Susan Remembers

Wife of Phil. Woman of God.

[susan-remembers]

The so-called "phandom" is a demonic cult. I have spread my missionary work to this godforsaken wasteland to spread the truth.

[susan-remembers]

Fortunately, this was all Susan Lester wrote before she was found brutally murdered in a pool of blood in a pentagram with her heart ripped out in some kind of twisted demonic sacrifice. She can no longer spread her bigotry and falsely claim ownership over Phil as his "wife." Praised be the crafts.

[susan-remembers]

Official Call Out Post For @xxxbloodycrafts666xxx

They have strayed from God's light and are satanists. It's beyond being Phannies. These people worship the darkness itself. It's beyond just Dan and Phil. (And btw, I am still Phil's wife)

They summoned a goat demon, named him Greg. We cannot communicate with this demon. We do not know this demon's intentions.

Their crafts caused two universes to collide dangerously, and they are very irresponsible and cause panic and fear among good people by throwing around shit that only happened in the universe we came from.

They can't even write good fanfiction. Like, at least write a decent fanfic.

Most importantly, they kidnapped me. I escaped and for days they have ben hunting me down through the woods. In the Northern United States. In winter. I think they want to murder me to perform another ritual.

It's too late for them, but if we can unite against them, we may all be saved!

[susan-remembers]

this blog is so funny I love you mod

Bless you

[susan-remembers]

I think I got away, and am safe. Please listen to me before it's too late! Phan is satanic and you have to repend or you will go to Hell!

[susan-remembers]

I have escaped from the box and am hiding from them. Please repent now from your sins, you don't have to be condemned for hell because of Phan!

[susan-remembers]

OH MY GOSH!!! THEY HAVE KNIVES THEY HAVE KNIVES! THE DEMONIC PHANNIE CULT HAVE KNIVES! JESUS, SAVE ME! I JUST WANTED TO SAVE SOULS FROM THE EVILS OF PHAN!

[susan-remembers]

So as I sit here locked in a box. They’ve summoned a demon. The can’t speak the same language, but they’ve decided his name is Greg. Greg is now a Dan and Phil fan. This is what the warned us about in church.

[susan-remembers]

IF YOU LOVE PHIL LESTER U WILL LET ME, HIS GOD FEARING WIFE OUT OF THIS GOSH DARNED BOX!

[susan-remembers]

I'm glad if nothing else, the OTW and AO3 have my back... These "crafties" and "phannies" stole my work. Worst of all, I'm pretty sure they or people in their movement tied a chloroform rag over my face last night and dragged me off. Now I am in what I think is a large box. My internet access is stull available.... yet my phone battery is almost dead..... help....

Pray for me!

[strange-aeons]

(thanksgiving turkey meme) idk who needs to hear this but (you all do, it's important) the 20th anniversary of the publication of my immortal is March 6th 2026

[xxxbloodycrafts666xxx]

Praise be to the holy text! The forebearer of the Crafts! The origin of Ebony Darkness Dementia Raven Way, the Queen the legend the icon.

[susan-remembers]

Begone demons! All of you!

[susan-remembers]

So what if I was the girl in Prague? Daniel’s just jealous because he can’t marry Phil. BECAUSE PHIL IS STILL LEGALLY MARRIED TO ME!!!!!!

[susan-remembers]

When you’re supposed to go on a Jamaica trip with your husband, but he kicks you off and adds a twink he’s fucking behind your back. Very devastating.

[susan-remembers]

????????????????

U will go 2 hell if u continue

[susan-remembers]

Girl, you need help.....

I HAVE ALL THE HELP I NEED IN JESUS! THERE IS NO NEED FOR SECULAR, WORLDLY LIES WHEN YOU HAVE JESUS! HE MAKES ALL OF YOUR PROBLEMS GO AWAY! AND IF U STILL HAVE THEM AS A CHRISTIAN U ARE NOT PRAYING HARD ENOUGH.

IT IS YOU WHO NEED HELP FOR WORSHIPPING FALSE IDOLS LIKE DAN AND PHIL!

[susan-remembers]

By leaking the first chapter of my memoir, they got my book deal cancelled. Oh well. I suppose the story MUST be told.

So here is chapter 2, titled Prague.

I was on a missions trip to Prague when I met Phil.  He was really cute, even though I thought he was a girl at first because his hair was so long (I wasn’t into him until I realized he was a guy.  I am definitely not a lesbian). 

It was at a club where I was trying to preach to the horribly distraught sinners of Prague.  They had suffered decades under Godless communism, and here I was to teach them.  I started speaking to Phil about small talk things.  I then lit a cigarette and put it in his mouth.  As he stared at me startled, I realzied he wasn’t a smoker.  

Ah, he had passed the test.

And then it hit me like a speeding bullet train (like the ones they have in Japan, idk you weeaboo shits will get that I suppose.  Why you’re so obsessed with a woke godless place like Japan is beyond me).  

He was the man god had met for me.  I kissed him.  He fainted.  So, imbued with the power of the holy spirit (and the other people on my mission’s trip), I scooped him up and carried him to the church where we were married the next day. 

It was I, Susan, the girl in Prague.  We eloped because it was just clearly meant to be.  And in no way was Phil forced into this marriage at all. It would be hard work, Phil told me he was gay after the marriage and I told him that we could fix that with prayer.  We would have to do a lot of prayer.  But it would work!  It was my calling to be his helpmeet!  So, it had to work! We would become equally yoked! 

Also, it has come to my attention that people are aware that the Lester family has restraining orders against me.  They are assholes who never understood our love and tried to steal Phil from me with the courts. Multiple times in that year.  But that was nothing hard to deal with…..

The real problem was when he went online and met that fucking demonic twink called Dan. 

[xxxbloodycrafts666xxx]

BITCH WHAT THE FUCK???????????

[susan-remembers]

Phil….. my poor little meow meow…. My baby my little baby who hurt so much but treats people with nothing but kindness forgive me for not being able to do more…. I tried my best…. I really did…. But the DEMONIC SATANIC TWINK FROM HELL STOLE YOU ONCE FROM MY LOVE AND TWICE FROM THIS LIFE!