, and for villains my god did they SUCK at lying. Jordan Pines is the most obvious liar i have met in my life. But hes good to keep around cause you can tell when hes lying lol. I immedaitly latched on to Pat, though i know he has a way with words and is crafty, I acted like I fell for it hook line and sinker, didnt talk to Dom but he seems cool, I love Amelia they can do no wrong, and Hector is cool too, I always wanted to play with him. I really liked Shelby and Daniel but they chose not to tell me about Emma, so they were dead to me. Like after fucking crying on call to Daniel about Laure i thought we had a bond, i thought we had a connection, but I suppose thats all went to shit. And shelby doesnt talk to me unless she wants something. All the villains only talk to me when they want something. SO now when youre ass is on the line, you want to call me and work together, yeah okay losers. OH AND YOU WANNA WORK WITH ME BUT YA THROW MY NAME OUT LIKE 3 SECS INTO THE SWAP??? JUST NO. NO. NO. Dumbass villains. You catch more flies with honey, cause none of yall are fly. So I flipped to the heroes. NO RAGRETS. I felt a little bad since Daniel called me earlier int he day, but deep down i think the villains knew i flipped, cause right before Daniel got voted out he was like please save me Casey, like really bitch you thought it was me, well youre right fucker. I wanna be a hero again, I;m done with these villains. Tribe swap AGAIN????? Just when I’m comfortable in the majority, WE SWAPPED AGAIN? REALLY? WHAT WAS THE POINT OF SWAPPING BEFORE. IS THIS FUCKING BONER ISLANDS ALL OVER AGAIN. LIKE SERIOUSLY IVE SWAPPED EVERY ROUND #NOTAFAN. I’m on the Charcoal tribe??? Good news Jess is on my tribe, bad news im the only villain. Im hoping to find a crack but i know if we lose its probaby gonna be me, Jenna talks to me alot as Jess, so im hoping for some girl power, but in the events of tribal its not looking god. Im expecting two more swaps so if we can avoid tribal till then i shuld be good, but im scared the villains wont give me immunity during the Capitao twist but since i turned on them i think ill be fucked. But who knows, I thought that i was gonna get voted every round but, bitch im still here. 

[6:29 PM] Matt Summers: I think we’re winning this one TBH No, Matt Fucking Summers, we are not winning this one. I’ve been throwing them steadily since… [1:00 PM] Pat: portugese …with a few well-placed correct ones so as not to arouse suspicion.You can’t possibly think I’m short-sighted enough to trust you again. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, fuck you Matt Summers. But we’re still geeking the hell out about WVU football when all this is done.

Logan & Gavin: sounds good captain! me: do NOT use the C word in here!!!!!! don’t!!! say that!!!!! I am the worst Pris ever, time to channel MJ’s constant paranoia and challenge abilities to see if that helps me win instead

I’m being literally no help to the tribe right now, but as long as we continue to thrive, that seems to be a minor issue. I need to make sure Jenna realizes I still have her back (at least for now), and work from there. If it comes down to it, I may have to use misdirection tactics at a tribal if it comes down to myself and someone else for the vote. One more thing… *Happy Dance @Héctor Heading Home From RI* Héctor, you’re a solid player, and this reaction is only showing you how much I feared you as a player… especially when you truly were not an ally of mine. Over these past few days, I have talked a lot with Matthew (who sent you home), and slowly my personal game is starting to take form ^_^

Okay actually I changed my mind, it was NOT good with Hector going. I am clearly on the bottom of the alliance with Pat and Jess. With Hector, Jess was more tethered to us but now, her and Pat could really become a power duo. Hector was also a vote. A vote to not bring Pat and Jess to the end. Now I just have Logan who I trust wholeheartedly. So what I need to do is start forming the group with Bridget, hope to god that either Gavin gets more active or Casey would work with me. Maybe even pull in Amelia to be tighter with who the fuck knows. If Pat and Jess stay loyal to me and they end up not being taken out cause of how threatening they both are, then fuck it. Let them drag me to the end. Let me be their perfect goat who really didn’t do anything and let them fight each other cause they are too threatening to each other. Because I did do things. I am aware. And honestly, I could probably win if they aren’t very well liked. So We’ll see but without Hector My plans went south fast. 

alrighty so i have an alliance with dom and jenn now and that’s going great. there was a small kerfuffle over jenn giving shelby the idol yesterday, but i honestly wasn’t too bothered by that because i already assumed she would try to keep her villains safe, like that’s just how it works, but apparently jess is really mad about it and jordan’s also mad because “the villains left him out of the loop”, so idk. i’m sad that hector is gone but i’m also kind of relieved that a hero finally got taken out because honestly? i’m not about to go into the merge with like 9 heroes and 4 villains or whatever i’m just not here for that it’s too much and i know 3 of those heroes (gavin, logan, pat) are lowkey or perhaps highkey trying to get me out and the other ones (jess and jenna in particular but also possibly bridget) are probably closer with each other than with me, and none of them picked me for the tribeswap sooooooo. jess is acting like she’s really with me and everything but i don’t know how far that will go. anyway, the point is i’m looking forward to getting to know some other people better. especially jenn. i’ve talked to her a lot, and she’s lovely. but also just….when it comes to this game, jenn is very good, and i’m kind of fascinated watching her. it’s like, we’ve been tossed in the ocean and i’m doing my best to tread water and doggy paddle and i feel like i’m doing a pretty good job keeping my head above water. and then i look to my left and there’s jenn doing a beautiful breaststroke or butterfly or whatever you call it. and yeah, i could keep treading water for a long time, but i do get exhausted. jenn could just go forever. her upper arm strength is superb.

anyways. jenn definitely knows what she’s doing, and she doesn’t BS as far as i can tell, which are both positive things in my eyes. i do believe that she’s with me and dom right now. so the plan for tribal, as far as i know now, is that we vote out jordan because jenn is worried about mario coming back from redemption and fucking us up if we try to vote him out now. personally i’d prefer to get rid of him because he doesn’t really talk to me and he seems shadier than jordan, but that’s a valid concern and i just want it to not be me honestly. jordan’s been telling me that he’s mad at jenn and mario and wants to flip to me & dom to vote out jenn, which i told jenn about; and i don’t really know what mario wants yet because he had to go somewhere or whatever but he messaged me and was like “i’ve wanted to work with you” so who knows where that will lead.

additionally, jess has told me about a hundred times that she’s going to save me with the capitao twist; i’m hoping that’s legit and i think it is, but i also don’t want to count on that, so hopefully between these three villains we can figure out something to do that works out fine. at least i haven’t had to throw dom under the bus so far, which is nice. gotta stay tuned though.

Lots of thoughts to get out after yesterday, so bear with me. First things first, I’m bummed that we had to throw that one so overtly. I really enjoyed that comp (and, as I showed in the first part, I was pretty good at it when I was trying.) Very cool concept and definitely more of a marathon than a sprint. Once it started seeming logical to start “accidentally” getting a few wrong, I could get away with the occasional typo. And when Logan threw his second-to-last one, the last question before Survivor aired, it seemed like it was over. They could take their time and get them all right. We could throw them. Malvado was a total non-entity. The important thing was that we didn’t need to get any points, which would have left us comfortably in second, just behind Carvão as planned. Then, disaster. Logan answered the “all-women final” question with Pearl Islands. I think he thought it was right. I have no reason whatsoever to believe he’s working with Shelby, Jenn, Jordan, Mario or any of the villains. So I think it was an honest mistake, but also one that made things way tougher than they should have been. I was all ready to post something like Micronesia on that last question, and I’m sure I would have had it submitted before Matt posted All Stars. But when the question was deleted, I didn’t bother. And frankly, the break was a positive because it let me re-think things and decide, hey, if I’m trying to get in a fast and incorrect answer, maybe an answer as long as ‘micronesia’ isn’t as good as, say, ‘fiji.’ I really, really didn’t like throwing it as blatantly as I ended up having to do. I toyed with the idea of just pre-typing and sending 'throw’ earlier in the day, which would’ve made sure we couldn’t have gotten to the place we did. But then that had me worrying that another tribe might try to beat me to the throw, and it’d be a real race to the bottom. Plus, it felt dishonest. But hey, throwing comps is a perfectly legitimate strategy and even works out sometimes. So, I said Fiji. On a question about mutinies. I’m pretty well-versed on Survivor knowledge despite not having seen all the seasons. So I know mutinies have been offered in Thailand (not taken,) Tocantins on Exile (not taken by anyone and therefore never aired,) and Cook Islands (one of my top ten seasons, and taken by one of my favourite players ever in Penner.) I coud’ve been right there. I know I could’ve typed it up quickly enough. But that would’ve left immunity in Shelby’s hands. Not our best move at all. Not after what just happened. That would keep it in their hands — namely, Jenn, Mario or Jordan would get it and perpetuate the cycle of a villain getting the power, which we just can’t do. Plus, although it was obviously entirely in the interests of self-preservation, I think it’s pretty reasonable that I don’t trust Shelby right now. No hate on a spectacular game move by them — but obviously their interests and mine don’t exactly align. So, imagine my surprise when I get this from Jordan before Survivor starts: [2015-10-21, 7:51:51 PM] Jordan Pines {Big Brother Fun Host}: I’m really worried right now, because i was not in the know at all for last round, and now that were going to tribal i think i might be getting turned against [2015-10-21, 7:52:15 PM] Jordan Pines {Big Brother Fun Host}: and while i had nothing to do with what happened, i think jessica might think i did [2015-10-21, 7:52:39 PM] Jordan Pines {Big Brother Fun Host}: so if you guys could do all you could to win first so i could try to get shelby to use it on me, id really appreaciate it [2015-10-21, 7:53:08 PM] Jordan Pines {Big Brother Fun Host}: i know you are already trying your best [2015-10-21, 7:53:16 PM] Jordan Pines {Big Brother Fun Host}: but i would owe you so much if you pulled off this win We’d talked about him being “out of the loop” on the decision earlier in the day, and I don’t buy it for a nanosecond. No way does Jenn make a move that so unilaterally draws the line in the sand without first checking to make sure her team is on board. It just doesn’t have the ring of truth to it. More to the point — he’s telling me that Shelby would potentially use it on him. Even if I discarded everything I knew or suspected about the game up until this point, that would be a massive red flag. You’re telling me that you’ll benefit if the power is in the hands of someone who was directly responsible for my own ally’s departure? C'mon. How stupid do you think I am, dude? The friend of my enemy is also my enemy. And while Jordan may have been believable at first, he’s gotten progressively more sloppy as the game’s worn on. He’s going to be a huge liability if this keeps up. Anyway, enough about that. The comp went as planned — largely — and now it’s up to Jess to sell Malvado on the “bluff” that Amelia is getting the immunity. Worst case, Dom goes home, who I have some reservations about anyway. So it’s a win-win, in my eyes. The only one possible this week. Enough about the competition and incoming tribal council. I want to talk about this wonderful, beautiful, excellent, shining bastion of awesomeness that is the immunity idol. Oh, shit, that should’ve said “maddening, confusing, frustrating, aggravating trinket from hell.” My mistake. The two new clues — awesome, right?! I more or less figured it out right off the bat. Or at least, I think I did. It makes too much sense for those clues not to be how it works. Two questions directly answered Bondoso idol clues, and they matched the syntax of the clue perfectly. Six votes against Sherri in Caramoan was the answer to question six, meaning that the sixth position of the password is a 6. And Janu Tornell was the answer to the seventh question, which matches the first letter of a quitter from seasons 11-30. So the clue ends in 6J, everything is awesome, and that narrows the list substantially! So Jess, Jenna and I go through the entire list over a couple hours, using proxies to get around the rate limit, and we basically just brute force that sucker. And it doesn’t budge. We go through the ~800 possibilities with no luck, then I look back at the clues. And I pull the biggest facepalm of all time. Two nights ago, when the endurance comp started, I was on call with Jess, Jenna, Hector, Ryan and Teddy. We were talking immunity and strategies for the comp and all, when the conversation turned to the fact that I pronounce Marquesas wrong. (I pronounce it with a hard QU, like Mahr-KWAY-sis. Sue me.) And that led into Hector saying all the season names in Spanish. Which led to me saying all the season names in order. Only, I struggled a little bit with the order of a few of the middle seasons. Among others, I was sure Palau was season 11. Yeah. Janu Tornell was not, as I was sure, a quitter from seasons 11-30 whose first letter of her first name should be used. No, she was a quitter from seasons 1-10, whose last letter of her last name should be used. I felt — FEEL — like a complete moron. I should’ve caught that. I wasted so much collective time on that. But anyway, after catching that, I made some alterations to the code I was using to generate every possibility of combinations for the letters and numbers we had. And being able to eliminate all the numbers from the Caramoan clue made things a lot clearer and less muddled. We ended up having slightly more than 1,000 clues ending in 6L after filtering out clues that inputted the age twice, clues that didn’t input any age, and clues that doubled up on letters or gave us impossible combinations. I dummied through 500 of those solo last night before calling it quits at about 1 a.m. Jessica and Jenna handled all the rest while I was enjoying my five hours of sleep. But — disaster. I wake up, check and see that every single possible permutation has been guessed. And we’re no further ahead. Shit. I think we’re at a bit of an impasse at the moment. I’m fairly convinced that a 6L ending makes a ton of sense. It just fits too perfectly. But then I looked up in our chat, and J-squared are talking about the Malvado side clues.  And my heart sank. I glanced at them quickly last night around the time the new clues were revealed and pretty quickly narrowed it down. Obviously the answers on that side were the B for Robb Zbacnik in Thailand as a pre-merger in the 4th slot, and the tribe names from Fiji, which each have 4 letters in them, in the 2nd slot. But then, after looking closer, those clues didn’t match up with the 1L 1D 1L 3D 1L clue. Not the Robb clue, anyway. And the clue about the Cooks pre-merger, Cristina, in the 5ht spot doesn’t work either. For the same reason. So, I think we’re back to the drawing board with regards to positioning. Which is, let me tell you, so frustrating. I don’t get how it could be any other way. There are seven digits, right? And there are two questions from the Bondoso clue clearly answered in the first seven questions, right? And none elsewhere. Dave Johnson got 9th. Votes against Sherri are 6. Pre-merge contestant ages are easy to find on the Wiki. Pre-merge Panama second letters are just all the vowels. (Misty, Ruth-Marie, Dan, Bobby, Melinda, Tina) Quitters from 11-30 include Kathy, Naonka, Kelly, Dana, Colton, Lindsay and Julie. CDJKLN. And Janu’s last name ends in an L. So we’ve got the variables right. I literally just double checked all of those. So if we do a loop where the code is 3 digits, 1 letter, 1 digit, 1 letter, and assume it’s formatted like ?????6L, that leaves us with the unknown number slots being some combination of 9 and the pre-merge Gabon ages. And the letters are a vowel and a consonant, in some order. But it can’t be two vowels, two consonants or any doubles. So I filtered all those out. That left us with the list we used last night. And we got… exactly nowhere. I know it’s not like the proxy was causing a problem, either. A password field is a password field — if a correct password is entered, it grants access regardless of where in the universe it thinks the user is inputting the password. I’m stumped. I’m drained. I’m exhausted. And while I think I can beat Shelby at the inevitable tie-break comp that’ll come next round, being able to pull an immunity idol and blindside them like we were blindsided would be enormous. Not to mention the fact that an idol in our hands de facto means no idol in their hands. But with the clues not lining up on the Malvado idol, and no clues about Samoa, Redemption Island or any specific Australian Outback players, the only other thing I could think of is Robb in the 6th slot and Cristina in the 7th, to reflect their positioning in the game. But that doesn’t work for Cristina, and I don’t know why you’d do that for just one person but not the other. Unless Cristina was meant as a red herring, and it’s supposed to be Robb at 6 and 4 (Fiji tribe names) at 2? Ugh. Never give a complicated logic puzzle to an overly neurotic, chronically overthinking dude. He’ll either overthink it, obsess over it endlessly or lose his mind trying to solve it. Right now, I’m teetering on the edge of the latter two.

