“no,” he shook his head, one hand pressing against the bridge of his nose, as if all of his frustration and hurt had gathered in his sinuses, in one, sharp spot that demanded relief. “no that’s bullshit. you’re not gonna play this ‘i don’t know how to care about people’ bullshit. you do too know how to care about people. you just fucking chose not to because, yeah, you’re fucking selfish.” and if that wasn’t the pot calling the kettle black. but he wasn’t going to point that out, because if didn’t exactly help his argument. “just because you don’t care about most people doesn’t mean you don’t know how to do it.”
he didn’t know if that was true or not. he believed it, mostly, but maybe that was because he’d grown up…lucky. he grew up in a family that cared about him, and people around him that he loved, and so it felt like something he was just born understanding, and knowing. maybe it was unfair of him to assume that everyone knew that feeling. he knew enough about scarlet’s life to know that she had a very…very different life. and maybe in that life she really hadn’t had that baseline. but he didn’t want to listen to her. if she was right? well, didn’t that make him the asshole in this situation? he wasn’t ready to be the asshole yet, he was still up on his soapbox.
his eyes stayed trained on the ground, at the imprints his shoes had made in the damp and plush grass. everything she said…whether he believed it or not…was hard for her to say. that, at least, he could recognize. and even if it was bullshit, it was the kind of bullshit that left her vulnerable. it was a risk to apologize. it left you open for rejection. he had that power now, and for a moment it was too much power. he felt it, he knew that he had a chance to skewer her, right here and now. chew her out, walk away, maybe get some revenge for how he’d felt in the days she’d left. it would be so easy. he’d done similar things in the past. he’d said some vicious things to her, but this was the first time her wall was down.
he almost did, but he made the mistake of looking up at her. she looked so…uncharacteristic. like an entirely different person standing in front of him, eyes wet, a little frantic. desperate. his shoulders sagged and his gaze flicked off to the side as he licked his lips and swallowed. fuck. “…i believe you, it’s uh—” cool? no, it wasn’t cool. he was still mad at her, he was still upset. but he couldn’t not believe in her sincerity when he looked at her. she knew now, at least. she knew the mistake. she regretted it. was it enough?
and then he took a moment to really listen. she made a mistake. people make mistakes. fuck it, he’d made more mistakes than he could even count at this point. he was a hypocrite, and he was being a bad friend…and there if was. there was his selfish showing. selfish, because he’d made her departure all about him when really it probably didn’t have much to do with him at all. that didn’t stop it from cutting, but… “i’m still mad at you.” he shoved his hands into his pockets, took a deep breath and let it woof out. “but i guess i’ll stop being a little bitch about it.”
she thought she was stronger than this. never in her life did she think that someone else’s words could manage to bring her to tears, but her misty eyes and shaking hands said otherwise. there wasn’t anything she could do except stand there and listen to him, every word piercing through her like knives. the truth really did hurt. “i don’t know what i’m supposed to do. what can i do? it’s not like i can go back in time and fix things.” her words were coming out of trembling lips and she stepped closer to him slowly. “rad, please....tell me how i can fix this.”
there were so many thoughts running through her head that seemed to be jumbling together. scarlet had never allowed herself enough time to fully comprehend what her feelings meant, which caused her to be at a loss for words whenever she had to talk about anything of substance. thinking about things made them real, made them linger...and she hated that. she hated knowing that there were problems that she couldn’t fix and things she couldn’t change. her mistakes followed her like a cloud above her head, reminding her of the person that she’s become and the person that she was never going to be. she fucking hated it.
here she was, with her heart in her hands, walls completely torn down. the man standing before her was the only person that could make her feel like this. it wasn’t as though she hasn’t done the same thing before, gone and left without a word, but she had never cared so much before. friendships come and go and with her cataclysmic tendencies, they tended to never stay around for long. that was why she always cut off the ties, gave herself the control that she desired, the ability to choose who got hurt. this time was different. she chose wrong.
heavy breathes emitted from the small frame, shoulders rising up and down as she tried to focus on calming down. fingernails dug into her palms as she held back sobs. “you do?” there was no hiding the relief in her voice as she took another tentative step closer.
then, he was back. she could see it. the way his features softened, his stature relaxing as he spoke. she recognized him now. “you have every right to be.” a soft smile tugged at her lips, a hand reaching up to wipe a falling tear from her face. “be a little bitch about it all you want. i deserve it.” without thinking twice, she walked towards him and wrapped her arms around his neck. burying her face into his chest, she allowed herself just a few more moments of vulnerability. “i’ll never leave again. i promise. as long as you’ll have me, i’m here.”