past is past

i think it’s strange that you think i’m funny cause he never did

[suttonkemper]

indulgcnce‌:

Alex nodded in confirmation and acceptance of what she said. “Then, it looks like I’m staying,” he spoke softly and gently, not wanting to startle her even more than he already has. “Kick me out whenever you want to, though,” he added as an assurance to her. Alex didn’t know if she was only saying that to be nice, so he wanted to make sure that she had power to send him off if she wanted to and not to feel compelled of keeping him there if she didn’t want him to be there. He kept his small smile plastered across his face, not wanting to display any inch of intimidation. 

Alex kept still, not furthering bugging her for her finger or inching any closer. He was patient with it, accepting her finger whenever she felt comfortable with it. Once she reached over, he took her hand in his. Alex slowly pressed down on the ointment tube, sending out some of the ointment before gently rubbing some on her wound. He shook his head, keeping his eyes settled on his attempt to act as if he was a nurse. “You don’t need to explain anything, Sutton. Not until you’re ready to. And when you are ready, I’ll be here to listen.” Alex finally looked up, casting his dark eyes over to her. Though it was not displayed through his tone or demeanor, her words held some weight to him. He didn’t want to mess up, or do something that would classify whatever they currently were to be an addition to her experiences with relationships. “So should we order pizza?”   

“And you can - you can leave whenever you want. I know I kind of freaked out on you, so don’t feel obligated,” Sutton reaffirmed softly, her voice still matching his tone though with a tinge of embarrassment. For some reason he was staying, which was more than she could have asked for or deserved. As much as she didn’t want to talk about it, without him knowing about what had happened to her, she was pretty sure she wouldn’t be able to move on with their relationship until he knew. And someone like him wouldn’t come around again, she was sure of it. His patience, his gentleness, his kindness, all of the traits that had drawn her to him in the first place. Though she hadn’t planned it this way, she needed to tell him about her history. Tonight.

Deep in her thoughts still, she nearly didn’t notice that he had spoken again. A soft smile appeared at her lips when she caught him looking at her, nodding at his question. “Yeah. Yeah, that sounds good. I’m still sorry about dinner,” she told him, shrugging apologetically. She waited for him to place the order for the pizza before she decided to try and continue the conversation she had to really psych herself up to have. Maybe it would go over better over dinner? 

Finally, when they were in the waiting period for the pizza to be delivered, she cleared her throat to speak. “Um, do you mind if we have a kind of hard talk tonight?” she asked carefully. “I know I’ve already killed the mood, but I might have to kill it a little bit more. I just wanted to tell you about, um, about the last relationship I was in. It just really kind of - it messed me up a little bit.” Sutton took a deep breath, before looking down at the floor, fidgeting slightly. “My last boyfriend was... he was violent. Uh, towards me.”

[suttonkemper]

indulgcnce‌:

Alex wasn’t sure how many times he had said “you’re fine” followed by each apologies, but he kept repeating it, an attempt to reassure her that it was indeed fine. He didn’t mean to provoke any need for her to apologize, but whatever it was that erupted it, he put that aside to worry more about the burn that inflicted on Sutton. “It happens. People drop things all the time. Except me. I’m perfect,” he teased the latter, an attempt to add humor. Though, it was probably wasn’t the right time, so he quickly removed that playful smile on his face. “Just kidding. I drop things all the time,” he declared with a slight nod.

“You wouldn’t want to be around a funny, beautiful girl? I can’t say the same. I’m not going anywhere. Unless you want me to,” he affirmed her with a soft smile. “Can I see that finger? To put this on there?” he held out his empty hand for her as he waved the ointment container in his other hand in the air.

The worst part of all of this for Sutton was knowing that she was acting strange, and probably putting him off, but having no way of stopping it. She was trying to calm her breathing, get out of her own head, but knowing she could be ruining this budding relationship only made her feel worse. When Alex assured her he wasn’t going to leave, she shook her head slowly at his addition that he would leave if she wanted him to. Of course she didn’t, but it didn’t make sense to her that he would want to be here. “No, if you - if you want to stay here then I want you to stay too,” she told him in a soft voice.

Sutton was slow moving to give him her hand, shying away for a split second before reaching over to allow him to tend to the burn. She wasn’t rambling and panicking anymore, but she was now just quiet instead. “I, um... I’m sorry I - I should have been more upfront with you,” she finally admitted, her hand trembling lightly as it rested in his. “I’m not really, um, I don’t have a lot of good experience with relationships. I didn’t know how to tell you, or how you would react, but I - I thought I’d be able to just avoid something like this coming up.” Sutton was being vague, she knew that, but there were only two or three people she had been open about the abuse in her last relationship with, and talking about it still felt impossible.

[suttonkemper]

indulgcnce‌:

Concern washed over his face when he felt her flinch from his touch, not meaning for his actions to suggest anything that could hurt her. He quickly pulled his hands back, not wanting her to feel uncomfortable. “I’m sorry,” Alex responded, adding another apologies into the pile that was being erupted from each other. His voice softened as soon as he realized how serious the situation was to Sutton. “You’re fine, I swear. Everything’s fine. Don’t apologize for anything. It’s just bread,” he kept assuring her, his gaze firmly settled on her, even if she was looking away. “I’m not mad, don’t worry. You couldn’t do anything that would make me mad. I just want to make sure you’re okay.” His worried face faltered when a gentle smile grew on his face, genuinely casted from his words. 

“Let’s take care of that burn, though, okay? Can’t have it scarring and ruin your perfect image.” Alex shifted his body carefully around her, careful to not touch her as he reached over to turn on the sink. “I’ll look for some ointment while you run your finger under the water.”

Even with his reassuring words, Sutton felt as if this was somehow a trick. Like Alex could at any moment turn on her. Of course, he had been nothing but kind and lovely to her, but that wasn’t how she thought anymore. Not to mention, she was sure he would at this point no longer want to even be around her, seeing how she reacted to something like this. The worst part was not even being able to calm down. “I’m sorry,” she murmured again, feeling pathetic. After all the work she had put into keeping this part of her past from him, it came up after something so inconsequential. “I’m sorry. I - I’m so sorry, I should’ve been more careful,” she continued softly, finally gazing up at him from under her eyelashes. 

Obediently, Sutton moved over to the sink to put her hand under the water, going quiet but still having her internal panic. In her head, it still felt as though Alex would be mad at her, and she wanted to do anything she could to stop that from escalating. As soon as Alex returned, Sutton again looked over to him, her hand still held under the cold water like he had suggested. “Alex, I’m - I’m sorry. If you want... If you want to stop seeing me, I understand. I wouldn’t want to be around me either.”