Aaaaaaaaand now for my next trick, I will pull from this hat… MATCHES! BUT WAIT! ALSO, GASOLINE! And now, watch and be amazed as I use these ordinary objects to BURN ALL THESE PERFECTLY GOOD BRIDGES. So, for starters, I did a thing. Might have been a bad thing. But I can see why these cool kids say Villains have more fun. But I also feel like I did one time when I accidentally hit my mom’s car with my car and then just let her think it was a hit and run? A very distinct feeling. Has no place in Internet Survivor. The thing about this that I admittedly didn’t consider when I decided to do what I did (this being lie to the Heroes about the Villain I was going to use my immunity magic on and get one of them voted out instead) was that I look like a dickhead. Me and pretty much only me. Whoops. And also Matthew, for some reason. Like, the extent to which people will get shitty towards Matthew for stuff that he did not even do is insane. Anyway. That whole thing wasn’t even my idea. It was Mario’s. And so on one hand, it looks like I did this. But on the other hand, it LOOKS like I DID this. Neither of those are good. And so now Jessica is mad at me. She’s acting like she’s not but I’m on good authority that she’s pissed, because Hector was her ally and now he’s gone. But also. Also. I didn’t tell Matt and Shelby who to vote for, and so it wasn’t like I was specifically targeting Jessica’s allies, because I had no fucking idea that she was that close to Hector. All she said was that she’d prefer that none of them went because they were the good ones. Those words mean nothing to me. They’re all good ones. Actually, the only people she told me she was working with were Jenna and Bridget, and Bridget fucking flipped and confirmed who they were voting for (not that it mattered because again, Pat and Jessica trusted me). So, whatever. She wasn’t being totally straight with me either. And so now the majority of the people left (the Heroes) has no trust in Jenn, because Jenn tells lies. And I have staked my interest in the group of people who voted me out. Yes. So, seeing no reason to lie, I told Jessica the exact reason why I did this big bad thing. It wasn’t about her, it was about the fact that there are eleven thousand Heroes left in this game and the majority of them didn’t trust me before. Like, she said it herself. They thought (correctly) that I’d vote with the Villains. And on top of that, I’m not a fan of being strong armed and pressed about throwing a challenge to get Amelia or Dom out every day. She literally found some way to bring it up every. Single. Day. But that ended up not mattering, because we lost anyway. And here’s another thing that makes me sound like a dick. I can understand getting angry about this. I have accepted that there are some people put an incredible amount of time and effort into this because it matters to them, and when stuff goes wrong, it sucks. I get it. I understand the concept of caring about stuff. But I can’t take that anger seriously. Not even a little bit. Which is where I am a dick, you see. Let me know if that makes me sound like a fucking sociopath. Maybe we’ll edit this out. We’ll talk. And so while I knew that she was mad, I explained what happened like such a prick because I sort of just wanted to explain what happened and have things not be weird. And ALSO. We got to do a challenge where the ideal scenario is for someone to be awake all night and be at the computer all day. And I’m so annoyed. The timing is super-great, guys. The challenge where I’m basically guaranteed to do shitty because this will never ever ever be important enough for me to not sleep or be present in my actual daily life definitely should come right after I blew up my own spot. But anyway, this vote. I don’t know. I kind of assumed like a fucking moron that we wouldn’t really have to go to tribal. So I set up another alliance with Dom and Amelia, because I figured it’d be good to be in the numbers. But now we have to vote someone out and I’m in the middle, as far as I can tell. Disgusting. My prediction at this point is that I get fucking Christy Smith’d out. If they’re smart they’d do that. Because this is exhausting and I don’t have the patience for it. I don’t think I’m even being really sneaky about playing both sides. Anyway it’ll probably be a Hero that I vote for because that’s the trend that’s been set. But either way I have literally weaved myself a sweater full made entirely of lies. This is so dumb.

We won immunity! Yippee! We all tried our best in the trivia challenge. Even Casey, who wasn’t playing, was a great cheerleader and kept us motivated. I am kinda worried that people may be thinking that Gavin, Jenna, Jessica, and I are a tight foursome… I mean, we’ve swapped onto the same tribe every time so far and keep winning. That builds bonds, ya know? If I was someone who isn’t me, I would be worried about that. But, I really want to avoid going to tribal until the merge. I think that would be a totally rad thing to achieve. I’m crossing my fingers and my toes that we can save both Amelia and Dom at their tribal. That would be spectacular!

OMG I am lying through my teeth right now, I don’t think I have said something honest to someone all day. So with the vote looming and the chance that I might go home, I figured I should re-cap what a crazy intense day this has been. So basically what me Jenn and Mario are doing is making it seem like I had no idea about what happened with Shelby last round, even though it was basically my idea. So I’m going to Jessica, oh i’m so angry, fuck the villains, why do they keep lying to me I cant stand them. Then i go to Amelia and Dom and am like yo fuck the villains, it’s time for machu to team up and cause some mayhem. So I tell Dom and Amelia that I am going to pretend to be still with Jenn and Mario and find out how they are voting. So I got to Jessica being like I am teaming up with the heroes now, screw the villains. Let’s make a plan together. Then I go back to Dom and Amelia with this plan that the villains want to vote for Dom and that I can vote Dom with them, but I can give Dom immunity, so Dom stays and I can keep bringing them info from the villains. Now final part of my plan. Explain all of this to Jenn and Mario and together we vote out Amelia. Litterally a billion things can go wrong and I am excited. If I go home tonight, who even cares. If i stay I just created the best plan ever and am loving it.

[survivorhvv2]

EPISODE 6“I THINK THIS MIGHT WORK” - BRIDGET

What a suprise, the plan fell apart and im back on the bottom. and you know whats sad. Im not even upset that this happened, no im upset that i allowed myself to have hope that something could go right for me in this game. I truly believed that for once I could be on top again. I held onto that hope for 5 whole minutes before it came crashing down to me, realizing i was stupid for having hope. Oh well, no reason to pout, better to go back to the drawing board. How can i survive just one more round. honestly who the fuck knows at this point.

http://vocaroo.com/i/s10PpgEg9xv2

Me: Sets it up so that no ones worried about Logan/Logan will be in all the main alliance groups I have cause I don't want him to go home.

Also me: "I'm not gonna do what I did last time. Im not gonna play for two people! I'm looking out for myself and I'm not gonna be stupid like last time and trust someone wholeheartedly like last time."

:) What could possibly go wrong.

Tribe swap... just like a thought... The odds of having the majority of heroes were high. And with a 4-4 tribe split, we got close of being picked off one by one. Luckily, we got a sensitive villain in our tribe that said adiós to her old tribe. Chaos Casey staying true to her brand! Right after we lost immunity, I was barely approached by the villains, but we had a heroes chat where we could compare notes and WOW...Those snakes are getting tangled in their own snakepit!  I LOVE IT. The villains getting caught is golden because we can see throw their lies and we know now what game they are playing. Daniel hasn't been online and I don't know where he stands so voting him out seems good to me. Jordan: "I would love to work with the heroes" Jordan: *tries to pit the heroes against each other* And what do you know... Hector's curse is present in this season as well! An allie self votes in a crucial vote! HA, we all now how it ends.. he'd be gone in the next few tribals. Johnny approached me after tribal and say that he'd beg me to keep Shelby, I said that I didn't want Shelby out but she ain't helping. I'll totally reach out for her later, who would waste that kind of deal? Two villains begging? That's precious. 

Two text confessionals back to back? Ugh, I'm slippin'. Actually, I'm out the door in ten minutes. Two birthday parties to get to. But first, a quick summary of where we're at: - Villains are bummed that they might get picked off. Told Jordan and Shelby I wasn't about that life, because I'd really like to get rid of Dom. - Heroes not doing great at the challenge. Amelia couldn't get past world 1, Hector's still on world 2 as of writing this. Dom did the best of the batch, scoring 300k-ish. - Villains doing better. Casey's busy, but she has a very legit reason. Expecting a low score there. But Shelby seems to have a decent score, and it's obvious she's busting her ass as much as she can, given she's travelling. And Jordan's very close to the end. I'd be surprised if he doesn't complete the game. - And, of course, I'm ahead of everyone with about 575k. That's problematic because I think we're starting to get to that point where people are considering who'd be best to cut before the merge. And I can't be immune this round. - Heroes, meanwhile, are killing it. Not surprising, with Mario and Jenn again on the same tribe, playing a flash game. But even without those two, I think they'd likely beat us this week. Half the tribe just seems uber busy this weekend. So, after dodging nearly every tribal so far, I'm now on my second in a row. I need to lay low on this one. Could be a great opportunity to strike against Dom if the votes are there, but that could be problematic for future votes if Amelia isn't on board. On the other hand, I'd feel terrible about selling false hope to Shelby and Jordan if we can't swing the votes. And besides, not voting is a cardinal fuckin' sin in my eyes. You have 24 hours to do it, and it's not hard to send a name and nothing else via mobile. If that would've been the difference maker, I'd have been livid. And if it was a ploy to keep playing both sides, then that's a sign that we might have to strike sooner than later. I know we're going to tribal council. I don't want to. There's no realistic way I come out ahead this week. Just gotta keep my head down and power through without getting too paranoid. That's going to be a problem.

So, time for a brief check in. I'll finish my cast assessment later, but I just wanted to provide a bit of info on what has happened during the challenge. It is true, I had some issues with the challenge, but I could have probably resolved them through playing a bit further and continually trying until I passed the level. Bridget's help was much needed, but going on screenshare with her just showed her I have nothing to hide whatsoever. I checked chats freely, as if she wasn't there to further solidify trust. Can't hurt, can it ;3 Now, of course I have stuff to hide though. I deleted PMs and group chats of importance from my side bar prior to the screenshare. She's smart enough to know I probably did something like that, so this have been a "¯\_(ツ)_/¯" type thing, but the chance of it helping my game is a lot greater than it hurting my game. Lastly, damn you computer!

Okay I was gonna talk about this mysterious twist thing that I'm the only one supposedly that knows about. I hate twists. I hate having to make decisions. And I hate having to keep things to myself. And this is the trifecta of things I hate. Even if I wanted to turn in a score (which my gut tells me I shouldn't do anyway) I don't have any time to do it cause I found out about it right before my plane was leaving and I'm not getting home until the challenge is due. If it's something annoying, I'll just have to deal. I'm hoping that because I don't have to do it it's not something earth shattering or unrecoverable, but I'm not gonna underestimate it. If it's something like an idol clue I really don't care. I hate idols. Plus, me not participating keeps any parinoia off of me. If it's a tribe swap based on scores.... Or something involving redemption island.... Well there's nothing I could've done anyway. 

My reaction to these twists: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bd2B6SjMh_w

Ideally, I want Logan, Pat, Dom, and Shelby on my tribe. I want two people who I know I can trust and trust one another, and two who can easily be picked off. Also, I'm not finishing the rest of that NuBondoso cast assessment >,> Lastly, Pat and I already worked out that I would be immune if NuBondoso lost the challenge, and the way Pat handled the convo helped him gain my loyalty even more. 

Okay I'm sorry I don't wanna do too many confessionals but, after calling with Gavin now I'm really confused. I feel like he's caught on to me working with everyone? But like ???? I don't know I feel like he's either extremely unaware of what's happening in this game or is completely playing me. Either is equally as confusing. I think I have enough other solid things set up, and hopefully we're not on the same tribe just incase he wants me out. If he does make it to merge though and isn't against me, I may actually work with him, cause right now it seems like a really solid option. 

I'm crying, holy shit, i've never been so happy to see a tribe swap. This game has just been how much can we shit on jordan and it looks like i might finally have a chance. While I don't know what tribe im going to be on it looks like Jenn is working something out so we can have me and mario on the tribe and i'm like sitting here crying for joy. I've just been trying to survive as hard as i can, and now here I am finally able to make some progress. I'm just so happy.

So Jenna picks Logan, showing that she most likely trusts Logan over me. I'm in a bind to be quite honest, and I am going to have to really turn it on no matter what tribe I get on. Dom being picked prior to me on the Mario/Jenn/Jordan tribe is scary, as I am pretty sure those three will stick together with Dom and I on he outs. With Dom being picked before me, I may be toast there. I could maybe work something with Pat if I got on his tribe, but Pat hasn't even made an effort to talk to me despite having the first pick... unsettling to say the least. Ugh, I miss Somalia where I had a lot of time... I'm trying to play a social game with so little time on my hands that it is looking too pathetic at times.

[10/18/15 1:47:30 PM] Logan: No, I'm gonna do what I can to make sure you're save, too. I mean, that's what an alliance does. Plus you're my friend. This, though super nice on the part of Logan, scares me to no end. If he and others do bring outside friendships into play, that does not bode well for my personal game, being the new guy on Tumblr. Though this schoolyard pick as a whole really sheds new light on a few things. It has brought me back to reality, seeing who trusts who and such. Slowly trying to talk with Matt, and I am enjoying being able to talk to him again. Jenna undoubtedly trusts Logan more than me. I'm playing such a game where I would have some issues trusting myself. I need to get to tribal and prove loyalties, as I don't want my downfall to be not going to tribal and not showing people like Jenna and Logan that they can in fact trust me. 

Okay. A lot of stuff happened in the last week. Like, a LOT. Like, to the point where I think that maybe it's been over a week, but I can't be too sure and I don't know how I'd go about checking. Anyway, chronologically: I got back into the game. Before that, Emma got voted out and I talked to her for the first time, and she was nice. Kinda wish I'd talked to her before, because now she is not in the game anymore. And then we played that game with the driving at night and the steering wheel coming off and I won that and got back in. And I had kinda figured that we'd either swap tribes or I'd be given the option to go over to the Heroes tribe when I came back, because I think the Villains had maybe one or two people left on that tribe, because they were just real terrible. I can't stress enough how bad things were going over there. Anyway, we ended up swapping, and I was on a tribe with the following people: 1. Mario. 2. Jessica. 3. Jenna. 4. Bridget. 5. Gavin. 6. Logan. and 7. Matthew. Which was nice while it lasted, because I was happy to work with Jessica, with whom I am familiar, and I was glad to be with one of my apparent alliance with Mario and Jordan. And then the rest of them were also good. Jenna had kinda been talking to me a little since I got voted out, and Matthew is also a person who I know. Also Jessica said she had been working with Jenna and Bridget when the tribes were normal. She also said that the Heroes were worried that I'd vote with the Villains, which is bizarre because I'm fairly positive they voted me out first, but it doesn't really matter because the other tribe voted out Daniel and we fucking swapped the tribes again. Before I talk about that, I'd just like to point out that the two people who flipped on me in that first vote have now gotten their comeuppance, and that is a fact that has not escaped my attention, and it is duly noted. And so. The other swap. I got to pick a group of five names out of this larger group of fifteen who, on any given day, I will remember maybe about fifty percent of. I wasn't super-available right after the challenge, which is good because Pat wasn't around either, and Jessica laid out the ideal tribe configurations. Which?????????? Okay. I'm just gonna lay it out here right now, just so the record shows it, that I am skeptical of someone else being like, "THIS IS WHAT WILL WORK BEST FOR EVERYONE." I wasn't gonna complain about it, because I ended up on a tribe with the two people I'm working with, one of them being Mario who is, shall we say, handy with the Flash games. But then she told me that it might be a good idea for us to throw a few challenges so we could get rid of the fodder Heroes that we got to round out our five people. And. Um. I don't really know about that. Like, my assumption is that Jessica is the one running this big group of Heroes. She's smart and she is capable of doing that. Whether or not she wants me to be a part of that will be important come merge time if I get there. But, assuming that list she gave me of the "ideal" way the tribes would look is correct, she kinda revealed which Heroes are on the outs, which would be Gavin, Dom, and Amelia. Jessica mentioned that the girls were kinda weirded out by Gavin, and also that Dom isn't well liked because he self voted. And Jordan also told me that Amelia might have gotten voted out last time if she hadn't flipped or something? I don't know, I was driving and I didn't really read it super-carefully, but if that's true, that gives credence to the thing about this list being true? Maybe? So, assuming the next couple of challenges aren't fucking flag making challenges or dance competitions, we'd ostensibly be able to power through these next couple of votes without losing anyone. And if Dom picks Amelia, which I hope he does, we could possibly have a five-person alliance coming into the merge. We could also do that with Casey, but I feel like that would take quite a lot of coaxing because I'm guessing that bridge is still very much on fire. She's given me the impression that she's a bit of a grudge holder in these games. So, hopefully Amelia, and again, this is only something that could happen if I'm right about them being on the outs. Either way, I feel like I'm reasonably well-set up. But I also thought that last time, and I got voted out. I think on the bright side, if I get voted out again or even for a third time, maybe I'll beat the record for the most votes. I like to set my bars quite high. 

Another swap!! I was NOT ready for this but I was not worried because I have a few cards across the board that I can play with. I definitely feel close with Jenna and Jessica and Pat, although we haven't made a solid alliance since we don't know if Pat has already one with the boys of the original Bondoso. In the last few days I've talked more game with Pat than anyone else and we think alike. What we have should be solid. On the other hand, I have had some word with some villains: Johnny and Matt. But it's nothing solid, and they are not really offering anything yet. Matt just wants to be saved and Johnny wants a Kiwayu final 3 kinda thing but Shelby is not really trying to do anything; I don't think they have discussed this before. And what do you know, Jessica, Jenna and me came up with a school yard list that came true almost entirely. Bondoso was just formed as we wanted. We have to keep winning so I don't have to get rid of Shelby or Matt, whom I would work with further. I don't trust Bridget as much but she's in Pat's good side so I'm gonna rest on that. In case we lose, it breaks my heart to say that Matt is gonna be the easy vote, no one really trusts him enough to pull him into something. To be honest, he's gonna be alone at some point and that is very valuable. Shelby hasn't really done anything wrong but everyone thinks she's sneaky, I need to talk to Johnny and her to see what's on their minds. As for now, I think the villains might be going one at a time, with some window for a blindside moving forward, too. The pecking order for the heroes might be Dom, Gavin, Amelia, Bridget... with Logan, Pat, Jenna, Jessica and me at final 5. It sounds too easy and too good to be true. I'd throw some habanero sauce to this vanilla season, don't worry.

Okay, so that tribe swap? I don't even know what happened. But, yet again, Jessica is the source of confusion. Originally, she told me she wanted me, her, and Jenna on her tribe. I didn't really want it to be that way, because I don't think she trusts me, so I don't trust her not to turn on me. Originally, she was going to pick me first, so I could pick Jenna. Once she learned Pat was picking Hector, she wanted to choose Jenna first, thinking Hector would pick her. That's fine, whatever. Then, Pat came to me in the morning to tell me I was most likely staying on Bondoso after him and Jess strategized last night. I said nothing about what Jess and I had discussed earlier, and instead went to Jenna. Jenna looked at her messages and said Jess messaged her pretty late saying they were switching things up to make Logan feel better about being in the group or whatever. And she didn't want Pat/Hector and Gavin/Logan together. Okay, whatever, that makes sense. And I'm glad to be on Pat's tribe, to be honest. But then... Jessica came to me and was like, "Oh no!!! Hector stole you!!!!" I had already asked her if plans were changing, but then said I talked to Jenna and thought it made sense. She knew I knew what the plans were and yet? Acted like? Hector stole me? So I told her, "Oh I was told it was planned lol" and she was just like, "What??!?!?!" Like, what the fuck. I can't stand her being in control, but I just need to lie low for a while because I feel like she has a lot of loyal people and she's slimy as fuck. I don't think she'd hesitate for a second to tell people I was plotting or some shit so they'd vote me out. I don't know, I don't feel safe at all.

Here’s a fun story. I was at a play when that tribe swap was posted, and as luck would have it, intermission happened just as 10pm happened. For some reason I can’t see Jenn's posts to the tag from the Tumblr app on my phone, so I actually thought I won and that she didn’t post anything, but then nope. No no nope. Not even. And then I had to sit through the second half of fucking West Side Story knowing that I was fucked. Pooooooooor Jess. - a story by Jenn

the hosts: there is a swap me: “ya but how many chainz” i holler from the back of the crowd. suddenly its my show and your girlfriend is on my arm now. shes also a man and your gay

I hate hate hate this idol clue configuration. I know it's supposed to be hard to get, but this is insane! I spent a decent chunk of the morning coding some PHP to make all possible permutations of all the possibilities for the Malvado password, then cross-referenced it to eliminate duplicates that couldn't be and passwords that ended up being six or eight characters long. That still left me with about 30,000 possibilities. For clues that started with the letter 'A' only. Also a bit bummed about all the clues being released at once to everyone — feels like there wasn't much point in getting them with the Capitão twist. There was never a reasonable way to attempt a guess without all six clues anyway, so those who received the clues earlier didn't really get a statistically significant advantage. That's pretty minor, as far as complaints go. In the meantime, I've been plugging away with Jess, Hector and Jenna, where we've all been slowly but surely going down the list of potential clues for Bondoso's idol. I think we're closer to getting that one. But it's still an insanely high number of possibilities, narrowed down only thanks to one specific clue. Bless that first clue. After that, we're talking about a situation where the lowest amount of possibilities for any one clue is four, and the most being eight. Including the first clue, it works out to an average of just over five possibilities per digit. And that doesn't take into account positioning. So forget 'needle in a haystack' — it feels a bit like looking for a needle in a damn silo of hay bales.

this swap is...........this swap is NOT my fave. i'm just honestly feeling so out of it right now, mostly because i've been gone over the weekend and didnt really get a chance to touch base with people and also because obviously i got votes and obviously i;m not in a good place right now. which, i mean, it's whatever. i'm at the bottom, okay. at least i know that, and at least that opens up my mind a little bit. so, alright. let's take this and go with it. i know i am not in a great spot in terms of the heroes, so i'm gonna try to think about switching things up with alliances. i've wanted to get rid of dom for a while because of the machu picchu thing, but obviously that hasn't happened and i'm kind of taking this swap as an omen so if i can't free myself from him i'm just gonna go in the opposite direction and hold on to the dom rollercoaster for dear life. is this smart? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ only time will tell. anyways, so i've been thinking, and you know what would be cool? a secret alliance. why not start something like that with dom and jenn since they're here? let's do it. it might sound like i'm a hot mess and have no idea what i'm doing, and that's absolutely 110% correct. i'm just trying to find ways to make this fun for myself again and feel like i'm doing *something* at least. so let's go!! HVV2, what's good?

To be competing with flash game breasts... we put up a good fight! It sucks because the two villains on my tribe can help me further in the game. And the person giving immunity is a villain, but no any villain, one that is pissed at Shelby and Matt for voting her out a couple weeks ago. I hope she doesn't give any of them immunity but why wouldn't she play this to her advantage and try to get a hero now? She could bluff her decision and give it to the other person and easily blindside us. But I'm prepared for that... I can take advantage of that, too. If Jenn is smart and forces our hand it wouldn't be a problem for me... I haven't talked game with Bridget that much and I feel like she's on the fence with me, since we wrote her name down in the first vote. If things get messy, I'm down to making a deal with Shelby and Matt and get Bridget out... giving them a safe getaway and avoiding surprises at tribal council. That way, me and Pat are safe and my two potential allies are still in the game with Johnny still trying to make a comeback and work with me. It's not a horrendous scenario yet.

So here's where I'm at: I want Hector gone. Not because he's necessarily bad at challenges or because he'll be a strategic or social threat later on. I simply want him gone because he's another one of Jessica's puppies. She has too much fucking power in this game. But I don't want to isolate myself from the rest of the heroes. I also don't want this entire vote to backfire and I get sent home, which is entirely likely. I might be digging my own grave. Hector and Pat initially thought Matt was the best option to vote out because he's close with Casey and not the best at challenges. But, personally, I like Matt. And he's desperate. I may not necessarily want to work with him later, but I can use him now. The captain twist is a terrible and beautiful curse. It could fuck up our vote and send someone home we weren't intending. OR, it could fuck up our vote and send someone home I WAS intending, but I don't get any blood on my hands. I don't know if I can pull this off, though. If any word gets out to ANYONE, I could easily be voted out. I set this whole thing up, now I'm going to let someone else finish it. I want to wait to see who Jenn says she's giving immunity to. If she lies and says she's giving it to Shelby, but actually gives it to Matt, well, that's not my problem. If she tells the truth, then so be it. It was a risky move, anyway. But everyone knows tribal plans never last and we'll let the saga of tribal woes continue tomorrow.

Whoops haven't written a real confessional in like... 5 days. So we swapped, then swapped again. This has proven good because it's allowed the Idol Hunters to become a real alliance! Where we trust each other and are close. I'm lowkey/highkey hoping Jenn's tribe throws the next challenge and votes out Amelia so that we don't have to do it later down the road and get get them out without reallllly getting them out. I trust Pat/Jenna/Hector more than the other heroes so that's who I'd like to stick with long term. My villain friends aka Jenn, Mario, Jordan are also doing well which makes me happy. Matt Summers was telling me how he feels  unsafe, wants to stay, etc etc and I feel like if I wanted to, I could convince Jenn to make him immune and get Pat + Co to vote out Shelby. Buuuuut on the other hand, it's such beautiful poetic justice that he gets voted out almost exactly one year after he voted me out in Adversaries. :~) Also I hate :~) Guessing these combos :~)

I'm stuck on text-based confessionals the next few days (assuming I survive that long) while my buddy borrows my laptop for a school project. Just FYI. So... disheartening. That's probably the best word to describe that competition. It's an insane bummer that we came so close, only to fall. Bondoso's first loss as a tribe, and it came by the slimmest of margins. Not even remotely possible to fault anyone on it, either — 4,000+ is a good score, period. My 5,000+ was an absolute fluke and I know I couldn't replicate it again in a million attempts if I tried. So that leaves us in the very unenviable position of having to cannibalize one of our own. Again. Y'know, after dodging tribal for so long, not really down with going back for the second time in a row. And honestly, I feel especially bad for Shelby. She's pulling a Denise from Philippines here, going to every tribal council so far without really deserving any of it. And her tribal answers thus far have been mostly spot on: she maybe deserved to go to one of those, if that — the popular vote. Still, this game doesn't really reward 'deserving'... but I feel like it should, this round. Shelby put forth an insane effort on this comp, and dirt-roading her here would feel so wrong. And then, of course, I love Hector and Bridget to bits. So, that leaves Matty. This isn't a particularly easy vote, either. For all his reputation of being a flipper and his overly paranoid and aggressive play, Matt's a smart player, a smart person and I can tell he's a great friend. But I've said it before and I'll say it again — gotta detach the person from the gameplayer. And the gameplayer, I feel, could help me out in the long run. But then, so could Hector. And Bridget. And Shelby, by virtue of being a villain-shaped shield. Matt, unfortunately, is one of those players (in here, anyway) that will only be targeted when he's the "easy pick." If you let him get to merge, he's going to go deep only because he's never the biggest threat. And that's a dangerous approach. Complicating matters somewhat is Jenn's Capitão powers. Jessica and Jenn have a deal where they'll each use their power however the other one wants. Mutually-assured help. Or destruction. Jenn has told Jess that Shelby will be getting the power, and since Matt voted against Jenn at the outset, she's got reason to want him gone. At the same time, though, it would be a really clever play to immunize Matt and let Matt/Shelby take out a hero and stop the Pagong-ing. But we've got a plan in place for that. Not sure how well it'll work, but here's the outline of it: Bridget went to Shelby, essentially saying that she'd be willing to fudge this vote if Shelby can confirm where the immunity lies. So this is pretty much going to bank on two things: 1. The trust the villains have that Bridget is at the bottom of the heroes after the first (and only!!!!) original Bondoso vote, and therefore the trust they have that she really would flip; and 2. The trust Shelby has in Bridget not to burn her. It leaves a lot of variables in play. And if Shelby ends up giving Bridget incorrect information (or Jenn gives Shelby incorrect information,) it could backfire spectacularly. Ultimately, it all comes down to the fact that everyone has to trust someone they're not sure they can trust. And that's scary. Trust me. If I know Matt, he's going to spend all day aggressively guessing for the idol. He's got the day off school and knows he could be on the outs. So it's imperative that Jess/Jenna/Hector/I find it first. Or any of the heroes, really. Or that anyone not named Matt or Shelby has it in their possession at tribal. Still not feeling entirely safe heading into tonight. I know I'm probably slightly better than average at challenges, but I've also made the mistake of saying way too much in the group chat RE: techniques for better scores, my knowledge of technology... it's one thing to be helpful, another entirely to overplay your hand. And right now, I think people are seeing me as a bit of a bigger threat than I need to be. I just wish laying low were in my nature. I still think we've got the votes. I'm 150 to 200 per cent happy with the heroes tribemates I have. I don't think either would reasonably flip — especially since I feel like Bridget knows she's not on the bottom anymore. But if the immunity comes into play at all... both Shelby and Matt have said they won't write my name down. Like, explicitly so. But... I dunno. I'll feel a lot more comfortable after the vote. I've been blindsided once or twice before.

My plans have been foiled by everyone's trust in Jessica, naturally. Jenn told Jessica she was saving Matt, who told Pat. Jenn also told Pat herself, so looks like the plan is now Shelby. It all seems too... easy, though. I don't trust this. My only hope is Matt and Shelby aren't writing my name down tonight (and that Jenn gives Matt immunity).

Scratch my last confessional! I think this might work.

I was about to spill the tea to Matt and say that it was ok for me to go after Bridget when he said he was getting immunity and him and Shelby might throw votes to Bridget. I'm not telling the others, but I'm not fighting or scrambling at all. If we get tricked Bridget would be the casualty :( Matt promised Jenn it's all the villains together which is a red light, since I thought Matt and Casey had already flipped? Anyway, I don't think I'm in danger since I've said to Matt that I trust him a lot and Shelby might have an idea of the Kiwayu thing Johnny has talked about. If Shelby goes to RI, Johnny will be pissed but I can't afford that big of a move at final 15!  I think keeping Shelby is risky, it could benefit me but I would give Johnny a strong ally and I want him to be alone in this game.

A bit of detail on my vote: I hate it. I need to do it, because flipping on my numbers makes no sense now. And Matt is very likely getting immunity, so I need to play those odds. But I don't like it at all. Shelby's a strong competitor, a good person to strategize with and is upfront which, I think I may have said in another confessional, is both an underrated trait and a great asset to anyone who aligns with her. The question of the immunity is still lingering. I think I can trust Jenn a bit more after chatting with her. She seems pretty upfront and no bullshit, too. And she was the one who initiated the game-talk, which tells me she didn't really have anything to hide. But if something goes sideways tonight... I'll be equally upset if Bridget or Hector goes. Matt, buddy, I love ya but it should've been you tonight. And if I go? Well, all that means is that the Tumblr Survivor gods are telling me it's my time.

This is so delayed, but these new three tribes are crazy. I wasn't expecting to swap again. I'm kinda bummed because I was in a really good position on NuBondoso, I think. I should be in a good position on Carvāo, too. But, there's always some danger when there's only five people to a tribe. You can't hide anywhere. Carvāo having lions for their symbol kinda makes up for it, though. I love lions! The tribe color is also purple, which is rad. On Carvāo, I'm with Gavin, Jenna, and Jessica for a third time, along with Casey. Casey being on the outs would be the immediate assumption. I'm not too sure if that's the case anymore. Gavin seems to be digging his own grave. Jessica thought he was annoyed by her, since he wouldn't respond to her. Jenna thinks he's sketchy and doesn't want to work with us, because he's being really short with her. Then, the schoolyard pick was an entirely different mess. Jenna came up with a plan to pick Amelia for the other original Bondoso on our tribe. If we lose, and a team with a villain as a captain places first, the villain on our tribe will get immunity. Choosing Amelia would've been an insurance for us, since everyone thinks of them as a threat that should go. I told Gavin that idea, that I was planning on choosing Amelia over him. He had been telling people he was in good with Jordan (someone he referred to as his best friend) who is in good with Mario, so I thought it would be all right. Instead, he freaked out. He was like, I'll be toast and on the bottom. Okay, I'll save you, then. No biggie. After all, we're in an alliance. He then goes on to try to guilt trip me into picking him. I don't appreciate that. There are other ways to get what you want, and it was unnecessary to do that. I still wanna work with you, Gavin. But, I can only do so much. It isn't that simple to just boot him, though, since he can out Jenna and I as working together. I think people maaay already be assuming we are, but that would just be solid proof of it. It's a tricky situation. We definitely have to win this next immunity challenge. With Jenn being the captain of NuNuMalvado, I'm pretty certain she'll save either Shelby or Matt, making one of them the new captain of NuNuBondoso. If we lose, there probably isn't going to be a simple vote on Casey. Things will get incredibly messy, and my game won't benefit from that right now. Demi Lovato be with us.

[survivorhvv2]

EPISODE 5 “IT CAN’T BE THAT SIMPLE” - JORDAN

Oh wow, a tribe swap! I’m so surprised!! Wow!!!!!!! Hector told me to be careful, and it’s making me scared that there was something going on that I wasn’t aware of. Or maybe I’m just reading into things and he just wanted me to be safe. Oh my gosh. Either way, it was really sweet of him to say that. Ily, Hector. The heroes hold majority of NuBondoso, and it seemed like all of the heroes were wanting to be #BondosoStrong before. There’s so many variables at play, though, so I’m not expecting things to be that simple. Like, I told Bridget after the first tribal that Jessica was the one who threw her under the bus and put her name out there. But that was, like, a while ago. I really hope that doesn’t mess up the chances of the Hero5 sticking together. I also really hope she didn’t talk to Jessica about it because that would be bad and I will cry. Jessica has connections to Jenn and Mario as well. There’s no telling where her head is at, and it’s so scary. Matt is another person I’m worried about. He keeps telling me that he wants to work with me, but I don’t know. I’m totally happy to still be on a tribe with Jenna, though! I need us to get to the merge together. I’m stoked to still be with Gavin too, even though he’s been semi-shady lately. Here’s to hoping our trio can last a little bit longer.

This swap was actually probably technically amazing if you look at it from an outside perspective. All the people I was technically aligned with stayed with me. I didn’t have to blindside any of them. Im not with Pat/Dom/Amelia all of whom I was a worried about in terms of who could flip. We have majority on our tribe, so, in theory I should be good. But, Jessica is close with Mario and Jenn, apparently Jordan wants Gavin to align with Mario, and I know that once you know you’re on the bottom, you’re gonna fight like hell to find the cracks that are probably there. Still, what we need to do is win this challenge. I don’t know if we have any chance with Pat on the other side but I’m hopeful. If we win this challenge, Jessica can give the captain power to Hector or Amelia or one of the other heroes and then we can afford to throw things since we’ll know where immunity its gonna go. Ughhhh. I just. I just don’t wanna mess things up but I just don’t wanna put effort into things. I feel like everything is way bigger than me and like theres nothing I really can be doing without being found out or being targeted. OH. Maybe we could convince the heroes on the other tribe to throw it? Tell them that we’ll throw the rest after it, we’ll try and figure out where the votes going, give them immunity, or bribe someone (probably Jordan) to flip. Honestly, I think that could work. But then the heroes on the other tribe may hate us for suggesting putting them in danger…. Fuck. Fuck this. Like. I should be happy. Why am I not f***ing happy? 

-sigh- A tribe swap. I don’t like my new tribe very much. They’re so boring.

I’m really glad Jenna and I are still together. Jessica and I aren’t necessarily close but have the Six Mary Murderesses alliance, so hopefully we can stick together. Gavin doesn’t talk much, or at all, so I don’t really know where his head was at. And Logan, I love and would like to work with, but we’ve never actually worked together at a tribal.

And then we have the villains, all who SEEM like they shouldn’t band together. There’s Jenn, who was voted out first – she was also in an alliance with Jess during the first HvV. Mario was on the outs at first but managed to find a crack in the majority alliance. I don’t trust him at all, to be honest. I haven’t talked to him yet but I just get those vibes. And then there’s Matt, who’s a wild card. Close with Casey, but was on the outs last tribal. He seems to be pretty well-connected, too.

And then you have this challenge, which is creative and I hope Mario has something nice to say about it in the tag again. Like, spare me, Mario. But with this challenge, it’s hard to tell if we’re doing well or not. And then you have Pat on the other tribe who is a god at computers so who knows what he may come up with.

Ideally, we win this tribal so the heroes are in control of who gets immunity. But I can just sense that we’re going to lose this time and I’m going to get fucked. We’ll see!

Well a tribe swap happened, couldn’t have come at better time in my opinion. So our tribe is split four villains four heroes and honestly I don’t know how I want to play this. Casey is nothing to me right now, if the heroes are like I want to get rid of a villain I will make sure it’s Casey. That girl has had too many lives and it’s time for her to die. Honestly I like a lot of the heroes on our tribe as well so best case scenario would be just to have us win all the challenges cause other than Casey I don’t want anyone out. I think we have a good chance to do well in the challenges but if we lose I feel all hell will brake lose. Let’s just try to win immunity and see what happens 

okay, so…..i’m gonna do something a little dangerous here. i’m going to try to make sure we lose this challenge, with jessica’s help. yeah, i know, we have an even 4-4 split whereas it’s 5-3 on the other tribe, so theoretically it would make more sense for them to go to tribal and send a villain home, buuuut a) i don’t trust gavin and logan over there, and b) i do feel like the 4 we have here is solid and there’s people we (specifically i) can work with if we go to tribal. i.e. jessica told casey to talk to me and there’s a possibility she’ll be with us because we saved her last time, and also daniel worked with catherine and jsh in riau so i think both of us really lowkey want to work together, and then there’s jordan who was in machu picchu so me and dom could potentially use that to get us on his side. ANYWAY the point is there are options, and i want to start really playing, and - most importantly - if jess stays captain on the other tribe she can give one of us immunity and therefore make that person captain over here next time, so we’re extra secure and have more control over what happens. obviously this means i’m now putting a whole lot of trust in jess, even though i said i wasn’t gonna do that in the beginning, but i feel like i need her right now and i think we can do great things together up until that trust burns out, which probably isn’t happening anytime soon. constant vigilance, but she’s my #1 right now. also can i just say………..i can’t believe i’m still with dom honestly like i am so conflicted over this i *adore* dom but also!! having him here! is not! good! for! my! game!!! hhhhhhhhh i mean at least it takes some heat off me i guess idk anyways i’m a fan of the swap situation i’m glad that we’re actually going to get to play some survivor now and get our hands dirty alongside the #messy villains yassss bring it on

me this morning: fuck teddy!!! I hate this!!!! me now: :) I don’t remember saying those things Okay now that I actually was able to like… figure out the website, I really like this challenge. I’m hoping we win so that way the heroes can still control who is getting captain/immunity on both tribes. Right now Casey says she’ll give immunity to a hero but I don’t really expect her to keep up that end of the deal. I’m hoping her and Amelia can connect on Malvaldo or w/e though and hopefully Casey can be a number for us moving forward? She’s kind of alone and nonthreatening so getting rid of her when there’s bigger players around (like Daniel, Shleby, and Matt) seems dumb. I like who I swapped with, I’m happy Jenna and Bridget are still with me. I like that I have Logan and Gavin too because I want to take a chance to get to know them better, Logan especially is so sweet so I really want to be better allies/friends with him. I also spoke with Amelia/Hector + the heroes on our tribe and we were thinking it might not entirely be the worst thing if Maldalvo threw the challenge. It’s risky, but if they do I have a ¼ shot of saving the right person (assuming Casey and Jordan don’t flip, which I’m hoping they do). Worst comes to worst, they draw rocks, but the odds would be in our favour. If we lose a challenge, Casey makes Matt captain, then Maldalvo’s Heroes are not in a good spot because Matt has a pretty good shot at saving the right person. Plus like… okay I don’t really care about the idol that much, but I’d at least like to be able to guess for it, and without that last clue it’s impossible. So if we don’t win immunity this round, I basically might as well not try to go for it :P So… here’s hoping we win?

Two things: 1) Either the villains are throwing this challenge (which wouldn’t be unusual since Hector and Amelia said they would try to throw it) or now I know why they lost so many times. You can’t try once and that’s it. Like, we’re all be really helpful in the main chat and sharing scores, and it’s just -silence- from the villains. I hate them. 2) Why does anyone trust Jessica ever? I really don’t understand it. She’s been name dropping left and right, like “Oh Casey said she’d do this for us, Jenn said she’d do this, Matt said this, and Mario said that. Hector and Amelia are doing this, and Pat is doing that.” Like, girl. Seriously? But for now, I just need to shut my mouth and remain in her good graces because she’s calling the shots. Which is a good thing, because then it should, in theory, be easy to pick her off post merge.

I haven’t wrote a confessional in awhile, so I might as well get to writing one now. I’ll try to write as frequently as possible in the coming future. Now I am not 100% sure what I said last confessional I wrote, back when the dinosaurs were thriving, and thus I’ll give a breath rundown of tribe dynamics and such. Following Mama E’s exit, I talked extensively with Bridget to make sure that she realized Jessica was playing both sides. That seemingly became apparent the longer we talked, which was good all around. I strengthened bonds with Logan, Pat, and Jenna and tried to rekindle the bond Amelia and I shared after barely speaking during the Mama E vote. Prior to the swap, I trusted Pat the most, followed by Logan, and then close behind Jenna, though I am making a point of giving the most information to Logan and Jenna to solidify an alliance which seemingly will do better for me in the long-run. Looking at this game from a few steps back though, I by far trust Jordan Pines the most out of anyone, but his villainous reputation which got him cast for this season greatly troubles me. So we kept winning immunities and villains one by one were voted out and sent to Redemption Island. Laure was first to bite the dust, a pity really as I would have loved to see how a post-CV Laure and Gavin would have interacted when on the same tribe. Mama E soon followed, and my reaction to that really was just ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Could have helped me if she found a way to return, though I did vote her off after explicitly stating that I would be loyal to her (but I was not the only Hero to make that deal with her either, so who knows what would have happened). Oh, and how did I forget about Johnny being voted out. Johnny was livid upon his elimination, despite himself asking to be voted out. This sparked a long debate between him and Mario, a debate I tried to stoke the flames of (a risky move, but one which seemed to yield greater reward to the risk) to get the target off Jordan and onto Mario. Jordan and I have been interacting cross-tribally, and I have made sure to fill him in on tribe dynamics here (in as little detail as I can to keep up the alliance though also keep my cards as close to my chest to allow me to make moves undetected). He has spelled out for me how he has been trying to climb back up the totem pole after the Jenn vote, and I have done my best to let him know when his name is floating around to keep the bond between us intact. So now we jump to the swap. Jenn wins her way back into the game, and Jordan has found a way to survive going to tribal after tribal (maybe partly due to my subtle play here on Bondoso… probably not but I love to toot my own horn when possible). Tribes are mixed up and I find myself without Pat or Jordan, but with Jessica, the Peach Brigade (Logan and Jenna), Bridget, Jenn, Matthew, and Mario. Let me just submit this confessional, and I’ll dive into strategy talk in another.    

Strategy time ^_^ So first and foremost, let’s re-outline my strategy at least for the pre-merge (and probably for the good first half of the post-merge). I want to be a person everyone feels comfortable talking to, as unthreatening as possible. I want to be the guy who says that dumb thing which is off-putting, though subsequently puts them at ease. I am the guy who is acting like he is trying to strategize, but the strategy doesn’t always have substance to it. I want to be viewed as a player who is playing this fast-moving game (as we all must to some extent to make it remotely far in an All-Stars season like this), though is not always looking about the game in the right way. Don’t get me wrong, every so often I do turn on the switch and let my strategic side come out. I love Survivor mostly due to its strategic element. I am known for my strategic presence over all else in other Survivor communities; only recently I have began to develop a solid social game. It is imperative for people to realize at CERTAIN, SELECT times that you can hold your own, but ideally that isn’t always the course of action to take 24/7. Am I employing this strategy well? Only time will tell :) Now an analysis of my new tribe: - Jessica Jessica, I truly hope you don’t think I haven’t taken notice of you keeping all those idol clues really to yourself (with the exception of what I was able to pry out of you, a rather risky move I shouldn’t have made on my part). You’re eager to socialize, and that’s very dangerous to my game. You have connections with everyone on this tribe, and Jenna has already made an effort of trying to peg you as a target specifically due to your perceived relations with Mario and Jenn. You’re challenge prowess coupled with your social grace is very very dangerous to others, and I really don’t believe your strategic game makes up for the danger you pose as a player. Ideally, I want to ride with you as far as you will let me. If anyone is wise enough, you’ll always be the bigger target. Though if I ever catch word of you spreading my name, you’ll effortlessly jump to #1 on my hit list, and with good reason. You have the connections to make my elimination a reality if the right people are on the tribe at the time. Though it is my goal to control my own fate the best I can, so I need an ear to the ground as often as possible. - Logan At least for now, I trust you a lot. I know you’re most likely trashing me in your confessionals, thinking you’re playing me very well. That’s second to ideal, so if you are not saying that you trust me 100% and you want to go to the F2 with me, I hope you’re saying that. Through your interactions with others, it is clear that you seldom don’t get along with your peers. As long as that weapon is used for “our” gain and not your own personal gain in the big scheme of things, that is amazing. Hope this alliance goes as far as I hope it will. - Jenna Jenna was going to be my Jay this season. The one person I never really thought would write my name down. You’re making it seem like that still would be the case, but I find that more and more unlikely the further the game progresses. Don’t get me wrong, I trust you as an ally (at least for now), but I know you don’t want to get Szymon’d again or anything of that nature. The Peach Brigade alliance chat is not nearly as active as The Three Best Friends That Anyone Could Have chat with Raymond, Jay, and I in Somalia. You’re super personable, and I am sure you have other plans in case The Peach Brigade goes south, and you having those plans is exactly what I do not need. I want to be your only option when it comes to crunch time, and that’s going to take some work. TO BE CONTINUED IN ANOTHER CONFESSIONAL

If I get blindsided tonight, you fuckers better not use this as an episode title.

Text confessional for now. Sorry, guitar-loving fans. Imagine I’m playing a death metal acoustic cover of You’ve Got Time by Regina Spektor. This vote is sloppy as hell, and predictably so. For all the senseless talk about tribal lines not meaning much, obviously they matter a great deal. So what started as a slam dunk vote turned very messy. The end result of the past 24 hours of positioning is that Daniel’s the target the heroes at Malvado have pinpointed. And while I’ll be somewhat glad to see Dan go if this goes according to plan (always good to see a calculating, dangerous player go before they can do any damage,) a part of me feels bummed for him. He didn’t actively do anything here! No, the big problem was Dom, who pushed WAY too aggressively to keep Dan. I pushed equally as aggressively to boot him, I’ll admit. But Dom overplayed by doing that. He telegraphed his alliance with Dan and Jordan, and that makes it exceptionally dangerous to keep them both around. On the other hand, the votes could easily flip. My name comes up three or four times, and it could be me going home tonight. I’m 155,000% sure what I’m doin’ tonight, but IT COULD BE ME. Alright, enough Mike-isms. I’ve got a healthy bit of paranoia on me tonight. If Dom and Amelia decided to flip, or even just Dom, that could pose a huge problem. And the thought wouldn’t even enter my head — he’s spoken extensively about staying loyal to Bondoso and trusting me, but there’s some incongruity between his actions and his words, you know? I guess my Amelia paranoia is unfounded. I’m lumping those two together in my head, which my gut tells me is correct. But I don’t have much to go on for that. So if I’m wrong, I’ll owe Amelia an apology. Anyway, if this works and we get Daniel out, I think I’ll be in a good spot. If the villains plus Dom collectively decide to flip the vote on me, Jessica’s keeping me safe. We still get DK out, but then I know I’m in trouble. If the villains plus Dom collectively blindside any other hero, THEN we’re fucked. But I don’t think it’d pan out that way. Everyone thinks Hector’s getting the immunity. If anyone flips, it’ll be Dom. So he wouldn’t get votes. If it’s Amelia, Dom won’t flip on them. And Hector is presumed safe. So I think we’re covering all our bases here. I hope we are. And if we’re not, I blame MJ. He’s behind it, somehow.

Got a big recap coming get ready. So we lose the immunity challenge which sucks so now we have to vote someone out. My first thought is casey cause she is the only one who i have a bad relationship with on this tribe. she tried to vote me out last time and i dont trust her. I get pat and hector on board but then when i talk to daniel and shelby they knock some sense into my head. The villains have been getting knocked out one after the other. Going after another villain is stupid. So i talk to pat and basically ask him if he’d be willing to get out a hero. We talk for a bit and he says he’d be okay to get rid of dom. Great, me hector pat daniel and shelby will vote out dom. BUT WAIT, THERES MORE. it cant be that simple, why would the heroes get rid of one of their own, they can beat us right now, this makes no sense.They are probably going to get Jessica to give Dom immunity. So what do we do? we come up with this complicated ass scheme to make sure we are in the majority. Dom and Amelia? they are voting casey. Pat and Hector? they are voting dom. and out of the mist rises Daniel, Shelby, Casey and myself to vote out amelia. Who the fuck knows how this is going to go down, and i am not looking forward to fall out afterwards. HAHAHA I LOVE THIS GAME.

[survivorhvv2]

EPISODE 4 - "I DONE GOOFED!" - SHELBY

So, um. Apparently my reaction to getting voted out was all wrong? I mean, holy shit. You guys, I haven't played for almost two years, are we not taking the high road anymore? Why did no one tell me? Like, I figured things would get kinda dicey with a tribe of "villains" and a setup where people wouldn't actually leave when they got voted out, but oh man. Guys, oh man. You guys. Man. Guys. Man oh man, are people mean to each other about Survivor on the Internet. Which is just like???????? But I think it's possible that I just don't get it. My life story has never been the lyrics of Hollaback Girl. And I'm 23. I'm growing old. Maybe I'll never get to tell someone to meet me at the bleachers with no principals or students, or even teachers. These are just some things I've been thinking about a little bit. 

okay so this is where i officially trust bridget with my life and wait to see if she will screw me over me/jess/jenna are trying to get an alliance formed with the three of us and bridget (the no boys club) and also possibly with hector. which i like a lot. the only issue at this point is bridget. because if she's gonna work with us, she's got to be willing to do that separate from dom because jess and jenna don't trust him like at all. so i talked to bridget about "considering working with people besides dom", and hopefully she's not going to tell dom. she said she thought it was a good idea but she also said she's wary of jess, which is not the best. but if we can get that alliance to work, we're in a really good spot moving forward. so that's the most strategy i've done in about 5 days, yikes. i also forgot to mention that the j*hnny thing happened today, and that was......not great. i'm trying to just brush it off and not get too distracted from the game, but yeah, it's upsetting. i can't wait for mama e to kick his ass on redemption island :)

I may be speaking a bit prematurely but, while it's on my mind, I'm not sure who to work with. Amelia just came to me saying we should separate ourselves from Dom and work with Jenna and Jess. Now, I'm all for separating myself from Machu Picchu as I don't think people are going to let me/Dom/Amelia get far in this game together. But there was also an implied potential alliance between me and Pat/Gavin/Logan. And Jess has me wary as hell. I know she thinks Dom and I are super tight and is very suspicious of that. Personally, I'd rather get Jess out now, but I want Amelia on my side. Sooo what do I do? While we wait, let's see where the villains are in their argument.. -sigh-

When everything turns messy again rip. Jessica wanted to lock people down, which I TOTTAALLY get. Thats what I was saying for the longest time. BUT, we haven't had the chance to talk to Jessica about her and Amelia being bigger targets and I haven't called with Logan and now everything is a mess and I don't know how to fix it. But Jess wants to pull in Amelia, Bridget, Hector and maybe Pat so we have a solid group. So, now I can't make a group of Logan, me, Bridget cause I know Bridget wouldn't want side deals. IDKKKKkkkk Im gonna make a confessional tomorrow cause hopefully ill have called with Logan and right now the Villains are fighting and it's throwing me off cause it's kinda scary but kinda funny and definitely uncomfortable. So like. I'm distracted.

I DONT KNOW IF I WANNA BE IN THE ALLIANCE WITH JESS/BRIDGET/AMELIA!!!!!!!! I wanna work with Logannnn ANd I know, I KNOW, that I'm the freaking goat in that group. Im awkward and shy around them all together for some reason which is okay but I hate feeling like the goat. Ughhhhh And I don't know if I can tell Logan Im supposed to be with them cause thats just like ????? Plus will he even talk strategy with me? Who the FUCK even knows? Literally I don't know what to do. Again voting out Dom seems to be the smartest bet though it looks like thats just not gonna happen if we lose. I'm gonna get stuck. Im gonna get stuck in this huge pile of gum that was set down to trap me unknowingly because I stayed in it too long and you know what? That's my own fault I get it. But that doesn't mean I'm that happy about it. I need Hector online to go over things with him. But of course he's not. Honestly whatever. Let me be the goat. Who the fuck cares anymore tbh. This game is getting out of my hands and at least I can see it's probably smarter to let it implode around me while I sit and watch it all happen while staying silent. But it's so boring and I hate doing that but at this point, I don't think I have much of a say in the matter.

Hello I do not think I have done a confessional in a couple of days so here is another one! Right now the idol looks basically impossible to get. Unless one of the other clues refers to the order they're supposed to go in, I doubt that anyone will be able to guess it unless it's just dumb luck. Which tbh is fine, I'd rather play with no idols than risk someone have it and not know where it is, plus the villains are super divided and I highly doubt they're sharing clues. So basically unless clues 5 or 6 tell me what order to put the rest in, you can expect an Olympics repeat! As for the tribe, everything is nice but also kind of slow. I don't want us to go to tribal, it'd be nice for the villains to lose a couple more people first, but I do think a double tribal or a swap or something would be good for us. Right now alliances seem kind of relaxed and I don't think that's necessarily the best way to go into a merge. I definitely trust the Mary's though, I'm happy that we finally have a group of people that do want to work together and seem dedicated and loyal. I trust all three of them and hopefully that + Hector will be able to be a good long term alliance. Ideally if we swap, I'll be able to grab at least a couple of them, and the ones I don't end up with can spend time getting close to the other heroes they end up with which definitely will help us in the long term. Everything feels like it's almost too easy at this point though. Like by final 16 in Adversaries/HvV, shit was all over the place and everyone was at each other. Here it feels like we could let the villains pick each other off and then just take over the game at final 9. If we lose honestly there's no one in particular I want to vote out, I just want to see where everyone's heads are at and if everyone I want to work with is on the same side. Potentially we could even get a unanimous vote (since Dom can't have immunity... sorry Dom!) but no matter what, as long as Hector and the Mary's aren't targeted I'll just go with the flow!

Good news: I was able to make a list of every possible permutation for the order of the idol clues. Bad news: There are over 700 combinations (which doesn't even begin to take into account the fact that there is more than one answer per clue). Me: :) fuck

No one wants to decide on this stupid music video. Me and Logan made an idea on call and i guess I kinda have to assign things which I don't wanna do but whatever. If I get voted out for taking charge then so be it. Someone has to and no one else is. If we can execute this video right it'll look really cool though so let's hope for the best. 

I, I am just at a lose for words. I'm still here, somehow I am still here, and made it with not a single vote against me at tribal. And now an alliance might be forming with me in it. I just dont know anymore. A week ago I was certain that I'd be next to go, and suddenly this tribal people are begging me for their vote. I.. I just dont even know anymore. What can I say, I'm still here.

At this point I don't even care if we win this challenge. I just want our video to look really cool. As long as we're happy with what we put out and tried the best we could then I'll be content. But if we do lose and me, Logan, or or Pat goes home I'll be pissed. And Bridget I guess. Us 4 did the most and tried the hardest with this video and I feel like that at least deserves something. Especially since Gavin can't even do his job of binding YouTube videos and Dom so far has done nothing. Either way, our concept is cool and I have faith in Pats computer skills so I'm hoping for the best. 

Two things since my video this afternoon: 1. Dom pulled through after all, with a video that definitely had a lot of usable moments. Wasn't sure I'd be getting it, but Dom definitely pulled through when the chips were down. Wish the chips hadn't been down in the first place, but them's the breaks. 2. I want to address this post by Mario, and while I would do it in public I'm really not in the mood to be attacked tonight for disagreeing with him. http://fatlittleslut.tumblr.com/post/131063753459/news-flash A video competition, as with any other type of challenge, is only as fun as you're able to make it. And if we're going to be talking about wastes of time, I'm genuinely curious as to why something like coming up with an idea, filming it across time zones and various schedules, and then editing is considered a waste of time... but spending hours on flash games is not. Personally, I really enjoyed this challenge and would've killed to do one of these in Olympics or Riau. Creativity and execution thereof is as much of a skill as quick dexterity or multitasking or puzzle acuity. And ultimately, I think Mario probably knows all of this, even if he doesn't necessarily agree. But the timing of his post comes across as an extreme case of sour grapes. It's a shame, really. But a part of me hopes he's eliminated this week so he and Jenn can knock Johnny off RI.

I'm really happy we won again! At the same time though if this season ends up going exactly the same way as Egypt I'm gonna be upset. I was on a winning tribe and only had to vote off one person before a swap. And then I got swap fucked. If I get swap fucked again I'm gonna cry. Also, right now I know i'm playing a really stupid game but I'm just so tired and it gets annoying explaining what needs to happen and strategy and crap to people, especially when they all know everyone and are friends and I'm like the new weird friend who doesn't get all the inside jokes. I know Jessica's all mad about people not strategizing but it's so exhausting and theres only so much you can do when no one can get voted out. Plus, I really only trust Hector and vaguely Jess and Logan to not go and tell someone everything I said so it's like, I'm sorry but if you don't give me shit on you I'm not gonna give you shit on me. Also @Mario for that post complaining about this music video challenge: are people playing flash games in survivor? Literally just because your definition of a "real" game is not creative challenges doesn't make it any less legit. You're obviously just upset cause you can't do it very well. I hate winter bells. I think it's a luck game where if you're good at it you're great but if you're not then you can't get better. But I didn't complain cause thats the game. Like, sorry you can't win? Maybe it's this attitude that everything sucks and isn't fair? Just saying. (When Mario reads this and doesn't even know who I am<<<<<<)

Okay no tea no shade to these hosts but like.... ur cast is boring. The entire heroes tribe is just sailing through pre-merge like it's nothing and it's like pulling teeth to try to get people to think about the game/alliances. I've got a couple that are made and feel good about (like Team Egypy, Kermits, and the Marys) but no one seems interested in talking about who they'd want to vote out, no one wants to talk about who they'd want to work with at merge, I'm not sure that some of these people have even been online in the past few days. For example, I barely talk to Dom. He's not online much, he almost never initiates conversations, and in all honesty I forget he's playing half the time just because he's so damn quiet. But the other day he said he trusts me more than anyone else???? Like.... how???? Either I am just that amazing at social game (not likely...), Dom is really a hermit that doesn't talk to anyone (more likely), or I'm just clueless and my entire tribe is plotting against me (potentially likely but lmao I sound crazy saying that. Who am I, Adam Seitz??). Thankfully Hector, Jenna, and Mario are all willing to talk strategy/"the future" and thank god for this captains twist because at least I have a decision to make every round and I get to do something. I'm starting to revert to Season 5 gameplay aka "who cares if I win just have FUN and be INTERESTING" and that's the most self-destructive way to play but it's so tempting when this game is so boring!!! I just have to think of my icons Hanne/Pris and try to be as under the radar as they were and I will be okay but it is so!! Damn!! Difficult!! It's hard to put my trust in anyone from my tribe because so far, they haven't really been able to prove loyalty to me/alliances in any way. I'm the one sharing idol clues to prove I trust everyone, I'm the one telling them what the villains are telling me, but all I get in return is "thanks" or "oh yeah I don't really talk to anyone on the other tribe". Cross tribal alliances?? Forget it!! Not gonna happen!! And the heroes aren't the only ones to blame for that. I went to Matt and Casey and implied that potentially in the future I'd want to work with them and all I got was the vague, indirect version of "no way in hell". Which again, means either there's some huge cross-tribal alliance and I am completely unaware of anything or everyone is as lackluster in strategy as they are at their social games and the Captiano twist will not reach it's full intended potential )*: Thank god the villains are having interesting tribals or I would be so bored. As long as Mario stays for a while and Jenn comes back from RI, hopefully Hector and I can grab them and try to finally shake things up. I signed up for some FUN and CHAOTIC gameplay and these heroes are going to give it to me one way or another!!!!! Just as long as they don't vote me out in the process :~)

okay so last vote i managed to completely flip the vote on johnny which was amazing i think i really proved myself as a capable player by doing that, the vote was going to 5-3 with me leaving then i managed to get him out by a 7-1 vote which is really incredible. But the problem is that now I'm the target and I got jess to give me immunity but that got out so caseys the target and i hope we can get jess to actually give casey immunity which would completely shock everyone and give the capability of a blindside at tribal or im going home, but if me and casey, we're serving gremlin realness

The villains are like those kind of villains in child cartoons whose plans never work out because of their incompetence and egomaniac issues. They're like those villains from The Power Rangers. It's kinda cute actually, I wonder if they'd come to the merge as villainous as they are supposed to be or they're gonna come begging for some room in an alliance...If there was any real alliance in Bondoso... The lack of tribal councils has made my tribe quite lazy in terms of talking game, no one wants to do or say anything unnecessary, and I'm the kind of person who likes to prepare for the worst. To be honest, I'm in the middle of my tribe, I don't belong 100% in any side of it. There is the Machu Picchu people still not talking to me, since Amelia has distanced themselves a little bit, probably because we don't need to talk that much game since we keep winning. On the other side, there's the boy band (Pat, Logan and Gavin) who I do trust but they might be dangerous, too. The thing is I feel there are 3 small groups. And none of them want to make a move to solidify anything. The closest I've been to lock something down is a call I had with Pat where he told me he felt good about The Kermits (himself, Gavin, Logan, Jenna, Jess and me) Jessica has also told me that she is good with making a cross tribe alliance with Jordan and Emma which I don't disagree with, plus I have a thing with Matt already. Although he's shady AF and wants to work with Casey who might be an early target at merge or swap. 

Can I just say that I adore Jenna?? I adore Jenna. I talk to her the most out of anyone. She's so amazing and wonderful. Our duo is The Donut Shop Alliance ♥️ I'm so happy that the Heroes won the music video challenge! Winning any immunity feels good, but this one feels especially good because Jenna and I talked on call for around two or so hours trying to work through different ideas for it. Seeing it come to life and having everyone come together to make it happen was so amazing. I love everyone on my tribe a lot. I'm so scared for when a swap happens, since we're going to end up being separated. I know that this happy family vibe won't last forever... but, I mean, I still don't want it to end this early.

me: I'm going to be under the radar! me: *makes the villains rearrange their entire tribal council for no reason* ksjadfljasfk whoops Either I tell Casey sorry, don't want to give you immunity and she's pissed I didn't save her (and potentially exposes that I'm working w/Mario, yikes!!!) or I give it to her and get everyone to switch their votes to Emma or Matt Summers. If Casey finds out and she's still pissed then oh well, she was going to be mad either way so I might as well get them to take out someone I don't want in the game. Plus, if we STILL don't swap and we STILL win immunity, they can take her out next :~) The worst that happens is she finds out, we lose, and she gives immunity to someone who isn't in my core alliance (although I think I could get anyone to tell me the clue.... I hope) I'm trying to make everyone dislike and mistrust each other so that they can still see me as a potential number in the long run. It might just blow up and make them mistrust me but  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ what can you do! I'm sorry Pris I will try to channel you more next round but I was so bored I had to make something happen adklsfjl I can only be under the radar when everyone else is doing stuff tbh

Jessica is digging a big hole, but I hope it's just big enough for herself and doesn't drag anyone else into her grave. I think she's playing too many cards, I mean, the girl is good at this game, but there's so many cards you can play before they all fall off your hand. After the 4-2-1 vote at Malvado, I asked Mateo Veranos who he voted for. He told me he voted Casey and that he was lied to by everyone just in case he would go to Jessica to save Emma. That doesn't make sense, something is up. He also said that he needs a swap to happen, and straight up asked me if I would protect him because he wants to feel safe for once in this game. I told him what he wanted to hear, so I can be on his good side. I'm keeping an eye on him, because as Peigh Gee would say: "You have to take things desperate people say with a grain of salt" (I'm re-watching the 3rd episode and she literally just said it, it must be a sign from the Survivor gods, right?) 

[survivorhvv2]

Ep. 3 - "Put It In Your Queue, Sweetie" - Mario

Okay so I'm glad we won the challenge/ I love everything that went down with the messy messy villains in the mass chat, and I really hope we can win again. Now, what I think I need to be doing is locking down Logan more. I need to make sure we're on the same page and that he knows I have some things with other people but not to a whole extent. Just incase Bridget did throw my name out as someone who was supposed to be voting with them ect... so he starts to trust me again more. As much as I don't want to play the same way as last time, it is really nice having two people doing everything and influencing people cause one doesn't work and you can't play the way I play with just one person (I want Hector to be that person but he's already showed that he can't. Logan is likable and perceptive, so I know he can). I mean, I like Logans plan of pulling in Bridget for the sheer fact that I really like Bridget. But at the same time he would want Amelia or Jessica gone next which is a problem cause I think Dom needs to go. I could probably deal with Amelia going just because I think they have a lot of friends in the game and they haven't really strategized with me a ton. Plus if I'm being real, she's a HUGE threat. I know what Jessica tells her and I know she doesn't tell me Jessica told her that so I can't trust someone who doesn't share things. But I really would like Jessica to stay. The problem is that I know I can't fight too hard on this cause it would look weird. My game is a mess tbh. My game = who the f*** even knows¯\(°_o)/¯ If I make it to merge it'll be a miracle So okay, my plan is to just be really open with Logan and set up a plan of biggest targets, ect. and hope that he believes me and he hasn't already set his sights on getting me out. (I mean, maybe we could switch Jessica out with Bridget in the Kermits alliance but I don't know..... ugh.. I just really like Jessica tooooooo) This game is making me think too much and I don't like to think at all so it puts me in quite the pickle.

Two things I forgot to say in the vid: 

 1. I think I've taken on something of a leadership role on my tribe. I don't particularly like it, but nobody was stepping up. And a rudderless ship won't reach its destination. Hope it's seen as positive and not grating, because I've seen enough "leaders" bug people. I'd much rather be a J.T. than a Crazy Dave. 

 2. I'm starting to wonder about possible twists. In a season full of returnees, most of us are expecting a swap. But you hosts are crafty enough that I'm fully expecting you to catch us all off guard with something super twisty or unexpected. Bring it.

I'm really really worried about this immunity challenge. I think we would win if it was scored differently *eyes emoji* but oh well. (<3) If we lose I honestly have no clue what to do. I don't know if people are still thinking Dom. The names i've heard are Jessica, Amelia, and Gavin which is NOoooTTTtTTTt good because I may be perhaps in a way somehow aligned with them all???? Again??? Jenna you're literally so stupid you need to calm down. Honestly what i'm gonna do is tell Jessica about peoples paranoia, tell Logan about working with him far/tid bits from everyone and let them make a plan. Could I make a plan? Sure. But we see how well that worked out for Jessica. I'm hoping people aren't trying to get me out. I feel like i'd have a different read on Hector and Jessica and Bridget even and maybe even Logan if I was, but again, things change, people change, and the vote ends up fucking us all eventually. Whatever. I'm just gonna lay low, try and protect my main people, and hope that that's enough. 

okay its me again and i feel like i completely blew the fucking challenge fuck, but johnnys pretty much asking to get voted out so w/e and i want to shake up the game anyways i think getting rid of daniel could help or whoever had immunity last would work too but that would be so BORING, but for real i hope they keep just stacking the votes towards casey so yeah whatever as long as its not me which i feel like its gonna be.

FUCK JOHNNY, WE COULD HAVE WON FOR ONCE, BUT NO HE FORGETS TO SUBMIT, AND TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE,  PEOPLE ARE BACKING HIM UP IN THE TRIBE CHAT. FUCK YOUR IT CAN HAPPEN TO ANYONE, IF I HAD FORGOTTEN TO SUBMIT I WOULD HAVE BEEN GONE, NO QUESTIONS ASKED. BUT NO, JOHNNY FORGOT TO SUBMIT AND NOW EVERYONE IS LIKE AWW ITS OKAY IT COULD HAVE HAPPENED TO ANYONE, BUT IT DIDNT IT HAPPENED TO YOU AND YOUR PROBABLY NOT GOING TO GET ANY REPERCUSSIONS FOR THIS. FUCK THIS IM SO ANGRY, LET'S GO SEE IF I DIE.

(hola. this is hector and this is an ep 1 confessional bc i am a flop. lo siento.) This is my Venn Diagram for my alliances in the first 3 days of the season. RIP. (I excluded my Matt and Johnny deals. HA.) As you can see, I’m in some deep shit if people start comparing notes. I was super happy with the 5-5 vote because Jess was maneuvering to make it happen. Just to make it clear, Jenna and Jess are my core alliance, expecting that people don’t see any Egypt bond (Jenna and me were on a secret Ponderosa chat way back in Egypt because we didn’t like the jury members at that point, so no one knows we are that close, not even Jessica, because she was never aware of that group chat). Working with Jessica is a good choice because she knows I’m loyal and she is watching her back since she may already have a big target. Pat seems solid but I’m keeping an eye on him. Amelia and I know each other from other chats and she feels good with Jenna, too. Now… after the vote happened I assured Bridget she was not the target and she was safe, the tie was because of the immunity paranoia around Mama E. I’m sorry she’s gone but she literally didn’t say a word to me. People were trying to vote Bridget anyways but I shut it down by saying that we can actually take advantage of Malvado tribe voting one of their strongest members, Jenn. So we can vote out our weakest to even out scores (probably, since the villains are savages with no life). Am I on the right tribe? Maybe, maybe not. I’m feeling a little villainous lately, and that diagram shows that I’m up to no good.

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1MZ1AtuqSMd

This game....has been insane, and im honesty pissed, I came out here to have a good time and honestly im feeling very attacked right now. I knew when I saw M*rio, I was gonna be a target of his. can he just forget Kugawa. But by being the target to the opposition...I actually think I put myself in a good spot. I cant believe Jenn and Laure didnt try to work with me, and im surpised they turned against me, for MARIO of all people. Ugh. It sucked getting rid of Jenn, but the fucking heroes got rid of Mama E rip. And they split their vote like what???? I didnt wanna get rid of Jenn but some of the votes for me were fucking rude, like I excpected that from Mario, but no from people I considered to be my friends...wow.  Then there was the next challenge which the Heroes cheated on with something, and Laure was saying we through it to get her out, which is dumb, like mathimatically i didnt work out,, and then her and Mario start saying shit about me in the chat when I try to talk, Laure tried to argue that I wasnt loyal to her in a game where we went to Final 2????? Crazy Bitch. She told the entire beach, im a fucking drunk and i say unspeakable shit bout people on call???? Never in my life I have I been so hurt by someone who I thought was my friend. This is my 5th season and I havent been brought to tears until now. I fucking cried cause of a crazy bitch, who after two years of friendship, decided she hates me.... i think this is my last tumblr game, id still host and stay active but... i was so appalled. And then I'm called out in the tag for leading my tribe. Like I didnt even save myself, Johnny decided to work with me and he saved me like, I didnt rally the troops Johnny did everything. Johnny's weird... a man of few words. Im in an alliance with Matt, emma, Johnny, Shelby and myself and Daniels been voting with us. Daniel actually called me when I was crying, I like him a lot hes a swweet kid, i wanna work with him and Matt summers even though I have a side deal with Emma and Johnny. And me and Daniel both love Jake B <3 remember when I hated Jake B ryan? lol now i love him. thats about it I think Marios going hes probably gonna vote me again. But im kinda happy we lost this is one of few chances well have to take him out. Just because were villains doesnt mean were asshole <3

I'm super happy my Rihanna campaign posts worked and we got 69k votes. I WAS SUPER IMPRESSED to be honest. I wonder how that happened. THANK YOU SURVIVOR GODS. https://31.media.tumblr.com/eb5d95e4db357496a7f77e31d9bce1c4/tumblr_n79uhrG5BY1qjmlvso6_250.gif Working on my Venn Diagram... half of those deals seem dead by now. The one going strong is the Team Egypy (Jenna, Jessica and myself). Although I did some damage control over Bridget, I think that Baes of the Beach is dead. The Kermit chat barely talks but I think it's because we don't need to at the moment. Jenna and I were just talking about Jessica is getting heat and being a big target since she was the one arranging the votes last time and people seem to see her and Amelia as a duo. So what we planned is for Jenna to get closer with Logan and me to get close to Pat. We want to see if we could form a 4 person alliance going further, since Jenna wasn't playing with me in Egypt and Pat and Logan weren't that close in Olympics either, that way it's not that obvious. I have been talking a lot with Pat about work just like the good hags we are; and it's really nice to talk to him but it's also part of the plan to throw out there that I really want to work with him moving forward. Like really work with him (?) AAAAAAANd about the deals with the villains... I'm close with Mateo Veranos, I think I can trust him going further and he has a thing for flip votes so I can work that to my advantage. Johnny approached me and my heart stopped, like a demon I had already exorcised came back. We try to catch up with what's going on on the other tribe and I try to keep him on my good side, like really caring if he stays, I think he, Shelby and I can start something going but I'm not sure if I trust them just yet, I'd give it a shot. Meanwhile I'll let Jessica make the deals and decide who gets immunity, I've not tried to sway her decision (give it to Matt or Johnny) so it's not obvious, plus they are in the majority. I hope the deals are being kept and Jessica can work with the villains alongside me. With Jessica though, she's giving me and Jenna the clues and we even made a Google Doc with the clues and guesses we can make further, it's a smart plan and it shows she's really with us but if she's being targeted I wouldn't fight to keep her as much as I did with Queen Jenny in Eg*pt, I've learned my lesson... to let people go.

I literally just want to talk game so much. i feel so fucking alone rn. like i feel like no one really values me that much as part of their game. its clear matt and casey are tight, and i feel like they have emma like listening to their every word. And that worries me because although I’m tight with them right now, i feel on the outs of that group. I thought me and johnny were good but he’s barely been talking to me, i have no idea where his head is even at. i thought daniel and i were good too but like no ones talking to me about this vote right now. i really don’t want to vote out either johnny or mario right now. cause i feel like I’m kinda good with both of them, and they’re both strong at challenges. i don’t want to lose either of them. like lets get rid of emma. fuck. or jordan. like i just need someone like daniel or mario or johnny to just bring up some random ass plan to get out casey or something or matt. like idk I’m so fucking frustrated with this damn game. i fucking hate it. I don’t want to be the one coming up with some random plan cause if that gets around i look shady and i become a target, i just need to hop onto some other plan. fuck fuck fuck fuck fcukkkcnjdknvjiedkhnjwesfd

I absolutely adore my tribe. Granted, it was hectic and sketchy as hell during the first tribal, and I don't trust anyone. BUT, we haven't had to go to tribal the past two rounds and there's so much peace and love to go around. Especially compared to the villains o.O

Okay so.... I think that had the challenge been formatted the way I wanted it to be formatted... we may not have won even with Johnny not submitting.... so.... I it back :~) (Also, we're insanely lucky apparently, Jessica and Pat are pretty much ready to start throwing challenges when theres a swap to save our numbers, Hector is very confused on what we should be telling Jessica, I have no idea where Gavin even is anymore tbh, Im getting closer with Logan and Bridget, and we (the heroes) are getting the non existent edit since we've won twice and I'm SURE there's way more drama happening over on the villains tribe) (Also... in terms of who to give the captain things to I don't know what the best choice would be. Part of me wants Jessica to give it to Johnny just so theres some chaos. Another part of me believes that thats what they want to happen and we'd be falling into a trap. And the last part of me wants Jessica to give it to someone she knows will cooperate with her later if we lose the next challenge.) All I know is that when a swap comes, this Captain twist could get a lot more interesting... and I know i'm gonna regret this, but I'm kinda excited to see how it plays out. 

It's become a day to day survival at this point, I keep thinking in my head, just one more vote, just one more vote, cause at this point, I'm on the bottom and everyone knows it at this point. It's just a weird sensation because i've never been on the bottom before, like when my alliances have failed in the past, i've been the one voted out, so I've never experienced being on the bottom before. Not gonna lie, its depressing. It mostly involves begging people for their vote, and being forced to vote off people you want to work with because its either them or you at this point. For once though i see hope in a vote, people seem like they are willing to turn on emma right now and i'm just trying to get that to happen. Whether or not it will work i dont know. But hey, at this point, i have no choice but to hope.

[survivorhvv2]

[survivorhvv2]

Ep. 2 - "I Don't Want A Hero To Win." - Daniel

me: sees the challenge is something we can win without me doing anything 

me: votes 5 times and then doesn’t do anything But if anyone asks…. I tried super hard.

After last night, I came away feeling like I trusted Pat and Gavin the most, and I wasn’t entirely sure why that was. And then Logan came to me today to talk about the vote, and I finally understood why. We had all been played, we had all been told different things to turn us against one another. And I wonder if Dom hadn’t made that deal with Mario, if it would have been me going home. So, essentially, what happened during the last tribal, is Jess was playing every fucking angle she could. She was driving the vote against Gavin/Logan, and she was driving the vote against me. But then telling both sides that we were after each other. Well, I didn’t even think to talk to Gavin or any of them to see what was really up. So, in a way, I am very glad this vote happened because it showed me who I could actually trust. As of now, it appears me, Pat, Logan, and Gavin are all on the same page and kind of have an unofficial (?) alliance going on. We need another person to make majority and I really don’t trust anyone at this point. I wanted to trust Amelia, and I think for the time being I can, but they’re tricky and well liked by everyone. Not to mention, I’m pretty sure they knew about Jess’s sneakiness. So now I’m left not trusting Amelia, which is kind of great because I knew I couldn’t further myself in this game with Dom and Amelia but couldn’t completely betray them for no reason. I want Jessica out, like NOW, but I don’t know who I can trust with that information. But with the captain twist and the redemption island PLUS one world of both tribes and outcasts? Who the fuck knows what will happen next or how alliance lines will shift yet again.

live feeds of me rn 

Hector: “I think we need a backup plan. Jessicas playing way to hard and Amelia already has a target” Me: Literally has 2 other backup plans and a few kind of ones At least this helps me know that Hectors with me. And it works out great cause he wants to include Logan and honestly, I love Logan. I know everyone loves Logan but I don’t care, if we could go to the end together, that would be amazing. Then he’s thinking add in Pat (who’s iffy but with Hector saying we need me in it it’ll work great) and he’s assuming they already have Gavin so he’s a number 5. In reality, I already have that alliance with Logan and Gavin so I could be like “lets add in Hector” and I know they already want Pat so great!! Then finally, Jessica wants Amelia as a fourth which is great!!! cause me and Hector already have her in a side thing. So here we have 2 sides, where okay, yes on Jessicas side we’re less of a target but I really feel good about Logan and kind of Gavin since he told me about Pat. If I have to choose I will, but hopefully it’ll work in a way that I can still work with both. (Again, if I don’t get screwed over by doing this it’ll be a miracle, hopefully if I do, someone will confront me and I can throw someone else under the bus cause I have some stuff I could use) Now, I am going to stay up all night and use all of tomorrow to vote for our tribe and drive myself crazy once again staying up all night so we don’t lose and we don’t have to deal with the vote changing a million times. Would it be the worst thing for Dom to go? No. But do I believe it’d be that easy? Not at all. So better to avoid tribal all together.

New possible plan?: Make sure I have a lot of shit on everyone, that way if they do vote me out, I can blow up their games with this redemption island twist. This could one-ensure that people would be really hesitant to vote me off and two-could end up being very fun to do if I get backstabbed. I’m gonna mull this over. I already have a decent amount of Jess and Hector. Some things on Amelia, very little on Dom/Bridget/Pat, and then tiny things for Gavin or Logan. Of course, if people do vote me out, then I could have more cause I could expose the flip-floppers, as well as all the alliances, and maybe even the idol clues if i’m not completely turned on! I have to be aware that other people could be doing this too, so I need to be careful of who I vote out, what I am saying, and that I make people aware that this could be a consequence of one wrong more. In hindsight, this twist could either be the death of my “let’s play everyone” game, or it could save it, since I’ll know so much (or like, probably not if I’m voted out but i’ll know things and I can expose people if I have to). 

#Gays4Heroes #SaveTheHeroes

That wasn’t a particularly fun vote. I’m glad to see it in the rearview. The vote split idea came about after Dom assured us that Mario wasn’t giving immunity to Mama E. That meant that we could all vote along the same lines and avoid cleaving the tribe into two camps early. But it also brought in a few variables: a) What if Dom was bluffing, Mario DIDN’T commit to making Mama E vulnerable, and Dom et al were intending on pulling a quick one? b) What if Mario DID intend on making Mama E vulnerable, but the other side was intending on splitting the vote and coming up the middle to blindside someone? c) What if not everybody in the Kermits alliance was really voting along alliance lines? A new group of variables in such a short time frame meant that we had to improvise. In hindsight, it was a very flawed plan because of the potential of residual hard feelings or telegraphed alliances. But we split the vote because it accomplished three things: a) If Mama E was made immune, we’d have a solid 5 voting out Bridget, which would’ve likely been the majority. b) If Mama E was not made immune but the other side tried to pull a fast one through vote-splitting, we’d have either taken put Bridget or had a tie. c) If Mama E was not made immune and the vote fell exactly as we’d anticipated, the vote would tie at five apiece, allowing for a clear and unambiguous re-vote. I’d have liked to flip the vote and keep Mama E, frankly. Not because I want Bridget gone, far from it. But because Mama E is pretty damn loyal. Bridget is too, but I feel she’s either a number for Dom, suspicious after I voted for her, or both. But there was just no wiggle room there. Even attempting to flip it would’ve raised huge red flags and, on the first vote, you gotta go along to get along. Bummed out for Mama E, but really hoping she can hold her own on RI against Jenn. On the bright side, though, if Jenn wins she’s already told me she’ll be happy to vote out anyone on the Villains majority. To be expected, obviously, since nobody likes an early game blindside. And, frankly, it wasn’t a great move by the Villains. Flashy, sure. Big move. But when you’ve got a tribe that has two comp BEASTS in Mario and Jenn, you don’t do away with one until merge, or at least before a tribe swap. I thought we’d for sure be heading to tribal council again this week prior to that vote. Now, I’m not so sure. Especially with the fact that this isn’t a flash game, either. I’m really confident in our chances here. The whole team has been going hard since the comp was announced. I was swapping all night between working on a freelance project and voting. I voted for about an hour before coming into work, and I’m still voting here when I can. If we do go to tribal, we could be in a weird spot. I’d think the obvious pick would be Dom, since he’s ensured not to be protected. And I don’t think he’d have the idol after only one clue. But if Laure gives the Capitao immunity back to an ally of his, that could change things. Hard to tell. One thing I’m very cautious about is Jessica’s standing in here. As Gavin pointed out to me, she’s still sitting pretty right in the middle of the two warring factions of heroes. She voted Mama E, which was what both alliances wanted her to do. We’re going to have to keep an eye on that. Also, still a bit freaked about Gavin, Logan and I being identified as a final-three alliance… love ‘em both, but that’s not the case quite yet. And I don’t know that it will be, necessarily? So when one of the strategies suggested for last vote was three votes on Bridget and four on Mama E, Logan and I agreed that we had to shoot it down. It was just too easy for anyone (Jess, probably) to point to those three votes and say, “See? Three person alliance. Logan and Gavin and Pat.” Anyway, that’s pretty much all that’s been going on. Still keeping up lines of communication with Dom, Bridget and Amelia. I told Bridget she was safe soon after the votes first came out, and I THINK we’re cool. Talked to Dom, and we agreed on a fresh slate after that last vote. I passed it off as paranoia about Mario using the immunity, but I know him well enough to know that he does what he says he’ll do. And Jess passed along receipts where  Mario told her she’d be getting the Capitao immunity. So, I was reasonably sure that was what was going to happen. No, the real paranoia came from Dom/Bridget/Amelia trying to pull a fast one. Specifically, Dom. But with the three of them not in the Kermits alliance and Jessica/Hector in on the other side, too, I wanted to do what we could to keep myself relatively safe. I wonder if we could get Dom out, then flip Logan, Gavin and myself to Bridget and Amelia and take out Hector? Thinking out loud, here, as I’m not even sure that would be a decent move. It would further lock in any ideas of Logan/Gavin/I being a F3, when really it would only be done for numbers’ sake. Plus, Hector’s still one of my first allies and there’s no sense in burning someone so soon Bah. Getting way too into the hypotheticals. Still a lot of votes to submit. Enough of this time-sink of a confessional.

Well it’s Day 6 and already I must say playing HvV without Adam is very weird. I hope I find a new Adam Seitz aka someone I hate with all of my energy but then 2 years later I still hate him in a friend way (#wearebestfriends). Hopefully the villains have their own Adam who just self-destructs the entire tribe for no reason. As for this game uhm I think everything is good. I am aligned with everyone on the tribe again and I think they all like me. I hope I’m right if not that’s really embarrassing!!! Can’t wait for Redemption Island to be just as irrelevant as it was the first time Ryan used it aka we send a challenge beast there early on and they stay there the whole game. :) At least I know whoever gets sent there will not be coming back and that around merge, I get a new ally back in the game (Jenn <3). I did end up trying in the challenge once I realized I get an idol clue every round as long as we win. Those things are pretty sweet. But if we lose I still think I should be okay. Time to enact “Operate Goatential” (goat + potential) where I try to make everyone think I’ll just do whatever they want so they can take me far and trust me. I’ve realized that asides from Sam, the people who win all star seasons tend to win not by making moves but just by being the least-hated at the end. I think like 9/10 I’m good at not being hated. So I’m just gonna try to go for that and hopefully it works!

Lovely ^_^ [10/7/15 8:18:45 PM] Gavin: Hey, did Logan talk to you? [10/7/15 8:25:12 PM] Pat: We were chatting earlier, yup. The whole Jess thing, you mean? [10/7/15 8:25:22 PM] Gavin: Yup [10/7/15 8:27:01 PM] Pat: Yeah, seems like we’re all more or less on the same page there. She’ll need to go sooner than later. [10/7/15 8:27:07 PM] Gavin: Mhm

We won! We steamrolled! We crushed! Turns out, we didn’t need my sneakiness, anyway. Jess got 1,000 in 15 minutes tonight. We would’ve easily crushed them even without the macro I made last night. I have no intention of bringing it up to the villains because they’ll complain about it and make a scene, but you know what? I thought of it, I read the rules, I didn’t see anything saying it wasn’t cool, I asked, I got the all-clear. They could have easily asked, too. They didn’t. Not sorry for thinking outside the box. I told Logan, because I trust him to keep it under wraps. But beyond that, I just don’t know who’s working with who. I don’t think I’ll be able to keep it quiet for very long, though, since I don’t want the Heroes feeling clueless or deceived. But that also means it’ll likely get out through inter-tribal alliances. I’m not worried about how the workaround will be received. I just don’t want to deal with Mario after his pre-blowup blowup on the shared beach. Anyway — it’s good to be immune. Glad we don’t need to face down tribal again just yet.

I just had made an entire video talking about my game so far but it got deleted so basic summary: 1. I want Casey out, not Laure. 2. Johnny is the one that decides that, he just doesn’t know. If he doesnt flip, fine. Whatever. 3. I want to be multiple people’s #1’s just because it makes me safe. 4. I am not going to pull a Lydia and tell them all they’re my #1. 5. I don’t want a hero to win. GL me

I feel like Daniel is trying to get me to vote Casey instead of Laure since he’s close with Laure. I told my alliance about it because I’m here to win for myself and not anyone else. The core 5 is me, Emma, Casey, Shelby, and Matt. I worry about Casey and Matt being too close or having friends on the opposite tribe, but for now sticking with them seems like a good idea. If Casey and Matt can pull votes for us at merge, then good for them. It’ll work in our favor and more power to them. Should be exciting. I like the Redemption Island concept, I’d like a second chance if I got out.

I almost kinda wish that I could just not submit any more confessionals for the rest of the game. Like, I think it would be so hilarious if that first one was the only one that I did for the entire time. “Waaah waaah, take me seriously, I basically have this whole thing figured right out, waaah waaaaah, shit fuck Matt Summers, waah waaaaaaaaah.” That is me in a nutshell, yes. But yeah. That wouldn’t make sense, and that wouldn’t be fun. So yes. I got voted out. Because I was a total sketchbag and didn’t talk to oh, well, maybe about the sixty percent of the tribe that voted me out. I was having a fucker of a day at work and I didn’t have time to be constantly checking my phone. But I did have time to come around every so often and being lurky as all shit. So, like, reading back on the conversation that I had with Casey is hysterical because I was being SO SUSPICIOUS. Like, I didn’t even ask her who she was gonna vote for. I didn’t ask her anything that someone with a brain who was trying to divert suspicion would have done. But hey, if they think so little of me that they think that was me attempting to play them, that’s cool.   And then later on Tomika told me that Daniel told her that Matthew had mentioned that I apparently told him about the whole alliance thing with me, Tomika, Mario, Daniel, and I think Johnny was also there. Oh, and Jordan perhaps as well. I don’t remember. And that is, of course, laughable, because of two distinct reasons. One, I did not do that. Two, I did not do that. But, since I was super-busy being sketchy and not talking to anyone, Daniel apparently thought that he was on the bottom or something and took Johnny and flipped. Because certainly they are not on the bottom of Casey’s group. Certainly not. I wish them the best of luck. Also, I guess what he imagined were pre-existing relationships factored into it. Hand to God, I only came into this having previously talked to four people on this entire cast, and those were Tomika, Matt, Casey, and Jessica. And I fucked up with Matt and Casey. I don’t know what kind of crazy math these kids were doing, but three people across two different tribes does not a majority alliance make. What else did I fuck up? Um. Oh, I forgot that Emma was on the tribe. Just straight up forgot that the tribe had ten people. Oh! No! No no no. It was because I thought Hector was on our tribe! For literally days! And then I had it so ingrained in my mind that he was on the tribe that Emma just got blanked out. Whoops. Guys, I’m really good at Survivor. But yeah, I’d imagine that one vote that said that stuff about not talking to that person was hers, and yep. That is for sure not a lie. I did not speak to her even one time. And it was because I did not think she was on our tribe. I also did not have to add her as a contact, and I think that might have played a role. I had her from I think B2B Borneo? Plus, it isn’t as though she was screaming into the abyss that is a private chat with me and I just wasn’t answering. I’m fairly positive that she didn’t talk to me either, but that’s beside the point. I got voted out, therefore it is my fault. Sorry, Emma. Very sorry that I missed out on conversations with you. Um, so now. I am a teensy bit inconvenienced. I had come to terms with being voted out first. I was fully prepared to fade into the flop mist and just enjoy not having to do this ever again. But nah. I mean, mother fuck. Like, not even getting voted out works. And I’m not gonna just not compete in the Redemption challenges, because that’s not the way I’m wired and I don’t quit things (although that half hour where I thought I was done was, well, a pretty neat time for me).   I guess having Redemption be in the same chat as the other tribes is a cool concept in theory, because I feel like we have a lot of people who will relish in putting up a stink when they get voted out, even though I’m not gonna do that. Anyway, now that the Villains have bombed massively in this last challenge, it’ll be either Tomika, Mario, or Jordan going, unless they can figure something out. I feel super-helpless because even though I can talk to everybody, they’re not gonna listen to me. Why would they? I just hope those fucking people are not as dumb as they look and that they don’t vote out Mario. Because God damn shit God damn. Like, it wouldn’t be ideal to have to compete in these things against Tomika or Jordan, because Tomika is my friend and I actually got along with Jordan. That isn’t to say that I didn’t get along with Mario, because I think he’s pretty good too. I just don’t want to get a good ol’ fashioned whoopin’ from him on my way out. 

WELL FUCK, the heroes won immunity with some sneaky ass ploy that they dont want to even explain. No, instead they decide to act like giant dicks just making jokes, well fuck you heroes. I have no idea whats going to happen tonight, the only thing Im pretty sure about is jessica is making me captain so hopefully I won’t be heading to redemption island this round. Who the fuck even knows at this point. Daniel Kennedy is telling me about this plan for the two of us to go far together in this game but for all i know he could be lying to me. AGAIN!!!!!!! ya thats right after last round we promised to look out for each other and have each others back, he leaves me in the dark and now i’m on the bottom. This plan better work or angry Jordan will come out to fight. Ya’ll aint seen nothing yet. King Jordan is dead, If I live Jordan the tyrant will come out, and no one will be happy then.

RIP Laure and Mario, hopefully they survive tribal. I would not be at all sad to see Matt or Casey go instead, I’ve trusted Matt once before, never again am I doing that haha. He’s pretty crazy in every game he plays and a lot of his moves never make any sense. I’m just hoping the villains can kind of self-destruct on their own, heroes can go into a swap/merge with majority, and I can just let everyone else fight each other for the first few votes. So far, this has been the most relaxed all-returnee season I’ve ever done, hopefully it continues to be like this for a while! Although after I’ve got the next 2/3 idol clues, I would not be that sad if we lost a challenge so I someone else can be the captain and I don’t get targeted for it. I want to tell whoever the villain captain is to make Jenna our captain (since everyone thinks we’re on their side) but in Egypt, she kept a lot of idol clues secret from her alliance so idk if I can trust her. I’d rather Amelia or Hector get it but that would piss more people off so idk what will happen.

Also okay I meant to include this in the last confessional but the villains are like… terrible players. I’m sorry but even if you have no intention of working with someone, if they message you then reply!! Try to talk to them!! Initiate a conversation!! It’s ironic that some of them voted out Jenn for not talking to them but it’s like… you aren’t talking to anyone either? Either they have deals with other people on my tribe or they’re just all completely delusional. Hopefully it’s the second one because I’d rather just work with the heroes long term!

Why is my tribe bonding over sports? I hate sports!

So, yikes. First of all, redemption island. I saw it coming and I’m actually super happy Jenn gets another shot. She’s great at challenges, and seeing her win her way back in would be the most glorious thing ever honestly. I’m kinda bummed about Mama E but I guess it was to be expected. I’m honestly just honored to have even been in a game with both of these fierce ladies, and seeing them rock redemption from the game will be awesome. My main goal is, of course, to not join them there. Our challenge was a poll challenge, and I legitimately thought we had a good shot. I spread the poll everywhere I could, voted in it whenever I could (which, admittedly, is not as much as I probably would have liked), and I knew everyone else on the tribe was working hard to rack up votes as well. However, we absolutely got demolished in the challenge, and everyone got pretty angry at the heroes for their presumed sneakiness in regards to the challenge. I have a lot of friends on Bondoso but honestly seeing them make jokes about it and mock us for trying to do the challenge legitimately was insanely annoying. I’ll forget about it in a few days, but one thing I CANNOT stand is someone who thinks they’re better than everyone else. I’m all about chilling with the heroes, but I’m not here for any entitlement at all, so they need to watch it! After we lost the challenge, I got added into a chat with Emma, Casey, Shelby and Johnny. Or, everyone who voted Jenn out with the exception of Daniel. I wasn’t consulted about the formation of this alliance (we’re called the Fab 5, a bit basic but we’ll go with it), but obviously I just have to roll with it. I don’t trust Johnny for shit, and according to Daniel he’s already suspecting Casey and I of being close and having connections on the heroes tribe which obviously isn’t an ideal situation. However, there’s absolutely no reason to not go along with this alliance for now, especially because any move that Johnny would need to make against me would require Daniel who happens to be my #1 ally at the moment so I feel pretty comfortable there. I decided to fill Daniel in on the creation of the Fab Five to further build trust with him. I’m really relying on him at this stage, and his actions the past few rounds have shown that I hopefully really can trust him and I hope he thinks the same of me. He let me know that Laure had told him that I blamed Daniel for leaking the alliance to me and that I was doing all sorts of shady shit. Thankfully, he saw through her lie, but all of this is really showing me exactly what I needed in this game. I can’t keep feeling bad about moves that I make. A zebra can’t shed its stripes, and Laure continues to lie and attempt to emotionally manipulate me as much as she can. It’s really toughening me up for the rest of the game, where decisions will only get more and more difficult. Honestly, though, I think I’m finally ready to make those tough choices. Bring it on. 

Sports again??!?! Honestly!